When I see you... I don't know... Is this weird? Let me try. 'If I could begin to be half of what you think of me... I... I don't know what I'd be.
...You're annoying and reckless. Insolent, lawless, and a million other things that I am too... But yet in the opposite way. I... I used to think that I might be bad... But now... Watching you this past summer, I know it's true. Out of the two of us, I'm the bad twin. Fascinating, huh?
When you hear this, and I know you will, you'll be terrified. You'll be embarrassed, but trust me, I'm the more embarrassed one here. You don't understand what I've been through, but watching you talk to 'me' I think I have a good grip on what happened to you. I can't believe that it's been thirty years since I last... Well, since you last saw me. Forty since we've really spent time together.
It's been so long. So tantalizingly long. I hope I get to talk to you soon. I hope Dipper and Mabel will... accept me. I hope they understand what you did ('thanks' for the whole name thing by the way). Just to let you know, there will be more order when I get back. And I will get back, I trust your abilities. At least, I trust your abilities to read my instructions. Just... Please don't destroy the universe in the process.'
Stan hadn't seen his brother in thirty years. A fact he was most displeased with. He had longed for Ford every day. He had gotten distracted a bit sure, but he never quite forgot the main goal. Get Ford back. That had been his goal for forty years, and, even though his dad had been dead for a few of them, he hadn't quite finished his other goal: Actually earn a million dollars. Or, as good ol' dad had said all those years ago, a fortune, which Stan translated as, a million dollars.
But now he had something better than a billion dollars. He had the kids. After just a few months... what wouldn't Stan do for them?
Give up Ford. That was the answer. When it came down to the kids or Ford... He just didn't know.
But there his brother was, walking through the portal. The kids (and Soos) were fine, Ford was fine... As in, he looked like he hadn't aged a day. His glasses were missing, and there were still those dark bags under his eyes. Stan's breath caught in his chest, then he heard Dipper say, "Who is that?"
"The Author of the Journals," Stan answered, staring in wonder at his brother, who calmly reached into his pocket and pulled out another pair of glasses, which he placed on his face carefully, like he wasn't used to his own fingers. "My brother."
Stan didn't look at his nephew to watch his reaction, he instead stepped towards Ford and held his arms open wide. "Finally!" he exclaimed, turning his attention entirely over to his brother. "After all these long years of waiting! You're actually here!" His excitement rose, and he was happy to see Ford crack a smile.
Ford chuckled, shaking his head and adjusting his newly donned glasses. "Actually, I've been here the entire time." His smile grew wider as Stan shook his head in confusion. "What?" Stan asked, stepping closer to Ford, who folded his arms and shrugged. "I was trapped in the mindscape. My body was who knows where, and I was watching you for most of the time. I must say, I'm rather disappointed in what you've done with my house. But thanks for keeping it... You know, in my possession."
Stan scanned his brother up and down. "Mindscape? What?" Ford shook his head and didn't say anything for a moment, then he held a hand up to his right eye and exclaimed, "Ow! I'd forgotten about the eye! Wow, it feels like Bill jabbed forks in it. Sort of like what he did to Dipper's arm."
Stan froze. "Who did what to Dipper's arm? How do you know Dipper?" He glanced back at his nephew, whose eyes were wide. "What happened to your eye?"
Ford shrugged, rubbing said eye with the palm of his right hand. He yawned suddenly, and he squeezed his visible eye shut, grimacing as soon as he was done. "One of the bad parts about being tangible, you experience pain." He said, and Stan bit his lip. What in the world had happened to his brother.
"Anyway, Stan, we should probably explain all this to the children," Ford said, dropping his hands to his sides. He smiled shyly at his niece and nephew, and Dipper's mouth dropped open. "They think you killed me. Or you. Or however this works. Also, can we make this quick? I need to get some Unicorn hair as soon as we get the agents out of here."
Stan's mouth was in the same position as Dipper's, and he turned to the side as Ford stepped past him to kneel in front of Mabel. "Hello, I'm your other great uncle," Ford said, holding his hand out to her. "I must say, I... I'm impressed with your artistic talent. You might not be the best as sketches, but your sweaters..." he shook his head, a large grin on his face. Mabel glanced uncomfortably at Dipper for a second, then accepted his hand. He shook hers, and a matching grin spread over her own face. "Thanks! Wait... Do you know me?"
