Episode 42: Splatoony
JANUARY 25th, 2019
~Inkopolis News (Off The Hook) from Splatoon 2 starts to play~
Both members of Off The Hook, Pearl and Marina, were in Inkopolis Square's Inkopolis News Studio, hosting Inkopolis News. They were showcasing what stages were currently available for Turf Wars, with one of them being Shellendorf Institute.
"I heard they have human bones here!" Pearl said.
"I wish humans were real," Marina replied.
~Inkopolis News (Off The Hook) stops as Stonecarving City from Wario Land: Shake It! starts~
Right after Marina left her comment, Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Crazy Hand, Anna, Zigzagoon, and both Agents Three and Four walked by the glass separating the studio from the rest of Inkopolis. Marina noticed the gang wandering behind her, so she spun around in the blink of an eye.
~Stonecarving City stops as Holy Fucking Shit, It's A Dinosaur! starts~
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, IT'S A DINOSAUR! JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK?!" an unknown male voice sang while Marina was staring in awe at Wario, Waluigi, and Anna in particular. "OH MY FUCKING GOD, FUCKING DINOSAURS! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!"
~Holy Fucking Shit, It's A Dinosaur! stops~
"Did the disembodied voice sneak into the studio again?" Pearl groaned.
~Stonecarving City starts again~
Meanwhile, Wario, Waluigi, and the rest of the gang had already passed by the studio completely, approaching Inkopolis Square's Deca Tower.
"Sure is nice to spend a day off from that tournament to get to shoot each other in the face with ink!" Wario cheerfully remarked.
"Feels like most days are a day off from the tournament," Falco replied.
"Waa, not for me... kinda," Waluigi groaned.
"We sure are getting a lot of attention around here..." Anna stated. She kept looking around, noticing all of the Inklings, Octolings, and Jellies that were staring at Wario and Waluigi's gang. Wario and Waluigi started looking around as well, only they noticed what looked like Weegee staring at them as opposed to the Inkopolis citizens Anna was noticing.
"Waa! Weegee!" Wario yelled.
"Get him!" Waluigi ordered. Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Crazy, and Zigzagoon raced over to where "Weegee", who was standing still, was and quickly started pulverizing "him". Within seconds, the four idiots had figured out that "Weegee" was just a cardboard cutout of Weegee after they had ripped the cardboard head off.
"Hey! Even my parents are staring at us!" Agent Four squealed.
~Stonecarving City stops again~
"AGENT FOUR YOU LOUSY TERRIBLE CHILD WHAT DID I TELL YOU I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE AFTER YOU TURNED EIGHTEEN I DID THE BARE MINIMUM TO RAISE YOU AND YOU STILL WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING-" an older and taller female Inkling with blue tentacles screeched, standing in front of grater leading to Octo Canyon, next to a tombstone with the words "Squidan 1970 - 1999" engraved on it. Marie popped out of the grater right before one of Plankton's Ham-mer robots arrived and silenced the blue female Inkling by flattening her with its Ham-themed hammer. The Ham-mer left, and so did the tombstone, sliding across the ground. Marie, Anna, and Agent Three stared at the flattened Inkling with a stare of concern, while Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Crazy, and Zigzagoon just stared a normal stare, with Wario munching on the severed cardboard Weegee head. Meanwhile, Agent Four was just smiling.
"See you later mom, see you later dad!" the blue Inkling boy chirped.
"Uh... how about we get back to heading into Deca Tower so we can start playing together and not focus on what just happened before our very eyes?" Anna nervously suggested.
"Yeah! Woohoo!" Agent Four cheered. Everyone raced into Deca Tower, and the metal doors slid shut right behind them. After a few seconds of silence, a cannon suddenly popped out of the tower's top. The cannon shot Wario, Waluigi, and the rest of the gang out, causing Anna to scream during their flight.
XxXx
Wario, Waluigi, and the rest of the group were at Moray Towers. Wario, Waluigi, Anna, and Agent Four stood on tower, while Falco, Crazy, Zigzagoon, and Agent Three stood on the other. Everyone had ink tanks strapped to their back, and each of them had a weapon on some sort in their hands.
