Day 73

There was a quick knock on the door, the signal we'd agreed on to wake someone up when it was time for their watch. It was mine. Daryl woke up instantly as well, ready and attentive.

"Shh, it's okay," I told him and I sat up. "It's just my turn to watch, don't wake up."

"You're on tonight?" he asked, his voice sleepy and tired.

"Yeah, a couple of hours. Gonna be back at four to sleep some more."

"'Kay… Careful out there."

"I will. Just sleep, love…"

He answered with a sleepy hum and was probably already asleep when I quietly left the room. The house was silent and dark, it felt peaceful. The blue night light coming through the windows were enough to illuminate my way downstairs and to the back door.

There was nobody there. I looked back at the corridor and at the front door in the end of it, and there was Shane, standing with his side to me, staring. There was something in his eyes. He was on his spot on the lookout as agreed, but… I don't know. There was just something.

"Who's switching with you?" I asked quietly, jut loud enough for him to listen to me from across the house.

"My shift will be done in an hour. Dale will come down."

I nodded, looked at him for another moment, and turned to get out through the door. The night was a bit chilly and it felt good after the heat of the day. Crickets were singing and everything was just so quiet, so still, and there was a smell of wild flowers in the air, it was hard to imagine the way the world was now. It all seemed to be so alright, so why the hell did my wrist ache like that? Why was my heart tight as if something terrible had happened?

From out on the backyard, I looked into the house and Shane wasn't there on my line of sight anymore. He was patrolling. Just patrolling. I'd never been afraid of Shane before, why was I now? I could defend myself and Shane knew it, he saw what I did to Ed. Given, Shane was stronger and bigger… And trained. But why was I thinking about it? He was not about to attack me. I was just being stupid.

"We never get much of a chance to be alone, do we?" his voice came from the corner of the house. He had rounded it, leaving his post, and was walking slowly towards me, both thumbs on his front pockets, the other fingers resting by his groin.

"Your door's unguarded, Shane," I told him, my voice steady and my wrist burning.

"It's fine, we can both see it from here," he said as he stopped in front of me and looked into the house where the front door was visible at the other end of the hallway. "It's alright. Night's quiet. We can talk."

"What you wanna talk about?" I said turning more to him but stepping back. I was uncomfortable with his proximity.

"You 'n I, Sam? Never seen eye to eye, have we? Since the beginning, on the road."

"You can put it that way."

"But one thing we got in common… We both want what's best for the group, even if we disagree on how to do it."

"You seem more focused on just a part of the group lately," I said and regretted it. He was being threatening, if not with his words, with his posture, and I was saying this kind of stuff to him? Bad move, Sam.

"You know Lori's pregnant, right?" I nodded. "It's my baby."

"She says differently."

"No matter what she says. It's mine."

"It's hers in the first place, Shane."

"Yeah…" he nodded, a dangerous smile on his face and I dared one more step back but he followed it. "Thing is, Samantha… Baby's mine. Lori's mine. And this whole fuckin' group's mine. And you're out."

Not a chance to tell him my name is not Samantha. Not a change to step away from him. Not a chance to react. A rag was out of his pocket and his hand was pressing it against my mouth and nose, his other hand cupping the back of my head, holding it in place.

Chloroform.

I fought. My arms were hitting him all around, my legs kicking and I was holding my breath but it didn't seem to matter because the smell and the effects were happening anyway, and I screamed, called out for Daryl, except that I'm not even sure I was really screaming or if it was just in my head. Things didn't fade away slowly into darkness, it was sudden. In a millisecond I was fighting, in the other I was not. I was… Nothing. Nowhere.

Where the fuck was I?

I was lying down, it was night, my head hurt like a motherfucker. It was all I knew for a long moment. Turning my head to the side hurt a lot, my eyes were burning, and what the fuck had happened?

Oh, right. Shane.

Son of a bitch.

