Author's Note:

Thanks for the lovely fan mail on yesterday's optimistic chapter. It's always nice to get some love, and today has been full of lots of all that.

Shoutout to "IllegalKittens" on Ao3 who has started reading this and commenting on every single chapter with very insightful remarks! And yes, the line about 'Only Montgomery' is yours, here. You'll know when you get there, it's yours from the comments.

Shoutout to Kristin_Aubrie who is the latest sole commenter on Ao3 for the past few chapters and it makes my day, every day, and keeps up my confidence!

And to the person who reviewed on Fanfiction and said they were done with this because it's a lot of missed opportunities already, umm, goodbye I guess, and you might not see this at all, but here I go. Thanks for reading the first part, and if you decide not to go on I can respect that! I won't chase on after you and beg you to keep reading. If you do decide to continue; then that's up to you.

Thanks for all the stars on Wattpad my friends :D, and thanks for the kudos on Ao3 and the favs on Fanfiction. Either way, the acknowledgment really goes a long way!

Glad to see there are some devout fans who read this as soon as it happens. You are my #1's and you make this all happen. To those of you reading at any point, I do go back and back-edit quite frequently, so if you're reading this in April/May 2020 you might be reading one version, but if you go back and re-read it later, you might find a more polished less typo-riddled beast.

But alas, here's Chapter 35 for you all. It is also rated E for Explicit, take from that what you will.

Apologies in advance for my leaning on the fourth wall humor, and references to real lives.

bobbiejelly

PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":

"Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"

Addison doesn't even wake up as she shouts this to high heavens in the goddamned on-call room inside of her sleep and inside of her dream but pouring out loud in the real world.

She's dreaming a little dream of Meredith, and Meredith Grey from her upper bunk bed has been watching her through the whole time.

Meredith feels she has a million happy tears swell up in her eyes as she hears this.

She hears Addison's unconscious confession to her, that SHE is the one that Addison wants.

And to hell on high water be damned if there was anyone else in her life tempting her.

Because Addison, as she orgasmed, as she came with everything she had in her slumber…

Addison had called out to HER, Addison had called out FOR HER.

Addison had called out every iteration of her name and her nicknames for HER, for Meredith Grey.

END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE.

Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly. NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)

Chapter 35: I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked

Pyloric Stenosis babies provoke multiple wardrobe malfunctions. Mostly porn but WITH critical plot. Rated E for Explicit. Just for Fun. Well, I mean, all of the fun is for Addison & Meredith... ;)

Addison climaxes into herself like a train. She's arched completely off of the bed as she comes. She clenches her fists into the pillow and her toes curl into the sheets as she screams.

Addison trembles as if there were an earthquake overtaking her. She shivers as if she were cold, but she is far from cold; she's overheating in bliss.

As Addison comes down from her orgasm, she shakes and she shudders from the waves of pleasure as well as from the aftershocks.

Addison sighs contentedly in her sleep as she finally settles down. Her breathing slows to a steady pace and her heart rate goes back down to baseline.

Eventually, Addison's dream sequence changes all in her head. She's still picturing herself and Meredith. But now she's picturing herself being led to bed by Meredith.

Addison is imagining that Meredith is carrying her to sleep, tucking her under the covers and crawling in right beside her. Addison is imagining Meredith singing her to sleep again…

Meredith watches wide-eyed as Addison takes herself through the whole long and slick and sweaty ride.

Meredith sees as Addison falls into a deep, non-wet-dream sleep again.

She watches as Addison's muscles unclench and her brow is unfurrowed.

She watches Addison settle into a 'post-sex haze' of asleep.

Meredith watches Addison vaguely murmur something semi-coherent sort of like "thank-you Mer…" and "goodnight," before she stops talking out in her sleep at all, entirely.

Meredith watches Addison settle in for the rest of the night. And she's wide awake but still exhausted. She tries to process it all as she closes her eyes, and tries not to move an inch.

When Addison finally wakes up in the morning, she checks at the clock and sees it's still an hour before rounds.

It's before Meredith would have to wake up to her pre-set alarm, but Addison is an Attending and she does care for her appearances more than she cares at all to mention to anyone.

Addison also has started to care more and more about what she's wearing and about the makeup she is putting on with her outfits.

She's like to say it isn't about Meredith, but it totally is. Addison has this desire to impress the damn intern, much more than she ever had the desire to impress her ex-husband.

She really wants to impress Meredith in a way that will get her to say to HER the whole 'pick me, choose me, love me,' speech she's only heard secondhand, and directed at Derek.

