Kayano is the first one to come to Gakushuu with her concern.
It's a few days after the incident with the kids. They're preparing for bed while Karma helps Nagisa finish up some work in the other room. Kayano's fluffing her pillow and Gakushuu's absentmindedly flipping through a book as he waits for lights out. It's abruptly, almost, that Kayano speaks with this slight sense of worry to her voice.
"Hey… Gakushuu? Can you tell me if you think something is worrying?"
"Mmm?" Gakushuu says, glancing her way but not closing his book. "What is it?"
"Well… it's probably nothing, but the other day when I was talking with Kiyoshi he said something I just can't get my mind off of. You're the most rational one here. Do you think it's weird that he told me he's giving up science?"
"What do you mean?" Gakushuu asks, deciding not to boast about the fact that she just called him the most rational one here.
"It was - it was like a throwaway comment, really, but sandwiched in the middle of telling me he was never gonna hurt anyone again he just sort of… dropped that. He moved on before I could comment on it, but it left a weird taste in my mouth."
"Why?"
"Well… like… if he wants to, that's fine. But it felt like he was saying that just to sate me. He's always been a smart kid. I don't want him to give up something he's passionate about because he thinks I wouldn't trust him with that power."
"Well…" Gakushuu asks. "Would you?"
Kayano shrugs. "It's hardly up to me. Either way it felt… concerning. His mom's coming home Sunday. I don't want him to still be in a weird mindset when he sees her. Do you have any advice? I know it's different, but you grew up…" she pauses. "...Like that. I still remember your spite stage. Do you think it could be something like that?"
Gakushuu grimaces.
"If it is he's most certainly not going to listen to us about it. Teenagers are a handful."
"Mmm," Kayano says. "Either way, even if it's not an issue… I think we should just keep an eye on him, just in case. I think he's doing better... I really do, but I wouldn't want him to do anything he'll regret just to avoid resembling that guy, you know?"
"Of course," Gakushuu says. "Though I doubt it's a worry, better safe than sorry. We'll watch out for him."
"...Thanks, Gakushuu," Kayano says, placing her pillow on the bed.
"Any time, Akari."
...Makoto is the next to approach him.
"Hey… Asano-san… you're really smart, right?"
It's after school on a Friday afternoon. Fumiko is watching movies with Kayano, and Kiyoshi is bickering with Karma in the other room.
"Yes. Something like that," Gakushuu brags. "Why do you ask?"
"Well… uh… I was talking to Kiyoshi the other day and he said some weird stuff about his interests from back then and how he was never gonna touch them again. That's fine if he just doesn't wanna do it anymore in the same way I don't wanna teach, but last I checked Kiyoshi was really good at science. He's the guy who taught me how to make a bottle rocket! Do you think maybe there's something wrong with him?"
"I'm not sure about wrong," Gakushuu replies. "But that certainly is… concerning. Kayano actually brought up a similar worry a few nights ago, so it is particular that he's mentioned it more than once." He thinks. "Do you believe it to be serious?"
"Well… yeah!" Makoto says. "I told him outright I want him to just be himself around me. But I'm not sure if he got that that meant all of him, warts, too. Can you try talking to him maybe? I mean… you were super evil as a kid, but you're not that different than you were back then. Surely you know how to be a better person without giving up what makes you you. If you point that out to him maybe he'll cheer up!"
"Perhaps…" Gakushuu muses.
"C'mon! Do it for me?" Makoto begs, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Pretty please?"
Gakushuu sighs. He doesn't exactly want to, but he'd have to be a monster to turn Makoto down. Besides… he's just as invested in Kiyoshi's wellbeing as the rest of them... and if he's intending on having a kid soon he may as well get well-versed in giving advice. It's the least he can do to prepare.
"Very well then," he agrees. "I'll see what I can do for him."
"Thank you!" Makoto cries, wrapping his arms around Gakushuu. "I really, really, really appreciate it. You're the best, Asano-san."
Gakushuu stiffens slightly at his touch, but nods.
"Yeah," he says. "I know."
With that, he marches into the other room. There Kiyoshi sits, squealing with a pillow over his head as he attempts to protect himself from an undoubtedly malicious Karma. Stepping between them, Gakushuu glares.
"Mind if I borrow Kiyoshi for a minute? Or are you going to insist on bullying the child?"
"I'm not bullying him," Karma replies, rolling his eyes. "We're just having a pillow fight. Right, Kiyoshi?"
Kiyoshi lets out an annoyed groan as he rapidly shakes his head.
"Okay. No. This is an intervention. Why don't you go and hit Makoto with a pillow instead? I'm sure he'll enjoy it much more." With that, Gakushuu walks over to Kiyoshi. He gently pries the pillow from over his head and helps him to his feet. "Mind talking with me for a minute? Something came up and I'd like to discuss it with you."
"I… uh- I don't mind one bit!" Kiyoshi says, scrambling off the couch. "I'll be back later, Akabane-san. But… uh! You better not pick on me again or Asano-san will make you regret it!"
His threat hardly sounds confident, but Gakushuu nods nevertheless.
"That I will," he says.
With that, he and Kiyoshi scram. He leads him into the study, carefully sitting down on a couch and motioning Kiyoshi to follow.
Kiyoshi glances over cautiously... asks, "Uh… is there something you actually wanted to talk about? Or were you just looking for an excuse to get me away from Akabane-san?" He stiffens. "Uh-! Thanks for that, by the way. He is a menace."
"There's something I'd actually like to talk about," Gakushuu says. "Don't worry. It should only take a minute."
"O… okay then!" Kiyoshi says, awkwardly taking a seat next to him. He shifts slightly. "Is it about… uh… the whole Yanagisawa thing? I know you're the only one I haven't really discussed it with, but I didn't think you'd be particularly interested. It's not like you knew me."
"It… is," Gakushuu admits, to Kiyoshi's frown. "But… only tangentially. I was talking to a few friends of yours and I heard something rather concerning. Is it true you intend to give up on science?"
It seems to take Kiyoshi a moment to even realize what he's talking about. He stiffens slightly… then relaxes, this certain little frown on his face.
"I mean… yeah," he says, scratching at his shoulder. "Is there a problem with that?"
"No. Not exactly," Gakushuu says. "But I am curious as to why. You're good at it, you know."
"I know," Kiyoshi says, shoulders sinking. "But that just feels like part of the problem. The real question is why wouldn't I?" He pauses. "I'm working on leaving everything that guy was behind. And that feels like an important part of it. If I'm gonna be a better person now that means I don't need anything he treasured. I don't want to resemble him even remotely… much less engage with the same methods he used to perform evil."
There's a heaviness to his voice. But a sense of objectivity, too. He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. If he weren't a smarter person Gakushuu would almost be inclined to believe him! But then he remembers just how skilled Kiyoshi is… the fact that Kiyoshi's wanted to be a STEM major his entire life and feels a sour taste in his mouth.
"Science isn't evil, you know." He frowns. "I thought you were smart enough to realize that. Just because some psychopath used it to do horrible things fifteen years ago doesn't brand it as a hobby for psychopaths- only. I know plenty of scientists who are kind, smart, well-adjusted people. And so do you. Okuda… Takebayashi… Koyama… hell-! I will call up Koyama right now. You want to repeat what you just said to his face!?"
"Eep! Eep! No!" Kiyoshi cries. "I don't mean- like - gah. I know that, okay? I know science isn't evil. Without science we wouldn't have cell phones! Without science we wouldn't have seedless watermelon… vaccines… cures for terrible diseases! I'm not - I would never say that's bad! I'm just worried that… maybe…" he drifts off. "That… it can't be trusted in my hands specifically."
