A/N: I was mid chapter revision when everything happened. I've gone back and forth about continuing this because my heart, like many of yours is broken. Then I thought about it, Naya was unflinching, uncompromising, and steadfast in her love for Santana Lopez and all her fans. How could I give up on that? So the rewrite continues, maybe with a pinch less suffering. ;)
Feel free to message me if you need to talk or vent.
I love you, my dear readers and I hope you're taking time to love up on yourselves and those around you. Life is too short to squander. -N.R. (-my actual initials)
Chapter 66: More Than Enough (Alina Baraz)
Once Ian had staked his claim on my now and future offspring as his own, he seemed satisfied and sober enough to go cut the grass. It was at least a three hour undertaking and I had no intention of being there for it, why Mami felt the need to ask this of him was beyond me. We could afford professionals and Ian had his own shit going on.
"Why did you agree to cut the grass?" I asked as I made myself a cup of tea. He was hovering by the island, tracing circles on the counter with his finger his eyes dazed.
"Um...do you remember what I told you about my uncle?" He asked, when I turned to look at him I could see the glassiness in his eyes.
"How he...ra...assaulted you?" I said, feeling nauseous as I thought about someone hurting Ian of all people, he was fucking cinnamon roll. "It's not happening again, is it?"
He looked at me and in that moment I knew, he was hanging onto me and my family for dear life.
"Do you think your mom would let me stay here?" He asked, his voice low.
"I want to say yes, shit, I'd even pay for you to stay in my apartment but how do you know you'll be safe?"
"It's not um...for me...it's for-" He began to say but then my phone went off and I picked it up instead of listening to him.
"Britt, can I call you back?"
"This can't wait. I need you to get here as soon as possible."
"What? Why?"
"It's your mom, she's in the hospital."
"Oh God...is it serious?"
"Are you okay to drive?"
"Um, yeah. I'll be there." I was shaking now as I stared into Ian's eyes and I watched him close right back up and focus in on me. "On second thought, maybe I should fly. Um...is that okay? Just tell me the info."
"Give me the phone, drink your tea." Ian said holding his hand out. Normally I would argue or put my foot down but this wasn't about me. He was stepping up when I was imploding.
"Do you uh, know why my father's office is locked? Maybe where the key might be...I need to use his computer to book a flight."
He pulled out a set of keys and handed them to me while he spoke to Brittany.
I held tight to my mug and the keys as I walked back to the study.
When I unlocked it, I saw that everything exactly as he left it and I let out a sob.
There was no way I could have driven in this state, it would be hard just to make it to the airport at this rate.
Queuing up Papi's laptop, it took me all of five seconds to crack his password 'Maribel' which was the first name that Mami never used. It had been the name of her father's mother, a racist who hated the fact that Mami had ended up with a man that could pass for black. When she was disowned by her, she swore to never use that name again. Papi thought it was brilliant because it'd been so long that most people had no idea that was her real name but I knew.
His background was a picture of the five girls and him and Mami. It had been a rare picture taken on Papi's last birthday. My eyes looked haunted as I tried to smile, it was before coke and marriage and babies. Even then, I looked like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Then I looked at Mami, her eyes staring at my father and I broke, the tears came and I muddled through getting a flight to Chicago, it left in an hour and half, so we'd need to leave soon. I took the time to send the picture of all of us to my phone before shutting the down the laptop and relocking the door.
When I got back to the kitchen, Ian had his shirt on and a baseball cap pulled down low. The brims of his eyes looked red but dry.
"Ready to go?"
"Are you okay to drive?" I asked and he nodded.
"Duty calls, I'm incredibly sober right now. How are you?"
"A wreck, did she tell you what happened?"
"She collapsed in the middle of the gallery, they are running tests now. You are next of kin so getting you there is paramount."
"Okay."
I handed him his keys and then we walked out to Papi's old car and I felt a knot form in my stomach.
Oh God, I could not lose her.
Fuck.
What the last thing I said to her?
Had I been a better daughter?
What if this was it?
Ian drove much faster than he had a few weeks ago, I reached out to touch his thigh and he jerked the car.
