Memories came to you more often as your healing progressed. Some were pleasant: lazy days with the Avengers, dates with Loki, playing with your brothers as children. Some were heartbreaking: the news of Barney dying, Loki dying, watching Clint be beaten within an inch of his life. Some were horrid: shooting people who you never knew because a superior told you to, choking the life out of a young girl, being forced into a cold, dark chamber, not knowing if you were ever coming out. It was overwhelming at times. You had to process old emotions and events while taking in new ones. You needed a break from the hustle of the Avengers Compound, so when Loki proposed a trip to Avengers Tower for two weeks, you wholeheartedly accepted.

You sat next to Loki in the backseat of a black SUV. He was holding your hand as you looked out the window, admiring the architecture and watching the people on the crowded sidewalks. Tony had elected his head of security, Happy, to drive the two of you to the Tower after hearing of your plans. Suddenly, the car turned right into a driveway and you saw the last glimpse of the city as the car went underground and concrete replaced the blue sky dotted by buildings. The car came to a stop and Happy got out to open the door for you. You looked over at Loki, who squeezed your hand and smiled reassuringly. It was surprisingly nice to have someone who always seemed to know what was going on in your head at any given moment.

You slide out of the car, softly thanking Happy as he closed the door behind you. Loki was by your side at the back of the car a few seconds later, helping you get the luggage. Once the last of it was out, Loki thanked Happy and said he would let Friday know if there were any problems.

Soon enough, Happy was leaving with the car and you were waiting for the elevator with the luggage, all alone with your soulmate for the first time in recent memory. There was a ding and the doors slid open. You grabbed your two bags and stepped in, Loki right behind you. He said a floor number to the AI as your thoughts began to spiral. You had been alone with Loki before, but not without anyone else near you. There was always someone a few rooms away.

The elevator opened, revealing an open concept living area. Loki spoke as you stepped into the room, "This was the floor that we shared when we lived here. I'll show you all the other floors later, but I figured you would want to settle in first." He knew you were feeling apprehensive and easing you in would help ease your nerves. You set your bags on the floor, slowly walking around. This all felt familiar, more home than the Compound ever felt. You stopped in the center of the room, noticing the two hallways on either side of the room. Loki came to stand next to you, "I've missed this place," he said softly, his gaze landing on you, "I was a bit displeased when Tony decided that we were moving, more so than the others."

You met his eyes, wondering why he seemed to have such an attachment to this place. The only place he ever talked about with fondness was Asgard; although whenever you asked about his family he changed the subject, saying something about how Thor was the only person that mattered. "Why this place? What makes it so great?"

Loki thought for a few seconds before responding, "This is where I came to understand Midgardians. This is where I learned how fragile life can be." He looks directly at you, "This is where I fell in love with you and where you fell in love with me."

You try not to squirm as he looked at you, you always wanted to when he got like this. This was one of those moments where you could tell he wanted to say or do something but was refraining from doing it. You often wondered if he wanted to be more affectionate with you but was holding himself back. You only ever held hands and you had only kissed him twice more since the first one. It wasn't that you didn't want to, it was that touch wasn't something you were acclimated to yet and you were still afraid that he was going to leave you.

He smiles, trying to distract you from your thoughts that he could tell were spiraling. You never understood how he could be so patient. "Let me show you the other rooms." He takes your hand, leading you down the hallway to the left. He skipped past the first door, "That was our library. There's nothing in there now as the books are all at the Compound." He opens the last door, revealing a large bedroom, "This was our bedroom. It's rather plain now as all the personal belongings are at the Compound, but this is where we used to sleep." He hadn't told you yet, but there was an unused room in the compound with everything you shared, waiting for the day that both of you were ready to use it.

You stepped in, letting your hand fall out of his. As he said, it was sparse, just containing furniture. There was a bed in the center, flanked by two nightstands. There was a small bookshelf next to a desk. Lastly, there were two chairs in front of a TV screen mounted on the wall. It didn't seem all the special to you, but you had to remind yourself that you weren't seeing what it used to look like.

Loki sits on the bed, "Through there is the bathroom. The other hallway contains two more bedrooms, but I don't think there's anything in them. Tony is slowly starting to empty this place because he plans to sell it since we live at the Compound full time." You were half-listening, hoping to get some flash of memory from something in this room, but you were coming up with nothing. "We're here for two weeks, you'll remember something, I promise." You turn to face him, smiling slightly as you walk over to sit next to him. You lean your head on his shoulder, "We should unpack, and then we can settle in for a movie, alright?" You nod in agreement, but you didn't want to move just yet, which he somehow seemed to know because he didn't move.