He glances down nervously. Scoots away from Gakushuu and frowns.
"So… let me get this straight," Gakushuu says. "It's not about objectivity, nor is it even about what you want or enjoy. It's about what you believe you can trust yourself with."
"Well… yeah!" Kiyoshi says. "I'm trying to hold myself accountable."
"Will that really make you happy?"
"It's not about what will make me happy," Kiyoshi stubbornly replies. "It's about doing what's right. And I think becoming a new person is the best way for me to do that. I don't want to leave any aspects of myself behind, but… well, I also really don't wanna think of that guy as me. Anything I have in common with him has to go. I'm new now. I'm better. "
He sounds uncertain, but there's a resolve behind his eyes. "There are still a lot of things I feel like I can't trust myself with. I'm not going to force myself or the other people around me to deal with them. It's… uh… the same reason I'm going to get my eyes fixed. I'm not saying I shouldn't be happy. But this is how I'm going to find happiness. Leaving the past behind entirel-"
"Wait. Wait. Excuse me?"
Kiyoshi shifts. "What?"
"What on earth was that about your eyes? What do you mean you're getting them fixed?"
"My heterochromia!" Kiyoshi admits, annoyed.
"Yes, I'm aware, but why? Those surgeries can be very dangerous, you know."
"I know," Kiyoshi says simply, placing his cheek on his palm. "So?"
Gakushuu frowns deeply. He really, really, really does not get this past life thing. Maybe it's because he's a skeptic, or maybe it's just because he didn't know the guy personally, but he cannot understand what the big deal is. The whole ordeal may as well be rocket science to him… discounting the fact that he actually already understands rocket science and that means this is somehow worse than rocket science.
"So what's the point of taking the risk?"
"Because it makes me uncomfortable, okay!?" Kiyoshi snaps. "I'm working on liking myself, Asano-san. And my eyes... they... they make me feel branded. Every time I look in the mirror, I…" he drifts off. "...I don't know. I just hate it. But I wouldn't expect you to get that."
Gakushuu sighs, but he knows better than to take it personally. Steepling his fingers and giving Kiyoshi an intense look, he says "I believe I would, actually. There's a reason you asked me in particular what to do when you used to be a bad person, isn't there?"
Kiyoshi's quiet for a long moment... looking cornered, almost. When he speaks up it's stubbornly.
"Yes. And you told me to do better in the future."
"This isn't better!" Gakushuu replies. "This is pointless. Paranoia. And you know why I know that? I've been a dumb teenager too."
Kiyoshi looks ready to argue, but must decide against it. Instead, he slumps down against the couch and comments in a grouchy voice, "Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know about all the horrible stuff you did. "
"That you do," Gakushuu admits. "But what about all the stupid things?"
Kiyoshi is silent.
"Did you know I was something of a delinquent in my second year of high school?"
Kiyoshi does a double-take. Brows furrowed and a scowl on his face he says "No you weren't."
"Yes I was," Gakushuu insists. "Perhaps not the brand of hooligan you're thinking of, but I was one. Skipped class and everything."
Kiyoshi sputters. "I- what? Since wh- why!?"
"I told you: because I was an imbecile," Gakushuu says. "Post…" he pauses. "...defanging of my father I entered a very strange time in my life. My relationship with him was still strained but he was attempting to become a positive figure to me. He'd keep telling me 'good job' about my grades… about my hobbies… and something about it pissed me off. I felt like I was receiving praise without deserving it. I felt naked and unchallenged without his usual criticism. And most importantly I felt like I no longer had a way to hurt him."
"I hated it. I hated the way he talked to me and in turn I began to hate anything that earned his praise. He'd tell me my skills on the guitar were improving and I knew that was a lie coming from someone like him so I put it away. He told me my martial arts were impressive and so I stopped practicing around him, before stopping entirely. I could not - would not grow up into the kind of son he wanted. I'd already decided that a long time ago."
"It was also around this time that I was starting to become better friends with Akabane. And as you know… Akabane lived a… degenerate lifestyle. I started joining him on his outings… skipping class… battling delinquents. Anything to make my father disappointed in me once more. I wanted to go back to a time that was familiar… far less frustrating. But to my dismay, he never snapped. He continued to be that truly irritating person. And I..." he pauses.
"...I ended up suffering on my midterms. I did not fail. I do not do failure, but I… ended up falling far behind my own expectations. I was distraught, but hopeful, too. Perhaps that would finally be the thing that returned my relationship with my father to normal. But… even that did not dissuade him. He simply told me he knew I could do better than that and left me alone in my room."
"I was so… so frustrated! I hated it because I knew he was right... but also because I wanted to forge an identity outside of him. I so desperately wanted to have something that belonged to me, and I felt my intelligence could never be that. But sitting alone on my bed… frustrated… close to tears… I realized that if this same thing happened in third year I could jeopardize my future. I wasn't even doing something I enjoyed. I couldn't let my hate for my father sway me like that. I had to find passion again, and this time I had to find it for myself."
"Ultimately… I believe I did. As you know I'm a moderately successful and smart person. Akabane told me that I'd never really been cut out for that sort of lifestyle anyways… that he thought it was more funny than anything, and I returned to my studies. I got top rankings on my finals, alongside my tests in third year. And I ended up acing my college applications."
"In the end, it turns out I only abandoned my studies to spite my father… not to make myself happy. Whether I like it or not I'm an intelligent, calculating person. And… it shouldn't matter where that comes from. Perhaps I do only have a penchant for studying and an expertise in business because of the way I was raised. Despite how depressing that fact is, I AM my father's son. And he molded the kind of person I grew up into."
"My hobbies… my interests… my skill sets… in different ways, each is influenced by my childhood. But even having abandoned my father… even having realized he damaged me, I've learned to embrace those traits in my own right. They no longer belong to him, even if they are because of him. I am my own person, as are you."
Kiyoshi's expression seems to falter somewhat. Deep in thought... he furrows his brows. Still, when he speaks, he doesn't sound entirely convinced.
"...I'm really sorry you went through that," he says. "That sounds messed up, Asano-san. But… that's different, isn't it? Even if your dad affected you, he still isn't you. I… I really did those things, even if it was in a past life. And saying I'm my own person completely outside of that just feels dishonest."
"Why?" Gakushuu asks. "Why exactly do you feel that way?"
"Because it's like… yeah, your family affects you. But not as much as a past life. You've gotta see that, don't you?"
"No. Not exactly," Gakushuu replies. "In fact, I think you're stuck in your own head. Your family affects you just as much as any of that nonsense does. And if you just need proof of that look at yourself. Your parents have defined the sort of person you've grown into, haven't they?"
Recognition seems to dawn in Kiyoshi's eyes. He glances down at his hands.
"I mean… I… I guess," he admits.
"You know," Gakushuu replies. "Now… I'm not saying you're defined solely by your parents, either, but for better or worse there is no way you would be the person you are today without them. You have your mother's fluffy hair… your father's steady hands and his sense of justice. A wholly inappropriate sense of humor and an overwhelming desire to do what's right. Tell me, Kiyoshi. Do you think that came from Yanagisawa?"
"...No," Kiyoshi admits, shoulders sinking.
"We are built out of many things. To chalk yourself up to just one influence is what would really be dishonest. Which is why I have an… admittedly cutting question to ask. Which is it you would get rid of, Kiyoshi?"
