I was literally dragged into this old, abandoned car-manufacturing warehouse where a bunch of other creepy thugs and brutes hung out. Only they weren't hanging out. It became very apparent to me that this was in fact, a working underground car sting operation. While nothing seemed legit, it was obvious that these gangsters were busy and knew what they were doing. Some paid attention to our arrival- most didn't; it made me wonder how many people were brought here against their will. I shudder to think of the answer.
This was like being in some sort of movie, but unlike other gangster films, I had no guarantee I'd get out of here alive. That fear of the unknown trumped everything else and I did my upmost best not to draw attention to myself, lest one of these goons decided to "sell" me. The man pulling me along walked with such confidence and nonchalance; he clearly wasn't afraid. He didn't even glance back at me once and forget about telling me to keep quiet. I think he knew I'd stay in line or else. You know, like parents used to say when you're little: "or else". Truly terrifying.
One big, girthy man who looked to be in charge around here- or at least I got that impression by the way he stood in the middle of everything- peered our way as my new abductor approached him. He had a cigarette in between his lips and a perma-scowl everywhere else. He looked at the guy holding me, at me, and back at the guy. "Hey, Kougi. What are you doing?" The mob boss asked the brute- who's called Kougi, I guess- in Korean. "Found her lurking round back," Kougi replied. I was not lurking, but I wasn't about to correct him; not after what I saw him do to my stocker back in the alley. The big boss sucked on his smoke and took a step towards me.
"Oh yeah?" The mob boss finally hissed through his grimy teeth. By now a couple of other gang members were watching the scene, staying quiet off at the sideline. "She looks harmless," my kidnapper remarked casually. "Then why'd you bring her here, boy?" "She knows where our operation is. She could go to the cops," wait, I thought he just said I was harmless? The boss kept shifting his gaze between Kougi and me; his eyes landing on me for an uncomfortable amount of time. Eventually he shoved his fat hands into his pants' pockets.
"She's a foreigner. She ain't gonna go to the cops." "She was being chased by a guy." "Where's he?" "Took care of 'em out back. Now that she's here, what are we gonna do with her?" The mob boss considered for a moment; his stare giving me a once over again. "Does she have her passport on her?" "You got your passport, girl?" Kougi asked me in a strict voice. I honestly shook my head as hard as I could, which was animated enough for them to believe me. The boss took out his now short cigarette, tossed it on the ground, and smashed it with his shoe. Then he peered back at us.
"Take the girl upstairs. She might be worth something." "I thought we ain't selling people no more," Kougi rebuffed. The boss shot him a look which told him to shut the hell up. "We ain't gonna sell her. But someone overseas may pay a fine ransom for her." "If not?" My kidnapper had the guts to inquire. "If not, we'll take care of her tomorrow. One little foreign girl ain't gonna shut us down. Put her in the office for tonight." "Alright, boss. Come on," Kougi practically yanked my arm off, rushing me away.
The original gangster did as he was told and took me upstairs. The entire way I was trying to think of a way out of this. A smart way which wouldn't get me killed; so basically nothing I'd ever seen in the movies. No, I had to be clever about this, otherwise I wouldn't be getting out of this at all. Along the way, I took a mental note of every exit and every staircase I could find. My best chances looked to either be escape or get the police involved; and I didn't have much time for either.
Kougi stopped in front of this single door high above the working station downstairs; you could see everything from up here. He opened the door but didn't toss me in. Instead I walked in without a word. The room was dark and the overhead light was broken. There was a desk with no chair and that was about it. Once inside, Kougi didn't say anything; the door was simply shut and locked from the outside. Well, there goes my chance at escaping tonight. I think the boss had me brought up here to keep me out of the way and so I could get some sleep; not like I'd be sleeping much tonight anyway.
It was only then, once the door was securely closed and sealed tight that all my pent-up emotions overcame me. I collapsed to the floor in a crying mess, sobbing for what felt like hours. I don't think I actually slept that night, but it's all so hazy that I couldn't be sure. I thought of everything in those long, dark hours. My father and brother, all those years I put into my education, Lee and our friends, Noah and all the happy memories we had together… Marco.
Thinking about things only made it worse. For the longest time I couldn't stop bawling, and I do mean bawling. How did I wind up in this situation? How did I get here? I should have taken that stupid stocker more seriously. I shouldn't have come to South Korea. What the hell is wrong with me?! Why did I feel the need to go places? Why did I want to travel so badly? Would it have been so hard to just stay in the states and live my life out there? Why? Why did I do this to myself? I shouldn't have come! I should have stayed back in America. I should have gone to Harvard- that way Noah and I wouldn't have broken up. We'd probably be married by now with maybe a kid on the way….. I shouldn't have gone to Berkeley or Paris on exchange. I should have just ignored my wanderlust and settled down, like everyone else my age. This is my fault, my hands balled into frustrated fists. This is all my fault!
