Chapter 41
After dinner that night, Emily and Hotch walked outside to bring the boat down, into the water.
"Aaron, let me help you.", she insisted.
"No, I've got it. You can go grab the blankets I set out on the patio inside if you want.", he said.
"Fine. Please be careful.", she told him, walking inside to grab some blankets.
"Ow! Dammit.", she heard him say and ran outside, carrying the blankets in her arms.
"Are you okay?", she asked.
"Yeah, the hook just slipped and hit me but I'm fine.", he said.
"I told you to be careful!", she said.
"I am! I've done this plenty of times.", he told her.
"You are so stubborn.", she rolled her eyes.
"You're one to talk.", he laughed.
He pulled the boat towards him, holding it close to the dock while she got on. He pushed it off, climbing in, and took out the key from his pocket, starting the boat. He sat on top of the seat and drove it out to the middle of the lake and turned it off.
Emily was sitting on the couch seat at the front and pulled the blankets up, letting him get under. He wrapped them tight around the both of them and she snuggled next to him, nuzzling her head into his shoulder.
"Are you warm enough?", he asked her.
"Mmhmm.", she said.
"Good. Now what'd I tell you? Is this amazing or what?", he said, looking up at sky.
"It is. I can't believe- oh look! A shooting star!", she said.
"Make a wish.", he said.
"I don't need to... I already have everything I want right now.", she told him.
He smiled and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer and kissing the top of her head. "Me too.", he whispered.
"Aaron...", she said.
"Yeah?", he asked.
"Do you think JJ suspected anything back in New Orleans?", she asked.
"I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. Why?", he asked her.
"Well, she's been asking me a lot about the guy I told her I'm seeing ever since then and seems kind of suspicious about the whole thing. Other than you, she's probably my best friend. She knows me. I guess I'm just nervous she might be catching on.", she said.
"What have you told her so far? What is she asking about?", he asked.
"Well, for one, his name. She's asked what he does, asked to see a picture. Just things like that.", she said.
"And? What do you say?", he asked.
"I told her your name was Michael and that you're a nurse.", she laughed. "How basic is that? I was going to say a doctor but I knew she'd ask for your last name and try and look you up."
He started cracking up, making her do the same. "You know she's going to keep asking questions more and more, trying to find out who I am, don't you? She's very determined. You might have to pretend you broke up with me soon before she invites us over for dinner.", he chuckled.
"She already has!", she said.
"Oh god... how did you get out of that one?", he asked.
"I told her you work the night shift typically but sometimes it changes unexpectedly so it'd be hard to find a night we could all get together.", she said.
"Wow. You've just thought of everything, haven't you?", he asked.
"I'm sure she'll throw something else at me.", she said.
"Well, I know you. You think quick on your feet.", he said.
"So does she.", she said.
"Well, we'll take care of it.", he said.
"I'll take care of it. You kind of can't. It's my fake boyfriend. It'd be weird if you got involved.", she said.
"I guess that's true... but it's okay. We don't need to worry about that right now. We are here right now. Just enjoy this. No worries for a few days, alright?", he said.
"Okay. You're right. So what do you want to do tomorrow?", she asked.
"Well, it's supposed to rain, so I thought we could just stay in, do a puzzle, maybe cook a nice dinner, read a book by the fireplace, do other things by the fireplace.", he said in a seductive tone, leaning down and kissing her.
"Mmm I like that idea.", she said against his lips.
"Perfect.", he said, kissing her one more time before looking at the sky. "Oooo another shooting star."
"Make a wish.", she said.
"I don't need to either. I already told you.", he said.
"There has to be something you wish was different in your life.", she said.
"I mean, I guess I would wish that we didn't have to hide our relationship from everyone. But if that's what we have to do to be together, then it's worth it. I'm content right now with everything in my life. Haley and I are finally on a good page, I've gotten to see Jack a lot more in the past month or so, work is stable especially since Strauss isn't on my ass anymore about everything. And... I have you.", he said, rubbing her arm.
"I'm really glad... I've noticed you seem happier, less stressed, especially whenever you see Jack. I love seeing you like that. So does everybody else at work.", she said.
"There's really that much of a difference?", he asked.
"Aaron, you haven't yelled at anyone for weeks. People have noticed a difference.", she said as they both laughed. "You even laughed last week."
"You say that like I never do.", he said.
"Because you don't!", she said.
"I laugh all the time!", he said.
"Yeah, with me and Jack. Maybe with a friend but you spend most of your time outside of work with me and with Jack. But at work... you're so serious. You hardly let a smile pass. It wouldn't kill you to show that you're human every now and then. You know, let other people see the fun, happy side I get to see...", she said, rubbing his chest.
"Do you really think I'm too serious all the time?", he asked.
"I know I fell in love with the sensitive and loving Aaron Hotchner. Not saying I want everyone else to fall in love with you...", she chuckled, "...but if it's respect you're worried about... trust me, they won't respect you any less if you show them that you're human. If anything, they might even more. I know I did.", she said.
"It's hard to not be the way I was trained to be. I think the only reason you saw that other side of me was because you brought it out in me. You still do. Everyday. And I love you for that.", he told her, giving her a kiss on her head.
"I know, I get it. Maybe just stick with how you've been acting lately and don't push it or else people might start asking you questions about some woman in your life.", she laughed.