You were deeply enjoying this silent moment. You had closed your eyes and were relaxing for the first time in who knows how long. Loki was the only person who you could allow yourself to relax completely around. You took a deep breath, his scent was familiar at this point, but you had yet to be able to describe it with any word other than Loki.

You opened your eyes and lifted your head after a few minutes, a smile on your face as you stood. "Can we order food? I'm starving."

Loki stands as well, speaking as he walks towards the door, "Of course, I know just the place."

Time Skip: 12 Hours

Your first day back at the Tower had been quite the success. The food had been from a shawarma spot a few blocks away and it brought back a memory: you with the Avengers eating after what must have been the Battle of New York. After lunch, you had unpacked your bags in the big bedroom with Loki's help. He placed his things in one of the rooms down the hall, as he had assumed that you wouldn't want to share a room with him. You hadn't said anything at the time, but since you had been shown the bedroom, you had been thinking about inviting the god to sleep in the same bed. No funny business; just sleeping next to him. The thought had been pushed from your brain once Loki suggested that he show you the rest of the Tower. You spent the rest of the afternoon being shown around the place you once called home. At your request, more shawarma was ordered for dinner and you ate it in the common room on the main floor, watching the sunset and the city light up.

After assisting with the cleanup, you asked if you could watch a movie before you went up to bed. Loki agreed and put in a movie called Star Wars: A New Hope. You enjoyed it immensely, movie nights at the Compound were your favorite thing as you had no memory of any pop culture and this was a good way to bring up memories. When the movie ended and Loki informed you there were more movies in the series, you immediately asked if you could watch the next one. Loki couldn't deny you anything, so The Empire Strikes Back began as soon as you asked.

You were exhausted as the credits rolled and stood up, calling it a night. Loki turned off the TV, planning to walk you to your room before retiring to his. Once at your door, Loki leaned in, preparing to press a kiss to your cheek when you stopped him, "You know, you could sleep in here, if you wanted." He pulled back, looking surprised by your suggestion but before he could speak, you found yourself rambling, "I'm not trying to say I want to do anything with you, because I don't. But when I say that I don't mean that I don't want to do anything with you…just I'm not ready for that kind of thing yet. I mean I barely remember anything that has to do with it other than the basics but that doesn't have anything to do with this conversation at all and I'm just rambling now and would greatly appreciate it if you said something so I could shut up." You look up at him expectantly, hoping he would either let you down gently or accept.

"Okay." He states simply, but you could tell he was thrilled. "I'll go change and be back here in a few minutes."

You reached behind you, opening the door and hiding the smile that threatened to appear. "Okay." You step into the room and shut it as he walks away. You quickly change into your pajamas and do your simple night routine before planting yourself on the bed, thrumming with nervous energy.

There was a knock on the door just as you started to wonder if he was going to show up. You spring up and force yourself to walk at a slow pace. You open the door slowly, taking in his appearance. He had his hair in a low ponytail, his sharp jawline. He was wearing a tight, black t-shirt and green lounge pants. You try not to feel self-conscious about your sleepwear: an old band t-shirt that Clint had given you and worn-out sleep shorts. You open the door all the way, allowing him to step inside He walks towards the left side of the bed as you close the door. You realize that must have been his side when the two of you shared this room. You walk to the right side, lifting the covers and sliding under them. Loki goes around, turning off the lights before doing the same. You feel him slide close to you before stopping himself.

You turn to face him, "Hi," you whisper, not knowing what else to do.

He takes it in stride, a soft huff of laughter followed by, "Hi."

"I'm not sure how this works."

"Well," you hear a sigh and some shifting before you feel a hand on your waist. "Typically, when you ask this of someone, you cuddle. But we don't…"

You cut him off before he could say anything more, "Okay." You move closer until you were touching his chest. You tilt your head up so he could hear you, "Like this?"

"Yes, something like that." You feel his arms slide under your side and the other one goes around the top to meet it as he pulls you closer to him. You curl up, used to sleeping close to yourself as you were always cold. Loki worked with it, curling up a bit before you heard a pleased sigh and could tell he closed his eyes. You did the same as you thought: This is nice. I could get used to this. You cleared your mind of any thoughts, something you had to do every night to allow yourself to sleep and drifted off in his warm embrace.

Time Skip: 8 Hours

You woke up to the sound of a shower running and an empty bed. You found yourself to be more disappointed than you expected at the lack of his presence. You then realize that your sleep had been absent of nightmares for the first time in recent memory. You turned onto your side, preparing to curl into yourself and go back to sleep when the shower stops.

