J.R. POV
The worst place to cut, this fucking hurts. I wanted to bleed, and the abdomen is an excellent area to achieve that. Not great when you're found and saved from dying. Though, Jayce found me way before I got to that point. I don't know what happened. I cut myself and laid on the floor, but five minutes later, I ended up with an anxiety attack, and Jayce came in. I want to die before Jayce. I don't want to watch her die. She's tried three times, no way she won't try again. Between the thought of Jayce trying to kill herself and the pain I'm in, I'm now crying.
"It's ok," I hear Crosshairs say before feeling a poke, "sorry, but I know you'd refuse no matter how much pain you're in."
He wiped the tears from my eyes, waiting for the pain medicine to kick in before holding me on his lap. Even with the pain gone, I can't stop crying.
"What's going on with you?" He asked. Drift walks in and sits next to him, "I think she just needs a good cry, " Crosshairs tells him.
"I don't understand, J.R. You saw how happy Jamie and Jayce were this afternoon," Drift says as he wiped the tears from my eyes.
You don't want to know.
Five minutes pass and I still can't stop crying.
"How much have you not been telling us?"
Crosshairs moved to lie on the bed, he positions me so Drift could sit on his knees, and rub my back.
Cade POV
I wanted to check on J.R.'s stitches but wasn't prepared for what I saw or heard when I walked into the room.
She can't be crying from pain. I know Crosshairs wouldn't let her.
"What's going on?" I asked Drift, hoping he can hear me.
"We don't know, and she won't tell us. Crosshairs gave her pain relief," Drift says.
I waited two minutes for either of them to tell me to get the drug we've been using to calm the girls. Neither of them told me to get it, so I left the room.
With Jayce and Jamie still sleeping, I sat in my room, thinking about the girls.
I can't tell the Autobots what I've been thinking. They're already terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again, and J.R. may harm herself again. Hard to say if she will try to kill herself. I can't tell the Autobots I'm terrified that I might have to revive either of them. I think they know the fear I have that I could end up trying to revive Jamie, but we've lucked out the past three years. They don't know I review the notes and logs from time to time.
A half-hour passed before I leave my room. No one is in J.R.'s room. Bumblebee is with Jamie, and Hound is with Jayce. Jamie is awake, watching T.V. in her room.
"Crosshairs and Drift are trying to see if time at the lake will help J.R. She stopped crying but is still in distress," Hound informs me, "I don't understand, the three girls were content all afternoon. She didn't fall asleep so, it's not like she woke up, terrified from a nightmare."
"She's terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again," I tell Hound, looking at Jayce.
Drift POV
I know Crosshairs has everything under control, but I wanted to come with him to help with J.R. The one who hid her emotions is the one struggling the most. Crosshairs took her for a walk, though he was carrying her, while I sat on the hood of my alt mode. Good thing this is a rural area. No one would understand why Crosshairs is carrying a grown woman. I doubt anyone would understand the girls' friendship and what these girls went through. We may do things differently, but we do what we need to. The things Jayce and J.R. have tried while we're here. It's terrifying to think how much sooner all this would happen, and Jamie would watch her friends die alone before taking her own life. I sat on the driver's side of my alt mode and cried.
"Hey, are you ok?" Crosshairs asks. I didn't even hear the door open.
"I don't want to talk about it," I say.
"Ok," Crosshairs says, concerned, "J.R. fell asleep. I'm going back to the base," he informed me and closed the door. Looking at the time, Crosshairs took J.R. for a ten-minute walk before he returned and found me upset. Ten minutes pass before I returned to the base.
Bumblebee is with Jamie, so I stood on the balcony. Crosshairs joins me five minutes later.
"I don't want to talk about it," I tell him before he could even ask.
"No need to, I know you've been thinking about what would happen if we weren't here." I could tell by his voice that he's been thinking the same.
We didn't realize we've been standing on the balcony for an hour until Crosshairs got a text from Hound. J.R. woke up, terrified. I followed him to her room. Definitely can say the pleasant afternoon we had isn't a sign that the girls are recovering from this shit. Add the tight grip J.R. now has on Crosshairs, and she's trembling. Shit, is she at that point like Jayce? Only two hours of sleep before waking up from a nightmare.
"Jamie...and...Jayce," she sobbed.
Yup, that confirms it, fuck. Even after seeing them, happy and laughing, she still has that nightmare.
"They're ok," Crosshairs assured her, "Go to Jamie's room," Crosshairs insisted, "J.R. will take a while to calm down."
I left the room, worried. Jayce was also awake, terrified, and crying. Should we think this is permanent?
Bumblebee POV
With Drift back in Jamie's room, I went to see how Jayce and J.R. are. Damn, a pleasant afternoon turned into a terrible night.
Cade also discovered Jayce and J.R. are in distress.
"Damn it, what's it going to take for the nightmares to stop?" Cade wondered, "I worry they will be permanent, Bee."
"Add J.R. is terrified Jayce will try to kill herself again. I don't know if it terrifies Jayce J.R. will continue to harm herself or try to kill herself."
"I don't know, Bee," Cade sighed and returned to his room.
I know both Crosshairs and Hound have been trying to avoid drugs, except for pain management for J.R., but I think they'll have to give in.
I went to the medbay and prepared a syringe for both of them along and grabbed two portable vitals monitor. I put one syringe and monitor on the desk of both girls' room and waited in the hallway.
Two hours pass before Hound leaves Jayce's room.
"I tried not to give Jayce the drug. She fell asleep but only slept for an hour. She's getting worse," Hound sighed, "no way she's going to stop trying to kill herself."
I fear he's right. No doubt, J.R. is the same way. What are we going to do?