It wasn't often that Xin felt a calm rage. Xin's anger was a loud explosion that often blinded her. She saw complete red and it usually took a lot just to calm her down and see reason. But Xin was calm. Her mind wasn't racing and ironically, Xin knew that was a bad sign. Usually she'd have chaotic energy bouncing off around her and she wouldn't be able to sit still. Her mind would be racing with murderous thoughts and she'd already brandish a weapon of some sort, whether it was a kunai knife or one of her bladed fans.
The only time she could recall feeling this calm was when she was sent out on her asssainsation missions. On those sort of missions, she always had to keep her head clear to get the job done with no mistakes made. Right now, Xin was on a mission, maybe not to actually kill her but she was going to snatch that girl up. She was going to get her hands on Yoshiko, regardless.
She'd been warned, Yoshiko had been warned that Xin was not the type of woman to be fucked with. She should have come clean right then and there when Xin had given her that warning. It just might have saved her an ass-whooping. Okay, it wouldn't have saved her the ass-whooping but that wasn't the goddamn point.
The point was, she was going to hurt Yoshiko.
She wished she'd been wrong about Yoshiko, that her paranoia was just that. Paranoia. But it fuckin' wasn't. As usual, Xin's suspicions had been proven right and now she had to knock this girl's head from her shoulders. Gaara wouldn't be happy about it and Mai would bitch, no doubt, but she couldn't give one singular fuck at that moment in time.
She appeared in Gaara's office, a loud plume of smoke momentarily hiding her form. She swept the thick smoke away with a sharp wave of her hand. Kankuro, Jura and Gaara stared at her in confusion but she ignored them. Yoshiko blinked wide eyes at her before they narrowed in annoyance.
"Hyuga-san," Yoshiko hissed at her, fed up. "I've told you before that you can't just barge in here—"
Jura shook his head, "give it a rest, Yosh."
Gaara squinted at Xin, "is something wrong?"
Xin started moving towards Yoshiko.
"Hell, Xin you looked pissed—holy shit."
Kankuro gaped when Xin abruptly kicked at Yoshiko's ankle. It snapped loudly, the crack of her bone bouncing off the walls of the office. Yoshiko cried out and stumbled awkwardly, taking all of her weight off of her now broken ankle. Xin pulled her fist back and it flew, knocking Yoshiko to the floor like a felled tree. Her movements were methodical, well thought out as Yoshiko held her face. A laugh pressed against her lips as Xin leaned over the redheaded woman, sounding both hollow and bubbly at the same time. "I'm going to cut your fuckin' head off," she threatened almost gleefully, hands reaching forward.
"Xin, stop!"
Jura, bless his soul, but he attempted to stop her. His arms curled around her but Xin lashed out, lightning quick. A jab to the stomach, a punch to the face and a final kick to the gut was enough to knock Jura's lights out. He dropped like a sack of potatoes, groaning in pain and head spinning. Xin didn't spare him a second glance, whipping back around to look down at Yoshi.
"I'm gonna hurt you real bad," she promised, nevermind the fact that she'd already hurt her by breaking her ankle and punching her square in the face. "I warned you." Xin's hands wrapped around Yoshiko's neck. She wanted nothing more than to twist her hands and snap Yoshi's neck but it's out of the question. She can't kill her like she wants to and fuck, does she want to.
But she's going to hurt her. She's going to make sure that Yoshiko learned that fucking with Hyuga Xin is damn there a death sentence. Fuck what anyone else had to say about it, they were going to be pissed and that was just fine with her. She would deal with the backlash after she's made her point.
Yoshiko struggled from beneath her, wildly clawing at Xin in an attempt to get her off. Xin pulled one hand back and savagely punched the redhead again, further disorienting her. With one hand still wrapped around her neck, her free hand reached for the holster strapped to her thigh. Tears began gushing at the corner of Yoshiko's eyes as she frantically watched the tip of a kunai knife draw closer to her eye.
She bucked her hips, desperate in her attempt to fling Xin off of her. But it was like Xin had grown several pounds heavier at that moment because she didn't budge. Yoshiko wasn't sure what was worse, being strangled or having her eyeball gouged out of her goddamn face. She felt the cool metal resting against her skin and it caused the tears to come faster.
"You like stealing from people? You like reading things not meant for you?" Xin asked, knowing Yoshiko physically couldn't answer due to the hand wrapped around her throat. "I warned Mai. I told that old woman that if she kept fucking with me, I'd kill everyone she loved." Veins strained at her temples, ending at her eyes. It was horrifying to watch, even worse to hear the sound of her skin being stretched to accommodate her bulging veins.
Sand began wrapping around Xin's wrists, yanking them up and away from Yoshiko. She scowled harshly as the kunai fell from her fingers. Not one to be outdone, she rolled backwards onto her back, wrapping her thighs around Yoshiko's neck. She twisted her hips, rolling Yoshiko to the side and completely ensnaring her in her grasp. Yoshiko let out a strangled shriek, pain radiating not only from her face but from her broken ankle as she was jostled roughly around.
The sand around her wrists tightened almost painfully before more began to wrap around her legs, prying them apart. Yoshiko was freed with a hard gasp, Kankuro quickly swooping in to snatch her away from his sister in-law. He backed away, putting Gaara's desk in between them as if it wasn't enough that Xin was being restrained. He knew that if Xin managed to get out of the sand, a flimsy desk would not be enough to keep her away.
"Enough!" Gaara's anger was enough to rattle the room. He turned blazing eyes on Xin, sand tightened by his anger. "What the fuck? Are you insane?" he demanded, the sound of Yoshiko's sobbing grated at his brain. Bruises were already beginning to form around her neck and her ankle hung at an awkward angle. "Explain yourself, Xin."
But Xin ignored him. In fact, she didn't even react to being restrained and lifted up. She blinked slowly, completely bypassing Gaara to stare directly at Yoshiko. Her face was stony, not an ounce of emotion showing. There wasn't anger, there wasn't sadness, there wasn't even any glee at the prospect of hurting Yoshiko.
Just stony indifference.
There were three more clouds of smoke that exploded after a tense pause. The smoke cleared to reveal Naruto, Sasuke and Hinata. None seemed that surprised with the sight that greeted them. They were fully prepared for a shit show but they had to admit that it was surprising how quickly Xin managed to hurt Yoshiko in just mere minutes. Hinata, carrying a box, cringed at that moment.
Sasuke's sword was out within moments, pointed once more at Gaara. The redhead noticed immediately that Sasuke's expression was eerily similar to Xin's expression. Xin often spoke poorly of Sasuke, teasing him viciously but he wondered if she realized that they shared a lot of mannerisms. Perhaps it had something to do with them growing up together, despite each vehemently denying the notion.
"Put her down."
"Move your sword."
The room became heavy with tension, ruined only by Yoshiko's strangled sobbing. "Fuck, Xin, what did you do to the girl? You had like a five minute start before we even got here and you got the girl sobbing like you were trying to kill her," Naruto spoke up, not the least bit put off by the tense atmosphere. Hinata sighed at this, shaking her head. She noticed Jura laying in a heap and frowned, setting the box down on the desk to kneel by him.
"What happened to Jura?" she asked, running the tips of her fingers across his bruised cheek.
"Xin happened to Jura," Kankuro sourly pointed out, still cradling Yoshiko.
"She was trying to kill her," Gaara grumped in annoyance, eyes still trained on Sasuke. He'd be a fool to take his eyes off of the Uchiha.
"I wasn't going to kill her," Xin finally spoke since being dragged away from Yoshiko. "I was just going to hurt her. Badly." Her lip pulled back with the threat. Her Byakugan was still activated, veins still straining around her eyes. It was enough to add an eerie glow to her empty expression.
"Xin," Hinata sighed, still crouched over Jura. "You didn't have to hit Jura.."
"Poor guy's knocked out cold."
Kankuro made a noise in his throat, something akin to a laugh. He was just a bit disturbed that none of them seemed concerned that Xin was two seconds away from committing murder in the middle of the office. Of course they were all aware that Xin was fully capable of such a thing but Hell, Yoshiko was just a secretary. She wasn't some sort of threat.
But then again, he'd warned his siblings that Xin would come home and lose her shit with Yoshiko. The redhead wouldn't sit right with Xin and the girl would do everything in her power until Xin snapped. Honestly, if the council's plan of Yoshiko being a distraction to Gaara failed, they could simply use Xin attacking her as a means to paint Xin in a bad light. It wouldn't do them any good if rumors begin to spread about the Kazekage's wife attacking his assistant. They'd call her jealous, insecure and insane.
