Thanks to anyone who has checked back to read the Alpha Station ficlets. Promise to Promise follows the ficlet "Ask of Me" (also just posted) but could be read previously to it without much confusion. It will probably be the last post-epilogue ficlet as I think I have taken it as far as I can. If something should strike me or I find something such as an unused/deleted Alpha Station scene that I feel could be enjoyable I might work something around that if the mood should ever strike again. If not I thank everyone for their time and their dedication to sticking with this story.
As always feedback and reviews are encouraged and welcome.
Best wishes!
LLA
Promise to Promise
"Bill," Ellen called with a soft uncertainty, so foreign to her usual timbre.
As he pulled the bedroom door shut behind himself with a familiar click he looked up to see her watching him; her eyes filled with an urgent expectancy.
Even in the dim hallway he could see the fretful furrow of her brow. He smiled at her, an attempt to assuage her worries as quickly as he could.
Bill walked down the hallway to meet her, not wanting to speak in front of the door for fear of disturbing Laura's rest.
"Hey," he greeted as he leaned in and gave Ellen a kiss on the cheek. It had been nearly two days since he'd left for Alpha Station following Laura's urgent call. "Where were you? When we came in it looked like no one was home."
"How is she?" Ellen asked, ignoring both his question and his greeting.
Bill let out a relenting sigh.
"She's fine," he answered, accepting that Ellen could focus on nothing else at the moment. "She's just resting. It was a long day."
Ellen's already reddened eyes immediately filled to the brim. She blinked and heavy quiet droplets began to spill past her lashes.
"Elle," Bill sighed as he took her hand and pulled her into a comforting hug. "She's fine. I told you earlier, about five times over. They got it all. It was very early. It's gone. She's going to be fine."
As he spoke Ellen's tears ran hotter and she buried her face into his shoulder. He squeezed her in his arms.
"It's alright, Elle," he told her as she shook within his supportive embrace.
She nodded into him trying to accept his solid guarantee.
Regardless of their earlier calls hearing Bill say it in person gave Ellen the reassurance that she'd been desperately waiting for. She couldn't help but sob with relief, letting out what had built up over two days of tormenting herself with thoughts of 'what if?'
"Everything's okay. She's just tired," Bill began to explain. "Tawney said there isn't any reason to worry. Laura's going to go back to getting regular exams like always. That's what they're for; to catch it early enough so they can stop it before it has a chance to organize. And that's what they just did."
He stepped back to take a look at her but took her hands into his and gave them a gentle squeeze.
He knew that Ellen understood the medical reasoning, no doubt far better than he did, scientifically speaking. He meant to comfort her, to drill it in and no doubt to remind himself in turn.
Over the past two days Laura had been as solid as a rock. Unsurprising of a woman who had once led an entire society through the galaxy to a new home while fighting a losing battle for her own life.
After meeting Tawny on Alpha for her usual bi-monthly scans Laura had gone through getting the news that they had found something, calling Bill to come meet her on the station and then enduring a full treatment and eradication procedure all in under forty-eight hours.
She'd stayed so strong, so optimistic and composed. She was fascinated that what would have taken months or years in her past lifetime with no guarantee of success had just taken mere hours leaving her with a clean bill of health. She'd been so brave and for once, she was a model patient. In turn her example had helped Bill to remain encouraged and reassured that this time everything was going to be fine.
It had been Ellen who had struggled not to fall apart from afar; bombarding Bill with nervous messages the entire time he and Laura were gone. It was Ellen who had cried every time he'd called to give the family back down on Earth an update. She knew more about the process and successes of early cancer treatments than any of them did and yet the news had shaken her deeply. No amount of consoling from Saul or Sam or had helped. She'd been beside herself, too anxious to even drink away her worry.
"She's fine, Ellen," Bill pledged once again. "She's better than fine. She's healthy. She'll be down for breakfast in the morning," he said with a wink and an attempt at a knowing smile. "Tawny and the other docs just want her to sleep off the rest of the sedatives and painkillers that are still in her system."
Laura had undergone a laser treatment to eliminate the small cluster of cancerous cells that were found to be attempting to form a tumor in her left breast. After the procedure she'd endured a twelve hour intravenous treatment meant to eliminate anything that could have possibly been left behind or spread beyond the cluster. Though the treatment was rough on her body causing chills, muscle cramping, nausea and dizziness Laura had calmly persevered hour after hour, just grateful that unlike the colonial doloxan treatments in her past, she wouldn't have to return anytime soon. She took measured breaths and closed her eyes as she listened to Bill read to her, just as he had back in Life Station on Galactica. He read her a few chapters of a fiction novel he'd recently been enjoying and he read her articles about some new towns being developed within their sector. He even read to her from Katya's journal, something they seemed to do together less and less as time went on. When Laura's vision was clear enough Bill sat with her on her ward bed and they adoringly looked at dozens of photos and videos of Sasha knowing that the sight of her smile was enough to get them through anything.
