"I thought I saw you on your way up here." Charlie mumbled, clocking the Doctor's concerned face.
"Look, I'll give you a few moments to think through what you want to do-"
"Wait, hold on a minute." She laughed a humour-lacking chuckle. "A few moments? Just how soon are you planning on getting this underway?" Her voice had found it's volume again, her eyebrows pulling together worriedly.
"I don't mean to panic you or rush your decision but preferably in the next hour or so."
"Within the next hour?" She scoffed, more so out of an immense build-up of nerves finally spilling out of her body. "You're not serious?"
"I can assure you, Mrs Beauchamp, I don't take these situations lightly." He tensed his jaw again. "I'll give you a little while to think things over, if you could maybe get hold of Sam too. I think he needs to be here for you both right now." He dipped his head in Charlie's direction before ducking out of the room and allowing the silence to once again cascade over them harshly.
"I only caught the tail end of that but I think I can hazard a guess at what the situation is." He moved closer to Connie's dejected frame, she looked as though she was running on a tank of nervous energy. There was so much weighing on her shoulders and why was she here alone?"
"Where is Sam?" His innocent question invited both women to instantly look at him as though he had two heads. "What?" Flicking his gaze between them, he couldn't figure what was going on.
"Well, he's in the ED, isn't he? He's probably got held up, you know how this job is?" Audrey chimed in, already sensing there was about to be an explosive eruption and despite her son more than likely being in the wrong, she couldn't help but want to defend him. After all, that's what mother's do, isn't it?
"No." Charlie breathed lightly, looking from Audrey back to Connie's tired face. "No, I'd hate to cause any upset here but he left the Emergency Department hours ago."
And just like that, the room stilled instantly. Understandably, Charlie was at a loss for words whilst Audrey felt her chest constricting with anger. What the Hell was her son playing at?
"Doesn't change the fact that I have a decision to make." Connie's subdued words held a hint of fury but she was concealing it extremely well, Charlie could only assume it was taking great restraint in order for her to do so.
"What, you mean now?" Sam's mother chirped, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Surely you should wait for Sam and make an informed decision together?" Her jaw tensed upon seeing Connie look around the room in bewilderment before talking.
"Do you see him? Is he here?" Scoffing lightly she felt as though channelling her irritation would suppress the hurt and disappointment. "We don't have time to wait around for him, wherever the hell he is." Pausing for a moment, she looked back to her suffering daughter. "Grace doesn't have time."
"You're going ahead?" Charlie felt like it was a stupid question but it was one he felt needed to be asked, he could see Connie wasn't one hundred percent certain. It was obvious to him, having worked with her for so long. She was extremely confident in her choices normally, but the hesitation in her face and words was making him uneasy. It was unlike her.
"I don't-" She ceased speaking, glancing from Grace to her bump as if trying to weigh up her awful options. "I don't know." Whispering lightly, she searched for Charlie's eyes, silently begging him to tell her what to do. The eyes she should have been looking into for advice were Sam's, but he was nowhere to be seen.
"Connie, I can't be the one to tell you what to do. You need to do what you feel is best-"
"Yes, but for who?!" She exclaimed, her voice jumping in pitch with panic. "For Grace? Or for this baby? Because I can't do what's best for both, one has to suffer for the other." Managing to stop herself from getting too hysterical, she could feel Audrey's welled up eyes glistening on her. "I won't make that choice, Charlie. I can't."
"Stop thinking like a mother, just for a minute, alright?" He wrapped his warm hand around her shoulder lovingly. "As Clinical Lead, as a Cardiothoracic Surgeon, what would your professional advice be?" There was a long and agonising silence following his suggested form of thinking, Audrey was just holding out for the miracle of Sam striding through the doors any moment now but in her soul she knew that wasn't going to happen and Connie was going to have to call the shots alone.
"Dr Maison is right." She finally spoke after clearing her throat cautiously, almost worried to actually hear herself saying the words. "Grace is more disadvantaged, there's a higher risk of losing her. Delivering the baby early carries it's own risks but she stands a much better chance than Grace."
"So that's it? You're inducing tonight?" The nervous grandmother was wringing her gloves to no end, Charlie feared they'd be a tattered mess if she continued.
"I don't really have a choice, Audrey." She chewed back, ultimately inviting Charlie to try and cool the heat down between them.
"Look, how about I take you to the relatives room, hm? You and your husband can have a tea or coffee in there whilst you wait for Sam." He'd stepped in front of Connie as he spoke, desperately trying to clear the room and give the pregnant woman some air to breathe.