"Shit, don't...maybe it's too soon for you to touch me so close to my...you know."
I lifted my hand and put it back on my own lap.
"I'm sure it's okay if you stay at the house, Ian."
"Forget it, now with this going on, I don't want to offload my problems onto your mom. I've survived this long. It will be okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Because-" I began but then he slammed his hand on the steering wheel and I shrunk back.
PTSD is a motherfucker.
"I'm sorry okay, I just...can we talk about something else?"
"Do you know why the door was locked?"
"What?"
"To Papi's office, the door is never locked."
"Marco, he has the override code to the alarm system in the house. Your mom was worried he'd go through your father's office and find something only the two of them knew about."
"Like what a secret door?" I snorted but Ian nodded.
"Yeah, that's it exactly. Your dad had his own secrets and your mom plans to protect them. I don't know what they are but she gave me the keys just in case you needed something in there."
"Oh. That's interesting."
"I don't ask questions. She gives me reasons to stay out of my house, I try not to do anything to mess that up."
"Shit, did you want to come with me? I know you're close to Mami too."
"I wish I could but I need to be close to home."
"Oh."
"Can you not mention any of this to anyone? Please?"
"Sure, you got it."
"Thanks."
Send me your flight number. Gonna meet u at airport-Britt Britt
Sending now.-Lolli
I love you, baby-Britt Britt
I love you too! So fucking much-Lolli
Once I was on the plane, I closed my eyes and fell asleep through take off and landing. I was being shaken awake almost as soon as I fell asleep. The flight had only been an hour, how had I just slept through it all?
I gathered myself and followed the flight attendant off the empty plane and walked like a zombie through the terminal until a blur of blonde was running towards me. The moment, I was surrounded by Britt, I felt stronger. The tears wouldn't come because that wasn't what this moment called for.
When we climbed into my car, I saw Quinn sitting in the backseat with her lip trapped between her teeth.
"Hey, sweets." She said, rubbing at my arm. I squeezed her hand and then brushed away a rebel tear.
"How bad is it?"
"From the way they were talking, I think it might be a heart attack but they haven't talked to anyone. Not even Celia, they insist on her next of kin."
"That's idiotic."
"I know but rather than argue, we just needed to get you here. Mari is flying in later today."
"Thanks."
Britt sat in the driver seat and whizzed through the streets like a pro and then I remembered that she was born here, most of her family was here and this was where she spent holidays and summers all of her life. She knew exactly where she was going. When I touched her lap, she smiled and started humming that song.
Then Quinn joined in and finally, I was able to let out a complete breath.
By the time we go the hospital, Celia had wormed her way into Mami's room by proving that I was on my way. Mami had me listed as her next of kin and when Celia literally got me on the phone, they allowed her in the room. I showed my id and then the doctors were gabbing like overexcited politicians.
It had been a minor heart attack, they said her history was pretty good but the immense stress that she'd been under had played a factor.
For weeks she'd been taking care of me and Isaac, She'd been taking medication as a precaution and it had set off a bunch of things that had led her to this moment.
When I walked into her room she was watching her novela with her glasses on. Her hands were clenched in her lap and she looked insanely small and tired.
"Mami, you should be resting." I said and when she saw my face, the tears came for us both.
"I was waiting for you, mi'ja." She whispered.
I wrapped my arms around her and took in that scent that was so uniquely hers. She sniffed and then let me go. My body felt tired and sore, this had been the second long day in a row and I knew that the moment I found a bed, I'd be dead to the world.
The doctors came in to talk to us about next steps and being in a stress free environment. Which honestly, meant less time around me. She'd been traveling for months and there was no issues but she'd been with me for just a few weeks and I'd nearly killed her. I was deep in my self deprecation but I tried not to show it. Mami held tight to my hand as we listened to the doctor.
"Any questions?"
"How soon can I fly?" Mami asked.
"Maybe a few weeks, you want to have a follow-up with your primary to get cleared to fly."
"Okay. Thanks doctor."
When he left, I turned to Mami with my eyebrow raised.
"Flying?"
"I talked to your sister before you got here and she made some good points about being still for awhile. She offered for me to spend my recuperation time with her."