"...Pardon?"
"You said you intended to fix your eyes. Which, then, would you correct? Your black eye… a gift from your father, or your blue eye, which carries your mother's legacy?"
Kiyoshi's expression twists. Still, he doesn't answer.
"You cannot tell me, can you? Nor have you decided. You do not have a real plan, Kiyoshi. You're simply governed by guilt. And as I've already told you: that's no way to live. You are much more than Yanagisawa, and you are much more than the Karasumas' son. You are something entirely you. But while you're trying to understand that for yourself I'd like you to consider the latter. In harming yourself you're harming them just as much as you're harming you. And while perhaps some families deserve that…" he drifts off. "Yours does not."
Kiyoshi shrinks back. Looking utterly ashamed he says "I know! I'd never want to hurt them! But I just feel so… so sick looking at myself in the mirror every morning. I don't know how to become something that's entirely my own."
"That's because you don't have to," Gakushuu replies. "You. Already. Are. Regardless of what you're built from. In the same way I am already not my father, you are already free from definition."
He scoots slightly closer. "I know it's frustrating. Trust me… I know better than anyone that it's hard to get that figured out. But I promise you… no matter what you decide to do it'll be because Kiyoshi decided to do it, not because of Yanagisawa. If you still come to the conclusion that you want to fix your eyes… that you want to pursue a different career, then there's nothing I can do to change that. But at least tell me you're thinking that through instead of acting on impulse. Do you have a backup plan? You've wanted to be a STEM major since you were in elementary school. What's your second option? Is it something as ridiculous as Gakushuu Asano becoming a delinquent on the streets, or do you not have one at all?"
"I mean… not yet…" Kiyoshi admits, scratching at his arm. "...But I've got time to figure it out, don't I? I'm just a kid."
"That you are," Gakushuu says. "And you do. You have nothing to worry about in your future if that's the decision you come to. But my real question is do you really want to… or do you simply feel obligated?"
Kiyoshi falls quiet. Eyes glued to the floor, he gives a defeated shrug.
Gakushuu sighs. Leaning back into the couch he shuts his eyes and thinks. He frowns... gives Kiyoshi a moment of silence... and finally, says.
"...Korosensei could regenerate limbs, you know."
Kiyoshi's head snaps up. Eyes wide… shoulders hunched, he says "What!?"
"Now I never saw it myself..." Gakushuu says. "But I've been told by several sources that he was capable of regrowing his tentacles. Surely there's a way that could be utilized to-"
"No! No! I know that!" Kiyoshi interjects. "I just… - you can't possibly mean- ...I could never do that to anyone again, Asano-san."
"And I'm not saying you should. I would never. I'm not trying to breed the next goddamn sociopath. But what I am saying is that many great discoveries are built on the coattails of horrible people. Erwin Schrodinger was a famous misogynist. James. D. Watson was a staunch believer in eugenics. William Buckland, a famous geologist quite literally ate puppies."
Kiyoshi bolts out of his seat. "He what!?"
Gakushuu holds up a finger. "Besides the point. What I am trying to say is I don't want you to repeat those experiments. They were unethical, insane, and not even applicable to the scientific method, to boot. But what I am saying is there is no way to change the fact that you did those things, and that they could quite easily be reverse-engineered. Okuda and Takebayashi already have the formula to Korosensei's DNA, no torture involved in creating it ... a simple chemical combination. They used it to manufacture a universal blood type. If put to the right use something good can be found in a study based on senseless violence. It already has. And perhaps if more people assist it could be used to help people like your mother."
Kiyoshi's expression twists. Slowly sitting back down, he says "But… isn't that like… still reaping the benefits of something terrible? That feels disingenuous to what Korosensei went through. I don't want something good to come out of what happened back then. I want it to be remembered as what it was plain and simple: something horrible."
"As it deserves to be remembered," Gakushuu admits. "But that does not mean it's 'disingenuous' to find a light in even horrible events. Better to find something to help people than to simply leave a legacy of hurt forever. It's not about the starting point. It's about where you take that discovery next. That doesn't mean what happened will ever be alright... but it's engraved in history... there is no changing that, regardless of what you do. And while it deserves to be remembered with scorn, do you? "
Kiyoshi's quiet for a long moment.
"I dunno," he admits. "Like I said: I'm still trying to get that figured out. I really don't want to be, but I'm scared if I take the wrong chances I'll screw up and slip back into it... that I'll become that kind of person again."
Gakushuu pinches the bridge of his nose. "If I may let you in on a secret, Kiyoshi," he says. "...People like that don't worry about being bad people, nor do they perform those sorts of actions on impulse. Their behavior is thorough… premeditated. It's not just going to 'come out of you' one day."
"But… like… that's not an excuse not to watch myself, is it?"
"Of course not," Gakushuu says. "But you need to watch out for yourself, too. And what you're doing now is protecting just about no-one. As I said: it's paranoia, plain and simple."
"Mmm," Kiyoshi says, before averting his gaze. "...I know I tend to overthink these things. I just don't want to do anything I'll regret. I mean… I already have a history of…-" he drifts off. "...Of treating people poorly."
"By that logic you should avoid everyone… hole yourself up in a shack on the mountains. But you're not doing that, are you? And no-one wants you to. We cannot live our lives defined by fear. Can you imagine if I were too afraid to talk to you right now because I was afraid I'd say something my father would say and make you cry? Our pasts are behind us. Our influences are behind us."
Kiyoshi seems uncertain as he speaks. "...And now it's just us?"
"...Now it's just us," Gakushuu confirms.
'Just us,' he thinks 'Beautiful, even built on the wreckage of some truly horrible things.'
He doesn't say that out loud. Still… he concludes it's a pretty nice thought.
"For the record I'm not forcing you to do anything," he continues. "If you simply don't feel passionate about the topic or you think long and hard but still aren't comfortable with it no-one is going to push you. But before you make any rash decisions all I ask is that you give yourself time. You're too young to be crossing things off of your list of possibilities. Especially when…" he pauses. "Especially when it's something you could do a lot of good with."
Kiyoshi nods, but doesn't respond. Instead… he stares across the room, seemingly deep in thought.
"Besides. It's not exactly like it'd be continuing Yanagisawa's legacy," Gakushuu says. "That man had a track record of causing harm for the sake of causing harm. Something tells me he'd be infuriated to learn you were using his studies to help people."
Kiyoshi cocks his head slightly… crinkles his nose.
"I thought you just told me not to live my life out of spite," he says.
"Of course," Gakushuu confirms. "But… if you find something you genuinely love that also happens to piss off the people you hate… well…" he smirks. "That's just a bonus."
"I most certainly didn't give up my powerful megacorporation just to piss off my father… not when it's my life's work. But using that megacorporation to… say… donate billions of yen to kids with learning difficulties? Something tells me he wouldn't exactly be delighted with that usage of power."
Despite himself, Kiyoshi snorts.
"...Yeah. I bet that really pisses him off."
"Damn right it does. Now just imagine what you could do with that power." He pauses. "...Er- obviously focus on the 'helping people and doing what you love thing,' moreso, though. Sorry. I still tend to get a little bit draconian sometimes."
"...Eh," Kiyoshi says. "...It's still pretty good advice."
"Indeed," Gakushuu says. "See? It's up to you to decide how to use the way you've been raised... how to use the kind of person you've become and the skillsets you carry. You can't change yourself entirely… not at your core, but you can change what you do with the person you are. That is entirely... entirely up to you."