"And you're sure he's not still here? There's no chance he might have got caught up helping someone?"
"I watched him leave, I wouldn't have said so otherwise." He folded his lips sympathetically as he neared her. She was clearly upset but he was just hellbent on getting her to the relatives room. Holding the door open for her, he offered Audrey an arm rub as she left the room, looking back to Connie he spoke up gently. "I'll keep trying his mobile too, I'll send him straight up once we get hold of him."
"Don't bother." She grimaced with vexation. "The hard part is done, I don't need him here."
"But Grace does." He lowered his head, his eyes never leaving hers. She didn't respond verbally but the look on her face told him she knew he was right. One thing was for sure though, he wished Sam all the luck in world if he was to finally show his face.
"I told you." He began repeating for what felt like the seventh time. "I don't know what she's taken or how many." Their bodies rocked in an unstable manner in the back of the ambulance as they sped towards the hospital.
"Yeah, alright, I just thought there might have been some empty bottles or foil packets laying around? Something that might tell us-"
"You mean like this?" He asked Iain sarcastically, showing him the unlabelled pill bottles from his coat pockets. "Like I said, as soon as I saw these is when I knew she'd done something stupid."
"Well, let's just hope you got to her quick enough." He continued monitoring her as Sam could do nothing but fret, his leg bouncing with anxiety. "We're pulling in now, give me a hand unloading will you?" Taking advantage of the fact that Sam was a qualified medic and surgeon he handed him the saline fluid bag as the ambulance pulled to a stop in the loading bay. Ruby was out and opening the rear door at the most efficient speed, taking over from Sam as soon as they loaded the gurney on to the tarmac and began wheeling her inside.
This really wasn't how he was expecting his night to go.
"Dylan!" He called out frantically as soon as he saw his colleague marching towards them. "It's Emma-"
"Right, let's get her straight into resus please and can somebody please contact a next of kin?"
"Yes, I have her dad's number, I can call him." The amount of stuttering he was doing, partnered with his pale complexion caused Dylan to shoot him a strange look.
"Alright, very good. I can take it from here, thank you." In his usual abrupt and aloof manner, he positively shielded Sam from following. Instead forcing him to stand motionlessly for a moment before dropping back into reality and pulling his phone out. Still dead.
"Shit!" Hissing irately, he made a swift move for the staff room where he knew for a fact there was a drawer of chargers. How was this happening? Like things weren't already complicated and painful enough, now this?
"If they could keep you in the same room, they would but they'll need to induce you in the delivery suite upstairs." Charlie spoke delicately, watching Connie with Grace. "Still no sign of Sam?" He posed the question carefully, it was nearing ten o'clock now and he'd left the ED at five with nobody having seen him since.
"If he has the nerve to show up now, I don't want him anywhere near me." She warned, her voice contrastingly low and calm whilst she smoothed her palm over Grace's head. "By all means let him sit with Grace if only for Grace's sake but he can steer clear of me." To anybody else but Charlie she probably sounded extremely unreasonable but he was hyper aware of their situation and Connie's initial reluctance to go down this route. It was Sam pushing for the saviour sibling, telling her she wouldn't be alone, that he'd be there every step of the way. And now here they were, at one of the most crucial steps in this entire journey and he'd gone AWOL on her. Nevertheless he had to remain impartial, it wasn't really any of his business.
"I'll let him know if I see him." He crossed his forearms in front of his stomach, this one small movement signalled to Connie it was time to go. Leaning down as close as she could get providing her bump, she kissed Grace on the crown of her head emotionally.
"I'll be right back. Okay, Gracie." Her soft whisper pulled at his heartstrings. He felt awful for her in all honesty, nobody should be dealing with this alone.
"Is there anyone else I can call for you?" He asked gently as they made way for the birthing suite. "A family member perhaps?"
"No, it's fine, I don't need anyone. I was fine on my own with Grace, I'll be fine again now." She sounded flat and despondent, already setting alarm bells off for the older nurse.
"Or I can stay with you, if you'd like?"
"Thanks, Charlie." She offered him an extremely sad and tired smile. "I'll be fine, if you could though, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me updated on Grace?"
"Absolutely, I'll even give you half-hourly updates if that's what you want." He jumped at the opportunity to help, God knows nobody else seemed to be supporting her right now.
The walk there truthfully felt like the green mile, even with Charlie firmly by her side there was an impending sense of doom lurking ahead. This feeling couldn't be shaken, not as she gowned up, not as she perched herself on the edge of the bed, not as she listened absent-mindedly to the on-call Obstetrician whilst he talked her through the plan.
