i'm trying to wrap this fanfic up, I have ideas for another one and this one just seems to be going on for much longer than I anticipated... sorry guys! i know some of you might be waiting for one more chance but I'm taking a break from her right now soon sorry, I'll get back to her once this one is finished and before i start my next rely fic. Am i the only one that can get stuck on one story and have a million fanfic ideas? lol hope you guys are enjoying so far!

Ch 48

Rey

I felt emotionally off, strange, I felt like my mind was on autopilot.

The talk with Ben had been strange… and whatever that pill had was making me a little dizzy on top of everything. I knew it was a precaution, I knew what he had said was all correct and it was the right thing to do. We didn't want to harm any child that we brought into the galaxy for being careless.

So why did it feel so wrong?

These thoughts plagued my head as we made our way outside to the clearing. I could hear all sorts of bird calls and the air was humid I instantly felt the back of my neck become sweaty.

"Alright, both of you get on the ground, meditating positions. You both need to relax and let your mental shields down. Let each other in like you normally would"

This is the part that I was afraid of, I had been keeping the previous thoughts hidden from Ben, I didn't want him to see that to an extent, I wasn't entirely on board with what we had discussed, but I didn't know exactly why it as bothering me so much.

But I took few deep breaths, and did as Master Anakin say. I first felt the connection open and felt the initial relief of feeling bonded. Feeling like home, feeling the light and the love from him was refreshing.

"Now go deeper into your minds, go as deep as you both can handle, you may be up against some attacks. The mind tries to protect itself from intruders, you have to overcome those obstacles to be truly joined. Keep in mind it might take a while."

I concentrated harder and suddenly I could feel myself grow heavy. Like something was holding me down, a tightness in my chest.

I could feel someone try to get into my head, at the same time I felt someone try and push me out of Ben's head.

Tread lightly Rey from nowhere. You may find things you won't take well, you may find things that hurt. We can protect you…

I pushed harder and harder inside, into his mind. I kept hearing the dark thoughts over and over again, it was like a dark maze. There was absolutely no light and I walked for what felt like years.

Eventually I found something that looked like a door, but it had no handle. When I tried pushing it, nothing happened, it didn't open, it didn't move.

Tread lightly Rey from nowhere… we want no one in here…

I put both of my hands against the door and pushed as hard as I could, the door gave in eventually.

I walked through it and it was dark and cold and damp.

It was very lonely.

There was a wind the whooshed past me every now and then, I thought I could hear it speak… but I wasn't sure, so I tried to concentrate more on it.

It was like trying to grab the water from a running river. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down, reached out and heard what it said.

I hate you.

I gasped, who was it talking about.

I'm talking about you Rey.

I turned around trying to keep up with the voice.

You've always thought you were so pure, so innocent… poor Rey was abandoned… for her own good.

The thoughts were becoming overwhelming.

My parents never loved me the way they loved you… you had a connection with them that I never could. I will always hate you for that. You didn't deserve them.

I covered my ears I didn't want to hear it anymore.

They died because of you, because you couldn't leave me alone, because you had to find the good in everything and everyone around you. I hate you.

"Stop… I said to it."

I hate you. I always have, and I always will. You humiliated me!

"Stop… stop it!"

I don't know why I married you, you're still weak, just like my parents, just like Luke was… you can't help anyone. Everywhere you go, destruction follows you.

SHUT UP! I screamed and felt a strong power surge through me. It felt like the time I used lightning.

You can't keep anyone safe… and in the end you'll kill me too…

"No!" I said to the voice and suddenly a burst of light was shot out of me and I fell to the ground.

I lay on the cold, damp floor and cried for what felt like hours.

Rey…

"Please leave me alone" I said in a whisper.

My love… it's me.

I looked up towards the whisper, I was in a different space now, this one was white, the breeze was fresh and clean.

You saved me from myself. I owe you my life. You had faith in me.

"I'm not strong enough to keep your light alive…"

It's not your job to keep it alive… we just have to balance it… you are life and I am death. You are the morning and I am the night. We cannot exist without each other. We are one, we have to accept each other's for what we are.

I didn't want to admit he was right, whatever was talking to me had a point. We were bound, we were one. He was my dark and I was his light.

But how could I accept the fact that, to a certain extent, Ben held hatred towards me?

"It's a trick you know." Said a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Master Anakin's ghost.

"How did you get in here?" I asked surprised, our bond was sacred in a way, it was private. It could be sensed but not really severed or joined.

"I am one with the Force, I am, in a way, a part of your bond as well. Ben doesn't hate you, these thoughts are a part of Ben's dark side. They aren't true, they never were, they were. In our anger we often think or say things we don't mean. He was hurt, he had to deal with that, but you also have to be okay with his emotions. He'll lash out, but you have to open up too. Hurting each other is normal, it's what happens after and how you deal with it that matters"

My mind was spinning, this was a lot of overwhelming emotions and information.

I was terrified of how Ben was faring; knowing my mind wasn't any easier to deal with.