This ficlet was written after a request from an AS reader asking for another Laura and Ellen focused addition. It was a concept I scrapped more than a few times but decided to finish and post recently since I had the time and I know many are searching for new content within the fandom. It has a companion piece entitled "Promise to Promise". They may each be read on their own or in either order.

To anyone who remembers Alpha Station from years ago and decided to read this follow up, thank you so much for returning. To any new readers, thank you for helping to keep this story alive for me.

Feedback and/or reviews are encouraged and welcome!

Best wishes,
LLA

Ellen stood in the hall listening to the sounds of the running kitchen faucet and plates clinking along as Laura set them on the rack to dry.

She counted them as they clattered together. She'd cleared exactly twenty-two after the party was over and she knew that Laura had to be nearly done.

Ellen wavered between wishing that Laura would hurry up and finish and wishing that she'd keep washing until the little cherry blossom patterns wore off all of the dishes.

Much like the dishwashing, the three hour celebration they'd held had seemed to somehow simultaneously drag through the afternoon and zoom by far too fast.

With one goal on her mind Ellen was bouncing back and forth between excitement and dread.

Peering out of the hallway she glanced over toward the living room, searching for any cups or champagne glasses that she might have missed while picking up. She didn't want a single distraction left. Not a forgotten cake fork nor a scrap of ribbon from a gift fallen to the floor.

While Laura put the food away, cleaned the kitchen and washed the plates and cutlery Ellen had set the cabin vacuum to run twice over, wiped down every surface and fixed every cushion on every chair. It all needed to be finished so that no means of avoidance were left to be found. Laura's tendency to evade highly emotional discussion had improved over the years, but Ellen didn't want to take any chances.

As the water turned off the sudden quiet made Ellen's skin flush. For a moment she mused that she might have feared losing her nerve had she not possessed so damn much of it. To be considering the conversation she had in mind took a certain level of audacity that she thankfully had always possessed. There was no doubt that she was anxious, that she could admit. She'd never asked so much of someone in all of her lives. Certainly not from someone who had already given her the world. To be asking for more? Her gall knew no bounds. She'd always thought of her tenacity as brave and bold while others called her pushy and forward, but she didn't exactly feel very brave at the moment. She was counting on the champagne buzz she still had from the party to make up for it.

Ellen knew that she needed to hurry. Saul and Bill would be back down from Delta Station with the kids before dinnertime. Whatever the outcome, she wanted it to be done before they arrived. No matter what happened she knew that she was about to change the household dynamic for good. Better the others walk into it once it was already through.

"Elle?" Laura called as she put a final container into the cooler.

Ellen jumped at the sound of her name, cursing herself for being so on edge when she needed to be as stolid and convincing as she could.

"Yes?" she replied, finally forcing herself to step into view.

"Did you check outside on the deck and picnic table for any more dishes?"

"Yup. It's all clear. All the decorations are down, the liquor cabinet is locked and the floors are clean. I moved the bigger gifts that Tawny couldn't fit in her shuttle into the mudroom. Sam is going to come by one day next week and load them up to take home."

"Great. Well, everything is done in here," Laura announced, with her hands on her hips. "Oh, I saved some cake for the kids."

Ellen smirked.

"I don't think that's going to be enough to convince Sasha to forgive us," she said with a knowing roll of her eyes as she moved into the kitchen.

"You're right," Laura sighed, tossing a dish rag to the counter. "She only begged us to come to the party for about a week straight. Honestly, I do feel bad about it, but she would have been the only kid here all day long and Liam wouldn't have understood why he wasn't allowed too. I'm sure they had a far better time at the children's museum."

Ellen nodded as she leaned against the back of a kitchen chair.

"They made Tawny and the baby a few little cards and pictures this morning. They asked me to give them to her during the party but I kept them. I figure sometime over the next few weeks we'll have Tawny and Sam over for dinner. We'll have a little celebration, just family. The kids can give her what they made in person then."

As Ellen spoke it was as if she were listening to someone else droning on. She could hear the words coming out of her own mouth, but they were so far from what her mind was actually focused on. It was as if she were on autopilot.

"That's a good idea," Laura agreed, "but until then, all I have are two big pieces of cake with half smudged frosting pacifiers on top."

"It's a start," Ellen shrugged with a smile that felt as forced as she knew it probably appeared.

"Are you alright?" Laura asked with a tilt of her head.

Despite Laura's weak ability to read her Ellen was actively blocking her out. They knew each other well enough that they no longer needed the cylon attribute to sense what the other was feeling. Even so, Ellen didn't want anything to give Laura a reason to run.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just tired," she lied, pulling the chair out from the table and taking a seat. "The party was a lot of work. I think it made Tawny really happy though."

"I think so too," Laura concurred with a sort of wistful smile. "I'm so glad that we could do this for her."

"Are you alright?" Ellen posed, suddenly feeling rather guilty that she hadn't asked as soon as the last of their guests departed.

She'd known all along that the celebration would be difficult for Laura for more than a few reasons and yet she'd been so preoccupied.

"I'm...fine," Laura answered decidedly as she folded her arms in front of herself. "I'm a lot better than I thought I would be. When Tawny was leaving...that was hard. I'll be honest, when I hugged her goodbye I didn't want to let her go. She was in such a good mood and laughing and...I just kept thinking of...well, you know," Laura paused and bit at her lower lip staving off the welling of her eyes. "But thankfully she sent me a message as soon as she got home. She's safe at the apartment, already resting with her feet up. In spite of all of the memories that today triggered, hearing that she was okay made me feel a lot better."

Ellen nodded, relieved that Laura's answer seemed honest.

"She was missing Kat and Margot so much today," she thought aloud with a sigh, dolefully leaning her elbows onto the kitchen table.

Her words quickly cause Laura's expression to darken, her lily pond eyes quickly turning into two swelling somber seas.