Ford laughed, releasing her hand and standing all the way up. "Yes I do. I... I was sort of a ghost following you around. Do you recall when Dipper was... Possessed by Bill?"
Mabel chuckled nervously, then glanced at Stan, who moved to stand next to a still stunned Dipper. "Yeah, I remember Bipper. How could I forget?"
Ford nodded, then his eyes snapped over to Dipper. "Forget! That's perfect! Dipper, may I see your backpack? I honestly just followed you guys around most of the day. I know that you have the memory ray in there. That'll work if I can get a headset frequency..." He stopped when Dipper made a sound that resembled a goat's bleat.
"And... He's fanboying." Ford said, shaking his head. "Stanley, do you mind handing me the bag..."
Children, huh? Good job Stan. Their parents must think that you're me... Wait. Everyone thinks that you're me! Just don't let them fall in the bottomless pit.
They're gnomes! Stanley! Mabel's 'boyfriend' is a bunch of gnomes! Can you please stop staring at that 'world's most distracting... Distracting... What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah! Mabel! Go save her from the gnomes! And Dipper too! Man, I wish you could hear me!
And... You're fishing. That's sweet. To be honest, I think that fishing like this is a bit... boring... But... It was sort of our dream. Not the fishing part. But... I guess it's the closest you'll get so far. Sorry to leave you 'alone' Stanley, I'm going to watch the kids. The Gobblewomper is something I haven't seen for a while. It's been like, five months.
That little punk!
Stanley! Go do something about Gideon! Yeah! You go... What are you doing?! Don't make contracts with the enemy! You will not force Mabel to marry that little piece of slime! You destroy that contract right now! I swear if I ever get my body back I will strangle you in your sleep if you don't stop this madness!
Get to it! I'm literally yelling at you at the top of my lungs! Listen to me!
"Oh, hello Ma and Pa."
Ford had followed his niece and nephew to the convenience store. Just like with Abuelita, Ford's family's lives were his soap opera. Or, at least they were a break from the boredom he'd inevitably face if he just... Didn't do anything. Ma and Pa were glaring at Wendy (the girl who worked in the Mystery Shack) and her friends, but they quickly changed their attitudes when they saw Ford.
"Mr. Pines!" Ma said, smiling at Ford, who nodded at her. "It's so good to see you! Unlike some other people who are here presently."
Pa nodded, "Can you believe the nerve of today's young folk! Look at them!" He waved towards the boys, who were busy pouring ice down Thompson's pants. Ford rolled his eyes and nodded. "I'm here for my niece and nephew. They're the brown-haired ones. They're also the smallest. So if you could... Not have another 98' I'd deeply appreciate it."
Ma and Pa shared a glance, then they sighed and nodded. "Because you asked Stanford." Pa said, glancing at the teenagers, "I suppose there's nothing you can do about them."
"I wish," Ford said with a small chuckle. "But let's not pay them any mind. How have you been? I've been getting my own share of heart attacks because of those two. Can you believe that they tried to..."
Dipper! You're already more manly than I was at twelve! You literally fought wax statues and gnomes! Trust me kid, you're plenty manly. Don't listen to our twins. Just... And he's heading out into the forest. Well, shall I stay with Stan...
"Oh my goodness! Grunkle Stan! You like Lazy Susan!"
I'm right behind you Dipper.
I personally never really had a crush like you do Dipper, but... To each his own I guess. I mean, Wendy's pretty cool, for a kid. I'd talk to you more, but... I'm off to spend the evening following Stan around. That's what we normally do for our birthday. Normally he closes the Shack earlier, but... I'm glad to see that he's happy.
And this is almost exactly like the parties we used to go to when we were in high school. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I could talk to anyone but it's fine.
Hey, why is Dipper in here? And he's outside? And he's stealing Robbie's bike? Nice job using the printer Dipper. You know, when I used that thing it turned out to be a disaster. You see, I had been planning this experiment to see if I could... And he's gone.
Ford hadn't really been tangible in thirty years. So imagine his surprise when his entire 'body' was pulled through a curtain-thing, straight into the Nightmare Realm. He blinked his eyes open, and he saw that he was in some sort of pink-swirly place.
