Another Second Chance

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, A Deadly Game, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving and this was really their last case. What would each other's lives have looked like? The story starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.

Chapter 24

Castle's Residence

Pismo Beach, California

/_/

Rick was playing with Lisa Marie, having a discussion about which movies where the best this year, when he looked over and saw his little princess sound asleep on her binky blanket, the one she always clung to when she visited. He picked her up gently and carried her to her room, as Gina saw and turned down the covers for him. He kissed her forehead gently before he laid her down and whispered have a good nap princess.

Gina closed the door after she had kissed her, and walked behind Rick, knowing this was a discussion that she really didn't want to have with her ex-husband. It was needed but, that didn't make it any easier,

Rick turned to her as he finished making her the mojito cocktail, only he knew how to make the mixed drink just the way she loved, turned to her handing her the drink as a peace offering,

"So?" he said as he headed to his favorite chair, still in earshot of his princess in case she woke up,

FLASHBACK Continued

Rick knew that he had hurt Marcy, no matter how much she tried to hide it, she was definitely hurt. He really wasn't trying to hide his past; it was something he worked hard to put behind him and It was the last thing he had wanted to revisit. He had hoped that the history, ancient in his mind had somehow gone undetected, especially since it wasn't the same last name now as when the incident occurred.

"I also had to review your medical history, all of it, even records under Rogers", he had been 21 years old, a First Lieutenant, with the special forces, barely old enough to know what the hell life was all about. He did understand heartache, and when he signed up for the three years right after turning 18 years old, it never crossed his mind he might never return home. In retrospect, he realized that at that time he really didn't care if he did, Kyra was gone, and so was his life.

His mother had enrolled him in the Jr. ROTC program earlier, that action had ended things with Jordan, she didn't understand and he couldn't tell her, he would rather die than father a child that others called a BASTARD CHILD or as in his case Martha Rogers ILLEGITIMATE son.

It was a stigma he lived with all his life, and never talked about, things had been hard enough on his Mother, he didn't want to add any additional pain. He cared for Jordan a great deal, and the sex, well she loved him he could tell, but he was more afraid of the end results than the pleasure she brought him, she just didn't understand.

He thought he had found his eternal happiness once he and Kyra settled into a rhythm, but once again, he wasn't good enough for her Mother. That was very plain to see, and Sheila made no qualms about calling him the bastard name in front of his face. It was hurtful, but he tolerated it because he had Kyra until she decided her mother was right, and she was gone. He left college after completing his ROTC requirements, earning his commission and volunteered for Special Force's work.

He had just completed 18 months service after ROTC commissioning, thus earning the rank of First Lieutenant, and getting his pick of assignments on his dream sheet. It wasn't for everyone but he wanted to get as far away from New York, from the hurt, as he could and Afghanistan seemed the place. He thought back now at how green he was, how close he had come to death without his Captain, one Roy Montgomery and his best friend, First Lieutenant Bob Weldon saving his ass.

He remembered the day, but not much else, it was June 4th, Jordan's birthday, he wondered if she even remembered his name, when all hell broke loose. He was pinned down, and three of his men were trapped, he responded and took some souvenirs home when he woke up several days later in a hospital in Germany. That's where the dreams, and panic attacks first started, probably PTSD but there wasn't a fancy acronym for it then.

He was home and trying to pretend it never happened once the Army discharged him with a medical disability, accommodation, and medal. His desire to return to the front was denied, he had failed the psychological exam, and deemed a medical liability, as well as loosing feeling in his left hand periodically.

His psychologist was another Veteran from New York, and he was finally released from treatments 9 months later. War is hell someone said, and he was trying to bridge the gap to get back to earth and escape their own personal hell and demons, he thought he had succeeded, until now.

Rick had formed a bond with the good doctor and had called him on a few occurrences after they were both discharged. Roy Montgomery worked his way quickly up the ranks of the NYPD and became only the third minority Captain in NYPD history. Bob Weldon found a career that he could use his best talent, bullshitting people, and was elected to the city council for three terms before unseating the popular mayor of New York City.

Rick had migrated west, following his dreams of perhaps becoming a writer for a syndicated television show, but really to get away from New York. Then he met Meredith, a few months later learned his biggest fears had come true, he was going to be a father, he married and then sent his wife packing when he returned home to find her using their marital bed as the casting couch.

He had no alternative but to call his mother for financial help, and he returned defeated to New York. His manuscript sent to Black Pawn in a moment of desperation turned into a life-changing event, four months later he bought the loft for cash, and had a lucrative book deal.

His friend recommended Doctor Harry Shum, a plastic surgeon to assist him in reversing the large scars from his wounds. They were very evident when he was without a shirt, which added to his insecurities, and really, he didn't want to talk about what he survived. One of the surgeries had the added bonus of actually corrected nerve damage caused by the meatball surgeons who had saved his life. His hand had all feeling restored, very important to a writer.

That had been a Godsend since he cranked out 8 best sellers one after the other providing him with financial stability, even if he never sold another book.

He found Marcy, crying in her room, one she hadn't used since the first night they arrived in the Hamptons, he needed to make things right,

"Marcy, I know you won't understand, but would you let me explain why you found out as you did, please? Yes, I have been shot before, yes, I was a trained soldier, BUT I know in my heart I didn't try to take the bullet for Beckett, it was a natural reaction to try to knock her out of the way."

She looked up at him through tear-stained eyes, "Rick, I never doubted you or thought for one moment, I couldn't trust you. Please tell me the story, make me understand, not only for me, but you do know that this could impact your treatment don't you. All I, the girls, Gina, Peter, hell all of us want is for you to get better, let me in Rick. I can't help you if I'm reduced to a spectator." She whispered through her tears,

"OK, you're right, I should have told you everything, but honestly, I have put some of those memories so far away, I didn't want to talk about them. You're right, the doctor needs to know, everything, I mean he can't fix something if he doesn't know it's broken," Rick said quietly, as he took her in arms and held her,

"Rick, we all have ghosts in our closet, I'm afraid once you are well and hear mine, you won't want to be my friend, much less anything else, I understand the WHY, but Darlin this is your health, it could impact you, me, the girls. Don't get me wrong, we'll all be here until you tell us to go, but we want to be sure you are being honest with yourself and letting us all help. Can I ask you one more question?" she said sadly,

"I think I know what it is, but go ahead" He pulled her even closer,

"Did you ever tell Gina any of this, and how much did this play into your divorce, your feelings of inadequacy, never being good enough? I think I heard you say you were damaged goods, if you ever say that again, I'm going to make you sorry. We're all damaged Rick, it's what we do with the results of that damage that determine what kind of life we have." She tiptoed to kiss him, her tears still streaking down her face.

"You're right, I never told Gina any of it, and I did feel inferior, afraid I wasn't good enough. I was always afraid of what would happen when the books stopped, that added to my insecurity, and we fought about stupid things, and well, it broke us." Rick admitted,

"Well, I'm not going to push you, but I want you to tell the doctor everything. Rick, I almost fainted when I saw the records recording your wounds, treatment, and life flight out of the arena as they described it in the records. You don't know how close you were to death, it scared me, and yes, I was upset. I shouldn't have been, I mean we're just" she was interrupted

"Best friends working on being something more, and both of us should never hold back telling each other anything, that's what we promised from our first days. I'm sorry, I want to tell you everything."

He picked her up and carried her back into his office, sat her next to him in the double loveseat, and for the next three hours recalled everything from his childhood all the way to the incident jumping in front of the bullet. He stopped and answered her questions, as she raised them, and she raised a valid point, they needed to tell Doctor Peers about the earlier episode and the doctor's name if Rick could recall it.