Laura slept hard once the IV was removed. When they were sure that her body was tolerating the treatment well and her vitals remained steady through the afternoon she was given another scan. They found nothing of concern left within her body. With a clean assessment and just a bit of soreness and grogginess to recover from she was discharged from Alpha's Women's Ward to rest at home in her own bed.
"I want to see her," Ellen sniffed as she looked past Bill toward the door where Laura rested on the other side.
"You'll see her first thing in the morning. I bet you she'll be down and cooking before any of us roll our lazy asses out of bed just to prove that she's perfectly fine. Which she is. She just needs her rest right now. And so do you from the looks of it. No offence," he tried to tease, then grimaced thinking better of his crass remark.
"I couldn't sleep last night," she told him, as if her distressed midnight messages hadn't already clued him in.
"Yeah," Bill sighed. "Me either. So where is everyone?"
"Playroom in the basement," Ellen answered as she fidgeted with her chewed manicure, looking as if she couldn't wait to be done with their small talk and get to where she really wanted to be.
"What are they up to?" Bill inquired further, sensing exactly what her goal was in spite of his instruction.
He almost chuckled as she bit at her lip in frustration before answering.
"Sam and Saul are teaching the kids to play Triad. Sam had a deck printed up the other day and brought it to show them. I had a headache. They got too loud playing in the kitchen. I yelled at them to quiet down...I didn't mean to yell," She confessed as her shoulders dropped with regret.
"It's alright, Elle. It's been a long few days."
"Anyway, Saul and Sam took them down to the basement to use the card table. I went to lay down in the guest room. I guess I didn't hear the shuttle drop you off," she went on, seeming to lack interest in her own explanation as she stared down the hallway.
Bill laughed at the thought of the kids playing the ancient Colonial card game.
"Just what we need. Gambling five year olds."
"Hmm?" Ellen hummed, still too distracted to register his humor.
"Nothing," He dismissed with a shake of his head. "Any dinner left?"
"Yeah, I left some out on the warmer," she answered, folding her arms in front of herself.
"Thanks."
"I didn't cook. Sam did."
"Double thanks."
"Huh?"
"Never mind," Bill smirked as he moved past where she stood. "I'm gonna head down to the basement and say hello before I eat."
He'd missed Sasha so much while he was away. He wanted more than anything to hug her tight and tell her that her mother was perfectly fine and waiting upstairs to kiss her goodnight.
"Ellen," Bill called back as he started to make his way to the stairs.
She said nothing, but turned to acknowledge him.
"Let her sleep."
"I will," She replied blankly .
"She's okay. We're all okay."
Ellen gave him a single nod and then watched him descend down the staircase.
Bill left knowing good and well that Ellen would be opening the bedroom door as soon as his footfalls were out of earshot.
Just as he'd predicted Ellen made her way to the door. She paused as her fingertips hit the cool doorknob.
Her eyes shut tight and she clenched her teeth.
"It isn't fair!" She heard the echoing declaration of a voice from years before.
"Shh! Stop shouting, Katya. This is a laboratory not a boxing ring," she heard herself reply. "Have some damn respect. Do you want to lose your apprenticeship?"
"Yeah right, I'm so sure you'd let that happen," Katya mocked in return with a cynical roll of her eyes. "As if anyone around here can get away with anything without your say so."
"Would you behave yourself, please?" Ellen had scolded, glancing beyond where they stood by the stasis chambers to see if they'd disturbed any lingering lab staff working after hours.
"You're not listening to me, Aunt Ellen."
"I am. I'm trying to tell you not to worry, kitten. It'll be fine. You'll get used to it."
Katya didn't want to get used to it. That was the whole point.
Laura and Bill had always appeared to her in stasis as young adults, just as they'd been when she was born. She'd never seen the inhabitants of the lab's stasis chambers any other way.
"Why now?"
"Because it's time, honey," Ellen insisted.
"Why not just wait until everything is ready?"
"Because, I think I'm getting close. And it's best if artificial aging is done slowly a little at a time. I'll do a little now and a little more right before the time comes to extract them. Whenever that may be."
