Chapter 24

usagi door opens and he gasps when he sees her. She's wearing a midnight blue gown that shows her shoulders. The neckline dips very low, showing a mouth-watering amount of her creamy skin. Her hair is down with her loose curls tumbling down her back. The bundle of stones from her necklace is tucked between her breasts, the ribbon now black to compliment the dress.

"usagi, you're breathtaking," said kylo

"Thank you," mumbled usagi

usagi reaches out and takes his hand. He already has his helmet off, holding it next to him. She pulls him inside and he places his gloves and mask on his table. He pats the pocket of his trousers, ensuring her gift is still there. He turns to her and places one hand at her waist and the other behind her neck. Gently he draws her close, kissing her softly. Though his body is clamoring for him to deepen the kiss, he wants to spend time with her, talk with her before they are captured by the wildfire of their connection. He kisses her one more time, then pulls back. He looks down into her lovely eyes, they are wide and unguarded. He strokes his knuckles along her cheek.

"I missed you," said kylo

"I missed you. I already ordered dinner. Me and the others have tried everything, so I know a bit more of what I like now." Said usagi

"I'm pleased. I look forward to seeing what you've selected."said kylo

Kylo was happy that she was reaching out for more things. She even showed him her saber. Oh how he was so proud of saw the golden moons and silver handles. Oh its beautiful. It fit her so well. But she put it away and pulled him in so they could talk, kylo could never get over how she is. Shes the moon the shining light of it.

meanwhile a hour later

Dinner had been perfect. They'd just talked, like they had over the Bond. No arguing, just sharing. He'd told her everything he knew about what had happened on Eshara and she'd drawn him into a discussion of the history of the Jedi. She'd clearly been doing quite a bit of reading during her time here. They're just finishing dessert, a rich chocolate custard. Their hands are tangled together, resting on the table. It's a bit awkward for him, as he's not used to eating with his left hand, but he wouldn't change anything. He frequently draws his thumb along her knuckles, reassuring himself that she's here, that he's allowed to touch her. He's sitting adjacent to her, having wanted to be closer than being across from her would allow. She has a bit of the chocolate cream on the edge of her lips. He beckons her with his free hand.

"Come here, love." Said kylo

"There. You had a bit of chocolate." Said kylo

A coquettish smile blooms across her face. She dips her finger into the last of her dessert and dabs it on his bottom lip. She pulls his face back to hers and draws his lip into her mouth. He feels as her delicate tongue flicks out and swipes along his lip, ensuring she has it all. He can't help it, he moans. They look into each other's eyes and usagi flicker with heat No, wait, he can't let this happen, not yet. There is something he must do first. He sits back in his chair and she starts to follow. He halts her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"You have no idea how much I wish to gather you in my arms and lay you back on the settee and do unspeakable things to you, but first … I have something for you." Said kylo

She blinks and her hands go to her lap. She seems nervous. He reaches out and tugs the bundle of stones from her broken necklace free from their hiding place between her gorgeous breasts. He's rather envious of this little pouch.

"Now ... I would like to have this repaired, but I've noticed that you always wear it. This has led me to believe that you wish to wear something from me?" said kylo

He knows it's a bit bold of him, but he thinks he's beginning to truly understand his lovely usagi. His moon angel. she looks down and nods shyly. As she blushed, but she wondered where he was going with this. Her eyes showed her curiosity. Kylo smiled and ran a finger down her face. But not the time for that.

"Then perhaps you will allow me to have your necklace repaired and wear this in its stead?" said kylo

kyo reaches into his pocket and withdraws the box. It's the size of his hand and covered in a pale gray velvet. Holds it out to her and she gingerly takes it from him. He notices that her fingers are trembling and he wonders why she's so nervous. He presumes it's because she's unused to gifts. She gently opens the box and his eyes are fixed on her face. She's all he wants to watch. Though he's fairly certain she'll like it, he's still a bit apprehensive. Her eyes widen and she inhales swiftly. She looks up at him as if to ask for confirmation that this is for her. He smiles encouragingly. She pulls out the necklace and holds the pendant in her hand. It glows from within, having it's own light. It causes the gem to shine brilliantly with all colors of the spectrum. It's in a simple setting on a fine silver chain.

"It's so beautiful, What is it?" asked usagi

"It's called a rainbow gem, they're from Gallinore. They can, with some modifications, be used as the crystal for a lightsaber, should you wish it. But you have yours made already. May I take the other necklace to have it repaired?" asked kylo

"I … I"m not sure I want it fixed." Said usagi

"But …. That night, it was so difficult for you. I thought you wouldn't want to remember." Said kylo

"But that's why I like it the way it is. It reminds me that the parts are all still there. You know it's hard for me to believe that you care for me …Love me But this is the first gift you gave me. How you feel about me is in these stones. It reminds me that I can try to tear it apart, but they're still here. You're still here." Said usagi

"Nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you." Said kylo

Kylo stands and pulls her from her seat and wraps her in his arms. Not trusting himself to speak, he holds her closely, pressing his lips into her hair. Once he masters himself he pulls back slightly and looks down at her. "

You don't need to have it fixed if you don't wish to. Wear whatever necklace pleases you." Said kylo

She's still holding the new necklace and she steps back but stays close. She lifts the gleaming gem and looks at it for a long moment. Then she closes her eyes briefly and takes a deep breath. As her blue eyes showed the joy in them. The gem of the necklace glowed in her hands. He gasped it must sense she was the moon queen.

