Chapter 26: Patronus Charms
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
Hermione blinked her eyes open sleepily, a smile creeping onto her face as a flash of platinum blond entered her vision. Her head was turned towards him, but they were both on their backs, just a few inches apart; his fingers interlaced with hers between them under the sheets and his leg draped over hers. This was exactly how they'd sprawled out the night before after their romp; hot, exhausted and euphoric. They'd talked for a bit about nothing as their breathing had slowed and their minds had drifted back down from the clouds, before falling into the most restful sleep Hermione had remembered having in years.
She turned onto her side, her free hand coming to rest on his chest as he stirred beside her. She realized this might be the first time she'd woken up before him, which in her assumption was because she didn't think he slept much at all, but she wanted to take advantage of it. She watched as his chest rose slowly up and down, taking in the peaceful look on his face. She let her eyes travel south with a grin as her hand brushed softly over his stomach, his muscles tensing under her touch as he shifted again with a soft hum. The sheets were thrown haphazardly over his lower body, his leg poking out the side.
She ran her hand back up as he finally stretched his free arm above his head with another hum, turning his head towards her and meeting her gaze with heavy eyes, "What time is it?" he mumbled.
"No idea," she responded contentedly.
He turned his body towards her, pulling her against him and resting his chin on the top of her head, "Well then I'm in no rush to find out."
They lay there for a while longer in and out of sleep before Hermione finally pulled away from him, "You remember what you agreed to do today, right?" she asked with a proud smile.
He grumbled before replying, "Yes, I remember."
"Good, well I caught a glimpse of the clock and its eight-thirty. We might want to get a move on before breakfast is cleared."
"Eight thirty?" Draco repeated, "I don't think I've slept this late in years."
"Guess I must have worn you out last night," she said coyly as she slipped out of bed and he watched her naked form walk across the floor towards the bathroom.
"You wore me out? Come on now, Granger, let's give credit where credit is due," he called back indignantly as she winked, shutting the door behind her.
Draco threw the sheets off, stretching once more before he climbed out of bed to get ready for a day he was sure he would not enjoy.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
The door to the Transfiguration classroom shut behind them as Hermione and Draco began moving desks out of the way to clear a good space to practice. She could tell Draco didn't have much faith in this session getting him any further along in successfully using the spell, but she felt quite the opposite. It had been a long time since he'd really tried and she wanted to think he was in a very different headspace now.
"Alright," she walked forward and grabbed his hands with her own with a deep breath, "It just takes concentration, positivity and a strong happy memory."
Draco stared back at her warily and she scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue at him.
"What on earth are you doing?"
"Come on, relax, let loose," she laughed, shaking out his stiff arms.
"This is nonsense, shaking me around isn't going to make me produce a patronus," he said, feeling even sillier, which he didn't need in a moment where he already felt embarrassed that he knew he was about to spend the afternoon failing at something.
"Draco, you've got to relax," Hermione said, leaning up on her tiptoes and kissing him, "This spell's power comes from within. It comes from the joy and positivity in your heart. You'll never make it work if you hold onto this notion that this is a waste of time and that you're not good enough or strong enough to do it. Believe you can."
"Fine, fine," he said, trying to push out the negativity in his mind. This was already going to be a long day, the least he could do was try not to take out his frustrations on Hermione. He closed his eyes, "Here I am, letting go of all of the negativity and thinking about rainbows and unicorns."
"Don't be a prat," Hermione said with a small perturbed smile, "Okay, now I want you to keep your eyes closed for a moment. Think of the happiest memory you can. Let it fill every bit of you—"
"You mean like I did to you last night?" He quipped, "Ouch!"
Hermione had slapped him lightly on the arm, "Come on, Draco, now is a time to focus."
He sighed, "Well you told me to relax and I'm trying."
She ignored him, "See your memory in your head, think about it, let it play."
They stood there in silence and she watched as a small smile crept onto his lips, hopefully from the memory he was focusing on.
"Alright, now I want you to harness all of that positivity from your memory and cast the charm. With purpose."
She let his hands fall from hers and he grabbed the wand out of his robes, opening his eyes with determination and taking a deep breath before he raised his wand into the middle of the room, "Expecto Patronum!"
Blue wisps emitted from the tip of his wand, but just like the last time, they fizzled before materializing into anything more. He sighed again, "Well fuck."
