You know those half moon spectacles Albus has...well...

Bumblebee Blood
Chapter 24

Albus leaned against the arch shaped frame of the Potions' classroom door, watching the sole and so far oblivious occupant with a soft smile. Severus was busying himself toward the front of the draughty room, clearly preparing for his next lesson. The gloves he was wearing seemed just a little too large and a little cumbersome for the intricate task he was undertaking, but also necessary to hide the damage to his hand, for fear of unsettling his Slytherins or the other students who found stability in his strict and unyielding methods, ever impassive and seemingly invincible. Albus, on the other hand, remained all too aware of Severus' mortality and the fact he was very, very far from invincible. He straightened, to speak, and -

"You have been avoiding me, Headmaster." Severus did not turn from his organising, but his voice was loud and clear, "I thought that was my strategy."

His smile lingered and he stepped into the classroom, caught out, "Indeed, Severus. I have needed the distance. From a sheer number of things, in truth."

At this, Severus faced him and the expression on that young face was what Albus imagined he himself looked like when he observed a mischievous student over the top of his spectacles, not that Severus was wearing glasses, "That is your prerogative, Headmaster, and one I shall not pretend to fathom."

There did not appear to be any hurt in the light syllables and Albus was almost convinced he sensed an undercurrent of amusement, perhaps to cover, unsuccessfully, the concern. "You need not be worried, my boy. Even brilliant wizards need peace, at times."

"Well," Severus surmised, "In that case, surely you must need far more than you usually treat me to." A thinly veiled compliment and as usual, there was that little twist in Albus' chest which reminded him of all the whys. "How may I help, Headmaster, as I am about to teach."

"I know. I wondered if I might be permitted to watch."

That caught the Potion Master's attention, "Pardon?"

"Your lesson."

Narrowed eyes, "You wish to observe me teach?"

"Precisely!" Albus turned his smile into a charming grin that worked on every - well, nearly every - person Albus had ever met. "Do you not think that would be fun, Severus?"

Like a cat prowling, Severus advanced on Albus, moving his gloved hands to the pockets of his robes, "You have not observed me teach in over twelve years, Albus. Not once."

"Then I might have been letting standards slip, my boy. Here I am to make amends." He straightened where others would yield under Severus' piercing gaze, "Acquiesce, Severus. Humour an old man."

"Humour you, yes, Headmaster, always - what is your game, here?" Severus paused for effect, "Why would such a busy Headmaster and Leader of the Light want to sit for an hour and watch me teach fourth years about porcupine quills?"

Albus did not respond. Severus withdrew one hand from his pocket and gestured to one of the stools at the back of the room, "As you wish, then." He watched as Albus sprightly righted himself on the stool and the open palm became a clenched fist with one finger pointing at Albus, and it wobbled in what was nearly a wiggle, still with that sharp and all seeing glare, and lips parted as if Severus was about to speak - and thought better of it and simply shook his head. He returned to the front of his domain, standing before his desk, arms folded across his chest now. Students filed in, obviously in silence, with that air of anticipation that Albus knew made Severus an excellent teacher - for the most part.

Watching Severus talk about something he was passionate about, in that voice that caressed every syllable and paused when it was absolutely needed, was something Albus knew he would never tire of. But it was seeing his interactions now with the students, admittedly well trained students who enjoyed the subject, that made the difference - the subtle corrections, the even subtler praise, the presence and the attention. Observing how the students recorded the different reactions between porcupine quills and other minor ingredients, Severus was quick to intervene when necessary and quicker still to react to even the slightest imbalance in his perfectly controlled environment. Not for the first time, Albus resented the curse that rested on the Defence position; Severus would be the perfect choice, of course he would, he always had been; someone who knew the Dark Arts intimately and knew of their danger, but knew of the value of healing and strategy and light to complement. But Albus would not risk it, and he assumed Severus accepted that; the annual application for the position had become something now of an affectionate cornerstone of their friendship.

He idly considered when would he change the noun from friendship to... whatever the equivalent was, for a father and a son. Perhaps it could be a friendship as well, still.

For now though, he simply watched his boy - a grown boy - a man - a brave man. A brave man who lived countless lies to keep others safe, to protect others. His attention lingered as Severus read the notes of a Ravenclaw student and there was the slightest nod to indicate approval of a job well accomplished. How many students had gone on from Hogwarts to develop a career in Potions because of this man? How many lives had Severus saved through his choices at the end of the first war with Voldemort; how many more would he save through his decision to keep spying? How many scars were evidence of those lives saved? How many nightmares; how many sleepless nights; how many dreaded evenings. He could not draw his eyes away from those tiny characteristics of someone who had grown up before his very eyes, and he had missed so much of it, and he had done so little, back then. But if he had his time again, would he change anything, because if he did, and even though it was terribly selfish, he would change this Severus beyond recognition and perhaps they would never have shared thirteen years and he would not be Severus' closest confidante and even closer friend.

