Mr West sat quietly in his study, his elbows resting on his desk as his head was supported by his fingers. He could feel the familiar stirrings of a headache sitting behind his eyes. He'd barely been home from work ten minutes when his daughter had intercepted him. What he'd hoped would have been a brief conversation had been even shorter as she had informed him, she was too tired to talk tonight and told him they would speak in the morning. Even then he'd bristled at the way she'd almost ordered him but there had been no opportunity to argue as she'd returned to her room soon after. Something about her manner had changed from before, she wasn't as displaced as she'd seemed on the hospital or ever during the first night's meal. He knew that when she said 'talk', it was going to be about more than her check-up appointment.
He rubbed his forehead wearily, moving to shut off the computer screen as he realised no work would be getting done that evening. He wasn't sure what Jade thought they would gain from talking, he didn't have any answers for her. Did he feel guilt over the situation? Absolutely, but as far as he was concerned there was nothing he could change about the past. He wanted to try now and make things right, but he had no idea how. He wasn't even sure Jade would let him if he tried. His usual escape was his work, but he didn't find it quite as easy to focus at the moment. He'd even tried to call her the other day, but she hadn't picked up; it hadn't been mentioned since.
He found himself turning in the chair to look up at the small photo frame which encased the only photo of his daughter he had in the house. He could still remember the day Amanda had told him she was pregnant. They'd been married for almost three years, but the cracks were already starting to show. She had argued with him about the long hours he worked away and he'd often retaliate that she was just as bad except she didn't have to take overnight trips. Nothing was ever resolved as he would disappear into his study and Amanda would drown her sorrows in something expensive out of the drinks cabinet. They'd both hoped a baby would be a fresh start but early into her pregnancy Johnathan West had found himself unsure if he even wanted a child, their relationship as fragile as it was. Despite his misgivings, he'd been overwhelmed when they handed the little pink bundle to him in the hospital only to see a big pair of blue eyes looking back up at him.
Unfortunately, it hadn't taken long for things to go downhill again. He was never a natural parent and often felt resentful towards Amanda that his life was being changed so much. He buried himself further into his work, picking up unnecessary projects to keep him sane, or at least that was how he justified it. He liked to think he did what was expected of a father, attending parent's evenings and junior shows when he was able, although he would struggle to remember how many if asked. He'd managed to overlook sometimes returning home to empty liqueur bottles when she'd stayed at home full-time, a vice to stay sane in the monotony of child rearing she'd once commented. When Amanda had returned to work when Jade was in-school, the tension between the two of them only intensified as they argued more but somehow saw each other less; Jade was collateral damage in a toxic relationship. Slowly Amanda had drunk and smoked more and the arguments reached their pinnacle. Jade was still relatively young but even then, she had been asserting herself as a difficult child, moody and withdrawn; he'd had no clue how to deal with her.
As he'd left the house, he had half a plan on how to approach the ensuing disaster that would be the divorce battle, custody proceedings, alimony etc., but it had never come. The respective pre-nuptial agreements took care of most of the issues and the question of Jade's custody was almost overlooked as it was assumed, she'd default to stay with Amanda. Mr West hadn't questioned it, agreeing he would see Jade on alternate weekends but that had petered off within a few months. On the times she had come, she never said much to him or acted as though she even wanted to be there, so he hadn't chased when she'd stopped coming. He liked to think he was doing it in her best interest but, deep down, it was simply easier not to rock the boat.
He let out an audible sigh, although the action was redundant as he was the sole occupant of the room. The emptiness had never bothered him before, it had barely even been worthy of noticing but now it seemed different somehow, colder and more prominent. He shook his head as though trying to snap himself out of it and reached for the last of the amber liquid sitting in a glass to his left. He downed the contents in one, before switching the monitor back on; maybe there was still time for one last check through his emails.
Beck was surprised when he opened his eyes to find Jade still fast asleep, head pillowed half on her own pillow and half on his shoulder; sleeping had become much more comfortable for her now she removed the sling overnight. Beck experimentally stretched his legs out as he recalled the previous night's activities; mercifully he'd had no nightmares despite his broken sleep. Jade had been less lucky as she'd slept well to start with before ending up restless and slipping in and out of bad dreams. At his suggestion, they'd gone back out to the balcony to change the scenery although not for as long as they had the previous night.
His phone buzzed quietly, reminding him that he had to pick his parents up from the airport in a few hours, something he still wasn't happy about. He looked down at Jade again and saw the tell-tale twitch that she was slowly waking up again. He was still looking when her eyes blinked open, squinting as the sleepiness cleared from them before she predictably huffed and shut them again.
"What time is it?" Her voice was half muffled by his t-shirt as she sought to bury her head from the light filtering through the blind.
"A little after seven thirty."