"I would like to wear this … You have tried so hard to make me happy, to take care of me. Maybe letting you have the other piece fixed … Well, it's not so very bad to let you take care of me … sometimes." Said usagi

"No, not bad at all." Said kylo

Kylo chest feels too small to hold the swell of devotion that swiftly fills him. His beloved is trying, truly trying to let him in. He's never felt such joy in his entire life. He pulls her to him by their joined hands and kisses her deeply. She returns his kiss with equal fervor. He still wants to see her wear her gift so he ends the kiss then gives her one soft caress on her forehead,

"I love you," said kylo

They part so that she may remove the broken necklace. She reaches behind her and unties the ribbon. Her eyes take on a worried tightness. Kylo smiled at how she cared for things he has given her, oh it filled his heart with so much joy at seeing this. But he wants to let her know how much he loved her deeply.

"I'll take good care of it, I promise. Just as I intend to take good care of you," said kylo

Kylo carefully places the little pouch in his hand and smiles. She looks into his eyes. he gazes on her for a brief moment then swiftly goes to his table by the door. He places the treasured bundle of stones in his helmet with his gloves and returns to her. He happy that she was letting him do this for her.

"Now, let me help you with your new necklace." Said kylo

"It really is gorgeous," chirped usagi

"It pales in comparison to its wearer." Said kylo

"Stop, don't say silly things." Grumbled usagi

"I'm not, You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I wouldn't tease you about that." Purred kylo

kylo holds her eyes and draws his fingers across her cheek then cards them into her hair. eathes into She shivers as she gathers her hair in her small hands. He reaches around her and watches as the gem rests just where her breasts begin to swell. He clasps the necklace and remembers how he wasn't allowed to touch her the last time he assisted her in this task. But now, now he has her permission and he intends to touch her as often as he can. He trails his fingers along her collarbone. Force, her skin is so soft. He bends forward and kisses from the base of her neck down the slope of her shoulder while he runs his fingers up and down her arms.

usagi shudders and her breathing begins to speed up. She leans back into him and he wants to capture her lips with his, but he still has a question he needs to ask her so he gives one final kiss along her bare flesh. He turns her around. The rainbow gem looks perfect with the midnight blue of her gown. He knew it was lunarian because the shop keeper said it was made from rainbow Crystal's from the lunarian race.

"It suits you." Said kylo

"Really? I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I still can't quite figure out several of the dresses. Much different from dresses I'm used to" said usagi

"But you do try. Though it pleases me greatly to see you wearing the gowns, I did make sure there were many simple offerings." Said kylo

There is a far away note to her tone that concerns him, but he doesn't wish to mar the evening. He takes her hand and brings her into her sitting room. He pulls her down with him to the sofa and she's soon curled into his side. He has his arms around her and she idly toys with the fabric of his tunic. He'd not worn his surcoat. He finds he prefers there be fewer layers between them. He bends down and nuzzles against her temple then presses a kiss there. She hums in contentment.

"I wanted to ask you something," said kylo

"Hmm?" hummed usagi

"There's something special I want to show you, but it won't be on one of our days. It falls in the middle of the week." Said kyko

usagi sits up and shifts so that she's looking at him. Her face grows serious and it makes him incredibly nervous. How is she going to change things now? Has he pushed too far? She looks away and the silence stretches. Eventually she takes in a deep breath and catches his eyes. He tightens his arms around her and he feels a lightness in his chest. He's no longer shut out. He may see her when he wishes. He lets out a shuddering breath, relief coursing through him. She nods into his chest and he runs his hand through her soft waves. He loves how her hair feels, it's fine and silky and the curls tangle around his fingers. they sit quietly, simply enjoying being close when suddenly Rey asks,

"Where are Jashad and Palek? I've seen Natan and Wylan in the training room, but not Jashad and Palek. I like them and gave my blessing fir my daughter s to marry them." Said usagi

"You've seen Wylan?" hissed kylo

"Don't be like that. He leaves as soon as I show up, it's almost like he's scared of me." Said usagi

"Good. I instructed him to never speak to you or be in the same room as you." Said kylo

"geez, you're so dramatic. But in this case I don't mind because he's awful. But you still haven't answered my question." Said usagi

His words are stuck in his throat as he realizes he never asked her if it was alright to keep looking for her mother. He hadn't been allowed to speak with her and he hadn't really thought. He cringes and hopes the evening isn't about to be ruined.