He tried to float forward, but nothing happened. He looked down at his legs, then tried to take a step forward. His entire body moved, and... he could feel it. He was in his body! His body was trapped in the nightmare realm!
His foot pushed up against a wall, and he reached his hand out and felt a curved dome. He traced the dome up, and discovered that he was trapped in some sort of bubble. Fascinating. This was probably where his body was, so... What had Bill said last time? That only one person could be in the mindscape at a time? That meant that Bill...
Had gotten a foot in the door. He was close to starting Weirdmageddon.
This wasn't good.
The next time Ford went back into the Nightmare Realm, he knew what was happening. There was only one reason why Bill would want to go into the mindscape. Ford hoped that Dipper was smart enough to not make a deal with Bill. But... If Ford wasn't smart enough at thirty... Dipper wouldn't really stand a chance.
Ford knew that talking to him was less than useless. So instead he rambled to the kid. Of course, he'd listen whenever he needed to, but most of what Dipper was saying was "Ugh. Next."
It was mid-afternoon when Ford was pulled back into his body. He'd been seeing Dipper's attitude. The very fact that he was almost out of tries... It was setting even Ford on edge. There was no way Dipper would be able to resist. Ford wondered how Bill would trick him.
He wasn't really expecting how much damage Bill did to Dipper.
"Alright. Now that we've gotten the government agents out of here," Ford said, watching Dipper and Mabel bounce up to him. Mabel smiled up at him and nodded, Dipper just muttering something to himself. "We need to go get some Unicorn hair. We can tell the story while we're on the way. It's about an hour, it shouldn't take that long."
Stan blinked at his brother, who smiled at him. "It's okay Stanley. We'll fix the Shack once we're back. I don't think it'll be the same once we're done... I... Have something I'd like to discuss with you in private once we're done." Ford kneeled down next to Mabel and whispered, "You get Dipper, I'll get Stan. Soos can fend for himself."
Mabel nodded, then she stepped around Ford and grabbed Dipper's hand, which was hanging limply next to his shorts. "Come on bro-bro. We have to go..."
"Wait! We need some food before we head out!" Ford said, glancing down at his stomach, which seemed almost nonexistent. "I haven't eaten anything in thirty years! I'm getting some coffee and jelly beans."
Dipper stared at Ford as Mabel dragged him into the broken house after Ford, who was dragging Stan. "Author..." He mumbled, and Mabel nodded. "Yes Dipper, that's the Author. Grunkle Stanford!"
"Please, call me Ford!" Ford called back to her, and she beamed at him. "Okay Grunkle Ford!"
"Author." Dipper mumbled. "The Author is my great uncle." Ford laughed. "Yes. I must say, your impressions of me were humorous. Spot on with the voice Dipper." To be honest, Dipper felt a little embarrassed when he dashed forward, releasing Mabel's hand and tripped almost immediately after, and falling on his face. Ford turned around and stared down at his nephew, along with Stan.
"Dipper! Kid! Are you okay?" Ford asked kneeling down and extending a hand out to Dipper, who took it like it was made out of solid gold. "I'm fine... Thanks... You're the Author of the Journals!"
Ford beamed at his nephew. "Yes, yes I am." He pulled Dipper up and said quietly, "We have much to discuss. But now! Let's eat so we can go get that hair!" He placed a hand on Dipper's shoulder and led him into the kitchen, where Stan already was.
"Stanley, do you think you could start some Stancakes?" Ford asked, waving the kids into chairs around the table. "I don't really feel like eating brown meat. I'll get some coffee brewing."
Stan nodded, but he still had little to no idea about what was going on.
Hi guys! I'm here again!
So I was thinking somewhat of Chapter 20, and I thought, "Hey, what if Ford was in the mindscape around Gravity Falls instead of the Multiverse?" I figure that he'd probably be a bit more ticked off at Stan for a few things, but ultimately be more... nice? to his brother. And confusion. All the Stan and Dipper confusion.
Ford just following the kids around because he has nothing better to do is just... sort of sad. Luckily the kids are Dipper and Mabel, so it's always worth it!
I hope you stay happy, healthy, safe and sane. Have a great day!
-BrilliantLight