"In California?"
"Mi'ja, I will stay until you graduate but when you go to rehab, I think I'll go stay with Damariz for awhile."
"What about New York? I have a whole house!"
"Santana, I need to get away from Lima and New York. I need a change of scenery. Your sister lives on an orchard and is removed from the city. She and her husband are doctors. I couldn't be in better hands that aren't Aden's." She got choked up and my heart ached for her.
"Okay, Mami. I understand."
"Good. Now, tell me about last night."
I felt my heart racing because, there's no way Britt told them.
"What?"
"Oh yes, Brittany left out of here to go have a rendezvous with you, she got back here when we were having a late breakfast blushing."
"It was much needed alone time."
"Good. So are you reconciled?"
"Pretty much."
"Good. I need you to have a boring life from here on out, can you do that?"
"I will try my best."
"Bueno. Now turn up that television and leave me for a bit. I do need some rest."
"Are you sure?"
"I don't want you watching me sleep, it's creepy. Go spend time with the girls, maybe go buy a prom dress."
"Prom?"
"She's going to ask you, it's in a couple days. Chicago has better stores than Lima, go shop."
"Do you want anything?"
"Surprise me." She said with her eyes drifting closed.
"Te amo, Mami."
"Que Dios te bendiga, amor."
When I left Mami's room, I felt a flash of anger and then I was in tears as I sank into one of the chairs outside her room. Britt was rushing me seconds later and kneeling in front of me. I felt her fingers on my chin and I knew she was staring at me but I wouldn't open my eyes. I needed this moment to get my shit together.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I grumbled.
"Santana, look at me."
"No."
"Is my sister about to throw a tantrum?" I heard Celia snark from wherever the fuck she was standing.
"Brittany, sweetie why don't you take Santana back to the apartment and let her rest. If Gladys needs anything, I'll give the doctor her number." Susan said, sounding just as tired as I felt.
"Yeah cuz I'm not good for anything else." I grumbled.
"Okay grumpy pants, I'm taking you to Celia's. It's only two streets away, so we can walk there. Okay?"
"Fine."
Britt had her arm over my shoulders as we walked the two blocks to my sister's apartment. I hadn't ever seen it so I didn't know what to expect. We headed towards the gallery but then took a quick left just past all the glass windows and I followed Britt into a side door. Back when I was dividing the money and Celia said she barely needed her share but she'd hold onto it for a rainy day, I thought she was being weird. Then I saw just how exorbitant her three bedroom apartment was. It had windows on all sides and gorgeous furniture.
"Wow." I said.
"Yeah, that's what mom and I said yesterday and I think Quinn said something like fuck this is hot." She chuckled. "I think this place seduced her because she's been attached to Celia since we got here."
"She's smitten."
"Now that we are alone, do you want to tell me why you're acting pissy...what did your mom say?"
"I'm allowed to act pissy, my mom just had a fucking heart attack!" I snapped at her and waited for her to get mad but instead she kicked off her shoes and unbuttoned her jeans. "What are you doing?"
"You need angry sex. She made you mad. This is about more than the heart attack. Come on, I'll let you get me off and top me and everything."
"What do I get out of that?"
"Control. It's a limited time offer."
"Well no fucking thank you. I had enough sex last night and this morning." I said as I poked around in Celia's kitchen, knowing full well I had just alluded to sleeping with Frankie and her. "What the fuck?!" I shrieked as Britt picked me up in a bear hug and walked with us down the hallway. By the time she kicked the door closed, her jeans were stuck around her knees, making walking extra difficult and when I saw, I burst into giggles. "You're insane."
She flinched and then I realized that being crazy was on that level with being stupid...shit.
"You're being mean." She said, sticking out her lip.
"Uh uh, there's no way that love to be in control Brittany...the woman who likes to be called Daddy is sticking her lip out at me!" I threw myself into her arms and began to kiss her neck, then her chin until finally I sucked one of her lips into my mouth. When she groaned, I purred in her ear. "You like that, B?"
"Mmmhmm."
I pushed away, walked towards the window, leaving her standing there frustrated. She let out a growl and I couldn't help my smirk.