Jade groaned again in response.
"The first time Lane isn't around for therapy and I still can't sleep in."
Lane had agreed that weekend therapy was probably overkill, given that Jade had been making significant progress over the week. Jade was more than happy to agree, as two days off practically seemed like a holiday. While even she could no longer insist therapy was pointless, it did take a lot out of her. She was beginning to find she could be somewhat resentful on days she woke up feeling something close to normal only for it to be knocked aside by a therapy session that only served to remind her of the mess she was in.
"You don't have to get up yet." Beck suggested but he knew she wouldn't agree.
"What's the point? I won't sleep anymore anyway." The sleeping pill only seemed to give her a head start on the night's sleep which, while it was an improvement on before, also was frustrating when she'd spent the rest of the night feeling restless. Hyperawareness was a symptom Lane had spoken to her about quite extensively but apparently simply knowing your brain was on the fritz wasn't enough to combat the symptoms.
"What time does their flight land?"
"10, so I'll have to be there for 11."
"Are you going home first?"
"Na, seeing as I'll be going home with them anyway." He thought he masked his bitterness well, but Jade had moved her head back out to give him a look.
"I know, I know. It just sucks."
Jade wasn't going to argue with him there, but she didn't want to encourage his bitterness. His parent's may not have been overly fond of her, but she was envious of the fact he had parents who very obviously cared for him.
They stayed cuddled for a few more minutes before Jade's need to pee finally got the better of her and they started their morning routine.
As they arrived downstairs, Mr West had yet to emerge from his bedroom. Jade tried to pay it no attention, purposefully ignoring the conversation she knew she had planned for later. She could feel Beck's eyes on her, but she ignored that too, instead heading towards the sweet smell that was emanating from the kitchen.
"Good morning dears."
Vera was as cheerful as ever, greeting them as they walked through the door as she stood by the hob.
"I thought I'd do something special today, seeing as it's the weekend; I hope you like pancakes."
Jade found herself inhaling deeply, savouring the comforting scent of the cooking batter, a small smile breaking through before she could help it.
"I love pancakes." If Vera was surprised by Jade's remark, she didn't let it show as she carried on chatting about the pancakes she made for her grandsons when they came to stay with her. Beck took over the conversation as Jade fell quiet again, something odd tugging at her as she watched Vera bustle around the kitchen before serving the stack of pancakes with a generous helping of syrup.
As Jade tucked into her pancakes, she became aware Beck was staring at her.
"What?" She questioned in between mouthfuls, not in an entirely unthreatening manner.
"Nothing."
"Well it's obviously something?" Beck allowed himself a smile.
"It's just nice to see you enjoying something again."
Jade paused with the fork halfway to her mouth; she almost hadn't realised just how much she was enjoying the pancakes. In fact, she wasn't sure what was better, the actual feeling of enjoyment or the fact she was feeling enjoyment. She swallowed her next mouthful and found herself returning Beck's smile with a small one of her own.
Vera was visibly cheerful when the plates were returned with only small scraps left on them; the pancakes had the effect she was hoping for. She'd been hoping to tempt Mr West as well, but he'd barely been in the kitchen for more than a few minutes as he took a coffee and yoghurt into his study. It made Vera despair slightly, she'd accidentally overheard snippets of Jade's outburst the previous morning. Before she'd always assumed Mr West to be a bit of an outsider, a loner but her opinion of him had lowered somewhat. Still, she knew it wasn't really any of her business, but it didn't stop her from being happy the pancakes had been well received.
"You can call me anytime and I'll come back, or I'll come get you and we'll go to the RV." Beck was insistent as he stood in-front of Jade outside the house.
"I know, I'll let you know how it goes."
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"
"Yes Beck, I've told you like ten times now." Jade was trying to stay calm, but Beck's fussing was beginning to wear her down. He played with the handles of his bag awkwardly, he didn't want to end on a sour note.
"Do you know what you're going to do this afternoon?"
"Probably nap." Jade tried for some humour, but she was also apprehensive about being on her own for such a long stretch of time. She didn't want to feel like she needed Beck, but it was disconcerting knowing he wouldn't be there at all.
"I'll call you this evening?" Beck checked.
"Yeah, I'd like that." Beck managed a half-hearted smile that Jade struggled to return before he enveloped her in a hug, his stomach twisting unpleasantly.
"You're gonna be late." Her words had gone quiet, but Beck held on for another few seconds before drawing back. This time it was Jade who closed the gap between them, kissing him firmly as though reassuring herself as much as him. Beck pressed one last kiss to her before finally picking up his bag and putting in the truck.
"I'll see you soon."