"They're following a lead on your mother luke cursed you with." Said kylo

"What? I thought you found her."said usagi

"She wasn't where Qree last saw her. She'd left the convent and gone to Coruscant. I sent Jashad and Palek Ren to find her. I'm sorry I didn't ask you, but you weren't speaking to me then. I wanted you to be able to decide to see her." Said kylo

"Oh." Said usagi

"Are you angry with me?" asked kylo

"No, no, I'm not angry. I was just realizing that that means she's probably back on the spice." Said usagi

"Yes, I'm sorry." Said kylo

"It doesn't matter." Said usagi

I thought I might be able to build something with her and offer her a place in my family since she is sadly by Luke's fault I'm stuck with as a mother that I didn't want to have? What good is any of it. I'm trash, I'll always be trash. Luke made sure of that because he wanted to use me." Cried usagi

"No! Listen to me. You are not trash. You are brilliant and bold, strong and fierce. No one can compare to you. No one. You … Maker, usagi … it's not your fault your mother left you. It's Luke's fault that you were reborn with that woman. You have your true parents and a blood adopted father who love you. There's nothing wrong with you, nothing. Do you hear me? Please, please, hear me." Pleaded kylo

"Then why did she go? Why did luke do this to me," cried usagi

usagi asks in an impossibly small voice. He draws his thumbs along her cheeks. Oh how he hates his uncle. But he dead by his beloved hands. But this was never going to be her fault in this, luke took her and used that dark spell and forced her to be reborn to a filthy bitch. Luke wanted her to suffer so he looked like the bad guy in all of this,

"Because she was weak and selfish. And so was Skywalker. None of what happened to you is your fault and it in no way reflects your worth. Please tell me you understand how special you are." Said kylo

"I … I know you think I'm special. And so many others." Said usagi

"Do you know that I love you?" asked kylo

"Yes," whispers usagi

"I've never loved anyone before, I never wanted to. But you burst into my life like a supernova, blinding me with your intensity. You are special, so special. To me and to so many others." said kylo

He soothes his hands along her back, wanting to comfort her. She kneads at his chest as is her custom. It's as if it was a form of comfort for her. But right now he will let her do whatever comforts her right now. But then she draws back and her eyes are dark with an emotion he can't define. Her eyes turned to a dark blue,

"Do you really love me?" asked usagi

"Yes, oh usagi, yes." Said kylo

"Tell me." Said usagi

"I love you." Purred kylo

Usagi surges up and kisses him passionately, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her kiss is so demanding, like she's trying to draw his love from his essence. She rips her lips from his, panting. then she's attacking his neck, pulling his tunic down. She's never been like this and Maker, he likesit. Her sharp little teeth nip at the soft flesh at the juncture of his shoulder and he moans as desire curls low in his abdomen. She encourages him to lie back on the sofa and she's hitches up her dress and straddles him. His hard length strains against his trousers, pushing against her center. She's so hot and he's desperate to know how she'd feel around him.

usagi purposefully rolls her hips, causing her core to drag along his cock and his eyes roll back in his head. Oh fuck this is the best night ever. Oh how he loved this woman and how wild she is. Oh he wanted to rip her he pants, thrusting up against her. He grips her hips with his large hands. he pulls her down with each desperate push against her heat. Her eyes gleam with hunger and he gasps as she pushes her gown down to her waist, now beautifully bare to his gaze. Her rosy nipples beckon him and he sits up, pulling her to him. He takes one hard point into his mouth while he rolls the other between his long fingers. She continues to grind herself against him and he's losing his mind with how incomprehensibly good she feels.

usagi cries out as he sucks and bucks against his cock. Stars she's incredible. He's foggy with desire. He's never experienced this before, all of this touching, licking, kissing. Only for usagi. Only withusagi. He loves the feel of her pebbled nipple in his mouth, the way it swells. It's so satisfying to hear how she moans when he sucks on her flesh. As he shifts to her other nipple, eager to give both breasts his attention, she pulls at his tunic then grumbles in frustration at it.

"Off!" said usagi

He pulls back from his delectable task and quickly removes his tunic, throwing it to the floor. Then she's pushing him back kissing him fiercely as she rubs her breasts against his chest. It's overwhelming, the feeling of so much of their skin touching and his whole body shudders.

Suddenly, he needs to slow down. He must experience this in its totality, let it in, let it consume him. His skin is humming against hers, each place they touch feels like home. It's the perfect position of comfort and lust. It's as if he's found the physical embodiment of loving her. He feels like he's merging with her. He wraps his arms around her and holds her as close as he can, gentling their kisses.

"What is it?" asked usagi

"I just want to feel you like this. Just for a moment." Said kylo

"Are you alright?" asked usagi

"I just love you so much, usagi." Said kylo

She strokes his hair back. He can't speak so he shakes his head. He has to blink back tears. Maker, what's wrong with him? The torrent of feelings is subsiding and he takes in a quavering breath. Her hazel eyes are full of worry and warmth and he feels so safe.

"I was overwhelmed. I've never felt anything like this, when we touch …" purred kylo

"I understand. You don't have to explain. I understand." Said usagi

kylo smiles at her softly. She's the only person who could understand all he has inside. Removing a hand from her back, he trails his fingers along her cheek and she catches his hand, turning it over. She presses a tender kiss to his wrist and begins to work her way along the sensitive skin of his inner arm. But then she stops and stares.

