Steven followed Tangerine down the stairs to the training arena, looking around with wide eyes.
Every bit of familiarity was overshadowed with memories of Homeworld; training with the Quartzes and Rubies, teaching them, messing around with Agate when he was bored. Heh, she had started taking it easy on him once he'd started training the new soldiers. She seemed to notice his aversion to the electricity that usually consumed her whips - so when they were fighting against each other, she was typically careful to leave the electricity absent. It didn't really matter much - it made him a little more hesitant for sure, but he had gotten pretty good at learning how to dodge. And it was also extra motivation to do so. The hybrid shook his head a little at himself, reaching the bottom of the stairs and eyeing the tiles as he walked forward. "Wow. The Bismuths really outdid themselves with this one…" He commented.
"Right?" Tangerine whirled around to face him with a grin, curling her hands into fists and sliding back slightly to get into a fighting stance. Steven offered her an amused look in response, continuing on his way and circling around her silently without quite turning his back on the smaller Quartz; Tangerine turned with him, the grin on her face widening even further as she took another careful step forward. He took a step away from her in response, curling his lips back sharply and letting them turn upwards just a little into a steady, playful grin. "Ya ready?" Tangerine readied himself again, rolling her shoulders back; Steven let his gaze flick past her briefly, to where the others were. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were side by side, standing on the stairs somewhat anxiously. Greg eventually fell in beside Garnet, and Connie sat herself down beside Pearl on the stairs. The other gems had seated themselves calmly, watching curiously.
Steven summoned his scythe and twirled it lightly, pausing and glancing down at it for a second. He hadn't noticed the last few times he'd summoned it, but it felt different in his hands now. He could feel his fingers wrapping around it, and it took a more concentrated effort to hold it steady. "Hang on…" He trailed off, cautiously adjusting his grip. Right, he didn't have his limb enhancers. Certainly different, for him, but something he could learn to adjust to. He definitely wasn't going to put them back on just for the sake of fighting. The hybrid breathed in through his teeth, making sure his grip was as steady as it could be, and finally looked up to nod. "Let's go."
Tangerine lunged at once, and Steven leaped back, dodging a well-aimed but poorly-timed punch. He twirled the scythe and swung it forward, slamming the blunt end into the smaller Quartz's chest with just enough force to send her flying backwards; she twisted and flipped in the air to land on her feet again, huffing out an excited laugh, and Steven let out a few chuckles himself as he slid one foot back and twirled the scythe again. There, he was already adjusting. Just as long as he didn't try any of his more advanced moves just yet, he'd be alright. Besides - the limb enhancers mimicked the movements of his hands anyway, so he had to move them anyway more often than not. The only difference was that he was actually touching his weapon. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips, hefting it over his shoulder and flashing Tangerine a grin.
"Berry was right," he called, smirking as the smaller Quartz whirled around to face him again, eyes sparkling. Steven just tilted his head, taking a few steps back. "You are rusty, Tangy."
"Oh, I'm still gonna kick your butt!" Tangerine lunged again, and Steven laughed as he slashed the scythe down again, pressing the top of it against the ground and using it to push himself up. She managed to dodge a kick, grabbing onto his ankle before the hybrid could land, and Steven narrowed his eyes slightly and braced himself when the smaller Quartz whirled around and slung him forward, sending him flying back toward the stairs. The collective shrieks from the gems and humans startled him for a second - only the Homeworld gems didn't seem scared or alarmed, but the Crystal Gems and his Dad and Connie certainly were. Steven hissed, and sucked in a gasp as he crashed backwards into the stairs, dropping the scythe in favor of grabbing one of the steps he had landed on to steady himself and push himself back up again.
"Steven-!" Pearl shrieked, rushing down the stairs to him. She was followed closely by Amethyst and Greg, and while Garnet and Connie didn't move, the latter did push herself up worriedly. Steven hesitated slightly, heaving himself back up and reaching down for the scythe. "Oh my goodness, are you alright-?" The pale gem stammered when she reached him, and Steven pulled away slightly when she reached out for him, looking up to offer her a reassuring smile.
"This might be a little rough for-" Amethyst began.