You open your eyes again just as the bathroom door opens and Loki steps out, his modesty barely covered by a towel as it threatened to slip off his hips at any moment. Your eyes widened at the sight, but you didn't dare look away. After a few seconds, your eyes travel up his body, finally reaching his face when you realize he knew you were awake and very blatantly checking him out. He looked very pleased with himself as he walked over to you.

"Good morning, love." His voice was a dangerous whisper as he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. You wanted to surge up and kiss his lips. You saw yourself grabbing him and pulling him down on top of you, his towel getting lost in the action and one thing leading to another. But of course, that was all in your head. Loki, however, could tell what you were thinking as per usual and he leaned down to your lips, glancing back up at you for consent. You gave a curt nod and he surged forward. He didn't deepen it, not wanting to frighten you away, but out of the few kisses you had shared with him, this was the most scandalous of them all. You were the only one to break it, having run out of air. Loki had a look of pride on his face as he sat next to you. You still had the urge to grab him and deepen the kiss, but as always, your fear of being left alone was running through you.

"How did you sleep?" Loki pulled you out of your thoughts. The prideful look on his face replaced with kind eyes and a soft smile.

"I…I didn't have any nightmares," you answered softly, surprised by how calm you sounded after the thoughts that had been running through your head

"That's great!" He grins leaning down to kiss you again but stopping himself. This time you went the rest of the way. It was a lingering kiss, but nowhere near as intense as the one before. You had scared yourself out of doing anything more, so this was just a celebratory kiss more than anything else.

After a few more minutes of talking, he excused himself, saying he needed to get dress so he could make breakfast. You slip out from under the covers when he leaves, walking to the bathroom, figuring you might as well shower.

Time Skip: 30 Minutes

You were drying your hair with your powers, so you didn't hear the knock on the bathroom door, too deep in your head to notice. The door opened and Loki popped his head in, eyes widening when he realized you had discarded your towel as you finished your hair.

You opened your eyes as you finished, seeing Loki in the mirror. You immediately grab the towel off the counter, quickly wrapping it around yourself, face red. To his credit, he had looked away as soon as he realized. You turned around, trying to play it off, "Breakfast?"

Loki looked up when you stepped closer, his face not displaying any emotion. He was a bit embarrassed, more that he walked in on you than anything else. It wasn't anything that he had seen before, but it wasn't as though you had given consent and he was all about that as to not push you into anything. "Yes, uh, waffles."

You nod, pulling the door open more, clutching at the towel, "I'll be out in a few minutes." He steps back, giving you room to step into the bedroom. He quickly left the room, leaving you in peace to change.

You tried not to think about how he looked at you before he averted his eyes. How he wasn't disgusted at the scars covering your body. How his gaze didn't linger at the mess that was where your real arm connected with metal. He looked aroused and appreciative. He looked at you in a way that gave you butterflies in your stomach even as you went to put on clothing.

You walked out of your room and into the hallway, taking a deep breath to compose yourself before entering the living area. Loki was setting up the food on the small table next to the kitchen. He looked up with a shy smile as you entered and sat down.

He sat across from you, waiting for you to serve yourself before speaking, "I'm sorry about that. You didn't hear me so I thought I would just come in, although that isn't an excuse."

You reached your metal hand over, brushing over his before letting it rest on top of it. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean to. Besides, after what I saw, it's only fair." It was his turn to get a bit red at your comment. Although his display had been deliberate. He knew that you were eager but scared to move forward, as your rambling the night before had displayed. He was trying to encourage you a bit, show there was nothing to be afraid of, and that he wasn't going to leave you. You were beginning to suspect as much, which is why you were teasing him a bit. You retracted your hand and took a bite of your waffle, which was already doused in syrup thanks to the god sitting across from you. You smiled at him around your fork before questioning what you would be doing today.

"I figured we could do some sightseeing around the city if you're comfortable with that." The only problem would be disguising the both of you. He was a well-known Avenger and the world didn't exactly know what was going on with you. They knew you had been missing, but Tony had told PR not to announce that you were back yet, just to give you some time to be anonymous. If someone took a picture of the two of you, it would be all over. "I would have to put a simple charm on us to disguise our identities. We would still be able to recognize each other, but no one else would know who we are."