I looked to my right side, a huge effort and my eyes took a moment to focus, but when they did, there was the fucker. Shane was up, a few steps away from he, and he was dealing with two walkers. If there were walkers around, I'd need to protect myself. I patted my waistband, nothing. Raised my hands to my shoulders, the holster wasn't there. I was bare of any weapons. I had to get out of there before Shane killed the two walkers and could get back to me, but just as I tried to lift my head, what I saw coming right at me was a third goddam walker, a big male, and he was one of the worst I had seen. In the second before he fell over me growling a drooling, I saw his stomach was cut open and there were darkened, fetid guts coming out of the gash. He was on top of me then, my mind was too slow to jump up before he did. I'd have been much faster without the chloroform. The thing had its hands on the grass by my head and was growling and hissing trying to bite my face off. With no weapons, I screamed as I raised my hands to its face, pushing it up and away from me by its hollow cheeks but even dead it was strong, the instinct to feet giving it all the strength it needed.

I couldn't kill it. I had nothing, my mind was fuzzy, I felt weak.

I was gonna die.

As a last resource I pushed my thumbs in the walker's eyes. It kept on just as it was before, no sign of pain or the natural desperation any person would feel with someone pushing fingers into their eyes. It just wanted to eat me. I kept on pushing, deeper and deeper, until I felt the eyeballs pop and some sort of putrid liquid fall on my face, and still I kept on, keeping my mouth closed so I would swallow any of it, and deeper, stronger, until I felt my thumbs entering a mushy goo, a disgusting noise, and the walker stopped. That liquid and blood rained down on my face, neck, chest, I was covered in it, but the walker was dead and it hadn't bitten me. Breathing hard, exhausted already, I pushed its body off of me and it rolled to the side.

But then Shane was there, standing up and looking down on me, also bloody and I hoped he'd been bitten. I tried to get up but he held me down. I fought him off but he sat on my stomach and held me down.

"Just give in, bitch," he said with rage dripping from his tone, holding my hands down to the ground. "You took everything from me. Took everything I had. Spoke some shit 'bout me to Lori, I know it was you, she liked me and the she didn't and it was you! I should have never asked you to go with us. I should have left you to die on that road!"

I don't know what I was screaming, I just know I was, and I was trying to grab him with my legs but he was too big and I was not on my right mind and I couldn't. I had trained that so many times before, I knew I could do it but right now I was helpless.

"You'll be found dead. I tried so save you but you got bit, all they will see is you waking around, undead. Not getting on my fuckin way again, bitch!"

"Like you did to Otis?!" I shouted up at him and his hands instantly let go of my wrists and found my neck.

"You got me all figured out, don't' ya? Yeah, just like I did to Otis. Greater purpose."

He squeezed my neck and I couldn't breathe anymore. My face felt like it was going to burst, I fought for air, fought to get him to let go but nothing worked. He was staring right at my eyes as he choked me, he was going to watch me die and take his pleasure in it.

I was dying.

I don't know if people's lives pass right in front of their eyes when they are dying… Mine didn't. All I thought was of the present, just tonight, just Daryl telling he loved me. Just what my death would do to him, and that my baby was dying with me, not even a chance to live and fight and it was so fucking unfair.

Desperation is not a word clear enough to describe what I felt being strangled like that. I kept fighting, all I needed was a breath and I might have strength to fight Shane of, but the breath didn't come. I was never coming again.

There was a far, faint sound that seemed like someone shouting Shane's name. But I don't know. I was probably never gonna know because I was about to die.

Everything disappeared around me and I was no more.

I thought maybe it was afterlife, because it was so confusing and fuzzy that I didn't recognize anything at first. Took me seconds, maybe minutes, to start to understand I was still there, laying on the same meadow. My head and my throat seemed to be on fire, they hurt so much, and that was what made me understand I had not died. Next thing I noticed was the sounds. Moans and groans of walkers all around me, on every side just as I laid there, and I risked a glance to the side.

My heart clenched in my chest and coldness filled my stomach. I was in the middle of a herd. I was frozen, paralyzed, couldn't move another muscle, just my wide eyes as I looked everywhere I could. Nobody alive, just the dead and me, and there seemed to be thousands of them. Some were dormant, walking around in circles, but most were going in the same direction, following each other to an unknown destination. After what felt like hours I dared to turn my head to the other side and it was only than I knew I wasn't alone.

Or, well, I actually was. Because he was dead.

