a lot of theories about christian's involvement from the last chapter. We will find for sure the extent of it in chapter 70. Right now, Christian is reacting emotionally and with self-loathing. There is a trigger warning in this chapter and i've clearly labeled it. I didn't go into too much detail. I was conflicted.
P.S. A lot of angst is coming your way. Feel free to stop reading till we get to the HEA.
P.P.S if you want some happiness then check out my other/new story called 'Are you ready for your close up?' on my profile.
Chapter 69 – I can't take my eyes off you
Friday, August 21st, 2020
CPOV
As the song progresses on I see her move to the beat. She moves with a freedom and joy that she did exactly five years ago except back then, I saw a hint of shyness. The dance floor is bathed in a blue light till the strobe lights start flashing through in time with the beat with the chorus.
She throws her head back laughing with Rania and raises her arms while she spins but slowly comes to stop while staring upward. I try to follow her gaze but Rania rubs her arms looks at her with concern. Ana looks at her and shakes her head while smiling. I know that look. She's trying to persuade Rania that's she's fine. They both come back to our seating area and Ana sits down next to me.
"Baby, are you okay?" I ask her.
"My going away party was at this club." She whispers in my ear with a strained voice. "I'm remembering some things."
"I thought you said it was in San Francisco?"
"I didn't realize... I mean. I didn't really remember where it was, I just assumed San Francisco since..." she shrugs.
I feel a shiver run through my throughout my body and I momentarily tense. Even though we all wore masks that night, she could possible remember talking to me. There will be no coming back from this. Still a part of me is in denial. I need absolute proof that it was her. I am desperately praying for divine intervention to just this once prove me wrong; to absolve me of the sin of indifference to her plight all those years ago.
FLASHBACK
Five years ago
Friday, August 21st, 2015
I was still in a foul mood as we made our way to the club in Oakland. Elena has been on my ass about the possibility of expanding into the BDSM club circuit given how Seattle is complete and utter shit in this regard.
So here I am, forced to extend my trip out here into the weekend when I could be at Escala caning the shit out of Phoebe for... well, for the simple act of breathing at this point. Just my luck; another submissive in the process of going off the rails. We haven't even been in contract for five minutes.
I pride myself in being monogamous in my arrangements but the mind can sometimes be a fickle thing. I was never a true submissive; the submission of body was an act I could play well but the mind, no... the submission of the mind was a temporary cage I allowed myself to reside in to get what I wanted. I had an end goal in mind; that was my key. I wasn't going to be a submissive forever, I was going to take over and be the master of my universe and own others in the process. I was going to be the owner not the owned.
Before we walked into the club we donned masquerade masks. I had ordered a simple black leather mask. Elena of course chose something ridiculous and over the top making a complete fool of herself but then again, delusions of grandeur can really blind you from yourself. The owner of this particular club is retiring and looking to sell. Tonight has been set up an open house for prospective investors to enjoy and survey the club in its entirety and see how well it performed.
The nightclub was four stories with the BDSM club on the third and fourth floor. 12000 square feet of potential that I wanted no part in.
Elena and I surveyed the nightclub side of things from the second floor balcony where things seemed a little less hectic. It appeared to be doing well. The owner was clearly enamored with Elena for reasons that were beyond me. It was a welcome reprieve and I sought to enjoy it for as long as I was destined to.
I look down on and see a girl walk on to the dance floor with two of her friends. She moves to the beat as she throws her arms up and waves them through the air. She's a brunette with long, pin straight hair that hangs off of her back. She moves her hips in time to the beat and I'm very intrigued by what I see. She's wearing a filigree mask as well and a dark blue silk dress. I'd go down and dance with her against my better judgment but ditching the botox queen is going to be a little difficult this evening. So, I do the next best thing, I go down the stairs with under the guise of a general survey and watch this fine specimen dance.
I walk around the dance floor and after getting a drink from the bar, I watch her. A new song starts and the beat is seductive.
Let me be your air
Let me roam your body freely
No inhibition or
Fear.
How deep is your love?
I see light trace of fog fill the air and the girl moves to the middle with her friends. The room slowly bathes itself in a mixture of a blue and red hue and she looks like a phoenix rising from the ashes as the fog engulfs her. She dances like no one is watching till I see a man join her. He grabs her hand and spins her around. The other two women laugh as they take turns with him as well before he returns to her and they continue to dance for the duration of the song. She's not alone and the realization stings. Of course she isn't.
30 minutes later I find myself on the fourth floor of the club where the more exclusive members have access and scenes in one of the six elaborately decorated private rooms. Elena chose to remain on the third floor for a while to scope out the public scenes. I had no interest in that. I didn't like sharing or doings scenes in public. I'm a possessive bastard. End of story.
FLASHBACK ENDS
I wrap my arm around her and kiss her temple.
"We need to retrace your steps Ana."
"I'm scared." She chokes out, looking at me and I see her eyes tear up.
"I'm here for you, every step of the way." I assure her. I'm here, even though I wasn't all those years ago. She gives me a slight nod and I call out to Rania and she gets up from her seat to move a little closer to us.
"Ana tells me she had her going away party here, do you have any pictures from that night? I can't imagine Ana being a party animal." I smirk and she laughs.