Jade nodded, not trusting herself to speak as Beck shut the door and started the engine. As she watched it back out the drive, she found herself wrapping her good arm around her middle in an attempt at comfort. She took a few deep, calming breaths before turning to go back into the house. It was odd how with Beck's departure, the house seemed so much emptier than it had before.
As she stood in the foyer, Jade felt a tug of panic at what suddenly seemed like an overwhelming task. After taking a moment to steady herself, she did a quick check on her father's bedroom where the ajar door confirmed he had was awake and out of the room. A small part of Jade had hoped he would seek her out but clearly that wasn't going to happen. She paused outside the study; did she want to confront him in a room that was so decidedly his? She shook herself angrily, it shouldn't make a difference as this whole house was his. The old Jade wouldn't have cared about power dynamics, she would have gone in already and demanded he listen. Momentarily bolstered, Jade reached for the door handle, not even bothering to knock.
Mr West's head jerked up as the door to his office swung open, creating a clang as it hit the stopper behind it. He was less surprised to see Jade standing there, although the practice of someone interrupting him in his own office was still a rare one.
"Jade." He greeted, somewhat confused as to why she was choosing now to talk to him.
"What do you need?"
"I thought you wanted to talk?" Jade's eyes narrowed and Mr West supressed a sigh at the obvious attitude.
"Okay then, how did your hospital visit go?"
"Fine."
Mr West scowled.
"Is that all you wanted to say?"
"No." Jade replied simply, extracting a strange enjoyment from watching the frustration play across his face, the way his face coloured slightly as his eye twitched almost imperceptibly.
"Well?" he challenged.
"Why didn't you take me with you when you left?"
"Left where?" Playing dumb was ineffective and only caused Jade to mirror his scowl.
"When you walked out on Mum."
"Walked out?" Mr West's were suddenly alight with fury at the perceived accusation. "While she was busy drinking and drugging herself into oblivion you mean, she checked out of our marriage many years before I left it."
"And yet you though it was acceptable to leave a nine-year old child in the same situation." Jade had manoeuvred him to exactly where she wanted to him, his dumb-founded expression only confirming that she hadn't lost her ability to craft a scene. After all, that's all this really was; the right words, the right direction and he had walked straight into her trap.
She watched his mouth open and shut a few times, groping for words he couldn't seem to find as his desk suddenly seemed to dwarf him in comparison.
"You see all this time I've been so angry every time I've thought of her." Jade started, fed up of waiting for a reply that she knew wasn't going to be satisfactory.
"For everything over the years, for what happened a few weeks ago, for this fucking funeral disaster." Jade drew in a quick breath, aware of the familiar anger that was threatening to overshadow her.
"But I realised, I should be just as angry at you, if not more so, shouldn't I? Because you left me there."
Mr West swallowed uncomfortably, his throat suddenly feeling as though it had been filled with cotton as he looked at his daughter. For the first time in years he was really looking at her, seeing the family resemblance to both himself and Amanda, to his parents and to hers. Maybe it was the absence of the hospital bed and all the pristine white linens or the fact Jade had seemingly begun to put some much-needed weight back on but, even with the sling, she didn't look as weak as she had just a few weeks before. He swallowed again; the dozen excuses he had prepared over the last two weeks sitting on the tip of his tongue, but they never managed to leave his mouth.
"I have no defence." His voice was gruff, as though his throat was closing around each of the words. To his surprise Jade didn't even blink, instead she stayed deadly quiet, just watching him with an intensity that made him feel uncomfortable.
"I made what I thought was the best decision at the time."
'And there it is again.' For once, Jade didn't even feel a slight twinge in her gut at his words. They were no different to what she suspected and maybe that was why they didn't seem to hold the same power over her as they had just one week prior.
"For you." She intoned deliberately.
"Yes, for me." Mr West tried not to let the anger get the better of him, feeling as though he should be on the defensive.
"I honestly regret my decision but I doubt there is anything I can do to make it better now."
"I'm not sure there is either." Jade's voice was suddenly hushed as the realisation dawned on her at the same time it did her father. She wasn't certain whether or not he was sincere in his regret as, while she thought very little of him, he couldn't be completely cold hearted; or at least she hoped not.
The fact that was more striking was something she hadn't been able to confront until that very moment; what was there that he could do about it. The decision had been made just over eight years ago and Jade was no longer a child or even a teenager desperate for her daddy to love her. A small part of her might always cling to the fantasy but the almost adult recognised it for what it was, a fantasy. Even if her father were to transform overnight and become the model parent, she'd secretly craved, would she ever trust him again? Would she ever actually be able to forgive him for the past eight years, or even every single year since she'd been old enough to understand what was going on around her?
Jade regarded the man behind the desk, as though she were seeing him for the very first time. Some of the weight she was used to carrying around on her shoulders suddenly shifted, her back straightening just a little.