Subtly, Kiyoshi smiles, too. He wipes at his eyes slightly, saying "...Thanks, Asano-san. That was actually really helpful. You were the right guy to open up about all of this to."
"Of course," Gakushuu replies. "I understand what you're going through. Every single day I wake up scared I'm becoming a little bit more like my father. Every day I look in the mirror and wonder. But despite all that I've decided to live the life I want to anyways. I don't want to deprive myself."
"...I'm glad you have," Kiyoshi says. "...Followed your dreams, I mean. And… uh… if it means anything… I know I haven't really met the guy, but…" Kiyoshi's quiet for a long minute. "...You don't remind me of your dad at all, actually. You're a really nice guy, Asano-san."
Gakushuu… pauses. Admittedly, he's taken aback. Reassurance isn't what he'd been looking for there… he'd simply been seeking a means to relate. All the same… he finds himself blinking back tears. Because that's always…
...That's always a really nice thing to hear.
"Perfect," he says, trying not to sound as touched as he is. "Because you don't remind me of Yanagisawa either. Scientist or not."
Kiyoshi gives him this relieved look- goofy, almost, and completely touched. He must not want to dwindle on that vulnerability too long however, because he soon laughs and says "You say that like you knew the guy at all."
"Okay. So maybe I don't have a control group to compare you to, but-"
"You're not even using the scientific method either! Hypocrite!"
Gakushuu sighs. "That I'll admit. Nevertheless I think I've heard enough from my End Class compatriots to make a pretty fair assumption. Last I'd checked you don't, like, eat babies."
Kiyoshi sputters. "Yanagisawa what!?"
"HYPERBOLE," Gakushuu quickly clarifies. "THAT WAS. HYPERBOLE. PLEASE DO NOT HAVE A PANIC ATTACK OVER ALLEGEDLY EATING BABIES."
"Okay," Kiyoshi replies, letting out a shaky sigh of relief. "I mean I didn't think I ate babies, but also… you never know with that guy."
"Indeed. Some people are… how do you say this?" Gakushuu pauses. "Absolutely fucking bonkers. Some people are absolutely fucking bonkers."
"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "That sounds about right."
"But you are not among them. I don't want you to ever forget that. Just keep our discussion in mind, alright?"
"Of… course," Kiyoshi says, posture relaxing. "I mean… I still don't know what I'm gonna do about the whole science thing… I still think I have a few people to talk to, but…" he smiles. "I think you're right. I like my eyes. They remind me of where I came from. And that is not Yanagisawa."
"Right," Gakushuu says. "I think you're finally starting to get it. Now I believe that's all I had to talk about. Would you like to return to your little game with Akabane?"
Kiyoshi pales. "...Not exactly."
"Very well then," Gakushuu says, standing… before reaching out for a throw pillow and taking it in his hands.
"How about we both return to your game. I'm not usually one for nonsense, but I believe Akabane needs to be put in his place. Want to take him down, one 'bad person' by another?"
Kiyoshi stands. "Well…" he admits. "I guess that could be a little fun. Turns out you've still got a little delinquent in you after all, don't you, Asano-san?"
Gakushuu's face goes red.
"Now I'm not sure I'd call it that," he admits "But… I suppose I did say we're all made up of little pieces of our past." He brandishes his throw pillow. "Let's get in there and show him what we can do."
Finally, Kiyoshi smiles. And Gakushuu smiles, too. Because… he actually thinks he might have gotten a lot more out of that conversation than he first anticipated.
That, and an opportunity to hit his husband with a throw pillow, which is… y'know. Always a plus.
Life is good.
Kiyoshi gets home a little past five.
His dad greets him in the doorway and gives him a hug. He pats Taro on the head and heads upstairs, dog in tow. He messes around with his Nintendo Verse for a little bit, Taro by his side, but his mind seems to wander. He's still in a good mood from his conversation and subsequent battle with Gakushuu, but it's given him a lot to think about, too.
He hadn't expected someone like Gakushuu to come forward to him like that, but it turns out he'd actually had a lot of useful insight. In light of his mom coming home in a few days, Kiyoshi really does try to have to be the best person he possibly can, doesn't he?
...He really, really wants to greet her with a son whose future looks bright.
Before he even knows what he's doing he's standing. He tosses the Verse to the side and hops off the bed. He hesitates… before shuffling over to the closet. Opens the door and brushes past years old mementos… clothes now too small, and a diary he'd tossed aside in fear of it being read. Hidden behind boxes of schoolwork and Christmas presents he hasn't touched in months, however, is what he's really looking for.
He lugs it into his arms and carries it carefully… waddling, out of the closet. Clears off his desk and places it down gingerly, before stepping back and giving it a bittersweet look.
With that, he returns to his Verse. He's not ready to touch it. Not yet. He still has a thing or two to clear up. But for Kiyoshi Karasuma he thinks being able to look at his chemistry set at all is a pretty big step.
If he's become a new man, he supposes that means he's got nothing left to hide.
"...You think she'll like it?"
"Seriously?" Kiyoshi asks, shifting in his seat. "Of course she'll like it."
He says it awfully confident, but as he stares at the doorway he feels surprisingly anxious, too.
There are a lot of unbelievable things that have happened to him over these past few months, but somehow out of all of them Mom finally coming home feels like the most unreal of all.
It's not that he's not excited. He… like… totally is. But he thinks he just can't wait another moment for her to step in through that doorway.
Er…- ...well…-
Something close.
Initially the doctors had planned to keep her longer… but her recovery's actually gone pretty smoothly. That, coupled with her constant bitching, they decided to just send her home. She still has a long way to go… physical therapy to deal with and a lot of bed rest to catch up on, but all of that stuff she can do with her family. They initially raised the idea of sending her home last week, and as her condition continued to improve they okayed it this Saturday.
Now it's Sunday. And any minute now she'll make her return.
Originally the plan was for Dad to pick her up at the airport, but the Ministry had insisted there was no need for that… that they'd transport her to their home. It's the least they could do for Dad in light of what happened. He'd thanked them vigorously, but nevertheless he seems on edge now, almost as if regretting his decision.
Kiyoshi wonders if he's thinking 'if I'd just picked her up myself I'd have met up with her by now.'
He can't blame Dad. He just wants to see Mom again too already. But it's not like Dad hasn't been working his ass off with the spare time. He's spent the past week hastily getting stuff installed to make it easier for her to get around while she gets used to the prosthetics. Up until a good hour ago he was still working on perfecting things.
"Do you think I'm forgetting anything?" he'd kept asking and asking, looking over his shoulder and back towards Kiyoshi. "I'd hate to leave anything that would inconvenience her."
"I dunno," Kiyoshi'd replied, glancing at handrails and stair ramps. "It seems pretty good to me. Not that it matters much. She's probably gonna make you carry her everywhere anyways."
Dad had let out a heavy, annoyed sigh. Nevertheless he'd kept working away, if only to greet her with a surprise.
Now he looks much less crotchety. Instead… fiddling with his tie and glancing towards the doorway Kiyoshi notes that his father much more resembles a shy grade-schooler than his usual collected self. It's admittedly strange to see him that way, but he can't blame him. Dad's missed Mom just as much as he has. And besides…
...Kiyoshi glances at Dad's lap.
Dad's trying something that he doesn't usually do, to boot.
The minutes pass slowly… the two of them lying in wait. Kiyoshi listens to the clock tick, glancing down towards his hands and wringing them. Dad looks ready to stand… reaching into his pocket for his phone when there's a light knock at the door. Both of them freeze. And as they make eye contact there's the sudden scramble of claws against the wood floor. Taro rushes into the room, furiously barking and whining at the top of his lungs.