"Oh yeah, this one is a goody two shoes. Even that night she was on her best behavior. After two shots of tequila she called it quits." Rania groans as she goes through her phone.
"Wait... I only had two drinks?" Ana asks surprised.
"Yeah girl... actually no wait... I made you drink a shot of patron, so probably three... four at the max..." Rania then leans over and looks at me. "Do you know this grandma left to go home at 11ish that night. We failed to corrupt her." She cackles and goes back looking through her phone. Ana looks back at me and I see her lip quiver.
I quickly kiss her and whisper against her lips. "Don't worry, we'll figure this out. Let's just look through her pictures..." before she can reply Rania hands Ana her phone and we start going through the few images she has.
It was her. It was undeniably her and the indisputable confirmation hits me like a freight train. She was in a dark blue silk dress with a matching, ornate filigree mask that covered most of her face. There are some pictures of her before she adorned the mask at someone's apartment. Her eyes are surrounded by dark blue glimmering eye shadow, bringing out her eyes but I never got to see them that night when I talked to her. Maybe if I had, things would've been different. Her lips are a nude pink and her skin is flawless as always. As the pictures progress, I see selfies with Rania and Kiran who are wearing red and yellow dresses with equally elaborate masks that match the colors of their dresses. There are videos of her taking a shot and giggling. She was just a young girl out to have some fun. Full of life.
I see another picture of Ana standing with a man wearing a phantom of the opera inspired mask sporting a beard. It's the same man who called out to her when I tried speaking to her. It's Vishaal, I realize. They both stand and Ana beams with laughter in the picture looking at the camera while Vishaal looks down on her. A surge of anger runs through me. She looks happy here and he took that away from her. What's worse, I did nothing to stop it.
"You looked so beautiful. Your hair was so long and you've never worn it that way." I murmur. I'm dealing with so many thoughts racing through my brain as I desperately try to find some sense of calm. I need to remain calm for her. God knows what she is going through.
"Yeah... I've never liked my hair dead straight but Kiran is the one who helped me dress up so I think she may have convinced me. I don't really look like myself... I looked too provocative for my age but I guess I was easily influenced back then. I mean, I was only 19... I turned 20 after I got to WSU." She says with a grimace. "I cut my hair off as soon as I got to Portland. It was shoulder length for a long time. I didn't start growing it out again till maybe senior year but even then I didn't let it grown beyond the middle of my back."
A few minutes later, Rania whispers something in Ana's ear and she tells me she'll be right back. I reluctantly let her go. I text Taylor and tell him to meet me outside in the parking lot.
"Taylor..." I say trying to keep my emotions at bay as I stare at the asphalt beneath me.
"Sir... are you alright?"
"I found Saphir Rose." I mumble, running both hands through my hair, almost pulling them out.
"The woman from that night? How? We looked through every database, Sir."
"It was Ana. She showed me her fake ID a little while ago. Her cousin Rania called her Saphir on a whim and... I fucked up..." I feel my throat close up and I shake my head.
"Christian... you couldn't have known." He tries to placate me but we both know it's useless.
"Jason. She needed me... and I walked away."
"Does she remember talking to you?"
I shake my head and look up towards the sky and take a deep breath. "She's scared to retrace her steps. She doesn't remember much from that night but being here is triggering some memories."
"Sir, this could end badly. If her memory is triggered and she has a negative reaction we need to be ready to get her out of here."
I nod. Suddenly Taylor answers his phone. "I'll tell him. S, stay on the third floor entrance in the event Grey needs you." He hangs up and looks at me. "Sir, Sawyer followed Mrs. Raees and Miss Steele and they took the private elevator to the fourth floor but they won't allow Sawyer in since he's not a member and no security personnel or firearms are allowed. Miss Steele told him she'll only be 20 minutes. Mrs. Raees wanted to show her something... Sir, I need you need to get up there."
Fuck. What the hell is Rania have to show Ana at a BDSM club? What the fuck is happening?
I rush back in and turn right into the corridor with the private elevator bank and walk to the grand staircase that leads to the third floor. Once I get there I walk to the end of the corridor and am met with a woman and two guards.
"Good evening, welcome to Saphir." The woman greets me seductively. I roll my eyes. I want to burn this place to the fucking ground.
"I want access."
She turns and leads me through the door into an intermediary vestibule that has a desk with a computer.
"Are you a member? If so, please enter your code on the keypad. If you are a one-time visitor, I will need to see your ID along with a payment of $10,000 for Dominants that includes admission for you and a guest. If you would like to become a member, there is a one-time initiation fee of $20,000 and in addition to choosing the monthly membership package you'd like. If you have a member that can vouch for you we can bring the initiation fee down to $15,000." She smiles.
"One time visit. No guest." I snap.
"Very well. Please take a look at our NDA that includes our general rules of conduct while you are here. If the rules are breached then you will be blacklisted and escorted from the premises."
The door I came through opens behind me and I pay no mind to it. "Ingrid, love, I can vouch for my friend here." A saccharine voice that is unmistakable speaks. Leila Fucking Williams.