"Three minutes!" Agent Four shouted.
"Whichever team inks the most turf wins!" Agent Three loudly added.
"Understood?!" both Inklings yelled.
"Yes!" Wario hollered.
"Yeah!" Anna shouted.
"Goon!" Zigzagoon excitedly growled.
"No," Crazy calmly said.
~Splattack! (Squid Squad) from Splatoon starts to play~
"GO!" both agents yelled. Both teams raced down from the spawn points, with each team members scattering as they went down Moray Towers. Wario, Waluigi, Falco, and Zigzagoon raced down to the bottom of the towers. Falco made a small pool of orange ink at the center of the stage with his Jet Squelcher and dove down in it. Unalike an Inkling however, Falco only got covered completely in the ink rather than fully hiding in it. Wario, standing on top of the blue team's tower right next to the center, noticed Falco easily, and fired a large blast from his Dinner Blaster. The oblivious Falco sat there until the blue blast of ink blew up next to him, sending him flying off of the stage. A strange mechanical hand grabbed Falco before the space pilot could fall to his demise and took him back up to the orange team's spawn point. With Falco safe again, the mechanical hand patted him on the head and gave him a sandwich before flying off.
"Thank you weird hand thing made solely for this match that will likely never see use ever again!" Falco chirped before nibbling on his sandwich. Meanwhile, all of the blue team were down by the center, drenching it with blue ink, when suddenly an orange stream of ink struck Waluigi in the face, knocking him off Moray Towers. The rest of the blue team stared back at the orange team's central tower, finding Zigzagoon with his sniper rifle. Zigzagoon sniped Wario off the stage as well before Anna and Agent Four hid from the Pokémon's wrath. Agent Four raced back up to the blue team's central tower, inking up as much uninked space as possible with his Kensa Splattershot Pro. Right before he reached the top of the tower, Agent Four gained access to his special, the Booyah Bomb, from all the turf he had inked.
"Everyone! Give me your power!" the blue Inkling demanded. He rose up into the air, covered in a special armor, and started forming an ink ball over his head with his hands.
"Waa, how are we supposed to do that?" Wario asked as he and Waluigi landed right behind Agent Four.
"Say booyah!" Agent Four answered while the ink ball grew very sluggishly.
"... Booyah?" Waluigi uttered. Somehow, the word "booyah" flew out of Waluigi's mouth as he said it, and the word flew right into the Booyah Bomb. The ink ball grew a tad bit larger once it sucked up the word. Wario and Waluigi gave each other a surprised glance before grinning.
"Booyah!" the yellow weirdo exclaimed.
"Booyah!" the lanky pest repeated.
"Booyah!" Anna also repeated. Meanwhile, Squidward was somehow in front of the blue team's spawn point, and a Boo appeared behind him.
"Boo!" the Boo boo'd.
"YAH!" Squidward screeched before mindlessly running off the stage. All the constant booyahs allowed the Booyah Bomb to grow into a large size. Agent Four threw the Booyah Bomb at the tower Zigzagoon was still on while Falco and Agent Three arrived on it.
"BOOYAH BOMB! RUN!" Agent Three screamed, noticing the giant ball of ink once she landed. Zigzagoon ran down the ramp leading to the central area while Agent Three swam up the ramp leading back to the spawn tower. And Falco just sat there, staring in awe at the large blue ball of ink.
"It's so beautiful... and blue..." the space bird muttered.
"I guess you could say it's... BLUE-tiful!" Sans the skeleton joked, appearing next to Falco.
"Oh hey, you're back!" Falco said to Sans before the skeleton vanished just as quickly as he arrived. "And he's gone aga-" That's when the Booyah Bomb finally came into contact with the tower Falco was standing on. After the ink bomb exploded and covered most of the tower, it was revealed that Falco was still standing, although he was drenched in blue ink. The space pilot opened his eyes before finally yet suddenly flying off the stage like he should have seconds earlier.
