With Harry's birthday just days away, she knew that she needed to perk up for his party. Ginny always went to extra lengths to make it special. That's what Hermione craved. Someone who thought about her first. Always. Malfoy had done that, to an extent, but in the end, he broke her heart.
She returned to work on the Friday, determined to let him go. She attended the inter-departmental meeting and avoided looking at him at all costs, but she could feel his penetrating stare on her the whole time. She left before the meeting was over, ensuring she would be out of the meeting room and in her own office before anyone else. She asked Hilary not to allow anyone to disturb her, and like clockwork, Hilary entered her office to let her know that Draco Malfoy requested a meeting.
She refused, telling Hilary that she was far too busy for last minute meetings and to offer Malfoy the opportunity to put what he needed to discuss with her into a memo and send it the usual way. The encounter was brutal. She barely held it together. As soon as Hilary left and shut the door behind her, Hermione had warded it, silenced it and sobbed in her back room till it was time to leave.
Before she left, Hilary gave Hermione a pile of memos that had arrived and she sifted through them all in her office before she left. Indeed, Malfoy had sent one to her. She could tell by the familiar neat handwriting. Part of her wanted to burn it on the spot. Do away with it and not have to read what it was he had to say for himself. But another part of her, a much larger part was desperate to read it. She opened it whilst standing in the middle of her office, bag on shoulder, ready to leave.
Granger,
I don't know if you've received any of my texts, but I have been desperate to get in touch with you. You've been avoiding me at work and couldn't even look at me in the meeting today. You look so downtrodden and I hate that I caused it. I wont even dignify anything I've done with an excuse. You wouldn't have it anyway.
Please accept my apologies and understand that I still am so in love with you.
Yours always,
Draco Malfoy
She read the letter twice over before ripping it to shreds. How dare he? How could he write to her and end it with 'yours always'? He wasn't hers. He never was. Never would be. As for him being in love with her still, that was a load of garbage. He loved his wife. It was plain to see now. Everything he had probably ever said to her about Astoria was most likely a lie.
She went home to prepare for Harrys birthday. She would finally allow herself to have a good night. To let her hair down and be young and carefree. She would not worry about what was, or never was, or never would be with Malfoy. She would med her broken heart by surrounding herself with friends and family.
***
The idea was all well and good, however, when Hermione was onto her 5th drink and the party was in full swing around her, she felt rotten. It was like she was standing in the middle of a world where everyone was having fun, and she was just unable to feel joy.
She made her way to the balcony of the lush ballroom that Ginny had hired and looked out to the street below. Footsteps from behind, brought her out of her reverie and into the moment.
Ron and Harry stood behind her, their faces filled with worry.
"We're worried about you Hermione" Harry said.
"There's no need, I'm fine" she replied.
"You're not fine. You've been weird for weeks" Ron said.
Hermione just stood there, facing her two best friends. Ron hadn't ever looked more like his 14 year old self than he did in this moment. How dare they accost her like this and accuse her of… of what? Of not being ok? If they really were worried, they'd do this at a more convenient time.
"You know what? You have no idea what I'm going through. No idea how hard my fucking life has become. You have no idea. No fucking idea!" she screamed, and sparks fired from the ends of her hair.
"Hermione…" Ron soothed. She suppressed a laugh. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I promise, I'll try harder. I didn't know. I'm sorry" he said having pulled her into a hug. She just stood there, allowing him to apologise, for what? She didn't know. What did he think she was talking about? Their relationship? If that's what it had become, then she'd take it. Perhaps if anyone asked, her relationship was a mess and that was what was causing her quarter life crisis.
Ron took her home where he laid beside her in their bed and stroked her hair while she cried. She didn't really know what she cried for, who she was crying for, but having someone recognise her tears and validate her feelings was all she could hope for.
The next few weeks went by slowly at first. Hermione was gradually getting back to normal, feeling better and having success at work. She had taken on a project to fill her time and it was going great. Things with Ron were back to normal, but she was ok with that. He now knew the depth of emotion she was capable of, and according to him, it was all about their life together. He was capable of short-term change, but the idea of him changing his ways for good was just too far-fetched. She would settle for snippets.
The more ok she felt after finally accepting that the romance between herself and Malfoy was over, the more she craved his friendship. Putting aside the sex and the declarations of love, she had actually developed a great friendship with Malfoy, and the more positive she felt, the more she wanted to text him, to talk to him. To regain their friendship.
Knowing how stupid it was and how badly it could open such recent wounds, she sat at her desk and texted Malfoy.
HG – Hey
DM – Good morning
HG – I miss you
DM – I miss you too Granger.
HG – As friends
DM – Of course
HG – Can we be friends?
DM – Of course
They spent the day texting back and forth, talking about their day. It felt good. It felt right. Perhaps, she thought, Malfoy was just supposed to be in her life? Maybe not in a romantic way, but maybe he was just destined to be her friend?
Or was this a case of 'We want the things in life that hurt us the most, because make us feel something'? Afterall, feeling was something she had certainly lacked lately. It had been just over a month since she had quit him, and she felt that it was enough time to recover from their romance and start trying to be friends.
The entire week went by with Hermione texting back and forth with Malfoy. It was like old times, but without the sexual innuendo in every second word. Her heart was mending.