"No need. I'll pay the full price." I growl and give Leila a look but she doesn't back down. She always was defiant. Except now she's pissing me the fuck off to the point of murder.
"Very well." The woman in front of me is all too happy to take my money. I sign the NDA and rules of conduct on the iPad and she directs me through the door.
I walk in and I hear the clacking of Leila's heels behind me. The room is buzzing with people. Some public scenes are taking place along with a fully engaged bar. I know there's a staircase here somewhere that leads to the fourth floor. I scan the room to see if Rania and Ana are here just in case, but I'm interrupted again.
"Master... could we perhaps talk?"
I clench my fists. I need to put an end to this situation. There is too much shit going on.
"Follow me." I bark. I walk left to the corridor and find the fucking stairs that will lead me up but before I start climbing them I realize I need to take care of Leila.
"Listen to me you psychotic bitch, I want nothing to do with you and your fucked up games. You are in violation of the NDA you signed and I will rain down motherfucking hell on you."
Her eyes are wide and I think she's finally getting the message but her lips curl up into a knowing smile and she shrugs.
"Christian, we were so good together. I don't even want marriage from you. Just your dominance, Master. Don't you miss what we had? Does she even give you that? Doesn't look like she does. I know for a fact that I was your favorite. I'm even prettier that her."
Before I can answer she kneels and raises her hands to touch my belt. I immediately take a few steps back and grab her by the arm and drag her up.
"Don't you dare you fucking touch me." I'm squeezing her arm so hard that I could break it and I finally see fear in her eyes. "If you know what is good for you, you'll go back to where the fuck you came from or I will take everything you hold near and dear. Don't test me Miss Williams, I am very motivated to ruin your life right now. You came after the woman I love and I will not stand for it. Do you hear me?"
"Y-yess... sir." She whimpers. Too fucking late.
"I want you and Miss Richmond to get lost. You think Kapadia will save you? He won't be able to save you if I've already put you two in a place where the sun doesn't shine, just like your beloved Aunt." I snarl and I hear her gasp and a shiver run through her body.
"H-how..." She is unable to speak, paralyzed by the fear.
I shove her against the wall and climb up the stairs one step at a time trying to calm my breathing. I take out my phone when I get to the landing and text Welch to get me a full report on Leila William's and whatever is left of Phoebe Richmond's family. I am going to destroy every single one of them so that they'll have nothing to go back to.
Enough of this shit.
APOV
I tell Sawyer that I'll only be 15-20 minutes and that I'm going to check something out with Rania. I can tell he's not happy about it but I assure him that I'll be safe with her. We take the elevators from the second floor and she punches in a code.
"You're a member here too?" I ask.
"Yeah... wait what you do mean too?"
"Kiran brought me up to the rooftop terrace before."
"I didn't know she was a member here... damn. Okay but makes sense, she's a little freaky too." Rania giggles. "This club has a sister location in LA and New York as well, chances are she's a member in the New York one."
"Wait, what is going on?"
Before she can answer we get off the fourth floor and meet with the hostess standing in front of two large doors. Rania talks to her for a minute or two and hands her two wristbands. A white one for me and a red one for Rania.
"Rania..."
"Sshh, I'm Ruby here and you're Saphir." I nod. "Can you promise you won't judge me? I just... I promise it's not bad..."
"I won't judge, I promise." I'll just silently freak out and try my best to keep my nerves at bay.
The guard opens the door to let us in and it's a bar-lounge sort of room, it's a little quieter and actually really beautiful. Across the room is a big floor to ceiling window that has a view of the Bay Bridge. Rania leads to across the room to it while I see some of the people sitting on leather couches, chairs and bar stools. Some men and women are kneeling and wearing what looks like are collars. Some men are in suits, some are shirtless, while some are in leather from head to toe. The women follow a similar fashion in variety. I swallow. Fuck is this a BDSM club?
Rania is into BDSM? The thought is not unsettling but not at all comforting either. It's like walking in on your mom and dad having sex.
I continue to follow her trying to keep my eyes to myself and we find an empty loveseat by the window. We take our seats and she excitedly looks at me.
"Okay remember when I told you I was meeting with a sex therapist cause Raees and I were having some issues in the sack about a year and half ago."
"Uh.. yeah.." I say carefully.
"It was a tiny lie. Well, I guess she kind of is a sex therapist in a way. Her name is Mistress Cyan, I met her through one of the mom's at Rania's daycare. She's an exec at Uber and we were talking over brunch one day and she told me how her huband and her were in funk after they had their son and arranged a meeting with this woman. She introduced us to a very introductory level of role play and BDSM and it changed everything."
"Ruby, you're like mom status for me. Knowing that you're into BDSM is like... " I close my eyes and laugh and I feel her pull me into a hug. "What's with the wristbands?"
"You're such a goody two-shoes." She whispers laughing. Oh Rania... you have no idea. "Red is for Dominant-Dommes, White is for observers. Orange is for submissives who are here with their doms and green are for people who are submissives that are unattached." I nod, trying to process the information.
"Wait. So Raees is the sub in your relationship? I pull away and cover my eyes. "Oh god, I can never look him in the eye. I mean, not that being a sub is bad it's just... oh god. " I giggle trying to not be embarrassed.