"I know," she softly added.

"So was I," Ellen followed, fighting off the prickling threat of tears.

She couldn't cry. At least not yet.

"Me too," Laura followed, crestfallen from the initial cheer of the celebration.

They'd done what they could to keep Tawny's baby shower fun and lighthearted, but as was the case with all milestones and celebrations, an emptiness existed that couldn't help but be felt on one level or another.

"It was good though," Ellen added, attempting to brighten the mood. "I've thrown a lot of parties in my time but never a baby shower. It was fun. I think it was a success."

"It was," Laura was glad to agree.

Ellen was struggling for a transition.

"I just wish that...that we could do more for her," she attempted, without a full plan in place.

Laura shrugged and pulled a chair out from the table.

"Tawny knows that we're here if she needs us," she reasoned as she took a seat, relieved to finally be off of her feet after a long day of entertaining.

"I know. I know that," Ellen pandered. "It's just that she probably has so many questions and concerns these days that even being a doctor can't answer. The poor girl hasn't ever really had a mother she could talk to, and with this...I can give her all the support in the world, but I can't relate to what she's going through. I'm sure she wishes that she had someone close to her who knew what it was like to be in her shoes. I'm sure it makes her miss her mom and Kat all the more."

Ellen could feel her knees beginning to tremble under the table as she forced the conversation along.

"I'm sure you're right," Laura agreed. "But I also know that she appreciates having us to come to for what she can. Sometimes all she wants is a hand to hold. And once the baby comes we'll be able to offer her all of the help and advice that she's willing to take"

Tawny had grown quite close to both women over the years following their shared loss. She adored the twins and though she felt a responsibility to watch over them as she'd promised Katya, she'd also found a sense of belonging within the joined family unit. With Sam already close to the Tighs it became a natural fit, especially once the couple moved to the surface permanently. They often spent time at the cabin helping with the children and enjoying family picnics by the lake. All together they helped one another to keep Katya's memory close.

"Sure," Ellen conceded, unsure of how to go on.

"Ellen, are you positive that you're okay?" Laura asked, giving her a quizzical glance. She seemed so distracted and distant. "Maybe you should go rest until the kids get home. You've been on the go since early this morning."

Ellen shook her head dismissing Laura's suggestion. She'd been planning for this moment longer than Sasha had been begging to come to the party.

"I'm a machine," she mused with a casual shrug.

"A machine that could use a nap," Laura teased. "I know I sure could use one."

"I'm fine," Ellen insisted. That was it. Before Laura attempted to go rest herself she had to go for it. Ellen had never had a problem being direct before. Such a feeling of apprehension was so immensely foreign to her. It had her second guessing if she should in fact go through with it or wait another day. Of all of her past wild ideas and notions that she'd shamelessly blurted out without a second thought, this one was making her stumble on her words and causing her confidence to wane. She couldn't wait though. It was the optimal time, fresh after the party while Laura's sense of compassion and generosity was still heightened. "I don't want to nap, Laura," she forced herself to say. "I actually- I need to talk to you about something. It's important."

"Important?"
"Very."

Laura studied Ellen for a moment wondering what in the world pertinent enough to warrant such preamble. They never announced that they needed to speak to one another. They just spoke, and about everything under the sun whether it be their kids, their past, or their sex lives. There was only one thing that Laura could guess might be the cause of Ellen's obvious unease.

"Ellen, if this is about me taking that position at the town primary school this fall, I promise it would only be part time."

As they'd mingled with their guests Laura had found herself conversing with a friend of Tawny's who had helped to start the nearby town's first communal school. Having learned from Tawny what an asset Laura could be to the new learning facility the woman had offered her a possible position in aiding the school's further development. Ellen had walked up mid-conversation, surprised to find Laura considering the job.

"I didn't mean to spring that on you during the party, Elle. Tawny had told me that she'd spoken to her friend about my previous experience, but I didn't expect the woman to offer me a job today. I know I probably seemed a little over eager," Laura rambled on. She'd been concerned about Ellen's reaction to the idea. Recent discussion over the children enrolling in the new school had caused some disagreement. Ellen wanted the twins home where Laura could continue to teach them as she always had. She'd been outnumbered three to one when even Saul agreed that they should be with other children their own age. Laura suspected that Ellen was still uncomfortable with the coming changes. "I just figure- with Sasha and Liam starting their first year of classroom learning this fall it would actually give us all some peace of mind if one of us could be so close by. We could work it out to where I'd only go in on days that you weren't working with Sam. That way at least one of us is always in town on school days just in case they need us and one of us is always back here in case they have a sick day home."

Ellen shook her head.

"No. No, no, Laura. Not that. It's okay. I mean, we'll figure all of that out when the time comes. If you want to take that job I think you should, but that's not it. Not at all."

"Oh. Okay," Laura frowned, confused as to what Ellen could possibly have on her mind. "Well, what's up?"

"Well…" Ellen attempted.

Laura's brow rose when nothing followed.

"Well, what? C'mon, Elle," she encouraged, nudging the other woman's foot under the table as if tapping a skipping record back into place.

"Sorry," Ellen huffed. She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched at the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "This is even harder than I thought it would be."

Laura's forehead creased in concern. What the hell could be wrong? Their lives were so intertwined that they hardly had the time, space or desire for secrets. She couldn't fathom what Ellen would have to tell her that she didn't already know. It was beyond odd.

"Ellen, you're starting to frakking scare me. Really."

"I'm not trying to."

"Are you and Saul both okay?"

"Yes. Yes! Everyone is fine. It's not like that."

"Well then what's it like?"

"Gods. I need to ask you a favor," Ellen finally blurted.

"A favor?"

"A huge favor. One I have no damn right to ask of you."

"I don't understand."

"I know. I know. This is just hard."

Laura grimaced in confusion and frustration. Whatever it was it had to be serious.

