My dear little broccolis💚💚💚,

💚 So, this is me doing a favour to the same someone who PMed me and asked to upload two of my stories with the FSOG names. I already did it for Forbidden Fruit, and now, here comes the second. The original fic is published under the Mortal Instruments franchise. If you're one of my old readers, well, you already know this story, so only read it if you want to read it with other characters in mind; if you're a new reader, well hang on and let's see how this Ana and Christian work in here.

Chapter 35 ~ Decisions, Decisions (5,5K)

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Ana's PoV

"So you're going to London?" Kate asks me, doing her best to hide her the little bit of deception that I can see gleam in her eyes.

Ever since I got back, I kept on working with Kate, though my father did make us sign new documents that didn't involve fake ID's. To be honest, I think things are going great between Franklin and I. After all, as Kate said, we were friends before that all "I'm your father ordeal". And we got along just fine. So I shouldn't let one misjudgement of both our parts ruin all our chances to actually be a real and loving family.

I have to say that there are still a few things that are awkward back home. Some ridiculous things if you really linger on it, but still awkward for me. Like the fact that he always wakes up to have his breakfast with me, even though we don't have the same schedule (I have my breakfast at three). Or the fact that I know he checks on my room when he comes back from work really late. Or that he systematically calls when I finished my day to ask about it. As I said, those are small ridiculous things to linger on, and I should be happy that he has all those intentions for me; but … it still feels weird to have someone care for me the way he does. With Christian, it's different, because, well he's Christian.

But anyway, I think Franklin, Lily and I are going somewhere beautiful. Well, we were until that whole job proposition in London came. To be honest, Franklin isn't the one who told me about London, Lily did, because Franklin wanted to refuse the thing upright without even thinking about it. She didn't say that it was because of me, but I am not stupid. I mean, if Gordon Ramsay had called me to open a restaurant with him in England, I would have thought about it twice too because I just had a family.

So Franklin and I had a long conversation a few nights ago, in which I told him that, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't like being kept away from a golden opportunity because of him. He asked if I would follow him, and here comes the problem. Will I follow him? I mean, England has a lot of chairs and opportunities that I don't have here, but … England doesn't have Christian. And I know that Christian won't follow me there. I don't even have to ask him. So I am at an impasse here, because, for the first time since I started living on my own, I'm not sure of what to do.

"I don't know, Kate. I know that my parents are going, they're already planning the trip and all, and my father is leaving in two weeks. But … I don't know. I couldn't ask him to refuse the job because of me, I mean, no matter the job, it's always a huge honour to be asked somewhere for your skills."

"It is," She agrees with me, before putting her finger on the elephant in the room: "But … what about Christian?"

"I haven't talked to him about it, yet."

"What?! But you said that Franklin is leaving in two weeks!"

"I know. But he only accepted the proposition yesterday night. And … what am I supposed to tell Christian?"

I mean, this is the real question to me. It's not like I won't talk about any of this to Christian, it's something big, of course, I'm going to share this part of my life with him. But … where do I even start? We haven't seen each other in over two weeks, and I know that he already feels bad about it. SO, what am I supposed to tell him for him to understand that my decision has nothing to do with the fact that he is working so much. Whether I go to England or stay will have nothing to do with the humongous workhours Christian is doing.

"Well, if you want to go to London, tell him that and that you'd like for him to go with you. It's as simple as that."

"Christian won't go to London with me, even if I ask him to," I let Kate know because I know it is the truth. I know how Christian feels about planes and flying. The second time we went to his parents' house, I asked him why he exhausted himself with driving six hours back and six hours forth instead of simply taking the plane, and he explained to me at that time that he was terrified of flying. He did it once when he was young to go visit his paternal grandmother with Grace (apparently Grace stayed in very good terms with the family of Christian's father) and he had a panic attack. Actually, just mentioning the idea of flying to me made him all sweaty and shaky. So I know that Christian won't go to London with me, even if I tell him that I want to go.

"Why wouldn't Christian go to London? He loves you like crazy. Of course, he would follow you to the end of the Earth," Kate states as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and so I shake my head to clarify the situation to her:

"I know how Christian feels about me. But … he's not very comfortable with the idea of flying."

"Oh," Kate says, understanding what I've been saying in half words. She has the decency to not bounce on that, and I deeply appreciate it. I mean, it is not my fear, and I already feel bad for sharing it with Kate. I mean, I know that she won't use it against him, or go tell the whole wide world; but Christian didn't seem very comfortable when he told me about his fear, and so I guess that it's something he'd rather keep for himself. After all, Christian can be very proud at times, and showing that he has weaknesses isn't something he likes to do. Especially for others.