She flips her hair over her shoulder and cackles. "Bitch please, of course he is. Look who he married... but in all honesty we switch it up. Sometimes Mama gets tried and she needs someone else to do the work." She shrugs.
"So you guys come here when Ruby comes into town? WAIT... is this where you guys disappeared to for like an hour this evening."
She gives me a smug smile and I shake my head. "Freaks."
"Freaks who have fun, bitch. You should try it. I totally get Dom vibes from Christian. He has an air about him. Though you seem like a tough bitch too." She giggles
Girl, you have no idea.
"Christian and I dabbled in role playing... Sapphire made an appearance when we went to London after the proposal."
"It's about fucking time. Tell me he loved it." Rania's eyes are wide and pleading for the details.
I get into character and sit back on the couch and mime smoking a cigarette. "Of course he did, what's not to love. I'm perfect." I wink and we both cackle.
"Why are you telling me this, I mean, I'm glad you trust me but I'm still curious."
"I can't really talk to anyone about it, you know. Everyone views BDSM as this freaky taboo thing and I know I've always had a bit of adventure in me. I know you wouldn't judge and I guess, I just wanted to have another girl I could talk to you know?" She shrugs. "We're still learning but it's really helped our relationship and we appreciate each other so much more now. It's made life, exciting."
"Thanks for telling me you freak. I appreciate it." I laugh and give her a hug.
We're suddenly interrupted by a woman who addresses Rania, I look at her and I feel the blood drain from my face. I can see she's recognized me but she doesn't say anything. Cynthia? Then I remember she told me that she gave instruction in LA and San Francisco. She's dressed in leather from head to toe with her hair in a slicked back long ponytail. She's not someone I wouldn't want to cross when dressed like that.
"Ruby, back so soon and I see you've brought another playmate. Didn't know you ventured across the aisle." She laughs softly.
"Oh no, this is my friend Saphir. I wanted to show her around."
"Saphir? Just like the name of our little club. Welcome. I'm Mistress Cyan. I hope you enjoy yourself and come back to visit again." She smiles sweetly at me.
Just then Rania excuses herself to get a drink. I stand up as well and walk a little closer to Cyan.
It's now or never. "Could I ask a question, Mistress Cyan?"
"Sure."
"How did the club's name come to be? I heard it was called Armure before."
"The owner renamed it after a woman he loves."
I feel the bile rise in my throat. I could be very wrong with this hunch of mine but I have to ask.
"Is the owner's name Vishaal Kapadia?"
I see a hint of surprise on her face but she does her best to hide it well.
"I'm afraid I've never heard that name before."
"I trust you honor your NDA's."
"I do and I don't ever violate them. My discretion is my lifeline in this business." Her tone bristles with finality and I can tell she's slightly affronted but I don't care.
"Very well. That's all the confirmation I needed." She knows him. I know it. I need to ask Benny to look into her. I can't ask Welch. He reports everything to Christian.
I see Rania start to walk back in our direction. Cynthia gives me a nod and walks away.
Come, let me show you where the magic happens." Rania is way too giddy about this. She leads me to a corridor on the left that spans the entire depth of the room. We pass by six doors and the wall across the doors is adorned with different paintings from different art periods ranging from baroque to modern classical but all have a very sexual nature to them. Both aggressive and gentle... I feel a little uneasy as I walk down the length of the corridor. The lighting is dim and recessed with a warm crimson color on the walls.
We get to the end of the corridor and I look up and see the number 6 in roman numerals.
"This is the room we also use. It's still empty, it's not really that popular but it's used for instruction mostly when easing people in to the lifestyle or for BDSM babies like us." She giggles.
"What the second door for?"
"Oh that's the voyeur room. Each room has one but you can choose to have a completely private session where no one can see you. It has a one way mirror." I nod and I feeling of uneasiness creep over me as she opens the door and we walk in.
The smell of sandalwood and vanilla.
"This room is called the Vanilla room. Raees and I have ventured into some of the other rooms during training sessions but some of them are a little extreme and frankly scary looking."
I take a deep breath and look around. I look up and the ceiling is painted a dark blue and black with what looks like a galaxy of stars behind a silver grid. The farthest wall has chest of drawers which I assume has a variety of instruments. I see a St. Andrews Cross with in dark blue with leather padding.
"What about hygiene, I assume every room has a turnover rate?" I ask.
"As soon as you leave, there's staff to come in an clean up everything and change the bedding along with replacing whatever toys you used. There's also an ensuite bath for aftercare, right there." She points to the door in the corner to my right.
TRIGGER WARNING.
The room seems familiar and I feel a sense of dread start to creep in. I walk to the bed, I hear Rania talking but I can't really hear her. I touch the bedding and run my hand along it.
Silk and white with light blue.
I close my eyes and I hear his voice. I hear his menacing voice and I suddenly start to see everything.
I'm thinking of investing in this club and wanted to show you something before I finalized the deal.
This can be ours, Saphir. We can be so good together because we love each other.
It all comes back me, how he tried to kiss me and then slapped me when I resisted. How I struggled as he shoved me down on the bed and raped me over and over again. How they both held me down and tied me up. The sound of the belt. The burn of it on my skin. I feel my body start to go numb but I need to fight... heat starts to emanate from my hip. No... no... not right now... please.