"Wait... where's Crazy?" Agent Three asked herself.
~Splattack! (Squid Squad) stops as Tom Fool by Van Phillips starts~
"La la la la la..." Crazy quietly sang, slowly covering every last inch of the area right in front of the orange team's spawn point of covered in ink with his new Permanent Inkbrush.
~Tom Fool stops~
The two teams kept splattering each other. However, three adult Inklings and adult Octoling were watching the gang mess around from the highway right next to Moray Towers. One Inkling motioned the rest of her gang to follow them, and they all Super Jumped all the way over to the middle of Moray Towers... and landed on top of each other.
"Oh no! Dead bodies are falling from the sky!" Falco cried out, standing next to the pile of cephalopods.
~#2 ripped (Dedf1sh) from Splatoon 2 starts to play~
"We're not dead bodies, you stupid mutant!" the Inkling leading the quartet growled as the rest of Wario and Waluigi's gang bar Crazy surrounded the four newcomers.
"Oh hey, it's my bully from all the way back to my elementary school days, Abyss!" Agent Four pointed out.
"Bully?!" Anna growled.
"Yeah, I've bullied this little brat ever since we were both kids. Now he's the only kid, and I still give him what he deserves!" the green Inkling chuckled.
"I'M NINETEEN!" Agent Four yelled.
"Yeah, now buzz off, you creeps!" Agent Three demanded, readying her Splattershot.
"Oh my. You're all so rude. We haven't even properly introduced ourselves, and you're already harassing us into leaving?" Abyss mockingly asked.
"Harassing? No. Rightfully telling you to beat it? Yes," Wario growled.
"I'm afraid we aren't leaving. Especially not before you fools get our names through to your mindless heads. C'mon gang, you know what to do," Abyss said.
~#2 ripped (Dedf1sh) stops as Seasick (Diss-Pair) from the same game starts~
"Abyss: Killer Queen From The Dark Alleys!" Abyss yelled, preforming the throat-slitting gesture with a vile smile on her face.
"Missile: Weapon Developer," the only male Inkling of Abyss's gang replied as he aimed his Kensa Rapid Blaster.
"Fortune: Gold Collector!" the female Octoling of the group cackled before she pulled out an ingot of gold.
~Seasick (Diss-Pair) stops~
"I'M MAYBELLE AND I'M BEING HELD HERE AGAINST MY WI-" the last member of the group, another female Inkling, and the youngest looking of the bunch, cried out before Abyss covered the poor girl's mouth.
~Seasick (Diss-Pair) starts again~
"And together we are..." Abyss started.
"Team Red Deluge!" Abyss, Missile, and Fortune exclaimed, raising their fists into the air as Maybelle just sat in the background.
~Seasick (Diss-Pair) stops again~
"Alright, you had your lousy excuses of introductions, now get lost. Preferably out in the wilderness," Waluigi groaned.
"Fufufu, we still aren't leaving, morons. We came here to train. This is a part of OUR turf, after all," Abyss evilly cackled. "That, and, well, since we noticed Agent Four here is back in town, we're going to treat him like the lowlife he is."
"You people are terrible even for bully standards!" Anna growled.
"Yeah, you're actually slightly worse than two certain dunces," Lucario, standing right behind Wario and Waluigi, replied.
"Waa! How and when did you get here?!" Waluigi demanded to know.
"I followed you here to make sure you idiots didn't cause any damage around places like this that aren't prepared for your usual brand of chaos, even if my sanity would inevitable fall apart as usual. I was right behind you the whole time," the Aura Pokémon answered whilst Kellam approached from behind Lucario. "Oh yeah, and this guy was with me the whole time."
"Say, little one, how about we make a deal? We have a turf war over where we can get some perfect privacy. Us four against four of you," Abyss suggested to Agent Four. "You win, and I'll leave you alone from now until the end of time. I win, you have to stay out of my sight and my territories. Capiche?"
"I accept!" Agent Four yelled.