And it's different, in every way. With Derek and even Mark, she was trying to impress them to get them to treat her well. With Meredith, she is trying to impress her now, and yet, Meredith…

Meredith already treated her well. Meredith treats her well. Meredith cherishes her. She cherishes her, always… In a way she's never been cherished by anyone in her lifetime. EVER.

Not by her father, 'The Captain' Montgomery. Because as she's said to Meredith just yesterday night, he just screwed around on his secretaries and made Addison wait for him. Alone.

Not by her mother, 'Bizzy Forbes. Because as she's said to Meredith on the night she doesn't remember, her mother never, ever let her cry or be anything less than prim and perfect.

Not even by her brother, 'Archer Montgomery', who she loves more than anything. He carried her home, yes. But he always felt he knew better than Addison, even when she was right.

And she doesn't want to even get started on Derek, who always treated her like he took her for granted, while he lusted over other boys, but mostly over his best friend Mark Sloan.

And then there was Mark Sloan, who wanted his hair stroked and liked to be called a 'good boy' in bed, and Addison thought it was strange but she kept that a secret, at his own request...

And all this brings Addison full circle thinking about Meredith. She thinks more and more about that blonde girl. She hardly ever doesn't think about Meredith Grey.

She thinks of all the little things Meredith does for her. She drives. She feeds her Skittles, Junior Caramels, Cheetos, Aspirin, Gatorade, Doctor Pepper, Cherry Vanilla Sodas, and Cakes.

She is totally consumed and obsessed but in a very deep and intimate way. Intimate in an emotional even more than a sensual sense, though she feels that as well, now, of course.

Addison feels like she was drowning herself in Derek, and clinging to dear life to Mark. But she feels that Meredith, Meredith is there and she's not 'like coming up for fresh air' in a sense.

Meredith is there as if she's saying to Addison, soothingly, 'you deserve to swim up for fresh air. You don't need ME to help you swim. I'm just here to tell you you don't have to drown yourself'.

Addison feels that Meredith is the first person she's met in Seattle, she is the first person who called her only 'Montgomery', unattached back then from Derek. She's her first-ever Gay love...

Addison takes a deep breath as she blinks her eyes open now. She twitches her fingers and toes as she tries to summon the strength to get up out of bed and face this whole day.

As Addison does this, she's overtaken instantaneously with a panic. She feels extremely sticky and she has no idea why! Addison panics and wonders if she's peed her pants, wet the bed.

But then she doesn't feel wet, per se. She doesn't feel all of her clothing and the sheets are soaked through. She just feels... sticky. Sticky at her center and she's sort of confused.

Because Addison, may we remind ourselves, has no idea how to masturbate (even though that makes literally no sense because she's what, thirty-nine now?). But she doesn't. At all.

So she's not used to the stickiness, and she's not so sure where it comes from. Sure she's had plenty of sex before, but that was with boys and that was all different. She was with someone.

And now she's with no one and she's all sticky waking up from her sleep. And she feels… Good. Really good, actually. All refreshed and perky and she's slept like a baby. Not hungover at all.

Addison thinks it's all because of Meredith (she doesn't remember just HOW MUCH it was 'all because of Meredith…) and she thinks to herself she really has to thank the intern, today.

But alas, Addison is still sticky as all hell. So she decides that she needed a shower anyways and this stickiness just proves that point even further.

So Addison goes to get her shower and get ready for the morning as she changes into fresh scrubs and brushes her teeth and all that and puts on her makeup to be 'just so'.

Addison then goes to take her stuff out of the on-call-room before realizing she still doesn't have her keys. So she just leaves it all there anyways and slips out without another sound.

She doesn't notice the still-slumbering Meredith Grey in the top bunk bed by the window. She doesn't notice there's been another occupant to that very on-call room all night, at all.

Addison just goes about her business and goes to check on her patients before rounds. One might think she wouldn't have to; being an Attending and all, but she really does like these babies.

"How did they do last night?" Addison asks Anna and Emmett, who she has already met for many consults with them, ages ago.

"Pretty well, they haven't been sick all night which seems to be a first. And the young doctor who was here for the night shift was excellent at taking care of them, and us, as well," they said sweetly.

"Good to hear it, well we should do an exam just to check," Addison says to the parents. So Anna moves to the other chair to allow Addison to examine the boy, baby Y.

And she checks all his reflexes and takes his vitals and finds them to be decent. "So how have you been, Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd, it's been quite a while", says Anna.