"R-Rania... I need..." I look at her and I can't breathe. I'm trying to keep the pain from consuming me. It feels like my hip will get torn into a million pieces.
"Baby, what happened?" I see the concern on her face as she rushes to my side. She holds me and holds my face. "Aana, what happened? Tell me." I hear the panic in her voice
"C-christian... p-please... call him. Now please." I fall to the floor and start sobbing willing my body to not give into the pain. I can't breathe. I can't breathe anymore.
It happened here.
He raped me here.
CPOV
After I send a text to Welch, I climb up the remainder of the stairs and walk into the grand room with the bar. My mind drifts back to that night. When I saw Ana in this space, how she stood by the window looking out and lost in thought. I tried to talk to her but she seemed so far away and barely replied. At the time, I thought she was being a good sub. I thought she was doing well by ignoring me because she belonged someone else. Still, the jealousy was there.
I scan the room and I don't see them. I sincerely hope they went back down. I'm not brave enough to go to the room where I heard her screaming for help. I couldn't handle it. Just as the thought rattles around my brain, I feel my phone vibrate and pull it out.
RKR: 911. Aana needs you. Fourth floor of the club. Room VI.
FUCK.
I rush to my left and enter the corridor and stand in front of the room. Before I can reach for the handle, the door flies open and I see Rania's panicked face and tears in her eyes.
"Christian... thank god you're here. I don't know what happened." She turns and walks further into the room where I see Ana sobbing in a fetal position. It rips my heart into a million pieces.
"Ana, baby..." I wipe the hair from my face. "Look at me baby... what happened?"
She looks back up at me and I see the fear in her eyes. "H-here... it hap..." she stutters and is unable to finish her sentence. I pick her up and hold close to me, burying her face in my chest as she continues to sob.
"What is she saying, Christian?" Rania's kneeling by our side and I don't know what to tell her. Not without Ana's consent.
"Rania, she's just not feeling well. I need to get her out of here without drawing too much attention. You have to help me with that. I'm taking her back to the hotel room."
"uh.. yeah, okay... I'll go and ask one of the people I know here about using the fire exit stairs. They lead straight to the parking lot." She gets up and runs out of the room. I call Taylor and tell him to get the car ready and that I'm bringing Ana out in a bit.
"Ana baby, look at me." I hold her face and look into her eyes. There's an almost vacant expression on her face. Like she's lost. "Ana... "
She closes her eyes for a few moments and when she opens them again her face is impassive and she moves to get out of my embrace to stand up.
"Ana, take it easy... let me help you." She doesn't protest. I quickly take off my jacket and drape it on her shoulders. Her skin is cold as ice. When I help her stand, she wobbles as she takes a few steps and I hold her against me.
"Baby, let me carry you."
"NO...I.. I.. I can w-walkkk..." She pushed through taking one step at a time.
We walk out the door and she walks straight to the painting on the wall across from the door. She takes it off from the wall and turns it up down and looks at it intently. It's The Rape of the Daughters of Leucippus.
"A woman falling...two women falling..." she mumbles.
"You saw this back then?"
"Yes." There is an absence to her tone. It's as if she's in a trance or that she's numb and in shock. I slowly take the painting from her and hang it back on the wall. I see Rania turn around the corner and signals us to follow her to the fire stairs that lead to the parking lot. I tell her to not tell anyone about what happened and to only fill Karan in on the situation and that if Ana is feeling better she can come by and see her in our room tomorrow.
She remains quiet on the car ride to the hotel. I hold her hand and try to get her to talk to me but she doesn't respond. I can't fathom what's going through her mind. We get to the room and I help her sit on the bed and take off her heels and massage her feet. She sits quietly and her heads remains slightly bowed and her eyes are vacant as she stares into space. I tell her I'll be right back that I'm going to use the bathroom and she gives me a slight nod. When I return, she's not on the bed. I look all around the suite in a panic and find in her hiding in a corner, huddled with her knees to her chest near one of the couches in the living room.
I got to sit next to her and try to coax her back to the present. "Baby what's wrong? Please tell me." I need her to talk to me, the longer she stays quiet the more dangerous it is. I pick up her hands and kiss them. "Baby, please, tell me." I plead.
She doesn't say anything for a few moments but then speaks with almost no emotion.
"He raped me in that room. He took me in there and did unspeakable things to me. He told me this was my punishment; that he tried to get me to listen with love but now it was time that I was punished. For biting the hand that fed me, for rejecting his love. He punished me over and over again. I screamed as loud as I could, begging for help till I physically couldn't and then I gave up fighting. I just endured it. I even begged for forgiveness but he never stopped." She goes quiet and I feel the burn of holding my breath in. My chest constricts and my body begs for air. I could have done something but I chose not to. I start to see tears fall from her eyes but she doesn't make a sound.
"and then he..." She gasps and goes silent again.
"Tell me Ana, you have to get this out there. Don't let it sit in your head baby. Just tell me, I'm here, no one is going to hurt you like that again, I promise." I reason with her, hoping it will work... a part of me doesn't think I will be able to handle it but this a punishment I have to endure. Knowing what I let happen to her. I don't deserve the mercy of not knowing.