"Santana!"
I had my arms wrapped around myself as I looked out at the city, feeling melancholy settle over me. I heard the sound of her shuffling, probably with her jeans pooling around her ankles now which made me smile fully. God, I love her.
Help me be better at showing that.
Her chin rested on my shoulder and then her arms were around my waist. Just like that I felt unwrapped and bare before her.
"Do you ever just feel so tired of everything, B...not like suicidal or anything because I'd miss me way too much but like the whole world just feels heavy. Like no matter how much you do, the rug can get ripped from beneath your feet at any second?"
"When I'm between medicines, yeah."
I turned my head enough to kiss her face and then rubbed my hands over hers.
"Promise me then, that when you find a good medicine that you take it so you don't have to feel like that."
"I promise."
"Good."
"Talk to me about what's going on."
"I need to tell you something and I need you to let me know if it's too much."
"Okay."
"Ian kissed me this morning, he was feeling way too many things and I think the comfort of me was what he wanted and if it had been last night, I would have let him join in with me and Frankie just to spite you."
"Ouch."
"I straightened him out and I am pretty sure Marco is finished with me. I had the car searched by Padrino and Marco had returned that brown paper bag to me. You remember the one."
"Yeah."
"This morning, I felt so pulled to that car in a way that unsettled me. I want to live, Britt. I want to be here for our son. I want to be here for this new little nugget. The only way for me to do that is to take care of myself better. I know prom is this week and graduation is right after, I know my birthday is coming but I won't be going."
She spun me around until we were eye to eye.
"Why not?"
"I can't waste anymore time, when we get back to Lima, I'm going straight to rehab."
"No." She said staring me in the eyes.
"What do you mean, no?"
"You deserve your prom and to graduate. Everyone deserves to graduate unless...do you feel like you're going to get high if I leave you alone for too long?"
"I don't know. Right in this moment, the idea of getting high makes my stomach turn but who's to say that won't change? You know me, B. A lot can happen in a week."
"Have you prayed about it?"
I felt stuck as I stared up at her. Never in all of our time together has she ever asked me that question and when you're pretty sure you've got a person figured out and they throw some shit at you like that...well it takes a moment.
For me, it takes about five moments before I close my mouth and smile softly at her.
Just when we couldn't get any gayer and I couldn't love her anymore, she does this.
"I haven't and you're right, maybe I should." I hold my hand out to her, "Will you pray with me?"
Now it's her turn to hesitate but she's much faster than me.
Always faster.
"Of course."
So, instead of coming into this room to have angry sex, we prayed.
And when the door creaked open not long after, I was grateful that Britt had the presence of mind to pull her pants back on because in came the heavy foot fall of Quinn's boot.
Followed by more steps.
And just like in our old Bible camp meetings, from way back when I gave a shit about regular church attendance. Britt and I found ourselves in a prayer circle.
They didn't know what we were praying about but that didn't matter.
Having my village around me, was all that ever mattered.
I was hungry after we prayed and the moment we finally finished, I pushed past everyone and headed back to the kitchen.
"Sis, I hope you have food cuz I'm starving." I said to her as I opened her fridge like it was my own and I was not disappointed.
Britt and Q stood beside me as I pulled out the fixings for a sandwich, both of them smirking.
"Baby, why don't you sit and let me make that for you." B said.
"Me too, right?" Q asked.
"Oh oh, and me too?" Celia chimed in.
Britt rolled her eyes.
"Sure."
As we sat eating, I felt a calm settle over me.
For so long, I have felt like I needed to hold my family up and together but I needed to follow Marco's advice. I needed to be more selfish.
I needed to put myself first.
Rehab was a definite. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. I could not take my demons to New York with me.
But maybe B was right, maybe I deserved to have some enjoyment before I focused on my sobriety.
"Can we go for a drive, B?" I ask and she nods as she polishes off her sandwich.
She takes the keys to our car off the hook and tells everyone to not wait up, not even bothering to clean up the kitchen but my sister doesn't grumble. Susan had stayed at the hospital with Mami, so I was sure that Celia was excited to get some alone time with Q.