You think for a few seconds, the magic didn't bother you at all. Whenever Loki showed you any of his charms, you were amazed. It was more the going out in public part of it. You were scared you would be a trigger into the other you or you would remember something horrible and have a breakdown. But this trip was about conquering fears and this was something you could conquer with Loki at your side. You take a deep breath and speak, "Okay, but nothing too far from the Tower."

"Central Park? It's a 5-minute taxi ride," he replied, smiling at you. He hadn't expected you to say yes but was thrilled that you did. He figured Central Park was quintessential New York City. It was also not going to be super crowded as it was a chilly Thursday in September. He smiles bigger when you nod, "We can leave after we eat. I'll put the charm on us right before we leave. It only lasts for a few hours though, so I can either redo it when it runs out or we can return before it does."

"I think we should judge it based on how I am," you reply, grabbing a strawberry and biting into it. You were always a bit surprised how considerate Loki was of your situation. You thought that one day he might wake up and decide he was tired of dealing with you, but for now, he seemed more than happy to put up with you.

"That sounds like a plan." He smiles, following your lead and biting into a strawberry.

Time Skip: 3 Hours

You were wandering in Strawberry Fields Garden, taking in everything, from the smallest flowers to the buildings just visible through the tree line. You still weren't sure who John Lennon was, Loki had attempted to explain the significance of his band to you, but you did know that this garden was beautiful. You had been roaming around the park since you arrived, Loki allowing you to choose the direction and what things you did. So far, the garden was your favorite, although the carousel was a close second. You had skipped over the zoo, the number of people milling around the entrance had scared you off.

You sat on the bench, looking around at the leaves that were beginning to change color. Loki sat next to you, watching your face rather than looking at the surroundings. This was the happiest he had seen you since you had returned.

You finally look over at him, a huge smile on your face, "It's so peaceful here. This…John Lennon?" You wait for his nod before continuing, "I hope he's happy with this."

"I believe, that wherever he is, that he appreciates this place." He took your hand, squeezing it as he smiled. The Beatles were one of the Midgardian musicians that he admired. The songs they composed were unique and beautiful. "When we go back, I will play some of his music for you."

You nod, going back to looking around. There were only a few people in the gardens with you. You knew Loki's charm was working well as no one had stopped either of you and asked if you were who they thought you were. "Thank you for taking me here." You looked back over at him, your smiling fading a bit, "This is…I needed this. It's refreshing to see ordinary people just living their lives. I'm not sure if I took this stuff for granted before or if it's just taking longer to remember moments like this, but all of this is giving me, I guess the word is hope."

He didn't speak for nearly a minute. You were worried you had said something wrong, but you had just stunned him into silence. You hadn't displayed any kind of deep emotion like this yet and it gave him, as you had just said, hope for the future. "That was beautifully said, love. I'm glad I could help give you this." He smiled, bringing your hand up to his lips to kiss it.

You blushed at his actions, "I don't deserve you. Your kindness, I mean." You couldn't believe you admitted that, but you were apparently in an emotive mood. "After everything I've done…that they made me do, I don't deserve anything more than a cell, much less everything you do for me."

He smiled wistfully, reaching his hand out to tuck your hair behind your ear, "I know you must feel that way, but as you said, they made you do it. I know that what happened over the past 2 years was not your fault. You deserve to be treated like this because you are a good person. I know you don't remember this, but you helped me become who I am today. You showed me kindness after the wrongs I committed to your world. I believed the same thing you believe now, but your kindness and fair treatment allowed me to become who I am now, and I believe I can do the same for you."

Now it was you who was stunned into silence. He was accurate in stating that you had no recollection of these events, but the way he described what you did was snapping everything into place. He felt the way he did about you, not just because of the words on his body, but because you had helped him and treated him like a human when no one else had. That was why it all felt familiar in a weird way, you were going through the same thing. Without warning you leaned in, pressing your lips against his. You weren't sure what you could say in response to that, so you hoped this was a sufficient response.

He leaned into you, his hand moving up to cup the back of your neck. He knew what you meant by this; he always knew what you meant. You pulled back and he let his hand fall. He spoke before you tried to explain yourself, "You are enough for me and I know you appreciate everything I do, even if you don't think you deserve it."

You smiled shyly, your cheeks slightly pink. You couldn't meet his eyes as you felt as though you might do something stupid like kiss him again or start crying because you couldn't stand how good he was to you. After a minute or so, you rose, holding your hand out to him, "Should we go get lunch? Maybe have a picnic?" You were feeling a bit giddy from the kiss and a bit overwhelmed from all the emotions running through you and moving on from it would give you time to calm down and process it all.

"I think I know just the place." He took your hand, leading you out of the gardens and down the main path that was more crowded than before. People were on their lunch breaks right around now and the tourists were finishing up their day at the zoo. He squeezed your hand to relax you as he could feel your grip tighten as you noticed everyone, "It's okay. I'm here."

You looked at him instead of the people passing by, taking a deep breath. He was right. Everything was okay if he was here with you.

Time Skip: 10 Hours

You had spent the rest of the day in Central Park. Loki had to redo his charm around 2 PM, but everything had gone better than you could have hoped for. You had shared a few more kisses with your soulmate after the first one in the garden. With each kiss, you got bolder. You weren't sure what it was, but something had changed after your emotional exchange on that bench.

You had arrived at the Tower just in time for dinner. Loki ordered pizza and you enjoyed it while listening to the brilliance that was The Beatles. Now you were cuddling on the couch, watching the last movie in the original Star Wars trilogy. You were fully paying attention, not wanting to miss a second of the exciting conclusion to the adventures of Luke, Leia, Chewie, Han, and Lando. Even though it was hard to focus at points knowing Loki was right there.

At this point, you figured some of your new confidence came from him acting the same with you in public that he had since you had discovered you were soulmates. He didn't change his mannerisms, his affection, the way he looked at you. It gave you peace of mind that maybe he wasn't just acting like this to make you happy.

You were so deep in your thoughts that you realized you had missed at least five minutes of the movie. You sighed heavily, "Could you go back a few minutes? I missed some of it."

After glancing at you to make sure you weren't distressed, he did as you asked without complaint. His arm returned to your waist after the movie was in the right place. You smiled a bit to yourself, you were doing an 'I told you so' cheer in your head towards the side of your brain that was still attempting to tell you he didn't care.

The movie ended without another disturbance. You sat in silence as the credits rolled. Both of you were enjoying the company of the other and Loki didn't want to ruin the moment. He was so proud of all the progress you had made today. The world was finally letting the two of you have peace after everything it put you both through.

He broke the quiet, "Shall we watch something else?" His voice was low, trying his best not to disturb the peace.

You considered his question for a few moments, "Can we just…sit like this for a bit longer?" You weren't sure why, but you needed this too. Knowing that he trusted you enough and loved you enough to just sit like this. As a response, he kissed your forehead before he relaxed back into the couch.

You were both so content that 20 minutes passed by before you spoke, "We can do something now if you'd like." You stifled a yawn that came out. All of today's events had left you more tired than you would like to admit.

Loki chuckled at your scrunched-up nose, "We can retire to the bedroom for the night. I am quite tired as well" He wasn't exhausted, but he could sleep if that was what you wished to do.

"That sounds nice," you reply through another yawn, fighting the urge to stay put and snuggle into his side.

Loki smiled, kissing the top of your head as he stood. He held out his hand to you. He was surprised you hadn't fallen asleep before this as he could visibly see how tired you were.

You took his hand, leaning against him when you stood. He led you back to the bedroom and left you on the bed so you could change while he turned off all the lights and change into his pajamas. You mustered up just enough energy to put on pajamas and brush your teeth before crawling under the covers.

By the time he came back, you were already asleep. He smiled fondly, turning off the overhead light and sliding in next to you. As soon as he settled you unconsciously moved closer to him. He pulled you the rest of the way in, acting like the big spoon to your little spoon.

He was so happy that everything was going well for once. There wasn't any international emergency and all of the Avengers were safe and sound back at the Compound. The Norns were finally on his side, it only took them a millennium. He closed his eyes, tipping his head down so it was close to yours. He was truly the happiest he had been in 2 years and he hoped that it would stay this way.

If not for his sake, then for yours. You deserved a happy life after everything you had been through and if anything tried to take it from you, he would crush whoever or whatever it was without a second thought.

Your happiness and health were the most important thing in the multiverse and he would guarantee its survival, even if he had to die to protect it.

And from across

the crowded

room

I saw you

smile

only at

me.

Tyler Knott Gregson

That's chapter 42! It's been a long time y'all and I apologize. With everything that was going on, I finally had to motivation, time, and ideas to write the next chapter. I'm starting my senior year in about a month and it looks like it's going to at least start online, so maybe I'll have more time? Who knows with everything happening. Thanks for everyone who's gotten this far, even bast the (in my opinion) bad beginning. I promise I'm slowly rewriting everything! As always, kudos, likes, comments, etc. are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: Title is from the song In My Life by The Beatles. I don't own any of the characters except for (Y/N), the rest are owned by Disney and Marvel.