"Akash held me down when I tried to fight. They tied me up and he hit me with his belt. He was angry that I wasn't making a sound so he hit me harder. Then he raped me again. I remember being in the car looking up at the passing lights. He pet my hair. I was in so much pain and I cried, quietly praying to die in that moment. I remember being carried up the stairs in the dark and being laid down on my bed. He ripped my dress off and raped me again. He said that I now truly belonged to him. That I would always remember who was there first and soon enough he would be there last."
I feel the tears fall from my eyes. I hold her hand and bring it to my lips, silently begging her for forgiveness.
"He claimed my body and now all that's left is to claim my mind." She murmurs staring off into space.
"No, you're so strong. He'll never break you Ana." I choke out.
"I was stupid. So stupid." She responds dejectedly. "This was all my fault. I didn't see the signs. I let this happen to me and my brain is fucking stupid." She says with a humorless laugh. "It blocked it all out. It made me suffer all these years."
"Don't say that... it was protecting you from this. What happened to you was... you never deserved it Ana. No one deserves that."
"Today night marks five years. He wanted this to happen."
"He's a sick son of a bitch... what were you doing on those floors?"
TRIGGER WARNING ENDS.
"Rania and Raees dabble in BDSM. They're still in the introductory stages but they come to this club for instruction sometimes. She didn't think I would judge her if she told me about it so she wanted to share it with me. The room where you found me, that's the room they frequent."
I was not expecting that at all. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. It's always the unsuspecting ones.
"Do you remember talking to anyone that night? Anything else, outside of what happened to you?" I ask carefully wondering if she remembers talking me, or a man that was me.
She shakes her head. "Even what I remember right now is in fragments but they are clear and I remember the fear I felt. I remember screaming. When I woke up the next day, I had lost my voice, I thought it was from all the alcohol... but now we know it was from this."
"I'm sorry, Ana. I'm so sorry." I blurt out, with tears falling from my eyes. I'm sorry, I walked away.
She shakes her head. "It's not your fault this happened. I was too dumb to see the red flags."
It is my fault and I'm too scared to admit to you because I don't want to lose you.
She continues to sit quietly for what seems like hours. I ask her if she wants to take a bath and eat something. She shakes her head at both options and tells me she just wants to lie down and sleep. We walk to the bed and I tell her I'll help her change but she refuses and lies down in her dress and curls up into a ball. I strip to my boxers and slip in next to her and pull her to me. I kiss her neck and hold her tight. She warps her arms around me neck and I hear her softly cry. I kiss her temple and rub her back, trying to soothe her, silently wishing I could erase the memory of what happened to her that weekend.
"Can you sing to me? I want to stop seeing these images in my brain." She barely gets the words out.
"What do you want to hear?"
"A-anything that will t-take a-away from here." She hiccups and cries.
"Remember when I took you on the Grace the first time?" I feel her nod. "I told you I can't take my eyes off you." She nods again.
FLASHBACK
Sunday, May 10th, 2020
I see Ana lean on the railing, looking out at the water as the afternoon sun shines brightly.
I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her temple. I had my music library on shuffle when I was out for a run earlier in the week and The Blower's Daughter came on. I hadn't heard that song in ages.
'I can't take my eyes off you " I whisper singing in her ear and she giggles.
She turns around and wraps her arms around my neck and sings back with a smile. "I can't take my off you."
"I knew it, you're obsessed with me." I chuckle.
"Guilty." She laughs. "Do you know the story behind the song?" I shake my head. "Well the unofficial story is that Damien Rice worked at call center before he decided to pursue music as a career and he would spend all day cold calling people about insurance I think. One day he called this number and a woman picked up. He ended up talking to her and then over the course of the summer he would call her from the work phone almost everyday around the same time and talk to her. They talked about everything. Her father was I think a clarinet player and he fell in love with this girl and then at the end of the summer, she stopped answering and he got pissed so he figured out her address and took the bus over and hid in the bushes till he saw her leaving the house and heard he say bye to her mom... she ended up being a school girl who was home because of summer vacation. He fell in love with her and wrote this song about her. He was furious that she led him on but it's so weird that from a seemingly dark emotion came this beautiful song. He fell in love with her voice and imagined all sort of things. It's beautiful and scary and sad. Most men when they feel that darkness of obsession they... well, it's not pretty but he walked away from that situation. He could've still pursued her and it would've been all sorts of wrong but he chose to walk away and create something beautiful from that emotion and move on with his life." She muses.
"I kind of understand where he's coming from..."
"Of course you do. Bros before hoes right?" She giggles.
"Well, yes that and well, I felt that way about you... when I first heard you sing. Except, I had the good fortune of scaring you to death and then meeting you. I started to imagine more with you in the littlest of things. It was also age appropriate, so there's that." I smirk
She leans up and kisses me. "Thank God for that."
FLASHBACK ENDS.
I start to sing softly in her ear.
And so it is the shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes
I think about the girl I fell in love with over that holiday weekend. How she smiled and laughed. How she took care of everyone around her. How we made love the first time. Seeing her smile in the golden hour light. Asking her to marry me. How she looks at me with love in her eyes sometimes. How she's healed me from a lifetime of pain and sadness.