"I'm fine, I'm good," Steven insisted instinctively, shaking his head slightly. Neither of the gems looked particularly reassured, and Greg looked like he was about ready to faint, but the hybrid turned away from them quickly. This was for fun, and he was having fun; if they thought this was rough, then they definitely didn't want to see how he fought against Agate. He and Tangerine could fight all day long and, eventually, either just give in and call it a truce or one of them would somehow, miraculously win. Of course, that had been back before she was trapped in a bubble for eight months; she was rusty, and Steven had been training all this time. "Trust me, it's okay," he added quickly, tugging his lips into a grin as he stepped back down the stairs. He didn't flinch, despite the pain in his back - he was fine, he'd had a lot worse. "This is pretty normal."
"That's what worries me," he heard Greg mumble behind him, and he paused for only a second before he continued on his way. He didn't want to upset them, but he'd already promised Tangerine a fight. Besides, he was having fun; everything else had either been overwhelming or emotional, and fighting was one of the few things that he could just do naturally. He wasn't good with stress and he wasn't good with emotions, but he was one hell of a fighter on the battlefield. The hybrid licked his lips, and Tangerine flashed him a grin as he approached.
The thing was, he knew Tangerine wouldn't hurt him. They could fight until they both gave up, and Steven would come out of it with little to no wounds. It was the same situation with Berry - they were both great fighters, and for the most part, they didn't hold back. But the thing was that even when they fought against each other, they were fighting with each other. They still moved with one another, careful and calculated and controlled. Steven would never hurt Tangerine, and Tangerine would never hurt him. But they'd both give it their all regardless. It was an unspoken agreement when they fought, and one that had existed since Steven had started his training.
Tangerine matched him blow for blow.
He fought, and grinned, and laughed. He released all the tension that had built up inside of him. It seemed to be just as therapeutic for Tangerine, too; she laughed every time she managed to send him flying backwards, and he didn't go any easier on her than he would have in any other situation. She deserved the chance to be able to beat him, if she was going to, on her own. And even if she didn't, releasing the tension and negativity of her own was definitely a good idea. For the most part, once he had finally settled again and adjusted to using his scythe without his limb enhancers, it was a little easier to fight her. She didn't throw him back as hard as she had before, and he didn't lose his balance or drop the weapon anymore. She did manage to grab onto the scythe herself to lift him up and flip him over her head, slamming him onto his back behind her, but the hybrid recovered quickly enough to roll over and grab her by the feet, hooking the scythe around one of her legs and turning to fling her back toward the stairs.
She skidded across the ground just before she could hit the stairs, and grinned as she launched herself forward and spin dashed toward him. The hybrid paused, skipping back a few steps and shifting his feet back so that he could steady himself, raising the scythe. Timing was everything. He watched her get closer, counting down silently in his head, and curled his lips back. He twirled the scythe and brought it down just as she reached him, and winced in surprise when she came to an abrupt stop, her physical form dissolving into a colorful cloud as she poofed. Steven stopped with the scythe raised, letting the cloud settle as the gem clattered to the floor.
The hybrid stared for a moment, slowly letting the scythe diminish. He hadn't meant to poof her; it wouldn't be the first time she'd gotten poofed during training, or just in general, but it was still the first time that Steven had ever poofed her himself. She hadn't been expecting it. He bit the inside of his cheek, reaching down to pick the gem up carefully. Tangerine usually took her time reforming, for the most part; she didn't rush it, letting it come naturally whenever she poofed. That, he did remember. The battle was an exception, and then after she'd been unbubbled, but the hybrid could understand why she'd wanted to reform quickly in both situations - still, he expected her to take at least a minute or so to reform, so he pinched the gem between his fingers as he walked forward and held it up to display to the others as he approached them. Briefly, his gaze flicked toward Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Connie and Greg. The wide-eyed shock on their faces didn't confuse him - he already had a feeling this wasn't normal, not to them.
He had a feeling a lot of the things Homeworld considered 'normal' weren't… normal.
"Nice job," Berry commented dryly. "You didn't kill her."
"I didn't exactly mean to poof her, either," Steven sighed, glancing back up at them. He offered Clementine a small smile when the Jasper hopped down the stairs, holding her hands out for the smaller Quartz's gem. He handed it over to her carefully, pulling back with an apologetic expression. "But she's unharmed. And I guess it just goes to show… I'm a better fighter."
"She's rusty, give her a break," Agate huffed, getting up and walking over to them. But she smirked at Steven as she approached, and the hybrid cracked a grin back at her in response. "Give me about a week with her and then step into the arena with her, you won't like it then. That's what happens when someone who can't poof fights against someone who rarely gets poofed," she added, glancing toward the Crystal Gems for a second. They seemed to have recovered for the most part, but Pearl looked the most unsettled as she glanced between Steven and Tangerine's gem. Steven caught her gaze momentarily, then bit the inside of his cheek and glanced away. They didn't seem upset, just uncomfortable. So poofing was another thing he should probably check off the list. Not that he minded that all too much, but… well, he doubted he'd be doing that much training recently anyway. "They're very competitive."
"I'm not," Steven objected, looking back up at his mentor with an indignant expression, and ignoring the deadpan looks that she, Berry, Clementine and Sage all shot him at once.
"I'm gonna take their word for it," Amethyst commented, looking a little less startled now. "Holy shit, little man- I think that was the most intense thing I've ever seen…"
Steven paused, glancing over at them again. The purple gem actually looked somewhat impressed, and Pearl seemed to have recovered. Garnet's expression was more or less unreadable; Steven couldn't help but stare at her for a moment, somewhat hesitant now, but he looked away again quickly enough, toward the others. Connie looked like she wasn't sure whether to be confused, shocked, impressed or all three, and Greg… yeah, he still looked concerned right then. Steven looked up at him, searching his gaze for any disappointment or disapproval, but all he saw was worry. Which he didn't really understand - Steven was fine, right? He had poofed Tangerine, but he was fine. And so was she. Why would Greg be…
"She might punch you," Clementine warned suddenly, and Steven looked up. Tangerine's gem was glowing; the Jasper held it up slightly so that the smaller Quartz could lift into the air. Steven rolled his shoulders back slightly, leaning back on his feet to watch as she reformed. It didn't take long once she'd started, but when she dropped to her feet, she looked… different. The hybrid blinked, just staring in silence, somewhat taken aback by her appearance. The Homeworld uniform was gone. Instead, she wore a shirt that… slightly resembled Amethyst's. The top of the outfit - which was black, with a giant yellow star on one side and two smaller ones, each varying shades of a somewhat darker orange - had the same kind of straps, but it cut off above the smaller Quartz's stomach, revealing her gem; and it picked up again below that, with pants of the same color that completely covered her legs and feet. Steven couldn't help but stare at first, understandably startled; he opened his mouth slightly, wide-eyed.
Tangerine spun around the second she reformed, her newly-formed pigtails flying as she moved. Steven was too caught off guard to block or dodge when she lunged for him again, but it didn't matter; the Quartz barreled into him and sent them both rolling. He ended up pinned, holding his arms up in surrender while Tangerine held him down with her hands on his chest.
"You beat me!" The smaller Quartz exclaimed, lightly punching his stomach, above where his gem was. Steven winced and huffed out a laugh, pushing his hands against her shoulders in an attempt to shove her off of him, but she shoved him right back down again. "I can't believe it! What happened to ya, huh?! Who do I gotta maim?! Someone done taught you somethin' you don't need to be knowin', if it's good enough to poof me! I don't get poofed, Quartzy, and if ya ever do that again, I swear, I'm gonna crush ya," Tangerine warned, and Steven finally gave up on trying to push her off, choosing instead to use his hands to heave himself up a little to sit up.
"Fine," he agreed breathlessly, cracking a lopsided grin. "You look different."
Tangerine huffed, lightly pushing him back down - and Steven squealed out a laugh in a half-hearted protest - before she finally jumped off of him again. "Good different, yeah?"
"Mm… yeah." Steven nodded slightly, twisting to push himself up. Only to stop, gasping, when Tangerine abruptly grabbed him by the back of his shirt to lift him to his feet. A startled yelp broke through his lips, landing quickly enough on his feet with his shirt still raised, and Tangerine was cackling as she skipped backwards a few steps and avoided a half-hearted swat from the hybrid. "You're such a sore loser!" He exclaimed teasingly, shoving his shirt back down quickly - but not quickly enough, it seemed. Tangerine paused, tilting her head slightly at him, before abruptly stepping forward again. Steven winced in surprise, but he didn't object or pull away, when the Quartz grabbed his shirt to yank it up again, turning him around to stare at his back. The hybrid tensed slightly, briefly glancing up at where the others were, and turned his head. "Uh… Tangy?" He said tentatively. "What is it?"
"Ya still ain't healin'?" Tangerine let him go, and the hybrid turned before he had the chance to completely tug his shirt down again. The collective gasps from behind him made him flinch, but he didn't turn around again to see their reactions this time, just breathed in and shook his head. "What gives?" She demanded. "I know ya ain't doing it on purpose… are you?"
"No," Steven replied quickly. "No, I'm not. I just… can't." He gestured toward his face, to the scars he now knew resided there, and Tangerine furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. The hybrid hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment, then cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back, stepping away from the smaller Quartz. "It's not a big deal, anyway," he said quickly, turning around again to face the others and looking down to adjust his shirt again. He watched Pearl lift a hand slightly, opening her mouth only to cover it again. Amethyst and Garnet seemed to hesitate; the purple gem glanced over at the fusion, and shook her head.
"Well." Garnet lifted a hand, adjusting her visor. "It's getting late. Perhaps we should get back."
Steven paused, staring at her, then flicked his gaze upwards. He hadn't noticed it before, how dark the sky had gotten; it had been a bright, pale blue when they'd started fighting, but now it was much darker, the sky painted in different shades of blue, orange and pink.
He couldn't stop staring, even when Tangerine finally walked past him.
"Steven?" Pearl's voice, quiet and hesitant, finally snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked back down, eyes wide, but he rushed forward quickly after a second to meet the gems and humans; Lemon Lime, Candy and Berry had already retreated to the warp pad, but Clementine was heading down the stairs with Agate and Sage now, calling the smaller Quartz back for more training. Tangerine, of course, didn't seem to have any objections with that; Steven leaned to the side and offered her a small smile when she rushed past him to catch up with the others. He looked up, hopping up the stairs to get to the others, and he leaned forward slightly when Pearl reached out for him again, letting the pale gem smooth his hair back carefully. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah." Steven offered her a smile, a little wider this time. Pearl almost looked taken aback for a second, but it didn't take long for a look of relief to flush across her face, a warm smile steadily replacing the concerned frown that had previously been there. "Sorry if that was… uh, too intense," he added quickly, glancing back at the others. "I know it's probably really different here, but we're used to training like that back home- back on Homeworld," he corrected himself quickly, biting the inside of his cheek. Home. He didn't want to think of Homeworld like that.
"It's okay, Schtu-ball," Greg chided, and Steven glanced back up at them. He reacted to the nickname almost instinctively, flicking his gaze up to his Dad and offering a small smile.
"Besides, you were pretty cool out there anyway!" Amethyst exclaimed, as Pearl wrapped an arm around Steven's shoulders to lead him to the warp pad. The hybrid fell into step with her, leaning into the gentle touch and letting his smile widen a little more at the purple gem's praise. "Man, you're really good at fighting now. And where the heck did you get that scythe?!"
"Berry made it," Steven huffed out a laugh, looking ahead, but the Ruby had already warped away with the others. "She makes weapons and stuff. I needed a better weapon, for the war." The hybrid lifted a hand slightly, running his fingers through his hair carefully. "I've got a shield, too, but I can't really do as much with that except block attacks and stuff when I'm fighting. But that's only if I'm fighting against someone with a weapon," he added faintly. "There's not much of a point otherwise. Tangerine can't hurt me, not really, and she wouldn't hurt me anyways."
"But you're hurt anyway, right?" Connie asked suddenly, and Steven paused, glancing at her. The human hesitated for a second, staring at him for a moment as she stepped onto the warp pad, but she continued again quickly after a moment, "your back… you've got a lot of scars…"
"Oh." Steven paused, stepping up with Pearl. "Those are from the destabilizers." At that, Pearl seemed to freeze glancing at him, and Amethyst's expression shifted slightly as she stepped up with Garnet beside her. Greg was the last one up, once again looking somewhat out of place; he looked nervous, uncertain, but more concerned than anything as he stared down at Steven. He was the one that broke the silence, sounding confused and concerned as he stepped forward.
"De… stabilizers?"
Steven nodded slightly, biting the inside of his cheek. He steadied himself as the warp pad activated, staring at the stream for a moment. "Yeah…" He trailed off, breathing in slowly. "Uh, destabilizers are usually used to poof gems. They're pretty much made of electricity," he added. He could feel them ripping through his back even as he spoke, he could feel the pain, he could feel his legs go numb. For a second, he almost thought that he would fall, that his knees were going to buckle underneath him. He figured the only thing keeping him from falling right then was the fact that he was floating in the warp stream; he reminded himself to steel himself, knowing he was about to land on a warp pad at any given second. "And… during my punishments, that's what they used. Since I couldn't poof," he added quickly, chest tightening. "Since… since I couldn't poof, they figured it was better… because it still hurt anyway, and…"
"Oh my god…" Greg whispered, rubbing his face. Pearl had covered her mouth again; Amethyst, once more, looked absolutely furious, and Garnet was, once again, unreadable. But the look of absolute horror written across Connie's face was the only thing he needed to see for him to root his gaze downwards, shoulders tensing slightly. Great, he'd done it again. He was starting to wonder if he should answer their questions honestly at this point - it never seemed to go well when he told them about the things that had happened back on Homeworld, anyway. Maybe they were just reacting… about as well as could have been expected, but it was still…
Steven wasted no time when he finally landed on the warp pad, feeling a rush of instant relief when he could finally jump down. He pulled away from Pearl to do so, stepping down and immediately heading over to where Berry was standing, with a screen open in front of her. "Hey," he greeted hesitantly, grateful for the distraction. Berry glanced up briefly, arching an eyebrow, before looking back down again with a noncommittal grunt. "What're you doing?"
"Making notes," Berry replied faintly, typing something in and closing the screen again. "I was also thinking I should probably find somewhere else to park the ship. In case any humans…"
"I know somewhere you can take it," Garnet cut in.
Berry looked up at once, eyes widening as she stared at the fusion. "Whatever you want."
Steven managed a hesitant smile, stepping back as the fusion passed him to lead Berry outside again, and he took a deep breath and leaned back once they were gone. He wished he could feel anything other than pure wariness around Garnet, but he was still so uncertain with her. Her powers had scared him. The hybrid ran his tongue over his lips, staring at the door for a few seconds, then finally lifted his gaze toward the portrait above it. He stared, lost in thought, trapped in another whirlwind of visions and pictures that never really completely clicked. The fact that he could vaguely remember having met her before somewhat confused him. She was gone, right? That was another thing he had remembered. She was gone. He couldn't meet her.
"Guys," Candy gasped suddenly, tearing the hybrid out of his thoughts. He looked down, furrowing his eyebrows and walking forward when the pink Pearl beckoned him and Lemon Lime over to where she was standing in front of the large window beside the door. "Look." She pressed her hands against the window, leaning forward to look up at the sky; Steven leaned forward slightly, himself, and Lemon Lime stretched up to lean over him, peering upwards. What he saw drew a quiet gasp from his own lips - the sky had darkened even further, the brilliant oranges and pinks and blues mixing together. But it looked even more beautiful with the sand and the giant, moving water outside; he could see the reflection of the Earth's sun in the water, with the colors rippling around it. "The Earth's sky…" Candy whispered. "It has so many colors."
The hybrid leaned forward a little more, looking back up at the sky once again. "It's beautiful…" He breathed after a moment, briefly distracted from the anxiety that had been churning in his gut. Candy was right; there were so many colors. And they always seemed to be changing - whether it was blue, or white, or orange or pink. He wondered what it would look like next. Steven furrowed his eyebrows, leaning slightly to the side and looking over at Connie when the human stepped up beside them, peering through the window to focus on the sky with a smile.
"It looks even better outside," she commented quietly, glancing at Steven. "Wanna check it out?" The hybrid paused, glancing over at Candy and Lemon Lime; they both nodded quickly, looking excited, and Steven cracked a small smile, glancing over at Connie as she chuckled. "C'mon."
"I'm gonna make dinner!" Pearl called from the kitchen. "Connie, are you staying?"
"I think I can stay for dinner, but it's a school night." Connie opened the door for the others, and Steven waited for Candy and Lemon Lime to walk through before he followed after them, heading down the stairs and glancing back slightly to see if the human was following. She said something else, something the hybrid didn't catch this time, before she shut the door and turned to rush down the stairs with the others, offering Steven a smile when she fell into step with him. He returned it hesitantly, genuinely hoping he hadn't upset her. She was really nice - and he could tell they were close. Like with the others, the last thing he wanted to do was upset her, especially when he was just trying to answer what should have been a normal question.
"Lime, look!" Candy squealed, grabbing the Peridot's hand and running forward, toward the water. He stumbled to keep up, but he was grinning as he followed, anyway. Steven slowed slightly after a moment, glancing toward the water as it splashed up against the sand, briefly coming close enough that the hybrid honestly thought it was going to keep moving forward - but it retreated again after a moment, falling into place with the rest of the water, and he relaxed.
"Well, they're definitely Earth enthusiasts," Connie commented with a giggle, and Steven couldn't help but huff out a chuckle, biting the inside of his cheek to keep back a smile. "Hey…" Connie trailed off hesitantly, and Steven glanced over at her, furrowing his eyebrows faintly. "I didn't mean to press you… about the scars. I'm sure it has to be hard to talk about…"
"No," Steven admitted quickly, shaking his head. Connie blinked, glancing up at him in surprise, and the hybrid hesitated for a second before he continued, "I don't mind talking about it, actually. It's… pretty normal for me," he added, taking a deep breath and looking away from her briefly, to look back toward Lemon Lime and Candy. The Pearl had waded into the water, and the Peridot was - reluctantly - removing his limb enhancers again so that he could follow after her as well. Steven watched them for a moment, rolling his shoulders back and heaving out another sigh. "It's just, every time I talk about it… everyone seems really uncomfortable." He hesitated again briefly, running his tongue over his lips and glancing up. "I don't wanna make anyone upset."
"Nobody's upset," Connie assured quickly, eyes widening slightly. "At least, not at you…" She trailed off once again, and Steven sighed, glancing over at her silently. Everyone kept reassuring him of that, that nobody was going to get upset or angry with him, but it was still hard to believe. It was still hard to think he wasn't going to get into trouble for something, whatever it was. There still had to be something, something he did or said one day that made them angry. "I mean, we're just… worried, that's all. It's hard hearing about what happened…" She trailed off again and swallowed, and Steven furrowed his eyebrows. "I think we all just wish we could've been there for you. It must have been really awful, and really- really scary, going through all that, and it's just…" Connie fell silent for a while, biting her lip, then shook her head slightly. "But we're not upset with you for talking about it. You should be talking about it! You can talk to us about anything. I think we're all just surprised that you are now, since…" She stopped.
Steven stared at her for a moment, finally relaxing completely beside the human. She made him feel safe, too - safe, but guilty, and confused, and conflicted. He wanted to talk to her, and he understood what she was saying, and he wanted to believe her. He just hated the thought of saying something wrong, doing something wrong with her. He had just gotten all of this back - just started to remember - he didn't want to do anything to ruin that. He didn't want to make them mad at him, or make them hate him. "I… guess I didn't… talk to you guys much, did I?" He wondered, searching the human's gaze. "Is that why everyone seems so… surprised when…"
Connie hesitated for a few seconds, then nodded slowly. "Yeah. You just… you didn't like talking about whatever was wrong. If you were feeling upset, or scared, or anything like that," she mumbled, raising a hand to rub the back of her neck. "Usually you'd just keep it all to yourself unless someone managed to get you to open up, but even then, you… you were always more worried about everyone else. I guess that itself hasn't changed much," she commented after a moment, huffing out a hollow laugh. "... honestly, I'm… glad you're talking to us now, though…" She paused, as Steven furrowed his eyebrows, gazing at her. "I mean, I know it's hard, for all of us- especially you," she added, shaking her head. "But I'm glad that you want to talk about it at all." Connie fell silent for a while after that, tearing her gaze away from him briefly. There was another quick, split-second moment of hesitation, before she added, "that you feel like you can."
Steven blinked back at her, silently studying her face for a while. But he nodded after a moment, still staring at her, before he spoke, quietly, "then… I'll tell you whatever you want to know."
"Only if you want to, Steven," Connie murmured, looking ahead for a moment. Steven continued to gaze at her for a few seconds before he finally turned away again, silently lifting his hands to clasp them together and lightly trailing his fingers up his arms, tracing the scars still left behind by the limb enhancers. Connie finally turned her head to glance over at him, and he felt her gaze linger for a few good seconds, rubbing his thumb over the scars faintly before he let his arms drop again. "Do they hurt?" Connie asked suddenly - Steven paused, blinking, and glanced over at the human for a second before following her gaze down to the scars again.
"No." He shook his head slightly.
Connie's gaze flicked toward his back. "Any of them?"
"Not anymore." The hybrid bit his lip, grimacing. "Not for a while. It's just something I've…" He trailed off, taking a deep breath and offering a hesitant shrug. "Gotten used to, I guess. The scars don't hurt as much as the destabilizers do. Once it's done and over with, it's not as bad." He reached behind him slightly, curling his fingers against the back of his shirt with a frown.
He watched Connie hesitate, studying him silently before glancing toward his back again. Then she lifted a hand slightly, stepping closer to him, and Steven blinked. "Can I…?"
It took Steven a second to realize what she was requesting. He didn't hesitate too much in lifting his shirt up - he did, however, take a moment to study her carefully before he did, just to make sure that was what she really wanted. She stepped forward to help him lift his shirt a little more, stepping around him to see his back - and he heard a quiet, somewhat shaky gasp from behind him when they finally managed to lift it up past his shoulder blades. The hybrid swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. It didn't hurt - but there was something about this, about her seeing them, about being this vulnerable… he knew he could trust her, everything inside of him, every instinct, every part of him knew he could. He did trust her. He wanted to trust her. That wasn't the problem… that wasn't it at all.
"Steven…" Her voice was hushed, trembling. He heard every missing word in each shuddering breath, everything she wanted to say but either couldn't or wouldn't spit out right then. He felt her pain, and her fear, and her worry. He felt her horror over what she was seeing right then. There was no anger, like he had expected. No rage, no fury for the gems who'd done this. Right then, there was nothing but pain - pain for him, he knew, pain for something that he couldn't really feel any pain for, himself. He ran his tongue over his lips and flinched, arching his back slightly when he felt her fingers, warm and soft against his skin, brush lightly across his spine; it took him a moment to relax under the touch, breathing somewhat shakily now as she traced one of the scars. It ached under the contact, another phantom pain connected to the wounds; for a moment, he was on his knees again, held down with the destabilizer pressed into his spine. For a moment, he was frozen in time, sent back to something else. For a moment, the pain… even for all her tenderness, the gentleness in which she touched the scars on his back, it still hurt.
It flooded his senses, stealing his breath away.
Finally, he pulled away; he turned just as quickly, letting his shirt fall back into place and reaching out to catch her hand in the same second, guiding her away from the scars before he had even completely turned around to face her again. The touch was careful, cautious - he didn't want to hurt her, and he wasn't going to attempt it, but he couldn't deal with the contact. He couldn't deal with her touching the scars, not yet. And judging by the tears in her eyes, ready to spill, she couldn't quite deal with it yet either. Neither of them were ready for this, not then.
Connie shook her head slightly, looking up at him desperately. The tears hadn't spilled yet; Steven found himself reaching out with his other hand, somewhat hesitantly, to brush them away himself with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he whispered, this time knowing what he was apologizing for. Maybe it wasn't entirely justified - but he had done this, hadn't he? He remembered that much. He had been the one to turn himself in to Homeworld. He was sure he'd have known what he was doing when he did, sure he must have known the consequences. He'd done it for them, but that didn't mean it wasn't painful for everyone else involved. He was starting to wonder who had been hurt the most out of this situation - them, or himself. He was leaning toward the first option. At least he had come to terms with the things that happened to him, the things he went through on Homeworld. At least, he'd come to accept that he either deserved most of it or he just couldn't do anything about it otherwise. They hadn't, not yet. They hadn't had the chance to think all this through, for all this time. They'd thought he was dead.
"No…" The human shook her head again and pulled him into a hug. This time, Steven wrapped his arms around her tightly in response, digging his fingers into the back of her shirt silently.
"No," she breathed again shakily, burying her face into his shoulder. "No… I'm sorry."