"Agent Four, no!" Agent Three cried out.
"Agent Four YES!" Abyss squealed in delight. "You have one hour to prepare. Meet us at Flounder Heights by then." Abyss signaled to the rest of her team again, and they all Super Jumped out of sight.
"Oh boy, an excuse to pulverize losers!" Wario said.
"Yeah, we're gonna beat those punks with you, Agent Four!" Waluigi added.
"Thanks guys! I knew I could count on you!" the blue Inkling cheered.
"You can count on us, and you can count how many times we'll own those jerks in that match!" Falco claimed.
"And I'll be counting how many mistakes you nimrods make during those three minutes," Lucario thought to himself. "I'll also be counting how many scummy things that Red Deluge team's going to pull."
"Yeah!" Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Anna, and Agent Four cheered as Agent Three donned a nervous smile.
XxXx
~Team Galactic Building from Pokémon: Diamond/ Pearl starts to play~
All four members of Team Red Deluge were sitting on the rooftops of Flounder Heights. Maybelle was tied up and gagged via rope and duct tape respectively while the other three were fiddling with their phones until Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Anna, Zigzagoon, and the two Inklings, flying in on the Wario Car, crash landed on the streets below.
"Oh heck that was fast!" Abyss cried out, rushing over to free Maybelle.
"Waa, yeah, that trip felt like it only took a few seconds," Wario responded as everyone got out of the Wario Car.
"Wait a minute... hold up! Crazy Hand's still missing!" Agent Three pointed out.
XxXx
~Team Galactic Building stops as Rosalina In The Comet Observatory 3 from Super Mario Galaxy starts~
Crazy was in the center of Moray Towers, carefully painting the small area away. With one final touch, Crazy stopped painting and floated up high to see his work... which was a fully colored painting of Lucina in a two piece bikini at the beach.
"I don't get it," Crazy remarked.
XxXx
~Rosalina In The Comet Observatory 3 stops~
"Who's this Crazy person they're blabbering about?" Fortune whispered to Abyss.
"Who else but themselves?" Abyss joked, only earning a chuckle from Missile and no one else. Fortune awkwardly looked away, Maybelle anxiously sat in place, and Wario and Waluigi's gang growled in response.
"Can it, you spineless pile of flesh! The only crazy ones here are you three!" Waluigi grunted.
"Three?" Missile asked.
"Waa, we like Maybelle. She's cool," the lanky weirdo answered. The shorter Inkling smiled a tiny, nervous smile in response, though said smile would fade away in seconds.
"Just letting you know, you just landed yourselves higher up on the list of people I hate. No one calls me spineless," Abyss growled. "Now shut up and pick which four of you numbskulls are going to fight again-" Suddenly, Wario, Waluigi, Agent Four, and Agent Three zipped right up into Abyss's face. "AH WHAT THE FLIP?!"
"Get ready to get pulverized, loser!" Wario taunted. "Because no one messes with one of our friends!"
"Yeah, and no one messes with my friends after they've been messing with me for most of my life!" Agent Four added.
"Yeah sure whatever. Go over to your spawn point. The rest of you, either get out of here, or watch us crush your friends from-" Abyss muttered before noticing Falco, Anna, Zigzagoon, and even Lucario and the Octoling named Agent Eight sitting bleachers away from the battle area of Flounder Heights. "... bleachers that weren't there seconds ago?" Meanwhile, Judd and Li'l Judd were sitting on bleachers parallel to the ones Wario and Waluigi's gang were on.
"Hello, very few people who are actually here. My name's Judd, and I will be fairly evaluating the amount of ink turfed after the match is done, and am not being forced to give a biased score because someone who was bribed is forcing me to do so," Judd nervously remarked as Li'l Judd pointed a gun at the bigger cat's head. All members of both teams made it to their spawn points and waited. "Ready?" Wario, Waluigi, and Agent Four growled in anger. Meanwhile, three Gulpin and a Swalot arrived on the bleachers the rest of the gang were sitting at and started growling too before a Growlithe came and joined in on the growling. Meanwhile, Abyss glared at the opposing team with a vile smile while the rest of her team got into battle positions.