"Okay how about we sit for five minutes and just put yourself right into your memory. Be there, let it happen, rewatch it, be it."
"We just tried that."
"Just for a moment. Now I want you to really be there. Here, sit down," she motioned him towards one of the student desks. He sat begrudgingly and she stepped back, hopping up on top of one of the other desks, "Now let's sit here in silence for five minutes. I'll watch the time, you just close your eyes and put yourself into your happy memory. Find that place where you're comfortable and relaxed and positive and be there."
He only eyed her for another moment before he closed his eyes, he'd agreed to this after all, he'd have to give it a real shot. And so they sat as Draco tried to picture himself as a part of his memory. Be one with the memory, he thought, trying not to be condescending even as he thought it. Hermione grabbed the book she'd brought with them from the desk next to her and pulled it open to the section on Patronus charms, checking her clock every so often as she read through the text, trying to think of some different methods that might help him if this didn't work.
"Okay," she said when the time elapsed, "Don't let your mind deviate from the place you're in, just stand and cast."
Draco stood and raised his wand, opening his eyes at the last minute before casting the incantation again.
But the results were the same.
"Hm, alright," Hermione said, "Take a seat again, let's talk this out."
Draco leaned against the desk closest to him, crossing his arms in defeat.
"Do you mind sharing what memory you're thinking of?"
"I was just trying to think back to when I was little, one evening I remember in particular, sitting in bed while my mother read me The Fountain of Fair Fortune. Something innocent and happy. Not muddled by anything else going on in my life."
"Tell me about the memory. Walk me through it."
"Well, I'm about six and I'm sitting there in bed with my toy snitch that's zooming around my head for me to catch every few seconds, my mother opens the door and asks if I'd like to hear a story and I get excited and say yes. She comes in and sits on the end of my bed with The Tales of Beetle the Bard and starts reading as I set the snitch on the nightstand and sit up to listen. The story's not long so she reads it in a few minutes and then tucks me in to go to sleep."
"What happens after that?"
"That's all I thought about, that's the memory."
"Yes, but right after that do you remember anything else about that night?"
"Similar to a lot of nights, she walks into the hall and my door clicks shut and I can hear my father berating her about reading to me and how I should be reading for myself because bedtime stories are for children."
"But you were six?" Hermione tilted her head to the side.
"Yes, and my father had ensured I could read by the time I was four and thought it was childish to expect my mother to read to me after that. They'd argue in whispers out in the hall back and forth for a minute before they would walk off down the hall to their room."
"So maybe the reason that memory isn't working for the Patronus charm is that it's not entirely encompassed by pure happiness," Hermione said, "I was reading here that even if a memory is happy, sometimes the setting around the memory or the negative impact of things happening directly before or after can cause it to be ineffective if those events have left as deep of an impression as the happy memory. It sounds like this was a recurring happy memory that has a recurring negative event directly after, so perhaps that's why it's not working."
"It's the happiest moment I've got from my childhood, the other happy memories I thought of were all a bit selfish or vain and they didn't feel pure enough to begin with; getting expensive gifts, attending fancy events, things like that which are inherently happy memories but negated by privilege."
Hermione couldn't disagree with those memories not being powerful enough to try so she flipped her book open and skimmed the next few pages, "It looks like maybe early childhood memories in general can be tough to produce a patronus because they're not ingrained enough in your mind. We see snippets as opposed to full scenes or memories to pull happiness from," she closed the book, "In other words although you see your mother reading to you, you can't hear the words she's saying in your mind because your brain didn't retain that information from so long ago, just the image that it happened and the general circumstances."
"Alright, well…" his face scrunched up a little as he sat in thought, "What kind of memory does your book say I should draw from then?"
"Something you can feel to your bone. Something you can see and hear and pull the positivity from. So real you can almost touch it. Is there anything in your more recent memory that you can draw from? After the war maybe? You and your mother being exonerated in your trials and seeing a second chance ahead, being accepted to work with a renowned potions master doing something you're passionate about, being welcomed back to Hogwarts? Think of something pivotal that's happened and changed your way of thinking. Something that pulled you out of the dark."
Draco looked up to meet her eye. She looked so genuinely engaged in helping him through this; So determined for him to accomplish something that had been weighing on him as a failure. And for no other reason than because she cared for him; She wanted to see him succeed.