"Well. Take it the other way. Did Franklin ask you to follow him?"

"Not really. He said that he'd rather for me to go to London with him. But he also told me that he'd understand if I'd rather stay here. And that if this was the case, he'd come to see me every few weekends for sure," I tell Kate, and I don't need her to tell me that Franklin's words are just the exact words that our relationship needed. No pressure to follow him, but there is still the desire to have me around.

"I don't know what to tell you, Ana. Personally, I think you should take your decision only according to you. Not according what Franklin or Christian want, but according to what you want, and where you think will lead you. Christian and Franklin are only bonuses in both cases. They both care very much for you, and I'm sure both of them would respect whatever decision you'll take. Decide for you, not for them; and make sure that they both understand that it's your decision to leave or stay, not theirs and that you do it for you."

I swear Kate should take lessons with Lily and open her own cabinet afterwards.

But before any of us can go further down in this conversation, the front door of the bar is opened, making us snap our heads to the newcomer, and making me smile bright at Elliott. I have to say, I think Elliott is my favourite of Christian's siblings, Not that I don't like Jose or Mia, but Elliott is the calmest of them, and therefore I always feel good around him. When I saw him last weekend with his parents, he didn't bounce on the whole trial thing and simply asked me how I was doing.

It's actually during that dinner, when we talked a little, that he shared with me the problems of sharing a flat with his lawyer of a brother. I have to say that I never felt those inconveniences the way he does, but then again, Elliott and I do not have the same jobs or routines. And that's why I proposed him to actually take on my flat. Since I'm not using it, but that I'm still paying rent for it, it would be better if someone lived in it.

That's why he is here, so Luke Sawyer can make all the papers in orders (since Mrs Lincoln doesn't see any problems in that arrangement), and so Elliott can visit the apartment. Though, as I told him, there are a few things missing. Like the stove and the bed, because I didn't feel like leaving them in my flat. Franklin laughed when I complained about his stove (what is it with lawyers and having bad stoves), but I also saw how his brows went up when I told him that I also wanted to keep my bed.

So anyway, right now, I am just here to present Elliott to Mr Sawyer, and then I am off to go to Christian's apartment and prepare him a full-on romantic dinner.

On our way to my apartment, Elliott and I talk about some small mundane things, when he suddenly asks me:

"Can I ask you something inappropriate?"

I frown a little because that doesn't seem like Elliott. He's always so polite and reserved, I didn't even think he could use the word inappropriate. But I still nod, because I am a little curious about what he could ask of me.

"It's not much inappropriate, but more private. And if I'm prying, just send me to the bushes. It's just that …. Well, it's none of my business," He shies away, and so I just shrug it off. I mean, I won't lie. I'm a bit curious, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable. And if just thinking of asking the question makes him feel so awkward, I don't want to add salt to the wound by insisting.

"It's just that you mentioned that Christian and you still haven't gone further than second base. And, I know my brother and he's not a believer in no sex before marriage. So I guess I was wondering if you were a believer in no sex before marriage, or if …"

"Oh," I say, blushing red like a tomato. I can see that Elliott is blushing as well, and is probably as embarrassed as me for asking the question. I guess, he's just looking out for his brother, or that he's just curious to see if his brother changed; but in the end, it's still awkward for the both of us.

"Forget I asked. As I said, it is none of my business," Elliott says, shoving his hands in his pockets. We keep on silently walking side by side, the awkwardness at its maximum level before I simply let him know:

"I think your brother is just a gentleman with a golden heart, and that I'm lucky to have him in my life."

Elliott shyly smiles, before a smirk grows on his lips, making him look like Christian for a split second: "Golden heart? You didn't grow up with him. He's nice to you because he's in love with you."

I know that he's just kidding to smooth the atmosphere that had been growing thick since that awkward question. And that's why I laugh with him, though he probably had a particular memory in mind when I just have to take his word for it.

When we arrive at my building, there is Mr Sawyer waiting for us, a cat in hand, which makes me smile a little. He always complains about errand cats wandering around the neighbourhood, but he still feeds them in the end. The first thing he says before I can even make a proper introduction is:

"Biscuit, how come every man in your entourage is handsome like that? Do you go to a special shop to get them?"