"Kylo, what's this?" asked usagi

He looks down and sees the fine red lines and all of her other scars and all the cursed markings., the healing evidence of when he'd used the dagger in the training room. He closes his eyes tightly. He'd hoped to hide this from her. When he opens his eyes he finds her face full of concern.

"It's what it looks like." Said kylo

usagi looks at him as if she's trying to decipher a complicated code. Then she sits back and the loss of her skin against his hurts. She pulls her gown up then she lays down with him. His arms instantly curl around her, holding her tightly.

"You said you'd try to stop." Said usagi

"And I did try. I only did it once," said kylo

"Why do you do it?" asked usagu

"I've told you. It helps." Said kylo

"What did it help, what made you do it?" asked usagi

He remembers that it was knowing she'd seen Wylan and everything he'd done after the madness had taken hold. This is very dangerous ground. He can't tell her what he did to zoycite but he doesn't want to lie to her. He hopes that his lie of omission and broken promise will be the last and only time he is anything less than completely honest with usagi, He won't do that to usagi.

"I was having difficulty staying away from you." Said kylo

"It was me? I made you do this?" asked usagi

"No, I … I wouldn't put it like that. It was me, my inability to control myself." Said kylo

"But … when you're with me, you don't … you seem to be able to control yourself just fine." Said usagi

"You … help. You make me feel whole." Said kylo

"How do you feel when I'm not with you?" asked usagi

"Like I'm being torn apart. I need you. All the time. I need you." Said kylo

"Oh, Kylo …" cried usagi

Now her hand comes up and holds his face. He looks away, suddenly embarrassed by his weakness. But she wont stop him from getting dressed. He wanted to tell her what she wanted to know. He was going to be open with her. Usagi shes pushed herself along his body and kisses him tenderly. It's a quiet kiss, but it goes on. Soft. Healing. Usagi breaks the kiss and holds her cheek against his. He tightens his arms around her, needing her close. He feels the silk of her gown and the warmth of her body. Maker, he needs her. Then she lifts her head and holds his gaze. She looks like she wants to say something.

"What is it, usagi?" asked kylo

"If … if it wasn't for the Bond … I think I would love you." Said usagi

The twin sentiments war for dominance in his brain. He wants to hear that she loves him, but she's justified it with the Bond, so he says nothing. He almost wishes the Bond had never happened. She hides behind it, uses it to deny what he knows is between them. He looks away and lets his face go eyes fly open in alarm.

"Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. I … I'm sorry. I only meant …I wanted to tell you how much I care, how much you mean to me … I don't know what other words to use for how I feel about you. But the Bond, it confuses everything." Said usagi

"Then let it go, usagi. Just love me. Please love me." Pleaded kylo

"Stay with me tonight." Said usagi

"Yes I would love to." Said kylo

Has she really asked him to stay with her? Perhaps more than joining his body with hers he has wished for this. He knows that to hold her throughout the night, intentionally, will be perfection. He pushes away the confusion her almost-confession has stirred in him. He just wants to hold her for the rest of their lives. Every night, he wants to feel her flush against him. Usagi takes him by the hand and pulls him to her bedroom. He's not quite sure this is really happening. He's napped with her, slept with her in her sitting room, but somehow this is different. She's inviting him into her bed.

She pushes him down until he's sitting. She goes to the wall of drawers and pulls out something cotton. She stills and he's filled with apprehension. Will she change her mind?

Turning around, she gazes at her feet. Finally she looks up and says

"I didn't think about sleepwear. Do you need to get something from your quarters?" asked usagi

"No, this is fine." Said kylo

"Oh, okay … good." Said usagi

She doesn't meet his eyes as she slips into the 'fresher with her nightgown in hand. He bounces his knees, not sure where this anxiety is coming from. He's yearned for this, but he's afraid to take this step. If she withdraws from him again after this … No. He will recover, rally as he always does. Besides, she'd said she won't shut him out again and she's given him no cause to doubt her. He hopes this is the right thing to do. He hears the door to her 'fresher open and he twists his head to see her. She stands in the doorway and her nightgown reaches the floor. It seems to float around her, giving her an ethereal appearance. She's brushed her hair, removing the evidence of having been ravished. She looks untouched and it fills him with a surge of possessiveness. She is his, she will only ever be his. She's looking down again and he goes to her. Kylo places two fingers under her chin and tips her face up so that she's looking up at him.

"You don't need to be nervous." Said kylo

"I-I'm not," said kylo

"If you'd like me to go, I will. I don't want to press you." Said kylo

He has to force the words out, knowing it's the right thing to say but terrified she'll decide she wants him to leaveShe rolls her eyes and captures his hand, pulling it from her confidence wanes, leaving her expression cautious. He reaches up and strokes his fingers through her hair. Her lips form a small smile and her eyes. From the moment they saw each other, there was nothing either could have done. They're magnets, twin stars caught in each other's gravity. She tried so hard to deny it, but he was right, they've always been meant to be together. And now she's admitting it. She draws her thumb across his palm; he treasures how she seems to always want to touch him, now.