Shane was fallen right by my side, his head turned to me, eyes wide open, the rage frozen in his dead face, and on his temple there was a shot. Somebody had shot him. So somebody had been there. Somebody saw him, saw what he was doing, and shot him. Maybe somebody was still around.

This made me get the strength to sit up. Before, though, I looked up at the sky, took a deep breath, as deep as I could with the stench, and lifted my head, looking down at myself. I was covered in blood and guts and I remembered the walker I'd killed before and realized that damn walker had most likely saved my life, because the others couldn't detect me now. I smelled just like them. And just as I thought it…

The first walker found Shane. He wasn't transformed, so even dead he still smelled great to the walkers. It started eating him and chewing loudly. I froze, they were right my me, inches away, and another walker, then another, and if I stayed there I was gonna get buried in them. I had to go.

Even in panic, I sat up as slowly as I could for them not to notice I had the motion of the living. Everything hurt. It was like I was beat us and not just doped and strangled. Every muscle of my body complained, my head screamed, but still I got up to my feet and started walking away. Looking ahead to where the herd was going, I finally understood where I was.

The farm. Why had Shame brought me to the meadow at the farm? I mean, why?! That he'd wanted to kill me I got it, he hated my guts, but why the farm? Guess I'd never know because he was just turning into carcass right by my feet. But what I was seeing bothered me much more. This immense herd had reached the farm, there was movement there and I started hearing shots but it was all too far for and dark for me to recognize anybody. I kept walking and I was unsteady, feeling weak, like I'd faint from hurting and from panic at any moment.

But you know when you think things could never get worse but they just… Do? A moment you never see coming, but changes everything in your life, your future?

Someone screamed. Loud, desperate.

"NO!"

It was Daryl. I found him by following the sound of his painful scream, and he was still screaming it. I saw him. He was running to me, to this herd all around me.

No, Daryl, please, it's too dangerous. They don't see me but they'll see you!

Then there was people holding him and I saw Rick, Glenn and Theo stop him and he fought them like hell to get away, to go to me, his screams turning to cries… And it hit me.

He thought I was dead. He thought I was one of them.

No, no, fucking no!

The others were dragging him away, most likely saving his live, but then they were going, fleeing from the herd, movement ahead at the farm house as others did too. They were gonna leave, they had too, but I was there, and I was fucking alive!

I started walking faster, as fast as I could, which wasn't much, and raised a hand as I tried to call out, scream, and thank God my throat was too hurt to do it because I wasn't thinking. I was surrounded by walkers, I couldn't just scream! But still I tried to run, maybe Daryl would see I wasn't walking like the dead, but the others had dragged him away then and he wasn't looking in my direction anymore, his screams getting lost more and more among the dead's groans.

This couldn't be happening. No, just… No! Daryl thought I was dead. They were leaving the farm! They were leaving me behind not even knowing they were doing it.

I was fucking alive! I was still alive…

But maybe not for long now what I whimpered in desperation to scream, tears rolling down my face, and they saw me. At the same time, what felt like a dozen walkers turned their dead heads right at me.

For the third time that night I thought, that is it, I'm dead.

No weapons, no strength, no people, all I could do was look around to find the path that had the least walkers and run there. It was in the opposite direction, towards the woods. I started running and I was too slow, they'd catch me. I dodged a few of them on the way, pushed a few them away, and ran, just ran, my pace picking up slowly. I crossed the line of trees and looked back. No more walkers in front of me but many behind, following me. I couldn't count but if I had to guess I'd say like fifty of them. I ran blindly among the trees, twigs hitting me, cobwebs gluing to my sticky skin, and I didn't know where I was going or what was happening, but I just ran, my muscles screaming.

In my mind, Daryl was screaming. Kicking and fighting to get to me. I heard it over and over again. The agony in his voice pierced into my heart and I started crying even as I ran, getting even more blind to my surroundings.

What the fuck had happened? Who shot Shane? Why did the one who shot didn't help me? Did they also think I was gone, that there was no more time? Was it the herd what made them not get to me? How did the others know what was happening? When did Daryl wake up at the house and got to the farm?