"Close? How close?" Katya interrogated with a distrusting glare. "Weeks? Months? Years? You've been close to figuring out their resurrection for decades! No one knows that that means! That's why I'm here!"
Ellen flinched at the accusation. It hurt. Not because it implied that she'd so far failed in her task, but because of the resentment that it was laced with, as if Katya was personally angry with her for not figuring it all out soon enough to prevent her very existence. If there was one thing that cut at Ellen's heart it was hearing her beloved little girl imply that she shouldn't have been born. It was depressing how often it actually happened.
"I can't say exactly how long," Ellen admitted, arms crossed and rocking back on her heels.
"Well then how the hell do you know you're close?" the angry teen snapped.
"Katya," Ellen reprimanded. "Knock it off. There are still a few staff members working around here somewhere."
"I don't really give a shit," the girl returned with a caustic dismissal.
"Stop it. You're fifteen. You don't get to talk to me like that!"
"This is stupid."
"Its not stupid, Kat," Ellen rebutted yet again, annoyed with herself for even responding to Katya's childish arguments.
She'd taken her to the lab after dinner specifically to inform her of the Project's intention to start the aging process on three of the six remaining bodies. Ellen had been dreading the conversation, paranoid that any disruption of the troubled adolecent's disposition might send her spiraling. After an emotionally tumultuous year things in the Tigh household had just begun to improve and stabilize. Though she hated to jeopardize it all Ellen knew that preparing Katya for the coming changes was necessary. Springing it on her abruptly or letting her learn of it from the lab staff would be far worse.
"You know how much work I've put into this, how much time. Do you think I would do something that I felt was stupid? C'mon, kit. Give me a little more credit and respect than that. Please."
Katya cracked at her knuckles, a subconscious effort to relieve the tensions astricting her from within.
With no way to reply without diminishing Ellen's devotion and sacrifice her frustration grew and she was forced to change tactics.
"There is no physical benefit. Why is it so damn important?"
Ellen placed a palm to her forehead and sighed, mentally preparing to recite the same explanation she'd already given twice over.
"Resurrection is going to be hard enough on them, Kat," she remarked as she looked over toward the two bodies floating lifeless within the stasis chambers. They looked so perfect, nearly untouched. They hardly looked real. Like butterfly specimens preserved in poured resin. "They are going to come into a world they don't know, a time they don't understand. It may cause them some temporary psychological distress. The least we can do is let them see a familiar face the first time they look in the mirror, let them start where they left off, at least physically."
Katya stewed in place, her mind scrambling to combat the infuriatingly pragmatic justification.
"And what about Karl Agathon?" She challenged, knowing they had no such plans for the man.
"That's a different situation," Ellen conceded and for a split second Katya's brow rose as if she had somehow gained the upper hand. "The only thing I can do is to age him to the point where I last saw him. Even if he lived a long life after that, it'll be easier for him than the others. Sharon wouldn't have aged with him. Better to have the two of them in similar standings. If Baltar and Caprica had survived I'd be doing the same with them. We have to weigh the benefits against the risks when it comes to each case."
The decision was a complicated one. Ellen was only grateful that she didn't have to make the same choice for Athena or D'anna.
"But as far as, Sam, Laura and Bill go," she continued as confidently as she could manage with Katya glaring at her, "I know just about where their last lives ended. I won't add to the shock of bringing them back by letting them wake up looking practically like teenagers. Uncle Saul agrees with me. As do Dr. Le Blanc, Dr. Xao, the EOC and the team of Orbit psychologists we've consulted with."
Katya swallowed down the anger that was crackling inside of her ears. She walked a few paces closer to the stasis chambers where her birth mother floated within the suspension fluid.
Realistically she understood that it was a done deal. She could do nothing to stop what the Project's leaders had planned, but she'd be damned if she wouldn't argue like hell and tear apart their limited sight.
"How will you even know when to stop?" She asked at a lower but no less combative tone.
"I have a good memory," Ellen attempted to lightheartedly reassure her, meeting Katya at her back and resting her hands on her shoulders.
"She was already sick," Katya countered, shrugging Ellen's hands off. "When you last saw her she was dying. How can you judge what she would have looked like if she were healthy?"
With her hands tersely displaced Ellen frowned and folded them in front of herself.
"You're right, baby. You are. I'm going to get Laura as close as she was to the day I met her."
"She was already sick when you met her," Katya spat.
Ellen flinched at the flare of anger.
"Kat, I'm going to try my best. Please trust me. Why is this bothering you so much?"
Katya whipped around to face Ellen with a look of sudden fear brewing in the angry cobalt depths of her eyes.
