Chapter 27 – Love and War

Consciousness seemed like a world that was just out of reach. There were flashes of colors and images I couldn't quite comprehend, but there was also the lull of some sort of music. Soft humming whooshes, like gentle waves rolling onto the shore, which kept time with the quiet thumping of a drum in the distance.

It was all so strange, but a part of me knew it wasn't real. Or perhaps it was real, just not on the level of my tangible understanding.

When the music faded, and the colors that surrounded me darkened to black, I felt a strange heaviness that spread over my entire body. Even my eyelids seemed difficult to open, but somehow, I found just enough strength.

"Bella," I heard someone say my name, but it echoed through my head as I tried to focus and remember what the hell happened.

"Hey baby," I heard him say, so I reflexively turned my head to look at the most beautiful face in the world.

"Edward, what… what happened?" I asked groggily.

"You gave us quite the scare," he said as he held my hand and caressed my head. "You lost so much blood, and we weren't sure…" He let his words trail off as he choked on his emotions.

I was still so confused, and his words only made it worse. Suddenly I felt movement beside me, opposite of Edward, so I looked down and saw Sam there, resting his head by my hand looking strangely worried. He whimpered, so I gave him a pat, but I still felt like there was something I was missing. Something major.

"I thought I heard you talking in here. You're awake just in time," Rose said gently as she breezed into the room carrying what looked like a rolled up yellow blanket.

"Wait…"

Realization hit me hard as everything came back to me all at once. The silence of the room. Edward's horrified face. The grief-stricken set of his shoulders when he looked down at that tiny blue body.

"My baby!" I shouted. He had died, and I wanted to die too. It was too much. I couldn't even fathom it, but thankfully, I didn't have to.

"She is right here," Rose said softly as she brought the yellow blanket over to me.

"She is… she is… here? Did you say she is here?" I asked, still confused.

"She is here, and she is healthy," Rose confirmed while gently handing me the blanket.

The time it took for me to actually look down at the bundle in my arms, I was convinced Rosalie's words were just a cruel figment of my imagination. A nightmare I couldn't wake from. Surely there would be nothing but an empty quilt on my lap, or perhaps it was just one of the puppies. I even had the brief image of a zombie baby flash before my eyes.

How thankfully wrong was I.

"Oh my…"

There were no words to describe how I felt looking at that beautiful chubby pink face for the first time as she looked wide-eyed back at me. Edward's face had always been the most beautiful sight in the world to me, but he was immediately dropped to number two. That little angel in my arms was the most breathtakingly gorgeous thing I had ever seen. So much like her father, but a little sprinkle of me in there too. She was the manifestation of our love, and I had never been so instantly in love before.

"I told you it was going to be a girl, but you didn't listen," Rosalie said with a sweet smirk before patting Edward on the shoulder and leaving the room so we could have some privacy.

"Oh Edward, look at her!" I cried, and he responded by kissing me on the forehead and then kissing our daughter in the same way.

"She is perfect, just like her mommy," he murmured.

"How… how is this even possible?" I asked, so completely and utterly amazed. "She wasn't breathing. The midwives were telling me she was gone. I didn't dream that, did I?"

"No, it was… It was the worst thing I've ever experienced," he said slowly, clearly still traumatized by the memory. "She came out with the cord around her neck. She was blue. I don't think her heart was even beating. I don't know what Rosalie did, but she brought her back. Bella, if she hadn't been here, neither of you would have made it."

I shook my head incredulously. "Thank God for her."

Edward and I both quieted as we marveled over our daughter's sweet little sounds and movements. When she yawned, I nearly melted right under her. It was such a beautiful perfect moment, and I had never been more grateful in my life. The three of us were safe. We made it, and I would never take that for granted.

"How long was I out of it for?" I questioned after she started getting the tiniest bit fussy. She turned her heard towards me and was making little grunting noises as if she was looking for food and knew I was the source.

"A few hours. She was screaming something fierce and it was making the guys out there all nervous, so Rosalie and Siobhan helped her latch onto you while you were unconscious."

"She has already nursed?" I questioned surprised as I looked down at her.

"Yeah, sorry. If they weren't so concerned about the noise and it being dark, we would have tried to hold her off so you could be awake for it."

"No, I'm glad she got to eat. Is she already hungry again?" I asked as I helped her get back into the position that she seemed to want to be in. She definitely knew what she was doing more than I did. Sure enough, she latched right on. It was weird and painful and beautiful all wrapped up together in a surreal little package.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked softly after a minute.

"Amazing," I answered as I played with our daughter's little fingers. "And kind of like I was hit with a freight train," I added honestly.