Kiyoshi and Dad seem to stand at the same time. Eyes wide… hands shaking, maybe, Dad puts his surprise aside on the side table and instructs, "Can you get him? The last thing I'd want is for him to bowl her over."
"Of… of course-" Kiyoshi replies, hurrying to grab Taro by the collar. He tugs and howls as Dad makes his way over to the doorway, but Kiyoshi doesn't loosen his grip. Instead, he sits there on the floor and listens to Taro let out low, excited whimpers as he tippy-taps at the floor.
'Yeah,' he thinks. 'You missed her too, didn't you?'
Dad's exchanging words at the doorway, but he can't quite make out what he's saying. Not when Taro's so damn loud. He thinks he can make out a flash of blonde, but it's hard to tell with Dad's back blocking the view. More than anything he just wants to rush over there... but Mom doesn't exactly need him bowling her over, either.
"Shh. Shhh," He insists, stroking Taro. "I wanna hear."
Slowly… Dad nods. Says 'Thank you' to someone and gives a firm handshake. Then… stepping aside, he finally makes way for the one… the only…
Mom.
She looks tired. There's a scar on her cheek and another over her nose where she was struck by shrapnel. All the same, she seems to glow somehow. And as the government agent who'd escorted her turns to leave… as she wheels into the room and as Dad reaches out to take her hand Kiyoshi feels tears well in his eyes.
Slowly… Dad helps her to her feet. They meander awkwardly over to the couch, and he eases her into sitting down with a choked-up expression on his usually blank face.
It's about then that Taro breaks free of Kiyoshi's grip. Watching the two of them his hand goes slack. But as Taro makes a mad dash across the room Dad catches him with ease, and before Kiyoshi even knows what he's doing he's running after.
"MOM!"
He barrels into her. Launching himself onto the couch he wraps his arms around her shoulders and buries his face in her chest.
At first she stiffens… makes some snide comment about this being 'some way to treat a maimed lady...' but as Kiyoshi begins to cry into her shirt and as Taro fights viciously in an attempt to break away from Dad she lets out a tiny laugh and finally says, "I missed you too."
Kiyoshi's words come out in an incomprehensible stream. He tells her about how he thought he'd never see her again and he tells her about how distraught he'd been when he heard the news. Sobbing… hiccupping and wiping his face on her shirt he tells her about the grief… about the trauma and about the overwhelming fear. But undaunted she places a careful hand on his head and reassures him, "Your mom's okay now."
"Don't worry. Your mom's okay."
He feels disgusting, almost... sniveling on her. All the same, he can't pull away. He clings to her desperately… his whole body shaking as he speaks.
"I'm just so happy…-"
If she's annoyed Mom most certainly doesn't voice it. Instead she simply sits there… running her fingers through his hair and soaking in the attention.
"You… most certainly gave us a scare," Dad admits, a certain awkward nervousness to his tone. He pets Taro absentmindedly… glancing up towards Mom… then towards her prosthetics… then away again. "For a moment we had thought that… well…-" he drifts off. "That we had really lost you."
Mom looks ready to make a joke at first… say something about how her pussy is 'simply too popping' for that, but she must note the deadly serious expression on Dad's face, because she simply relaxes and says "...Nah. Not that easily."
She reaches out to take his hand.
"...You'd have to try a lot harder to take me away from you guys."
Dad's expression is indecipherable. Abruptly, he stands. Mom starts to frown, but that's when Dad reaches over to the table and grabs something. Awkwardly, he admits "I… got you something."
And slowly… he begins to draw it out from behind his back.
"I… know this is not particularly like me. I am not usually the kind of person for this sort of thing. But I ended up receiving an… important reminder while you were gone. And so even if I think this sort of thing is shallow… I'd like to show I care. I'm sorry I couldn't win these ones in battle."
...A bouquet of roses. Carefully wrapped and a vibrant red.
Mom stares in utter disbelief. Dad continues on, however, an awkward practisedness to his words.
"I… scorned these kinds of gestures years ago. And to some extent I still do. But I am… honestly not good at expressing these things in words. I am not good at saying I care. But… I do care. And I want you to know that. I hope this is enough to prove that to you. For… perhaps even if I did not win these in a fight, admitting this is winning a battle in and of itself for me. I love you. I'm sorry if I didn't say that enough before."
His voice starts to quiver as he speaks. And after a moment of resistance… blinking fast… a tear trails down his cheek. "It's not that it did not matter to me. I suppose I just got so used to the status quo that I did not realize what I had until I almost lost it. I hope you can forgive me. I will do better in the future."
Slowly… Mom starts to stand. She motions Kiyoshi off of her lap and gets to her feet. Dad holds a hand out: warning her to be careful. But slowly she shakes her head.
"Oh Tadaomi…" she says. "You think I don't know that?"
She wraps her arms around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder.
"How dense can you be? I'm not quite as thick-headed as you are. Of course I know that. You don't have anything to apologize for. That said… however…" she reaches out to take the flowers from his hand. "I'll gladly take these. It's about damn time."
She smiles… giving him a kiss on the lips before returning to her seat. She cradles her bouquet proudly.
Dad follows after, face uncharacteristically bright red. Kiyoshi gives him a nod of acknowledgment as he sits down. He doesn't say anything… he wouldn't dare, but he hopes a pat on the shoulder is enough to say 'you did a pretty good job.'
Dad doesn't stop crying. Then again… none of them do, really. Taro reaches up to reach his face, licking away his tears. Where Dad would usually pet him absentmindedly… murmur 'good dog...' he gently pushes Taro aside, instead, and turns to face his wife.
"I… promise to be there for you throughout your recovery. Whatever you need… I'm here."
Mom thinks that over for a long minute… grinning.
"You'll run back and forth bringing me everything I want while I'm stuck in bed?"
"Of course. It's the least I can do."
"And you'll carry me everywhere because a wheelchair is inconvenient and I'd much rather be touted around by you sexy and shirtless?"
"If that's really what you believe you need."
"And you'll have hot and sweaty sex with me every time I make progress because physical therapy is just so much and I need a reward?"
Dad's lip twitches. Mom bats her eyelashes and leans in close.
"God damn it, Irina," Dad says, that familiar disbelief finally returning to his tone. "Are you looking to tear a stitch? No I am not participating in that."
"Okay. Okay," Mom says, smirking. "There's the Tadaomi I know. I was starting to believe Kiyoshi had replaced you with a body double."
"N… no," Dad says. "...Of course not. He and I just…" he glances Kiyoshi's way. "...Discussed a few things. It was enlightening. Even so-" he awkwardly brushes off his suit. "I am still not 'rawing' you. There are health concerns to take care of first."
"Oooookay… fine," Mom replies. "Just as long as we get around to it eventually. And anyways… while you're blue balling me I think this sort of newfound attention might just be enough to hold me over."
Dad seems to pale as he realizes what he's gotten himself into. But soon enough his expression relaxes.
'Yeah,' Kiyoshi thinks. 'If getting your wife flowers and telling her you love her once in a while is all you have to do, that's really not that bad.'
Dad stands once more.
"There are… er… some things I'd like to show you. Would you like to come with or would you prefer I carry you?"
"I'm not that helpless," Mom insists, following. "Listen. You aren't to be taking pity on me. You only carry me when I ask you to. Then it's in a fun and sexy way."