"Elle…"
My eyes shot open in shock. I knew the voice I just heard was in my mind, but still… I could hear it and it wasn't done consciously. That voice….. That voice which has grown so precious to me. The voice that has brought me so much happiness… "That you were in for an extraordinary life. And looks like my assumptions were right. How many graduates from our class are traversing the world, researching and adding to the vast body of human knowledge?" Marco…. That's right, I almost forgot- and I could never forget. He said that to me….. back when we first saw each other here in Seoul. "Heh, cheesy but true. Most girls back home are married and living fairly basic lives. But here you are, in South Korea working on a PhD thesis. Yeah, I was right; you proved me right." He always knew I was meant for more….. No ordinary life for me; deep, deep down we both knew I was never merely normal. This happens to be a consequence of that choice… of who I am as a person.
And look where I am now. I'll probably never see Daddy, Brad, Lee, Noah again. My eyes swelled up with a whole new batch of tears again. I'll never see them again…. Lee, Noah…. Marco. Marco….. It would be so much easier if I didn't love them so much; if I wasn't so attached. I wished I could turn it off- stop caring and let them go. Just walk away and never deal with this pain again. I already lost Noah once before….. If I knew it'd hurt this much, I wish I never laid eyes on them!
"I'm really grateful for your help, by the way." That voice! My eyes reopened slowly this time. It's my voice…. I said that once before; but who'd I say it to? My mind was firing off like a series of sparks, piecing together this memory buried somewhere deep inside my subconscious. A memory I didn't want to think of but something my mind- and heart- wouldn't let me forget….. I stared off into the dark black of the night as I relented and let my brain take over for a second. And as I stared, colours began to swirl around my periphery. Familiar colours…
"It's funny cause I kinda just assumed that when he left, he'd meet someone else and then it would just be over for us, you know." "Do you think you and Noah were meant to be together?" A long pause. "I always thought we were, but now…. I don't know. It's like I'm trying so hard to hold onto this thing and it feels like its slipping away." Another pause. "I don't know Flynn, but… if I found someone who I loved that was smart and funny and liked the same stuff I liked, I'd never make her feel like that." "Wouldn't let her get away, huh?" "I don't see it like that. You can't really hold on to someone, cause the tighter you hold onto them, the more they want to slip away. All you can do is love them, and make sure they know that… you're never gonna slip away."
Marco…. How could I have been so blind? He was talking about us in that moment. That he isn't going to hold onto me…. and that he loves me. He's never gonna slip away from me. "We'll see each other around, whether on campus or elsewhere. We will see each other." Oh god, why haven't I seen it before? "Look, I don't know why I'm doing this….. But I can't just leave you alone like that!" Was I really so blind? Did I refuse to let myself see because I knew if I did, I'd love him so much in return? "I just didn't meet anyone I wanted to date. Not since….." Marco. "Somehow without my ever noticing it, it felt so natural, having you near." Marco….. "Just so you know, Elle….. I'll support whatever you choose to do. I won't let anyone take advantage or hurt you if you choose your own way. If you end up deciding that getting back with Noah is what's best for you, I'll do everything I can to support you. And if you decide on something else, I'll stand behind you just as strong. No matter what you choose, Elle, I do what I can….. so long as you're happy. That's all I really want….. your happiness, Elle." Marco!
"I want to hold your hand."
I never wanted to get attached. I didn't set out to fall in love with him or anyone again; I was convinced that ship had sailed. Noah built these strong walls up all around my heart, and I was going to guard them forever. But then Marco had come along and ruined everything. He broke those concrete walls I had up for so long; they came tumbling down…. And he did so effortlessly- my walls came down without making a sound. How was that even possible? I didn't want to like him; I didn't want to give myself to anyone again. I didn't want to let him in….. So then why….? A tear rolled off my cheek, landing on the floor beneath my head.
It's no use; I can feel him everywhere now. I see him, I feel him…. He's in me, a part of me now, whether I like it or not. He's got a hold of me, and he isn't even using his hands. He's the only one I want too….. More tears burst from my eyes. I want him- I want Marco. I want him to be here with me. I would give anything to hear the sound of his voice again- the most calming, natural sound in existence. I should have listened to myself back in high school; I knew there was something between us. "You're right; I do have feelings for you." I said that; I said that to him at the kissing booth. And yet, I still chose Noah. I ran to Noah… Leaving him. I left Marco, and by some divine, wonderful, glorious miracle, we found each other again. He found me…..
I was drowning in tears once again. And right after we're back together, I'm taken away from him- from everyone. I'm here in the warehouse now, not knowing what will happen to me tomorrow. Marco and Noah will be returning to Seoul on the train tomorrow morning, if they're not already back. Now how's that for irony. Marco's the closest he's been to me in seven years; we're finally in the same city again. And here I am, trapped inside this hellhole.
He's here, and he's out of reach from me.