But he meant it when he said he wouldn't press.

"Do you want me to go?" asked kylo

"No! No, I don't want you to go." Said usagi

"Then I won't. May I use your 'fresher?" asked kylo

He leans forward and drops a kiss on her forehead then slips past her. Once the door is closed he looks at himself in the mirror. His hair is a mess and he smiles. She does seem to like to run her fingers through it. He hopes she never stops. Her scar shows in stark relief against his pale face. He doesn't really notice it any longer, but right now he's looking at himself as she might. His expression shifts, his lips pulling down, as he notices all of the marks littering his torso. She's seen him without his shirt twice now. She's not said anything, but he wonders if they bother her.

His eyes go to his arms, and he notices how there are dozens of fine lines marring the skin there. He's used his blade for over 20 years now, so he shouldn't be surprised at the quantity. He's never really paid any attention to the marks that he leaves. He rarely has them seen to, only when he's taken it too far. The past is calling for him, written out on his skin. There are the earliest scars, faded with time, then layered on top are newer, sharper markings. Every line has a reason and a sick temptation to catalogue each moment of despair, each night of wrenching pain pulls at him. He smooths his fingers along his forearm and notices an odd patch of perfect skin where she'd healed him. The past is pushed away by usagi as he remembers how frantic she'd been.

No matter what she says, how she qualifies and justifies her feelings, he knows that she cares for him, possibly deeply. His eyes close as he remembers how he'd begged her to love him. She makes him wretched. He shakes his head. Usagi is waiting. He leans over the sink and splashes his face with water then dries it efficiently. He takes one last look at his long face and dark eyes before returning to usagi. She's already in bed when he comes through the door. The blankets cover her lap and her fingers twist together. He sits on the bed, facing her and takes her hands in his.

"You don't need to be nervous. I promise." Said kylo

"I know. I do know. I've just … when we fell asleep together the other night it was an accident. I … I've never purposefully spent the night next to another person. Not even my ex husbands." Said usagi

"Neither have I. But I want to. I want to hold you all night." Said kylo

usagi eyes gleam with a hopeful sheen and he's again reminded of how little affection she's received. He's going to make sure that she knows. with every fiber of her being that she is loved, absolutely. then she takes her hand from his and pushes him, encouraging him to stand. He obliges and she pulls back the covers, inviting him to join her. He takes a deep breath and does just that as she shifts until she's lying on her side. He faces her, leaving two hand breadths between them. She makes a funny little face and pulls him closer until he's almost touching her. He looks into her eyes and finds them open and trusting. She puts her hand on his shoulder then dances her fingers up and down his arm.

"I'm glad you're here. I … used to think about this … before. That night, when I came to you through the Bond. All night I imagined you holding me." Said usagi

"I have fallen asleep to nothing but that dream for nearly a year," said kylo

kylo hesitates, then puts his arm around her, pulling her flush against him. He kisses her gently, trying to infuse his actions with adoration, not lust. It would be too easy to lose themselves and take this too far. Somehow, this is a deeper intimacy. Two lost souls far too accustomed to a solitary existence trusting one another to guard their sleep. The enormity of her invitation bears down on him and he ceases kissing her, leaning his forehead against hers.

"You mean … you mean more to me than I can ever possibly explain. Do you know that? Do you understand?" said usagi

"I … I'm beginning to." Said usagi

"Good … good." Said Kylo

They stay like that for a long time, him holding her face and their foreheads touching. She opens the Bond and lets the connection surge through them. He's tempted to sink into her consciousness, find out her true feelings, but he doesn't push. She's been more willing to allow the Bond to flow and he suspects it's because he hasn't taken advantage. He rolls to his back and she settles against his side, her head on his chest. He gathers her as close as he can and they both sigh as the Bond weaves around turns off the lights with the Force and she wraps a leg over his. He kisses the top of her head and murmurs, Her hand clutches at his chest and he feels her breath across his skin.

Meanwhile a hour later

Slowly he stirs. It takes him a moment to remember that he's in usagi bed. His arms tighten around her reflexively and he smiles a lazy smile. They'd not moved all night. She's still draped over his chest and her little huffs of breath almost tickle. She's still asleep and he idly strokes her hair.

He looks at her ceiling and tries to believe he's been allowed this gift. It was everything he'd hoped for, falling asleep with her in his arms. Waking with her at his side. He wants, needs, craves, this to be his life. There are plans already drawn up to combine their quarters. It's far too soon, of course, but it feels deliciously close. It feels like it's still early and he cranes his neck to check the time. Just as he'd thought, there's no need to wake her yet. He relaxes back into the joy of holding usagiand dozes. Nothing could ever be better than this.

Meanwhile the following morning

Usagi stirring brings him from his light sleep. He opens his eyes just as she lifts her head and they're gazing at each other. Kylo was in so much joy right now that he never wished this moment to end. His was what he waited and wished for, he was out of the dog house finally. Sadly his was a lot easier than hux. It's just funny to watch him in the dog house. Minako can be rather evil from what he is able to see.

