July 1876
In June, the baby started moving. Chizuru said she was in her fifth month and that everything was going well. Haruhi was starting to feel better. The nausea was gone and the tiredness too. In fact, she had never felt that healthy before. She was feeling like she could move mountains if she wanted to. Souji and her went to a temple to bless the hara-obi and ask the kami for a healthy baby and a safe delivery. From then, Souji hadn't made love to her so that he wouldn't be tainted by her corruption. Now that the child had a body, evil spirits could try to get to him and intimacy was out of the question. Chizuru said it was stupid folklore but Haruhi and Souji were believing it and Hajime too, despite having three children with his doctor, progressiste wife.
Haruhi feared Souji could find entertainment with another woman but he reassured her by words, telling her that prostitutes and one night stands weren't really his thing, and by his actions, coming back home as soon as work was finished like before. He was still as caring as before and even suffocating sometimes but she eventually accepted his weirdness, understanding that it was just his worried mind at work and that there was no way to ease it. Now that she was feeling better anyway, she could accept more easily his incessant attentions, they weren't as annoying as a few months ago.
The only point of discord left was her job. Now six months pregnant, it was getting very hard and even if she didn't want to, she had to make less efforts and let her students practice alone, just correcting their posture when there were very big mistakes. Ayame had started to come to the dojo too but she wasn't having him as a student. He was with the beginners, very young boys while she had the more advanced ones and the girls. Souji was repeating her everyday that she should quit and she was assuring him that she was careful. She didn't want to be assigned home and not move from there, only cleaning and cooking, sleeping and waiting for her husband to come home... making him a nice cup of tea... and repeat, every fucking day. She still had three months before the birth. She wouldn't spend them in the house. The months of July and August were agreeable. Aizu summers, no the Fukushima prefecture, were a lot more agreeable than Kyoto and Tokyo ones. There was wind, the temperatures were lower... In a village like theirs, there was a lot of vegetation too, offering shade. She often was staying outside, taking naps under trees. It was peaceful... Until Souji were to come home and tell her that she should be inside and sleep on the futon, more comfortably. She was complying grudgingly and sleeping inside. Napping seemed to have become a time-consuming occupation. She was getting up later in the morning, most of the time with Souji already gone, and was going to bed earlier at night. Her husband would gladly make the dishes in her place so that she could rest.
That evening, she heard the shoji slide with force and greeted her husband home with a smile, preparing some tea for him to relax after a hard day of work. He didn't even tell her « I'm home » as usual and that unsettled her but she didn't ask any questions, his face speaking for himself. Souji was in a very bad mood. She served him the tea with a kiss and he nodded, plunging his eye in hers.
« Is there something wrong, Souji ? » she asked, concerned.
« What do you think ? » he replied harshly.
« Is it the possible war ? » she asked « have you been called to arms ? »
Souji stayed silent and drank his tea without detaching his gaze from hers. His emerald eyes were threatening and inquisitive, searching for something but she had no idea what. It was making her incredibly uncomfortable and yet, she couldn't detach her gaze either, enslaved by that intense stare.
« You're not gonna tell me ? » he asked out of the blue.
« Tell you what ? » she frowned, confused.
Were villagers talking behind her back ? Were there rumors ? Could Souji think she was seeing someone ? No that was ridiculous... She probably forgot something or did something that disgruntled him.
« You fainted. » he explained « at the dojo. Yesterday. »
Ah... that...
« I didn't faint. » she sighed « I got dizzy for a second and I sat to regain my breath. »
« You didn't tell me. »
« There was no point in telling you. » she frowned « it was a simple dizziness. »
« You hid it from me. » he stated « what else are you hiding ? »
« But Souji, I'm not hiding anything ! » she protested « I felt a bit weak for a second and then, everything was alright. I didn't hide it on purpose, I just forgot to mention it because it really was nothing. »
« Your time as instructor ends today. » he ordered « From now on, you stay here. »
« No. » she shook her head to deny « you can't forbid that. »
« You'd do whatever you like in a few months, if you can. » he stated, cold steel in his voice « in the meantime, I refuse you endanger yourself and the child. I let you play at the dojo long enough. »
« I'm not playing at the dojo ! » she yelled « I'm a kenjutsu instructor ! »
« I don't care what you think you are. » he raised his voice a little « You are my wife and the mother of my child. »
« What I think I am ? » she repeated, astonished.
Souji always had praised her on her skills and respected her as a warrior. Had he lied all this time ? What did that mean by « what you think you are » ?