"She was sick!" Katya snapped again. "She'll get sick. You're running her body's clock out before she's even in it. That's not fair!"
Ellen's jaw went slightly slack. For a moment she didn't know how to respond.
"Are you coming in or not?" Laura called from behind the door.
Ellen jumped at the other woman's voice, suddenly pulled out of the cold station lab and back into the present setting of her warm home on Earth.
She composed herself as best as she could and hurriedly pushed the door open.
"Were you just going to stand out there listening to me breathe?" Laura greeted with a wry smile from where she lay in bed.
Ellen momentarily froze, taking Laura's image in. She looked well. Tired, but well. Her skin was bright and her hair as thick and shiny as always. Ellen felt another wave of relief wash over her. She hadn't realized how afraid she'd been to see some physical signs of what Laura had endured while away.
"I didn't know if you were sleeping," she finally spoke. "Bill said not to bother you, but…"
"C'mere," Laura said as she held her hand out to be taken.
Closing the door quietly behind herself Ellen made her way in. In a few quick paces she was by Laura's side and clasping the woman's extended hand between both of her palms. She'd hadn't taken her hand in weeks. Not since before Tawny's party.
Ellen bent at her knees by the bedside and gently put Laura's knuckles to her lips. Her hand was warm and alive and it made Ellen's eyes surge with grateful tears once again.
Her throat closed up making it painful to breathe in.
"It's alright, Elle," Laura softly assured her. "It's fine. I'm fine."
"I know," Ellen sniffed, squeezing Laura's hand and lowering it from her lips. The comfort of her familiar hands always felt like home to Ellen. At first it had just been because they looked and felt so similar to Katya's, but over time she had come to associate them with the compassion and support that had become her new constant. She'd missed it, regretting the recent strange distance that had developed between them. "I know that. I just…One minute you were only out for a check up and the next…"
Laura's brow creased as she witnessed Ellen's distressed state. She'd known the whole time what condition she would most likely be in, but actually seeing her reaction in person was different.
"We've always known that they would probably find something one of these days," Laura said with a shrug, trying her best to minimize the event. "To be honest, I'm a bit shocked it took this long."
Ellen winced at the remark, her stomach turning with hidden guilt.
"I...I know, but..."
"It hardly had time to organize," Laura went on, intentionally cutting Ellen off. She'd been doing the same to Bill for two days, hoping that if she spoke rationally enough and in an optimistic enough fashion that it would keep his fears at bay. "It was in such an early stage of growth. I couldn't feel it. That's what the scanner is for. It lit up, they located the cells and I was given treatment and a procedure within a matter of hours. And now it's gone. It's actually quite amazing to live in a world where that's possible."
Ellen gave a half-hearted nod.
"I still hate it," she said in only a whisper of her usually bright and boistrus voice.
"Me too," Laura agreed with a hum and a dark chuckle. "So where's my baby girl?" She asked, eager to change their focus.
The simple question echoed through Ellen's ears.
"She's uh...um she…"
"You're forcing a life on her that she'll have to fight for from the begining. How is that in any way okay?" Katya's voice rang through the lab, uncaring of who heard. It was far from the first tantrum she'd thrown there.
"Honey, is that what's scaring you?" Ellen asked, reaching out for Katya's arm again, this time taking a firm grip and forcing the girl to turn and look her in the eye. "You think she's going to develop cancer?"
"No! I know that she will. If not immediately then eventually. She's got the same fucked up gene that I do. I've seen her probability estimator. It's over eighty percent. You put her at the age she developed it last time and it's going to happen again."
Ellen frowned. She finally understood.
It wasn't that the idea hadn't crossed her mind. She just hadn't considered that Katya might be fixating on it so heavily. She felt foolish for not addressing it sooner. The topic of Laura's health had always caused Katya a level of distress, even before she was old enough to understand that she'd unfortunatly inherited the genetic predisposition. As a child when Saul told her stories about her birthmother she'd always loathed hearing about the woman's illness.
"That's not necessarily true, kitten," Ellen attempted.
"Whatever," Katya muttered in pouting dismissal.
"It's not, Kat. Listen; firstly, none of them can develop cancers within the stasis chamber. It wont allow their cells to mutate let alone multiply out of control."
"Big deal. So her body is only safe while she's in here," Katya said, turning back to Laura's chamber and dragging a finger across the cold glass.
"Secondly," Ellen continued, "it's more than just genetics that figure into someone's likelihood of developing cancer, be they genetically predisposed or not," she went on as practically as possible. "Often it takes a catalyst to cause those cells to begin to mutate and multiply. Outside factors, unhealthy habits, radiation or toxins. These bodies are pristine. They haven't suffered the exposures that their old bodies did," she finished.