"Ellen, do you… Do you want us to move out or something" she speculated.

Ellen's nervous expression turned immediately horrified.

"What?! Gods no!" she shouted, suddenly appearing quite hurt by the very idea. "How could you think that!?"

"I don't know! You're acting so strange!" Laura defended. "What could be so hard to ask me? Unless you tell me what it is all that I can do is come up with frakked up guesses!"

Ellen gawked back at Laura, still distracted by the awful thought.

"Why would you even consider that I'd ever ask you three to move?"

Laura rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Forget it."

"This is your home. It's our home. You can't leave. You can't just take Sasha and go."

"We're not!"

"The twins can't live apart," Ellen continued to ramble. "I could never dream of separating them!"

"Ellen, for frak sake! Focus! Get back on topic! What's the frakkin favor!?"

"My gods," Ellen whined, covering her face with her palms. "Laura, you've given me so much. More than you'll ever know. And I'm eternally grateful for all of it. Because of you I had the family that I always wanted and then- the family I never knew I wanted...but there's just some things...these deep and powerful longing feelings that have never gone away. After Liam I thought that they would. I mean how much more could I want?"

"Ellen, what in the hell are you talking about?"

Ellen clenched her sweat dampened palms into the tightests fists she could manage and took a deep breath.

"Laura, I've decided...after all these years, I- I really want to try to have a baby. I want to try one more time to have Saul's child, to know what it would feel like to give a baby the gift of life, to feel them grow and move. I could never love a child more than I love Liam-Daniel. Gods, I love him more than anything. And Kat, she showed me that I didn't have to make her for her to belong to me. I know that. I do. I just also know that this is something that I have always wanted to experience and seeing Tawny so happy and glowing, it just brought it all back. I realized that the desire had never really gone away. I started thinking about how much more advanced the reproductive science is here than it ever was on the Colonies or even back on my Earth and I thought, maybe this time in spite of my apparent physical age and issues, maybe the specialists in Orbit might actually be able to help me."

Laura was unable to hide her complete shock.

"Ellen, I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything yet. I haven't told you what the favor is."

"What do you mean?"

Ellen licked at her lips, wishing she had the foresight to grab a glass of water.

"Laura, I want to have a baby. I want it so godsdamn much, but...I need your eggs to do it."

There was a momentary pause that seemed to last forever until Laura spoke.

"My eggs?" She echoed.

"Yes. Your ova."

"Mine?"

"Yes."

"What the frak?"

"Gods, Laura. Please don't just say no without-"

"Ellen, Ellen, let's just back the frak up for just a second," Laura interrupted with a halting palm. "I'm really trying to process all of this."

Ellen frantically nodded in understanding.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's a lot. I know it is."

"Before I even delve into what you're saying you want to do, why in the world would you think to come to me of all people for viable eggs?"

"I would need donor eggs for the embryo. I can't conceive naturally. They may be able to help me find a way to actually get pregnant and carry a baby, but I already know that I don't have what I need to start."

Laura stared back at her, mouth agape before finally gathering her thoughts enough to respond.

"Listen, Ellen, I'm not saying that I agree with what it is you're telling me you're planning on doing, but there have to be plenty of donors out there to choose from."

"There are. I could go to an Orbit fertility specialist, put in a request for donated ova and have an entire catalogue to choose from, but I don't want some stranger's baby, Laura. Not if I can come to you."

"Ellen, firstly- even if I were willing to momentarily entertain the insane thought of this, you know that my cycle never came back after I stopped nursing Sasha. That was over three years ago. Even if I have any eggs left what makes you think that they would be healthy or viable at this point?"

"No. No, I wouldn't ask you to go through an extraction. Not again for frak sake and of course you're right. I'm sure whatever ova you have left most likely wouldn't be very good candidates, but the ones preserved in the lab on Alpha should be in perfect condition."

Laura squinted, unsure of what she was hearing.

"The lab?"

"Yes."

"Ellen, there are no eggs of mine in the lab on Alpha. They were destroyed."

Ellen shook her head.

"No they weren't. I checked. I called Sydra days ago to make sure."

"They were.You told me that they were destroyed," Laura insisted, her eyes growing wider as her voice grew louder.

"No. I didn't."

"Oh yes you did. I think I would remember such a thing! You explained to me how a few years after Kat and the others were born and deemed failures as our replacements the leftover eggs they'd taken from me were destroyed. You told me yourself!"

Ellen began to internally panic. Out of all of the possible ways she'd imagined her request might be received she'd never dreamed that Laura would turn out to be virtually unaware of the very thing she was asking for.

"Laura, I never said that they destroyed the leftover eggs they extracted."

Laura's temper rose, hating the way such intimate parts of herself were being spoken about like a bad breakfast tossed in the trash.

"You sure as frak did, Ellen! Five frakkin years ago! We were in the lab. You took me there that day to explain Kat's entire conception, gestation and her birth. I remember every moment of that day!"

"Laura, I told you that the other embryos were destroyed. The fertilized ova. They had successfully made half a dozen embryos from your eggs and Bill's sperm. They only implanted one, planning that if it failed they would have back ups. The rest were preserved, but they didn't need them. You got pregnant with Kat on their first try. Had they used all of the embryos they would have had the leftover unfertilized ova to go back to and start over. After the four kids were born and the project offshoot was exposed that's when the leftover embryos were destroyed. They were considered a creation of the project and eliminated. The leftover unfertilized ova were kept preserved. They were considered bio specimens in the same manner any blood or plasma the doctors had drawn from you would be. They were kept cryogenically preserved for your eventual resurrection for you to decide to keep, donate or discard. I have to admit when I checked with Sydra I was surprised that you hadn't asked the lab to eliminate them years ago."

"That's because I didn't know they were there! You never told me!"

"Laura, I told you the embryos were gone. I never said that the rest of the eggs were too! I gave you access to your medical records and all of your files that very day you're referencing."