Edward laughed once. "You're already getting your strength back. The midwives are amazed by your fast recovery. They said most women with your amount of blood loss either die or take a long time to heal. I guess none of them had your strength and determination."

"Or Rosalie's help and persistence," I countered.

"Rosalie is amazing, but she couldn't have saved you if you didn't have the strength and will to survive."

"I think it must have been the right combination of a lot of things," I told him. "But those women were ready to give up on her. It breaks my heart to think of how many babies they gave up on prematurely."

"Yeah, Rosalie is teaching them a few things about infant CPR as we speak. Hopefully, moving forward, they will be able to save more of them."

"I think they will. Ouch!" I yelped from the unexpected sharp pain to my sore nipple.

"Rose said when it starts hurting you should change sides," Edward informed me.

"Oh." I tried to break her mouth free from my skin, but she was latched on hard. "She does not want to let go."

"You just have to…" Edward must have been instructed on what to do, because he used his finger to gently loosen her suction, and before she could cry in protest, we both helped her to my other breast.

"This one hurts too," I whimpered, but did so with a smile on my face. After coming so close to losing her, I was grateful for each and every pain she could give me.

"Yeah, I guess it will take some getting used to. How about we try to get your mind off of it by giving her a name," he suggested.

We had discussed names previously, but nothing ever felt right. We agreed to wait and actually meet our little one before naming her, and that was what we needed to do.

"You've had more time with her. What do you think?" I asked him curiously.

He shrugged. "I do have something in mind, but I really want to hear what you want first."

"I just want it to have meaning. We lost so many people we loved, it's hard to pick just one. Tell me what you're thinking."

"Well, I know this might sound odd, but there is one person that I think affected both of us the most. If it wasn't for him, I'm not sure we would have stayed together that first night the virus mutated."

"My dad?" I asked surprised.

Edward nodded. "Besides being your father, he really was a major presence in my life. He was that strong male role-model that an egocentric naïve teen like me needed. My dad was never around, so I really took to him. He taught me everything we used for survival early on. Hell, even if you and I never got together, I'd probably still want to name my child after him in some way."

I smiled. "Charlie isn't exactly a feminine name."

"No, but Charlotte is."

"Charlotte? Like the princess?"

Edward nodded again. "I always kind of liked that name, and this little girl here will certainly be a little princess to all of us. It fits. Well, I think it fits."

I looked down at our baby as her little eyes began to close with contentment. "Charlotte," I said quietly. "I like it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're right, it suits her."

"Hey sorry," Rosalie said after giving a couple taps at the door and popping her head in. "I just wanted to check to make sure she is feeding okay. Back when I worked at the NICU we weighed them several times a day to keep track of everything. Can I weigh her real quick?"

"Yeah, she seems to be just about done," I said while seeing if she would release her latch easily.

"Aww, she is so sleepy," Rose cooed at her as she took her from me. She brought her over to the scale and then marked down whatever it read in a notebook.

"How heavy is she?" I asked curiously.

"Nine pounds, two ounces, and twenty inches long."

"Is that small for a newborn?" I asked clueless.

She laughed once. "No, she is big, and she is strong for being without oxygen for a while. We always worried about brain damage whenever babies were born blue, but she is really alert and is passing her Apgar with flying colors. I really don't think we have anything more to worry about health-wise. I can't believe those women were just going to let her die. Some midwives."

I trembled at the thought and couldn't help but kiss her head and her hands the moment Rose returned her back to my arms.

"They just didn't know," Edward told her. "They were rubbing her down and trying to get her to breathe, but I don't think they had any knowledge of chest compressions."

"Well, they do now," Rose said with a smile. "So, did you guys pick out a name for this little Princess yet?"

"As a matter of fact, this is Princess Charlotte… except without the princess part."

Rosalie smiled adoringly. "Aw, I love that. Charlotte has always been one of my favorite baby names, and she definitely looks like a Charlotte. What's the rest of it? Are you going with Cullen, or hyphenating Swan-Cullen?"

"No hyphenating, I think we will just stick with Cullen. Charlotte…" I hesitated and then looked at Edward before slowly saying "Charlotte Rose Cullen."

I felt slightly guilt for not discussing her middle name with Edward before announcing it, but he smiled his approval and gave me a nod just as I noticed Rosalie begin to tear up.

"Are you serious?" she asked emotionally.

"We wouldn't have it any other way," Edward told her.

"Oh my gosh, I love it!" she said before hugging Edward and then hugging me and kissing Charlotte on the head. "Thanks guys! This means so much to me."

"We are the ones who need to be thanking you. We wouldn't be here without you," I told her sincerely.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't be here without you," she disagreed.

"How about we all just be happy and thankful," Edward told us with a grin.

"Deal," Rosalie and I both said with a giggle.

I was still fairly exhausted, and Rose assured me that was to be expected, especially since I lost so much blood. I didn't want to miss a moment of my baby's little coos and movements, but I couldn't fight the inevitable and I soon fell back to sleep.

For the next three days, my world didn't stretch beyond that bedroom. I was on Charlotte's schedule of feeding her on demand and sleeping when she slept. Edward was with us most of the time and made sure to do all the diaper changes and help with whatever else he could. If I wasn't already completely in love with him, seeing him with our baby would have done it for sure. He not only read her poetry and hummed lullabies, but the way he looked at her with so much adoration made me feel like I was going to burst out of my seams with love.

I wanted to savor every second of those first days with her, but other than the sweet moments with her daddy, most of it was basically a blur of exhaustion and physical discomfort. By the fourth day of being cooped up in that room, I decided I didn't care how tired I was, I needed to get out.

"Okay, let me help you," Edward said concerned.

"Babe, I'm fine. I've even been managing to use the bathroom all on my own like a big girl," I teased him for his hovering. "I can handle this."

He laughed. "I know you can, but I rather do enjoy helping you, especially to the bathroom," he joked.

I just shook my head at him.

Walking out of that bedroom was like taking a giant breath of fresh air. That room had become too stuffy, and if I wasn't claustrophobic before, I sure as hell was now. With the windows all boarded up, I was desperate to see the sky again, so I held Charlotte in my arms and introduced her to the outside world. Sam unsurprisingly followed us out; he basically hadn't left my side since Charlotte had been born, and rather than run ahead like he always did before, he stuck to my side like a shadow.

"I think his protection of you has extended to our daughter," Edward said with a laugh.

"As it should," I agreed approvingly.

The very first thing I noticed upon stepping into the sunlight was that it stunk. Having some livestock really changed the aroma of the air, but the trade-off was worth it, so I did my best to try to ignore it. The next thing I noticed was that the Amish buggies were gone, and no one was around. I knew they went back to the caves at night, but it was currently in the middle of the day and they weren't there.

"Did the Amish leave?" I asked Edward.

"Yeah, they told me they were going, but they didn't say bye to anyone. I guess that's just their way."

"Aw, I wanted to thank them and kiss the puppies goodbye," I mumbled slightly disappointed.

"Hopefully, we will get the chance to see them again someday," Edward said supportively.

"Oh, hey Bella, you're out," Seth said excitedly as he came from around the back of the house with Wolfe trailing happily behind him. The pup started bugging Sam, so Sam snapped at him to put him in his place. "That's child abuse," Seth said to Sam before redirecting his attention back to me. "Oh, you brought the little peanut out too. How are you liking it out here, Peanut?" he asked her in his baby voice.

"Seth, our daughter isn't a nut," Edward told him evenly.

"Man, with how many jars of peanut butter Bella went through while she was in her stomach, I don't know how she couldn't be at least fifty percent nut at this point," Seth teased.

"Har, har," I replied sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it. When she grows up and we get married, I promise to find her an abundance of peanut butter."

Edward and I both stared at him unamused.

"Oh, come on, it's a joke!" Seth said with frustration.

"It's not funny when that joke is one of the reasons Bella was kidnapped," Edward growled at him.

"Yes, that was a traumatic time for all of us, but can't we just look back on it now and laugh?" Seth asked innocently.

"Laugh," Edward said in a tone that conveyed his imminent explosion. "Laugh? Really? I'll be laughing when I shove your balls into your throat!"

With that, Seth took off running and Edward chased him. They ran all over the yard until Edward caught him, and then they wrestled around on the ground for a while. Charlotte and I quickly lost interest, so we returned to our tour of the outside world.

I showed her the trees and the clouds, and we made our way to the animals. She was too little to focus on any of it, and it wasn't long before she was sound asleep, but I kept pointing stuff out to her regardless.

"Oh, hey Bella, I have something for you," Rose said as she caught up to us, holding what looked like a wrap of some sort.

"What is it?" I asked clueless.

"A baby sling. It wraps around you like this so you can hold her without your arms getting tired," she explained while showing me how to tie it around my body securely.

"Are you sure this is going to hold her?" I asked, having a hard time trusting a piece of fabric with my baby.

"You would feel it if it got loose. She will be right in arms' reach the entire time anyway. That's the beauty of it."

I nodded. "Thanks again, Rose."

That afternoon, Rose, Em, and Seth all went to town for a store run, which I was excited about because it meant Edward and I would have some time to ourselves. What I didn't realize beforehand, was that being new parents, quiet time usually meant sleep time and it wasn't long before all three of us succumbed to an afternoon nap.

By the time we woke up, we were surprised by a living room absolutely stuffed full with baby stuff. Three different kinds of swings, bassinets, a new rocking chair, diapers, baby girl clothes that covered the entire couch, and just about every other thing the store had left of baby items.

"Um… wow," I said, giving Charlotte to Edward so I could check it all out.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist," Rosalie said as she walked through the front door carrying another load of stuff.

"But did she consider where we are going to put all of it?" Emmett asked as he followed her inside with his arms full as well. "Of course not," he added, answering his own question.

"We will figure it out," she said dismissively.

"Well, this is awesome. Thanks guys!" I said graciously.

"I'm glad you like all of it, because we filled the truck and had no room for food," Seth said as he brought in even more stuff.

"Oh, I got you something special," Rose said to me before pulling me to the side and handing me a medium sized box.

"What is it?" I asked curiously as I looked inside. "Um?"

"It's like three years' worth of birth control. I found them in the pharmacy. You're welcome," she said with a wink before going back over to the guys to direct where everything should go.

A big smile crept across my face, and I couldn't wait until I was ready to start taking them. Rose really was the best.

…

For the first three weeks of Charlotte's life, everything seemed perfect. She was such a content little perfect baby that only cried when she was hungry or needed to be changed. Everyone adored her, and I couldn't help but melt when Em and Seth would fight over whose turn it was to hold her. Usually Rose would step in and take her from them as punishment for their arguing around the baby. Their subsequent pouts were absolutely hilarious, but they certainly never learned their lesson.

"Dude, you were holding her earlier today," Seth complained when he wanted his turn and Em refused.

"Shut up, we are having a moment. Isn't that right, angel face? Yes, we are. You just love Uncle Emmett way more than stupid Seth, don't you?"

"That's bullshit! You're trying to turn her against me!" Seth growled at him.

This time Edward decided to step in. "Hey, language!"

"She doesn't understand," Seth said defensively.

"She might."

"It's not fair! Em keeps hogging her," Seth complained.

"You're right, he is a baby hog. Too bad for both of you it's daddy time," Edward said before taking Charlotte out of Emmett's arms.

"Hey!" Em protested. "You were holding her all morning."

"Yeah well, she is sort of my daughter, so…" he replied with a careless shrug.

A few days later, Rosalie treated us with a newborn photoshoot. We had already been taking a million pictures of her, but these were the official ones that Rose said we would hang on the wall. She dressed her in more outfits than I could count, and each one was cuter than the last. Edward and I were in a bunch of them as well, and she even appeased the guys by letting them take pictures with her too.

"Now I want some of her with her Auntie Rose," I told her, taking the camera from her.

It was another wonderful serene day, but I knew better than to take it for granted. We had been extremely lucky to have created a home that was mostly secluded from the destruction and horrors of a world that wanted to kill us, but that world refused to give up its hunt…

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Rose after the third straight hour of Charlotte screaming. She had never been that fussy before, and at less than a month old, I was scared to death of what could be the issue.

"Look how stiff she is," Edward added, just as concerned.

Rose sighed. "I was afraid something like this might happen."

"What?" Edward and I both asked anxiously.

"I mean, she could just have a stomachache, but it could also be colic." She went on to explain that colic wasn't too serious and nothing to be concerned about health-wise. Basically, it was when a baby would just cry for hours every night around the same time, with no explanation. She wasn't hungry, she didn't need to be changed, she was just inconsolable. It was nerve-wracking hearing her screams, but Rose kept assuring us she was okay and not to worry. "Colic is common in infants," she kept telling us. However, unlike with normal newborns in a normal world, Charlotte's screams in the night proved to have extremely dangerous repercussions...

"Did you hear that?" Emmett asked during her fourth evening of screaming.

We had all been taking turns walking her and trying to soothe her cries. For some reason, the sound of the running faucet helped a little, but mostly we had to just wait for her to eventually cry herself to sleep. On that particular night, however, her colic became the least of our concerns.

"Hear what?" Seth asked Em. "All I hear is Charlotte."

"No, I hear it too," Edward said, walking towards the door to try to hear better. Thinking it was just an animal messing around outside, I took Charlotte into the bedroom to hopefully let them figure it out without her screams distracting them, but then panic erupted.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked as he came barreling through the room with a hammer and several wood planks tucked under his arm. "Edward?" I asked again concerned.

"They're coming," he said as he worked. He hammered the wood over the existing planks covering the window, and even without fully comprehending the situation, the urgency in his movements terrified the shit out of me.

