Chapter 35

Remus Lupin smiled graciously at Mrs. Potter when she handed the basket.

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter. I'll be back after dinner so you wouldn't have to worry about me."

"Oh, you need to do a lot more to make me worry about your behavior", Mrs. Potter answered with an emphasis on 'a lot more'.

Remus chuckled.

With a smile, the brown-haired boy left. Mrs. Potter noticed the boy has grown quite taller than before. He used to slouch, unsure of himself. But now the boy is growing into a man. She felt very proud.

It was very hard for her to have a child. She and her husband tried every method to have one, Merlin knows they did. Those days of seemingly endless wait made her son ever more precious, including every friend he got.

Remus was a very good boy. He had suffered a lot in his childhood which made him a more mature and thoughtful child than her son ever could be. She knew the boy was constantly helping James to pull his head out of his arse.

She just hope that he'd succeed in his task soon.

Mrs. Potter narrowed her eyes when she spotted James Potter suddenly sprinting out of his bedroom.

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A loud wailing of a child would have taken the whole building if not for the numerous charm they had put on Sirius' flat. Instant groans escaped Severus' lips as he struggled to get himself up only to pushed back by a gentle hand.

"I'll go", Sirius whispered, "you go back to sleep."

Severus thought he nodded but was not sure, as he fell back to sleep even before Sirius finished his sentence.

Sirius got out of bed as quietly as possible and headed to the small nursery room they've created right next to their bedroom. The room was painted in light grey and filled with a new set of furniture Sirius purchased.

He did bring the crib from Hogwarts as a reminder.

Inside the beautiful cherry wood crib, their beloved boy was wailing loudly. Sirius hurried to the boy and gently picked him up from the bed. The baby squirmed and cried but Sirius was patient. He soothed the boy, whispering in soft voice. After spending hours and hours of taking care of his son, Sirius learned a few things about child rearing.

"It's only a dream, Cae. Just a nightmare."

Caelum's cry slowed down as he continued to coo him.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Cae, I will always be there for you."

Sirius looked at the sweet little boy drowsing in his arms. A pair of bright grey eyes soon was covered as Caelum fell back to sleep. They were beautiful. He was so beautiful. The thought of this sweet creature belonging to him never failed to amaze him.

Despite all the horror involved in having this child.

Sirius looked up from the boy now soundly asleep and stared at the direction where Severus would be taking much needed rest. He gave the sleeping boy a kiss and went back to their bedroom.

He slowly opened the door where he watched the other boy sleeping.

As he climbed onto the bed, Sirius pushed a strand of dark hair away from Severus face so he can see better. Small frown etched on in between the brows; Severus looked as though passed out rather than resting.

The Slytherin boy haven't been sleeping well lately.

Caelum would wake up in the night, either in hunger or fear of his own dreams. Sirius helps, of course, but there are times when Caelum just needed Severus to calm down.

It did not make him feel bad about him being not enough to Caelum, but it did make him feel sorry for Severus for the extra works he has to do.

The skinny boy is getting skinnier and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looked so exhausted even in his sleep.

Poor boy.

Sirius, when it comes to Severus, cannot help but feeling anxious around him. He didn't want to make him go through any more hardship than he already had to go through. More than Sirius already imposed on him.

Three months have passed since they've finished their school. And in those days, spending time with Severus, raising Caelum together, Sirius went to hell and heaven at the same time. It was so happy, peaceful - albeit hectic -, to be with Severus and their son.

But in those happy moments, the memory of his past attacked him ruthlessly, unannounced. The one he thought it was a dream, a bad dream. He remembered being on top of Severus, ripping his clothes apart, pinning down skinny wrists.

They were so fragile under his grasp. Like branches.

Sirius hands ghosted around where Severus splayed his limbs around. Nothing but bones felt under his fingertips. Weights the other boy had gained during pregnancy were lost postpartum. He thought people put on more weights after giving birth but somehow Severus didn't.

It's not that it mattered how Severus looks, but it worried him deeply as it showed how Severus' having difficult time.

Sirius stretched his arm around Severus' waist, spooning him snugly.

He thought having him here would make a difference, but somehow Sirius cannot help but to think this is not enough for Severus.

Or maybe it's just Sirius wallowing self-hatred and disgust. Whatever hardships Severus is going through as he stay here, he hadn't shared with Sirius, if he had any.

It's just that…

Sometimes, even with Severus in his arms, he cannot believe that this is happening.

He raped Severus.

That will never change. No matter what.

So how was he supposed to believe that the person he had inflicted unmeasurable pain would stay with him here, forever?

In some nights, Sirius would just wake up and make sure none of them had left him. He would just hold tired Severus in his arms for hours and hours before he finally doze off. Because, at some moment in their mundane routine of battling child rearing, the memory of the night would be reminded somehow. And it burns his inside like a liquid fire melting him down.

The funny thing is, in this whole fiasco, he cannot let Severus go.

He can never let them go.

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"Don't you think it's getting a bit hard, here?" Severus asked as he pressed his finger gently on Caelum's lower gum. "I've felt it few days ago for the first time, and it's getting harder."

Caelum tried to shake himself away from his touch, whining.

"Is it bad?" Sirius asked, stepping closer to them.

Severus looked up to meet his grey eyes before chuckling, "no". He then cooed his son, adjusting his hold on the boy.

"I think he's teething."

"Teething?"

"Yeah, his teeth are starting to grow. Remember from what we read?"

Sirius had to take in for a moment to process. He felt dumb for not understanding it right away, but it was just...

"Wow."

...surprising at the least to see how fast his son is growing.

Sirius smiled goofily as he watched his son toying with Severus' long hair. It was just so magical and surreal for him. All of this, all of this moment was everything he wanted but never thought he would have a taste of it.

It was the most potent magic he have ever witnessed in his life: to have a family of his own.

And no matter how much it scared him to death, Sirius, for the first time in his life, was truly happy.