All in his Head
Awake
They temporarily reduced the anaesthesia keeping Matt unconscious and the doctor assessed him, she gave Kelly a smile and told him that Matt had reacted well; they'd allow him to wake up now. She warned him again, that he may not wake up fully for some time, and that he won't have made a miraculous recovery, he would still display some of the same symptoms as before, and possibly other defects that hadn't been seen yet. She was hopeful that Matt would soon score better on the Modified Ranken Scale then in the days before they induced the coma, having been a 5 out of 6, 6 being dead.
Matt was gradually weaned off the medications keeping him unconscious, and eventually he was able to breath without assistance. Kelly smiled when he saw him. It was good to see Matts face without the intubation tube, and to see him breathing on his own again.
Over the following couple of days, Matts eyes flickered open every so often, and on the third day he was able to understand the doctor, to an extent at least. He managed to follow the doctor's finger as she asked him to track it as she moved her hand. Kelly smiled, there was some nystagmus, but both eyes moved equally, there was no paralysis, although he'd been warned symptoms may still come and go as he recovers.
Although Matt had been able to follow the doctor's finger, whether he'd understood the request or had simply tracked the movement was unclear, and he didn't seem to grasp anything else that was asked of him. The doctor assured Kelly that she wasn't worried, that Matt was still in the process of waking, and once he was more aware, she'd perform some more neurological tests so they could to track his recovery.
Kelly slowly developed a better routine. He knew he needed to look after himself so he could help Matt, wanting to spend quality time with him, rather than being there at every single moment of the day because it hadn't been doing neither of them any good. He took on a couple of new clients, but hadn't considered going back to the firehouse yet, he knew he would have to eventually though, especially when Matt became aware he wasn't working. Kelly smiled at that though. Smiled at the thought of Matt giving him a look of disapproval, his brows a little knotted, a small smile on his face, telling Kelly he shouldn't have missed out on so much just because of him. And Kelly would tell him; you're worth it.
With Doris, Shay and Boden all visiting Matt, Kelly didn't feel too guilty about not being with him during every moment. His sleep improved, he kept on top of the housework, found distraction in his work at the boat yard and took care of himself. He was then able to be on top form every day he saw Matt.
Matts ICP catheter and arterial line were removed a week after waking from the induced coma, he was stable now and his condition wasn't critical. The brain swelling had reduced significantly since his admission. He'd also had no more seizures, which Kelly was pleased about, having done lots of researching and reading about Matts illness, knowing if he had a seizure during this recovery phase, it was likely he would have epilepsy, and although he tried not to think about, he had going back to work in mind for Matt. Although even going home at the moment seemed like an impossible task; Matt could not speak or swallow, he had very limited voluntary movement and his body was weak, his muscles had atrophied, and he had no control over his bowel movements.
The doctor kept reminding Kelly that although everything seemed bleak now, Matt would soon begin to recover now he was gaining awareness. There was a large team looking after him. Specialist nurses, physiotherapists, speech therapists, and an ophthalmologist was coming to see him soon. At first Kelly didn't think Matt would have been able to have his eyes tested, imaging they would want him looking at a standard chart of letters and answering questions, but he was told there were different tests that could determine what prescription he'd need. They'd be using the Cardiff Acuity Test, originally develop for young children. They still weren't sure if there was any damage had been done to his ability to process information, and Kelly was also hopeful things would improve simply because Matt was still sick and being treated, he was also hopeful he was still showing symptoms rather than lasting effects off his illness, but only time would tell.
The eye test had been arranged because Matt had been complaining of headaches. He'd been scrunching his eyes shut, groaning and trying to notion his head, and when asked if he was in pain, he would blink yes, their only communication system at the moment since Matt was unable to hold a pen or even point at a board. And knowing Matt had suffered from fluctuating vision changes, the doctor was concerned about damage, causing some of his headaches, or as she'd explained to Kelly, his vision may be fine, and the headaches may purely be caused by the chaos caused in his brain by the illness.