"Alright, sounds good.", he chuckled.
After a while, Emily started to get tired and Hotch could tell.
"Em, do you want to go back now? You seem sleepy.", he said.
"Yeah, I'm so exhausted. I don't know why.", she said, sitting up more and yawning.
"It's been a long day and... we got quite a workout in earlier.", he chuckled.
"Yeah, that definitely wore me out. But not in a bad way.", she said.
"Good. We have all day to rest tomorrow but let's go back and get some sleep now too.", he said, walking over to the steering wheel and starting the boat.
Once they got back to the dock and tied up the boat, he helped her out and held her hand as they walked up to the cabin.
They headed upstairs and both changed into warm pajamas pants and sweatshirts.
"Ohhh, this feels so nice.", she said laying down on the not too firm mattress and getting under the covers.
Hotch cuddled up behind her, being the big spoon and kissed her neck, pulling the sheets and comforter up more to cover her whole body.
"Are you warm enough, hun?", he asked.
"I'm perfect.", she said, squeezing his hand that draped over her side.
"You certainly are.", he said.
"I didn't mean it like that.", she giggled.
"I know but you are.", he kissed her neck again. "Just accept it.", he said.
"Fine.", she said.
"That's it? You're not going to fight me on this? You love to do that.", he said.
"No I don't!", she said.
"You do!", he told her.
"Whatever, I'm too tired to right now anyways.", she said.
"Good. Now get some sleep. I love you.", he whispered.
"I love you too.", she said, closing her eyes.
A couple hours after they fell asleep, Emily woke up and sat right up, gasping once for air. Just seconds after, Hotch opened his eyes and could see her figure in the dark, sitting up and he did the same. He reached for her knees which were brought up close to her chest and for her shoulder.
"Em, are you okay?", he asked in a groggy voice.
"I just had a horrible dream.", she said, burying her face in her knees.
"Are you alright?", he asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.", she said.
"Do you want to talk about it?", he asked, rubbing circles on her back.
"It was nothing, really. It was just-", she started and then turned her face to the side to look at him, resting her head on her knees. "You were in it and something bad happened to you. It was connected to something in my past I wish I could forget and having you brought into it just made it worse. It felt really real and I thought it actually happened for a few seconds even after I woke up. It was just upsetting. But you're here, I know that.", she said.
"I'm right here, I'm okay.", he told her. "Come here.", he said, pulling her in and wrapping his arms around her. "Em, you're shaking."
"I just need to go grab something real
quick downstairs.", she said, getting up.
"What is it? I can get you a glass of water or make you a tea if you want.", he offered.
"No, I just... need to grab a Xanax real quick.", she said, walking out the door.
He woke up more when she said that and followed her down the stairs.
"Emily, are you feeling an anxiety attack coming on?", he asked her once they got to the bathroom and she grabbed her bottle of the pills and took one.
She walked out towards the living room to head upstairs but he stopped her.
"Emily. Are you starting to have one of your anxiety attacks?", he asked again.
She choked back some tears and walked upstairs into the bedroom, wanting to get back in bed and wait for it to pass. He crawled in after her and hesitantly put his arm around her when they laid down. She rolled over to face him and scooted into his arms which he wrapped around her again.
"Yeah...", she finally replied.
"What can I do?", he asked.
"Just stay here right now.", she said, nuzzling her head into his chest.
"I've got nowhere else to be. I'm right here with you, hun.", he said, kissing her head.
After another thirty minutes passed, he could feel her heartbeat and breathing slow down and get calmer. He'd been rubbing her back up and down the whole time and stroking her hair.
"I'm sorry.", she said.
"You have nothing to be sorry for.", he told her.
"I woke you up.", she said.
"Emily, I don't care about that. I care about being there for you.", he said.
"I know but still.", she said.
"Do you want to talk about it?", he asked, hoping for her to open up.
"I've just been having these anxiety attacks for a while like when I called you that one night a while ago... when we weren't really talking. But I started having these dreams a little while after that. On my birthday when I got out of bed in the middle of the night and I went downstairs, I wasn't really talking to my mom on the phone... which I know that you knew was a lie anyways. But I woke up because I had another dream that night. I didn't want to worry you any more than you already were earlier on at the drive-in. I'm sorry I kept that from you, I just really didn't want you to worry about it all.", she said.
"Emily... you could've told me that. You could've woken me up.", he said.
"I had to make a call anyway. I just hate ruining so many things.", she said.
"You're not ruining anything. Maybe you should talk about what happened though.", he said.
"Like I said, it had to do with something from my past. But you got hurt. It was really bad. And it was my fault and I couldn't stop it. And it felt so real. But it's also that it was something that could actually happen and that's what was so scary about it.", she told him.
"I'm sorry. But I'm right here and I'm okay and so are you. We're okay.", he told her.
"I know... I know.", she said, rubbing his chest.
"Honey, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere any time soon, okay?", he said, kissing her forehead. "And neither are you. I've got you."
She took in a deep breath and finally stopped shaking. She looked up at him and brought her lips to his. "I love you.", she said.
"I love you too. You can always come to me with this.", he said.
"I know. Thank you.", she said, giving him one last kiss before she rolled over and he wrapped his arm around her.
"That's what I'm here for.", he said.
They both closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.