"So, what do you want to do?" Mr West pushed down on the impatience in his voice, the unexpected twinge of anxiety he'd felt at Jade's admission fuelling his need for an answer.
"Keep things as they are." Jade's voice was almost a shrug in itself. "There's no point either of us trying to become something we're not."
Again, Mr West was overwhelmed with a feeling he should be fighting against her words, but she spoke with a surety that left no room for an argument; he agreed with her.
"I should only need the sling on for another week, my shoulder should be fine in another four."
The sudden change of subject caught him off-guard, forcing him to simply nod in response.
"I'm still going to be seeing Dr Griffiths weekly, but everything seemed okay."
"And your counsellor?"
"Ongoing." Jade wasn't going to give him any more than that and mercifully Mr West didn't seem to want to put up a fight.
"I'm going out for the rest of the day." Jade stated, although her plans were barely halfway formed. "I won't be in for dinner."
"Do you need me to arrange a car?" If Mr West was taken aback by her intentions, he masked it well.
Jade shook her head without really thinking, guided by the feeling she wanted to owe him as little as possible. It was silent for a moment and then-
"Have a good day."
It was like being dismissed from the principal's office, but luckily Jade had a lot of experience in that department and managed to stroll out with an air of indifference. She left the door purposefully open, again admitting the slight childishness to herself but not letting it take away from the satisfaction it gave her.
She barely managed another coherent thought until she was safely back upstairs in her room, sinking into the velvet tub chair with a slight shake to her hand. Whether it was the adrenaline from the conversation or a genuine panic she wasn't sure but with fresh determination she steadied her breathing, squeezing the familiar foam she'd picked up on the way in. It wasn't as though she'd gone into the conversation with any expectations, but she wasn't sure how to feel about it now. It was an odd situation where the conversation had somehow managed to be monumental while also being almost anti-climactic for all the feelings that had preceded it. She opened her eyes, hands now reduced to an intermittent twitch as she assessed the feeling of finality settling within her, something that was definitely new but strangely comforting. She didn't know what life was going to look like even one month from now but she felt as though she now knew where she stood with the man downstairs, and that felt like progress.
She balked slightly as she remembered telling him that she would be out all day when, in actuality, she had no plans. Beck wasn't an option, but she couldn't stay in all day now, even if she wanted to. Without giving herself a change to second-guess herself, she pulled her phone out and arranged an Uber; tapping in the destination without even thinking about it. She jammed the phone back into her pocket, refusing to think about what she'd decided as she searched around for her jacket and keys. Before she knew it, she was climbing into the taxi, letting out a deep breath as they pulled away from the house. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she was tempted to ignore it but the thought of Beck stopped her.
(1) New Message: Beck Oliver
Just got to the airport, coffee here sucks.
Jade found herself almost smiling as she read his attempt at nonchalance before tapping out a reply, reminding him that any coffee he drank sucks as he had cream in it. She was about to put her phone away when another thought stopped her, and she quickly typed out a second message.
To: Cat Valentine.
Want to hang out today?
It was barely 30 seconds later when her phone started to ring.
Beck smirked as he read Jade's reply, in-between slurps of his sub-standard coffee; he was hoping the caffeine would give him a bit of a kick to deal with the incoming. His parent's plane had landed not too long ago and they would be thought the gate shortly. Beck usually looked forward to seeing them after they'd been away, but he was too fraught with tiredness and the emotional fallout of the last few days to muster up his usual enthusiasm. In truth, he was worried about what they would have to say to him, what they would think of the new arrangement. He thought his mom had understood when he'd been talking to her on the phone, especially when she'd arranged for him to do his schoolwork at home part-time but the insistence of him coming home with them set him on edge. He chewed the edge of his coffee cup, trying to work out what his next move should be and what possible demands his parent's might have.
"Beck!" His mother's voice broke through his thoughts and he lifted his head to see the familiar figure moving swiftly through the crowd towards him, his father trailing slightly behind pulling their suitcases.
"Hi Mom-oof." His own greeting was stifled as his mother reached him and enveloped him in a tight hug. Usually he would have slipped out of her grip, a typical teenager in disliking embarrassing parental affection in public, but this time it was barely a passing thought before he found himself hugging back just as tightly. He felt his mom exhale, no doubt reassuring herself that her son really was okay. Beck clung to his mother like he hadn't in years, allowing the familiar smell of her perfume to surround him and provide the comfort that only a parent can.
They stayed like that for several minutes until his father suggested they were getting the way of other people. Beck withdrew, somewhat embarrassed at the overt neediness but his mother seemingly understood and let him go. The topic of conversation was kept forcibly light as they walked out to Beck's truck, but Beck only managed half-answers to his mother's questions, too busy worrying that his uncharacteristic emotional display would only further his parent's belief that the situation with Jade was only hurting him. It was only after they were all piled into his truck that his mother broached the topic.
