Chapter 27

After he finished eating, cleaning up, and putting his books away, he filled a bowl of water for Luna then sat on the couch. He gave her time to collect her thoughts, and get comfortable. After ten minutes of her saying nothing, he finally decided to get her talking.

"Luna, what's going on?" Mamoru asked.

"I…I…don't know what you're talking about?" Luna responded, not looking at him.

"Luna, please don't lie to me. We've known each other too long to play games either. Usagi asked you to come home, you agreed, but instead you're here. Artemis tells me that you've been spending nights some where, alone. You won't tell him what's going on. I'm guessing you haven't told Usako either. You need to talk to someone. You have before, what is stopping you from talking to me now?"

"I…I've been staying away from Usagi because I'm still angry, and when I'm angry I say things I don't mean. I don't want to lose her, but…"

"I'll replace you if you hurt her again?"

"Yes."

"Luna, don't you think that talking to Usako about how you're feeling will help?"

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts. One of the things Usako is best at is helping people work thru what they're dealing with. No, she doesn't push people to talk, but she's there when they're ready to talk. She's there to support them, be understanding, help them, and most of all love them thru it. You know this already. How many times have you watched her do it? Look at her and I for example. You saw the beginning, and most of our relationship, in both lives. This time around, I was horrible to her. I was angry at the world, confused, lonely, and rejected. She saw that in me. She got me to open up like no one else ever has. She didn't push or ask questions, but she was there for me. When I was ready, she listened. No one saw the times, since we've been together, that I took that anger out on her. I would start yelling about who knows what. She would fight back, by yelling at me that she loves me, and is here no matter what. When I would finally stop yelling, she would ask me what I was really angry about. That's all she had to ask, and I would just open up. She would talk me thru it, and she helped me get past it. Luna, she'll do the same for you. Especially now that she knows your anger isn't really directed at her. That's the biggest difference between then and now. She knows, I know why you're angry. We both know that it's really not her you have a problem with. Knowing that means I retract my order, completely. But admit it Luna, you need her as much as the rest of us do. We're alone without her. The rest of us know this, and accept it. We even admit it. You need her too."

"I do need her, and that's what scares me. What if I let my anger lead me to push me away completely?"

"ChibiUsa told Usako she hates her, and what Usagi do?"

"Loved her harder."

"I broke up with her. What did she do?"

"She never stopped loving you, and always had faith in you."

"Her daughter told her she was hated her, and her soulmate broke her heart and left her, and she never gave up. Do you really think you're much different?"

"I've been doing it for so long though."

"So has Rei, but look at them now. Usako never gave up on Rei. Usako finds the lost, broken, hurt, angry, rejected, and lonely, pulls them to her, and loves them thru it. You are no different. You know that in your heart."

"I….I guess you're right."

"You know I am. The thing is Luna, you need her now more than ever before. You NEED her to love you thru this. You NEED her to lead you thru this dark place you're in. Also, pushing her away isn't protecting her, it's hurting her. She wants to help you, be there for you, but she feels rejected by you because you are keeping yourself away from the one person who can help you thru this. Ok. Maybe two because Artemis is feeling it too. Remember what she said, you were there when she had nobody. Let her be there for you now, when you need someone. Ok?"

"But she's dealing with so much right now with ChibiUsa."

"Don't use ChibiUsa as an excuse to be scared. She and ChibiUsa are working thru things. They're doing better now. Usako won't turn you away. You know that."

"I know. I just worry."

"Well so does she. Stop making my Usako worry about you. Do I need to order you to talk to her?"

"No. I know you're right."

"Of course I am. When am I ever wrong?"

"Do you REALLY want me to answer that?"

"No. Probably not." Mamoru chuckled, and scratched the back of his head.

"I didn't think so." Luna snorted. "Mamoru, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What did it feel like in the orphanage?"

"Wow." Mamoru sighed and leaned forward, putting his head in his hands.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"No. It's alright. It felt. Well it felt cold, and lonely. Yeah there were other kids, but we just kind of co-existed. There was no bond of any kind, except we all lived there, and we were alone. We only spoke to each other when we had to. We fended for ourselves, mostly. We had to work around the orphanage to eat. If we didn't do our chores, we didn't eat that day. Every time potential parents came in, we were scrubbed clean, put into cleaner clothes, and paraded in front of them. If they saw one of us they liked, we went into a conference room with them to talk. They would ask a bunch of questions then we got sent out. If they wanted to adopt you, you left a week later, and no one heard from you again. Holidays and birthdays weren't celebrated or even acknowledged. We were forgotten, and ignored. It was an empty existence."

"I can understand some of that. I told you how my mother was. My siblings were no better. We didn't play together, we didn't talk. We didn't interact at all. The only time we interacted was during our "lessons". Otherwise we were alone. Artemis and I met when were children. He was my only friend. We grew to love each other."

"Motoki was my only friend, and we didn't meet until I was thirteen. He forced our friendship. He would show up everyday at outside my school yard, and walk my back to the orphanage. He would talk the whole way. After months of that, he invited me over for dinner. His father had to call the orphanage to get a pass for me. After that once a week his father would call the orphanage, get me a pass, and I had dinner at their house."

"I was five and Artemis six. I was in the library, reading a book when he tripped over my foot. Everyday after that he came to the library, and we would read together."

"Can I ask about your father?"

"I never met him. Mother said he died before I was born."

"I'm sorry."

"I guess you can't miss what you never had. At least for some people, that is."

"Maybe."

"Thank you Mamoru. You're a good friend."

"So are you. I think I better get some sleep. Do you need me to leave the door open, in case you need to step out?"

"No. I took care of all of that already. Good night."

"Good night."

Mamoru shut the balcony door, and went to bed. He had a hard time falling asleep. Thoughts of the orphanage plagued him. Maybe he should take his own advice, and talk to Usako about all of it.