Kelly was sitting with Matt when Doris arrived, she'd been questioned on her arrival to the ward since the medications Matt was on severely lowered his immune system but she didn't mind, she didn't want Matt to catch something. She gave Kelly a smile as she entered the room. She was happy to finally be able to visit Matt now he was awake, having seen him whilst he was in the coma, it had been hard to see him in that position. And although Matt was awake now, having now been in regular contact with Kelly, she wasn't sure if he would respond to her now, but she hoped she could offer him some comfort and familiarity.
"Morning," he greeted Doris, standing up.
She smiled back at Kelly and glanced at Matt before she spoke, he seemed unaware that she'd arrived. "How is he?" she asked.
Kelly nodded. "Seems like a good day," he told her. There were a few times where Matt would wake up and simply cry, scared and panicked but unable to do anything else. "I'll go grab a coffee, he's better one on one."
Matt could hear a familiar voice, and felt a hand on his arm, his world was a blur and any thoughts that appeared vanished almost immediately. He wasn't confused, worried or scared. He wasn't anything. He was just there. Sometimes there were voices, sometimes he recognised words and questions but none of it mattered. It was almost like he was asleep and awake all at the same time. It was oddly comforting.
But then there were moments of pain. Blinding, throbbing pain.
He never remembered anything though. One moment there was pain, the next there was nothing. There were bright lights. Poking. Prodding. Questions. His limbs were moved. His position was adjusted. His gown was changed. He was washed and his sheets were changed.
He was aware, but he wasn't. Everything flittered. Day and night. Voices. Pain. Thoughts.
Until he was gazing blankly at a white ceiling.
He turned his head to a familiar and comforting voice and opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He tried again and again, and then he groan.
"Hey, baby," the voice spoke soothingly. "You're all right."
Was he?
"Have you got a headache?"
Headache?"
"Here… I'll sit you up a bit now you're awake," the voice told him. "Been a long day."
Had it?"
"Thought you'd sleep the rest of the afternoon, you did so well with the therapist though. Doris had been talking about making some nice cotton bibs, don't think you'll need them soon though, you're doing so well."
Bibs?
"Don't worry about it though. You are getting better. And it wouldn't matter if you didn't, not to me."
Matts thoughts wandered from the voice. Something felt like it was rising up inside him, he didn't know what it was, he felt warm and weak. It was his stomach. His stomach hurt. No, it wasn't pain, it was something else. He could hear someone moaning now as he tried to curl in on himself, his movements were instinctual, but clumsy and weak. He had no strength and now he could barely catch his breath.
Kelly watched as Matts skin paled. "Matty?" He didn't expect a response though.
Matt was moaning audibly now, hand moving to his middle, he was trying to move too, trying to curl in on himself. And then Kelly realised a second too late.
He gagged, throwing up his stomach contents, bile and vomit splattered down his chin and pooled on the bed. He was struggling to breathe, choking. Kelly moved him onto his side, making sure he couldn't choke on his own vomit, hitting the call button as he did.
The vomiting soon subsided but Matt was still groaning. He was uncomfortable and Kelly tried his best to help, rubbing his back and humming soothingly, there wasn't anything else he could do, not until he could speak to the doctor about it, determined to make sure Matt felt as good as possible in the circumstances.
Kelly was Matts voice right now and he was going to do the best he could for him. He wasn't naturally clever, he had worked really hard just to graduate high school, and he'd read less than a handful of books since then, Matt was the smart one, Kelly was practical and good with his hands, he'd worked hard to get where he was, not that Matt hadn't worked hard either, he'd worked incredibly hard and having discovered more about his past, Kelly was even more proud of him.
And for Matt, Kelly had been reading non-stop, he'd been looking at so much information about autoimmune encephalitis that he was thinking about it in his sleep. He knew Matts current medications, their side effects and current dosage half by heart, he knew when his vitals were looking good, he knew what a good amount of fluid output was and would keep an eye on the catheter bag, he'd already been looking at mental and physical exercises he could do with Matt to help him, he knew the name of every staff member on Matts care team. Kelly wanted to do the best he possibly could for him, Matt deserved nothing less than the very best. If Matt got no better, if he couldn't look after himself, if he couldn't swallow, or talk, or eat ever again; Kelly would take care of him.