~Seaskape from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate starts to play~
"Go!" Judd yelled. Both groups leaped down and started covering everything with ink. Waluigi rushed up to the tree near the blue team's spawn point and drenched it with ink, angering a bunch of cicadas hiding in the leaves and on the bark. The cicadas flew out and chased after the purple punk while the rest of Waluigi's team did their job. Meanwhile, both Abyss and Missile made it to the top of the two towers.
"You might want to whip out that secret weapon of yours," Abyss told her green comrade.
"Heh, with pleasure," Missile replied. Missile slid over to the tower closest to the blue team's spawn point and hid behind the wall. He then pulled out a unique rocket launcher and aimed it right for Agent Four and Agent Three.
"You guys better get ready! We're about to run into those jerks any minute n-" the now blue Agent Three said to her teammates before Missile fired a rocket at the two inklings. Agent Four barely managed to evade the large explosion while Agent Three got hit by the rocket itself, knocking her out right away.
"Cheater! That's an unofficial weapon!" Agent Four cried out.
"Have you not noticed that your fat buddy is also using an unofficial weapon?" Missile pointed out while Wario was covering a lot of turf really quickly with the Dinner Blaster in the streets. Missile shot out another rocket, which Agent Four leaped out of its blast range. Meanwhile, Waluigi leaped off into the abyss right next to the blue team's spawn point, taking the chasing cicadas and a chasing Nincada that just arrived with him. One of the mechanical hands from before grabbed Waluigi, another one grabbed the Nincada, and the cicadas fell to their death. Waluigi was brought back to the blue team's spawn point as Agent Three was getting revived.
"Waluigi! Abyss and her cronies are cheating!" the blue Inkling girl informed.
"Waa! Only me and Wario are allowed to cheat! Thankfully, Waluigi knows how to cheat back!" Waluigi rushed off, pulling out an ingot of gold from his pockets. As Waluigi ran off to the alternate path by the tree he inked earlier, Agent Four and Missile were trying to eliminate each other while the blue boy Inkling approached the tower Missile was hiding on. Agent Four inked the wall leading up to the tower when Missile finally hit the younger-looking Inking, splatting him with a single shot. Only once Missile heard a weapon get loaded did he realize that Wario was right behind him, aiming the Dinner Blaster at his head.
"So long, loser!" Wario cackled, pulling the trigger. Missile got splatted, and blue ink scattered all over the tower and covered Wario's face entirely. Wario wiped the ink off, but Abyss managed to knock him off the stage with her Clash Blaster from behind.
"Idiot," Abyss scoffed before Agent Three splatted the vile green Inkling with her Splattershot.
"Hypocrite," Agent Three mocked. She ran across the towers and the gate bridge connecting them and covered them with blue ink while she had the chance. Down on Team Red Deluge's side, Waluigi was also spreading ink when he came across Fortune. The Octoling aimed her Splat Umbrella at the purple weirdo, but instantly dropped it when he handed over the gold ingot.
~Seaskape stops~
"Whuhwhat?" Fortune uttered awkwardly.
"We give you this, you stop working for that lousy, pathetic, and irredeemable Abyss. Got it?" Waluigi bluntly said.
"... Yeah, deal," the green Octoling replied, taking the ingot. Waluigi raced off to the bleachers Judd and Li'l Judd were sitting on, leaving Fortune to blankly stare at the ingot. "You know... if I can get gold from guys like those..."
~Seaskape starts again~
"Please Li'l J, I beg you, let us judge things without bias from a bribe," the original Judd begged, with Li'l Judd still aiming his gun at the back of Judd's head. Judd's pleas only enraged Li'l Judd, to the point that the veins in his head became more visible in his thicket of fur. Thankfully, Waluigi arrived in the nick of time and handed the smaller cat three gold ingots.