Ellen had meant to assuage some of Katya's worries, she'd meant to calm her down and ease her fears, but when she saw the girl's shoulders stiffly rise she knew without having to see the expression on her face that she'd just said something to make things even worse.
"Pristine," Katya repeated as if the word were poisonous.
"Yes," Ellen asserted, waiting for whatever backlash was coming."
"Ellen?" Laura frowned. "You okay?"
Ellen blinked hard and shook the haze from her head.
"Yeah. I'm- fine. What did you say?"
Laura's brow creased. Ellen seemed so tired and distracted, far worse off than she even felt herself.
"Sasha? I asked where she is."
"Oh. Right. Sorry," Ellen fumbled. "The kids are in the basement playing cards with Saul and Sam. Bill just went down to see them. I'll bring her up before she goes to bed."
Laura nodded in thanks.
"When did Sam get here?"
"Last night. He said he was going to work on the cradle with Saul this morning, but he just played with the twins all day. He was actually a nice distraction for them."
After Tawny had called Sam to let him know why she wouldn't be returning home as planned he'd left their apartment in town and made his way to the Tighs, figuring Saul and Ellen could use his help with the kids.
"So...what did you tell Sasha?" Laura asked, a bit wary of hearing the answer.
Though Bill had called down to check in with the family quite a few times over the course of the stay on Alpha their availability between Laura's treatments had not lined up well with being able to speak to their little girl. It had been almost two full days since Laura had seen or spoken to Sasha. It was the longest she'd ever been separated from the child. It had truly been the hardest part for her.
"I didn't tell her anything," Ellen admitted as her eyes suddenly welled again. "I couldn't, Laura. I'm sorry. I know that I should have, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want her to see that I was upset."
"Did she ask?"
Ellen bit her lip and nodded.
"Saul handled it. He told her that you had to sleep over on Alpha because you needed special medicine. She asked if that meant you were sick. Saul said, no. He said the medicine was so you didn't get sick later. He told her that everything was fine and he promised that you would be back in a day."
Laura nodded, decidedly pleased with Saul's tailored explanation to the kindergartener. Lords knew he had years of experience coming up with many a difficult explanation for Katya.
"How did she respond?"
"She seemed to understand in her own way," Ellen considered. "I think she was a little worried, but she didn't ask many more questions. At bedtime she was a bit upset that you weren't home to tuck her in. Saul had me come in here to get some of your perfume. He sprayed it under her pillow so it smelled like you were close. He used to do it for Kat when I would have to work overnight on the basestar," she explained, as Laura smiled at the sweet gesture. "I think it helped, but I wound up staying with her all night anyway."
Laura's eyes widened despite her fatigue.
"She was up all night?"
"No," Ellen corrected. "I was. I needed her a lot more than she needed me."
Laura's expression grew pained. It hurt to think that her daughter had been even the slightest bit worried, and it killed her knowing just how distraught her health scare had made Ellen.
She absolutely hated that she'd caused anyone unrest, but even so, she couldn't help but be comforted knowing that Sasha felt so safe and loved with the Tighs in her absence. Laura found solace with the assurance that her daughter would have all that she needed even if one day the worst did happen. Saul and Ellen had raised her child before and if they had to they would help Bill do it again.
"I'm back now," she stated with a half smile.
Ellen nodded and sniffed back the vexing tears that she'd been failing to abate for days.
"So how was it?" she asked as she palmed Laura's hand again. "Are you in pain?"
"No. Not really. A little soreness from the laser treatment, but nothing I can't handle. Especially after nursing Sasha through teething," Laura mused.
Ellen winced and finally cracked a bit of a smile.
"She sure was a biter," She remarked, causing Laura to chuckle at the memory.
"It was the IV they had me on that was the worst part. It was a lot like the day after a round of Diloxin. Some chills, nausea, bad headache. But it was over so quickly. And now I'm home."
"Now you're home," Ellen repeated.
"Feels good."
Ellen nodded and took in a long even breath. It was becoming easier to do the longer she sat by Laura's side.
"How's Tawny?" She asked, finally ready to venture slightly off topic.
"Getting bigger by the day," Laura reported with a grin. "She wanted to spend some time with her father so she stayed the night instead of taking the shuttle back with Bill and I."
"Sam mentioned that. He's staying the night here again tonight since she's gone anyway. He and Saul claim they'll finish the cradle in the morning. If they don't get distracted again, that is."
Laura shook her head and smirked.