"So, how is Jade?"
"Abbie, I thought we weren't going to talk about this until we got home?" Beck's father spoke in a redundant hushed tone before Beck had the chance to answer.
"I know but it seems pointless now, it's obviously the only thing on his mind." Abigail Oliver replied an equally quiet tone, admonishing her husband and Beck fought the urge to roll his eyes at the pair of them.
"Yes, but he needs to focus on driving right now, not us badgering him."
"You guys do know you're sitting right next to me so I can hear every word you're saying." Beck pointed out in a dry tone that would have made Jade proud.
"What do you want to talk about?" Abigail asked, somewhat warily as she shot her husband an annoyed look and her son sighed in response.
"Look, Jade's recovering and she had been doing better but we can save the rest till we're back at the house?"
"Okay son." His father spoke up this time and Beck moved to switch the radio on, not wanting to sit in an uncomfortable silence for the remainder of the journey.
Jade stood looking up at the tall white walls in-front of her, finally allowing herself to second-guess her decision. For a place that she'd lived all her life, the deep feeling of unsettlement caused by simply standing by the front door was unnerving. She fiddled with her phone, the cuff of her sleeve, anything to take her mind off of the purpose of her visit. Her car was still in the driveway. Jade had thought about trying to drive it back to her father's house but, even without the sling, her movement was still limited. She fiddled with her cuff some more, wondering if it was even worth waiting but she didn't want to do it alone; of that much, she was certain. She twisted her head the second she heard what sounded like footsteps on the gravel and then,
"JADEY!" A flurry of red was suddenly running towards her, landing on her in a clumsy hug causing Jade to bite her lip against the pain as her shoulder was bashed. She waited a beat before putting her good arm around Cat and giving her a small hug in return, only making Cat cling harder.
"I missed you so much, school isn't the same when you're not there." Cat pulled back, pouting slightly.
"Yeah Beck said the same." Jade replied, unsure what the proper response was to Cat's statement; she still didn't know when she'd be back on campus. Unfortunately, her response made Cat squeal loudly, and Jade winced.
"Are you two back together properly now?" Cat questioned, eyes wide and a big smile on her face.
"Yeah."
"Yay! I knew it wouldn't last!" Her statement caused Jade to blink suddenly in confusion, had Cat really not though their break-up would be permanent?
"Why are we here though?" Cat looked up at Jade's old house in confusion, unsure as to why when Jade had asked if she wanted to hang out, she had then asked her to come over to the house.
"I need to get some stuff." Jade said shortly, finding the cuff of her sleeve again and tugging.
"Okay."
Her response was one of the things Jade liked most about Cat. She didn't need big justifications or explanations, often happy to just accept what she was told.
Cat wasn't an idiot, she knew exactly what had happened here a few weeks ago and now she realised if Jade needed things, it was probably too difficult for her to come alone. She felt a little elated that Jade had asked her and not Beck who had she had suddenly seemed to rely on a great deal. Cat had tried not to take it personally, especially when it mixed with the guilt of what Jade had been going through, but Cat also missed her friend; Jade was one of the few people who didn't make her feel like an idiot.
Jade pulled the keys from her pocket and shoved it into the front door. The air that hit them was stale and cool; not at all welcoming. Jade stood in the door for a moment before convincing her feet to move inside, her eyes immediately drawn to the top of the staircase. She could see it all again, the push and the fall in a vision that swum disjointed before her eyes. She stood frozen to the floor before a small nudge from Cat brought her back to reality. Cat linked her arm, as she had done since they were in third grade, and Jade let herself be guided into the foyer as the door was kicked shut behind them.
"Do you just want stuff from your room?"
Jade nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet as her stomach tied itself in knots.
"Jadey? Do you wanna go up?" Cat prompted quietly, trying to get her best friend's attention. Jade didn't say anything, but she moved forward, pulling Cat with her.
Jade couldn't help but think it was stupid, she was now scared of a staircase; or at least, her PTSD brain was scared of it. She wanted to glower at the fancy marble and stomp up it like she had so many times before, but she couldn't quite find it within herself to do it. Instead she walked carefully, focusing on the warm arm connected to hers and being relieved that her broken shoulder would make sure she didn't accidentally reach for the ornate railing.
In for three, hold for three, out for four.
Her pulse was loud in her ears and Jade was well aware she was walking a thin line between success and total collapse. For a moment, she considered running in the other direction straight out of the house and slamming the door on it and everything in it, but she knew it was a fantasy; hiding from the issues had been something that had put her on this path to begin with.
