April 1876
Souji had been supportive. Too supportive. Haruhi was four or five months pregnant now and she was feeling suffocated by her husband's support. She was happy to have this baby with him and he was happy too, no question in that, but she was feeling the weight of his anxious gaze on her and it was even worse than the weight of her growing belly. Being pregnant was exhausting. She was vomiting on a daily basis, her breath was short, her heart was pounding without reason. She often needed to sit down, exhaused, and she was going to the toilet every five minutes. Part of her wanted to take her wakizashi and open up her abdomen to get the baby out. She wasn't sure about keeping it in four more months. She wanted it to be out already, meet it, know if it was a girl or a boy and she wanted to see if she could love it, like any normal mother. She had doubt on that... She never had a mother and she had a father only after the first nine years of her life. Could someone like her really be a good mother ?
At the dojo, her condition was known, of course. How could she have hidden it with that belly and enormous breasts ? Yet, she wasn't a woman to show weakness and so, she was diligently going everyday, wielding her sword, teaching, getting some exercise. No way this pregnancy could change anything in her life. She wouldn't allow it. When the baby would be there, she'll see. In the meantime, she had a job, a position, and she would keep them.
Souji wasn't really happy about that but since he was out all day anyway, she told him she was making less efforts at the dojo and was careful. It wasn't nice of her, to lie to him, but he would panic if he knew she was still training with the same intensity. Chizuru said exercise wasn't a bad thing so she wasn't worried but Souji... He was terrified that she could loose the baby. He wouldn't say it, maybe because saying it could make it tangible, maybe because he was too proud to admit he was scared, maybe because he was ashamed of his anguish of abandon... Yet, all his actions were showing his wife how scared he was. He asked for an early leave, allowing him to come back home earlier to be with her, he was using his morning patrols to go to the market with her or in her place, not allowing her to carry the basket or anything heavy. When he was in Shirakawa, he was coming back with products they couldn't find in the village's market like very fresh fish, seafood... He wanted her to eat a lot of products from the sea, saying that they really were healthy and could make the baby strong. He also brought so many things... She was only four months pregnant, maybe five, and yet, their house already looked like kids were living in it. Toys everywhere, baby clothes... She used her wedding sleeves to make some, and also those of her yellow furisode, but out of enthusiasm, Souji bought some too, for girls, for boys, different sizes... Haruhi told him it was stupid because they didn't know the sex of the baby yet but Souji was so far in his fantasy that he just didn't care.
« Welcome home. »
Haruhi frowned and put her sandals, bokken and wakizashi down to kiss her husband, grinning genuinely.
« What are you already doing here ? » she asked.
« You're not happy to see me ? » he asked, arms crossed.
« Yeah but... Aren't you supposed to work ? » she asked « you can't just keep quitting just to come here. You're gonna loose your job if you continue. »
« It's fine. » he shrugged « they think I'm on patrol. »
« You're supposed to patrol, Souji. » she sighed « It is your job. You're paid for it. If this child comes and you are jobless and unable to provide for it, what good will it do to it ? »
« I thought you'd be glad that I came home early... » he muttered, pouting « where were you ? »
Haruhi waved towards her wakizashi and bokken, exceded. She loved Souji with all her heart but she would love him even more if he could let her breathe.
« How was it at the dojo ? Are you tired ? Do you need to nap ? » he asked.
« No, I'm fine... I'm gonna get clean. » she said, heading to the bathroom.
« Do you need any help ? Is your belly bothering you already ? »
« Souji, I'm perfectly capable of cleaning myself ! » she replied angrily.
« Okay. » he smiled, oblivious to his wife's growing anger « I'll wait for you with some tea then. Just wait a second, I'm gonna get some water and heat the bath. »
« Okay... » she sighed, knowing that getting into an argument over bath and tea was meaningless « Thank you. »
She sat and Souji headed out. She wondered if maybe, she was going too far. Maybe her husband's behavior shouldn't annoy her that much... Maybe the problem was her. Chizuru-neechan warned her that maybe she could be angrier or sadder than usual. Maybe that was it. Yet, she couldn't help but feel annoyed that Souji was so helpful. It was like he was treating her like a powerless infant. Worse, like a fragile vessel, only carrying his child. She wasn't feeling like a woman anymore in his eyes. Or maybe it was her imagination... Hard to say.