And while Xin wasn't by any means jealous or insecure, not to his knowledge anyway, she was insane. Honestly, he thought it was pretty despicable that the council would even use Yoshiko as a pawn. Putting her on Xin's shitlist was the quickest way to sign the poor girl's death sentence. It didn't help much that she was pretty damn annoying either.
"We need to focus," Gaara snapped, irritated that Konoha Shinobi were unconcerned with the real matter at hand. Jura would be fine. Eventually. Xin had yet to explain herself for even attacking Yoshiko in the first place. "Xin, explain yourself."
"Put her down first," Sasuke snapped before Xin could open her mouth.
"Mind yourself, Uchiha. This is my village, my office and my wife. You don't get to make any demands," Gaara replied with just as much bite to his tone. His patience with the Uchiha was beginning to wane down into nothing. He was about two seconds away from wrapping him up and tossing his ass right out of the village.
The blade inched closer to Gaara's face but he didn't budge an inch. He wasn't going to crumble in front of a fuckin' sword. He was the goddamn Kazekage, a sword did not scare him. Sasuke's stony expression crumbled, head twitching to the side. "You're hurting her."
Gaara finally looked back to Xin. Her face hadn't changed but he could see the slight twitch of her fingers. The sand was tight around her limbs and would leave bruises behind. Her wrists and thighs would be mottled with bright purple patches in just a few minutes and he felt the guilt beginning to gnaw at him. It was wrong for her to attack Yoshiko in the first place but he couldn't stand the thought of Xin being hurt. Especially if it was his fault.
His sand was gone in an instant, leaving Xin to drop ungracefully on unsteady feet. She stumbled from her abrupt landing, features finally twisting uncomfortably. Sasuke's blade was gone at that same moment, his arm reaching out to steady Xin. Gaara wasn't sure how to feel, eyes narrowing as Sasuke's arm wrapped around Xin's waist. Just as he thought, her wrists were a bright purple and there wasn't any doubt that her thighs looked the same underneath her pants.
"Explain yourself, Xin. Don't test me." Gaara's order was harsh and to the point, leaving no room for argument. He didn't want to hear any of her excuses.
"Maybe you shouldn't test me," Xin snarled right back, her first full sign of emotion. Sasuke's arm stayed around her waist, halting her from stomping up to Gaara. "You and everyone else, you were dumb enough to trust this girl. You didn't even try to figure out her intentions, even though she's the fuckin' granddaughter of a politician! I told you they couldn't be trusted, I told you!"
Gaara blinked at her, completely confused as to what she was talking about. Her outburst hadn't explained a goddamn thing. "Xin, that doesn't explain shit and you know it," he snapped at her, fed up with the situation.
"Look in the fuckin' box!" Xin yelled, throwing her arms up.
Gaara glanced at the box, having forgotten about it for the moment. He shot Xin another look but slowly reached for the box. The office was silent, Yoshiko's painful wails having died down into pathetic sniffles. If Xin could be trusted, Kankuro would have put her down on the couch just so he could see what the hell was in the box. But he felt like the moment he did, Xin would resume her attack and it seemed like the Konoha Shinobi wouldn't bother with restraining her.
Gaara was silent as he reached into the box, pulling out an opened letter. It was addressed to him and sent from Konoha. They were from Xin. His blood ran cold. He continued to look into the box, digging through letters addressed both to him and Xin. Most of her letters were opened while all of his remained sealed shut.
"Where did you get these?" he asked quietly, staring down at an opened letter. The second letter sent to him, judging by the date. His eyes skimmed the details, picking out words such as miscarriage, depression and insecure. Intimate things that shouldn't have been read by anyone but him.
"We found the box in Yoshikio's closet," Hinata uttered from the floor. Her hand was hovering over Jura's face, fingers glowing green. She wasn't a master medical-nin like Xin or Sakura but she knew enough, at least to heal Jura's bruises. She felt bad that Jura had been abused but she had to wonder why the hell he would try to physically get into Xin's way. "Xin had her suspicions and she said she hoped she was wrong but…" she trailed off, eyes turning back to Jura.
"I struggled," Xin began, her voice sounding weak. "I struggled for months with everything that was going on and all I wanted was a fuckin' letter from you. Something, anything! She had no right, Gaara, no right at all! She's been stealing from the both of us. I thought I was going to come back here and get a fuckin' divorce or something. I thought you were done with me, that you'd fallen out of love when I was at my lowest because you weren't saying anything back! Only to find out that your psychotic ass assisant was hoarding our shit like a fuckin' cracked out fiend."
Gaara didn't reply, still staring at the letter. His eyes roved over the words, words sinking in. Xin, despite her amnesiac fog, had still taken the time to write to him, to explain everything that was going on in her life. She had done what she could to keep the communication between them strong even if they couldn't physically see one another. Even though she couldn't remember shit else, she still remembered him.
And Yoshiko had taken that from him.
"I told her," her voice began to shake, sounding watery and strained. "I told her that I wasn't the one to fuck with and I meant it. If you really expect me to let this slide, you don't know me at all. She has to pay. Her and Mai. They both have to pay. I don't care what you say. Their meddling has to come to an end and if you won't do something about it, I will."
"Xin.." his voice trailed off.
"No!" Xin shouted. "Don't you try to flip this and make it okay. It's not okay. That was stealing and...manipulation. I'm not going to let the shit slide because she's a civilian."
Gaara put the letter down, eyes falling onto the stacks. He wanted to read them, all of them. "It's because she's a civilian that you can't attack her like that. She has no real way of defending herself."
"She'd be fucked even if she was an actual Shinobi."
"Not the point, Xin," Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, this doesn't have to be an argument. We can talk about this," he tried in a soothing tone. "Alone," he cut his eyes at Sasuke. This was a personal matter and he wouldn't have it with a goddamn audience.
Sasuke snorted and rolled his eyes, arms folded tightly against his chest. "You want us to leave her alone with you?"
Hinata spoke up at that point, sighing as she did so. "Gaara's married to Xin, he has the right to talk to her privately. He isn't a danger to her."
"Look at her wrists."
"Sasuke, we both know that trying to physically restrain Xin would warrant an injury. Look at Jura."
Naruto snorted, "Poor idiot."
Hinata paused to look at Naruto in disapproval. "Gaara wouldn't intentionally hurt Xin. I think it's best that we give them time to talk, this isn't a conversation everyone should hear," she continued while still focused on her task. "We should probably take Jura and Yoshiko to the hospital anyway, yes? I think I see bone."
Naruto and Kankuro visibly cringe.
The fact that Sasuke and Hinata shared similar mannerisms with Xin was a bit creepy, Gaara noted. He wondered if Hanabi, Neji and Itachi shared those same odd twitches and if it was just a thing shared between the five of them or if it was their clans' doing.
"I know what you're doing, Hinata," Sasuke grumbled in distaste. Well, Gaara was glad someone else could see her sneakiness. The Hyuga only smiled, standing up. She shot him a pointed look before looking back down at Jura. She certainly wasn't going to carry him.
"It's fine, Sasuke," Xin spoke up, hands pulling on her hair. The Uchiha eyed her movements, hand snatching at her wrist when she pulled just a bit too hard on her hair. Gaara's eyes narrowed slightly but he didn't say anything more. "Hinata is right, I probably would have lashed out at Gaara if he tried to stop me himself. The sand was necessary."
Sasuke wasn't convinced and it was obvious. It pissed Gaara off, it wasn't like he was actively trying to hurt his wife. He would never willingly hurt Xin. The fact that she was unwillingly hurt by him was enough to make his stomach turn.
"Take Jura to get looked at properly," Xin muttered.
"And Yoshiko—"
"—Yoshiko can fuckin' rot for all I care," Xin snarled nearly immediately. She looked towards the crumpled woman, small and pathetic in Kankuro's arms. She wasn't sorry for attacking her, she was only sorry she'd been stopped. It was her turn to receive Hinata's look of disapproval but Xin wouldn't relent and her sister was fully aware of the fact. Naruto gathered Jura's bulky frame with ease and follows everyone out of the office, the doors clicking softly behind them. The office was thrown into a tense silence, the couple staring each other down. Just as her sister knew, her husband knew as well, she wasn't sorry for her actions.
"If I had the opportunity, I'd kill her."
Gaara would like to say he was surprised by her very simple statement but he just wasn't. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to. Something stopped her, as she could have easily broken Yoshiko's neck or just stabbed her.
"Your sadism is showing,"
Xin's aggravated facade cracked for a moment, allowing her to let out a sarcastic snort. She folded her arms across her chest and pointedly looked away from him, mouth twitching. "Now is not the time for flirtation." Her foot began tapping restlessly at the floor, patience having run thin a long time ago.