"Very well," Dad replies. "That's what I thought."
Still… he takes her hand as they walk. And if she feels 'pitied' she most certainly doesn't voice it. Instead, looking somewhat like an enamored schoolgirl she marches after him with a skip to her step.
There's this slight awkwardness to her gait. It's more than evident she's still getting used to her prosthetics. Kiyoshi sends them a slight glance as he follows after but soon averts his gaze. He feels guilty somehow. He's not supposed to stare, is he?
"Oh my God. You two are so bad at this." Mom grinds to a halt before whipping around to face Kiyoshi. "Stop with the whole red-light green-light nonsense, will you? You can fucking look at them."
Kiyoshi's face flushes bright red… as does Dad's (Had he been pulling off the same apprehensive trick!?) Kiyoshi opens his mouth to apologize, but not before Mom kicks her leg in the air.
"Woah. Woah. Woah," Dad says, hurrying to take her shoulders. "Don't knock yourself over."
"Eat it in," Mom says. "Seriously. I meant it. I don't need you to pity me. Get a look if you really want to. I'm not going to get offended. Just don't get too disappointed, alright? These are the temporary ones , and I know they're ugly as hell. I'm going to get some of the cool and sexy ones with knives embedded in them as soon as I can. But for now I just need these to not fall on my ass. That's all."
Well now as weird as he feels looking Kiyoshi would feel even weirder not looking. His eyes drift towards Mom's leg. Admittedly she's right in saying these look… very temporary, but the longer he looks it's not actually that weird at all.
'That's right,' he reminds himself. '...Why would it be weird to acknowledge them? It's not like they're her injury. They're what's helping her get around despite that. They're a good thing.'
"They're not ugly," Dad starts to say, but Mom interjects.
"Uh… yes? They are? Look at this cheap plasticy shit." She tsks, pointing at her leg. "I'm not going to go around being like 'boohoo poor me!,' but at least let me bitch until I never have to look at these things again. They're trash."
"Very… well then," Dad says. "I just don't want you to go getting a complex. Now put your leg down, will you? You're going to fall over."
Mom complains, but complies nevertheless. Murmuring something about how Dad 'never wants to look at her thighs,' she lowers her leg and continues shuffling after. Her nose wrinkles as she seems to think his words over.
"I'm not going to get a complex, by the way," she reassures. "This sucks. Like… really sucks, but I still know I'm hot shit. It's not like the landmine blew my tits off." She snorts. "Besides… I think I'm mostly just thankful to be alive. For a second there I really thought I was a goner."
She frowns. Kiyoshi frowns, too. He steps slightly closer to her… sticks by her side. He hates thinking about how scared she must have been.
"When I first woke up they could have told me I lost my whole lower half and I'd still probably have been happy. I didn't wanna leave the two of you alone." She must notice how dour the atmosphere has become, because she quickly returns to her usual goofy self. "...I knew the two of you would be helpless without me."
Dad nods, this contemplative frown on his face. He squeezes Mom's hand ever tighter.
"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "I'm… really glad you're okay. And Dad is, too."
Mom's still proudly cradling her bouquet of flowers. "You don't need to say that twice," she agrees. "But… yeah. So am I. I wouldn't have wanted to leave my son without a mother." She pauses. "...I know how much it sucks to grow up without a family."
...A depressing thought. They don't get much time to dwell on it, however. Because as they arrive in the stairwell, Mom's jaw just about drops.
"Hot DAMN!"
They'd already had a pretty large set of stairs. Now, however, the whole thing's been revamped. While the right hand side remains mostly the same... just with a new, easier to grip handrail, the left side's been remodeled entirely; now sporting a ramp with more than enough room for her wheelchair.
"For while you're still getting used to your prosthetics," Dad says. "...That, or for when you just don't feel like putting them on." He shuffles slightly. "...What do you think?"
"What do I think? What do I think!?" Mom asks. "What I think is that I really wish I could have seen you working on this thing! Holy hell! All sweaty and buff…-"
"I did not make this," Dad says, desperate to shoot down whatever weird fantasy she's engrossed in now. "I hired people who knew what they were doing. The last thing I needed was you falling through the floor."
"Well… shucks," Mom retorts snidely. "Though… I suppose it's not too late for me to see a show of your impossible manliness."
"Oh God," Dad starts to whisper. "What is it now?"
"Since I'm I'm so helpless and weighed down by complexes… snipped like a wounded baby bird..." She leans on Dad "...I was wondering if you, my loving and supportive husband, could perhaps carry me up these impossibly steep stairs. Lord knows I couldn't do it with my debilitating condi-"
Dad doesn't give her a chance to finish. Instead, silently, he sweeps her into his arms without so much as a complaint.
"Christ!" Mom exclaims. "I didn't expect you to actually do it!"
"Would you prefer I drop you?" He says, straight-faced.
"Of course not!" Mom replies, soon relaxing. "This... actually sort of rules."
Dad doesn't bother to tell her he could have just grabbed her wheelchair from the other room and let her go up the ramp herself. He'd probably never have heard the end of it. And besides…
...Something tells Kiyoshi Dad's just thankful to get to hold Mom at all.
She lounges in his embrace. Staring up at him with a lovestruck expression as he makes his way up the stairs, she smiles and murmurs "...Holy fuck, I love you."
"I know," Dad says blankly, before smiling back. "And… I love you too."
As he places her down carefully at the top of the stairwell he also places a kiss on her forehead. Deciding not to comment on that, however, he instead says "Okay. It's time to walk again now, I believe."
Mom grins the whole way to the bedroom.
Usually Kiyoshi would be embarrassed to see them acting so lovey-dovey. His mom's brand of affection is… more than uncomfortable, and it's downright unsettling to see his dad act like anything but a well-oiled machine… but just this once he thinks it's okay. They're happy to see each other. And when he really, really thinks about it…
...He hasn't actually gotten to see his family like this a whole lot before.
Finally, Mom is able to lie down. Flopping backwards onto the bed she stretches and says, "Well… welcome to your home for the next six months, amiright, Irina?"
"Don't say that," Dad insists, sitting down next to her. "The doctor said you should be ready for your permanent prosthetics within the next three months, and I have a feeling you won't exactly allow physical therapy to be a long process."
"I know," Mom says, sighing. "But I'm still gonna be bored out of my mind in the meantime. Do you know how bland this place is?"
"We'll keep you company," Dad reassures.
"Yeah!" Kiyoshi agrees, giving a firm nod. He knows just how lonely it is to spend your days staring at the ceiling… drifting in and out of sleep. He won't let his mom go through that. "...We'll be there for you. I promise. So don't worry."
A cold nose brushes past his arm as the dog puts his feet up on the bed.
"Taro, too."
"Great," Mom retorts as the dog jumps up next to her. "My best friend." Nevertheless… she pets him, too. "I guess he can stay if he really wants to, dumb bastard… but I better not see the other two of you slack off. You have a job to worry about, Tadaomi. And you have grades to focus on, young man."
Kiyoshi snorts. "Since when have you cared about my grades?" he asks.
Mom gives a lazy shrug. "Okay, so I don't, really, but I'd still hate to distract you. You've probably been struggling in school enough worrying about me and all."
"That's not your fault," Kiyoshi replies. "...Don't worry about it. Besides… something tells me I'm going to worry either way." He gives her a sheepish look. "You know how I am."
"A bundle of unbridled, anxious energy?"
"Yeah," Kiyoshi says. "That."