« Here » he said, getting back with full buckets « I'm gonna heat everything. You can already drink the tea if you want, it's ready. »
Haruhi nodded and Souji handed her a cup. The tea inside was somber, almost black, and she sniffed it with disgust.
« Is that... with some kind of seaweed ? » she asked.
« Yeah, amongst other things. It's super healthy. » he nodded « Kondou used to make that kind of tea for me when I was ill. It doesn't taste good but it makes your body stronger. »
« I can't drink this... » she muttered, feeling the trace of nausea only by smelling the beverage « it makes me wanna puke... »
« Drink it. » he ordered « I'm going. »
He disappeared in the bathroom to heat the bath for her. She wished he could just go back to work but he had behaved like that for weeks already. She knew he wouldn't change now. He would probably keep being overprotective like this until the baby crawled out. Then, he would redirect it on his precious child and leave her alone. Or at least, she hoped so.
Haruhi brought the cup to her lips. The liquid was thick. No way that could be only tea... She tasted it and immediately gagged in reflex due to the awful taste. It was the most disgusting thing she ever tried and she would gladly exchange it with an entire bowl of natto if it could make her be allowed to drop this cup.
« It's heating. » said Souji with a smile, already back « How is it ? »
« Terrible... » she whispered.
« It wasn't that bad when Kondou was making it for me. » he protested.
« You had no tastebuds. » she stated « and I'm pregnant, not ill. I'm not gonna drink it. »
« It's to make the baby healthy. » he frowned, pushing the tea in her direction.
« It's healthy. » she stated angrily « I don't need that. »
Souji seemed to hesitate and Haruhi wondered if he could pinch her nose and put the content of the cup in her mouth, forcing her to swallow but in the end, he just took the cup away.
« I'm trying to help. » he muttered.
« Yeah, I know... » she said in a more gentle tone « I know you're supportive and it makes me happy but I just feel tired you know. »
« Then you should nap. » he told her, circling her from behind and resting his hands on her stomach « I love you. I love what you are doing and I love what you're offering me. »
His hands slowly parted the edges of her thin training kimono and he carressed the small mound underneath it.
« We should go to a temple to bless it and ask for a safe delivery. » he stated « you should wear the hara-obi from now on. »
« That will be when it will start moving, not before. »
« I can't wait to feel it move. »
Haruhi wiggled out of her husband's arms and stood up under his interrogative gaze.
« What's the matter ? » he asked.
« Nothing. I'm going to the bathroom. »
Souji nodded absently and stayed at the table with his tea. His was normal, not the awful mixture. She closed the door behind her and sighed.
Please, kami, either make Souji come back to normal or make my anger go away because this is going to escalate...
She took her kimono off and threw some water on herself, happy to get off the sweat of her training at the dojo. She rubbed the soap on her skin everywhere except on her belly. There was something strange with it, or rather with her. She didn't like to touch it, she didn't like that Souji was so drawn to it. It was stupid. The baby wasn't even there yet and she was jealous of it and the limitless love Souji could feel for it already.
Haruhi shook her head and plunged in the bath since she was cleaned. She let the hot water ease her muscles but didn't stay long, feeling the weight of the inaction of staying here. It was heavy on her mind, the inactivity. She feared to be a mother and to become nothing more than that. Not a warrior anymore, not a sensei, even not a wife, but just a mother. Could she really prioritize the well being and happiness of another being above her own ? Damn, being pregnant was so much more than just offering a child to Souji.
She dressed in a yukata fit for the evening in the house since she wouldn't go out again tonight. She didn't desire to go but anyway, even if she wanted to, Souji wouldn't let her, saying that she needed to rest and be calm and docile and eat all sorts of things for the baby to be healthy...
She joined back her husband at the table and was pleased to find another hot tea but this one, perfectly normal. She thanked him genuinely and brought the tea to her lips. That was better. Way better.
« Tsunashi-san ? »
Someone was calling them from the entrance. It was a male's voice, unknown to them and Souji stood up with a sigh.
« I hope it's not work. » he muttered « or war. »
He slid the shoji and Haruhi could see a young man, quite short, maybe a bit shorter than her own father. His light brown hair were long and tied in a bun at the back of his head. He was kind of attractive, for a short man, and very muscular. He was wearing a short kimono, loosened and without sleeves, that was showing his fit arms and legs. It was a bit cold to be dressed like this but the man didn't seem to mind.
« Who are you ? » asked Souji bluntly.
« Mouri Takashi. » he bowed « I went to the Fujita inn but they told me you were Tama's legal tutor. I would like to ask for her hand in marriage. »
« Marriage ? » he repeated, eyes wide « Tama ? »
« Yes, Tsunashi-san. » he bowed again.
« Who are you again ? » asked Souji, frowning.
« Mouri Takashi. »
« I don't care about your fucking name. » growled Souji « who are you ? What do you do for a living ? What makes you think you can ask for Tama's hand ? »
« I'm a farmer, Tsunashi-san. » he bowed respectfully, ignoring Souji's rudeness « I have lands that I cultivate and animals, mostly porks and chicken. It is a wealthy farm. »
« A farm... » repeated Souji « a farmer... »
He pushed the guy off their doorstep and followed out. Haruhi stood up to calm him and Souji unsheathed his katana.
« You've got some nerves, boy ! » he commented angrily « do you really think a farmer is gonna marry Tama ?! Tama ?! A samurai daughter of the most honorable kind ?! Tama isn't marrying any less than a samurai, why not a daimyo ! Her father was a daimyo ! How can you pretend to that ?! »
« Souji... » said a shy voice on the side « I... I wanna marry Takashi... »
Souji turned to Tama with a murder thirsty gaze and said nothing, his sword still threatening the poor man.
« You said yourself to Okaasan that I was a farm girl. My father's title was hollow, he died a farm boy. Not a samurai, neither a daimyo. »
« But Kondou... » tried Souji with a broken voice.
« Otousan is dead, Souji. » she stated, uncomfortable yet resolved « I'm a waitress in an inn and a farm girl. I'm not a samurai daughter. »
« You're legally my daughter. » he protested « that makes you a samurai daughter. »
« Tsunashi-san » said Takashi « I promise she will always be well treated in our farm. »
« A farm... » repeated Souji again, disgusted « what happened to your desire to work at the inn and open a candy shop, Tama ? »
« It's worth it. » she smiled « I love Takashi. Please, Souji. Don't deny me happiness. »
The latter was incredibly conflicted and anyone who knew him well enough could see Kondou's shadow hovering over him, sense its weight on his shoulders. Giving Kondou's daughter to a farm boy... A fucking farm boy...
« He's no samurai. » said Souji « Tama, you have to choose a samurai, for him. »
« But it's Takashi that I love. » she said calmly « I don't want to marry for him, for Okaasan or for you. I wanna marry for me. Please, Souji. A samurai would want me to be intact anyway. »
Souji froze and felt more guilt than ever at the idea that he took Kondou's daughter, robbing her from chances to marry into a prestigious family just like her real father wanted. Out of rage, he swung his sword and made it stop inches from the boy's neck.
« Souji ! » yelled both Haruhi and Tama.
« I can kill you. » he said coldly « in a blink of an eye, just because I want to, and there will not be consequences for me. You treat her wrong and I'm killing you, I'm coming to your farm, I kill everyone in there. »
« Thank you, Tsunashi-san ! » said Takashi, elated « thank you ! I will not disappoint. »
« Thank you, Souji. » bowed Tama with respect.
« Go. » ordered Souji « Go now before I change my mind. »
« Maybe we should discuss about... »
« Go. »
« Mouri-san » said Haruhi « We would be honored to have you home and talk about that matter. Unfortunately, now isn't a good time for us. »
« I understand, Tsunashi-san. » he bowed again with a smile « I will come back at a more adequate time. »
« I'll invite you. » said Haruhi.
Tama and Takashi went away and Souji came back home, visibly disgruntled.
« Shit... a farm boy... » he muttered « how can Tama do this to Kondou... »
« She's in love. » stated Haruhi, stroking her husband's hair to reassure him that he made the adequate choice by allowing that wedding.
« That's not a reason good enough for me. » he pouted.
« It seems like just how you used to complain about my father, you forget quite easily what it's like to be in love. » she chuckled and Souji frowned.
« I don't forget. » he pouted « I still love you. It has nothing to do with that. »
Her husband pushed his head in her palm, asking to be pet and she gladly complied. She was glad his mind was now occupied by something else than the life growing inside her, distracted for a time from his anguish.
« Drink your tea. » she said « it's gonna be cold. »
« Hum... » he muttered angrily.
She kept stroking his hair to reassure him and he eventually raised his lips to capture hers, kissing her tenderly. It was incredibly sweet and she felt her anger quitting her as well. Everything would be all right, as long as Souji would be here with her.