I could tell by the way they shooed us out the door, that they were going to get down and dirty.
Good for them.
Once I was alone in the car with B, she was staring out the windshield but hadn't put the car in drive. I put a hand on her thigh and she looked at me with sad eyes.
"What's up, B?"
"Just do it already." She sighed.
"Do what?"
"End things for good."
I leaned across the console and kissed her lips, then I hovered there looking straight into her eyes.
"You are still my endgame, B. We rushed things before and maybe in a way it's good because life is short and tomorrow isn't promised but at the same time, there's just stuff we don't know about each other. I want to date you. Even if you put a ring on my finger again, I still want to date you. You were right. We're young, so why rush?"
"So we're not over?"
"Not unless you want to be."
"I want us."
"Good...so why don't you show me where you grew up and then maybe we can go shopping for prom dresses?"
"Really? You want to go to prom? With me?"
"Are you asking?"
"Will you be my prom date?"
"A million times, yes."
When Mari got to Chicago and assured me that there was nothing else that needed to be done for Mami, Britt and I drove home alone. Quinn was coming back with Susan and Celia the next day, they had connected and wanted to spend another day in the city.
Even though it was clean the N.I.C.U day, nurse Becky had scored us sometime alone with the wonder kid.
Isaac was extra happy to see us and it warmed my heart so much.
The need to be with him and take care of him had grown exponentially. I finally felt all those fierce mom genes kick in and I knew with all of my heart, that there was nothing I wouldn't do for my babies.
On the way home, we picked up Ian and he and Britt cleaned out the old car before sending him back home. His eyes seemed less haunted and it was almost like he was back to his old self.
"Promise me that when I go to rehab that you two will go see the baby as much as you can."
"Won't they let you see him?" Ian asked. "Like before?"
"It's a more intense program, no outside contact for the whole 28 days. We will be in the same building but I won't see him, no."
Britt wrapped me in her arms as I felt the tears come down but I pulled away and looked at Ian again. "Promise me."
He nodded. "I promise."
"Good. Now, go take your car home. I'll transfer the title this week and it will be all yours."
"Awesome. Thanks for this."
The night of Prom was magical for me and Britt. We had gone so long with all the drama that we hadn't really been able to just enjoy each other's company. Mami had been cleared to take the trip to California but was waiting for our graduation before she went, which meant my sister was at the house with her and I knew that with Mari hovering she'd be in better shape than going it alone. It allowed me some peace, to know that I wasn't causing her any more undo stress.
So with her taken care of and the car gone, thanks to Ian taking it off my hands, me and B were really able to enjoy each other. We spent the whole week between the Frankie incident and Prom night at the hospital with Isaac when we weren't taking finals.
He was getting better but the doctors wanted to keep him an extra week just to make sure that he was strong enough. That of course meant that I would probably be in rehab when he was finally able to be home, but Britt wouldn't let me think too long on that because it always led me to tears.
She was certain that I should at least wait until my birthday and I was teetering towards going along with what she said, just to be able to spend some time with my son outside of the hospital.
It was great to see him actually smiling and breathing without the twitch or the wheezing.
We were able to go off that night feeling like our son was cared for and not be guilty about enjoying ourselves. Britt had put herself on restriction and had blocked Frankie's number from her phone as well. I just hope that would be enough for the both of them. I could see that she was making a serious effort to be the wife that she had originally set out to be.
Unlike Quinn's purple monstrosity, I wore a classic red dress and Britt wore a suit jacket with nothing under it paired with these white slacks that cupped her ass perfectly.
"We look like wedding toppers." She said to me when she saw me in my dress for the first time.
"But I'm in red." I said to her as I gave her a pair of my sunglasses to finish off her look.
"A devilish cake topper then. " She said, kissing me as we walked towards the gym.
"Even better." I said back and then we were under the archway and flashes were going off. Britt hunched down looking way too fine as she looked up at me.
"If I had your ring, I'd propose right now." I shivered as she pushed the glasses up and shot me a look.
Then there was throat clearing behind me.
I turned to snap at my friend but had to look down because she was in a wheelchair. She looked beautiful and just behind her was Rachel with a smirk.