"Who is coming?" I asked stupidly. Despite Charlotte screaming in my arms, I could hear the guys hammering in the other parts of the house, but it wasn't until I heard a particular noise outside that I finally understood. "Zombies!" I cried out in fear.

Charlotte's screaming was absolutely nothing compared to the bone-chilling horrifying shrieks of the infected zeroing in on us. I could live for a hundred years and never forget that sound. It tore through my head like a nightmare amplified into life, and I knew we were in serious trouble.

"Did her crying bring them here?" I asked Edward, feeling like I was going to choke on my own terror.

"I don't know. Maybe," he replied as he continued to rush around the room. When he felt our room was secure enough, he led me back into the living room where the guys were pushing furniture against the doors.

Suddenly there was another shriek in the distance, but much closer, and that's when both Sam and Wolfe started barking incessantly.

"Edward, the animals outside!" I reminded him.

Emmett and Edward exchanged looks, but Edward shook his head no. "We aren't going out there right now. We were doing okay before them, and we will do fine without them too."

"Damn, I was really likening the eggs," Seth grumbled.

"Let's try to survive the night and then maybe we can worry about eggs," Emmett told him.

The screams grew closer, and everyone readied their guns except for me. I tried everything to quiet Charlotte down, but she wouldn't stop.

"It doesn't matter now. They know we're here," Edward told me.

Between the baby screams and all the barking, there was no way the others didn't know we were there. The only question we had left was how many were out there and how secure our house was.

There was no mistaking their arrival. I jumped when I heard them crash onto the roof. The banging of the walls sounded like a wrecking ball, and with each blow, the house would shake violently.

"Fuck," Emmett mumbled under his breath. "This place was never designed to withstand something like this."

"Shhh!" Rose hushed him.

I happened to glance over at Seth, and the look of sheer dread plagued his features. He was absolutely trembling while holding his gun, and I worried he would only be a danger to himself and everyone else if he were to have to shoot anything.

"Seth, do me a favor," I said to him gently. "Please take Charlotte. I'm scared I won't be able to protect her if they get in here," I said with a sudden level of calmness that I wasn't expecting.

"I… I…I..." He stuttered through his fear.

"Seth, I need your help. Please," I said as steadily as possible.

I wasn't sure if it was the loud noises, or if her crying episode was finally finished for the evening, but Charlotte thankfully calmed down and took her pacifier. Seth was shaking badly, but I still trusted him enough to hold my daughter. If anything, giving him that responsibility would only help distract him from his own fear.

Suddenly, there was distinctive bang, so I glanced over my shoulder to see a hole torn through the wall. Rose and the guys started shooting, so I turned back to Seth.

"Please?" I asked again. He still didn't really give me an answer, but I was done waiting for one. I placed her in his arms and took his gun from him. I instructed him to hold her tightly, and to back against the wall, which was an interior wall and the furthest from danger. "Seth, I trust you," I told him.

He looked unsure but swallowed his fear enough to nod.

"I'll protect her," he managed to say. Wolfe also raced to his side as extra protection, which made me feel the best I possibly could in that situation.

More holes were being ripped into the walls, so we all spread out and began shooting anything that tried to come through. Rosalie and Emmett were both decent shots, but Edward was far better, and my aim couldn't be matched. Because Edward and I outskilled them, we took the front, and Em and Rose flanked us. The house was a war zone and felt like it was going to crumble around us, but we just kept firing.

"I'm out!' I shouted, so Rose hurried to my side to help cover me while I reloaded. "I got it. Stay at your hole," I told her. I was able to reload swiftly and efficiently, as if it was second nature, and I continued to fire before another one could attack my spot.

My heart was racing the entire time, but Edward had trained me for that. We both knew how to keep our cool amidst an attack, and we were able to make every shot count. After what was probably only ten minutes but felt like an hour, the ambush abruptly stopped.

"Is that it? Are they all dead?" Rose asked as she tried to catch her breath.

We all stilled and waited. We were almost too afraid to breathe as we listened for any more signs of the others lurking. Both dogs quieted, so we could assume we were okay for the moment, but we knew better than to fully relax.

We were on high alert for the rest of the night. I only put down my gun long enough to nurse Charlotte when she needed it, but then I'd hand her right back to Seth and continue to wait.

By morning we were all exhausted, but there would be no rest for us any time soon. We could only assume more would come, so we were forced to spend the daylight hours disposing of the dead littered across our yard, which included all of our livestock, and reinforcing our house the best we could.

That was when I realized there would be no such thing winning the war against the infected. There was only surviving to fight another day, and it absolutely broke my heart that my daughter would have to grow up that way…