"Oh, It's only Doctor Montgomery now," Addison says, trying not to wince at Anna's obviously innocent mistake, as she hadn't told them yet about her and Derek's divorce.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Anna says to her empathetically, and it sort of reminds Addison of Meredith. "Oh, don't be," Addison says truthfully. "I'm sort of happy about it," Addison says before she can stop herself.

"Oh, is there someone else in your life?" Emmett pipes in with a question. "Oh, um, maybe," Addison answers a bit noncommittally. She still doesn't know where she stands with Meredith Grey...

"Love problems?" Emmett asks her a bit knowingly. "Like you wouldn't BELIEVE," Addison says in a huff. And she catches Anna smirking at this but she can't quite figure out why.

"What?" Addison asks Anna about her reaction. "Oh, no, it's nothing, I was thinking about something else," Anna says quickly, as Addison eyes her before giving up.

(Of course, Anna and Emmett are thinking about the uncanny way that both Doctor Grey and Doctor Montgomery both said the same thing in the very same way…)

"Well, Y seems to be great, we just have to be checking on X, now," Addison says with a smile. She's happy, she woke up very happy despite being up late last night at the bar.

As Addison checks up on X, though, X starts throwing up and Addison doesn't move fast enough to move away from it all. It gets all over her scrubs and Addison excuses herself.

Addison heads back to the same on-call room she was in to take a shower and to change into a new pair of scrubs. She's a bit exasperated now, because she's just had a shower after her stickiness from this morning.

Addison is not necessarily tiptoeing on her footfalls, but she's not being especially loud, either. Meredith is still (of course, unbeknownst to Addison,) asleep in the top bunk, unaware of it all.

So she tosses her ruined scrubs in the bin outside the door and she's standing there almost completely naked now, except for her bra and panties. And she notices a familiar head in the bed.

So doesn't want to wake her still, because she thinks that would be terribly mean, especially after all the hard work Meredith put into taking care of her all evening.

So Addison simply showers and gets ready all over again. She thinks she'll get away without waking Grey until she drops her damn hairdryer and it hits the floor with a bang.

Meredith stirs, but she only rolls over so she's facing the door now, and closes her eyes after only opening the, briefly to see if there had been an explosion, which there had not been.

So Meredith closes her eyes again and tries to self-soothe herself to sleep. She'd love to get another hour in, she did need it after everything. So she squeezes her eyes shut and tries.

She's not yet asleep again, but she's not quite awake, either, when Addison emerges from the washroom with her hair all dried out, but still wearing only a towel over her naked body.

She put on her perfume, to cover any remaining smell of the spit-up (not that there was any, it was only Addison's paranoia), but the familiar scent of brown sugar and spice was noticeable.

Noticed by Meredith, at least, who inhales it and smiles into a sigh. She finds the familiarity and sweetness relaxing and she imagines Addison next to her, the pleasurable aroma wafting by.

And Addison can't help but hear the sigh that Meredith has emitted in her sleep, so she snaps her eyes to Meredith's sleeping (semi-sleeping) form, and can't help but smile at the girl.

Addison wants to hold her in her arms and cuddle her to sleep all over again, but she can't because she has work to do eventually, so she settles on walking over to Meredith to tuck a hair behind her ear and to tuck her in all again.

Meredith feels the warm weight of Addison's hands again, as they tuck her into the covers. Meredith recognizes the sensation from the last time in the on-call room, where she'd been awake then, too.

And Meredith feigns sleep again because she wants Addison to keep doing what she is doing. So she keeps her breaths even as Addison soothes down the blankets like a cacoon.

She's swaddled so tightly it feels just like a warm hug. Meredith can't help but melt a bit and imagining she's in Addison's arms all over again. But she settles for this, now. What she has.

As Addison finishes tucking the blonde intern in, she pauses for a second, seeing the smile on Meredith's face. She thinks she's beautiful like this, just so peaceful and sweet.

Addison just watches as Meredith senses Addison watching her. Meredith likes it. Addison likes it. Addison wants to do more, so she reaches to tuck the tail of Meredith's hair behind her ear.

At this touch, Meredith can't help but hum involuntarily, but luckily for her, it doesn't signal to Addison she's awake, just that she's pleased. Addison takes a longing look before stepping away.

Addison is not dressed yet, so she doesn't leave the room. She gathers a fresh pair of scrubs, this time navy blue because she's run out of salmon-colored ones. Attending scrubs, she thinks.

She slips her towel off, laying it neatly on the towel rack in the washroom. She's completely naked now, and unaware that Meredith has opened her eyes just a touch to see her like this.