"The two of them have been working on that tiny cradle for weeks. Didn't they each help you to create eight unique humanoid biological machines and thousands of copies? Why is one tiny little crib such a challenge for them?"
"Well for one thing we didn't have any beer around back then," Ellen said with a wink.
"That makes sense," Laura laughed.
"Plus back then I had Tori to keep everyone on schedule."
"Aha! Well that explains it. There sure weren't any allowances for going off schedule with Tori around," Laura recalled.
"Exactly. That's why I hired her in the first place."
"Me too," Laura mused. "Anyway, I don't know why they're insisting on building a crib. We have two perfectly fine and stabley printed cradles going unused in the attic."
Ellen rolled her eyes and shrugged.
"We ordered those back on Alpha. They have the space and the tools now to make one with their own bare hands. Makes them feel manly."
"Well we can keep one here for when we babysit, but we better have the other ready for Tawny if the two manly men take any longer with their project."
"That's probably a good idea," Ellen agreed.
"I wonder, now that Xao will have a grandchild of his own, maybe he'll reconsider coming planetside," Laura posed.
"Mmm maybe, but I doubt it knowing him. Then again, kids do change things in ways you never dream of. It'll be so nice to have a baby around again," Ellen said for about the hundredth time since they'd learned the couple was expecting.
"Sasha and Liam sure are excited," Laura deflected somewhat deliberately.
Ellen was quiet for a moment as her eyes lost focus and she stared into nothing.
"I miss when they were tiny," she whispered.
"It was such a hard time, Ellen," Laura said with a sigh.
"It was, but it was priceless. Every moment of it," Ellen wistfully remembered. "We did okay. You and me. We figured it out. We made it through."
Laura nodded. She couldn't deny that much.
"You're right, Elle. We did."
For a moment there was a silence filled with memories of the not so distant past.
"Are you still mad at me?" Ellen bluntly tested. "About...after Tawny's party?"
Almost three weeks had gone by with no mention of the heated capricious exchange. A minimal lingering tension had remained between the two women, but no acknowledgment of it was made. They did their best to keep it from being obvious, but there was no doubt that something had changed between them. They evaded any questions from their husbands when they asked what was wrong, both of them hoping it would all dissipate and that things would return to normal on their own.
"I was never really angry with you, Ellen," Laura shrugged. "I was...I was upset, I guess. I hope you're not still angry at me. I understand though, if you are."
Ellen shook her head.
"I'm not," She insisted. "I guess I'm just still a little...sad and disappointed, but that's not your fault. It's a sadness that's been with me for lifetimes. I don't know why I thought…" Ellen trailed off, deciding that it was all better left in the past; another minor stumble along the path they shared. "Anyway, you were right. And I should never have put you in that position. I can admit that now. Even though it hurts. After the last few days I know for sure that I want this family to stay just as it is. And I know that everything I need to get through the rest of this lifetime safely and happily is already with me under this roof."
Laura smiled through a slight pang of guilt, as she saw the poorly masked hurt behind Ellen's well intentioned claim.
"I couldn't agree more," she told her with a nod, knowing that they would probably never speak of any of it ever again.
Another comfortable silence settled between them as they each sat in thought.
"Laura?" Ellen eventually spoke up, regaining focus and looking the other woman dead in the eye.
"Hm?"
"Laura, you can't leave me," Ellen announced, as if it were some kind of sudden decree. "Ever."
"What are you-"
"Please, you have to promise me," Ellen implored as she closed her eyes tightly trying like hell not to allow her tears or the voice haunting her memory to return.
"Pristine?" Katya's shouting echoed in her ears again.
"So fifteen years ago when her body was pumped with a half dozen artificial hormones and chemicals meant to mature, extract and steal her ova, get her pregnant and then forcefully induce premature childbirth, none of that stuff could be considered an outside catalyst? Artificial hormones, Aunt Ellen? I'm no doctor, but I've studied enough about them to know that they most certainly can cause cancer!"
Ellen stared back at Katya in resignation, finally accepting that she was out of explanations and justifications that would even come close to making her feel better.
"You're right, Kat."
"None of these women have pristine bodies, Aunt Ellen! That was seen to years ago."
Ellen took a step back and nodded in concession.
"I'm sorry, kit," she said after a pause. "You're right. I didn't factor in her body's exposure to all of those procedures. I apologize. I wasn't thinking of that," she admitted, though she doubted that it would have changed her plans if she had. "And I'm sorry for not realizing that you'd be so worried about her health. I should have taken more time to explain it all to you. Even so, nothing they used on Laura back then was long term. Her exposure was brief and minimal and with all that taken into consideration I still think that this is what's best for her. She'll get frequent scans, just like you do. She'll have the best healthcare Orbit can offer her. And if anything starts up we'll find it quickly and treat it and stop it in its tracks," Ellen pledged.