"Hello," said kylo

"Hello." Said usagi

"Did you sleep well?" asked kylo

"Better than I have in a long time." Said usagi

usagi eyes take on a vacant look as if she's remembering something and he recalls what he found in her mind that fateful day. He still feels an ugly shame for everything he took from her on Starkiller. He would give anything to be able to go back to Takodana. He would extinguish his saber, deflect all her bolts until her blaster was drained. Then, he would have removed his mask and just talked with her. Maybe he'd have simply taken her hand and run. Somehow he's certain the Bond would have formed no matter what. But it doesn't do to dwell on what might have been. All he can do is make amends for how he has hurt her. She's looking at him expectantly and he realizes he must respond.

"I didn't know I could sleep so well. Perhaps we should make a habit of this," said kylo

"Maybe we should" said usagi

Kylo hiding how much he needs to know that this night has meant to her just a fraction of what it has meant to him. A bright smile blooms on her face and she answers, Then she rolls away from him and takes a drink of water from the glass by her bed. She wordlessly holds it out to him and he takes it from her, drinking deeply. He reaches over her to return it to its place. Before he's laid back down she's already snuggling up to him and he smiles. He's certain he's smiled more in the time she's been with him than he has in his entire adult life. It's been almost a month since he found her and he almost laughs at himself. He'd thought he'd be here within days. Now that he has a better understanding of who usagi is, he sees that he had no idea what it would take to win her heart and he's grateful she allows him to try.

He wants to ask her if she'd meant it last night when she'd said she thinks that she loves him, but her caveat of the Bond makes him keep his silence. He smooths her hair back and holds her close.

He glances down and suddenly he needs to kiss her. He rolls them both until she's on her back and he's to her side, his face hovering over hers. She gives a little squeak of surprise and he swallows it with his mouth, kissing her. It's a slow kiss, meant for indolent mornings. Then he pulls her lower lip into his mouth and sucks gently before slipping his tongue into her mouth. She sighs her contentment as he continues his leisurely exploration.

Meanwhile two days later

It's been two days and he's desperately confused. Each evening she says goodnight, and she'd seemed almost sad when she'd last reached out to him. However, she's not invited him back and he's not sure if he's meant to ask her to dine with him or wait. She'd asked he give her time between visits but she'd not specified how much. He just wants to know what's expected of him!

Ever since he left her that morning, he's been constantly battling his memories. It's as if his brain is trying to assimilate what usagi had said about that woman. He doesn't want to think about it, but he can't seem to stop. It makes him question and he hates to question himself. It makes him look back, something he's loathe to do. Of course, even if everything usagi told him was true, it still doesn't remove her greatest sin: keeping his grandfather from him.

He tries to focus on his hate, but it slides out of focus. is office door opens and Hux strides in.

"Supreme Leader." Said hux

"What is it" hissed kylo

"We've been orbiting Eshara for days. Nothing has been discovered, I believe it's time to move on. We do have the meeting of the generals convening soon." Said hux

"I don't wish to leave until we've found Shar Faen. Usagi nearly died because of them." Said kylo

"I understand that, but we have our best people investigating. As soon as they've found something we will come back to oversee … punishment," said hux

He glowers. He doesn't want to leave until he's certain the scum who caused usagi to collapse have been brought to justice. But he can't ignore the truth that his attention would be better spent elsewhere. Maker, he hates being Supreme Leader some days. There is another reason to move on. His plans for usagi birthday are far closer to the fleet's current position. He already knows Hux is going to pitch an absolute fit when he tells him he intends to be away from the Finalizer for two days. He can't even imagine the annoyance if he needed the four it would take from Eshara.

"Fine. Return us to the fleet." Said kylo

"Really?" asked hux

"Yes, really. Isn't that what you wanted?" asked kylo

"Yes! I will have us underway within the hour." Said hux

"Excellent" said kylo flatly

"There is one other item." Said hux

"Of course there is." Said kylo

Hux sighed and gave everything over in his report. He was not going to be nothing him much. As kylo slumped back in his chair and poured over all the papers he needed to go through, while hux went to go. Minako even stayed away when he was in his moods. Szayel comes and see him to see if he was ok, kylo closed his eyes and thought on everything. Oh how he missed his usagi.

meanwhile that night

kylo pounds on her door, desperate to see her. He doesn't stop until he feels the door begin to she complains as her door slides open. She looked completely confused. But right now it was showing kylo was in clear distress. Usagi looked worried as if he was needing to tell her something.

"I have to speak with you," pleads kylo frantically

"Kylo? Yes, of course. Come in." said usagi

usagi stands back quickly, beckoning him in. zoycite is sitting in one of her chairs and he sees they've laid out all sorts of desserts and are watching a holo. She looked confused. Usagi had kylo hand as to keep him calm enough. Zoycite blinked and wondered what they were needing, usagi sighed and nodded.