When Shay stepped into the Matts hospital room with a smile on her face, it fell straight away when she saw Kelly's expression.
"What's up?"
Kelly looked up at her tiredly, he hadn't realised she'd arrived. "Oh, hey…"
"Are you all right?"
"He threw up earlier, he's got stomach flu on top of everything else."
"He'll be all right, he looks comfortable now," Shay responded.
He nodded but the sad expression remained on his face.
Shay stepped closer to him. "Come here…" she said, wrapped her arms around him, drawing him into a hug. "It's ok, Kelly."
Kelly moved back from her hold a short while later. "Sorry, dunno why it's got to me, I've been doing all right with everything really…"
"Yeah, but you don't have to be all right, you can have a cry about him getting sick."
"It's just like he's getting worse, not better…" He let out a sob. "He can't talk, what if he's trying to? What if he's shouting and screaming and nothings coming out?"
Shay looked at Matt sadly. "I wish I knew; I wish I could make things better too, but you're doing the best you can, everyone is. This is temporary, he's still sick, he's gonna start recovering. You said he's making sounds, he's able to swallow sometimes," she said positively.
"Yeah," he responded, nodding. "And when he's awake for longer, he'll be able to do more, just having a short session with the speech therapist or physio exhausts him, he fell asleep half way through physio yesterday… he's getting his glasses this week though."
"That'll help him," she said.
"Yeah it will, the lenses are really strong apparently, but again, it's something that might improve, but we can't just wait for it to improve, not if it's causing some of his headaches too," Kelly continued.
"Are you gonna head home, get some work done?" she asked him.
"I should."
"Go on, get outa here, I'll be with him 'til visiting hours are over," she responded before looking at Matt and nodding to the book on the side.. "We've almost finished this book."
"Well, you two enjoy that," Kelly said, standing up. He gave Matt a light kiss, telling him he'd be back tomorrow, and then left the room.
Matt's glasses were delivered to the house. Kelly had already been with him at the hospital in the morning, but decided to head back over. Matt was awake when he arrived, propped up on the bed, there was a nurse with him, and he was using the massaging hand balls, they separated his fingers and supported his wrists. The heat and massage effect promoted increased blood flow in his hands. The physical therapist had provided them, and he hoped to increased the level of strength over time, and eventually move onto standard hand exercise balls as Matt improved. Matt seemed to like this though, they heated his hands and helped him to relax his fingers, the dystonia was often worse with his hands, the involuntary muscle contractions were not only a hinderance but were also tiring.
"Hey, baby, I know I said I'd be back tomorrow, but got you a little present," Kelly said as he sat down.
Matt looked at him, he didn't say anything, but Kelly was just pleased he was focused.
He opened up the small case and took out the glasses, they were simple black plastic frames, Kelly had chosen them, Matt could always choose some in the future if he didn't like these ones. He slipped the frames onto Matts face gently. "There we go, they look good on you," he told him.
Matt didn't respond, not that Kelly was expecting him to, he simply gazed at Kelly and then a large grin appeared on his face.
His smile was infectious and Kelly let out a cheerful noise, smiling back at him. "Can see me now?"
Matt smiled again and reached out with his hand, his coordination failed him, but Kelly had understood. He took Matts hand and took it to his own face, letting Matt feel his skin. Matt opened his mouth and spoke silently. "Kel…" he mouthed, still smiling.
"Hi," Kelly said, unable to stop grinning.
"Kel…" he mouthed again. Then he coughed, struggling to swallow.
"S'all right," Kelly reassured him. "Your throat muscles are a bit funky at the moment, but that's ok, you're already getting better."
Matt just shook his head, not understanding.
"You've been really sick; you're getting better though, and I love you."
TBC