I had to get to the house, but to do so I'd have to turn around and go back to the farm and cross it, which I knew it was impossible because where were thousands of walkers there. I had to go around then, a long, real long way and in the dark I was most likely going to get lost, but it was my only option. But the walkers where still behind me, too many of them, I couldn't make my way now. I needed to get rid of them. Their groans were too loud, which meant they were really close and really too many. I'd have to get them dispersed, maybe I could kill one by one if they weren't too close to one another, and for that… I'd have to keep walking.

Day 74

When day rose I could see them better. They were a little less than I thought, but still a lot. I had been escaping them for hours, my legs were weak and trembling, the pain was unbearable, but still I walked in the same pace as they did, and they never gave up, they wouldn't just let go, their instincts were gonna make them keep following me to the end of earth. I had to kill them. I had to kill over thirty walkers with nothing in hand and when I was near death myself.

So if I was gonna die anyway… I would fucking die fighting like hell.

Never stopping walking, I looked for something that'd help me on the forest ground. Before, when it was dark, it had been impossible to see anything, but now my eyes caught a long branch on the ground, broken from a tree, resulting in a splintered yet sharp tip. That was it. I stopped and turned, testing the branch weight in my hands, and when the first walker got to me and I pierced its brain with the tip, I saw this could work.

So I kept letting them come to me, not bothering to escape anymore.

There was a pile of nearly ten walkers on the ground already when the long branch broke and I was left with it much shorter, which made me need to get even closer to the walkers I killed, but it ended up working well too. There were still walkers coming at me, but they were sparser now, and I lost count of how many I had to kill as I started walking back the way I had come.

I needed to get back to the farm. I needed to know what was happening, where they'd all gone, if they were still at the house or had it been overrun too? Was anybody hurt? Was Daryl safe?

My heart hurt physically imagining what he was feeling. I put myself in his place and thought of how I'd feel if I'd seen him as a walker. Part of me would have died. My heart would have been unrepairable broken and I'd never be the same. And he loved me. He said it just last night… He loved me and he thought I was dead… And now I was crying as I walked, no more walkers at sight for now. I tumbled around, hoping I was on the right way, I didn't know if I had been walking in a straight line, probably not, and I'd end up lost in the woods.

But among the thinning trees I saw I reached the farm. The sun was high in the sky and I calculated I had walked for around three hours in the dark, stopped to fight walkers and then walked all the way back, so it was probably around noon, which meant I'd been gone, dead, for the entire morning.

It'd been too long. Way too fucking long…

I stopped there and couldn't go any further. Leaning on my side on a tree, a hand on my baby bump, please, please be alright, I remained there for a long moment, tears falling freely down my face because I had no strength to even sob anymore, as I watched hundreds of walkers all around the farm, on the meadows, around the barn, on the tent area we'd lived in, around the house, on the porch. They were everyfuckingwhere. It was impossible for me to get in there. I wanted into the house, clean myself up, have water, something to eat, but I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to swallow anything, my throat hurt so badly.

But I couldn't just stay here watching the farm. I had to go to the house, maybe the walkers hadn't got there, maybe there were all in, safe, maybe Daryl was there. So I restarted my slow, painful walk, going to my left as to go around the farm, at least cross the land through somewhere with no walkers. It was a really huge farm…

I found the stream. A God's blessing, if he existed or was even looking at me. I all but fell in the water, drinking desperately, the pain on my throat not stopping me from getting the most needed large gulps. I got a bit more alive then. I washed my face, took off my shirt and tried to clean it against a rock. It didn't do a good job but part of the blood and guts that were there did wash off. Then I rubbed my body with the shirt itself and felt a bit more human. My dreads were caked but there was no time to deal with them now, so I just knotted them as high and away from my face as I could, put on the dripping shirt back on, took a deep breath to muster the courage, and kept on my way.

I killed many more walkers on my way to the house. The spike had broken halfway there and I had to find another one, not as good as the first but it did the job. I was wandering robotically by now. I don't know where my energy came from, I was miserable, hungry, hurt and hurting.

Shane… That son of a bitch, look at wat he'd done! He tried to kill me! Sadness gave place to rage as I thought about it and it helped. It was good to feel something other than despair. It kept me going. I wished Shane was alive just to I could fucking kill him.