Meredith coughs involuntarily at the shock of a very naked Addison Montgomery right in front of her, and it makes Addison's eyes shoot up to the blonde's. She expects them to be wide-eyed.

But they aren't, Meredith has them squeezed shut, pretending dutifully to be asleep again. It doesn't quite fool Addison though, because she can see the telltale smile pull on the corners of Meredith's eyes.

Addison turns her back to Meredith now, smirking to herself widely. She doesn't want Meredith to know that she knows that Meredith is awake, aware, and also watching her change.

She wants to save Meredith from THAT embarrassment, and also she wants to save herself from the embarrassment of having to admit how much she adores every second of the blonde's attention.

Instead, Addison just teases Meredith by stretching a bit, arms high to the sky, and doing a side-to-side yoga thing. If anyone were to ask her about this she'd lie and say she thought she was alone…

Not that Meredith was going to tell anyone, because what the hell would she say, anyway? That she was peeping on her Doctor McBoss taking off her towel at 4:30 AM in an on-call room?

So Addison knew she had a sort of upper-hand, here, as she got out her moisturizing cream and started quite a show of applying the body butter to her entire body, slow as all hell.

Normally, Addison would just apply the cream to her legs, put on pants, rinse and repeat. Normally, Addison would get cold being exposed in the room, but now, she is far from chilled at all.

Addison is shivering, but with excitement and devilish anticipating, not from the nonexistent breeze that could blow on them from inside a room with no open windows or doors.

Luckily for them both, the door was locked so no one was going to walk in on Meredith watching Addison literally rubbing her nipple and the inside of her hips with body butter and cream.

As Meredith watches, she only opens her eyes a little bit at a time, terrified that Addison could turn to meet her face at any minute. Addison doesn't, though, she never really turns completely.

Meredith starts to wonder if this is because Addison knows that she might be awake and looking, or might be awake, or just might wake up in general. Addie knows she's here, after all.

Meredith decides that it doesn't even matter, what matters is that she can see the curve of Addison's bare ass right in front of it and holy hell or high water was it absolutely amazing.

Addison's ass was so tight and so round and so toned… God, Addison MUST be into running, like Meredith had originally thought because her ass was so smooth and delightful.

Meredith just wanted to grab it with her hands and rub it and massage it under her fingers. She wanted to hold onto it while she fucked Addison with her mouth and her lips and her tongue…

Meredith had not gotten herself off after last night's… Very interesting experience… And now Meredith was having yet another interesting Addison experience and holy fuck was she horny as shit.

If anyone ever said this sort of thing about Addison's body OUT LOUD to her, Meredith would have wanted to hit them with a brick for objectifying Addison in such a grotesque sort of way.

But Meredith tried the beauty of rationalization in the way she allowed herself to think these not-safe-for-work-thoughts about her damn boss, to herself, while at work, no less, of course…

She tried to rationalize that she and Addison had basically had a moment when they were going to be asking each other out anyhow so if they were gonna be a thing maybe she was ok thinking this.

Plus, if she never said anything aloud to say, other people, about the way she was describing Addison's bathing suit parts to herself as if she were narrating a damn porno, well, I guess…

Meredith didn't have a clever remark to make about that last one but she didn't care. Not a care in the world, because Addison sure didn't seem to have a care in the world as she did this.

She didn't seem to have a care in the world as she allowed her breasts to bounce up and down as she rubbed the cream against her taut stomach. (Jesus Addison, abs much!? Holy shit!)

And all of it enveloped in Addison's drop-dead gorgeous Milk & Marble pale skin. The kind of smooth skin that Meredith had felt all over hands, even just on Addison's shoulders and neck.

Oh, so smooth and tender and warm. And Meredith imagines that Addison's skin would be all smooth and warm if she were to touch it right now. Meredith fantasizes about doing this.

Meredith fantasizes about being the one to apply all of this moisturizer to Addison's beautiful body. She imagines being the one to help her reach the spot on her back she couldn't reach.

Meredith imagines applying sunscreen on Addison's bare skin before going to the beach. She imagines soothing Addison with foot rubs before she helps her set dinner. She imagines…

Meredith imagines the sickly sweet sort of domestic bliss that she used to think was all bullshit but damn she would love to build a home and a life with this girl. Woman. Addie is a woman.

And a beautiful woman at that. Meredith knows she's literally said that word over and over but it never seems to capture just how much Meredith can't take her eyes away, never could, ever…

Addison thinks back to the first time she had met Meredith in the lobby of this very hospital. She remembers how scared and hurt this blonde woman was, but also how heartbreakingly beautiful.