"Mrs Beauchamp?" He kindly prompted again upon gaining no response the first two times he called her name. He was only a young fellow, tall and blonde going by the name of Dr Cranston.
"Sorry?" She rolled her lips together anxiously, her feet suspended above the ground whilst she remained sat on the side of the bed. The nurses behind her were silently getting things set up. The suite itself was quite large and complete with a private bathroom, a birthing bath and what looked like extra padded yoga mats on the floor in the corner. The lighting was gentle too, which she liked, when she gave birth to Grace there was an overall rushed, uneasy and sterile feel to the process. Nevertheless, she'd rather have that feeling as opposed to this one right now.
"I said we'll be in and out regularly to check on both you and the baby throughout the night, failing that you can just press the buzzer for assistance." He smiled, which she was sure was meant to put her at ease. It didn't. "But first I just want to check baby's heart rate and providing everything is as I'd like it, we'll get the cervidil tape in. It'll be inserted vaginally to-"
"Soften the cervix, I know. I'm quite familiar with the process." She completed his sentence politely, despite her anxiety telling her to snap at anyone and everyone around her.
"Of course you are, sorry." He chuckled softly. "I forget you're in the field. You doctors and surgeons make terrible patients." He jested whilst motioning for her to lay back, she did as he instructed with his actions. "I understand Dr Maison wants things underway as quickly as possible, so I'll use the doppler to get a feel of how your baby's heart sounds, then I'll get one of the nurses to do an ultrasound and check her positioning before I insert the tape." In spite of her already explaining she knew the drill, he continued to talk her through the process. Covering her legs with a blanket, he asked her to roll her gown up before proceeding with the doppler scanner. After a short pause of silence, her little heartbeat was soon heard whooshing steadily. "Listen to that, she's absolutely perfect." Nodding to himself, he removed the scanner head, allowing her to roll her gown down again. "I'll go an organise the tape, in the meantime just try and get comfortable, you won't be allowed up on your feet for two hours following the insertion of the tape. Alright?" He moved his head, attempting to gain her attention. Since she got here she seemed as though she was a million miles away.
All the way downstairs, Sam felt as though his heart was beating in his neck. Twenty-seven missed calls. His phone was still plugged into the wall, having only just come back on, his throat drying out instantly.
"You better have a bloody good reason for this disappearing act, son." Colin's voice more or less shocked the life back into him as he turned to look at his exasperated father. By chance, Colin had been on his way to get another coffee for himself and Audrey but spotted his suited son in the staff room.
"Dad, what is it? What's happened?" He was on his feet straight away, walking towards the door frame. "Is it mum?"
"Where the hell have you been all night?! We've been calling you non-stop!" He barked furiously.
"My phone died, it's a long story." He blurted out quickly and wrinkled his face in a tetchy manner, becoming impatient. "Please, just tell me what's happened?"
"It's your daughter." Curling the words acrimoniously he deadened his face some more as Sam instantly flew into panic mode and pushed past him, making a beeline to the lift for the oncology ward. "And Connie." The last of his sentence was uttered after his desperate son had darted past him, their backs to one another, causing Sam to stop sharply.
"What about her?" Turning on the spot, he stared at the back of his father's head. "Dad! For God's sake, talk to me!"
"She's in the delivery suite." Charlie's voice startled him from behind, he'd seen the exchange happening and with his anger brewing on Connie's behalf he couldn't just ignore the situation.
"What?" The plain and utter perplexity displayed on his face was readable from a mile away.
"Grace is in a bad way, they need the saviour sibling now." He paused, his face reddening by the second. "If you'd picked up your bloody phone, you'd have known this hours ago." A small amount of guilt started to wash over him but Sam had brought this on himself.
"What room?" He gushed agitatedly.
"It doesn't matter, she said if I saw you that I've to let you know she doesn't want you there. Just be there for Grace, she doesn't want her to be alone when she wakes."
"It's alright." Colin stepped in immediately upon witnessing how distraught his son looked, regardless of how upset he was with him, he couldn't watch him suffering like this. "You're here now, let's just get upstairs for Grace's sake." He started guiding him to the lift. "I'll go and get your mother, we'll see you up there."
"Sam?" Dylan's voice called out, hoping to catch him before the lift doors closed. "Sam, it's Emma, she knows you brought her in and she's asking to see you again." A cold silence swept across them all, Charlie shaking his head disgustedly as he turned and walked away after shooting Sam a disappointed look. But it didn't hurt half as much as the one his father gave him from other side of the lift doors as they began to closed between them. Suddenly alone inside the lift, all the noise and pained expressions had disappeared. He felt numb. His legs struggling to keep him upright as he bit on his lower lip angrily.