I blush a little and see that Elliott is, once again, as embarrassed as me with that declaration. But, that is just his problem for now. I make the introduction and then leave them together to go to Christian's apartment.

Once I get there, it's like I've never left. I find my marks right away and bake Christian's banamuffins with comfort, not feeling like a stranger at all. I have to admit that I missed a little that little routine of cooking something for Christian to eat. Even if we wouldn't eat it together, the idea of cooking for him has always been something that I liked.

The banamuffins are barely out of the oven that I feel someone staring at me, making me think that Elliott is probably back, though he told me that he had a job all the way across town after visiting the apartment. But instead of seeing Elliott, I see his older brother.

I immediately smile at the sight, so happy to see him after that long separation; and when he smiles back to me, I go to him to give him a long-overdue kiss. I mean, even if we phone and text each other, it's been two weeks since we've seen each other, so a kiss is something completely normal and appropriate.

But suddenly, before I can even reach him, Christian's face is obscured by a dark cloud and he takes a step backward as he coldly states: "You're going to London!"

I'm not going to lie, this small step he just took is like a slap in my face. It's like he didn't miss me at all. It's been fourteen days since we saw one another, and it's like he can't wait to get away from me. And so I look down, and fidget with my hands as I let him know: "I don't know."

I'm not going to say that it is Christian's fault if we haven't seen each other in over two weeks, because it isn't. He works, and so do I. This is actually the first thing Christian warned me about when we started dating. He told me that work was something really important to him and that he often tended to let himself be overwhelmed by it. And I fully understand it. I mean I would do the same if I had my own bakery. I will probably do the same when I will have my own bakery.

I mean, being a lawyer is Christian's dream job, though I know that he would like to work on his own, and not just stay as an ADA. But when I asked him why he didn't apply to work for a firm or a private company, he explained to me that it was very difficult for a liberal lawyer to pick his clients if he wanted to have a real pay at the end of the month. And there is also the fact that Christian doesn't want to have to defend guilty souls, and that newbies in firms always had the worst cases. So for the moment, he stays at the Tribunal as an ADA.

So Christian being overloaded with work when we came back, I was ready for. After all, even before that all ordeal, when he was every night back at my place, we didn't get to see each other much because of our different schedules. What I was not ready for was Christian putting so much distance between us so easily. Especially when he is looking at me with hurt gleaming in his eyes. And what I like least is the fact that I am the cause of that hurt. It feels like I betrayed him when I actually wanted to come clear to him. And hurt is the last thing I want to bring Christian. I only want to bring him joy and happiness. Like that little smile, he had when he smelled banamuffins before looking at me the way he does.

And so, I look down, taking a step back myself as I let him know about all the thoughts that have been going through my mind ever since I've known about that London thing: "I told my father to go because I know he wants to. He likes the case very much, and he finds it very challenging. I don't think we can really grow as a family if one of us prevents the other from evolving in their career. He's been asked to go for a year, and though he said that London isn't the best destination for a lawyer with his beliefs, he still wants to go. Because of the history, because he wants to test himself outside his own jurisdiction because he wants to prove himself that he didn't get too comfortable in this position of DA he had for quite a while. I can't deny that to my father, Christian. This opportunity to professionally bloom, I can't take that away from him, because I wouldn't like someone taking it away from me.

And for myself, London is such a good opportunity. It's next door from France, the country of bakery. I could learn so many things there, even get into a school, or something. I'll be able to expand my cooking abilities to more than bakeries. To taste food made by gastronomes. I'd come back as a chef, not only some girl who learned how to cook from TVshows. I could even gain a star if I dedicate myself enough into this."

Christian doesn't say a word, and though I can feel that he's still looking at me, I don't dare to look up to meet his angry grey gaze. This is so not how I wanted this evening to go on. Everything is going wrong. First of all, why is Christian already aware of that whole London thing? My father promised not to tell him anything. And why is Christian being so cold? Do you know how this look makes me feel? Like I'm back on trial, and that he's just a lawyer trying to get answers out of me, and I don't like it for one bit. I bring my hands around my frame to hold myself together, and warm me a little; and I whisper, more to myself than to him since he's being so cold and distant:

"But … then, you come in the picture. And I think of you, and of how I feel about you, and that doesn't make me want to go. It only makes me want to stay here with you and start a whole new life in which you're a part of the equation, not just a small part of my life. When I start thinking of you, I don't think 'I', I think 'Christian and I'. I think of how happy I was with the life I had before all this mess, the life in which you were more and more important to me. This life where we would sleep together every night. This life where I happily turned out catering offers so I could go on weekends with you. This life where your mere presence was enough to make me feel safe. This life where you would smile when you would see me, and not walk away like you just did."