"Over and over again when it keeps coming back?" Katy challenged.
"We'll do whatever we have to do for her to ensure her health."
"And you're telling me that if- no- when a tumor starts to develop you won't feel the least bit guilty about the choices you've made for her?"
An image of Laura behind brig bars, sick, trembling and in need of medication flashed in Ellen's mind's eye.
"Katya, I feel guilt over more than you know when it comes to this woman. But I'm bringing her back to save the descendants of her people so that her sacrifices don't turn out to have been made in vain. I'm bringing her back to do what I believe she's meant to...and…as much as I want you all to myself, I'm bringing her back to meet her daughter. When- if she ever gets ill, well, I'll do whatever is in my power to fix it, because I'm sure as hell not bringing her back just to suffer."
Katya looked down at the lab floor, her fighting stance finally deflated.
"Kat, you're going to have a good long time with your birth parents," Ellen continued. "Life expectancy here is so much better than what they ever knew back on the Colonies. They'll be with us for the long haul. I promise. You'll get to make up the time you missed with them and then some."
"This isn't about me. It's not about me getting to know them. That's not the point anyway. I mean...she just shouldn't have to deal with all of that pain again, right?"
"You're right," Ellen echoed, before pulling Katya in for a hug.
This time she didn't try to pull away.
"I know she's not even alive yet," Katya had cried into Ellen's shoulder, "but...I don't want her to die."
"Baby, it's going to be okay," Ellen vowed and squeezed her tightly. "I won't let anything happen to Laura. The same way I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."
Katya leaned out of their embrace to face Ellen eye to eye.
"You know that you can't make that promise."
The words reverberated around her, the voice dropping an octave and becoming clearer.
"You know that I can't make that promise, Ellen," Laura said plainly.
Ellen cringed and rubbed at her eyes, chasing off the powerful recollection.
"Gods, Laura. Can't you just lie to me for frak sake? Ever?"
Laura rolled her eyes and tried to smile.
"Elle, I'm sorry all of this has upset you so much. We knew it would probably happen eventually. And it will probably happen a time or two again until…"
"Stop. Please, Laura," Ellen abruptly interrupted. "Just stop. I'm sorry. I know that you're the one who just went through all of this. I should be comforting you. I know that, but I just can't bear the thought. I can't. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
As Ellen tightly gripped on to her hand and cried at her bedside Laura gazed up toward the cabin ceiling.
"You know…" She spoke after a few moments. "I didn't want this."
Ellen looked up through her tears to see Laura staring up above at nothing.
"Of course you didn't," she said with a hiccup.
"No, not the cancer. This," Laura said gesturing between the two of them with her free hand. "You, Ellen. And Bill and Sasha and how worried you've each been. I didn't want this. This is all part of what I avoided my whole life back on the Colonies," she sighed with a shake of her head. "I knew...I knew that I was going to get sick one day. I knew it was probably going to kill me. Hell, I was banking on it for a while. I didn't want to burden anyone else with that. I didn't want anyone to mourn me the way my father mourned the loss of my mother. I didn't want to leave someone desperately missing me the way that I missed my sisters. I didn't want children who would be forced to suffer the way I did caring for my sick mother only to bury her in the end. I didn't want to put someone I loved through all of that heartache and worry and loss and depression. I just wanted to get through it alone. I didn't want this."
"Well that's just tough shit, now isn't it?" Ellen returned with a scowl. "Want it or not you have it now. You have a little girl, you have your husband, you have me. You have a whole frakking family who worries about you and loves you and who would do anything for you because you mean so much to us. Now you look me in the eyes and tell me that it's not a better life knowing that this time, no matter what happens or when, you won't be alone. Tell me."
Laura sighed.
"You're absolutely right, Elle. It is better. It's much better. It's just that sometimes it's a hell of a lot harder."
Ellen tilted her head.
"All the pain, the worry, the stress and tears and all the bad that comes with the good...it's worth it. Love is worth it. It's always worth it. Kat was worth it. You're worth it, Laura."
Laura let a long breath out and nodded.
"I keep having to relearn that over and over again it seems."
Ellen looked down at their joined hands and swallowed.
"Laura?"
"Hm?"
"I need to tell you something."
"I can't take anything big tonight, Elle," Laura teased with a smirk. "Maybe save it for the morning."