« You may have forgotten your vows so I'm gonna refresh your memory but you owe me obedience. You're supposed to take care of my house and my children. That's your only role, the only thing expected of you. »
« You're kidding me, right ?! » she hissed « You know I made those vows out of tradition but I'm not gonna be servile and obey you in any way ! »
« Well you should start now. » he crossed his arms « because you're not going back to the dojo. That's an order. »
« Fuck you ! » she yelled, standing up « fuck you and fuck your house and your children ! If you wanted that, then you should have kept Tama ! »
« The fact that I love you doesn't give you the right to act carelessly. » he said, standing up as well « I won't allow you to keep acting as you want and put yourself and my child in danger. You're assigned to the house and that is final. »
« And how are you planning to do that ? » she hissed « lock me up ?! »
« If it comes to that. » he nodded « I prefer to have you hating me and my child to be safe than loosing you both because I didn't take action. »
« Go fuck yourself. » she growled « I put up with your nonsense for months and that how you thank me ? By threatening to take away my freedom ?! »
« I can't trust you, can I ? » he sighed, taking her by the shoulders to calm her down « I can't just order you to stay here... As soon as I'll be out, you'll wander around everywhere... »
« And can't you just believe me when I say I'm fine ?! Fuck, Souji ! I've never felt better in my life ! It was an isolated incident ! »
« I don't care. » he replied with coldness « It is over, Haruhi. »
« No ! » she locked her icy gaze in his pine one « I refuse ! »
She was shouting so much that her throat was aching and her breath was short but Haruhi wouldn't let Souji take away her freedom without a fight. She felt her breath become more and more shallow and her heart racing out of fear, exacerbated by her pregnancy. It was pumping so much that it was hurting, compressed into her rib cage. Her vision was becoming blurry and her legs weaker, unable to support her anymore. Giving reason to her husband without wanting to, she felt dizzy again and had no choice but to sit down.
« You can't keep working in these conditions. » he nodded with understanding, a hand on her shoulder.
« Don't tell me what I can or cannot do ! » she hissed « you have no fucking idea ! »
« Haruhi, you just fell to your knees. »
« Because of you ! » she yelled « because you are making me yell ! »
« You can't even argue and you want to fight with a sword. » he frowned « admit it's completely stupid. You're not that much of an idiot. »
Souji gave her a hand to get up and she slapped his hand away angrily, teeth clenched. Fuck that baby that was making her so weak, fuck her husband that was considering her his property, fuck everyone.
« Haruhi, I'm out of patience. » he warned « if you need a minute, tell me. But that won't change anything. You owe me obedience and you will stay here from now on. »
« Lock me up and I swear to the kamis, I'm killing your fucking baby. » she stated with defiance.
Souji didn't say anything and he kneeled to take her in his arms. One of his hand came on the back of her neck and stroked her hair lovingly. It seemed like he needed confort. Pretty funny when he was the one behaving like a jerk.
« I love you. » he said softly « never doubt that. »
Haruhi couldn't answer, too furious to have these words uttered out loud from her mouth. Souji kissed her tenderly. Since she was pregnant, he had been more tender, less passionate. That was conforting her in the idea that he was seeing her like something fragile instead of the woman made of steel that she was trying so hard to be.
« Let's forget about all that, okay ? » he eventually said to her surprise.
« You'll let it go ? » she asked, astonished.
Maybe he could actually believe her capable to kill the life inside her. To be fair, the words spurted out out of fear. She never had the intention to get rid of it. She wanted that little boy with emerald eyes and mahogany hair, the one she saw in her mind when she took the herbs the first time.
« I will. » he said to reassure her.
« Okay... » she sighed, happy that the argument was behind her « I can keep working at the dojo ? »
« We'll see in the morning, okay ? » he kissed her again « let's just have a nice time together tonight. I hate fighting with you. »
Haruhi closed her arms on her husband and she almost could feel all the anxiety agitating his body. Souji didn't like to fight, he was too scared every damn time that she would leave him because he went too far.
« Do you still love me, Haruhi ? » he asked softly.
« Of course I love you Souji... » she whispered « you're the only man I ever loved and I will always love you. »
« Is that true ? »
« It's the truth, I swear Souji... »
« You're so angry all the time... » he muttered, nose nested in her kimono « you're so far from me... I feel like you are slowly escaping me... »
« I'm sorry if I've been moody. » she apologized.
« You love me ? » he asked shyly.
« I love you. » she reassured him « now and forever, I promise. »
Souji laid on the floor and put his head on her lap, opening her yukata to put his face against her belly. He listened to the child in there, eyes closed, and smiled when he felt him move and kick against his cheek.
« I love you both. » he smiled « Don't rob me of it, please Haru-chan. Don't do that to me. »
« I won't. » she shook her head « I'm sorry I said that... »
« Thank you. » he muttered in her belly « You hear that, Aka-chan ? Mama isn't gonna kill you, Papa will make sure of it. »
Haruhi smiled at the peaceful sight of an happy Souji speaking to his child to be and the rest of the evening went on pretty well, their argument nearly already in the past. She hadn't forgotten that they would have another discussion about it in the morning but she knew she wouldn't stray from her decision. Souji would need to adapt and let go a bit of his anguish.
After the evening meal, she went to bed early, letting him take care of the cleaning of the table and the dishes and she wasn't sleeping when he joined her under the covers. His hand hovered over her and awoke desire in her flesh even if she wouldn't yield to it. Yet, nothing was preventing her from pleasing her husband and so she did, so that he could really be assured of her feelings and so they could put this stupid argument behind them. They fell asleep in each other's arms, Souji repeating endlessly that he loved her. It was nice, to really feel loved and not just be the woman carrying his child.
In the morning, Haruhi opened wide eyes when she realized how her arms and legs were tightly bound together and her saphire gaze met her husband's apologetic emerald eyes.
« I'm sorry, Haruhi... » he said, caressing her cheek tenderly « you just gave me no choice... »