It might have been late afternoon when I found the area of the house. It'd been difficult because had no idea where I was and when Daryl and I had found the house we'd been on other area of the woods, and the second time we came from the road with the cars. But I did find it and stopped at the line of the woods, watching.

No cars. No sounds. No bike.

Around the house, by the roses, inside the house, visible through the open door and windows, there were tens of walkers dormant walking aimlessly around.

Nobody was there. They were gone. Daryl was gone.

In a last flicker of hope, I thought they could be on the road where it all started. Where it all started… I was already dry in thirst again when I forced myself to move. I needed to walk to the road…

I need to get to the road. I need to find Daryl… Daryl…

Sophia, stay... We…

There was water and food, a blanket and a flashlight. Nobody had found it, Sophia obviously hadn't, and if they had been there after escaping, they had ignored it. It was all still there, and I drained one of the bottles of water immediately. It was warm and nearly made me throw up. I grabbed the jar up peanut butter and opened it desperately, my last meal had been the turkey – oh Daryl… – and I ate it with my fingers as if it was a feast. Still eating it, I kept on walking among the cars, just… Looking. Looking for someone, some sign, some life… And there was nothing. They didn't wait. There weren't there waiting for anything. They had nothing to wait for, or to look for… Because I was dead.

Dusk found me sitting on the asphalt, crying and completely alone. My heart physically ached more than my head and my throat, it hurt like it never had before.

I'd been left behind.

Day 75

It was a good thing I'd still had the mind to crawl into a car to sleep instead of just lying there on the road because what woke me up was the sound of a walker by my window, groaning and leaving goo all over the glass, trying to reach me.

Fuck, just leave me alone for a fuckin' minute!

Day was high by then, I probably slept a lot, many hours and my body needed to recover, and even though I still felt miserable I did feel a bit stronger. I still had no weapons on me, though, and the walker was right there. Looking out of the car through the dusty windows, I tried to find something that'd help, since the inside was clear, but there was nothing I could come up with. So I stopped and looked at the walker at the window.

That's it motherfucker. Leaving through the opposite door, I rounded the car before it could follow me, opened the back door and grabbed the wanker by its neck when it reached me. Groaning, I maneuvered it to the open door and slammed it shut on its head. It still groaned after the first bow so I repeated it twice more, making her brain explode everywhere.

It was eerily silent after that.

I walked back to where the sign for Sophia was and on the way found a bag full of useless papers. They flew in the wind along the road when I tossed then away. The bag was filled with the rest of the food and water, the blanket and flashlight. Hanging it on my back, I walked.

Miles ahead, the jammed cars were sparser and the road elongated in front of me until it was empty of cars. Right there, at this mark between all the looted, abandoned cars, and the empty road, I stopped. There were track marks. Larger ones like in a truck or the RV and a single one like in a bike. They'd gone through here, and Daryl had been riding his bike. I mean, that if this was really them, those marks could have been there for a long time, but they did make me hope and keep walking, following them. Maybe I could still catch up, even though they were motorized and I was walking and it had been over a whole day…

No. Don't. Don't lose hope. It's all you got now. Just go.

I stopped just once to eat from a tuna can, sitting in the middle of the road, and kept going. It was when the sun started to go down that I stopped seeing the marks. They were faded, as if they'd gained speed and not needed to hit the breaks for anything. There was nothing to track anymore, and it wasn't like I knew how to track or if Daryl was here with me to do it.

Daryl wasn't here with me…

God, I missed him.

I sat again, this time with my back against the guardrail, and I knew it wasn't safe, I knew walkers could come up from the woods behind me, that people could show up, that I was being too loud, but I lost all control. I just lost it. I sobbed loudly, my heart broken, all hope gone. They were gone and I was alone and there was nothing else to do now but cry, but to feel all those painful feelings, but trying to find a why and a what could I have done. Why hadn't I escaped Shane before he could put the chloroform in my nose? Why hadn't I attacked him? How did I not see that he was approaching with bad intentions? Why didn't I run to Daryl when I saw him, ignoring the possibility of getting bitten by all the dead around me? At least I would have tried… If I'd got bitten at least I would be here now, alone…

But then my baby would be dead too.