This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening.
"I know that wasn't very comfortable, sorry." The young Obstetrician grimaced empathetically, the look of discomfort on her face told him all he needed to know. "But the tape is in now, we'll let it work it's magic for a few hours and see where we're at then." He pulled his hands out from under the blanket that was draped over her raised and parted knees. "You can relax now, try and get as much rest as you can." He tore his gloves off and disposed of them appropriately as she let her legs lay flat on the bed again. "You might start to feel some abdominal pain or cramping, the cervidil tape can cause that but please, press the buzzer if anything is worrying you." He grabbed her chart and jotted in some notes, surprised when she spoke up.
"How long do you think it'll be before contractions start?" She just wanted this whole ordeal over with.
"Honestly, it's hard to say. As you know, the cervidil tape will stay in for twelve hours to soften your cervix and as soon as it's ripened enough, we'll remove it. If contractions aren't following on quickly after that, we'll induce you with pitocin to start the uterus contracting and then let nature take it's course."
"Let nature take it's course?" She repeated stirringly. "Absolutely every single aspect of this labour is artificial, there is nothing natural about any of it."
"Look." He sighed sadly. "I can't imagine what this must be like for you but your baby is extremely healthy, above average in size and weight and she has a strong heartbeat which is more than I can say for your other daughter. She needs you both right now and if I was in your position, I'd be making exactly the same decision." He extended her a reassuring smile and to her surprise, his words did actually offer a sense of comfort. "Now, please, rest up. If you need codeine or something to help you sleep, press the buzzer." He smiled with his eyes before leaving her in the silence of the large suite.
Grace's cozy little room was so deathly silent, they could have heard a pin drop. Colin and Audrey were seated on one side of the room whilst Sam sat uneasily on the opposite side. His chair pulled up as close to Grace's bed as he could get it. She was still sleeping soundly and pain-free thanks to the wonders of medicine.
"I just don't understand what's going on in your head sometimes, Sam?" Audrey finally broke the quiet and uncomfortable spell. "What were you thinking? You can't just go out galavanting around Holby with an extremely unwell child and heavily pregnant partner at home! Where's the consideration? The courtesy? This is not how I raised you!"
"Mum, please, I really can't deal with this right now." He closed his eyes calmly, trying to keep his nerves in check as he massaged at his temples. He already felt like a piece of shit for having to make Connie go through that decision making process alone, now she was refusing to see him and faced the prospect of labouring and birthing alone.
"Oh, right, well I'll give you a break then shall I?" She asked sarcastically. "Perhaps after hours of unforgiving labour if Connie's exhausted and feels like she can't deal with it right now she can just press pause and have a breather too?"
"Audrey, I don't think arguing over the top of Grace is going to make things any better." Colin's gentle voice brought her temper to a simmer again, halting her from shouting some more. "This is Sam's mess, it's something he needs to fix on his own, in his own way." He focused his gaze on Sam's dishevelled appearance.
"You can deal with Connie's wrath alone, if she finds out where you were tonight..." She trailed off worriedly, her brows furrowing when she saw his head lift up slightly. "Because I won't lie for you if she asks, I can't and I won't."
"I need to see her."
"Son, she's made it quite clear she doesn't want you there, I think you need to respect that." His father attempted to put any of his wild ideas to bed, he could sense he was about to take flight and leave for the delivery suite, against strict instructions to stay away.
"What, and just miss the birth of my daughter? She already did that to me once with Grace, I'm not letting it happen again!" He stood up quickly before his parents could even utter their protests. "Keep an eye on Grace for me." Avoiding their eyes, he threw his jacket down on his empty chair and made haste for the door.
He didn't even know what room she was in, ultimately causing him to roam the ward for nearly ten minutes in search of someone that could help him.
"I thought I told you, she doesn't want to see you?" Charlie's voice once again startled him from behind. "She's been to hell and back already tonight, something she's probably going to do another two or three times before this is all over."
"Charlie, please, I need to be there. Everything that happened tonight isn't what it seems." He stopped talking, assuming Charlie would jump into to argue otherwise but he remained silent. In fact, he was waiting for the explanation. "Emma called me at the end of my shift, she sounded like she was in a state and wanted me to come over."
"So you just dropped everything and went, did you?"
"Look, I don't owe you any answers, Charlie." He paused for a second, becoming irritable. "The person I need to be talking to about this is Connie, if you could just point me to her room." His nostrils flared angrily at the end of his demand.