What a day that had been. It had ended in an awful fight resulting in Katya shouting and threatening Laura in Ellen's defence. It was something Ellen still regretted her part in. There was so much regret. So much guilt leftover between Ellen and Laura for so many things. They'd long forgiven each other but they would never forgive themselves.

"You should have seen the ova listed in your records under personal biological specimens," Ellen continued to explain. "After that day you had complete control over what happened to them. The notes in your records explained all of this."

"I don't frakkin' believe this!"

Laura forcefully pushed her chair back from the table. It squeaked harshly across the hardwood floor, the sound echoing the choler in the air. Laura stood up in exasperation before shoving the chair back into place with a bang causing Ellen to flinch.

"Laura, stop. Please, don't be angry," she appealed as she watched her begin to pace beside the table, her hands crossly at her hips. Ellen certainly hadn't expected the discussion to be an easy one, but she couldn't believe how awful it was going. "I didn't ever mean to mislead you. Okay? So-so they've been sitting there in the chryo freezer for years. You can't do anything about that now."

Laura stopped in her manic tracks beside the table.

"Ellen, you knew how I felt about everything they did to me," she said pointing an accusatory finger in her direction. "I didn't want anymore to do with their manipulations as far as that aspect of my life was concerned. I even risked getting rid of that frakking implant early because I couldn't stand knowing that it was inside of me. Why would you think that I would willingly allow the ova that was stolen from me to be kept in the possession of the godsdamn laboratory where they were taken!?"

"I just told you, I was shocked to hear that they were still there. I thought I was wasting my time when I called Sydra to ask, but she was able to confirm it right away. Today at the party she told me there were no notes indicating that they had even been looked up on file for years."

"And why the hell is Sydra speaking to you about something that's supposedly mine!?"

"I still have my Alpha lab credentials. She had to," Ellen confessed, knowing she'd abused her position. "She still doesn't know why I asked. Please don't be angry at her."

"That's just great," Laura caustically huffed.

"Believe me, I thought of everything you're telling me right now, but then...I don't know I just thought maybe with everything we've gone through over the past five years that maybe you never really had time to make a decision and inform the lab. Or-or maybe you just felt strange throwing them away. I thought maybe it was easier to just keep them there than to make a choice. And then I started thinking that maybe...maybe it was meant to be. Maybe they were still there for a reason for a purpose."

"Oh for you?" Laura acerbically posed, her eyes narrowed and accusatory.

"Laura, I know that this is a lot. I'm sorry. I thought you knew that they were still there, but please don't let that influence what I'm asking you."

"Ellen, I can't even wrap my head around what you're frakking asking me!"

"Damn it. This isn't how this was supposed to frakking go."

"How did you think it was going to go, Ellen? I mean, really!"

"To start with, I didn't think that this part was going to be the shock of it all. I promise that I get the gravity of what I'm asking of you. The last thing I wanted was to blindside and upset you with new information. I just honestly don't understand how you missed that part of your medical records."

Laura wouldn't admit it but she'd avoided looking too deeply into her records at all, especially back then. It had taken all of her will and strength just to watch Katya's birth after gaining access to them. Reading all of the recorded details and notes had been too much to even consider.

"This is insane."

"This is my life, Laura."

"It's my life too!"

"And I'm asking you to help me. Like you always do. Like we always help each other. Please put your anger aside and just consider-"

"Consider what? Giving you another child of mine to raise? This time while I watch?"

"You don't watch me raise Liam, you help me," Ellen countered. "We help each other. We do it together. This wouldn't be any different except…"

"Oh, it's a lot different, Ellen. A lot! You're asking me to let you carry my baby."

Ellen paused for a moment and cast her eyes down to look at the table top where her hands were folded tightly before her in a failing attempt at keeping them from trembling. She couldn't stomach the look of outrage on Laura's face. She felt the hope she'd been presumptuous enough to have starting to dissolve.

"In a way…" she began, her voice far more cautious and yielding. "...you've carried mine."

Ellen chanced a look up at Laura who had once again stopped her pacing in the face of the audacious insinuation and stood facing her, jaw dropped in mute astonishment.

"I always envied the natural connection you had with Kat. You gave her life, and I was always fascinated by that and so, so frakking jealous. I thought of her as my daughter, yet...someone else had brought her into this world," she continued, attempting to bear her soul in hopes that it might somehow inspire a change of heart. "But now, now maybe I could know what it's like to have that kind of bond with a child. To give everything I have to grow and protect them."

Laura reached for the back of a kitchen chair and gripped it out of sheer frustration.

Ellen was beginning to look dejected, but Laura was still too shocked over the entire proposal to voice any measure of compassion or understanding.

"But you want it to be mine, Ellen. And you want Saul to be the father!? This is crazy. As if this family isn't strange enough. How the hell do you think Bill would react to Saul and I being the biological parents of a child in this home?"

Ellen suddenly glanced upward with an obvious glint of hope in her eyes. Finally a question she'd expected and felt well rehearsed for.

"I think that if he could accept the gift that you were giving to me he would grow to love that child very much. In fact I think that child would be very special to him. Bill loves you and Saul so much. There are no two people living or dead who he's trusted more or had deeper connections with. A child biologically part you and part Saul, well I think Bill would consider that child a blessing. I know I would because I feel the very same way. You two are the closest people I have in my life. If I can't carry my own biological baby then, well, I want to carry yours."

Laura couldn't begin to form a response to Ellen's answer. As bonded as the two women had become over the years Laura's admiration and appreciation of Ellen was mostly shown through their interactions instead of spoken through words. In all of her time Laura had yet to master voicing her affections. Ellen always felt comfortable expressing her feelings. Though they were reciprocated, Laura just couldn't help her natural inclination to avoid articulating them. She often spoke through Sasha, using the little girl as some kind of emotional crutch.