"Merry Christmas in January!" Waluigi exclaimed as he did his weird ass air swim to head back to the battle area of Flounder Heights. Li'l Judd instantly lost his anger and replaced it for joy as he stared at the glistening ingots of gold. The original Judd sighed, but Li'l Judd returned to pointing a gun at the larger cat, though only with a neutral expression like before. Abyss saw the whole ordeal, growled, and Super Jumped over to the bleachers the cat duo were on to give Li'l Judd five gold ingots. Waluigi air swam back and rammed ten gold ingots into Li'l Judd's puny face.
"Waa, beat it, seafood!" Waluigi growled, dumping fifteen ingots on Li'l Judd.
"No, you beat it, l- wait, what the heck did you say?" Abyss nervously replied. The two kept ramming more and more gold ingots into Li'l Judd until he was covered in a pile of them, unable to escape from his golden prison. With Li'l Judd stuck, the original Judd chucked both Waluigi and Abyss back over to the battle area. Waluigi got struck by one of Missile's rockets in mid air, sending him flying over the blue team's spawn point as Agent Four was respawning from it. The blue boy Inkling shrugged before rushing ahead. Before long, right after Wario started strangling Missile, Agent Four noticed Maybelle cowering in fear in the streets of the blue team's side.
~Seaskape stops again~
"Gah! B-back away, please!" Maybelle begged, aiming her Mini Splatling at the approaching Inkling. "I don't want to hur-" Agent Four then gave Maybelle a hug, soothing her nerves.
"It's OK. You didn't need to fear us. Or stupid ugly Abyss. We'll take care of her," Agent Four remarked, letting Maybelle go. "You just sit back, relax, and do whatever you feel like until this match is over. And if big fat meanie Abyss shows up, we'll beat the stuffing out of her."
"R-really?" Maybelle uttered.
"Yeah, we'll leave the bleachers and join in to beat her up!" Falco screamed loud enough for the two Inklings to hear.
"So don't worry about her! We'll win this, and then we'll report to the authorities that she literally kidnapped someone and forced them to do her bidding!" Agent Four added before realizing something. "Oh... Abyss actually kidnapped someone and forced them to... wow, that's yet another new low for Abyss. And here I thought, after all those years of her constantly harassing and beating me, she couldn't get any worse. Wack. Oh well, back to owning stupid Abyss!" Agent Four ran off, covering more of the ground, but leaving Maybelle a small open space to stand in. Back at Red Deluge's green spawn point, both Abyss and Missile respawned.
"How are these dolts suddenly beating us?!" Abyss demanded to know.
"Why don't you look-" Missile said before getting interrupted by Gay Luigi, who also spawned in using Red Deluge's spawn point.
"OVER THERE!" the meme version of Luigi iconically exclaimed, pointing over to Fortune, who was staring at her new gold ingot.
"FORTUNE! You lousy goon! Why aren't you doing your job?!" the leader Inkling shouted.
"I'm sick and tired of your awful behavior, that's why! You bribe me into doing YOUR disgusting work, and yet you still treat me and especially Maybelle like trash! Well, that and they bribed me to do absolutely nothing."
"Agh! Tell you what, I'll give you two gold ingots if you get back to work," Abyss groaned, holding the two ingots.
"Ngh... must... resist... urge... to commit awful acts for an awful person just for the sake of riches..." Fortune groaned within her head, wincing at the sight of the shining gold. "No! You can't bribe me anymore! Never again! Never!"
"Bleh... whatever, at least we still have-" Abyss muttered until she saw Maybelle just standing in her small space. "MAYBELLE! That useless coward! She's just sitting in a corner!"
"Is she legitimately afraid of these morons? What's even so scary about two Inklings and-" Missile remarked until the two trashy Inklings stared at Wario and Waluigi.
~The Creature (A) by Gregor Narholz starts to play~
The two brothers stared back at Abyss and Missile, but for whatever reason their faces were disturbingly realistic, their eyes were bloodshot, and their eyelids were twitching.