"Yeah, okay, let me try something different," he said, his voice oddly more relaxed. He stood up from the chair and walked over to her, placing his hands on either side of her on the desk as she looked questioningly back at him before he pressed his lips to hers. It was soft and there was no need behind it; nothing he was trying to gain, nowhere he was trying to get. It was just a loving gesture of affection. She raised her hands to cup his cheeks, sighing inaudibly as his head tilted in the other direction and he kissed her again, letting his mind clear, letting himself be here in the moment.
He stepped back with a grin, pulling his wand from his robes and he cleared his throat, pointing his wand towards the middle of the room as he let the new memory he'd chosen fill his thoughts, "Expecto Patronum!"
The blue wisps came more forcefully out of his wand, materializing together into a rough, blurred shape. It flew through the air, doing a somersault of sorts before it fizzled again.
"Did you see what it was?!" He asked, his voice full of surprise and excitement, "I didn't quite catch it, I don't think it was full form, but it was definitely something."
"It was definitely something!" She beamed, "I think if you keep working at it, we're going to get there. That was such great improvement. How about you sit and think for five minutes again. Think hard on your new memory, be one with it, and try again."
Draco sat, a grin etched on his face, and put himself into his memory before trying again. He went through the process eight or nine more times, each one clearer than the last, thinking deeper on his memory with each reflection period and smiling broader with each try. Finally, another hour or two later, it happened.
He was exhausted, his energy was draining, but his adrenaline from the progress was absolutely soaring. He felt one with the memory; Like he could see every detail in his mind, hear every inflection on every word, drink in the sensations around him. He pointed his wand into the room and cast the spell once more with everything he had, "Expecto Patronum!"
Out soared a dragon- a Chinese Fireball, from the looks of it - wings spread proudly and mouth open as blue flames protruded from its mouth. Draco's lips broke into an uncharacteristic smile of elation as he whipped his wand around and the Dragon flew through the classroom. Hermione was jumping up and down and clapping next to him and they watched together as it flipped midair and glided back towards them, dissipating as Draco lowered his wand.
"My patronus is a dragon," he said matter-of-factly, turning his head towards her with a smug smile on his face, "I know what my patronus is, and it's a bloody fire-spitting dragon."
Hermione jumped on him as he caught her around the middle and she kissed him fiercely. He laughed as they broke apart and he set her down, "Thank you for your help today. I couldn't have done this without you."
"What was your memory?" She'd been wanting to ask for hours but his momentum and progress had been so fluid since he'd reconsidered his approach that she'd let him flow with it without interrupting except when giving pointers or reading out excerpts from her book that might help.
"You," he said simply, "That first night you came to my room and told me you'd been falling for me all year. The night I kissed you for the first time. The night everything felt like it turned around and like there was something worth living for. Really living life for. A reason to be a better person, to push myself harder, to work through my darkness instead of falling back on it when I don't want to push anymore. I thought of that moment that you told me you wanted to know me and understand me and explore this connection we had. You made me feel like more than who my past had set me up to be. It was the first time I felt like I could be more than just an ex-death eater."
Hermione felt the corners of her eyes wet but she blinked it back, pulling him back down to her for a sufficient snog at his sweet words. When she finally pulled back she ran her thumb down his cheek, "I hope you know I still stand by everything I said that night. I still want to continue learning everything that makes you who you are and I'm still absolutely invigorated by exploring the connection I have with you."
"Well that I certainly know," he gave her a very Draco-esque smirk and she couldn't help her very Hermione-esque eye roll.
"So are you ready to teach the Patronus charm to the students next week?"
"Well first I'm ready to beat you in a duel this week, and then I'll be ready to teach this lovely spell I just learned," he said, stealing one more kiss.
"Good luck with that first part," she replied airily before they began righting to room to call it a day.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o
However, as luck would have it, Draco did win the duel that week, bringing their scoreboard to 2-2. He'd bested Hermione with a strong Confundus charm that had caused her to aim her next jinx at the book shelf as Draco slipped behind her with an Expelliarmus. She'd laughed at his tactic, a solid plan if she'd ever seen one. As they'd grown closer they'd learned each other's train of thought and the duels had gotten longer as they anticipated the next moves. This had forced them both to spend the rest of that Sunday apart, studying dueling techniques they could surprise each other with. This time, Draco's had panned out and Hermione vowed to get him back at the end of March.