'Tell Auntie love you!' she'd prompt the child to say. 'Tell Auntie we'll miss her while she's away.' she'd instruct. 'Say be safe on your ride into town, Aunt Elle.'

Despite the degree of separation Laura always felt as if Ellen understood how genuine her feelings were. Their means of conveying it were different, but the emotions were always true. Laura never questioned it and yet hearing Ellen speak about her in the context of her current reasoning just hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Why me?"

"Because," Ellen shrugged, attempting a tentative smile that didn't last, "I know you. I love you. And because I already know what beautiful babies you make."

Despite the adoring sentiment and the supplicant look on Ellen's face Laura just couldn't help the utter aggravation that she felt.

"Ellen, I am not some kind of free frakkin' resource for you to use," she spat, unable to hold back.

Her near acid tone made Ellen cringe.

"But…that's the thing, Laura," she forced herself to carry on, "In a way you already have been," she countered, causing Laura's eyes to momentarily flare.

"I don't mean that how it sounds," Ellen quickly defended, holding out a cautioning hand. "I just mean that, well, Katya came from you and I loved her so frakking much. Everything about her, good and bad. And Liam and Sasha- Laura, they came from you too if you really think about it," Ellen began to expound, going into the intricate and obsessive level of thought she'd put toward it all. "You made Kat. When you carried her she already possessed the ova that would become Sasha and Li. So part of them came from you too. Part of the twins has been with you since before Kat was even born. Don't you find that so amazing?"

She offered Laura another hesitant smile hoping the other women would see the beauty in the science and nature of it as she did, but the appreciation wasn't returned.

"My love for all three of them has been the most powerful and wonderful thing that I've ever felt. You were the source of those miracles. If by some medical wonder I can add another child to this family, why wouldn't I want it to be yours if the option is there?"

Laura bit down on her tongue to stop herself from responding without proper thought.

She'd been reacting and ranting on pure impulse. She was angry and she was upset, but she was also staring at a very desperate woman who despite her dejected appearance had a thoughtful answer for every question and accusation being thrown at her.

Laura swallowed against a dry throat. She was scolding Ellen for wanting something that she couldn't have. She didn't have to give in. She just had to talk to her. They'd come too far to start disregarding one another's feelings and desires. She needed to stop shouting and fuming and start figuring out why Ellen would be suddenly considering such an idea.

With new composure and far more restraint than she'd stood up, Laura pulled her chair back out from the table and sat back down. She looked at Ellen sitting in place with her shoulders slumped and her eyes filled with fresh unshed tears. She sighed at the sight of her.

"We have a happy family, Ellen," Laura began to reason in a more measured and tempered voice. "Despite all of the awful pain that we each carry within us we've somehow managed to find a decent sense of joy and balance. We have a good life. Why would you risk disrupting that? And after all that we've been through?"

"I see it as making more joy and happiness," Ellen answered.

Laura shook her head at a loss.

"Ellen, I can't do this for you. And now you're going to resent me for it. You've already disrupted things by putting me in this position. I don't want you to hate me over something I-"

"No. No, Laura," Ellen cut in. "Look, I want this. I do. I want it so frakking badly, but as much as I want to convince you to help me, I swear- I swear on everything that I won't hold it against you if you don't. I even told Sam that I would never-"

"Sam?" Laura interrupted.

"Yes."

"You spoke to Sam about this?"

"Yes."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Laura questioned.

Though they all considered Anders and Tawny to be part of the family Laura couldn't fathom why he would be told about something so very personal. Had it only involved Ellen she might not have found it so disturbing, but it sure as hell didn't. It angered her to realize that Sam must have known about her preserved eggs before she did. She felt exposed and put on display. Something she hadn't felt so strongly since she'd found out that she was the last to know about Kat.

"He's been my friend for ages," Ellen began to justify. "He's who I used to talk to about this with back on my Earth when I was trying to conceive then. He knew everything. He listened to me go on and on about every procedure I went through and all sorts of nitty gritty stuff about Saul and I trying, which I'm sure he didn't love hearing. He also comforted me when it all failed time and time again until...I gave up. And then he helped me get through that too. Being back in a lab with him in our element, it's like old times. When we work we just fall back into our old ways of chatting. We can talk about everything."

Laura's eyes narrowed.

"Does Saul know that you spoke to him about this?"

Something definitely felt off. She didn't doubt Ellen's desire, but something wasn't quite making sense.

"Saul...Saul doesn't know about any of this, yet," Ellen admitted, averting her eyes from Laura's scrutinizing stare.

"So not only did you discuss this idea with Sam before me, you discuss it with Sam before your husband?"

"I didn't want to propose it to Saul until I knew if it was truly an option or not," Ellen defended, daring to look back at Laura if only to check to see if the expression she wore was any more damning.

Laura leaned back in her seat trying to assess the array of wild emotions displayed in Ellen's eyes. As much as she seemed to be baring her soul there was a hint of deception to it all. Laura was sure of it.

"If you two havent spoken about it then how do you know that Saul would even want this?" she continued to question.

Laura could hardly believe that Saul would be so accepting of such a contrived idea. He seemed so delighted with Liam and it was crazy to think that he felt the same void. Certainly not enough of one to be comfortable with the notion of conceiving a baby with his best friend's wife. Laura and Saul had become much like a bickering yet loving brother and sister since moving to the surface. They spent a good amount of their time in their shared garden arguing over the ripeness of tomatoes and the spacing of fence posts and teasing one another about everything from her bossy nature to his bald head. Aside from his occasional rowdy comment to Bill about her gardening shorts, their relationship was quite familial. To imagine sharing biological parentage of a child together just seemed a tad unsettling.

"Because I know him," Ellen professed. "And I didn't want to get his hopes up before I asked you."