"You obviously need me. zoycite, I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" said usagi

Zoycite regards him with a kindness he's not seen from her before. He knows he should try to be more cordial, but he has to speak with usagi. Then zoycite slips from usagi rooms and he's alone with his love. Usagi comes up to him and touches her fingers to his cheek,

"What is it?" asked usagi

"It's … there was a message. From … from that- Le- from my mother. Shes been planning your death but don't worry everything is handled" said kylo

usagi just tightens her arms around her legs. He reaches out a trembling hand and strokes along her shoulder. He realizes he's still wearing his gloves and he pulls them swiftly from his hands. Then he shifts closer to her and gingerly puts his arm around her. She keeps holding herself closely but she leans in then she's kissing him fiercely and he can only respond. Her tongue presses into his mouth and it feels so perfect to merge with her in this way. The kiss goes on and on until she draws away.

Her eyes search his, It's all been too fraught and he finds himself laughing. It's a strange, hysterical laugh, tinged with looks at him apprehensively and he shakes his head.

"No, it's just so ridiculous. I've been waiting for you and you've been waiting for me and we've both wanted to be together. Maker, usagi … we have to start talking. All the time. We have to talk." Said kylo

"Yes. You're right. No more surprises. We will talk." Said usagi

"Yes," said kylo

Kylo breathes out as he kisses her again. He gathers her into his arms and lifts her as he stands. Then he seats them both on her sofa with usagi nestled in his lap. She hasn't removed her arms from his neck and he keeps his wrapped tightly around her waist. They breathe in and out in tandem, needing this closeness. They'd held one other for most of the afternoon. Occasionally they would shift, but they would quickly make sure they were again entwined. Eventually the need for food had pulled them from their tangled state, though neither of them was happy about it.

He'd tried to get her to let him call the droids to clean up her impromptu picnic with zoycite, but he'd ended up helping her gather together the ridiculous number of desserts. She'd bit her lip at all the food they were wasting but she eventually relented. Now she's again draped across his lap after a simple meal of his favorite Alderaanian dish. He refuses to think about why he'd requested such a thing, using his status to force the kitchens to prepare something not on today's menu.

Watching her delight over the savory pastry filled with rich meat and vegetables had made any of his apprehension evaporate. Maker, she makes him so incredibly happy. Sometimes he considers just taking her and running to his ancestral home on Naboo. But he knows Hux or that wo- … Leia … she would track them down. He nuzzles against her cheek as he pulls her as close as he can.

Meanwhile later that night

Again he finds himself in her bed. She's in a scandalously short nightgown and he wonders if she'd selected it with something particular in mind. He'd nearly lost his ability to think a coherent thought when she'd pushed his trousers down. Usagi looking up at him. The bulge straining against the last barrier between them had mocked him. He knows he should just hold her to him and drift off to sleep, but she's looking into his eyes with such meaning. Her eyes blink slowly and he's pulled to her, the idea of control already abandoning him.

They're facing each other on their sides, just as they had the first night she'd invited him to her bed. But this time, there are gossamer light strings holding up her nightgown and he's certain he can see her succulent pink nipples through the fine fabric. Very deliberately she pulls one of the straps down and, oh Force, her breast is revealed to him. His eyes flicker to hers and there's nothing but acceptance and lust. He groans as he descends, pulling her nipple into his mouth. It's so perfect, the way her flesh pebbles as he sucks against it. Her hands tangle in his hair and she's pulling him even closer. His tongue swirls over the tightened point and she inhales quickly followed by a soft moan.

With the next flick of his tongue, her hands pull at his hair and she pants out,

"Yes, stars, yes. That feels so good." Moaned usagi

kylo smiles against her luscious breast. Touching her is wonderful. With hands or mouth, he doesn't care. He just wants to connectwith her in any way that he can. He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't, but his hand snakes around her and delves under the back of the delicate lace covering her bottom. He squeezes the deliciously rounded form and pulls his lips away from her nipple with an audible pop. Now he can pull her against his achingly hard erection. She eagerly responds, throwing her leg over his thigh. He's not sure if it's just that her nightgown is so thin or if it's ridden up, but he's sure he can feel her folds through the two layers of fabric as his cock thrusts against her.

Panting, he pulls back. He must know that this is alright. She growls, she actually growls as he seeks her face.

"Stop, stop thinking so much. Let me show you how much I trust you." Snapped usagi

Then she captures his lips and he's lost. His hips buck against hers and he's moaning into her mouth, it feels phenomenal to move against her like this. So much of their skin is touching and he's getting a little hazy on where the boundary between them lies. He can feel her wetness soaking through the thin scrap of lace and his own underthings, her nightgown already bunched up past her hips. His eyes fly open as he feels her small hand reach between their writhing bodies and grasp him through the fabric.

Maker, she's stroking along his cloth-covered length and a strangled groan escapes him. Too much, not enough, he's not sure. He almost screams when he feels her slip past his waistband and circle his cock. Her slender fingers grasp him and she's pumping him up and down. Her movements are hesitant, unpracticed, but simply feeling her touch more than makes up for her lack of technique. Oh Force, Force, Force. He can't think, he's just calling out. Usagi perfect usagi. Somehow the fog lifts and he chokes out Instantly she removes her hand and he opens his eyes to find her brow furrowed.