Soon she falls asleep; every now and then a shiver runs through her body. I lie awake, kissing her hair... thinking of the girl I saw in the club that night and how I wanted her for my own sick fantasies but walked away because I was pissed that she wouldn't address me properly. I held it against her, thinking that she belonged to someone else... so what did it matter if I heard her scream for help. I was a jealous fucking sadist who only thought of himself and his petty desires. If I couldn't have her then it didn't matter to me what she possibly needed.
And karma had now come rearing her ugly head. The universe brought me Ana. I fell in love with her and now it was showing me how I was equally responsible in what happened to her. If I tell her, she will run. She will truly leave me and I won't even be able to blame her.
Friday, August 22nd, 2020
CPOV
I wake up with a jolt and see that Ana is not next to me. I check the time and it's just after 6am. I jump out of bed and walk throughout the suite and don't see her. I walk back towards the ensuite bath and hear gut wrenching sobs. I walk in and see her sitting in the tub naked with her face buried in her hands as she cries.
It's the most heartbreaking sight. I am torn between hatred for myself and the hatred for the men who did this to her. I am torn between trying to be present for her and walking away from her because she deserves a man who has some fucking integrity. A man who was never ruled by his baser emotions; a man who has a heart and empathy. Not someone who walks away because he was a petulant child who couldn't have what he wanted.
I take a seat on the floor next to the tub and touch her arm. She slowly moves her hands away from her face but doesn't look at me. Her eyes are red and puffy
"Ana..." I don't know what the fuck to say right now.
She turns her face to look at me but doesn't say anything. Everything that she's ever told me about that morning hits me like a ton of bricks. She was all alone back then. I tear my eyes away from her in shame and pull her hand to my lips and kiss it. I get up to go and get a towel. I hold it open and she stands up, smelling of lavender and epsom salt. I wrap her and lift her up and proceed to dry her. Her eyes remain fixed on the floor. I get her a robe and help her into it and then carry her into the bed. I proceed to close all the curtains and darken the room as much as possible. I check the time on her phone, it's just before 7am. We don't speak at all in this exchange. I climb into bed and hold her to me. Her face in my neck as I kiss her cheek and neck and rub her back. She wraps her neck around me and quietly cries.
When I wake up again, Ana's face is on my chest and her arm around my waist, wrapped around me like a wine. I check my phone and it's almost noon with several texts from Karan and Rania. I reply back and tell them to come up in another 20 minutes. They reply back saying they'll have breakfast sent up for us in the meantime. I wake up Ana gently and tell her that she needs to eat and that Karan and Rania want to check in on her.
A while later the door knocks. Ana and I go to check and it's Tony, Karan, Rania, Aria and Raees.
We all take a seat in the living area of the suite and catch up a little. Ana promises she's doing fine but doesn't elaborate any further.
"Aana Khala, mama told me you have booboo." Aria says while sitting on Ana's lap.
"Yeah Gremlin. I was feeling sick yesterday. Can you give me kisses and make me feel better." Aria nods and Ana starts to point on different places on her face to get kisses form Aria and it's the most adorable exchange. She gives her a big hug and starts to sob.
"Don't cry, Aana Khala..." Aria says holding her face. "Let's go for ice-cream and GG bridge."
"I'm sorry Gremlin... ice-cream would be really nice. How about you go with your Baba and Tony and get me some ice-cream. I need to talk to your Mama and Karamoo for a little bit."
"Okay... let's go baba. Aana Khala needs ice-cream." Aria gingerly gets off of her lap and orders her father and Tony to accompany her out the door just as room service arrives.
Once they leave we settle back down.
"What happened last night, Aana?" Rania starts.
Ana gives Karan a look and then looks back at Rania. "Before I can answer that, I need you to tell me everything that happened before I left Armure the night of my going away party."
I see confusion mar Rania's face. "Why, I mean... what do you want to know?"
"I don't remember much of that night and last night you said I didn't have more than maybe 4 shots. Again, that's not enough for me to be drunk or blackout... what time did I leave?"
"Around 11pm or so you wanted to leave, you were feeling tired and then Vishaal took you home. He texted me a little while later saying he dropped you off and that you went to sleep."
Ana bites her lip and looks down. Tears start to fall.
"Aana, you're scaring me... what's going on?"
She looks up at Rania and takes a deep breath. "Vishaal brutally raped me in the club that night and Akash helped him. He took me up to the BDSM part of the club and raped me in the vanilla room you showed me. He didn't take me home until much later than he said. When I woke up the next morning, I had no memory of what happened to me until he revealed what he did the following spring and since then he's been terrorizing me and last night going to the club and that room, triggered all those memories. I finally know what he did to me. Last night marked five years to the day."
Rania is silent for a few moments as her eyes go from Ana, to me to Karan and back to Ana.
"B-but... I... I..." Tears form in her eyes and she's at a complete loss of words..."He... n-nooo. I mean...this is my fault... fuck... " She buries her face in her hands and starts to sob hysterically. Ana jumps up and goes to hug her and it's almost too much to watch.