~The Creature (A) stops~
"O... K... maybe those two are scary..." Missile nervously remarked, both Inklings shaking in fear, even after Wario and Waluigi's faces went back to normal. Abyss shook her head and broke free of her fears and back into reality.
"Ah! Forget about them! We need to win this match, and not only are both of our pathetic teammates now traitors, but the judge we bribed is out of the picture! Do you know what that means?!"
"Oh... that means..." Missile softly cackled, one of the most evil smiles growing on his face. "That means... I finally get to test out my current ultimate creation..."
"Yeah yeah exactly. Now shut up resident mad scientist and come with me!" Abyss commanded. The two partners in crime and just being dicks ran back, even sneaking past their spawn point. Meanwhile, Wario, Waluigi, and the two agent Inklings had already covered most of the stage, with only a little bit of turf left right in the area where the blue team couldn't reach and the two very small spots Fortune and Maybelle had to stand in.
"Just one more minute guys! One more and we win if we keep this up!" Agent Four pointed out.
"Hold on... where did Abyss and that other guy go?" Agent Three wondered.
"Dunno don't care. All I care about is making inappropriate images with our ink now!" Wario chuckled, standing at his creation... which was an ink picture of an ugly Mario head.
"And that's mistake number fifty-five from Wario and Waluigi across this entire match," Lucario groaned while Falco scarfed down a whole loaf of bread down his throat right behind the Aura Pokémon. "But more importantly, Agent Three's right. Where DID those two-"
~Big Top Bop from Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze starts to play~
Suddenly, a giant, green tank covered with numerous splashes of other ink colors fell down onto Red Deluge's spawn point.
"... Go," Lucario finished.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Maybelle screamed, even as she Super Jumped miles away from Flounder Heights.
"WHAT THE HECK! THAT'S A TANK USED IN THE GREAT TURF WAR!" Agent Three shrieked.
"War nerd," Agent Four quietly replied.
"Excuse you. This is a MODIFIED Great Turf War tank, with numerous improvements, designed by moi," Missile informed, popping out of the top of the large mobile weapon.
"Shut up and start using this thing, you dolt!" Abyss ordered. Missile dived back into the tank in his squid form, the top shut itself, and the tank started moving forwards.
"OK, I knew for a while now you were a scum bag, but you even use weapons of actual war for a bloody turf war?!" Fortune screamed.
"Of course! I'm an Inkling who wants to win!" Abyss growled.
"And an Inkling who has an irrational hatred for others and only thirsts for the suffering of others!" Agent Four cheerfully pointed out as Lucario, Falco, Anna, and Zigzagoon leaped from the bleachers and onto the blue team's side of Flounder Heights.
"SHUT UP, YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF FLESH!" the edgy female Inkling whined. She slammed a button within the tank, forcing the heavy machine to fire a large sphere of green ink at one of the towers in the battle area. The top part of the tower blew up into several tiny pieces, and once the dust settled from the explosion, it was revealed that a sole adult Inkling stood in what remained of the building, mildly irritated.
"Not this again..." the new Inkling groaned.
"WHERE IS MY GOOD FOR NOTHING ADULT CHILD I NEED TO YELL AT HIM MORE FOR-" Agent Four's mom roared, marching towards Flounder Heights before some debris from the explosion crushed her.
"Waa! Buzz off, you lousy, worthless, disgusting punk!" Wario roared. He threw away his ink tank and loaded the Dinner Blaster with the usual burning plates of spaghetti before firing a single plate at the tank. Unfortunately, the plate just splatted against the weapon of mass destruction's front side. The tank stopped, and Abyss poked out just long enough to grab the plate and what little spaghetti still clung to it.
"What kind of ink is this?" the edgelord Inkling wondered once she was back within the tank, still holding the spaghetti. She took a quick, curious look at the meal before licking some of the sauce. "Mmm! Don't know what it is, but it tastes good!"
"Bruh, really?" Missile remarked, staring at Abyss.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Waluigi shrieked while he flew towards the tank. Once he landed on the destructive machine, he started smacking it with his tennis racket, with occasional stomps on it for good measure.