"As for me," Dad states. "There is no need to worry. I don't intend to 'slack off.' That said… however," he pauses. "You do come as first priority at the moment. I treasure my work… I would never neglect it, but I treasure you, too… and the ministry will understand our family is taking time to recover. While I will still be working, I fully intend to take a break from missions overseas for the time being… if not permanently." He pauses… glances Kiyoshi's way. "...We've experienced enough danger for one year… and I'd hate to leave you two alone. I will be here, at the very least, until you recover."
Kiyoshi feels a weight lift from his chest. He knows he can't trust that 'permanently,' not yet… but at the very least it's an option. At the very least his family might never be put in danger like this again. And even if it does end up in harm's way again one day… at the very least…
...His dad is finally willing to look at how he feels.
Mom, on the other hand purses her lip. She furrows her brows and lets out a skeptical snort.
"I hope you're not doing that just to make me feel better, Tadaomi."
"Pardon?"
"You know I'm frustrated about losing my job. But the last thing the ministry needs is-"
"No such thing," Dad reassures. "I'm well aware I'm needed, and even moreso aware you are not in need of condolences. Like I said: I still intend to work. I'd just hate for there to be an emergency while I was away. Until our future looks more certain I'm content tackling these matters from the home base."
"Mmm," Mom admits, lounging back. "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm just tense. Like I said… I'm frustrated." She pauses… cranes her neck. "Can you grab me a pillow? My back's hurting like a bitch."
"There is no need to apologize," Dad insists, reaching over to grab a pillow. "I'd be tense, too, in your situation. It's not as if I don't get it."
Carefully, he hands the pillow to Mom. She props it up behind her, stacking it up on top of the pillow she'd already been laying on. She shifts slightly… scoots away, then back again.
"It just… fucking sucks," she admits. "This is seriously the end for me. You might be content working from home… plugging numbers and organizing missions but I just am not that sort of lady. I don't do sitting back. I'm proactive. I put myself out there!" She drifts off. "At least… I did."
She shakes her head. "And I know it doesn't really matter," she rambles on. "I'm sure there are plenty of other jobs out there where I can, like, stab a guy or get punched in the face… and something like this was bound to happen sooner or later with the way I lived my life… but working for the Ministry I felt like I was finally putting some good into the world, you know? I spent the first two decades of my life hurting people and that was my chance to make it up to the world. Now that I… can't… now that they don't want me… does that mean I just can't? Does that mean I did all the amending I could? It doesn't feel like enough."
She's rattling off more than anything, but all the same there's a genuine sense of irritation to her voice. She grits her teeth and sighs… glances their way, as if looking for an answer.
Dad's got this sort of helpless, melancholy look in his face. Kiyoshi knows he blames himself. That he's thinking 'is there something I could have done differently?' and 'is there a way I could have sent someone else on this mission?' He's the one who offered Mom her job in the first place! He's the one who reached out a hand to pull her from the darkness… tell her 'it's not too late for you.' But was that really a vessel for redemption, or simply a way to coax her into a world where she could live without fear?
Now that she's fully engrossed in that world, does she even need it?
Kiyoshi'd hate to underestimate what her job meant to her. To both of them! It's more than clear Mom and Dad treasured what she did. But thinking about that as the only possibility… the only way for her to live a guilt-free life… well… he just doesn't like it. He wants to think that… that…-
"Maybe… what you did is already enough."
Both pairs of eyes flicker towards him. Their confusion is just about palpable, but he continues on anyways.
"...I mean… you helped a lot of people during your time in the Ministry. And while it really sucks that you can't do that anymore you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life making up for your mistakes in the first place. Worrying over and over again… 'have I done enough?' 'Was that the only way out for me?' That's not gonna help anyone… that's just gonna make you feel really sick. All you should do is keep trying to be good in the future, even if it's in a different way, or not some grand, world-changing gesture."
"Because... you've already more than redeemed yourself for what you did. At least… in me and Dad's eyes. And if that doesn't feel like enough for you then you should just keep being kind... worry about finding a new thing you like instead of a new way to 'fix things.' Even if you don't think it's important as your work for the Ministry, I'm sure you'll still be helping people… even just a little. And that's redeeming yourself, isn't it? Maybe not in everyone's eyes… and maybe not in the grand scheme of things, but at least in your own heart. And that's what matters. If you walk in circles around it for the rest of your life desperately overthinking it and trying to do 'enough' then you'll never really feel like you are. Instead you should just… uh… take other peoples' words for it. And know that… being yourself… being kinder than you were before is already enough. That anything else you accomplish is just a bonus."
Suddenly… his mouth feels dry. Mom's looking at him inquisitively and it suddenly dawns on him that he'd gone on somewhat of a rant. He hadn't meant to project… but he means it! He really does! He thinks his mom is good… and he doesn't think she has to live her life in a certain way just to prove that. She just… she just…-
"I dunno," he says. "That probably sounds stupid. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately and I figured that - I guess I figured that you can still put so much good into the world even if it's not in one predetermined role decided for you. Does that make any sense? Or am I just…?" He drifts off. "Whatever. You're right. It's dumb."
...His lip quivers slightly.
"It's not dumb," Dad speaks up. "...Kiyoshi's right. There are still plenty of ways for you to help people, and plenty of ways you help us every day. I'm well aware this sounds hypocritical coming from me… but… don't overthink it." He's silent for a long moment. "...You've got time to figure it out."
Mom blinks. Looking rather touched, she reaches out to ruffle Kiyoshi's hair. "Well if Tadaomi's right about one thing it's that it's not dumb. When did you become such a philosopher, kiddo?"
Kiyoshi gives her a sheepish grin. "I guess I've just… had a lot to think about while you were gone."
Mom doesn't know the half of it.
"But as sweet as the thought is I don't exactly know what it is I love. Don't worry... I'll try not to beat myself up too much for the things I can't fix now or the fact that I can't fix them in the same way... but I don't really have 'a new thing I like' in the first place. My hobbies consist pretty much entirely of seducing-slash-stabbing people to obtain classified information… which is off the table now, and like… pole dancing, which something tells me your father wouldn't exactly approve of."
"Absolutely fucking not," Dad says, almost on cue.
"I know… I know. I'm just fuckin' with ya," Mom retorts. "My body belongs only to one man."
She starts to drape herself across him.
Kiyoshi raises a finger.
"Let's not."
Mom retreats pretty much instantly, looking like a dog with its tail between its legs.
"Right," she says. "Sorry. It's just been way too long since I've teased him." She shoots Dad one more sultry look before turning fully Kiyoshi's way. "...But… you're right. Even if I don't have much of a backup plan right now I guess I shouldn't worry too much about 'redeeming' myself. Finding something else I want to do is going to be stressful enough as is. And anyways..." she smiles. "I like your ideas. 'Dumb' or not."
Kiyoshi averts his gaze, but smiles nevertheless. He scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck.
"Yeah," he says. "I mean it's a concept that I'm not entirely su- I'm still workshopping it a little, but…" He pauses. "...It's a lot nicer to think about earning a second chance through kindness than it is to earn one through suffering. And if you're being kind to yourself, then..." he pauses. "...Well, at the very least you'll probably make the people you love happy, too."
There's an uncertainty to his voice. But slowly… he looks around the room at his family… at Tadaomi Karasuma… who can't express his emotions... who's made so many mistakes as a husband and father… at Irina Jelavic, who killed at one point for a living… and Kiyoshi feels his chest relax. Even if he's still having trouble trying to believe that for himself, he's certain of one thing.