As they walked down the short corridor to her room, Jade braced herself for the destruction she knew was waiting for her there. As they reached the threshold, both girls gasped although for different reasons. For Cat, it was the shock of seeing the usually neat room in complete disarray but for Jade it was the evidence that someone had been in there, evidently clearing things up.
Beck.
She felt an intense rush of affection for her boyfriend who had obviously been clearing it up as he kept coming to retrieve clothes for her. She bit her lip, wondering if she could ever repay him for everything he'd done in the last few weeks before scolding herself; Beck had been firm about the fact that he wasn't doing this as a favour, he was doing it because he cared for her.
She broke free from Cat's arm and made her way into the room, pausing only briefly to pick up a lone butterfly that had seemingly fallen off the careful pile stacked on the dresser. There was much less glass than she remembered, Beck had obviously made that a priority. She ended up perching on the bed for a moment as Cat made her way to the wardrobe where her clothes were either hanging or had been hastily stacked on the floor.
"Do you want all your clothes Jadey?"
"Might as well. Is there a suitcase in there?" It was the most she'd said since they'd entered the house, but Cat was just happy to have a response. As Cat started pulling out
"Yeah, right at the back." Cat replied, pulling out the black suitcase which still had their transfer stickers from the ill-fated trip to Yerba.
As Cat set about pulling out clothes, Jade went through the bedside drawers which had been returned to the cabinet. The contents was hap-hazard, evidently having been stuffed in to get it off the floor but it was odd to Jade to be going through her own drawers and not knowing what she would find in them. Cat chattered on as she sorted Jade's clothes, passing comments on things she liked or memories of when Jade had worn them although it lacked some of her usual gusto. Jade half-listened as she pulled out books, notebooks, chargers, pencils and other assorted items; trying to decide what should stay for now and what should come with her. It was dawning that she hadn't really thought things through, they had no car and only one suitcase.
"Isn't this Beck's?" Jade looked up and smiled as she saw Cat holding Beck's old leather jacket. He hadn't worn it in almost a year, and she'd forgotten it was in there. She'd managed to steal it off of him quite early on, but they did compromise that he could wear it occasionally as long as she always got it back. She held up her hand and Cat chucked it over to her. The leather was soft and worn but somehow still smelled a little like him. She looked up again to see Cat smiling stupidly at her and Jade rolled her eyes although with no genuine annoyance.
"Is there another case? I don't think it's all going to fit!"
"I think there's one down the hall." 'In the closet next to her room' Jade finished in her head. "I'll go look."
Cat nodded before turning back to the pile of clothes.
As Jade found herself back in the hall, her eyes lingered on the Juliet balcony, remembering her awkward climb through the day of the incident. It seemed like another lifetime now. She made her way down the adjacent hall, heading for the closet where she knew there should be other suitcases stacked. The closet right next to her mother's bedroom. She knew she shouldn't look but it was impossible not to.
The room was in a similar state to her own, although it bore signs that it had been like it for much longer. While the once artsy pictures remained on the wall, there was thick layer of dust on top of them, the bed was in a state of disarray with one pillow split down the middle and what looked like a scorch mark on the greying mattress cover. A syringe lay discarded on the floor among other detritus, an ashtray overflowing on the nightstand and the stale smell of alcohol and weed hung around the room in haze, even after the weeks of emptiness.
Jade's eyes flicked over the room, her lack of desire to go any further surprising her slightly. Her gaze ended up on the cluttered dresser, the solid pine no longer visible under open make-up cases, screwed up clothing and an old briefcase among others. Just visible at the back was the top of a photo-frame, the picture completely obscured by the assortment of items in-front of it. Jade didn't need to see it to remember the contents, a photo taken a few years after the one that sat in the corner of her father's office of Jade as a toddler, sitting in her mother's lap in the garden; they had been wearing identical smiles. For the second time in as many minutes, Jade was surprised by the lack of a want to go and retrieve the photo, the absence of a desire to look at it even one last time. She let out a small breath and backed out of the doorway, quietly pulling the door shut as she went until she heard the final click as the catch slid into place.
Jade turned to reach for the closet only to catch Cat standing there, watching her in total silence. She offered Cat a small smile who wasted no time in crossing the small distance between them and enveloping her in a hug, which this time Jade returned without hesitation; a firm understanding passed between them.
As they pulled a second suitcase out of the dusty closet, Jade found herself longing for something she hadn't in a while; conversation.
"So, what did Trina look like after the sprinkler went off?"
"Oh my god, I think if a paint box had a baby with a clown, their children would like her face did."