They'd told the students about their decision to teach the Patronus charm and a buzz of excited whispers had broken out that had been hard to quell. Some were nervous about the complexity, but every one of them couldn't stop talking about what they thought their patronus might be and how long they thought it would take to master.
The first meeting on patronus charms was held the next week and they had been decently surprised to walk in to an extra ten students or so. The theater room felt packed, but packed with students who were excited to learn. That meeting included a lot of instruction from Hermione and Draco on wand movements, techniques, memories and theory. However no one had seemed to mind the lecture as they soaked in the ins and outs of the spell.
Draco had shown the spell first, as Hermione insisted — he'd spent the last week practicing it a few times a day and it felt almost second nature now to pull from the feelings that memories of Hermione sent through him and cast that force into his dragon.
Hermione had sent her otter out to join his dragon and they'd floated joyfully around the room for a minute as the students oo'd and ah'd.
There had been some blue wisps that day, but no fully formed patronuses, as anticipated. But none of the students seemed put off, if anything, they seemed determined as they filed out of the room that evening, talking about the kinds of memories they were pulling from and what they'd try next time.
As they wandered back towards the dungeons, Draco grabbed her hand to swing lightly with his, "My mother sent a letter that she's available next weekend to meet us in Hogsmeade," he told her, looking sideways at her and keeping his voice even.
"Oh," Hermione said with surprise. She knew this was coming sooner or later but it had slipped her mind for the last few weeks as everything else had played out, "Wonderful, well, we'll meet your mother next weekend then," she gave him a reassuring smile that he returned as best he could.
He was nervous, but mostly nervous just to get it out of the way and have them meet. It had been a couple of weeks now since his father's message and it would be almost a month since then by the time she actually did meet his mother. He just hoped Lucius would stay out of it long enough for them to get past this hump.
"Great, I'll send her a response then. She's going out to Nice this weekend with Mrs. Parkinson or else she'd have come sooner."
"No matter," Hermione said, "Next weekend works just as well. This will be good. Though I do think you should tell her it's me she's meeting."
Draco was quiet for a moment, "I keep going back and forth as to what would go smoother."
"I think letting her handle the shock in private and prepare for our public outing would probably be best."
Draco internally debated this for another few seconds before he conceded, "Yes, yes you're probably right. I'll tell her before our meeting."
"Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger, good evening," McGonagall was walking through the entrance hall as they entered from the stairs.
"Good evening headmistress," Hermione smiled and Draco nodded in greeting as they all stopped in the middle of the hall.
"I heard you're working on Patronus charms in the dueling club?" She sounded interested.
"Yes, we thought it would be something advanced that they could really take with them from the club," Hermione told her, "It's not exactly dueling, but it's still a form of protection."
"A wonderful thing to learn, especially at this age. What a great idea. And Mr. Malfoy, am I correct in hearing that your patronus is a dragon?"
"Word certainly does travel fast," he quipped with a grin.
"Ah yes, well I just passed Patrick Willoughby heading down to the Hufflepuff common room and he stopped to tell me all about it."
Hermione laughed, "I'm sure he did, he's an excitable one."
"Well I can't wait to hear how it goes. Anyway, I am off to bed," she patted Hermione on the shoulder as she walked past them towards the staircases.
They began walking forward towards the dungeons when McGonagall's voice chimed in again.
"Ms. Granger, I believe Gryffindor Tower is the other way," she said with a certain amused inflection in her voice and a twinkle in her eye.
"Right, of course," Hermione said, feeling her cheeks tinge pink. She leaned up and kissed Draco quickly on the cheek, "Goodnight."
Draco tried to stifle his laugh, "Goodnight," he called as she followed McGonagall up the stairs and he turned back for the dungeons with a sigh. McGonagall had stressed that only engaged or married couples were supposed to be living or spending the night together as professors when they'd had their meeting, but she'd said it in a way where it was clear she knew that wouldn't always be the case. However when they were so blatantly headed to the same room together after curfew, he was sure she felt it was her obligation to remind them of the rules. He skipped down the steps as he descended, eager to get through the next couple of weeks.
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