I inhale deeply through my nose, doing my best not to cry. I mean, would I have been alone, I would have cried my eyes out; but I don't want to cry in front of Christian. I mean, if Christian is being so cold with me, it's my fault, so I have no rights to cry in front of him. So I finally look up, and finish by stating the obvious: "And I know you will never go to London with me if I go."

Christian's face is still being unreadable as he's looking at me, but finally, I don't feel that cold breeze emanating from him, so I tell him: "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd hear it before I would have told you about it. That's why I wanted to see you as soon as possible and sent you this text. My father promised me that he would let me tell you first."

This stubborn silent is starting to make me feel really bad about myself when finally, Christian's face shows an expression other than indifference. His left brow goes up before he detaches his gaze from me and takes a kitchen chair to sit on it: "Your father did not say anything about going to London, to be honest. It's just that his departure gives me a promotion."

There's a part of me that can't help but be relieved when I hear that my father did not break his promise to me.

"They proposed you the DA's office?" I ask Christian, happy for him because I know that he doesn't want to get stuck as an assistant all his life. But strangely, Christian doesn't seem very thrilled by this promotion after all. He actually passes a hand in his hair as he tells me: "Yeah … But I'm not sure that I'll take it."

"Why?"

For a minute, Christian doesn't say anything, his eyes lost into space, his hands still in his hair, and suddenly I feel like maybe I shouldn't have asked. Maybe he doesn't want to share with me his plans for the future. It's not because I see myself a future with him that he does too. Maybe this London issue just made him reconsider our whole relationship to the point where I don't matter to him anymore. But as I keep questioning myself with thoughts more hurtful than I could have thought, Christian looks up to me and takes my hand to make me sit on his laps. Once I'm there, he looks at me as if he's about to announce me the death of someone I care very much about, and his hand rests gently on my smaller back.

"I had another proposition today. And … I'm not sure about this one either," He tells me while I keep quiet, not sure of what he expects me to say. His eyes search me longly, my face being scanned as it has never been before; and then he says: "Flynn came to me and asked me to be his associate."

I do my best to keep my face unreadable as I let that sink in, and Christian gently caresses my face as he explains to me what happened.

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So guys, for us, this is a flashback of the meeting Christian had with John, but to Ana, this is Christian telling her about it. I just think this part will be better in Christian's PoV, than in Ana's only feeling about what she's being told. So yeah, this is Christian's PoV, his little part in Ana's chapter.

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I look at my coffee in front of me, thinking that maybe I shouldn't have accepted this meeting, but not doing a thing to move. Because I know why I agreed to see John when he asked to see me, Ana. I know that Michael will try to appeal, and I don't feel comfortable about going against Flynn again. I know my case is strong, but Flynn is good, and the world knows it.

Suddenly, Flynn sits in front of me, and as I look at him, I'm sure I look just like him. It's written all over his face that he lacks sleep, that he was just on a case, and that every minute of this meeting is precious to him because he could have been spending them otherwise.

"I don't have time for politically correct formalities, so I'll go straight to the point. I want you to be my new associate," He tells me, before hailing a waiter and ordering a coffee and a chocolate muffin.

I longly look at him, wondering if everything is okay in his head. I mean, he knows my implication with Ana. He knows that to me, Ana's case was personal, and not just a client I could easily turn my back on. So what's up with this ridiculous offer?

"You really think that I'll work with you after you defended …"

"I didn't take the Robert's case for him, but for you," John strongly cuts me off, while the waiter deposits in front of him his order. John pays him and stuffs a piece of the muffin in his mouth as he explains himself:

"You know my reputation, I only lost two, well three, cases in my life. And every time I did so, it's because I've been looking for a new associate. I want someone who has claws, I want a shark. And you are one. A bit clumsy, but I give you that to your personal implication to the case. I know what he did to her, I know that most of it wasn't even mentioned, and you still managed to win, in barely a couple of days, without having the main witness to go back to the stand. And that, I like.

I studied your career before taking the case, Grey. You have potential. Whether it's evolving as a DA, or working on your own account, you have great potential. Because you believe in your cases, and that is something rarer and rarer with young lawyers. You are passionate about your job, and this is your strongest and weakest point. You have to be passionate, but you can't let it show. In court, you have to be unreadable. You can't always win cases by winning the jury's hearts, because this is how appeals cases are won, the jury has second thoughts because they didn't think rationally through the case. And if they don't listen rationally, it's because the lawyer showed too much passion. You shouldn't be the show, the witnesses are, they're the only thing that matter, you're only here to help them voice properly their thoughts."