Beck had barely sat down on the couch in his parent's front room when a mug of tea was being pushed into his hands by his dad. Evan Oliver was not a conflict-averse person, he believed that you should face problems directly and sometimes that caused conflict, but he would never forget what his mother drilled into him about the conciliatory powers of a good cup of tea. He had hoped to never be in a position where he had to start a conversation with his son with a cup of tea designed to appease him, but some things could not be helped. He was worried about him, more so than he had been when they'd been in Canada as he could now see that Beck did not look good; the bags under his eyes belying the lack of sleep that his son's uncharacteristically short attitude had suggested.
He watched as his wife sat nervously next to their son, her eyes glued to his face as he took a sip of the tea. He wasn't sure there was a 'good' way to have the conversation that needed to follow but, as his parents, they needed to understand the situation at hand. As much as Beck had his independence, they were still legally responsible for him for a while longer and, more than that, they loved him a great deal.
"How is Jade?" Abigail repeated the question from earlier.
"Recovering. I think she's starting to make good progress; she talks a lot to Lane but it's a lot to take in as well."
"And she's still staying at her father's?" Evan questioned.
Beck nodded in response and Evan frowned.
"I didn't think they got along." He stated neutrally. In actuality, he hadn't really been that much involved when his son was dating Jade; he hadn't thought much of her or her parents, given the piercings and tattoos that adorned her body. He had assumed it was part of Beck's attempt at a teenage rebellion and therefore decided it was better to ignore it entirely. Abigail had taken a different tack, actively worrying about Jade's influence over Beck which had only led to a distance between the two of them and their son.
However, Evan did remember a conversation he had overheard when Beck and Jade had arrived back at the RV late one night the summer they started dating. The heat meant he had been restless and all the windows in the house were open and he caught snatches of a conversation where Beck had been reassuring Jade about something involving her father. Evan had put two and two together quickly and thought that a disinterested father would definitely explain Jade's own rebellious attitude. He had been shocked when Abigail had told him that Jade was in hospital and exactly how she got there.
"They don't, he's useless." Beck said shortly, a warning in his tone that his father heeded.
"And you've been staying with her?"
"Yes." Beck idly wondered if Jade was rubbing off on him, one-word answers were not normally his thing. Guilt stabbed at him as he saw the naked worry in his mother's eyes, the tension in his father's profile as he leaned against the doorframe.
"It was the easiest thing to do, we both slept better that way."
"You don't look like you've been sleeping son." Evan interjected, again his voice calm and neutral.
"I sleep but it's disrupted. Bad dreams." Beck offered by way of explanation, trying to match his dad's voice.
"About Jade?" His mother asked timidly, treating Beck as though he were a bomb that could spring at any moment.
"Yeah." Beck let out a long breath, he didn't want to talk but at the same time he was tired of bottling it all up.
"Sometimes it's fine but others I can just see her there, and-" He trailed off, worried he'd said too much.
Abigail couldn't stop herself from putting a hand on Beck's knee; it hurt to see her son so lost.
"I thought I was handling things but the last week it's just got out of my control, a little." For once, he wasn't trying to downplay his feelings, but he honestly had thought after the first chat with Lane that he would be fine.
"Have you spoken to Mr Lane about it?" His mother asked.
"It's just Lane mom and yeah he's given me some stuff I can do."
"I think you should see someone properly Beck." His father's tone was firm, but Beck still felt the need to argue.
"Lane can do it just fine."
"I'm not disputing that Lane is a qualified man, but he is already treating Jade and, given the seriousness of the situation, likely will be for some time to come. He suggested it might be best for you to find someone else."
Beck felt a sense of betrayal that Lane had told his parent's this before he told him. He now understood Jade's reaction to Dr Williamson as the thought of talking to someone he didn't know about something incredibly personal was almost disturbing.
"Are you sure this isn't just an attempt to get me away from Jade again?" Beck lashed out.
"Why would you even say that Beck?" Abigail was appalled her son even thought that was their motivation.
"You never liked her, either of you." He accused, pushing off his mother's hand as he stood to pace in agitation.
"I'll admit I wasn't her biggest fan, I didn't think she was right for you but that doesn't mean I want any harm to come to her."
Abigail picked her words carefully, not wanting to upset her son further. She had felt guilt since Beck had called her that Friday evening, guilt for the way she'd brushed off Jade's attitude as unpleasantness and never bothered to look any further. Between what Beck and Lane had passed on about her situation, Jade had been failed by many of the adults in her life and Abigail felt like in a small way she was one of them.
"We want to look out for both of you." Evan interjected, not wanting the situation to get out of control. "That's why we've been liaising with Lane and Principal Eikner to make sure we are all acting in both yours and Jade's best interests. You're not adults just yet Beck."
Suddenly it was as though all the fight went out of Beck and he collapsed back onto the couch, an apology falling from his lips.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have accused you." Abigail moved closer to her son, this time putting an arm around his broad shoulders – when had her son grown up so much?