"She doesn't to hear about Emma right now, she's being induced five weeks early to save your unwell daughter. A decision that she had to make alone." His face went from an angry red to a more pink blush in colour, his eyebrows relaxing slightly. "But her upset and anger might have got the better of her when she told me not to let you in." Their eyes met, a genuine questioning gaze in Sam's eyes as he stared expectantly at the older nurse. "I think she needs you in there with her despite what she's said, you need to put things right and be by her side." His voice jumped in volume again. "That doesn't mean go in there and start shouting the odds and throwing your excuses at her, she won't want to hear any of that."
"I need to be there, Charlie, I'm begging you."
"I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for Connie. I'm going against her wishes but my heart's telling me it's in her best interest for you to be there." He blinked softly. "She's in room six, and for the record, I never saw you." His brows twitched, signalling for him to keep this conversation discreet.
"Charlie, thank you." He positively gushed the words before speed-walking in the direction of room six.
He was right about the abdominal pain but what he failed to mention was the nausea. She hadn't felt this ill since the beginning of her pregnancy. The nurses had been in and out four times over the last two hours, she was supposed to be getting some sleep whilst the cervidil did it's thing but with all the comings and goings of staff she felt as though sleep wasn't going to be happening any time soon, especially with this pain she was faced with.
"Alright, how are we feeling in here?" An older female nurse entered the room quietly, doing the fifth check up. "Still experiencing mild cramps?" Her glasses glistened as she read over her chart notes from the previous on-duty nurse.
"Mm." She breathed shakily. "They're getting worse." Trying to shift herself on the bed, she exhaled as calmly as she could, surely cramping as a side effect shouldn't be this painful?
"Can you tell me what the pain feels like? Is it on and off or is it a continuous sort for cramping sensation?" She replaced the chart back at the end of the bed, moving around to Connie's bed side.
"I know they aren't, but they feel a lot like contractions." She'd relaxed back into the pillows moments before the nurse had started speaking as the pain had finally subsided.
"How often have they been happening?"
"I've lost count but there isn't much rest between them." The latter of her sentence was panted slightly as another cramping sensation rippled through her.
"Is this another one?"
"Yes." She nodded with the breathless whisper, her body leaning forward with the pain as the senior nurse grabbed a stethoscope, immediately rolling the side of Connie's gown up and placing the head of it on her bump. She smoothed it around for a few seconds until she heard the small heartbeat. She remained still, just listening for a few moments before returning the medical tool back around her neck and rolling Connie's gown back down. She stayed silent, glancing at her pocket watch and only glanced back up again when Connie let out a shaky breath and sat back tiredly.
"Does each one roughly last as long as that one did?"
"Thereabouts." She sighed. "Maybe even longer, why?" She licked her upper lip. "You're not telling me they're actually contractions, are you?"
"I think I best go and find Dr Cranston, get him to come and take a look at you as a precaution. It's nothing to worry about." She smiled, grabbing her chart and adding a few more notes before leaving the room as quietly as she'd entered. Her heart almost leaping out of her chest as she nearly walked into a nervous looking Sam loitering in the corridor. "Hello, can I help you?"
"No, I mean, yes I'm Connie's partner."
"Ah, yes." She smiled. "She's right through there, room six." She didn't even stop walking as she spoke, giving him a smile before she turned her head and continued quickly on down the corridor. He wasn't sure why but all of a sudden he'd clammed up, his chest felt fluttery and tight. A horrible anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach as he remained frozen in the hallway. He was trying to make himself move but his feet just wouldn't budge.
"I thought you'd be in there by now, sweet-talking your way back in." Charlie smiled slightly. "What's stopping you?"
"I've let her down, Charlie. I should have been here as soon as all of this happened but I wasn't, I was with Emma trying to figure out what the hell she'd overdosed on." He groaned loudly. "This giant mess is never going to get any tidier, is it?"
"You've been tangled in this mess for months, it'll get easier. You've already ploughed through so much, there's no point giving up now." He smiled before wincing slightly. "And I think I owe you an apology. I wasn't aware that's what had happened with Emma tonight. How is she doing?"
"I spoke to Dylan about an hour ago, he said she's stable." Their close conversation was interrupted when a young blonde male squeezed between them politely and headed into room six.
"Enough of the chit-chat, you need to get yourself in there. She needs you." He patted his upper arm supportively, a feeling of accomplishment coursing through him when the father-to-be nodded and headed for the door. As he pushed it open cautiously, he was half-expecting her to throw the nearest heavy object his way but instead he was greeted withe something far worse.