"Ellen, if this is something that you and Saul want so badly and you think the doctors here can help then...go for it. I wish you well. I may not agree with it, but it's between the two of you."

Laura nearly had to force herself to say the words but it was only right. She understood that Ellen's choice to pursue a pregnancy shouldnt invlove her input. In fact it shouldn't involve her at all.

"You two make your decision and then if you decide that you truly want this then go ahead and find yourselves a donor, but please leave me out of it."

Ellen felt her heart sink even further out of her chest and down into her gut.

"I can't do that, Laura," she cried. "It has to be you!"

"Why!?"

"It just does!"

"Ellen, you're making a frakkin' lousy case!"

"Laura, don't tell me that you don't understand where I'm coming from, even just a little bit," Ellen pleaded in distress. "Don't you wish that you could remember what it was like to carry Kat? Don't you wish you could remember her birth? You must wish you could get that experience back."

"Of course! Of course I wish that I'd been in this frakking body when she was born. That doesn't mean that I have the urge to go out and have another frakking baby just to make up for it! Ellen, if you still have that urge after all these years and you still can't live with it then figure it out, but I can't help you make it happen," Laura insisted.

Ellen wiped at one teary eye and then the other.

"Could you at least, sleep on it?" She requested in a pitiful appeal.

It couldn't be the end of the line. She couldn't let the discussion just stop there.

"No, Ellen," Laura affirmed once again. "I will not have any part in getting your hopes up."

"Just think about it. Once you've cooled down and the shock of everything wears off you may feel differently. Sam thought I was crazy at first too, but then the more we spoke about it the more excited he became."

For some reason Sam's name was triggering something deep within Laura's gut. What in the hell did he have to do with any of this? Ellen's confiding in him before either she or Saul had her more than irritated. She wasn't quite sure why, but his supposed encouragement felt almost suspicious.

Regardless of her grievances over Sam Laura needed Ellen to understand and accept her answer.

"Ellen, I can't watch another one of my children run to you when they want their mother," she told her as plainly as she could. "I can't do it no matter how much I care for you."

New tears rushed to Ellen's eyes. She looked up at the blurred wood beams of the cabin ceiling in an attempt to stop them from falling, but it was no use and they spilled out and streamed down her flushed cheeks.

"It would be different this time. I'd carry this baby. It would know me as its mother from birth. It wouldn't be like Kat. They wouldn't be so torn or confused. This child wouldn't have been waiting for you for years, wanting you as their mother. This is just DNA. It's not so strange, you know. I've heard plenty of stories about women donating to their sisters or friends who can't conceive. It happens. If I were sick and needed blood or a kidney and you could help me, I know that you would. Can't you think of it that way?"

Laura took a deep breath and let it out in an earnest attempt at keeping her regained self-control.

"Ellen, maybe I should be able to seperate myself from this. Maybe those women are better people than I am. Maybe I should be able to accept it and offer you something you obviously want so badly...But I can't do it. Not after all that I've been through. I just can't. I don't want to and I'm not willing to. I don't like that you're hurt. I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you so miserable and knowing that this time I can't be the one who helps you get you through it. Most of all I hate being the cause of your disappointment...but I just can't offer you what you need this time."

With her elbows on the table Ellen covered her face within the palms of her hands and cried.

"Please, Laura?" she squeaked out in a desperate attempt.

Laura watched Ellen sobbing; face hidden and shoulders hunched with a sense of shame that she'd never before witnessed from her. Just as Laura felt the urge to reach out to comfort the poor woman she felt an unexpected surge of frustration rushing through to overpower her sympathy. She felt badly that Ellen was so horribly upset, but she resented being made to feel so responsible.

"Ellen, if you want another baby so badly then why does it matter who the donor is?" Laura enquired further.

Ellen remained slumped in her seat.

"I already told you," she muttered between hitches in her ragged breath.

"Bullshit."

"What?"

Ellen peered up with her reddened puffy eyes to see Laura watching her with a keen look of distrust. She knew the look all too well but hadn't been the focus of in years.

"You heard me," Laura called her bluff. "Bullshit. If you want to carry and deliver a baby and have that physical experience so badly then why in the living frak should you give that up because I said no? If it's in fact medically possible then go find a way to do it without me. Why is this whole thing resting at my feet?"

"It's the only way I'd feel right about..."

"Ellen, I know that you're lying about something," Laura finally accused. "And badly, I might add."

Things were just not adding up. She could accept that Ellen might very well prefer a child genetically related to Liam. What Laura couldn't believe was that it was the only course that Ellen was willing to take. When Ellen Tigh wanted something she usually found a way to get it. Everyone and everything else be damned.

"I am not," Ellen huffed in an exasperated rebuttal as she fell limply backward in her seat.

As far as she was concerned she was telling the truth. Nothing she'd said so far was a lie. She meant every word.

"You are," Laura accused again, her eyes sharpened in Ellen's direction. "I know it. I feel it," She insisted as she walked closer and looked down at Ellen's slumped posture. It just wasn't right. This wasn't how Ellen fought for what she wanted. It wasn't how she argued her opinions or how she asked for help. She did all of that with an almost blind confidence and determination, her head held high even in the face of any embarrassment or shame that would plague the average person. She had guts and an almost irrational sense of optimism to lead her through. So why did she seem so terribly abashed this time?

Laura considered that it could have been the subject in general; the one thing that had painfully evaded Ellen through every lifetime. Eons of built up desperation had left her undoubtedly worn down and emotionally brittle when it came to the topic of her infertility. There was just one thing that stopped Laura from buying her own rationalization.

"I was there when you first held Liam," Laura recounted the memory. "I saw how he completed you. I'd never witnessed anything like it before."

Their children had saved them both from utter self destruction, but more than that they'd fit so perfectly into their lives. As awful as the circumstances were that lead to raising the twins as their own it had always felt so strangely right, as if they had been meant for them all along. Laura felt it with Sasha and she'd witnessed it between Liam and Ellen.