My baby… My little boy…

I stopped immediately, hugging my stomach. "Please be fine…" I whispered. "It's just the two of us now. Please be fine…"

It was getting dark and I needed shelter. Time to stop with the self-pity.

Get the fuck up, Sam.

Minutes ahead I found a dirt road coming out of the main road and took it. A few miles on, there was a little wooden house, more like a cottage, with a dry hedge all around. I circled it carefully looking for signs of life or death and found nothing. In the backyard, a tree stump with half cut firewood was left abandoned, an old, long handled axe suck to it. So then I had an axe again, after so long. I remembered I had gotten well with the axe I had before letting it fall on the street in Atlanta when I ran to recover the bad of guns. That would do well.

The back door of the cottage opened easily with a strong shove. The whole space smelled like mold, but it was clean of walkers and seemed to be empty for a long time. That would do for tonight.

I sat at a corner, curved around myself as I ate from another can and had some water, and tried to sleep, wrapped in the blanket. I missed that bed… I missed the tent I'd slept in with Daryl.

My god, how I missed him…

Day 76

I emptied the last of the water I had when I woke up and ate one more can, this time of anchovies. I'd always hated anchovies, but well. With more light now, I looted the house a little but there was nothing useful to me. Leaving the house though the back door, I saw there was a pear tree with a few fruit and they seemed not to be ripe yet. Either way, I took the few I could reach and put them in the bag.

Getting back to the dirt road I saw this was actually a small neighborhood and there were houses all along this narrow road. The axe was in my hand when I reached the next door house and looted it as well. In there I found a slingshot and nothing else. I had never used a slingshot in my life, but I thought I could give it a try, so I tossed it in the bag. On the third house there were a few cans of soup but looking at it I saw they had been expired for nearly two years. This house had to have been abandoned since long before the apocalypse. Across from it, on the fourth house, I found a large jar of honey and sat at the kitchen table to eat a bit of it. My taste buds exploded at it and I felt the energy returning to my body at the presence of sugar. But now I needed water. In this same house I found also a jar of hearts of palm and canned peaches.

So I went to the next one, and after this fifth house there would only be two more to go. The front door of this one had been busted open already, so I entered carefully, axe in hand and raised. There was noise on a corner, like someone was hiding there. The house was dark even in daylight, with boards covering the windows, a strong smell of mold and dust making me want to cough. I walked slowly over every corner and was just considering leaving the house and letting it go when I was jumped on. Someone attacked, and it was dark and I held them at bay, pushing the away as strongly as I could so I'd have room to lift my axe and –

"Sam?!"

I froze and then…

"Andrea!"

I had never liked her and the she'd shot Daryl but fuck was I happy to see her! My axe fell and we hugged tight, laughing in relief.

I found them! I'd found them!

"You're alive!" she exclaimed laughing as she let go and held me by my shoulders. "I heard you were dead, turned!"

"Where are the others?" I asked instead of answering, this was not a question that could wait any longer.

Her face fell, though, and I knew she was alone.

"I got lost from them… The herd, they... I had to run and they had to go. They left me behind."

"Fuck…" I said. She was just as lost as I was. "How'd you know they think I'm dead?"

"Heard shouting. Daryl was… He was out of his mind and Rick kept telling him he couldn't go there because you were gone, he'd seen you dead. But I don't know much after that because I had to escape and I never found them again."

Nodding and feeling the sadness that was getting old washing over me like rain, I let myself slide to the floor, my back against the wall.

"What happened?" Andrea asked as she sat in the middle of the hallway, facing me.

I told her all of it, since the lockout with Shane and what he'd done to me. She was tearing up when I finished and I was too, but I was tired of crying and time was flying. So I forced myself up, reached a hand to help her up saying, "Let's check the rest of the houses for any signs of them and for food, and then we'll go back to the road. It's the last place we know they've been, so it's where we gotta stay."

