Chapter Twenty-Seven: No I Can't Let It Go

Bella's POV

August 2019

I waited nervously in the exam room for the doctor to return. The technician didn't give me any indication of what she saw on the ultrasound but she didn't seem like she had any bad news.

"Mrs. Cullen," Dr. Howard smiled as she came into the room. She sat down and looked at the ultrasound again. She was a thorough doctor so it didn't make me nervous when she didn't talk for a while. When she turned to me with a smile on her face, I knew it was good news. "Congratulations. You look like you're at about ten weeks."

"Ten weeks," I breathed as I looked at the monitor.

"I would say you're on track to have the baby in February. Just like we predicted at our last appointment."

I smiled. "Another winter baby."

"Does Edward know?" She asked. I found out I was pregnant almost a month ago and came here by myself after I took the test.

"No. But I'm going to tell him tonight," I told her. "Brady is with his father and Caroline is having a sleepover with some friends."

It wasn't that I wanted to keep this from him. But we'd had two miscarriages already and I didn't want anyone to get too excited about the possibility of a new baby. Edward and I started trying three months after our wedding. I got pregnant right before our first anniversary in April.

I miscarried within three days after taking the test.

It was devastating. We hadn't known about the pregnancy for very long but I loved that baby so much. Edward and I held each other while we cried and took a few months before we started trying again.

We started trying again back in October and found out I was pregnant again at the beginning of this year. We were more cautious this time and tried not to get too excited. I took the test Friday night and by Tuesday morning at the doctor's appointment, the baby was already gone.

I didn't get out of bed for almost a week after that appointment. I knew we would be okay if we didn't have another baby. We had two amazing kids already but we couldn't help but want one that was all ours.

He was so upset about the loss of the first two pregnancies I couldn't fathom telling him when I was late at the beginning of July. I didn't want to get his hopes up again so I decided to wait until I was further along to say anything.

I didn't get past a few weeks with the last two pregnancies so I was confident making it to ten weeks was a good sign.

When I got home, I started making his favorite meal and my favorite dessert. I needed a distraction so I didn't end up calling him at work to tell him the good news. With all of our busy schedules, I didn't cook very elaborate dinners anymore and I rarely made dessert fresh.

I had a feeling he would know something was up when he walked into the kitchen and saw all the food.

I was just pulling the chicken out of the oven when I heard the garage door go up. I tried to hide my excitement as he came into the kitchen and gave me a kiss.

"Hi," He smiled, looking tired. It had been a stressful few weeks at the store with school starting back up again. He was working later hours and we hadn't seen a lot of each other but he always made it home for dinner even if he had to go back for a few lessons after.

"Dinner should be ready soon," I told him. "Go rest on the couch."

"I can help."

"I'm good, Edward. Go lie down."

He groaned as he walked towards the living room. "I might not get back up."

"Thirty-six not your year?" I laughed. Ever since his birthday in June he'd been acting like a grandpa and was complaining a lot about his back and joints.

"You're so funny!" He laughed. "Just wait until you turn thirty-five!"

"That's not for another month!" I reminded him and he laughed. I finished making dinner and put everything on plates. He wasn't kidding when he said he might not stand back up but I eventually coaxed him into the kitchen with the smell of his favorite garlic bread.

"Baby, this looks amazing," He kissed my cheek as we sat down together. "I knew you had the day off but you did not have to do this."

"Don't get used to it," I giggled as I poured him a glass of wine. He looked at me with a confused look on his face when I didn't pour myself a glass but obviously wasn't too worried about it because he started to drool when he looked down at his plate.

"You've outdone yourself," He said as he dug into the food. He looked up at me again and was still confused by my lack of wine. "Aren't you going to have a glass of wine too?"

I shrugged. "Not tonight."

"You love wine with dinner," He reminded me. "I mean the only reason you wouldn't be drinking wine is if you were pregnant..." He stopped midsentence and looked up at me.

"Ten weeks," I smiled as I slid the sonogram picture across the table.

"You're pregnant?" He asked. His eyes were filled with fear and joy and then they filled with tears. "We're going to have a baby?"

I nodded. "Yeah. A little, baby Cullen."

"Bella!" He exclaimed as he stood up and walked over to me. He gave me a big kiss and then lifted my shirt, exposing my stomach which hadn't started to grow at all. "We're going to be parents again."

"Think we'll remember how to do it?"

"No," He said seriously but then he laughed. "But we can learn together."

"Meredith and Baby Noname are going to have someone new to play with," I said as he continued to fawn over my stomach while we laid on the couch together.

He looked at me. "They picked a name."

"Finally," I laughed. Kate was due any day now and Alice had given birth to their second child four months ago. Meredith Elenor Swan was a beautiful baby girl who had stolen all of our hearts. Nathan was doing great as a big brother and Alice told me there would be no more babies from them. They were done with two.

And I had a feeling after Kate had the baby they would also be done.

"They settled on Ivy Kate."

"I can't believe they're having another girl," I mused.

Edward laughed. "I know. Emmett's counting on me to carry on the Cullen name."

"No pressure."

"Of course not," He laughed as he kissed me. "I don't care what we have as long as they are happy and healthy."

"Me too. When do you wanna tell the kids?"

"When do you wanna tell the kids?" Brady and Caroline didn't know about the previous pregnancies and I was scared to get them too excited if it didn't work out. But I felt better now that I knew how far along I was. The doctor was going to monitor me closely.

"How about when we get to twelve weeks?" I suggested. "Most of the risk is gone by then."

"We'll do this at your pace," He kissed me. "We'll tell our families after the kids?"

"Yes."

The next few weeks flew by. Caroline and Brady started the eighth grade and it was hard to believe that my babies were growing up. It seemed like yesterday that they became best friends and that hadn't changed at all over the years. Brady was Caroline's protector and Caroline was his.

I loved being their mother.

Kate also gave birth to their third and final child. When we went to meet the baby, it was difficult not to tell everyone our news. Ivy was a beautiful baby and looked just like her big sisters when they were born. Lucy was so excited to be a big sister again and Elena wasn't so sure about the baby.

At the end of August, I was heading into my second trimester. Edward and I agreed we would tell the kids when Brady got home from Jake's Sunday afternoon. I was suddenly very anxious about telling them because they were so used to having us to themselves. I didn't want the baby to be a cause for jealousy.

"Caroline," I knocked on her door after Jake had dropped Brady off. I could tell something wasn't right but Edward insisted that we tell the kids that day.

"Yeah, mom?" She looked up from her math book.

I smiled. I still loved hearing her call me mom. "Can you come downstairs? We have something we want to tell you guys."

"Okay," She said as she stood up and went downstairs. Brady was brooding on the couch but he was fourteen years old. He was getting moodier and we couldn't base our entire world on his mood swings.

"What's going on?" Brady huffed when Caroline sat down. "Are we in trouble?"

"No," Edward smirked. "Is there a reason you should be in trouble?"

Brady rolled his eyes and Caroline spoke up. "No. We didn't do anything. But what is going on?"

"Well..." Edward looked at me and smiled.

"We're going to have a baby," I smiled. "I'm pregnant."

"Really?" Caroline asked as she stood up. "Do you have pictures?"

"I have some upstairs," I told her as I gave her a big hug. When I looked at Brady, he looked like he was close to tears. I knew this might be hard for at least one of them but I didn't think it would upset him this much.

"Brady?" I asked.

"You've got to be kidding me," He stood up and stormed upstairs without another word. I looked at Caroline who looked just as confused as we felt. Edward went to get the sonogram pictures for Caroline to look at while I went to check on Brady.

"Brady?" I knocked on his door. "Honey, can I come in?"

"Yeah," He grunted. I pushed the door open and closed it behind me before sitting at his desk chair. I sat there for a few minutes hoping he would talk to me first. But after five minutes I knew he wasn't going to be the first one to talk.

"I'm sorry you're upset," I whispered.

"Whatever."

"Sweetie..."

"Leah's pregnant too, mom," He blurted out and I was shocked.

Leah was Jake's very serious girlfriend and had been dating for almost two years. She moved into the apartment across the hall from him right before Edward and I got married. They were friends for a while before they started dating and I didn't think they were planning on having a baby anytime soon.

"Really?"

"I wasn't supposed to find out but I came home from playing catch with some friends and I heard them talking about it," He explained. "They don't know that I know."

"And you don't want two new siblings."

"Not really," He shrugged. "I mean, I kinda knew you and Edward were going to have a baby at some point."

I smiled. "You did?"

"You guys love each other," He sighed. "And Caroline told me she heard you guys talking about it."

"You two are so sneaky," I laughed. "Look, just because your dad and I are going to have babies at the same time," A sentence I never thought I would say. "Doesn't mean we love you any less."

He nodded. "I just don't want to get left behind."

"You will never be left behind," I promised him. "You are my first baby. And your first baby holds a special place in your heart."

"Really?"

"Ask your aunts. They love all their children but there's a special bond you have with your first," I told him. "You made me a mom and that has been the greatest gift in the world."

He smiled. "Huh. I...never thought of that."

"Just wait until you become a dad."

There was a soft knock on the door. "Everything okay in here?"

"Yeah, we're good," Brady told him. "Can you guys leave me alone? I kind of just want to play the piano for a bit...clear my head."

"Sure, honey," I kissed his forehead and we left him alone. We heard him start playing a song he learned last year that I always thought was pretty sad. We could barely hear him but he started singing softly.

"Can anybody tell me why I'm lonely like a satellite? 'Cause tonight I'm feeling like an astronaut. Sending SOS from this tiny box. And I lost all signal when I lifted off now I'm stuck out here and the world forgot. Can I please come down, come down?"

We stood by his door for another minute before I pulled him away. I wanted to give Brady his privacy.

"Wow, he is not happy about this baby," Edward said sadly as we went into our bedroom and closed the door. "I knew Caroline would be excited and expected him to not take it as well but...he sounds so upset."

I nodded. "Leah's pregnant."

"What?"

"Brady heard them talking about it when he got home. They didn't know he was there."

"That explains the song a bit more. He must feel like he's being left behind."

"Yeah," I sighed. Jake had been a great and attentive father since the wedding but things changed when things got more serious with Leah. It was subtle changes but I know Brady was having a hard time adjusting to his dad being with someone again.

He was okay with Rachel, but maybe he sensed things weren't serious. Leah was so different. I knew the minute I saw them together after they started dating that he was going to marry her.

It was easier for him when I started dating Edward because he had Caroline. They were good for each other.

Tears filled my eyes. "I just don't' want him to think that we love him any less because of this."

"Bella," Edward pulled me into a hug. This usually wouldn't have brought me to tears but the hormones were making me crazy.

"I love him so much. He's my baby."

"He knows that," Edward whispered as he rubbed my back. "He just needs time to adjust."

I kept crying. "Do you think he meant what he was singing? Does he think we won't love him with the new baby?"

"I don't know," Edward said. "I think he's just working through some emotions and music is his outlet. He's fourteen, he might not even completely understand the song."

The next day, I went to see Jake at his office on my lunch break. When I got up to his floor, Riley was talking to another man in a suit and he smiled at me. I'd seen him a few times since our date and he was a pretty nice guy. He was always nice to me and never brought up our failed date.

Jake told me he had a girlfriend and was thinking of proposing and I was so happy for him. He deserved to be happy.

I talked to Jakes' secretary before going into his office. He was finishing up a conference call and she would let him know I was there when he was finished. I waited for fifteen minutes before she came to get me. Jake looked confused when I walked into his office and told me to sit down.

"Is everything okay?" He asked. I rarely came to his office, even when we were married.

"Yes," I assured him. "We just need to talk about Brady."

He nodded. "Yeah, he was not in a great mood when I dropped him off yesterday. Did something happen when he was out with his friends?"

"He heard you and Leah talking about the...baby," I whispered and his eyes closed. "And then Edward and I told him that I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant?" He smiled.

"Yeah. I'm due in February."

"Bella!" He stood up and gave me a tight hug. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," I smiled as we sat back down. "I think Brady feels like we're going to abandon him or something with two new babies."

He nodded. "I didn't think he was going to be home for at least another thirty minutes. I didn't even know Leah was taking the test, but I went into the bathroom without knocking and saw the test."

"Does she know how far along she is?"

"She has a doctor's appointment today," He said. "She doesn't think she's more than a month or two along because she's only missed one period."

"Congratulations to you too, Jake," I smiled. "You're going to be a dad again."

"Yeah," He nodded, looking excited and nervous all at the same time. He had the same look on his face when he found out I was pregnant. "You ever think we'd be having a baby at the same time but with other people?"

I laughed. "No. This is probably the weirdest coincidence ever."

"Leah's really nervous, but she's excited. She loves Brady and has always wanted to be a mom," He mused. "I'm going to propose to her tonight when she gets home from the doctor."

It didn't surprise me at all. Leah was perfect for Jake and he was so happy with her.

"That's great."

"And I was planning on proposing soon anyway, it's not just because of the baby," He told me. "I've had the ring for a month but wanted the moment to be right."

"If you love each other, every moment is the right moment."

He snickered. "That sounds like a Hallmark card."

"Shut up!" I laughed.

We spent the next twenty minutes talking about Brady and what we were going to do to make sure he would never be forgotten. We both agreed that we would have one night a week with him without Edward and Leah and that he could be as involved with the pregnancies that he wanted to be. We both also knew that he would love his new siblings no matter what because he had always wanted to be a big brother.

January 20, 2020

The next five months were a complete whirlwind. It took a while, but Brady realized that the new babies would never be his replacement and we would always love him no matter what. We continued with having a night with just him and Edward and Leah always respected that time.

Leah was seven weeks behind me and was due in late March. While we wanted the gender to be a surprise, Jake and Leah found out they were expecting a boy, and Brady couldn't have been happier. I knew he would love a new sister but he was excited to know he'd get to have one brother since he already had one sister.

Plus, with almost all his cousins being girls, he needed more guy time.

Not everything that happened had been a good thing, though. On a cold night in late November, Edward got the call that his father had a heart attack. It was probably the scariest thing we'd ever dealt with as a married couple and we waited three agonizing hours to get any more answers. We took the kids to Emmett and Kate's house to wait and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

The four of us sat at the table with all of our phones out in case they rang.

Thankfully, the heart attack was mild. It was the first time since their wedding that I saw Emmett cry and I shed a tear as I watched the brother's give each other a hug. We all decided to take a trip to Forks once Carlilse was released from the hospital to make sure he was okay. He looked tired, but he looked good.

Healthy.

We spent a lot of time as a family that weekend without distractions. No one touched their phones and clicked on social media. Brady and Caroline even limited their time online. We spent a lot of time playing board games and watching old Disney movies. Brady and Edward took turns playing the piano since Carlisle said that was his favorite thing to listen to while Caroline helped me make an updated photo album.

We thought it was a good idea to leave a few pages for the new baby who Carlisle was determined to meet. He said he wouldn't die until he got to meet and hold all his grandchildren and we all laughed at his determination.

After the heart attack, Carlisle and Esme made the trip to Seattle for Christmas and excitedly told us they would be moving here. They wanted to be closer and didn't want to miss any more time with everyone. Edward and Emmett took them house hunting the day after Christmas, although they didn't find a place until the day before Caroline's birthday.

It was a small, quaint house just big enough for them. The house was only fifteen minutes from both Emmett and Edward and had everything they wanted. It was fitted with two guest rooms so the grandkids could have sleepovers and had a gorgeous kitchen for Esme. That was her one thing she refused to give up in the downgrade and she got her wish.

Even after the heart attack, Carlisle refused to stop working. However, he did scale back his hours. He found a job at a small family medicine office that was close to home and could only hire him part-time. It was a great fit for him and Esme could really work from anywhere.

Things were working out perfectly and it was hard to believe that I had less than a month to go before the baby came.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Edward asked for the hundredth time as he threw some clothes in a duffle bag. "I can get Emmett to go?"

I laughed. "And leave Kate alone with a six-year-old, a three-year-old, and a five-month-old?"

"I'd be leaving you home alone with Brady and Caroline."

"Who are fourteen years old and can pretty much take care of themselves," I reminded him. "Honey, you're going to be three hours away. Not on the other side of the country."

"I just don't want to miss anything," He admitted as he sat down next to me and put his hand on my stomach. The baby kicked and he bent down to kiss that spot. "What if you go into labor early?"

I smiled as I pushed his hair out of his face. "The doctor doesn't think I'm going to. Plus my labor wasn't exactly quick when I had Brady. If I got into labor I think you'll make here in plenty of time," I told him. "And my mother lives fifteen minutes away, my brother is ten minutes away, and your brother is fifteen minutes away. I'll be taken care of until you could get here if anything happens."

"Are you just trying to get rid of me?" He smirked.

"Yes," I nodded. "Sweetie, your parents need your help. Please go spend a few days with them and help them pack up the house so they can move."

He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. "Don't have that baby while I'm gone."

"I'll cross my legs if I go into labor."

"Will that really work?"

"No!" I giggled as I pushed him up off the bed. He finished packing and we went downstairs. It was a Thursday morning so the kids were already in school. I could tell he wanted to tell Caroline the secret plan in case I went into labor again but he reluctantly got his coffee and I walked him to his car.

"I'll be fine," I assured him as we stood by his car. "It's four days, Edward."

"I love you," He whispered as he pulled me close. Well, as close as he could with my huge stomach in the way.

"I love you too," I leaned in to give him a kiss. He got in his car and I watched him drive away. Once he was gone, I padded my way back inside the house and went straight for the bathroom for a bubble bath. I soaked in the tub for a while and when I got out, I went and I sat in the nursery to get some work done.

It was comforting to sit in here.

When the kids got home, they busied themselves with their homework and I started making dinner. As I got more pregnant, my desire to do anything diminished. Edward had been doing a lot of cooking lately and I didn't want him being gone to mean we just ordered take out.

But I also knew if I didn't cook dinner early, I would be too tired later and we would just order take out.

The next day, the kids were home since their teachers had a bunch of meetings but they didn't bother me much. Caroline made me some breakfast in bed and when I looked out my bedroom window, I saw that Brady had shoveled and salted the sidewalk after we'd gotten a fresh blanket of snow.

Things were going really well without Edward around and I couldn't wait to tell him "I told you so" when he got back and everything was normal.

But, at around two o'clock, I knew I was going to have to eat my words. I was putting some more things away in the nursery when I felt a contraction. I'd been having contractions on and off for a few days, but not like this. This contraction was sharp and very painful. I stood where I was and breathed through it. I hoped it was just a fluke but then about eight minutes went by and there was another strong contraction.

I was going into labor.

I waddled back into my bedroom to lay down while I timed the contractions. I knew they were still pretty far apart and wouldn't need to go to the hospital until they were closer to five minutes apart. After three more contractions, I was certain I was in labor and called Edward.

"Hey, baby," He said when he answered. He sounded out of breath so I knew I'd interrupted their work.

"Hi," I said cautiously.

"What's up?"

"Don't panic."

"What's wrong?" He immediately panicked.

I sighed. "I'm pretty positive I'm in labor."

"You're what?"

"Calm down!" I insisted. "I'm having contractions. They're eight minutes apart."

"Okay," I could tell his brain was going a million miles an hour. "I'll be there in three hours."

I sighed. "It might be false labor."

"Bella, I'll be there in three hours," He repeated. "Mom and dad can hire a moving company. They're probably going to come with me."

"Yes, we are!" Esme laughed in the background.

We talked for a few more minutes before another contraction hit. I told him I would be fine but he insisted on calling my mom and Jasper. When he couldn't get in touch with them, he called Alice who left Nathan and Meredith with the elderly neighbor and rushed over to the house. When she got there, she assessed the situation and determined that this was not false labor.

She sat with me for an hour while my contractions got closer together and more painful. We knew if we went to the hospital right now they would send me home until they were closer together. Once I was five minutes apart, we made the decision to head to the hospital.

"Do you have your bag packed?" She asked as she helped me stand up.

"Yeah, it's been packed for a month," I laughed. She grabbed the bag while I grabbed my purse and we went downstairs.

"Mom?" Brady asked when we came downstairs. The two of them were watching TV and I hadn't told them I was in labor yet. "What's wrong?"

Caroline smiled. "Are you in labor?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"You're having the baby?" Brady muted the TV and looked at me with a very concerned look on his face. "Are you okay?"

I smiled at him. He was so sweet. "I'm good, sweetie."

"Can we come with you?" Caroline asked with those damn puppy dog eyes Edward was always warning me about. I looked at Alice and she just smiled.

"If you want to," I told her.

We piled into Alice's car and drove to the hospital. Brady and Caroline waited in the waiting room while I got situated and came to see me once I was in the gown and hooked up to all the monitors. Brady looked wary of everything but I promised him I was okay and so was the baby.

While the kids were with me, Alice left so she could call Edward. They sat with me and Caroline got into telling me the drama of her good friend, Sydney and Paul Westfield breaking up and getting back together twice during school yesterday. I personally thought they were too young to be dating but my kids hadn't shown much of an interest in that yet so I was content.

Her story was a good distraction while we waited for Alice to come back.

"He's about one hundred ten minutes away," She snickered. "He couldn't just say two hours."

Labor was way harder than I remembered. I was pretty sure I had repressed the memories of pain because I did not remember it being this painful. After another half an hour, Mom called Alice and they ended up switching places so she could go home and get Nathan and Meredith dinner and ready for bed. She also took Brady and Caroline with her because I could tell they were very bored and tired of waiting around.

"How're you doing, baby?" Mom asked as she sat down and held my hand.

I tried to smile. "I'm good."

"You're going to be a mom again," She smiled.

"I know," I bit my lip as another contraction hit.

Edward called as much as he could when he was in the road. I wished more than anything he wouldn't miss this but with the way I was progressing I was pretty sure he'd be here in plenty of times. Every time he called I told him I was fine and to focus on the road.

I didn't need him to get into an accident before he got to the hospital.

After hanging up with him when he was thirty minutes away, there was a knock on my door.

"Yeah?" I asked as mom wiped my forehead with a cool cloth and gave me some ice chips.

"Mom?" Caroline asked timidly as she and Brady walked in.

I smiled. "Hi, guys."

"How are you?" She asked as she sat down next to me. Brady stayed close to the door and he looked nervous.

"I'm okay," I told them. I looked at Brady and winked. "Really, I'm good?"

"Are you sure?" Brady looked close to tears.

Mom sensed this. "Care, why don't we go find something for the baby when he or she comes."

They both left the room and I told Brady to come sit with me. He sat down on the edge of the bed and he wouldn't look at me.

"What's going on?" I asked gently. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and his breathing was labored.

He looked away again. "Caroline told me once her mom died when she had Caroline."

"Oh."

"Are you going to die?"

"Sweetie," I grabbed his hand. "There are a lot of things that can happen when you have a baby, but most of the time it's wonderful."

"What if today is one of those times?"

"Brady, look at me," He looked up. "What happened to Caroline's mother was very sad and very unexpected. The chances of that happening again are very slim."

"But..."

"Look over there," I pointed to one of the monitors. "That machine shows my heartbeat and the babies heartbeat."

"Are they good?"

I nodded. "Both strong. Honey, I'm okay. The baby is okay."

"I love you, mom," He sniffled as he pulled me info r a big hug. I held my firstborn until I felt another contraction coming on. He wasn't ready to let go yet so I tried my best to suffer through in silence.

He eventually let go and I asked him to find Nana.

When mom and Caroline came back, Caroline handed me a stuffed bear and they sat with me for a while until my door flew open.

"Daddy!" Caroline smiled as she stood up and hugged him. He looked at me and his face was full of concern. I gave him a discreet thumbs-up and glanced over at my mom.

"I think it's time for you kids to get home," She said as she stood up.

"I wanna see the baby," Caroline pouted.

I shook my head. "You will see the baby. Tomorrow."

"Please can we stay?" she begged Edward. He looked at his watch and shook his head.

"You two need to get home, get some dinner, and get to bed."

"Bed?" Brady snickered. "It's Saturday."

Edward pulled both kids aside and I could hear him talking to them but I couldn't make out what he was saying. It was clear that the baby wasn't going to come until the early morning and I didn't want them waiting around for that to happen. They were going to stay with mom and Phil and would be the first ones to meet the baby.

After Edward talked to them, they both came over and gave me a hug. Brady lingered a bit longer than Caroline but after assuring him we would call, he left with my mom.

Edward finally had the chance to give me a kiss and grab my hand.

"You ready for this?" He asked as he nervously bounced his leg.

"I am," I nodded. "And I feel great. Very strong."

He smiled. "Good. Don't you go anywhere on me."

"I promise," I whispered as he kissed my forehead.

Song: Astronaut by Simple Plan