"You were devastated, but you were handed enough love to fill that agonizing hole in your heart. I watched him start to heal you. I've watched you feed him and nurture him. He's helped restore you body and soul. I see the way you and Saul look at him. I see the way you look at each other when you're all together. He's your son. He's what you've always wanted. Katya gave him to you. I watch you and Saul with him every day. You're a family and you've been as content as any of us could have hoped to be. I understand being mournful of a missed experience. Believe me. I may have not lived with such a strong urge to become a mother, but once I found out about Kat I grieved the missing memories of everything from her conception to her birth and beyond. I understand that feeling of wanting to know what it's like, but I just don't believe that it's all that's motivating this."

Ellen's throat clenched painfully shut. Laura knew her too well. She should have known better than to think that she'd be able to evade her. Their lives and minds had become far too interlaced.

"Liam is everything to me…" she rasped, forcing her overtightened larynx to speak through the pain. "...but so was Kat and so was Daniel. I can love another child, and Laura, I know that you could too if you..."

Ellen stopped herself from finishing when the look in Laura's eyes quickly intensified. The attempt at persuasion had misfired, only triggering suspicions further.

With an incredulous arch to her brow and her arms crossed Laura looked Ellen up and down.

"Elle, when you first told Sam about this plan did he know where you were planning on getting the donor eggs from?"

Avoiding Laura's scruitizing stare, Ellen's gaze fell to her lap.

"No. Not at first."

"You said he thought it was a crazy idea at first."

"Yes. I mean he didn't exactly try to talk me out of it, but he was shocked. He said Tawny's pregnancy was making me jealous and stirring up all these old feelings. Of course he was obviously right about that part at first, but then he realized that I wasn't just spouting nonsense or dreaming of hypotheticals. He realized I was serious. I don't know if I would have had the courage to decide without him, but he really began to support me. He thought it through. He made me feel like I wasn't just a desperate fool grasping at a long lost fantasy."

"And when you told him that you planned to try to use my eggs, is that when he changed his mind?" Laura speculated.

"He changed his mind because he thought about it and he just wants me to be happy. He knows how much any child born into this family would be loved. Why not support that?"

"What else have you two been talking about lately while you're working in the cylon lab?"

Ellen shrugged.

"Anything. Everything. Work, life, you name it."

"Everything? Tell me, Elle, does that include Sam's frakking theory?"

"What theory?"

"Don't play stupid, Ellen!"

"He says a lot of things. It's Sam."

"You know what I'm referring to. Everything he believes about Kat."

Ellen gulped hard and tried not to avert her focus from Laura's.

"It's come up."

"Recently?" Laura pressed.

Ellen's pupils had grown as wide as a caught doe's

"I dont know."

If Laura hadn't already seen enough presage to be sure Ellen's expression would have given it away.

Laura's teeth and palms clenched in unison. Finally it all made sense.

"She's not coming back, Ellen!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes you do!" Laura countered, as she shot up from her seat once again. "I can see it all over your face!"

"See what? You're yelling at me! How else should I look!?"

"She's not coming back! Do you hear me? Even if you actually bought into what Sam believes, there is no one here to save! There's no reason to come here! No one here is in trouble this time! She's at peace!"

"You don't know for sure how any of it works!" Ellen broke with a slap of her open fist to the tabletop.

"Neither do you! Neither does Sam, despite what he might think! Gods, Ellen! Did he really frakking convince you that you could get her back!?"

"I never said that."

"You don't have to."

"Laura you're-"

"I'm what? Seeing right through you? How dare he even suggest such a thing to you! And how dare he convince you to use me to do it!"

"Sam cared about her deeply. He cares about us, about our family."

"He better not have mentioned this to Tawny! If I found out he got that poor girl's hopes up in the state she's in so help me!"

"He hasn't! I promise! He wouldn't do that to her. Especially right now."

"Dammit, Ellen! I thought you and I were on the same page when it came to this!"

"How!? How, Laura!? You never even let anyone talk about it! I avoided it for so long because you hated the frakking thought of it and I thought that meant that I should too, but Laura, we can't just deny it forever. Bill believes. Bill believes and you won't even let him mention it in front of you!"

"I've heard all I care to hear about it."

"You can't just keep ignoring it."

"Yes I can! Because it didn't make one frakking iota of a difference for me while she was alive! What good will it do me now!? All I know is that Katya was my daughter. That was my child who had her own identity! She lived her life and now it's over! No matter how painful that may be."

Ellen squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could.

"What harm is there in trying?" she posed.

"Ellen, how would you even know?" Laura challenged. "You didn't know last time. I mean was there ever even an inkling?"

For a while after Katya died the shared notion had been purposefully kept from Laura and Ellen. With their fragile state, deep grief and two infants to care for both Saul and Bill decided that it was best not to expose them to anything that could compromise or upset them further. They'd made Anders swear that he would keep it to himself too, at least until things became more stable. Over the years as time went on and tensions diminished comments began to be made here and there. Sometimes between Saul and Bill, sometimes among Anders and Tawny. For a time Laura and Ellen had willfully ignored it, knowing that there had been something that the other's had known about their daughter that they didn't, yet choosing to avoid asking what exactly it was. As the years passed they had each gathered enough to understand what the general theory was, but while Ellen had always generally shrugged it off Laura often became angered by any hint of it in conversation. They'd all learned to keep it to themselves or at least away from Ellen and Laura.

"No," Ellen conceded. "She was just Kat to me."

"Exactly. So how would you know this time?"

Ellen rubbed at the growing pain at her brow, attempting to knead away the ache.

"I didn't have much of a relationship with Kara. She didn't mean much to me. Maybe Bill and Sam and Saul could sense it because of their past. Don't you think that if your child was with you again in some way you would just know? Don't you think you would just feel her?"