"What's with the chair?"
"Her doctor informed her yesterday that she has spent too much time on her feet in the boot."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I still plan to dance tonight."
"Maybe Wheels can give you some pointers." I quipped as we walked into the gym and Britt leaned in, nipping at my ear.
"Be nice, baby."
"That was nice."
"Dance with me?" Britt asked as I returned from the bathroom after standing too close to the chocolate fountain. Apparently, this baby didn't like the scent or even look of chocolate, which meant this was going to be a very long pregnancy.
"Yea...just, let's dance far away from that evil fountain."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes...I just want chocolate...why is the baby torturing me?" I said with tears in my eyes.
"The baby is not picking on you. Come on...our song is about to come on."
Rachel stepped onto the stage as the last song ended and clapped lightly before taking to the mic.
"Hello...senior classmates. This song goes out to Santana Lopez from her adoring wife Brittany."
I thought it would be Songbird, but Quinn rolled up to the microphone and began to sing my favorite Amy Winehouse song...the song that I wanted to sing to Brittany at Regionals.
Our Day Will Come.
As Quinn sang the song to us I smiled into Britt's shoulder and I placed a hand on her bare back pulling her closer.
"I can't believe you remembered this song."
"I know everything about you Ana. I may act a little out of it most of the time, but I do pay attention. Besides...don't you feel like our day has finally come? We are going to start living our city dream in a month from today."
"I can't believe it."
"Well start believing."
"I love you B."
"Always and only you Ana. What's done is done. Let's live forward and not backwards anymore. Okay?"
"Okay!"
After prom when all the losers were trying to get hotel rooms, I went home with my wife and got down on one knee while she was kicking off her shoes.
"What are you doing?" She said, looking at me all goofy.
"Sal submitted the papers, as of tomorrow we will officially be married...I just wanted to know if you'd put this ring back on my finger, wife?"
"Really?" She said, pulling me back to my feet and kissing me hard. I moaned into the kiss and then pulled back.
"So?"
She took the ring from me, the one that I had to practically beg Mami for just a few days before. Enduring a whole lecture on commitment and fidelity before she agreed to give to me.
Britt took her time pushing the ring back on and then kissed my finger once it was secure. "Let's have a honeymoon."
After that, we made love and fucked all weekend long. I took the time to kiss her ten times more than usual and made sure to show her how much I appreciated her while we got super wanky.
That Sunday, Britt had heard from the head choreographer of the tour that Frankie had transferred to the David Guetta tour and was in California. It was great news and I actually didn't mind now if Britt decided at the last minute to go. I mean it would still suck but I wouldn't be so worried about Frankie.
I was happy that my life was finally becoming amazing.
Graduation was on a Wednesday night and I was set to deliver my valedictorian speech.
I looked out into a sea of red gowns and saw that this chapter was closing.
My heart felt big and complete as I looked out into the crowd and saw Mamà holding Isaac.
Then I looked down at the graduate section at my empty seat and then at my wife...I was the happiest person in the world in that moment.
"Faculty, staff, family and friends I would like to thank you on behalf of the class of 2012 for your love and support. For many of us this has been a defining year. For others it's been a year we would like to forget. For me it has been a little bit of both. In this year I have been married twice, I gave birth to a beautiful son, I have battled drug addiction, domestic abuse, I have survived the death of my father and being outed in front of the whole senior class...I even spent a night in jail. I'm sure many of you are surprised to even see me standing here, I know that because I am even surprised that I am standing here. I survived this year the best that I could and I still managed to stand in front of you with a 4.3 average. I am a little bruised and broken but I'm still standing. So what I can tell you my fellow graduates is that through it all my education and my support network has grounded me and kept me alive. For that I am eternally grateful. We are about to be scattered to the four winds...there will be hard times and bad times that seem never-ending but you will get through it using your mind and your heart. Keep your friends and family close...don't let petty arguments stand in your way. Be who you are and be proud of who you are not. And if you need a swift kick in the butt know that there is always someone out there willing to slushy you and to listen. We have all been tried and tested by our friends, our parents, our teachers, and our coaches. We all stand here bruised, a little worn but still standing. We are fierce. We are strong. We are McKinley Titans now and forever. So in ten years when we come back through these halls...I expect to be in a room full of successful and accomplished individuals. Let's be elite as housewives, doctors, soldiers, lawyers...adults. I wish each and every one of you a slushy full of happiness and love. May all your dreams, realized and unrealized come to fruition. Thanks for the support and love I have gotten from many of you even when I didn't deserve it. You saved my life. I stand behind you as you go forward as your friend. Go out and conquer the world Titans...go big and make McKinley proud!