She remembers the blonde hair running smoothly over her shoulders. Perfectly framing her delicate face and her slender yet strong figure so appetizing, to say the least bit.

Perhaps Addison has been capital-G-GAY for much longer than she had thought… Addison wonders this to herself as she remembers herself thinking that she hated how Derek found her.

Found her, of all the girls in Seattle, by chance, in the very first bar he had stumbled into on his very first day moving out of Manhatten. How he had found this perfect 26-year old Addie had no sweet clue…

Age should be a problem. It might be a problem? Addison's 39 and Meredith is 26 and so maybe she's a bit older than her fellow classmates because she mentioned something about Europe.

Some backpacking trip she took with her ex-girlfriend or something she'd mentioned to Addison when they were driving around the other day with the Thai and the plant food and all and Addie talked about life in LA for her friends.

But Age doesn't seem to be a big deal for them. They're consenting adults. For all that it's worth, Meredith seemed to have some of the life experience even her husband had lacked. In a bunch of ways, Addison guesses.

By this she means, Meredith, beating Derek in some ways. Coming out, for one. Owning a non-rolling-HOUSE, in Seattle, for two. Caring deeply and actively for her, Addison, for three.

Well, the last one wasn't so much as a major life-accomplishment, but it sort of felt that way for Addison. Because, going back to her earlier interior monologue, Addison didn't feel loved a lot.

She usually felt that love had to be earned; that it was conditional and that it could be easily withdrawn and even taken away. She hadn't felt that with Meredith; she just felt, well, loved.

And that maybe should have been terrifying for Addison, as she thinks now about how she's literally doing a reverse-sort-of-strip-tease to try to seduce her ex-husband's ex-something…

While she pretends to be asleep while Addison pretends to not know that she's only pretending to be asleep. While Addison pretends to have a good reason for not being more honest, earlier...

While Addison savors what she realizes, might be one of the last times she gets to shamelessly flirt with the young intern before she has to get down to the nitty-gritty-super-serious stuff.

Addison savors the last moments of being in the "Before". The "Before" she tells Meredith she's her 'mystery person' and "Before" Meredith can tell her she either wants her still or she doesn't.

"Before" Meredith could turn her away, or ask a God-million questions, or have a falling out with Cristina. Addison REALLY had to make sure that THAT one didn't happen. She swears she will.

She'll do everything; everything in her power, "After" all of this has to happen. "After" she tells Meredith the truth she would insist that it was all HER fault for Cristina keeping secrets.

She would insist that Meredith break up with only HER if she wanted to burn bridges if she wanted to let someone go that it had to be ADDISON to pay the price for her own actions.

In the "After" all of this stupid game ended - after it was all over… Addison realized, then, that it could be the ending of everything. And she was terrified but exhilarated. Because she could WIN everything, also.

Meredith is all she ever wanted in a lover, she realized. She's been someone she can rely on to drive her and to nurse her when she is drunk. Someone who feeds her and hydrates her.

Meredith has told her to eat less junk food in a non-judgemental and non-patronizing way in the past few weeks, now, even more than Addison's own mother ever has in her entire lifetime.

Meredith holds her and touches her and massages out her sore muscles and eases her broken body to feeling better again. Meredith is the reassuring hand on her shoulder. Meredith is there.

Meredith had her laughing until she was crying on some of the very worst days of her life. Meredith was there for her when she first left her husband; Meredith was there for her when she divorced him.

Meredith was the one to tell her she deserved better than Derek. Meredith was the one to hold her hand in the store when someone was hitting on her. Well, that was sort of Addison and her, also.

Meredith was youthful but also weary and wise. Meredith was the only person who could really understand the broken-bottle pieces that Derek had taken from her; she had the same scars.

At the same time, Meredith is watching Addison apply the cream down her long legs now. God those legs go on for miles and miles. Sure she always called Addison 'leggy and fabulous'.

But Meredith hadn't realized just HOW leggy Addison is until she could see her BARE legs exposed to the air and they were so perfect and strong and toned just like her abs.

Meredith thinks that Addison would be all she ever wanted in a lover. Someone strong and wiser than she is. Someone who knew about relationships that lasted longer than 3 months.

Meredith thinks that Addison would be someone she could touch and touch all she wanted and Addison would be as happy as a kitten to enjoy them. She wouldn't pull away or frown at her for that.

Meredith thinks that Addison could show her the whole world if she wanted to explore it. Addison probably knew literature and fine paintings and culture and fine wines and dining.

Normally these things bored Meredith but with Addison, she would do anything just to hear her talk with her. Addison was the only person who could really understand her; Post-Derek, that is.