They had been syphoning cars on the road for gas. I wanted to believe it was them, at least. Someone had taken all the gas from every car we found, none worked, so Andrea and I kept on walking. She had found water before and had a few bottles on a bag, so we were good on it. We stopped once to sit down and rest a little, eating what I'd found, but for the most part we simply walked. Walked…

Night was falling and we'd decided we'd stop at the next town or car we found to rest for the night. Here was a car a few miles after that, but now that we were not alone it would be safer since one could sleep while the other took watch. Andrea offered to take the first and I was glad because I was simply exhausted.

It was probably a couple of hours of sleep. I'd just disappeared into slumber, not even enough time to think of all that had happened before blacking out. I was woken up, though, and in the second I opened my eyes I knew something was wrong.

The back door of the car by my head was open and Andrea was there, crouched on the ground, calling me.

"Someone's coming!" she whispered urgently.

"Is it –"

"Not them!"

I was wide awake in an instant, patting myself for my knives and guns, but remembered I didn't have them anymore and Andrea had my axe. So I slid out of the car, grabbed her hand and pulled her urgently to the woods. We stopped just a few trees in, hiding behind a large trunk, and watched. Andrea handed me my axe as we did, in silence. It didn't take a minute for us to see them: two man with flashlights were checking the car and, clearly as day, we heard them talk in the silence of the night.

"They ran through there," one was pointing directly at us. "Two women I think."

"Were they alone?" the other asked.

"Saw only them, guess so."

"Good…" the other said and his tone sent chills all over my spine. "We getting ourselves some warmth tonight."

Andrea and I looked at each other, her eyes wide in fear. Then the man left the road, entering the woods and coming right at us.

"Run!", I mouthed to her and we took off, the men instantly seeing us, shouting and following. Once again I saw myself running in the woods in the dark without seeing where I was going, and I was sick of it, but this time it was even worse because these were people, and people could me so much worse than walkers.

They were fast and we were both too tired to outrun them. They'd catch us, unless we attacked first.

Unless I attacked first.

So I reached a hand for Andrea to make her stop and dragged her down onto the roots of a big tree. Not questioning it for a moment, she sat there and made herself small as was shaking in terror but kept quiet. I stood there, my back against the tree, breathing hard.

Don't hesitate. Do not hesitate.

Their running footsteps were closer and closer and I prayed that I'd get the timing right. Closer, closer. My heart was beating loudly in my years, and still I heard them.

Don't hesitate.

I swung the axe sideways with all the strength I could muster onto the path by the tree and it met his chest, penetrating him deeply right at the heart. He screamed in agony and loudly but just for a moment. I tried to hold on to the axe as he fell to the ground, motionless, but it had gotten stuck there and fell with him.

I'd just killed another man.

The other one came running than, enraged, and tackled me to the ground. I hit it hard, tree roots hurting my back bad and making the air escape my lungs, and for the second time in three days I had a man on top of me, trying to kill me. I'd be damned I let his hands around my neck, so I screamed and fought like hell to keep his hands at bay, but quickly enough I heard Andrea growl loudly just before she attacked him with the axe. It stuck to the back of his head and he was dead instantly. I froze for a moment, some blood showering down my face, but quickly recovered and rolled his body away from me.

Andrea had the axe in hand, breathing hard, eyes bugged glued on the dead man. I'd done this before, this was my second kill and both of them had been to protect myself. But this seemed to be her first time. I got up and carefully approached her, reaching out for the axe.

"Hey, it's okay," I told her quietly and she turned her wide eyes to me. "It's alright. Just hand me the axe. Good, there you go," I took it and rested it against the tree. "You alright?"

She stuttered before being able to say "I killed him."

"You did," I said holding her shoulders to keep her looking at me. "And you saved my life. You saved my life, Andrea," she just blinked, saying nothing, maybe only now understanding that. "He was gonna kill me. Rape me most likely, and then kill me. You saved my life. Focus on that."

She nodded weakly and blinked, so I took it as a good sign. I pulled her with me to go back to the road, talking the life savior axe with me before going. I was not in a much better condition than her, but I had to keep calm or she'd panic. My stomach was in knots and I felt a bit faint, but it was only when we got back to the car and she sat down on the back seat that I let go and threw up on the side of the road.