The standing ovation that I received after my speech was unexpected and uplifting...it had taken me hours to get the words that I wanted to use but Britt, Q and Ian had stood with me and by me through each draft.
I finally settled on short and honest.
Now that I had finished I felt like every word was perfect.
I allowed the tears to flow knowing that I had earned the right to the joy that I felt.
The moment I got back to my seat Britt wrapped her pinky around mine.
"Azimio Isaac Adams." there wasn't much applause but I stood up and cheered.
I wished I had pompoms.
Z was my first supporter and I was forever grateful for that boost of confidence.
That faith in me that he had was why I named my son for him.
"Lucille Quinn Fabray." when Q walked up on stage and did a twirl she was met by whistles and catcalls from all over the room and admiration from me.
I don't know where I would be without her.
"Brittany Susan Lopez." B turned to me and kissed me before hugging Figgins and taking her diploma.
He looked flustered but smiled when he saw me standing behind her ready for him to say my name.
"Santana Gladys Lopez." I tried to hold the blush that crossed my cheeks when I got another standing ovation from my class.
I did a little bow and then hugged Sue who stood next to Figgins.
She hugged me tight and then pushed me towards my wife.
I flew into Britt's arms kissing her soundly and then we walked off the stage together pinkies linked.
"Ian Christopher Perkins." Ian looked down and winked at me before grabbing his diploma and then he moved to the end of the stage waiting just like Britt had done.
"Noah Aaron Puckerman." NoNo had tears in his eyes as he strolled up to Figgins and after holding onto his diploma that he had waited five years for, just like B he hugged the principal like they were best buddies.
After NoNo released the little man. I could then see why Ian had waited...him and Puck chest bumped and high-fived and then they walked from the stage elbows linked in a homage to me and Britt.
That Friday night, newly graduated we gathered in the back of the house once again to celebrate my 19th birthday.
I wore a simple summer dress as I carried my son onto the patio.
I hadn't wanted to really do anything other than sit out there and just be with him. I was taking my pregnancy seriously and after nearly drowning the last time that I was near a pool I decided that I definitely didn't want to get in.
"Hand me my godson, please?" Q sat perched at a table on the patio watching our friends wrestle each other into the pool.
I could see Britt dancing in the deep end with Mike. I loved watching her just be a kid. It was amazing to see the lack of stress on her face.
She was genuinely happy again.
I handed a newly recovered Isaac to Quinn and she smiled big and wide as she looked into his chubby little face.
She began that baby talk and the faces and he smiled at her.
"So how does it feel Q? Finally being out to your mom?"
"It was a long time coming but she wasn't surprised I mean Rachel and I haven't really been sneaky or anything. And you? How does it feel to have gotten rid of Frankie? It took balls doing what you did."
"I see it more like fixing a wrong in my marriage. B and I are good now, I don't feel like there is a gauntlet hanging over my head now. All that's left is spending the next 28 days getting myself in a sober state of mind."
"I'm so proud of you."
"I know."
"I love you, San."
"Yeah, yeah, I love you too."
I have spent years setting myself up to fail but somewhere along the way all of that changed.
Somewhere along the way I realized that the self sabotage was just a projection of other people's failures.
I decided that I had to live for me because yolo and all that. I had to grasp my future by the balls and not let go.
Our dreams have magic because we'll always stay in love this way...our day will come.
A/N: Well my loves, that is the 2020 rewrite of this third of the story. It was cathartic and awesome to do. We have lost someone major but I refuse to let Santana be lost along the way. I choose to keep that part of Naya alive for as long as I can.