Gaara ignored her fidgeting and stepped towards her, hands reaching for her. He ran his fingers over the skin of her wrists, frowning at the sight of her skin turning purple. "I'm sorry."
His eyes drifted upwards, watching the slow but devilish smile pull at her plump lips. Her hands rotated, fingers gripping tightly at his forearms. Her smile widened, pulling upwards to the left in a mischievous bid. "Oh, honey," Xin rocked forward on the tips of her toes, smiling mouth brushing against his. "Not as sorry as you're gonna be if you don't do something about this."
Gaara snorted against her smiling lips. "Are you threatening me?"
"Call it what you want," Xin pulled away abruptly. "I told you before that these politicians couldn't be trusted, that Mai couldn't be trusted—"
"What do you want me to do, Xin? Have her executed?"
"I want you to take responsibility for this. I don't like lying, Gaara. I don't like deceit and I don't like being played for a fool. There are things in those letters that were meant for you to read. That dumbass stole them and read them. I was weak in those letters, Gaara, a weakling! I've done everything you've asked of me, I won't stand for this bullshit!"
Gaara scoffed, hand reaching up behind her. His fingers curled around her neck, pulling her back to him. "You're going to use that against me, Xin?"
"I think you know me well enough that I'll use anything to my advantage."
"Some things never change."
"Don't you try to turn this around on me."
"I don't have to turn anything around. You attacked my assistant, a civilian. Are you out of your mind?"
"Is she? I've killed innocents for lesser offenses."
"Stop reverting back to that."
A retort was already forming but Xin paused, eyes flickering. She pursed her lips, huffing out a heavy breath. Her voice was low, barely above as whisper, as she counted back from ten. Her eyes closed and as she counted closer to one, she seemed to calm down. "You can't tell me that—" she paused again to take another deep breath. "—that you're not angry or upset or...something. Those letters were my only link to you, to Suna and she took them and hid them. I lost my mind, my soul, my life, my child and she hid that all."
Gaara was quiet, watching as she ran a hand through her hair. "My wants, my fears, my insecurities, my grief...all of that...I wrote all of them down to send to you, to show you that I was still here. Somewhat, kind of. That I..I still had some bit of humanity and that I was actively trying—because I wasn't. I wasn't trying at first, Gaara."
The office stilled once more, tense emotions twisting the atmosphere around them. "They're going to use this against me," she uttered slowly and in a soft tone, as if she was afraid that something would break. He was fully aware of what she meant. He knew that if it got out that there was a miscarriage, the council would pressure him into getting rid of Xin. He had yet to even inform Xin of the pressure he'd been put under while she'd been away. He wasn't getting any younger, they constantly said. He was only nineteen, he often had to remind them but they didn't care much for his reasoning.
They wanted that damn bloodline of hers. They wanted a child with both of their genes and he'd have to be a fool not to why. If it got out that Xin had been pregnant once upon a time, but suffered from a miscarriage, they'd insist that she truly had no use for them other than causing them headaches.
Gaara's hand rested on the back of her head, offering warmth and comfort. "They're not going to use it against you, Xin. I don't think Yoshiko has told anyone about your letters, she wouldn't have them in her possession otherwise."
Xin only looked half convinced but Gaara only pressed her face to his chest. "It's fine, it'll be taken care of but you have to trust me."
A sigh rattled her small body but she didn't fight him off. She wasn't all that pleased with his words but he knew she would agree. "Fine," she huffed against his chest. "I trust you, you know I do."
"Good. I trust you won't attack Yoshiko again."
"Annnnnd you lost me."
"You broke her ankle, her cheekbone, her nose, she dislocated her shoulder when she fell…" Hinata ticked off Yoshiko's injuries. "You cut her when you shoved a kunai in her face and she had terrible bruising around her throat."
Xin was sandwiched in between Sasuke and Naruto, not looking the least bit sorry. "I warned her."
Hinata sighed heavily, "she isn't a ninja for you to attack like that. I understand your anger but you can't allow your temper to cloud your judgement. Remember your therapy."
Her sister folded her arms across her chest. "My therapy was for my screwed up life, not for my temper."
"Your temper has everything to do with your screwed up life, genius," Sasuke chose that moment to comment, rolling his eyes as he did so. "If you weren't so screwed in the head, you'd have a normal temperament."
"Sasuke—"
"Oh, you're one to talk. You're so emotionally stunted, it's not even funny. When's the last time you've even genuinely smiled?"
The opposing clan members shared a vicious glare. Hinata sighed and shook her head. Xin and Sasuke's banter was always hot and cold. Sometimes she wished they would stop being so difficult and just admit that they cared about one another. "Children," Naruto grinned at the two, always highly amused with watching the Hyuga and Uchiha go back and forth. "I don't think who's more unstable is important right now—"
Hinata pinched the bridge of her nose, "Naruto."
"—What's important is that you should know better than to let your anger get the better of you. You're better than that. You had therapy for a reason," Naruto reminded her, arms folded over his broad chest. Xin and Sasuke both shared a quizzical look, glancing at one another as if having a silent conversation.
"Did you actually say something of substance?"
"The world may explode."
Naruto rolled his eyes as Hinata stifled a giggle. "Yeah, you two are definitely related," Naruto snorted while shaking his head. He glanced at the giggling Hinata, opting to throw a heavy arm around her shoulders to draw her into his chest. "All three of you."
The foursome was joined by Temari, who, unlike them, didn't look at all amused. Her fists were at her hips and there was a mean scowl at her mouth. Her eyes narrowed dangerously, foot tapping against the floor. "Xin, where do I even begin?" she asked in exasperation. Of course she knew Xin would eventually snap out on Yoshiko, but goddammit, she shouldn't have snapped so hard. The girl was in the hospital, for Kaguya's sake.
"Don't bother asking her if she's insane, Gaara already asked that," Kankuro looked quite amused despite the severity of the actual situation, striding up to stand next to Temari. "Besides, we all know the answer anyway. Jura's fine, by the way." He added it almost as an afterthought, shrugging almost casually. He warned him siblings and maybe he was feeling just a tad bit smug that he, for once, was right.
Xin actually looked sorry. "I didn't mean to hurt Jura."
"No worries," Jura popped up at that moment, grinning almost sheepishly. He rubbed at the back of his neck. "Don't worry, Xin, you were angry."
"No, I'm sorry, Jura. I shouldn't have lashed out at you. Everyone's right, I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me," she took a deep breath and shook her head. "But that doesn't mean I'm sorry for attacking Yoshiko."
Temari huffed and shook her head. "She's a civilian. You can't just go attacking civilians like that. You could have killed her. She's Mai's granddaughter, you know Mai is just waiting to axe you and you just gave her exactly what she needed."
"She planted her granddaughter in my path, hoping she'd piss me off."
"Then you've fallen right into her trap."
Xin's head twitched to the side, a savage grin playing at her lips. "Or," her lips puckered in savage amusement. "Maybe she's fallen into my trap? I do know one thing though," Xin leaned into her sister in-law. "I doubt she'll keep fucking with me when this is all over."
Temari's shoulders slumped. "I can't keep up with all of this scheming. Tell me, is this a 'you' thing or just a Konoha thing in general?"
"You call it scheming, we call it…" Sasuke paused with a thoughtful look. "Strategic."
She could only roll her eyes when Hinata and Naruto nodded in agreement. They were all bad influences at this point, she was convinced. Not even Hinata was fully innocent as they were originally led to believe. But then again, she remembered, they were Konoha Shinobi. And what did everyone like to say about Konoha Shinobi?
They were a bunch of sociopaths.
"What was in the box?" Kankuro prompted, looking around at the group. He could only assume that whatever was in the box meant a great deal to both Xin and Gaara and that Yoshiko stealing them was a great offense. Great enough to warrant not only Yoshi getting her ass kicked but Jura as well. He glanced at his friend, his dumb friend, and shook his head. He would never learn. It was safer to restrain Xin with Gaara's sand or even puppet strings. One should never try to physically restrain a pissed off Xin.
Xin's mouth twisted and she lost the fierce amusement in her eyes. She looked somber then, face turning a lovely shade of red. "Personal letters that were supposed to be for the two of us only. Delicate things were discussed that no one but the two of us had business reading. Yoshiko decided she was exempt from that and in retaliation, got her shit broken. Simple, yes?"
Kankuro eyed her. He knew Xin well enough at that point to know that 'delicate' meant 'damning'. Whatever was written in those letters were cause for concern. Regardless if the contents were damning or not, Yoshi had no right to hide them away.