...They really are a family of second chances.
Abruptly, he reaches out to hug his mother. She doesn't complain... simply runs her fingers through his hair and thanks him for trying to make her feel better.
"Even if I don't have any idea what I'm going to do now, I'll… try my best to make sure it's something I enjoy just as much as I enjoyed working at the Ministry. And while I'm still trying to get that figured out at the very least I'll have you two as my pep squad."
Kiyoshi snorts slightly… his breathing finally returning to its usual pace.
"Dad?" he asks. "Seriously? As a member of your pep squad? It really has been too long since you've seen him."
"Hey! He's not entirely a lost cause," Mom replies. "I mean… look at what he got me." She proudly holds up her bouquet of flowers. "Get me one of these babies every day and I'll be on fucking cloud nine. Besides..." she snickers. "Even if he isn't exactly cut out for the job, I'd still love to see him in some of those ass shorts that cheerleaders wear."
"Absolutely not-" Dad starts to say, but Mom's head is already on his shoulder and he must know better than to complain. Instead… falling silent... he rests his head against hers.
They look so peaceful sitting there. And gradually… things return to silence. Kiyoshi's still thinking, however… about the future and about all the things they just discussed.
"...Hey," he says. "...While we're talking over dumb ideas, can I bring up one more, actually?"
"Your father in ass shorts is no way a dumb idea," Mom quickly responds. "But… yes. Go right ahead."
"So… uh… Dad… remember how we briefly discussed me talking to someone?" He gulps. "About… uh… my anxiety and everything?"
"Yes?" Dad says. "Do you think you're finally ready for therapy?"
"Well… sort of," Kiyoshi says. "I was sort of wondering… and this is probably gonna sound really ridiculous… you don't gotta do it if you don't want to, but…" He averts his gaze. "...Could we do it together, actually?"
There's a long moment of silence as Dad seems to process what he just said.
"...Therapy?"
"I don't - I don't mean! Like! Family therapy or couples therapy or whatever!" Kiyoshi quickly specifies "God forbid! But… like… individual therapy." He bites his lip. "...I know you guys really love each other. And… I know you guys really love me. But that doesn't mean that your lives are easy. And that doesn't mean that… that you don't deserve someone to talk to."
"...Mom… you just went through a really big, scary thing," he continues. "And… you're bound to have a lot of complicated feelings about that. I bet a therapist could help it all seem a lot less confusing… maybe even help you figure out what you want to do next. And as for Dad..." he pauses. "...You told me yourself it's hard to talk about how you feel. Maybe a therapist could help you work on that. It's not that I don't believe you can't do it on your own, but…" he drifts off. "Well…-! Maybe it would make it seem a lot less daunting!"
Kiyoshi falls silent. Mom and Dad exchange a quiet glance, but don't speak. He sighs and releases a shaky breath.
"Like I said… you don't gotta, but… maybe just think it over? For me?"
Mom is the first to speak up. Absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair around her finger she admits "...There are a lot of things I couldn't talk about with a therapist. Not without going to fucking prison that is."
"Well… well… yeah… obviously," Kiyoshi says. "But I'm sure… uh-! Dad could make sure we find someone who won't rat you out. The Ministry didn't, after all… and they knew what you'd done." He drifts off. "And it's… not like you'd have to talk about it right away, anyways. There are… a lot of things I probably couldn't tell a therapist, either."
He averts his gaze. It's almost funny to think that his parents are probably assuming he's just shy about certain things… not that he can't admit to detonating the moon without either going to jail or a fucking psych ward.
"Personally I'm… still really worried about the thought of going," he continues. "I know I really need it... I've struggled a lot these past few months. I've struggled a lot my whole life. But I guess it's hard not to fear the… stigma associated with it? I've… I've always been insecure about my mental issues in comparison to you guys… worried that all my worrying was… like, inconvenient, or a shame to the family. But… if you guys can admit you need help, then… I think I'd feel a lot braver about doing so myself. Because… I look up to you guys."
"You're… you're brave. And cool. And not like me. Or at least… I thought. But maybe we're not so different after all, and I think the more I realize that the better I'll feel about the kind of person I was born as."
Mom and Dad are quiet for another long moment. Slowly… Dad reaches a hand out to place it on his shoulder.
"Kiyoshi," he says firmly. "You are not a shame to the family, and you are not an inconvenience. We have never seen helping you that way. ." He frowns. "It's… perfectly normal to struggle at your age. We anticipated as much when we had you." He squeezes Kiyoshi's shoulder. "That said… this is a very big thing to ask of us. How can you be certain that-?"
"I'm in," Mom interjects.
And. Everyone. Freezes.
"B-bwuh?"
"What?" she says, giving a shrug. "He's more than right. We're fucked up in the head, Tadaomi. Not only did I, like… just combust, but I spent most of my childhood doing things like hiding in the closet with a corpse. If my preteen son can see that's causing issues for me then I'm clearly not repressing that as well as I thought I was. We need to make sure this doesn't happen again. He shouldn't have had to ask this of us."
"At this point the only thing I'm surprised about is that we didn't get help sooner. I feel… pretty much obligated to do this at this point, and if it can help him feel brave enough to get help and not end up the sort of adult we are, then… well…" she shrugs once more. "That's just a bonus."
Dad seems to think it over for a long moment. Silently… he leans over to whisper something in Mom's ear. They mumble back and forth furiously for a minute or two before he leans back away… brow furrowed, and a deeply focused expression on his face.
"Is this… the only way you'll go to therapy?"
"Well… no," Kiyoshi admits. "I don't wanna… like… dangle an ultimatum over your head. I'd hate to force you by making you scared for me. But… I do think it'd be good for me. And I think it'd be good for you, too."
He meets Dad's eyes. Dad breaks eye-contact for just a split-second… gaze flickering towards his hands… but just as soon he reinitiates it. An unreadable... as always, look in those dark crimson eyes he speaks up, quiet:
"...I believe you."
Kiyoshi can hardly believe his ears.
"You are right when you say that… we are more alike than we would seem at first glance. Back when I was your age I was much like you. In many ways… I still am." He shuts his eyes… takes a breath in through his nose. "...I wish I had had someone to talk to back then. And I am… happy I can offer you that opportunity. But if there's any way I can make that easier on you, then I want to… and…" he pauses. "...I want to believe you when you say it is not too late for me."
"I wish to help you be brave. And… I wish to get help. If only because… you believe I still can. I know it must have taken you a lot to ask that of me. But… you make me feel just as brave as I make you feel, and… if you can face the possibility of getting help even despite being scared, then I'd like to think I can, too."
Before Kiyoshi even knows what he's doing he's barreling into Dad's chest. Shaking like a chihuahua he mumbles again and again "Thank you… seriously… thank you."
He knows it's ridiculous… especially as he starts to cry. But it just means so much to hear Dad say that about him. He's spent his entire life looking up to his father… being molded… mended by his values. To think he can mold his father too… to think he can help him feel brave… it…-
...It just makes him even happier to be a part of this family.
He can hardly even remember the rest of the day. It all just seems to go by so fast. They discuss future plans and they discuss how happy they are to see each other again. They pet the dog… they laugh, and for the first time in a long time, Kiyoshi's family doesn't feel distant. Because while things are still uncertain… because while they still have tragedy and hardship to face… they're together. And if things aren't going to go wrong for once as Kiyoshi's grown used to then it seems that…-
...Well, it seems that the Karasumas, the family of second chances, are better than ever before.