A glance toward the sand timer on his desk and Severus attended to the near end of the lesson, setting homework with only his highest expectations and dismissing his students with no compliments nor censures. Once the classroom was deserted and left only them, something in Severus' demeanour changed to that more casual countenance, the comfortable familiarity of being with someone who knew him well, "Surprised you stayed on the stool that long, Headmaster." His voice was as gentle as Albus had ever heard it, and he found he could not respond - which Severus sensed, so he followed up with, "Well I was humouring an old man, after all. I doubted your bones would endure the stool." He sat on the corner of the hastily cleared desk nearest the Headmaster, "So? Do you have any thoughts?"

Confusion lingered on Albus' face.

"Well - you taught for many years, I believe one of the greatest teachers Hogwarts has ever seen, though of course I only have your opinion on that, Headmaster. Do you have any suggestions for how I could improve?" Severus glanced behind him, to his empty classroom, "I wonder if I should do more on individual ingredients - although, if students want to brew, ideally they need to remember the steps and not the properties of the composite parts. None of this class show that innate ability for potions invention, unlike the current seventh years. I..." He trailed off and returned his attention to Albus when the other made no indication of appearing to be listening, "Maybe I should teach them the Unforgivables." No reaction from Albus. "Headmaster." His voice sharpened, "At least do me the courtesy of listening."

Albus blinked, "I am sorry, my boy. I was - a considerable distance away."

"Evidently." Severus leaned forward on the desk, "Will you please tell me what is troubling you. You are the only one who tends to listen to my...what do you call them...'ramblings'." That at least rewarded him with a smile as Albus disagreed, "I call it passion, actually, Severus. It is nothing I can so easily tell you, and not something I wish to trouble you with. You have enough to worry about." He gestured to Severus' arm, "I presume there has been nothing since?"

"No. Entirely quiet - I do not know if I am being ignored, or whether he is not summoning at all. Either way, we know it is coming, and we know what I will do - it is nothing that needs to be discussed and dissected." Severus moved his arms across his chest, "You, on the other hand, could talk about what you are thinking." Aside from the small smile, Albus' face was unreadable and Severus sighed, "We talked about unauthorised use of Legilimency, didn't we?"

"As length, as I recall, my boy, after my latest transgression."

"You are lucky then, Headmaster, that your ex-Death Eater spy respects those guidelines." Severus hopped down from the desk, "If you will not enlighten me, then I am going to study."

"Severus."

He stopped and, when requested by a not so commanding gesture, approached the Headmaster, "Please tell me what is troubling you."

A pause, and Albus reached to touch Severus' face, gently brushing his fingertips against Severus' cheek in a movement he had done, so many times before, and yet something unfamiliar stirred still in Severus' chest and stomach, "Albus?"

"I am so proud of you, my boy. You do know that?"

"Of course." Severus frowned slightly, "You tell me frequently."

"I know - but do you know?" There was some strange fervent reverence in those blue eyes and the intensity startled Severus more, "Yes - I do - it keeps me alive." His own words were spoken to respond to the emotion, and perhaps belied more than he would usually, but neither did he wish to retract them so instead he settled on mitigating them, "Alongside a determined will to survive and hatred of the Dark Lord, of course."

But Albus, being Albus, latched onto the significant truth, because of course he did, "It keeps you...alive?"

"Yes." The fingers against his cheek were shaking, just the tiniest amount, and Severus found himself distinctly out of his depth, "Of course it does - " He would have to be honest, and maybe, that was the best thing, "I - the longer I can stay alive, the longer I can protect you, and the longer I can make you proud of me." He caught the inside of his lip with his lower teeth before continuing, hating his childish habits when vulnerability rose to the fore, "I...like proving others wrong." The gaze did not waver and he felt like he needed to lighten the moment, much as that was unlike him, "I realise to do that, I have to prove you right, but I will allow that travesty to occur just this once - try not to let it go to your brilliant head." Albus was about to withdraw his hand and Severus decided it was time to play his cards - he reached up to catch the Headmaster's hand before it did so, and he let for a second his true mask slip and he let Albus see all that aforementioned vulnerability and fear and worry, "Why are you talking like this? What are you planning?"

Even as Albus shook his head with that genial charming and wonderful grin Severus saw it in those eyes - "Nothing, my boy. I was being sentimental, you know I enjoy irritating you with such emotion. It is nearly time for our annual tradition, is it not? Christmas and birthday? Thirty five this year, am I right?"

Severus let go of the hand, "You probably should know that about your child, really." He inclined his head, "Katarina will be thrilled to see us again so soon."

Albus stood, "Of course - you can pretend that you will have something different to the steak." He had not reacted to the subtle comment about the child, "Thursday evening, then?"

Severus nodded and when Albus bid him good day, he echoed the farewell words and watched him leave. Albus was lying to him. That was not altogether new, Albus had kept things from him before, and would do so again Severus was sure. But Severus had still seen it, and he knew it was something he would not forget. It should not surprise him that a wizard of Albus' calibre and brilliance and power and potential and everything Severus admired, in such intensity -

Would also feel, and hide, such unfathomable...sadness.

...well, I am peering over them at all my fantastic wonderful readers with a charming smile that would rival even my beloved Albus'. Thank you for reading; update Saturday 20th June. ~ SS19