"In any case," Temari rubbed at her forehead. "It may do us some good if you steer clear for the rest of the day. Let Gaara handle this, okay? I don't think we can take much more of your snarkiness today. Spend it with these three, they're leaving tomorrow." She waved the group away, done with them for the day. Temari watched as the group ambled away, only slightly wondering what sort of mischief they would get into without a sensible chaperone tracking their every move. She rolled her eyes, a bunch of nineteen years old needing a babysitter. Never mind they were a bunch of highly trained Shinobi capable of amazing feats.
"Just think," Kankuro mused from beside her. "In a short couple of years, there's going to be a miniature version of her running around, causing havoc."
"A miniature version of her with Gaara's genes as well."
Jura hummed, "That's just scary."
"You didn't have to stick a sword in his face."
Xin and Sasuke ambled side by side, Hinata and Naruto just a few short paces ahead of them. They had no real destination in mind for the day, seemingly satisfied with spending it with Xin before the trio would leave tomorrow. Sasuke glanced down at Xin, vaguely realizing just how small she was. Gaara was about Naruto's height and a hell of a lot heavier than Xin. She was gifted when it came to Taijutsu, she could really kick someone's ass, but Gaara had his sand. The Kazekage demonstrated how just easy it was to wrap her up in that goddamn sand of his and pin her down.
"He was hurting you."
Xin tutted, seemingly uncaring to the fact that her wrists were sporting purple spotting. "I've had worse done to me, Sasuke."
"Yeah, Xin, by enemies. Not by someone you're married to."
She didn't have an immediate comeback. She hummed in thought, her hands behind her and pressed to her back. "I know you two still don't like each other and that's okay," she spoke rather casually. "But we're not going to force some abusive narrative on him. Yes, he used his sand on me and it left bruises but I was acting purely based on anger. I probably would have lashed out at him like I did Jura. It was necessary." Xin explained in a factual tone. Sasuke continued to study her, taking note of the easy smile across her lips. "He's not a bad person, Sasuke. He's not perfect but he isn't a bad person, okay? I know the circumstances don't do us any favors but he loves me and I love him."
Gaara had been right about one thing. Xin was a great liar and had a phenomenal poker face. He wasn't sure if it was because she was a specially trained ANBU member or if it was just because of her, but there was no doubt that Xin made for a great liar. It was always hard to decipher Xin's lies because she weaved them in effortlessly with the truth. But right at that moment, Sasuke knew that his idotic childhood friend was telling nothing but the truth. There was a certain rawness in her eyes. He could tell because he'd seen the same look in Sakura's eyes many times before. Hell, he'd seen it in Hinata and Izumi's eyes as well. He could tell what a woman looked like when she was in love and right now, that woman looked exactly like Xin.
Besides, it wasn't just the look in her eyes. It was how she spoke of Gaara or even how she interacted with him. It was the small interactions shared between them. The secret smiles, Gaara's hand brushing against her waist or Xin insisting that they wait until he comes home to have dinner. The two were undeniably in love and it was almost sickening. Never in a million years did Sasuke think Gaara would end up with Xin.
"Tell him to keep his sand to himself."
Xin threw her head back and laughed. "Just admit that you care about me, Sasuke. We've been friends since we were kids, we basically grew up together. Admit that once upon a time, I was your best friend and you care about me."
Sasuke thought back to their childhood growing up. As much as he hated to admit to it, she was right. They'd been rather close growing up and he had very clear memories of Xin always being around. Spending time away from her own family because she felt like the black sheep often led to her hanging around the Uchiha house. His parents never seemed to mind her being around so often and Itachi never refused to look after her.
And yet, as much time as they spent together, she still easily fooled him.
"I already told you that I don't hate you."
"That's not the same as admitting that you care for someone," Xin shrugged a languid shoulder, smiling easily. "Sometimes I wish things were different. It's not that I regret marrying Gaara, because I don't. It's probably the best choice I've ever made and it even saved me from death but sometimes…
Sometimes I wish Konoha loved me the way I loved it. Sometimes I wish someone had seen through my facade. I wish it didn't take me having a breakdown, amnesia and a miscarriage all in one month for somone to care about me. I wish I didn't have to build myself up from the shards left behind from a breakdown. I wish for a lot of things." She admitted to all this while avoiding his stare. Sasuke watched quietly as Xin politely waved to a couple of villagers who strode past them, smiling at her. It was clear that Suna adored Xin and were glad to have her back. "Gaara met me when I was at my lowest, when I was unstable and still saw the good in me. He loved me when I didn't love myself and I needed that. That's all I needed."
"And you didn't have that in Konoha."
"No," she shook her head, looking forlorn. "No, I didn't have that in Konoha. I wanted to die in Konoha, Sasuke. I accepted that I would eventually die for Konoha. I thought it would be the same here, that Suna would use the type of skills I had for their own gain and I accepted it. I made it clear to Gaara that that's what I'd do, that's the type of Shinobi I was. We argued about it a lot, that I was more than that."
Her forlorn look was gone in the next second, replaced by one of her easy smiles. "Gaara is a lot of things. He pisses me off sometimes and he can be an absolute asshole but…" she paused, rocking her head to the side. "He's a good person. He's a lot of things but abusive isn't one of them. I'm not afraid of Gaara, I could never be afraid of him. So please, please believe me when I say he doesn't hurt me."
The opposing Uchiha continued to scowl. "Fine, Xin, if you insist that he can be trusted not to purposely hurt you, then fine. I trust your word, which is saying a lot since you're a professional liar."
Xin snorted, "that's fair."
"But I still don't like the asshole."
"Ah, I'm sure the feeling is mutual."
Yoshiko's green eyes filled with tears as she stared up at Gaara. He stood over her, expression made of complete stone. "Yoshiko," he spoke her name casually, almost thoughtfully. "I don't trust many people. My siblings, Baki and my wife are the only ones I trust completely. Based on my past, I have a hard time trusting people but I trusted you."
Yoshiko shrank into herself, feeling all of two feet tall at that moment. "Despite being fully aware of Mai planting you in my path for the sole purpose of betraying my wife, I believed that you truly had no real ill-intentions towards me. I believed that you were really working towards being on the council one day."
"But Kazekage-sama, I—"
"I'm not done talking," Gaara snapped. "I was aware that Mai was hoping I would be charmed by you and just completely forget about Xin but I kept you anyway because I thought it was just her scheming and not you. Did you like my wife? No, I was aware of that but I still wanted to give you a chance to achieve your goals.
But then you stole from me. For months. You've been stealing from me for months, been aware of what my wife was going through and took it upon yourself to not only keep my letters from her but keep them from me as well. I can't fathom why the fuck you would think that's a good idea."
Yoshiko flinched away from his harsh words, eyes slamming shut. She'd known that the Kazekage could be quite fearsome but never did she think he'd be like that towards her. Tears began a slow descent down the apples of her cheeks but he seemed like he couldn't be swayed from his anger. "I..Kazekage-sama, please, I didn't mean—"
"To steal from me? Yes you did. You wouldn't have done it otherwise," Gaara snapped again, steely gaze never faltering. "Didn't I just tell you that my wife isn't the person to be taken lightly? I know the woman barely reaches my shoulder but she's dangerous, Yoshiko, what the fuck were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that she didn't deserve you," Yoshiko wailed dramatically. Gaara was sure that if Xin was currently present, she'd either roll her eyes or threaten to pull Yoshiko's tongue from her head. "She doesn't deserve you," she repeated again, this time in a pitiful tone. Gaara actually did roll his eyes. Well, she certainly thought she knew what was best for him, just like the goddamn council.
"That was never for you to decide, Yoshiko. What happens in my personal life is none of your business. Your job pertains only to my duties as the Kazekage. My wife has nothing to do with being the Kazekage, you were completely out of line."
She looked away, the tears coming faster. Perhaps she was out of line but did that really mean she deserved to be attacked? That tiny terror broke her goddamn ankle. It seemed like she'd done it effortlessly too, like she barely even thought about it.
"What if she can't have children, Kazekage-sama?" she asked quietly, knowing she was really trying her luck. "I read about the miscarriage but I haven't told the council. What if she can't have children? The council has been pressing for children, for you to pass your genes on. What if she can't give you what you need?"
"—Yoshiko—"
"She has no real worth, Kazekage-sama, my grandmother told me—"
She was abruptly cut off, unaware of the trail of sand that escaped from Gaara's small gourd. It formed into a thin, whip-like appendance. It shot out, wrapping tightly around Yoshiko's neck. Gaara shook his head, effortlessly controlling the sand around her neck. He hated having to use his sand against a civilian but Yoshiko seemed like she just refused to see reason.