"We will get through this Beck, all of us. Now, let's order some food and talk about something else for a while. Lane has suggested that part of the problem is that you've had no respite over the last two weeks, and that is enough to make anyone exhausted."
Beck wanted to protest but knew it would be of no use.
"Come on, you can help me unpack and I'll catch you up on the family gossip; you won't believe what your Aunt Clara has done this time."
Abigail Oliver pulled her son to his feet and thrust one of the bags at him, shooting a meaningful look at her husband which he correctly interpreted as his cue to order some food in for them. Beck left the room listening to his mother describe the latest situation his father's sister had ended up in, pausing only to make sure his phone was on vibrate and placed securely in his jacket pocket.
Jade almost collapsed into the chair in Cat's back yard, the exertions of the morning now catching up with her. Stashed by Cat's front door were two suitcases and a duffel bag containing mostly clothes but some other personal items she'd salvaged from her room. She hadn't been ready to go back to her father's house and Cat had been practically bubbling over when Jade suggested they go back to hers instead. Cat's house was quiet as her parents were out with her brother on yet another therapy retreat but Cat didn't seem to notice, too happy that her best friend wanted to spend time with her. Cat's back garden wasn't as serene as her fathers, the lawn was a little untidy and mis-matched flowerpots with varying levels of plant life bordered the edge; there was noise from the road as Cat lived in a small pocket on the outskirts of town, bordering the main road in. Still, Jade found herself calm and almost relaxed in Cat's presence as she talked her through the rehearsal gossip for the Spring Showcase.
"So Sinjin got really upset but Sikowitz wouldn't budge, he said that his teeth collection just wasn't in the spirit of the performance."
"And it's damn creepy." Jade said flatly, confused as to how Sinjin even functioned as a person half the time.
"Tori's song is sounding really good but Andre keeps changing the lyrics last minute and I think she's starting to get annoyed."
Jade let herself be amused by that thought for a moment, although there was no real maliciousness there.
"Are you going to come to the showcase?" Cat asked, her voice suddenly timid and Jade started; the thought hadn't even occurred to her.
"Probably not." She replied honestly, thinking it would be far too weird to watch something she usually participated in; a reminder of all she'd managed to lose.
"But I worked really hard on my song." Cat's eyes got bigger and Jade knew she was being intentionally guilted, but it didn't stop her from feeling bad. She knew it was always hit and miss as to whether Cat's parents made it, as they were often busy juggling work and her brother, and her Nona was often also engaged elsewhere.
"I'll think about it." Jade relented
"Yay!"
"I said think, Cat." Cat shut her mouth, but her wide smile remained, certain her friend would come through for her. The pair went quiet for a moment as Jade's thoughts started to wander and Cat became distracted by a butterfly landing on her leg.
"Are you going to live at your Dad's now forever?" Cat's curiosity finally got the better of her. Despite having been in her mother's house that morning, Jade had still not been forthcoming with details about her situation.
"Yeah, well the next few years I guess."
"What'll happen to the other house?"
"I don't really know, I think my Grandfather tied the house up until I was 21 but now, she's … dead, I don't know what happens with it."
"When Grandmama died, Dad had to sell her house to pay for the funeral. When is your mum's funeral?" The question was innocent enough, but it bought Jade crashing back to her most recent turmoil and the question on a never-ending loop in her head.
"I don't know if she's getting a funeral – apparently it's something I've got to decide."
This caught Cat's attention, noticing her friend's sudden change in tone and the way her expression had morphed into something tense.
"And you can't choose?"
Jade shook her head.
"I just can't work out any of it." Jade was playing with her cuff again, struggling to keep her thoughts from spilling out knowing she'd only end up back where she started.
"When we had my Grandmama's funeral, Nona said it was about saying goodbye to someone for the last time."
Jade pondered Cat's words, saying goodbye was an odd concept to her for someone who was already dead; it didn't make sense to her.
"I think I said goodbye to her a long time ago Cat." Jade muttered, thinking of the recent years when her mother had barely been that to her, thinking of the shut bedroom door from earlier that day.
"Then there's your answer." Cat stated plainly, and Jade jerked her head up to meet Cat's eyes. It suddenly seemed so simple; the way Cat had defined it. Would a funeral give her anything she didn't have at the moment? No, there was nothing to do now, her mother was dead and with her died any hopes of reconciliation or explanations or answers; it was time to shut the door.
"I think you're right Cat." Jade murmured and Cat gave a half smile. "When did you get to be so smart?"
Well we are another chapter down, and I'll be honest I wasn't totally happy with last week's chapter so I hope this one reads well and you enjoyed Cat coming back into play. Things are really moving forward for Jade now, and the rest of the gang will be back shortly too.
Thanks to everyone who is still reading, feel free to share your thoughts in the box below.