"But it wouldn't be her!" Laura continued to argue to Ellen's dismay, infuriated but still maintaining her maddening practicality. "Not in the way you're thinking. The same way that Katya was not Kara Thrace! The things you loved about Kat; her habits and mannerisms, they wouldn't be there! This child would grow up to be their very own person. Maybe some sense of her would exist if what they believe is true and if what you're hoping for actually happens. You're right- I won't pretend to know how it works, but Ellen, you would still miss Kat. You would still miss and mourn a life that's gone!"

Ellen's jaw trembled as she tried to speak.

"I'd give almost anything to be with even a tiny part of her," she cried through chattering teeth.

Laura's anger was strong but it was no match for the reluctant empathy she felt for the woman before her. In spite of her outrage she couldn't help but understand the misery and desperation that had led Ellen to her current state.

"Then be with Liam," she said as she returned to her seat, beckoning for Ellen's downcast eyes to look up at her. "Be with Sasha. Enjoy the parts of Kat that we have left and let her rest in peace knowing that they have you and that one day you'll be with her again."

"That's just it, Laura," Ellen sobbed. "To go to her one day I'll have to leave Liam…and that beautiful healthy boy is going to live a long, long life if I have anything to say about it. I'm lucky enough that I'll probably be able to witness it. I'm glad of that. I am. Sometimes this never ending life used to feel like a curse, but now, now I never want to leave him. Never. Not unless I have no other choice. If he lives the full long life I pray he does...Laura that's a long time. Telling myself that I'll be with Kat one day and knowing how very far off that day may be...It's like an anchor tied to my soul. If I could just know that she was with me then my heart wouldn't be split between two frakking planes of existence."

Laura winced at the description. She'd never quite put it into those words, but Ellen was right. It was exactly what it felt like to be living a life with one child while another was gone.

She'd never been in the position of having to talk Ellen out of her grief. Whatever form it took, they usually just let each other feel it until it passed. This time was different.

"Ellen you've been alive for so long. Another hundred years or so...shouldn't that feel like a drop in the bucket?"

"Not when you're waiting to see your child again."

Laura nodded.

"Ellen…" she began.

"I'd love this baby so much," Ellen interjected before she could finish.

"I know that, Elle," Laura conceded. She could see Ellen's focus growing distant, her resolve starting to fade. "But we've been through too much to risk compromising what we already have. And if you really do want another baby it needs to be based on only that desire alone and not because you believe that there's a chance of getting back what we've lost. That wouldn't be fair to any of us, especially that child. Katya suffered so much because she was created and born for the intended purpose of being something that she failed to become through no fault of her own. How could you- how could we put that same expectation on another child knowing what it did to her?"

Ellen looked around their home, her wet eyes darting around erratically, looking everywhere yet at nothing in particular.

"This is for love. I'd love this child no matter what."

"But can you say that you'd want it just as much if you knew there was no possibility at all?"

Laura's question hung heavily in the quiet air between them. She watched on as Ellen faught through the storm within herself.

"No," Ellen broke the weighty silence with her whispered response.

Her eyes gradually grew wider, filling to the brim before raining tears down her cheeks once more as if her own answer had suddenly struck without notice like lightning to the heart.

Laura nodded in understanding. Her anger was mostly gone, but though she felt that she'd done the right thing she knew that the guilt would take longer to fade.

Some long moments passed as they sat together.

Laura wanted to reach out for Ellen's hand and yet she stopped herself. For the first time in years she felt as if it wouldn't be the comfort that she needed. She was shocked at how much it hurt her to realize and she wondered how long it would last.

They'd become so reliant on one another and this was where it had led them. One finally asking more than the other could give.

"Are you going to be okay, Elle?" Laura tested.

Saul and Bill would be home with the twins any moment and she knew that Ellen wouldn't be eager to explain the state she was in.

"Ya know…" Ellen softly spoke, elbows on the table, lackadaisically propping up her chin with her palm, "I really did want to finally find out what it would feel like...I've imagined it for so long."

Laura's heart tightened further in her chest at Ellen's solemn forfeiture. The poor woman had fought and given up so many times. They both knew this would be the last.

"I know, Elle. I know."

"I've lived and died with it before," Ellen sighed. "It's just never been easy."

Laura's eyes stung with the tears that had been thwarted by her adreneline since the moment Ellen had dared to begin.

"You know, Elle- you know that I wish that I were half the mother you are... don't you?" she attempted.

"Mm," Ellen barely hummed in response.

"I know that you're angry and disappointed," Laura went on as she wiped her tears away with her wrist. "And I know that you're upset with me, but I think you know as much as I do that it... just isn't meant to be."

Ellen took her head from where it rested in her hand and straightened her posture.

With a forlorn but final concession she nodded.

"Are you going to call Sydra?" she asked. "Ya know...to have them destroyed?"

"I think it's well past time that they were...discarded," Laura rephrased, but it caused Ellen to flinch just the same.

Laura took a short shallow breath and held it. It was going to be a long time until Ellen fully let go. Perhaps she never would.

"We'll all be together again, Elle," she said as she stood from her chair. "One day. In some way or another."

Pausing only for a moment to rest her hand atop Ellen's shoulder, Laura made her way to the cooler to start preparing dinner.

"Laura?" Ellen called after her.

With one hand on the opened door of the appliance Laura looked back over her shoulder.

"Yeah, Elle?"

"I meant what I said...about a child that came from you and Saul. No matter what other idea I had in my head...I just want you to know that part is true."

Laura stood captured in place. The cold air from the cooler chilled her skin as her eyes locked on Ellen's; swollen, red and candid as ever. For a moment she pictured her, adorably rounded belly, too big her thin frame, her hand proudly placed protectively atop the bump. When she felt her face begin to flush she quickly blinked the image away.

With a half of a nod she turned back to her task.