Meredith is enjoying all of this in the "Before". She was enjoying the "Before" Addison opened her mixtape which she had dutifully placed in her desk drawer, without giving her the keys, yet.

Meredith is enjoying the "Before" Addison ever knew she had sent her drinks from a 'secret admirer' who just happened to be her, and no one else, but here, on that night.

Meredith is enjoying the "Before" Addison ever knew she'd been paged for HER patients, who she stayed for that night. "Before" Addison knew about the naughty dreams Meredith watched her have…

Meredith is enjoying this because the "After" sacred Meredith so much because "After" Meredith tells Addison the truth about all of those things Addison might run away from her for all the lies.

Meredith wants to remember now because "After" Addison gives her a final answer on the yes or no to going out on a dinner date, she might lose Addison forever, even as just a friend.

Meredith wants to remember this moment because "After" Addison tells Meredith the secret she's been hiding from her that's so damn important to her, she's scared to either LOSE or WIN Addison completely, and for forever, and always...

Addison can hear Meredith's breath catch when she finally half-turns around. She doesn't turn around enough so their eyes could ever meet, but Addison turns around just enough for Meredith.

She turned around enough that Meredith could have a clear view of her front, so she could see her full breasts head-on. So she could see every part of her, even the under-the-bikini parts.

Addison allows Meredith to gaze upon her now-actually-wet-center as she stands there still naked, running her fingertips covered in moisturizer over her arms and her shoulders.

Addison realizes she's turning herself on as she does this, and it causes her to redden deeply, and blush a bit at the thought. The whole thing should have made her blush anyhow, but still.

Now Addison realizes just how horny she is all a sudden. She hadn't felt so tense in the morning and she had no explanation for this. But she felt it come on stronger, now. Oh, boy.

Addison realizes she should speed up this process because she didn't want to break the charade, and she didn't want Meredith to end up 'waking up' for real and jumping her now.

Meredith hears her breath catch as she realizes she's gasped when Addison had turned all around. She holds her breath for a moment, closing her eyes until she can recover fully.

Then she opens her eyes again and sees Addison's breasts from the front. All-round and perky and they look like they could fit into her hands like a dream. Meredith ached to touch them…

She can see Addison's whole center exposed, hair trimmed, nice and neat and professional and she realizes with a devilish sort of thought that Addison is already wet again, even after her 'dream'.

Meredith grows hotter and hotter at the sight and her mouth waters as she sees Addison's whole body with her red hair cascading down it, past her shoulders down her strong back.

Addison could be a model, she thought. She could be a model, like in Japan or somewhere exotic like that. She could be a TV star. She could have her own goddamn TV show if she wanted.

If Addison wasn't so busy saving lives she could be a celebrity, and Meredith is somehow glad that she isn't, at least not the TV sort at least. Because if she was one, Meredith wouldn't stand a chance, she thinks to herself...

And then Meredith can see Addison speeding up to get going. She wonders if it's because Addison heard her and she feels like a slut, watching Addison in secret like this.

But then she realizes that Addison might have been letting her watch all on purpose, to test her to see if she really did want her back in a sexual way. And of COURSE, she did, but for Addie…

Meredith starts to realize that Addison might have been putting on a show just for her, and letting her pretend to be asleep, while knowing she's been pretending, and Addie's pretending…

And all of this 'pretend stuff' really was grinding on all of the nerves. The 'mystery lover' drama that Meredith ALSO had to come clean to Addison about, even though she had talked about it.

She needed to reassure Addison she wasn't going out with her only until this mystery person can back to sweep her off of her feet again. She needed to reassure Addison there was no one else.

She decides it was a good thing that Addison got the reassurance she needed by this little flirting game of theirs in the morning. There were much worse things to wake up to… of course.

And as Addison finally puts on her clothes and does her makeup all over again, Meredith wonders to herself just how much Addison is doing all of this just for HER.

Some stupid part of her brain is hoping for MORE rather than LESS. Meredith wants it to be all about her all the time. Wow, and she thought she was just a vapid narcissist when she is drunk…

And then, Meredith starts to wonder again if Addison would ever be jealous of this 'mystery person' who she seemed to bring up a whole lot. Why did Addison freak out at the store?

Some girl had asked for her number and she'd said no and it turned Addison into a blind rage at the situation. But here she talked about someone carrying her home, and Addison just nods…

Something was suspicious about that whole thing, but Meredith couldn't place a finger on it just yet in the morning. It is, after all, only before 5 in the morning and Meredith's alarm still has not gone off.