"Did I do something wrong?" asked usagi

"No, no, my love, no. I just … if this is what you want, I want … no I need to see to you first. I won't take this step without you. If you want this then we do it together. Otherwise we go to sleep," said kylo

She doesn't say anything, but the hand that had just been scrambling his brain goes around his wrist. She pulls his hand down, down, down, and she's pressing his fingers beneath the lace and against her center. He cups her mound and shifts them until she's on her back. He holds her eyes intensely as he parts her soft curls. nothing has felt like this, nothing. She's so hot and slick. He draws his fingers along her outer labia, fascinated by how impossibly soft the skin is. He keeps his eyes on her as he finds her clit, already so hard for him. He begins stroking her with lazy circles and she gasps, her lips fall open and her eyes glaze with ecstasy. Hours, he wants to spend hours finding every single thing he can do to make her gasp like that. he speeds up slightly and she lets out a breathy, Her eyes widen and she grasps his shoulders, digging her short nails into his skin.

"Do you like this, my love?" purred kylo

"Yes, d-don't stop." Moaned usagi

"Oh, I don't intend to. Not until I feel you come apart beneath my fingers." Purred kylo

"Yes, please yes." Moaned usagi

Usagi hips start to move in that instinctual rhythm, seeking something she doesn't yet understand, he decides she's ready. His cock jumps as he pushes a finger slowly inside her. They groan together as he slides home. Stars, she's tight, his long finger grasped on all sides. just as he'd hoped,his cock is rather large , well larger than a normal man. Well most men. He thrusts in and out and she arches off the bed with a throaty moan.

"K-Kylo," moaned usagi

Kylo nuzzles against her cheek. She's finally relaxed enough that he adds another finger, gently stretching her. She whines a high sound and her breathing speeds up. Her hands move from his shoulders to the bed and she's fisting the sheets. usagi throws her head back, panting quickly. He takes the opportunity to nip along her slim neck. His thumb circles her clit as his fingers pulse in and out of her tightness. He moans as he imagines her walls holding him, welcoming him. Unconsciously he grinds against her thigh. Her hands continue to twist in the sheets and her beguiling eyes find his.

"I-I-I ... oh Kylo," moaned usagi

"Yes, please, darling usagi, let me hear you," purred kylo

usagi thrusts herself against his hand and pants between moaning his name. there, he feels it. He's never felt the flutter before, the first twitch of a woman's orgasm. He hates that he has anything to compare it to, she has no equal. His own breath is harsh, his cock painfully hard. He's never seen anything as sublime as usagi surrendering to the pleasure he is giving her. She's exquisite.

Oh, Maker, usagi. He's so close, just from her calls and the feel of her around his fingers. He buries his face in her hair and her thigh has grown slick from his weeping cock soaking through his only piece of clothing. He focuses again on usagi and presses down firmly on that perfect node and, Force, she's getting so loud. He loves it.

Her walls start to clench and his breath catches. This is so much more intense than he'd imagined. What if she opened the Bond? Just the thought of merging with her in that way jolts him forward and he sucks at her throat as he bucks against her firm body. She's shuddering now, incoherent in her pleasure. He continues to swirl his thumb along her clit while thrusting his fingers deep inside, making sure to catch that magical spot within her. He feels her fingers in his hair and she's pulling him back and seeking his eyes. He's never watched someone in their most open, vulnerable state. Her eyes are wide and her breath comes.

"I know, yes, please yes. Let go. Come for me, beloved. Let me feel you," pleaded kylo

Then she keens as he feels her spasm around his hand, oh yes, yes, yes. She's writhing and pushing wildly against his hand. It's all he can do to hold on. Her eyes are locked with his and she finally stills. She grabs his face with one hand and kisses him, hard. He thinks she must need a moment but she shocks him as her other small hand again delves beneath his waistband and wraps around his hardness. She strokes along him with an awkward rhythm, but it doesn't matter, he's already so close to bursting. Then she seems to get a better sense of his body as her confidence grows. she would be gifted in this as in all other things, and she pushes down along his shaft. Back up she goes and he's soaring. His orgasm surges and surges from him, it seems to go on and on. He throws back his head and shouts, He's trembling as he gathers her to him; he'll never let her go.

"My darling, my love," purred kylo

kylo croons against her temple. She holds onto him tightly. He tries to catch his breath, but his heart is racing and he notices she's breathing hard too. He doesn't want to loosen his hold but he wants to see her face so he shifts them slightly. Her lovely blue eyes blink slowly and he can't read her expression.

"usagi?" asked kylo

"Mmm?" hummed usagi

"Are you … are you alright?" asked kylo

"More than alright. That was … I didn't know it could feel like that. None of my ex husbands ever made me feel that way." Purred usagi

she says playfully and his recently recovered heart freezes in his chest. She thinks … oh no. Force, no! He fails utterly at keeping the dismay from his face. Oh now it was time for him to come clean that he was with other women before. She has come clean and met her ex husbands. He's friends with them as well now.. but he needed to tell her.

To be continued