chapter 28: amends

Taki- 18 July

I sit up on the edge of my bed and take a quick glance at the clock.

8.30 AM.

My heart is racing. I just woke up, and usually, I'm tired from having slept late the previous night, which I did. But adrenaline is washing through my veins like a tidal wave and I feel the strange sense of deja vu, of that time, long ago, when I first went on an overseas holiday. That same excitement. That same feeling. Strangely enough, I'm feeling it again. I fumble around for my phone and turn it on, my eyes adjusting to the sudden bright light. The word 'Mitsuha' flashes across the screen in my notifications, and my mind instantly snaps to attention. Thoughts of visiting her and asking her how she is fills my mind within a matter of seconds.

After the events of the previous day, I begin to realise that maybe I can help her recover, that I can recover from my past mistakes and make amends. That I can reverse everything that I've done. It's not all hopeless. There's a golden opportunity, and I can't miss it now.

I immediately pull out my wallet and check its contents: 10,000 yen. That's good enough, I say. I can't tell if I'm convincing myself or speaking the truth. Despite all this, I'm still nervous to meet her. I might mess it all up again. I might cause the matter to escalate. I might worsen everything.

I'm scared. I have no idea what to do. She is perfect, inside, and outside. Me, being the stupid man that I am, viewed her as imperfect when what I was viewing, was really my own flaws. My flaws prevented me from seeing the truth, prevented me from seeing her flawlessness. I was the problem.

But I have to make amends. I need to do something. I know we only just met each other a few weeks ago, but I need to help her, especially after I am partly to blame for this entire situation. It's my moral duty to help her, especially when things started to turn for the better after I accompanied her to one of the therapy sessions...

I type out my message to her and click send, hoping that it doesn't sound too awkward. I pace about my room, waiting for a response. I repeatedly tell myself how unrealistic it seems: to invite a person you barely know out and expecting an instant reply. Should I delete the message? Should I have said something when we last met while leaving the therapy session? Should I...

After about 10 minutes of pacing around the room, my phone beeps.

She agrees.