And Meredith sees Addison slip out into the darkness, leaving a waft of Brown Sugar And Spice in her wake. And she can see the corners of Addie's smile as she leaves and locks the door right behind her.

Meredith didn't come hard in her sleep like Addison did earlier, so she's completely a wreck right now. So Meredith waits for ages until she's sure Addison is gone, before working herself up.

It doesn't take much, she starts and then shuts her alarm off preemptively, knowing she won't fall back into sleep again. She keeps her eye on the clock, but knows she won't be long anyhow.

Meredith feels over her breasts and pinches her nipples right away. She thinks of how Addison's body looked and it makes her core clench and her tender parts swell with need and want and lust.

Meredith fantasizes about Addison all over again. This time she fantasizes about having sex with Addie at her hotel room. She fantasizes about taking her to her room - probably some penthouse suite…

Meredith imagines herself carrying Addison to the bed, then ripping all her clothes off, buttons flying and all. She imagines crawling on top of Addie and straddling her with her thighs.

As Meredith imagines this, she wants to get herself off in the same way Addie did. So she slides a spare pillow between her two knees and slides it up so she can feel it against her inner thighs.

Meredith rocks herself gently at first as she imagines pinning Addison's hands above her head. She imagines smiling at Addison as she does this, and Addison begging her to go on.

Meredith rocks herself more as she imagines Addison squeezing her hands so she'll start sucking on her collarbone and biting down on it with her teeth.

Meredith feels the pressure up against her clit as she imagines grinding herself down onto Addison's thigh, allowing her own wetness to permeate from herself then, to turn Addison on.

Meredith adds her hands to the mix, first with the pillow, pressing it into herself. And next in her fantasy, where she imagines Addison using her body weight to flip Meredith over as Meredith rolls onto her back.

Meredith then rubs the pillow into her harder, faster, stronger as she imagines releasing her hands from Addison's so she can plant them firmly in front of her, below Addison.

Meredith imagines Addison giving her a nod before sinking herself down onto Meredith's fingers. She imagines Addison fucking herself to her own rhythm as Meredith fucks her right back...

Meredith squeezes the pillow to her inner thighs as she edges herself closer and imagines Addison edging herself closer and closer as Meredith adds in a third finger to her, now.

Meredith squeezes herself better, in a better spot as she imagines herself striking Addison's G-Spot on purpose to make her howl out for her as she strokes with lightning precision.

Meredith clenches the pillow tight to her as she rocks herself harder and harder as she imagines screwing Addison harder and harder as she presses her thumb to her clit and devours her exposed skin.

Meredith rubs the pillow as she dry-humps it simultaneously as she imagines Addison starting to moan out her name as she had in her sleep just that previous night, "Meredith, Meredith…"

Meredith starts to feel herself right on the edge as she imagines it's Addison on the edge. She imagines it's Addison who is pulsing and starting to have her walls tighten around Meredith's hand.

Meredith finally feels herself coming undone as she imagines Addison climaxing over her fingers, wetness gushing out onto her hand. Meredith licks her own fingers, now, all while imagining it's Addison, who is doing the very same for her.

Addison DOESN'T walk-in during Meredith screwing herself with a pillow, (thankfully, for Meredith's sake, because she has no idea how she would ever explain how she'd gotten this idea…)

Addison, instead, walks directly to the patient's room. Well, she sort of walks directly but actually she walks directly rather slowly because she's still flushed and blushing.

Addison doesn't want to look completely disheveled and a complete hot mess in front of her patients. So she splashes cold water on her face and reapplies her lipstick again.

Addison realizes that it's a replica of the lipstick she had gifted to Meredith and this distracts her all over again so instead she tries a one-minute-meditation app she downloads for her phone.

Addison finally manages to calm herself down enough into looking semi-normal and she scripts some white lie for herself to tell her patients so they don't think she's such a filthy whore…

Addison, of course, has no idea that her patient's parents wouldn't be able to judge her for her semi-sketchy on-call room activities, given the hypocrisy that this would entail for them.

Addison, therefore, blames her patient's ignorance of her post-orgasmic-pre-orgasmic-something-of-a-state on 'the heating in here'; their own excuse for last night.

Addison, therefore, goes to check on the babies X and Y again, this time, ensuring she's wearing an additional disposable gown before going anywhere near the babies.

Addison declares them in a fit state for operating, so she books the O.R. and tells the nurse to request the doctor who was on-call for them last night to check in for one last consultation.

Addison watches as the nurse pages Meredith, without telling Addison it's Meredith, because the nurse, of course, thought that she already knew that it was Doctor Grey on-call anyhow.