~Big Top Bop stops as Jubilife City (Daytime) from Pokémon: Diamond/ Pearl starts~
However, all Waluigi's attacks did was make loud banging that both of the chaotic Inklings ignored. Abyss kept licking the sauce on the spaghetti while Missile kept pressing the tank's buttons randomly to the music.
~Jubilife City (Daytime) stops as Big Top Bop starts again~
"Take this, criminal scum!" Falco yelled. He fired lasers from his Blaster at the tank, but just like the spaghetti before them, the small lasers did nothing to the metal monstrosity.
"How much of a vile person do you have to be t-" Lucario growled, charging up an Aura Sphere, before Agent Four interrupted.
"We don't need several people calling out their disgusting behavior, Lucario. Now shut up and just attack them."
"Uh... alright," the Aura Pokémon muttered. Everyone besides Waluigi started unleashing projectiles if they had them at the tank. Even Judd assaulted the tank from his bleachers with a real gatling gun. However, the tank was only slowed down just a tad bit from all the projectiles.
"Idiots! Trash! IDIOTIC TRASH!" Abyss screamed. "You morons really think you can stop us from owning you so hard?!"
"Yes," Wario and Waluigi calmly said.
"You aren't doing a single thing to us! So just give up and let us win already!" Abyss slammed the big red button within the tank, resulting in another blast of ink being fired, though everyone managed to dive out of the way in time.
"AAAAAAAAARH! WHOEVER'S RESPONSIBLE FOR CRUSHING ME LIKE THAT IS GOING TO SUFFER SLIGHTLY LESS THAN MY CHILD WI-" Agent Four's mom roared, emerging from the rubble before the ink blast vaporized her. All that was left after the inky explosion was a tombstone that said "Squidabelle 1961 - 2019" on it.
"SOMEONE, THINK OF SOMETHING NOW!" Lucario demanded. While nearly everyone else kept attacking with their projectiles, both Agent Three and Agent Four stopped to think of a plan. Agent Four came up with something, and a light bulb even appeared over his head. The blue Inkling grabbed the light bulb and chucked it into the tank's muzzle.
~Big Top Bop stops again~
Though the light bulb managed to get stuck in the muzzle, it popped out a second later. However, Agent Three came up with another idea based on the other Inkling's idea. She handed Wario a Splat Bomb, which caused him to catch onto Agent Three's plan. He crammed the Splat Bomb into the Dinner Blaster and fired the angular bomb at the tank's muzzle. This time, the Splat Bomb got jammed past the muzzle and deep into the tank's barrel.
"What just happened?" Abyss asked before Missile stopped the tank.
"I don't know, but I have a very bad fe-" Missile anxiously muttered. The edgy boy Inkling's words were cut short when the Splat Bomb exploded, destroying most of the tank and sending Abyss and Missile flying off into the sky. Suddenly, the whole world except for Wario, Waluigi, and the rest of the gang froze in time and gained inverted colors.
"Waa, since time decided to conveniently freeze, we might as well attack them even more," Wario said. Him, Waluigi, Agent Four, and Agent Three leaped up to where Abyss and Missile were suspended in time and started pulverizing them. Once the four landed back on the ground, time unfroze, and both of the edgy Inklings flew off into the distance.
"We did it! We finally owned my bully who's been after me for nearly fourteen years!" Agent Four cheered. Wario, Waluigi, Falco, Anna, and Zigzagoon joined in on the cheering, but Agent Four had a concerned look on her face.
"I wasn't expecting them to pull out a deadly weapon, but I probably should have," Lucario groaned.
"Waa, it's nearly sunset. Let's go find Crazy and get back to the palace," Waluigi pointed out.
"Yeah... I wonder where he's gonna be?" Anna wondered.
~Hawaiian Calypso by Jo Van Wetter starts to play~
However, Crazy was just at the northern end of Flounder Heights, having just finished a painting of him painting on the very building he just painted on.
"Now THIS... this I get!" the weird hand cheered.