Ellen shook her head.
"No. It...it doesn't matter anymore. Not really. It's just- something I want to tell you."
"Okay."
"When you first got here, when you first resurrected on Alpha…" Ellen tentivily began. "I remember how you hated this frakking body. I remember taking you to the ward that first time."
"How could I forget that lovely surprise," Laura chided.
"You were so annoyed with me because you thought I frakked up, didn't age you enough in stasis, caused you all kinds of problems that you didn't want to deal with. I kept telling you that I just made a little mistake, that I'd misjudged. I laughed it off and just told you it was an accident. I made my jokes, I told you 'too bad' and just to deal with my silly miscalculation. But...I was lying, Laura. It wasn't an accident. I did it intentionally."
Ellen stopped. She could feel Laura's confusion and when she glanced up it was all she could see in her eyes.
"Go on," Laura prompted, her brow quizzically creased.
"I stopped the process early because...because Katya was scared for you...She was scared of you getting sick...and I knew I'd feel so guilty if…" Ellen shook her head unable to finish the thought. "I tried to buy her some time. I tried to placate my own conscience. I got as close as I could without making it look too obviously planned or too questionable and then I stopped it."
As Ellen confessed Laura's expression turned unreadable.
It was quiet between them for a few moments
"I see," Laura finally spoke. "Did Saul-"
"No. He didn't know. He commented on it a few times especially while helping me age Bill. I just told him that he was wrong or got him off of the subject somehow. It was easy to explain away. I never even told Kat what I did, even though I did it mostly for her. I never told anyone. That is, until right now."
"Right," Laura said in a near whisper, still absorbing the confession.
"I'd apologize only…well, after the last few days I'm not sorry," Ellen admitted.
Laura thought about what Ellen had just explained to her. She thought of her daughter afraid of losing her before they'd even met. She thought of the cruel irony of losing Katya first. She thought of Sasha one day having to live with the same fears once she knew enough to worry.
Little could be done to change the fate that any of them had ahead, but somewhere along the line, in her own way, Ellen had tried to help.
After a moment more Laura nodded and cleared her throat.
"Me either," she decided, despite the strangeness of what she'd just learned. Ellen's meddling had no doubt caused her some discomfort and stress following her resurrection, but the more Laura considered it the more she realized how impactful it had truly been. "Thank you for- telling me the truth, Elle."
Ellen's usually impish lips curved slightly into a cheerless smile.
"How about a truth for a lie?" She proposed as her eyes watered yet again. "Lie to me, Laura. Just tell me that you won't ever leave me. Promise?"
Laura watched on as Ellen's tears slid down her cheeks one by one punctuating her pitiful pleading. She couldn't help but let the corners of her lips curve upward, remembering the days when the woman beside her just wanted her to frak the hell off.
"Elle," Laura said as she reached over to wipe a stray tear from her trembling chin. "I love you, Elle."
The simple statement filled the air between them, warmly wrapped itself around their tired bodies and tucked itself securely into every space it could find.
It wasn't what Ellen had asked for, but she knew Laura well enough to understand that the truth she'd just offered had and always would be far more difficult for her to speak than any lie.
Ellen wiped a few new tears off of her cheek and looked down at the bedsheets by Laura's hip.
"Liam wanted pancakes this morning- I burnt them."
"I'll make some in the morning," Laura assured her through a yawn.
"Are you going to sleep now?" Ellen frowned, remembering Bill's instruction of the doctor's orders.
"I think so," Laura said with a smile and a sleepy nod.
She scooted herself down further under the quilt attempting to make herself more comfortable.
"Did you...want to be alone?" Ellen asked, hoping like hell she wouldn't ask her to go.
She needed to be by Laura's side for a while longer. She needed to watch her breathing, she needed to watch her just being, she needed to convince herself that everything was just as it had been only a few days before.
As much as Ellen needed it Laura knew that she had to allow it. She had to allow those who loved her to feel all of the other emotions that went with it. She had to allow them to hear how she felt in return. She had to allow it because she finally knew that she couldn't save them from it, nor did they want to be saved.
"Wake me when Bill brings Sasha upstairs for bed," Laura mumbled, gesturing with her free hand for Ellen to take one of the chairs over by the bedroom fireplace.
Ellen humed in affirmation.
With another kiss to Laura's knuckles she let her hand go and stood up from where she'd been kneeling by the bedside.
She took a seat by the foot of the bed and watched as Laura closed her eyes, finally ready to rest and recover.
"I love you too, Laura," Ellen whispered from her perch. "I promise."