"I'm so sorry, Aana... so fucking sorry. I ... I..." She sobs and hugs her tight before pulling away. "When you said you were feeling tired, I offered to take you home but Raees has just come by after his shift to hang out with us and Vishaal insisted on taking you home. He told me to have fun with Raees... and I told him that it didn't matter, Raees hadn't had any drinks so we both could've dropped you home before I went back to his place but... you also told me to stay put and party. I should've tried harder... but... fuck... I didn't realize... I mean... he's our brother it never seemed suspect... Aana I am so sorry."
"It's not your fault. None of us knew. I'm serious Raniapa it's not your fault." She holds her face trying to calm her.
"Why didn't you tell us? We need to tell Nani, right now... " She looks back at Karan. "How long have you known?"
"Since your wedding." He says quietly.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" she bellows.
"Rania, I made him promise not to say or do anything and you have to promise me the same. Please."
"No, this is bullshit. Ana, I legally cannot keep this from KGI shareholders you know that right."
"I know but please... I have no proof, Rania. It will be my word against his."
"We'll find the proof."
"It will be all circumstantial.
"No, we need to tell Nani... come with me." She moves to get up.
"SIT THE FUCK DOWN RANIA. NO. WE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING."
"WHY THE FUCK NOT?"
"Look, the will reading is set for October 2nd. Chances are that everything will be left to Alia and Nita. Don't you think Alia will do whatever she can to save her son? Even if AHAK pulls out of KGI, Vishaal and Kiran still win. You want AHAK to breakup over this as well and that's IF everything is proven. I am not going to be the root cause of all that fucking chaos. Once the will is read and the decisions have been made for everyone, I'm walking the fuck away from this family. I'm moving on. I am not coming back to San Francisco again. This wedding is my last appearance."
I see the shock and heartbreak on Rania's face."You don't mean that. You're going to leave us?"
"No, I mean... look you guys are always welcome in Seattle... but I can't come to family evetns anymore. I'm tired, I'm hanging by a thread."
Rania gets up and starts pacing the room. She pulls her phone out of her bag and makes a call.
"Benny, hi... I have a favor to ask. August 21st 2015, to August 22nd 2015, can you get me the front door code logins to the Presidio Terrace house. I need to verify something... okay thanks. I appreciate that."
"What are you doing?" Ana asks.
"If the fucking piece of shit used his own code to drop you home then we have something against him. At least the start of something."
"Rania, that won't prove anything. Please drop it."
"How the fuck am I supposed to drop it?"
"Listen to me, this happened to me. I get to choose what happens and when. So do me a favor, and fucking drop it."
They both stare at each other for what seems like hours till Rania tears her eyes away and I see the heartbreak etched on her face.
"I think Vishaal owns the club." Ana begins again.
"What makes you say that?" Rania asks.
"I asked Mistress Cyan how the club name came to be and she said that they owner named it after a woman he loves."
I run my hands through my hair trying to calm myself.
"Akash offered this place because our original venue closed down due to a carbon monoxide issue 2 days ago. The city came in and shut them down indefinitely... he said he knew a friend who had an in with a club and could get us a good deal. I had no time to look into it and just make the payment and had the wedding planner arrange everything else." Karan shares.
"Who got Ana the fake ID that night? She was only 19, you guys took an underage girl to a club."
Rania's eyes shoot up in surprise. "That has nothing to do with that happened. What, like you haven't done stuff like that? Go to bar or club with a fake ID? Vishaal and Kiran got that ID for her as a gag gift. We had a brunch the week before her going away party. Karan and Aashu were there too and we all gave her these college gag gifts."
"Christian... it's okay. " Ana says softly.
"No, you were underage and just coming out of your recovery." I snap.
"Christian. Fake ID's are the norm." Ana spits out. "Please, just... " she shakes her head.
We are all silent for a few moments.
"Where does the name Saphir come from?" I ask.
Rania and Ana exchange a look and Ana gives Rania a slight nod.
"Vishaal used to say that her name should've been Anastasia Saphir Steele because of her eyes and all us cousins were putting the gag gifts together, he took point on the fake ID. We all have a running joke about our stripper names. Saphir was a better option than Sapphire."
"What's the name of the LLC you made out the check to for the club?" I look at Karan hoping we can get a lead.
He takes out his phone and goes through it. "ARSVAK, LLC."
Ana looks at me. "Anastasia Rose Steele Vishaal Abdul Kapadia..."
It starts to dawn on me. Saphirars – Saphir Anastasia Rose Steele
SARVAK – Steele Anastasia Rose Vishaal Abdul Kapadia. Elena was going into business with them to open that BDSM club.
"The club is opening a new location in Seattle." Rania muses.
"How do you know?" Ana asks.
"Mistress Cyan told me. She said the announcement would go out this coming week. Opening day is... " Her eyes shoot up to Ana. "Your birthday is the opening day."
Ana and I exchange a look. Hell, fuck no.
I'll have that shit burned to the ground before they even try.
A/N: This chapter marks the end of Aashu's wedding. Next Chapter we're back in Seattle and we'll see how this weekend will really affect their relationship.
Music
How deep is your love - calvin harris
Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice.