Chapter Soundtrack: watch?v=Jgw107deFcg
36.
"Hello?" the deep voice croaked through the line, and for the first time in weeks the tears that filled Marben's eyes were ones of relief. "Hello-o? Is anyone there?".
"D-dad…it's me".
"Marben? What's wrong, sweetheart? Why are you crying?".
"I…I want to come home, Dad…please, let me come home!". The receiver sent her the sounds of a chair scratching on the floor and a rustling of clothes. For Marben it was like being there to see her Dad hastily jump to his feet.
"All right, I need you to breathe: can you do that for me, dear?" he asked her in an attentive, worried voice, breathing deeply and sonorously to give her an example to follow and lavishing approval as the girl did as she was told a few times. "Good job, once again? That's my girl! Feeling any better?".
"I…still want to come home".
"I expected so, but at least you're somewhat lucid, now. Tell me, then, what happened?".
"I met a boy, back in September…and we got together…".
"Dear Lord, Marben, you're even worse than your father!".
"Dad, please…" the girl pleaded, and the man immediately ceased with his witty retorts.
"Sorry, love. So, did you see him with another girl? Did you two break up?".
"He disappeared".
"…oh. The missing kid from that brolly nonsense…" he guessed, after a pause. Marben nodded, though unseen.
"Yes, that would be him! Newspapers and newscasts have have spread the word, the police have been notified, but nobody is really looking for him, Dad, he's been gone for weeks and…he's all I can think about, I'm going mad with worry!".
"Oh, my poor sweetheart…I believe you" the man whispered, suddenly sounding heartbroken.
"What can I do, Dad? How can I stop feeling this miserable?".
"You can't, that's the ugly truth. You can just learn how to cope with it".
"I want to come home, then!" Marben asserted forcefully, truly determined for the first time since Five had gone missing. "You always say that the more time passes, the more is unlikely that a missing person will be found alive...if so, I want to get out of here, I want to put all the miles I can between me and the possibility that...that a news even more awful than that of Five's disappearance might reach me!".
Hearing her words, her Dad colorfully swore, and pushing the receiver away yelled at someone in the distance.
"Honey, Marben's crying on the phone, come here at once!".
"No, wait!" the girl hurriedly called him back.
"What?".
"Can we talk about it for a moment more…just the two of us?".
"Of course. But don't think about what I usually say anymore, all right? Your boyfriend is not dead, sweetie".
"No…he can't be".
"…you do realize, however, I can't let you throw this opportunity away, don't you? And that postponing a chat on the phone with your Father won't be of any help?". Gritting her teeth, Marben prepared herself for what she knew would be an exhausting debate.
"Dad. I haven't been able to focus in weeks, and music has become unbearable to me. What's the point of me staying here?".
"Look, pet, you say so because right now you're going through a truly awful time…".
"Half false and half true" the girl had countered, but her Dad had ignored her and kept going.
"…and believe me, I understand it. I do. But music has always been your greatest passion, If you were to give up now you'll may live to regret it...and I don't wish for this to happen. Not to you".
"I feel like I should walk out on everything else and don't stop looking for him until I find him!".
"Yes, that's how this kind of things makes people feel...but you're so many things, Marben, not just the love you have for that boy. Do you really want to let everything you are wilt because he's not there with you? He wouldn't want it".
Marben had begrudgingly recognized the truth in those words. Five, who had never made a secret of admiring her talent as a musician nor failed to rejoice about her progress, would have tried in every way not to make her give up. But unfortunately he had disappeared, and Marben had felt lost ever since, even if in a way different than his; physically present, but mentally adrift in a nameless, boundless place.
'I'm entitled to be grieving' she was by then used to repeat herself when, trying to ask for help, she was faced with the world's inability to understand how much Five's absence was wearing her out, and thus treated her as if she was overreacting. To recognize her own pain's importance so as not to doubt that it had any in the first place, sucked almost as much as the ineffectiveness of the help she was receiving.
"I…I need to come home, Dad" she only said, with a sigh that sounded shaky, due to the fresh stream of tears that spilled from her eyes. "I am beginning to forget how his face looks…".
"We'll talk to your teachers, all right?" her father had finally conceded, in a sweet tone. "Meanwhile, why don't you tell me everything about him?".
.oO°Oo.
For the rest of the autumn, Marben had spoken little or nothing; instead of on words, she had relied on music to express the turmoil that had kept tormenting her, with melodies that sometimes sounded known to the ears of the listener, and other times didn't. Playing what she wanted and felt most suited to her mood didn't cause her the same loathing as the material foreseen by the exchange study program.
Sadly, her discontinuous pattern of feeding and sleeping coupled with her perennial state of anxiety led her to fall prey of a strong fever, in mid-December, and for almost ten days Marben didn't set foot outside her room except to use the restroom. By her full recovery, she had reached a breaking point.
She found out one afternoon, after she'd been neglecting her studies for a while and even the most magnanimous of her teachers no longer knew what to do to with her grades. Mister Kai had convinced himself that Marben needed nothing more than opportunities to rediscover her love for music and gain back her determination, so he had suggested a couple of hours a week of tutoring (if out of selfless kindness or because of the long phone call that, as promised, her parents had made to the Headmaster, the girl wouldn't have been able to say); without being able to find the strength to refuse, therefore, Marben had accepted.
The first time Mister Kai summoned her, Marben discovered she'd had enough of the weight, the smooth wood and the familiar shape of her violin: what to her had been a second nature since an early age suddenly no longer held charm, even made her ill-disposed. She forced herself to endure the session anyway, her stomach twitching with discontent and the fingers of her left hand pounding so angrily on the keyboard that the notes sounded accompanied by the hammering of fingertips on wood, but she must have looked strange, for at some point Mister Kai had recommended her to go rest a little before dinner, concluding the first lesson fifteen minutes early; Marben had nodded and gone straight to her room, violin and scores in tow. As a welcome, she had found only her pale, emaciated and sweaty face's reflection on the window's glass.
During the second lesson things hadn't improved at all: Marben had played little and badly, then lowered the violin and refused to go on. Mister Kai had tried to be as understanding and patient as possible, but in the end he had been forced to send her back to the dorm with a rebuke and to reschedule the lesson.
On the third lesson, Marben hadn't even shown up.
The Girls had then made sure she went to the fourth, literally dragging her to the Theater: in front of their wide and horrified eyes, Marben had tried to throw her violin away, and only Mister Kai's timely intervention had prevented her from doing so. The blonde girl had looked at him as if for the first time in months she really had seen who was standing in front of her, and the elderly, quiet professor with perpetually disheveled hair had returned the gaze of what had been one of his most promising students, finding her wasted, so very sad, frightened. At that point, Marben had abandoned the violin in her teacher's capable hands, and bowing her head had burst into a low weeping. Against all odds, Mister Kai had gathered her up in a hug, and after briefly comforting her, he had led her to the piano, making her sit beside him.
"Let's try this. Are you familiar with composing?".
.oO°Oo.
That year, Christmas elapsed darkly. Marben got to spend it with her family, but not by going home as she had wished: her parents and siblings went to America.
Having her family around proved to be of great comfort for the poor girl, even if through every glance she could detect her Dad's worry, the confusion of the twins Oliver and Daniel, the veiled disappointment in her Father's eyes; neither of her parents had had the courage to tell her, but letting her drop out from the exchange had never really been considered as a possibility. Marben knew that it had been her Father, to categorically oppose the idea, just as she knew he had done it for her own good, but it couldn't had prevented her from feeling equally abandoned in a moment of urgent need. In any case, she didn't let her bitterness get in the way and ruin the Christmas vibe that would have already been less enthusiastic than usual, partly because of her precarious emotional condition that was bringing anyone around her to treat her as if were made of glass, and partly due to the lack of their usual family traditions: as long as Marben could have remembered, that would have been the first Christmas not celebrated in her elderly grandparents' home, lacking the company of her uncles and Diana and Lear's families, who were like parts of hers. She didn't feel fully happy, during the day, but still let her little sisters Emma and Jordan pour out their enthusiastic affection on her, which had the effect of a powerful lenitive on her wounded and bleeding heart, and when the party was over she gave her parents a long hug, slipping a sealed envelope into her Dad's hand, who looked at her in surprise.
"Read it, if you must, but then show it to uncle and talk about it with him. It's important" she had only said, and her Dad had nodded.
Something else, later in the evening, unexpectedly managed to warm her heart: on the unreal, snowy silence of December 25th, she found abandoned just outside her window a pack of ginger biscuits wrapped in a paper that had nothing to do with Christmas and a prerecorded cassette. On the package, a small note with 'Love, Mom' written in the most graphically flawless handwriting she had ever seen, on the cassette's label a simple 'K'.
To avoid starting to cry again at the thought that the Umbrella Kids weren't even allowed to celebrate Christmas, Marben grabbed the cassette and listened to all the songs on it - side A and side B - that same night, holding the envelope of biscuits to her chest like she would have done with a lifebelt.
.oO°Oo.
In the early days of January, Vanya asked why she had started teaching her from a sitting position and they no longer engaged in duets; Marben saw herself forced to answer sincerely, which made her unexpectedly feel somewhat relieved.
"I don't play the violin anymore".
"What? Why?" the younger girl had asked, dark eyes as wide as saucers peeking out from under her bangs. Marben had detachedly shrugged.
"Apparently, now I loathe it. So instead, I'm currently dedicating myself to the piano".
"I'm sorry to hear that, you're such a talented violinist…" Vanya had feebly countered, looking down.
"About this, I don't think it's wise for me to continue being your teacher. I can't guarantee you quality teaching if I'm not studying the subject in the first place, so…I could talk to Lear, if you'd like: I'm sure she would be delighted to have you as her student".
"Sure…but I'd very much like to carry on with you".
"I'm sorry, Vanya, it would only bring harm to the both of us".
"I'm gonna miss you" Vanya had confessed, smiling sadly. Marben, however, hadn't let herself get involved.
"You'll be alright. You'll see".
"Yeah, like you are now?".
Surprised by the audacity of the usually quiet and clumsy girl, Marben had turned to look at Vanya with a calculated rotation of her head and a deliberately unfazed face, if not for her slightly raised eyebrows.
"Better, I hope" she had replied calmly, sincerely.
"I'm sorry, Marben…" Vanya had offered, equally wholeheartedly.
"Don't be. It's been a tough time for everyone, you included".
She hadn't meant to be abrupt, unfriendly or cold, and perhaps Vanya had grasped it: Marben wasn't angry with her, she had simply become disenchanted. Music no longer fascinated her, no longer made her vibrant with delight, and company rendered her impatient. She had lost all her enthusiasm, and at the same time she didn't want her gloomy mood to affect anyone else's. To see her like that pained Vanya; so, out of nowhere, she decided to share something that only a couple of people besides her knew.
"I'm sure Five will be back. That's why I leave the lights on and a peanut butter and marshmallows sandwich for him to find every night".
Leaning in to gently kiss her cheek, the girl with the fringe had sincerely thanked the one who had been her first, precious music teacher, and after having gathered her things she had gone back home without saying anything else.
Marben had then been left with her usual nefarious thoughts. That day she kept looking back at what had happened, trying to remember if Five had shown signs of unbearable malaise or uttered a few words that could have hinted at his intention to run away from home; but finding no clues, she just ended up blaming herself for not having been able to understand him. She even wondered if Five hadn't stayed around only to get under her clothes, and once succeeded in his intent had disappeared without saying a word. But that doubt had been short-lived: Five may have kept some things from her, but he hadn't been able to lie about his feelings.
The sound of the bell announcing dinner had surprised her seated on the windowsill, staring at the emptiness outside her window and envying the quiet strength of Vanya's hope.
A/N: ...next chapter, folks: the next chapter will be the last. Stay tuned for the latest big revelations!
Love you all.