I can't believe it. I can't believe that Ana's stepfather had such a good lawyer because of me. He could have walked free because of me. Because I was unknowingly put on some kind of test. Thank God I won.

"I don't intend on being the associate of a lawyer who lost his true goal," I snarl because this is something I always promised myself. I'd rather be a pitiful lawyer and defend the right causes than being wealthy and stain my soul with their misfits.

"You think I'm only here for the money? Do you know how many cases I refused because I knew my clients were guilty? It's not because I'm expansive that it means that I defend guilty souls, I believe in my job. Since I got independent, the only culprits I defended were the cases I lost," John strongly states, but I can't stop myself from reminding him one of the cases that made him so famous:

"What about the Smith case?"

"It's not because someone is guilty to the world that it means that person is guilty," John responds with a light tone, and I can't help but internally agree. "Guts is what is most necessary in this job. If my guts tells me not to take the case, I don't. And now, my guts is telling me that I can make you a better lawyer than you already are," He adds, and I just think about it for a second.

This nationally known lawyer comes to me to ask me to be his associate. Not his assistant, his associate. His equal. He came to me, not the other way around, which means I do worth something. That my work is actually good enough for him to take me with him.

"What is the catch?" I ask because this seems just to good to be true.

"Your life. Being a renowned lawyer takes everything away from you. Your social life, your friends, your hobbies, your comfort, your family, … your love life. I'm not going to lie, taking this job means you'll have to give up on many things. You'll travel a lot, you'll sleep barely a few hours a week, you'll forget about food or even what is home. If you're lucky enough, you'll have someone compassionate who understands what it means to you, otherwise … you'll probably quit after a while as all my associates did. "

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So this was Christian's little meeting, now let's get back to present time with Ana's PoV

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"And you're considering it," I say because it's obvious. He wouldn't have been so torn otherwise and would have just told me about it as if nothing. I understand it must be nice to have the best of your domain of expertise asking you to be his right hand. It's as if Gordon Ramsay came to me and asked me if I wanted to open something with him.

"I don't know. What do you think?" Christian asks me, his eyes still studying carefully my face, and I feel weird all of a sudden. Why what I think should matter? It's his life, his career, his dream job. And I don't know a thing about lawyers and stuff, just that my boyfriend and father are lawyers.

"Me? It's your career, Christian. I can't make the decision for you," I let him know with a small smile that I hope encouraging, but Christian just shakes his head as he utters:

"So you want me to help you make a decision about your life dreams, but you don't want to tell me how you feel about me working with the man who defended your abuser?"

I blink a little because I never saw it like that. To me, Flynn is just Flynn. He's a lawyer, he did his job. I don't hold any sort of grudge against him, even if he made me blackout and he scared me about our ability to win the trial. But even now that Christian brought that up, I don't care. It's not like he's the one who did me wrong. And he actually only took the case to challenge Christian and see if he was worth it. So I can even less hate him.

I gently smile to Christian, caressing his right cheek where I can feel his stubble growing, and then I tell him: "I won't make the decision for you. I won't be the person who will stand between you and your dreams. I love you too much for that."

Christian suddenly smiles to me as if I just gave him the world, and I frown before realising what I just said. This is so not how I wanted to let him know. He made such a big case about not being able to make a romantic declaration, that I wanted to do that for him. And now, because I had such a big clumsy mouth, I let it slip. I feel so bad about this. Now, all that romantic evening I planed out for him is gone.

With gentleness, Christian removes my hair from the side of my face facing him, and he hides in the crook of my neck. Then, he kisses my neck sending shivers through my whole body. God, how I missed Christian's touch! His hold on me tightens a little as I lean backwards to give him better access, and his lips sensually make their way to my ear lobe, with painful slowness.

Once his mouth is on the level of my ear, he whispers to me with a very husky voice: "Let me take you somewhere," And all I do is nod, under his spell.

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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

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~ Anyway, question times:

1. Where do you think Christian is taking Ana?

2. What do you think of this job offered to Christian & of the struggle Ana is facing? Is she going to go to London?

3. What do you think will happen next?

4. What was your favourite part?

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💚Anyway, E.L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, everything else is mine.

Love, Mina 💚💚💚