Addison is talking with the parents of her patients and she talks with them about her love life and about having a secret admirer, and the patients try hard not to give it all away, for Grey's sake.

Addison sees them looking between them as she talks about this, as she answers their questions about her 'recent taste in music' with a question, waiting for the on-call doctor to arrive.

"Shit," Meredith swears when she finally gets a page for none other than Addison's patients.

('She's totally going to see how flushed I am on my face'. God, will she know that I just came, as in CAME, as in orgasmed while thinking of HER orgasming and stripping for me?!)

Meredith pulls the sheets from her bed and she places them in the laundry bin outside the alongside her pillow.

She doesn't want to leave it for some poor doctor or who knows who else to wander in and sleep on, or worse.

Meredith's eyes widen at the bed Addison had been on, and she realizes Addison didn't even know to do the same with hers.

So Meredith strips 'Addison's Bed' and tosses the sheets and that pillow into the laundry as well. (What am I ever gonna tell her if she asks)...Meredith wonders...

Meredith wanders to Addison's patient's room, eventually. After a bit of a walk to calm down her nerves and her racing heart (and schoolgirl crush as hot-for-teacher-Mer makes its reappearance.)

Meredith can see Addison talking very professionally with the parents before she steps into Addison's eye line.

She looks her up and down, loving it, loving the outfit and the makeup- And the perfect freaking outfit and hairdo and shoes and the whole freaking thing.

Meredith is also thinking she likes Addison so much better when she's naked in front of her...

When Meredith finally walks into the patient room, right on time for rounds, she can't help smirking widely at Addison to let her know she'd been right about Meredith having been awake.

And Addison can't help but smirk back at her in a similar way, to let her know that she knew Meredith had been watching her and that she had been putting on a show for her benefit.

"Did you sleep well, Doctor Montgomery?" Meredith asks Addison, rather 'innocently'.

"I did, why thank-you for asking, Doctor Grey," Addison says to her, very formally.

"Did you sleep well yourself, Doctor Grey?" Addison asks Meredith right back with the same.

"Like you wouldn't BELIEVE, Doctor Montgomery," Meredith says with a wink to Addison.

"Well, I slept well, like you wouldn't BELIEVE, either, Doctor Grey," Addison says with a genuine smile to Meredith.

And Addison couldn't quite place exactly why Meredith was suddenly winking at her after that.

But she liked it.

She really liked it.

She liked it, a whole heck of a lot.

And then, it dawns on Addison, that Meredith had run off last night because she'd been on-call for HER patients, and that she hadn't even explained that, she'd been the one who had stayed.

And now she knows Grey didn't run off for no reason. She remembers Bailey having said something about someone owing a favor and being willing and enthusiastic about repaying it.

Addison Montgomery wonders what Bailey even knows about this whole thing, but decides it doesn't matter because she'll be telling Grey anyways. She will tell Meredith Grey everything, as soon as the two have an evening alone together. Perhaps at Vietnamese. That would be nice.

***** END OF CHAPTER 35

Author's Note 2:

Here's another shorter, fluffier chapter to have and to hold before part 2 of the crux of the main drama begins. I really do like this sexier, devilish flirty side of things. Sexual tension, situational irony… And we got to see a naked Addison this time!

(Well, Meredith did, I mean, that's sort of the point though, right…?) And we got more clear insights into what the character's reasonings are about the possibility of a real 'more than friendship' relationship could ever be. Plus, there were some not so bitter realizations hidden here...

Yes, of course, there is more coming soon. The nitty-gritty of action IS about to happen if you hadn't sensed that anyhow; I'll tell you that, at least. I hope you'll stick around, but like I said I won't hold it against you if you give up now and never come back to this. (Your loss… & Mine…)

But if you've been reading this closely enough, you'll have noticed by the way this has been written that a lot has already been given away for quite a few chapters now… I know that's cryptic but work with that what you will.

Have a good one friends, and I'd love to hear what you thought about this experimental chapter!

Also, let me know if you liked the formatting here, it was all 6 sentence blocks of 2 lines each. I've done this before with "Peace of my Heart" and it ended up happening again.

Allusions to other really amazing things, and easter eggs if you noticed them first:

(Fanfictions; this time on Ao3, that I've directly referenced on purpose, encourage reading these because they are CLASSICS for Addison F/F fanfiction - don't wanna miss out :)

The Beauty of Rationalization, by AFey

Milk & Marble by anonymous_sibyl

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D

Much love, bobbiejelly