"I've told your grandmother to remember her place many times before when it's come to Xin," Gaara spoke casually as if he wasn't threatening to strangle her. "It would seem that you've inherited her stubbornness as well. How unfortunate."
Eyes wide, she desperately tried to plead with him with her eyes alone not to suffocate her. He was more merciful than his tiny terror of a wife, or at least, Yoshiko was hoping that was the case. The grip of his sand lessened but remained around her neck, a subtle threat. "You can keep her if it means that much to you but you need a child, Kazekage-sama. I—I can give you that. I can give you a child."
Gaara stared down at her, features twisting in confusion. "Are you out of your mind? Why would you even offer something like that?"
"Because I only want what's best for you and Suna! Even if she can have children, all those mental issues she wrote about, what if she passes it along? What if any child you have with her has the same issues as her? That's not...it's not safe for Suna."
The sand fell away from Yoshiko only to be replaced by Gaara's fingers wrapping around her neck. "You are treading on thin ice, Yoshiko. I've tried to be patient with you but you're pushing it. You're speaking of things you don't know and it's pissing me off. None of us are perfect and my wife has had her struggles. You don't get to judge her."
Yoshiko trembled under him, lips wobbling pathetically. "I would never betray my wife's trust just to have a child with you or anyone else besides her." Gaara leaned in close, eyes smoldering under his lids. "I don't take betrayal lightly, Yoshiko. Not when it comes to my family." His eyes flashed golden. Gaara let her go abruptly, backing away. "I'll decide what to do with you and Mai tomorrow. There will be a meeting where your actions will be discussed along with your consequences. Understand?"
She nodded, eyes wide with fear.
He left after that, a heavy storm cloud hanging over him as he made his way back to his office. Temari was probably off speaking with the council, which was good because he didn't have the patience to deal with them. Her temperament was far better than his and for that, he was grateful. He tried to reign in his temper but he could tell the villagers knew something was wrong with him. They mostly stayed out of his way.
The box was waiting for him.
Gaara stared at it from across the room, hand tight around the doorknob. Letters, for a half a year, Xin wrote letters and he'd written back. Not as much as her, her stack of opened letters stood taller than his. They weren't all opened, he realized, but that didn't matter much. The fact that even some were open was enough to irritate him. He couldn't believe Yoshiko's thought process. How could she even fix her mouth to try to defend her actions? And what's worse was that she thought that by offering her own solution would solve things.
"You can keep her if it means that much to you."
"Keep her, she says," Gaara grumbled angrily to himself, like she was some sort of wayward pet. Like she had no real worth if she couldn't pop out a child, like they were living in the Dark Ages. Xin was a strong kunoichi, a strong woman. She could do whatever the hell she wanted with her body. If she decided that she truly didn't want children, then that was that. He wasn't going to force her into having children. She'd already been forced into marrying him, he wasn't going to force her into having children. But he knew Xin. If she was led to believe that that's what he really wanted, she'd go through with it, regardless of how she felt on the matter.
His heart sank.
Gaara wondered if she'd ever be able to break that obsessive need to please others. Or maybe it was just the people around her who needed to stop depending so heavily on Xin to carry certain tasks out.
He felt himself take a deep breath, trying his very best to keep his temper in check. He couldn't just go on a rampage, it was bad enough that Xin lashed out against Yoshiko. He couldn't follow suit, he had to remain as calm as he possibly could until this situation was fixed. If it even could be fixed. Mai would no doubt be outraged that her granddaughter was attacked but Xin would also be outraged if they're weren't any consequences for Yoshiko's actions.
Though if he had to choose, he'd rather deal with Mai's outrage on any day. Mai could be argued down until she surrendered. Xin, on the other hand, would never let this shit go. She'd make it her life's mission to make everyone's lives miserable if she felt like she'd been slighted even more. Of course, he'd have to be careful about this. They could obviously flip it and claim that Gaara was showing favoritism to his wife and that she was out of control after having a breakdown.
Another deep breath.
This was not how he thought his day would go. Honestly, his life with Xin was a personal gamble on how their days were spent but this was the last thing he expected. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He knew good and well that Xin's temper would eventually wane with Yosiko and would result in Xin trying to strangle her but this was completely out of line.
Gaara glanced at the box again. He almost didn't want to even read any of her letters. He didn't want to relieve any of Xin's grief, he didn't want to reread her thoughts about the miscarriage, about her breakdown and her foggy wandering through muddled memories. He didn't want to read about that part of Xin because he couldn't do anything about it, there was nothing to be done. He reached into the box for the first letter, frowning quietly. It wouldn't be right to ignore the letters. They'd been wondering for days where the hell the letters were in the first place and now he finally had them.
—Gaara
When we married, I was barefoot. I think I mentioned that the day you left Konoha. It's not that I hate heels or anything but I think I just wanted to piss off that woman from the council. Mai? I think that's her name. She's always rubbed me the wrong way, I think. I thought that was funny and it actually made me laugh out loud. It surprised my family to hear me laugh out of nowhere, it seemed like everything stopped around us and they just stared at me. They expect me to be a mess, I think. You know, about the miscarriage? And I am, if I'm being honest. I am a mess. It's still kind of...hard to believe. I'm only nineteen and I was pregnant, that's pretty young. Have we ever talked about having children? I would make a terrible mother. I was out on a dangerous mission while pregnant, imagine if I was someone's mother.
Anyway, please write to me, yeah? Sakura and Hinata just say you're busy and you'll get around to it but...I just want to hear from you.
—Xin
Gaara reached for another.
—Gaara
Why did you even bother marrying me? I'm remembering bits and pieces of our relationship early on and we're pretty cruel to one another. Most of it was my fault but you weren't always innocent, you know? Funny thing, I always thought you were cute when you got angry. I think that's why I picked a fight sometimes. Sometimes I just wanted to see your face get all angry. Is that weird? These memories that I get, they aren't always good ones but I always feel better when I remember you. That's masochistic, I think. We've gone through a lot. I always feel better when I remember you and I hate myself for even forgetting you in the first place. Write back, yes?
—Xin
Gaara paused before placing the letter to the side. His mouth twitched but he reached again, grabbing at another letter.
—Gaara
I killed a child. One of the first memories I recalled, besides marrying you, was an assasination mission for an old Konoha family that were planning to betray the village. I don't know exactly what they were planning but Konoha wanted that family gone. It was one of my first solo missions and I was told that everyone had to die. No exceptions. They had a young son. A teenage daughter. The mother begged that I could at least spare the children, they were innocent. They shouldn't die for the adults' mistakes. But no exceptions could be made and I couldn't bear the thought of failing one of my first missions. I didn't want to disappoint my parents so I did it.
It was horrible. I cried. I couldn't even walk through my house after that. I climbed in through my window and cried. I cried for hours and then got up the next morning and got ready for the next mission.
I think this is karma for what I've done.
—Xin
Gaara's mouth tightened.
—Gaara
I've been having nightmares. Some of them are memories. Sometimes they mix together. I miscarry a lot in these nightmares. Sometimes there's a baby crying that I just can't find and sometimes I'm holding a baby with hands soaked in blood. I wake up crying a lot. Hanabi and Hinata are usually there to talk me down from it. Sometimes my mom is there and other times my dad is even standing in the doorway. I don't think anyone knows what to really do with me. I don't know what to do with me, honestly.
But I think I really deserve this.
—Xin
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to read her letters all at once.
—Gaara
Are you going to ignore my letters? I'm remembering more and more each day, I just thought you should know that. It wasn't all bad between us, it got better the more time we spent together. I wasn't the best wife and you deserved better but I'll do better. I'll be better so please don't just give up. And that's not like you to give up anyway. Everything can still work out if I just try harder. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I just can't. I just can't.
Please write back?
—Gaara
I know you're blaming me for the miscarriage and you should, it was my fault. I know you're upset but please write back. I know I did...I know I do a lot of things wrong in life but loving you was never wrong. And you love me. You said so in the hospital that you love your wife a little too much. Can you just remember that? I know that's pretty ironic of me to ask that since I'm the one with amnesia but please just remember. I'm sorry for the miscarriage. I think you want children and I can't really remember if I do too but I'll get better. I'll make my body stronger. Whatever it takes but please don't ignore me or divorce me or something like that.
I'm not sure what I'll do if you decide to divorce me. Obviously if your mind's made up then that's that but I can't see myself living in Konoha. I feel like an outsider here. I just want to come home.
—Xin
Well, Gaara paused again, letter crinkling in his grip. He could certainly see why Xin had been so angry that someone else read her letters. She was a strong individual but these letters revealed a vulnerable side to Xin. And honestly, there was nothing wrong with vulnerability but to Xin, it just meant weakness. He ran an impatient hand through unruly red locks. Yoshiko had no right to see that side of Xin but had done it anyway. No wonder Xin reacted the way she did.
She kept blaming herself and thought he would retaliate by abandoning her. If she had no use, what was the point in keeping her?
"She has no real worth."
His blood began boiling and Gaara tried to take a deep breath, to calm down. Xin wanted to be needed, to be wanted. She'd cut herself open and bleed under the hot sun if it was asked of her. And because of Yoshiko's interference, she'd been under the impression that because she miscarried, she had no real worth to him. Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose, fingers reaching for another letter.
—Gaara.
I'm sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry—
He slammed the letter facedown.
One thing was for sure, he didn't feel all that bad about Xin knocking the shit out of Yoshiko.
Gaara returned home earlier than usual. He'd spent the entire afternoon reading Xin's letters and he felt a little burnt out. Even her more optimistic letters had a somber air about them. They left him in a dark mood and he realized that if he didn't see Xin soon, he'd see Yoshiko and that wouldn't bode too well for her. The young Kazekage tracked the woman in question up in their bedroom. It was still too early to start dinner but she was armed with a basket of laundry at her hip, having just cleaned up and was readying to do the laundry.
Xin turned to him, eyes blinking at the sight of him. "Gaara? What are you doing home so early?" she questioned, genuinely surprised to see him. Hell, the sun was still up. He was rarely ever home this early. He didn't answer, stalking towards her with a dark cloud over his head and a storm brewing in his eyes. She blanched and took a careful step back. "What? Are you still mad?" she asked amidst backing up.
Gaara smacked the basket from her hand, causing her to let out an indignant huff as it hit the floor. "Okay, I know you're upset but knocking things out of my hand is just childish." Xin frowned up at him. "Honestly…" she muttered to herself, bending for her basket. Gaara seized her by the arms, ignoring her yelp of surprise as he dragged her towards him. Her head fell back on her shoulders, eyes wide while staring up at him. "Gaara?" she prompted when he didn't say anything. She wriggled out of his hold, hands reaching up to cup his face. "Is something wrong? Well, besides the obvious. Did something happen? You can tell me."
Gaara stared down at her, stormy eyes brewing. A sense of comfort washed over him as her thumb stroked his cheekbone. Her head tilted to the side as she continued to stare up at him, her brows crinkling in concern. His hands grabbed at her hips, squeezing her just to reassure himself that she was actually there with him. That she was fine and no longer spiraling out of control once more.
He reached up and wrapped his arms around her, one hand braced at the back of her head to press her face into his chest. Xin dropped her hands from his face to hug him back, arms weaving around his wider torso and hands clutching at his back. He could practically feel her smile against his chest, still confused by his behavior but unwilling to ignore his affections.
Gaara leaned over, resting his cheek against the crown of her head. He inhaled deeply, noting that the smell of stale blood that usually clung to her skin practically vanished. "I'm sorry," he finally said after a long pause. Xin didn't budge. "I'm sorry and I love you. Nothing can change that," Gaara confessed quietly. She still didn't understand his somber mood but said nothing, having a feeling that now wasn't the time to fill the air with her babbling. Gaara was wrestling with something and if hugging her tight and reassuring her that he loved her made him feel better then she was just fine with that.
Xin slowly pulled back, tilting her head up to smile at him. "I love you too, you know that," she said in a pleasant tone. "Now, what's this about? Did Yoshiko tell you something about me? Something she read in those damn letters?"
"I read the letters myself."
Her smile waned, "oh?"
He could see the resignation in her face. Her muscles tensed under his hands, like she was readying herself for an ensuing argument. He could see it in her eyes. She was nervous. She was always going to be prepared for her usefulness to run out. She'd done her part by marrying him and proving to Suna that he was a better person now, that they could trust him. All she had to do was provide a child for him and she couldn't even do that. Now she was waiting. Waiting for Suna to treat her like Konoha treated her, to toss her aside like some broken toy.
Gaara wasn't even sure what life could be like without Xin. It was like trying to get rid of Temari or Kankuro, or hell, even Baki. She was more than just a wife, she was easily his best friend and her stay in Konoha showed them that she mattered just as much as any of them.
"I don't blame you. For anything that happened."
Xin laughed, bitter and tired. "Well, that would have been nice to know a little while ago," she paused, looking thoughtful. "Wait, that's not funny, right? Sakura says I can't keep using jokes to mask my deeper feelings."
"I'm almost certain that I've told you that before."
"Yeah but are you a medical-nin?"
"No, but I am a Kage."
"Which, in this case, means nothing."
He glared down at her, "wow."
Xin tilted her head back, a laugh so bubbly and genuine escaping her that he had no choice but to smile down at her. There was a warm feeling in his chest, a feeling that had been missing for months. Everything clicked into place, like suddenly he was complete again. It was corny, he realized, cliche even but that's how he felt. Hell if he'd ever admit it out loud. Even to her, she'd no doubt tease him relentlessly for it. For now, his warm feeling to himself.
"I'm still upset with you," Gaara declared.
Xin's laughter died down into stray giggles. "Yes, well, that's usually how our fights go, right? I do something out of line but necessary, you flip shit and yell at me. Then it gets all quiet and one of us, usually me, backs down and then we make up later."
"We should probably work on that. It's not healthy the way we fight."
"No one's perfect."
"That doesn't make it right and you know it. We have to do better as a couple, not just as individuals. We're a team, Xin and we should be more in sync with one another."
"Well, agree with me more and we will."
Gaara pinched at her back, eliciting a sharp yelp from her. "Listening to you will only get people punched in the throat."
"I don't see how that's necessarily a bad thing."
"Because that's called assault."
"I call it a lesson learned."
Gaara snorted, trying hard not to laugh. Xin rested her forehead against his chest once more, shoulders expanding with a deep sigh. "I'm sorry if the letters upset you. They weren't meant to upset you but I just wanted you to be updated. Some of them weren't so bleak."
"No, I suppose not."
"...Can I read your letters?"
"If you want."
She nodded against his chest. "I'm better now, you know. Maybe not great but I'm better. I promise, Yoshiko made me mad but I promise that I'm better. I'm not...I'm not bad."
Gaara took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. He rubbed soothingly at her back, hands dipping under her shirt to press against her skin. "I don't need a promise, Xin, I just need you."
"Wow, that was the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."
"I just told you that I love you."
"Well, yeah...but who doesn't?"
Gaara only laughed.
Naruto watched out of the corner of his eye as Gaara followed Xin out back. Everything seemed to be okay between them, he'd been pretty shocked when Gaara came storming in thirty minutes ago looking for Xin. Sasuke hadn't said much but he could tell by his posture that the Uchiha was just waiting for something to happen. Hinata didn't seem at all disturbed by Gaara's behavior, offering just a fleeting glance as the Kazekage stormed upstairs. She went back to her pouch after the sound of a bedroom slammed shut, seemingly relaxed.
He wasn't sure when Hinata and Gaara developed such a friendship but she seemed to trust the Kazekage with her sister. It was surprising because sometimes all he could see was that little psycho who tried to kill him and helped destroy Konoha when they were kids. And sure, he was aware that Gaara had redeemed himself but he still had a temper and Xin had a special knack for pushing people's buttons. She'd probably piss off Buddha if given the chance.
But there was no shouting that followed after Gaara's odd entrance and while he seemed upset, he didn't seem angry. So maybe it was one of those situations where Gaara just needed Xin's presence to calm him. And honestly, that was a funny thought because Xin was the type of friend to usually stir the pot and get someone riled up for shits and giggles.
But things were different now. Those two were actually married and it was obvious they enjoyed their marriage despite getting off to a shaky start. And sometimes Naruto wanted to believe that it was still hostile between them. Sometimes he wanted to believe that Xin really wanted out of her marriage and that she wanted to return to Konoha. Because Naruto would've taken her back. He wouldn't have cared about the strain it would've put on Konoha's alliance with Suna. He'd snatch Xin back so fast and return her to where she belonged if she really wanted it, no hesitation.
But that was the thing, Naruto slumped despondently into his seat, she didn't want to go back to Konoha. That much had been made clear while she was in Konoha. There was an obvious disconnect between her and Konoha, even with her amnesia. Xin just didn't belong to Konoha anymore and she wasn't bent out of shape about it. Probably because Konoha always treated her like an outsider.
Xin was happy in Suna. She was happy with Gaara, Kankuro and Temari. She was happy with the friends she made in Suna. While that made him a bit bitter, he realized that he wanted Xin to be happy. Still, he wished she could've been happy in Konoha. That would just be selfish, he quickly amended. He couldn't expect the people around him to stay the same just to make him comfortable in life. Especially if they had to make themselves uncomfortable just for his sake. He couldn't expect that from any of his friends, least of all, Xin. She had no real obligations to him anyway. It wasn't like she was his romantic partner.
And yet….Naruto glanced out of the window facing the backyard. Xin was busily hanging clothes while directing Gaara in taking down the linen. His face remained indifferent but he was speaking to Xin, resulting in a genuine smile to overtake her face before breaking out into laughter that Naruto swore he could hear even though she was outside.
That was strange to see, to see the two behaving domestically. It was almost unnatural to even witness but it did feel right. It was almost like a missing puzzle piece had been finally found and placed where it belonged. They weren't the ideal couple by any means but they made sense, he guessed. They were perfect for one another, both tormented by past discretions and working hard to make up for it. No one would ever understand them the way they understood each other.
Naruto snorted, watching as 'The Demon of the Sand' assisted his tiny wife with the laundry. What was even more funny was that Xin's reputation was just as bad, maybe even worse but that changed nothing between the two.
Sasuke was also watching the two, arms folded across his chest. His expression was mostly blank but Naruto could feel his irritation. He nearly smiled. Sasuke would never get along with Gaara and the marriage to Xin seemed to just worsen the Uchiha's feelings. He'd never admit that outloud and Naruto found that funny. It was as Xin said, he was emotionally stunted.
"I don't think you two have to worry so much," Hinata spoke up. She wasn't looking at them but she was sporting a secretive smile. "She's fine."
Naruto glanced at Sasuke, watching as he frowned almost violently. "I'm not worried about her," Sasuke insisted almost immediately. His tone was harsh, scathing even but Hinata continued to smile. He couldn't fool her one bit. He often forgot that Hinata was just as observant and knew him just as well.
"I'm so sure," Hinata mused, not at all convinced. "You know…" she pushed away from her pouch and sat down next to Naruto, smiling all the while. She was sure that Gaara wouldn't appreciate her sharing his business but it was necessary to get Sasuke and Naruto to somewhat trust him around Xin. "You're not the only ones who may think Gaara takes his anger out on Xin. She told me about a fight they once had, in Konoha, actually. The Shukaku began to resurface during their fight and Xin panicked, understandably so. She punched him in the face. He was pretty upset about it, there was a bruise. Our father caught them bickering about it and Xin told him that Gaara fell."
Sasuke listened to the story, dark eyebrows sliding up his forehead. "So you're saying we should worry for Gaara's safety instead."
Hinata laid her head back and let out a laugh. "You and Xin are far more alike than you think."
"How dare you."
Hinata continued to smile despite Sasuke's dark look. "They bicker a lot but there's no reason to think Gaara is a danger to Xin. To be fair, they both have short tempers but their fighting has never gotten to the point of physical violence. Perhaps Gaara has used sand to restrain Xin but I'm sure it's not without reason."
"Her temper is vicious.." Naruto trailed off.
"Gaara must be a masochist," Sasuke snorted.
Hinata shook her head. "Not the point. We can't keep pinning past reputations on either of them. Every couple fights, no ones perfect but they're happy together. I think Xin would tell us otherwise, after everything she's been through."
"You trust her that much?"
"Don't you?" Hinata asked pointedly. "I know she's lied before but the circumstances were different. We have to trust Xin on this."
Naruto sighed deeply, arm stretching across the back of the couch. "I trust her...this is just weird. It's weird to see either of them like this, knowing what they're capable of."
"I'm sure the same could be said about you or Sasuke or Itachi."
"Hinata, Gaara has literally tried to kill us all and I've watched Xin snap someone's neck casually. Out of everyone, I never thought the two would end up together but it seems so...right. It's weird," Naruto tried his best to explain. He wasn't all that concerned for Xin's safety, to be honest. While it was obvious that Gaara would probably win against Xin, she'd do some lasting damage and Hell, maybe even take him down with her.
"I think they understand each other in ways we can't and that's why it's right. Different situations but still traumatized all the same, they can relate on an entirely different level. Everyone's made mistakes. If they're happy together, who are we to stand in the way of that?"
Naruto glanced out the window again. Laundry forgotten, Xin was moving closer towards Gaara. Her back was facing the window but Naruto had seen Xin flirt before and could tell just by her gait that she was flirting with Gaara. She shimmied up to him, hands innocently behind her back. She rocked forward on the tips of her toes, head tilted to the side. Gaara reached forward, snagging her around the waist. His hand brushed against her hip before settling firmly on her ass, squeezing teasingly.
Huh. The last man who attempted to touch her nearly got his shit broken. This was just...strange to witness. But she wasn't trying to break Gaara's hand so this level of affection was normal for them. Disturbing, he thought, but normal.
That was good enough for him.
Xin patted distractedly at her hair with a towel, lost in thought. Dinner was a loud but bittersweet affair, knowing that the Konoha Shinobi would be leaving first thing in the morning. Kankuro broke out the sake once more but Xin was adamant that the Konoha team shouldn't drink as much. She noticed that Kankuro knocked back more sake than even her and that worried her. Finding him slumped against her bedroom door that morning still weighed heavy on her brain. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to drink himself to that point again. Gaara kept a discreet eye on him at dinner, intercepting when he believed Kankuro was going overboard.
Xin sighed, thinking of the conversation with Gaara about Kankuro that morning. She rolled the words over in her head. She couldn't understand why Kankuro would feel guilty while she was away. She was the one who couldn't get her shit together, her undoing was her own fault. It was wrong to force her last line of sanity on Gaara. It wasn't love, it was desperation. She had to learn that she couldn't bundle up her happiness, health and sanity and place it into someone's hands. Her happiness was her own responsibility and she couldn't blame anyone else.
Something told her that Kankuro's behavior had something to do with her. She'd been taken aback when Kankuro confessed that he missed and loved her. That was just unexpected. They didn't...they didn't make it a habit to express raw feelings like that. Maybe that was the problem, Xin thought, coming to a stop in the middle of the hallway. None of them really knew how to express emotions in a healthy way. Emotions besides anger or annoyance, that is.
She glanced at Kankuro's door.
Xin slipped her towel around her neck, knuckles lightly rapping against the door. She heard a muffled grunt and stepped into the room. Kankuro was obviously confused by her presence, rubbing at his semi-wet hair with his own towel. He looked more alert, seemingly waking up after a shower. "Everything all good, Xin?" He glanced at her. She leaned against the door, quietly accessing him. Her expression remained blank, eyes barely blinking. It was enough to unnerve him but he wasn't all that surprised. She was trained for things like that.
"No, I don't think it's good," she finally said with a soft frown. Her eyebrows pulled, blank expression contorting into worry. "Kankuro, are you okay?"
Kankuro paused and stared at her, dark eyes almost blank. "Am I okay?" he repeated with a snort. He turned from her and rubbed even harder at his hair. "Of course I'm okay. Are you okay? Your friends are leaving tomorrow."
Xin raised an eyebrow, not the least bit deterred. "You drank yourself into a stupor last night and passed out against my door. You tried to drink again tonight. No, I'm not okay. I'm worried. Is there something you want to tell me?"
"A stupor? C'mon, you're exaggerating. I was just trying to celebrate."
"Kankuro, enough with the bullshit. What's going on with you?"
He scowled, "why do you think there's something going on? You're the one with all the issues."
He wanted to take his words back as soon as he said them. To her credit, Xin didn't react to it. She wasn't offended, having been in his shoes at some point. It was hard receiving therapy and having to admit that there was an issue with her. She reacted much of the same way, defensive and snappy.
"You know you apologized for what happened at Seijun's. You told me you missed me and you loved me. You told me not to leave." She watched, somewhat satisfied as a blush crept up the back of his neck. "You made me promise not to leave," she continued. "And I won't. I won't leave." Xin approached him, sitting down at his messy desk. She turned her body towards him completely, eyes open and trusting. "Talk to me, please?"
She could see his inner struggle clear on his face and waited patiently. She could understand why he would be so unwilling to share his more vulnerable feelings. Kankuro was the forgotten child, he wasn't used to sharing these feelings with anyone, least of all her. Both of his siblings could be considered 'stoic' and it probably wasn't an easy feat opening up to either of them.
"Why do you feel guilty?" Xin pressed in a soft voice.
Kankuro's jaw tightened but he collapsed on the bed, shoulders slumping despondently. "I knew something wasn't right. You were really losing it on that mission. I could tell before we even left Suna that something wasn't right. I thought you were just agitated and I made jokes about it. I made jokes about you losing your shit. I should have made you stay in Tanzaku-gai or sent you to Konoha. I shouldn't have let you in there." Kankuro steadily avoided having to look at Xin, eyes downcast. "You were mentally exhausted after everything went down and I made you heal him, you used the last of your Chakra to hold the Shukaku off. I didn't ask if you were okay, I just grabbed Gaara and left."
"Kankuro, he was dying—"
"And you weren't?"
Xin pressed her lips together, wisely staying silent. "You could've bled out for all I knew. Your mind could've broken so hard that you'd never recover from it again. I didn't care enough to think about that."
Xin watched him, raising her eyebrows when he didn't say anything else. She didn't want to speak if he wasn't done. But Kankuro didn't say anything else, eyes still trained to his lap. Xin leaned forward, reaching out to grab one of his hands. She wanted to offer comfort, knowing the physical signs of affection were rare in the Sand Siblings' household. That would change soon enough. "Kankuro...my breakdown was my fault. It was never Gaara's responsibility, or yours or Temari's to keep me sne. It was mine. I wouldn't have stayed in Tanzaku or Konoha. I knew something was going wrong with me but I stubbornly ignored it. You shouldn't blame yourself for something I did."
She rubbed soothingly along his hands, thumb brushing against his knuckles. "You have to realize that I don't blame you for anything that happened that day or even leading up to that day. I made my choices and I suffered for it. I had to learn that putting so much stock into those around me, depending on them to make me feel worthy, was a glaring mistake. It's not up to Gaara or my friends or family to make me feel like I mean something. I had to relearn that in Konoha and I'm glad I did. And you need to realize that too. None of it was your fault, your responsibility. Don't feel guilty about what happened in that base or the following results or even making the decision to leave me in Konoha. I know it doesn't seem that way but it was all for the best, I promise."
Kankuro didn't seem all that convinced, his face dark when he finally looked up at her. Xin smiled despite his dark look, squeezing his hand in reassurance. "You're not….bitter at all?" he finally asked.
Xin continued to smile and shook her head. "Nope. I was at first, I guess. I was scared and Gaara was the most familiar person to me. I felt a warm bond with you and Temari but I couldn't understand why. When you guys left, I felt empty. I thought the empty feeling was because I was subconsciously realizing that I didn't belong in Konoha. I guess that was partially true but I felt empty because I missed you three. I missed the Mikawa family. I missed Baki and Sasori."
Kankuro twisted his hand around, holding her hand much like she held his. He was silent, staring down at her much smaller hand before glancing up to look at her. Sometimes he still saw the blank expression on her face. Big blank eyes just looking at him and seeing nothing. Unsure hands held close to her body, as if to protect herself from an unknown threat in a room full of people who loved and cared about her.
Sometimes it was too much to remember that Xin, that Xin who stumbled into Gaara's hospital room with Hinata. The one who looked around the room with cloudy eyes. The one who couldn't acknowledge any of them. The one with muddled memories. Sometimes all he could remember was the crazed look in her eyes on that mission. All he could remember was watching her hack Kojika's arm off. The one who powered through those ninja to get to Seijun. The one who stabbed Kojika through the eye and followed that brutal act by decapitating Seijun.
He could still see the panicked Xin as she curved over Gaara and fed her Chakra into him, pushing the Shukaku back. Her determination and panic spurring her on to hold off a goddamn tailed beast, keeping him trapped long enough for Kankuro to get him to Konoha. He didn't, not for one second, stop to ask her if she was okay. He should've done more, even if she didn't blame him for anything. He blamed himself. There could have been a better way for her to build herself back up. It shouldn't have taken a breakdown.
"It'll get easier. You don't need my forgiveness, Kankuro. There's no need for it because I don't hold you accountable for anything. You need to forgive yourself and that's not going to happen if you drink yourself into a stupor every time your feelings get to be too much for you. It won't solve anything if you drown your feelings. It's okay for us to have these feelings. We're Shinobi but we're also human and human emotion is not a weakness. Vulnerability is not a curse."
She stopped there, knowing she'd have to give him time to himself to really reflect on her words. It wouldn't be an overnight thing, her redemption certainly hadn't been and it wasn't fair to assume his would be as well. These things would take time and that's all she had in the world right now.
Xin and Kankuro hung out in his room for a bit, stretching out across his bed and talking about lighter things. They shared old jokes and made up new ones, faces breaking into mischievous grins and joking eyes. She left after a while, making it clear that he could come talk to her about anything. They were family, she reminded him, they had to have each other's backs, no matter what.
Despite that, Xin felt uneasy after leaving Kankuro's room for the night. A frown played at her mouth as she wandered distractedly to her bedroom. Gaara was up, seemingly waiting for her while reading over something. He glanced up at her from his spot on the couch, noticing her distracted expression almost immediately. "I talked to Kankuro," Xin said first. He expected her to look relieved but if anything, she looked more troubled. She approached him, sitting down next to him. He glanced at her, waiting for her to continue. "Did you know he blamed himself for what happened at that base?"
"I had a feeling but he never talked about it and Temari and I never pressed him for it."
"Why?" she pressed. Gaara blinked, for some reason not expecting her to really question it. He shrugged truthfully. Xin didn't seem all the surprised, looking quite thoughtful. "Shinobi are raised to believe our emotions are a weakness so we try to lock them away. When people ask us to be upfront about our emotions, we avoid telling them because we're taught not to discuss them."
He blinked for the second time, turning to look down at her. "You're quite philosophical tonight."
Xin huffed and rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious here. Instead of talking to my parents and sharing how they made me feel, I shut those feelings away and lost my shit. Kankuro, instead of sharing his feelings, he tried to drown them in sake. That's not healthy. We deserve better, don't you think? We're Shinobi, we fight to protect those who can't do it themselves and we're not even allowed to feel like human beings."
Gaara nodded to her words, silently agreeing. "Sounds like you've been thinking hard about this."
"Well…" Xin trailed off, tapping her fingers nervously against her thigh. "While I was in Konoha, Sakura spoke of a children's clinic she wanted to headline in the future. Kids who suffer from losing their parents or anything else that could traumatize a kid. I thought it was a good idea."
"You want to do the same?"
Xin's lips twisted in thought. "I just...what about the kids who go unchecked? The ones who look normal but aren't? The ones who grow up into Shinobi like me?" she continued. "Maybe not a childrens' clinic but a mental health clinic in general. A ward could be made for children as well. I just think more needs to be done for our Shinobi…"
Gaara sighed heavily, eyes closed. "Xin, the cost to fund such a project—"
Xin's eyes narrowed, "we have the funds for weaponry, for uniforms, for everything else but not for something that we desperately need?"
"I'm not saying it's a bad idea."
"We just can't afford it," Xin made a sour face and sighed heavily. "Listen, maybe we can't afford it right at this moment but it could happen in the future. You said the Villages are trying for an Era of Peace, right? If that's achieved and we're not trying to outdo each other and spend all this money on warfare, then maybe the money could be used for mental health rehabilitation. For medicinal supplies, for research for future advancement."
Gaara was somewhat impressed but he wasn't all that surprised. Xin was impulsive and thick headed but she was smart. It surprised those around her sometimes but Gaara had to remember that the woman was a top-class Shinobi and there was no such thing as an idiotic top-class Shinobi.
"It's..a good idea," he said after a moment. "But you're banking on something that's not set in stone yet. If the Nations decide not to agree on this peace treaty, your clinic will be put on the back burner indefinitely."
But Xin only hummed and smiled. "Maybe but I have faith."
TeeBeMe: We stan character development. If I'm not mistaken, Sakura is the head of a children's' clinic in Boruto. If that isn't the case, well, oh well. Anyway, I think Xin would end up doing something similar for Suna, only I feel she'd be more focused on people like her. The kids who fell through the cracks and could fake normality enough but would really be losing their shit underneath it all.
I think I definitely want to continue this after the story ends. I just like Xin in this AU because she's not really a normal character. She's fun to write and I love her and you guys love her. Yall are down for a sequel so I'm definitely going to develop something when I finish SOC. I doubt it'll be as long as this story. Or maybe it will, I wasn't planning on SOC to be as long but here we are. Still not sure how to incorporate Shinki but I'll figure it out. Not much of a fan of Boruto but I think Shinki is cute. This is an AU so I'm sure I can come up with something.