"You're right, it wasn't Doctor Peers, we started with him more out of the marriage counseling requirement, it was, well let me see if I can contact him. I promise you; I'll tell you everything, and I know I said this a lot, but I am truly sorry. Hurting you is something I would rather take another bullet, even knowing how painful they are than to hurt you, please believe me" he kissed her, and she held him until she was all cried out,

"It's just the thought Rick, I mean my God, how close you came to never coming into mine or my girl's lives, I guess I overreacted, but hey, I care, I truly care. OK?" she whispered then stole a kiss from him,

"I care about you, and our girls, I know I have one more thing I promised you I would do. I'm going to call Kate after I read her letter. I hope it's nothing serious, but I promise you, I will be cordial, but firm. We both know that my biggest problem now is fixing me, I guess it really is time I need for myself isn't it." He said with his head down,

"Nothing wrong with that Rick, you can't help others if you're not well, let's get you back to you and then take it day by day as we planned, promise?" She asked, wiping her tears with the back of the hand,

He kissed her tears away, "That's a deal, and Marcy, Thank You, I don't know where I would be now if you weren't next to me." He said quietly,

"Well read your letter, and then let Kate know you are working on you, she deserves to know that much, you don't have to be specific, but Rick, please make her understand it is really not her fault, guilt is a hard thing to live with," Marcy said, looking out in the distance,

"I know Marcy, I know" he replied,

"I'll leave you to it, I'm close by if you need me, Rick," She kissed him, and slipped silently out of his office, closing the door softly

Rick watched as she walked away and out of the door, and suddenly he felt empty. That was a feeling he hadn't felt since, hell since Kyra. He quickly pushed those thoughts out of his mind and turned to Kate's letter.

"Here goes nothing, I hope" he quietly whispered as he carefully opened the envelope,

What was this all about anyway, his eyes focused and began to read First, I apologize for writing you this letter, BUT I couldn't let your contributions in solving my Mom's murder go without a huge Thank You

OK, it was a thank you letter, out of character for Kate but still a nice gesture. He was surprised at her resourcefulness, to find out he was still at his Hamptons home since the residence in California was purchased under one of his blind trusts. He had learned more about staying under the radar than he knew when he and Alexis signed for the New York home, using their real names for a public record document.

He continued to read, I know now much more than I did when we worked the Scott Dunn case, and Jordan Shaw is as you put it remarkable, as a person and professionally. She has opened my eyes to many things.

What the hell did that mean? Jordan wouldn't have revealed their connection, would she? It was such a long time ago, he never said anything, but perhaps Jordan had inferred something to help Kate along her way.

He read on till he reached the passage describing one of the few times he had been willing to put her first, and walk away to save her more pain, you tried to walk away, taking responsibility for something entirely not your fault. My God Rick, he had a gun in your ribs, and was close to pulling the trigger, how could that be your fault?

He battled that thought himself, but if he hadn't stirred the pot, Coonan would never have surfaced, she wouldn't have had to suffer the heartbreak of killing the only lead she had to find justice for her mother, how could it be anyone's fault but his?

A smile crossed his lips as she described the multiple items he had brought for lunch, it was true, he had no idea of if she would let him stay, much less eat. Then they had perhaps the most serious and cordial talks of their relationship, I do enjoy you pulling my pigtails, and you made the team better. She had made it a point that day, that no matter what happened, she didn't blame him and actually admitted for one if not the only time she actually thought he was a benefit rather than the pain in the ass she had described him on a regular basis.

He read on, now convinced it wasn't a please take me back letter, but perhaps one if not the sincerest communications Kate had ever sent him. He winced as he read, the relief that came over it when I told you I wanted you to stay, I only wish I had maintained that courage throughout our partnership as she described the look on his face that day.

He was serious when he approached the precinct that day, he was prepared to leave, not because he actually wanted to, BUT he was convinced he had caused her pain. The last part, brought back a quick reel of Demming and her appearance with the Doctor, at his Mother's wake. The pain that sliced through him wasn't caused by anything physical, but hurt as if someone had pierced him with a sword.

He paused a long moment before he collected himself and continued her letter, it was short, direct, and poignant, not typically Beckett style communication between them. He began to read the last paragraph, and paused three times before he could make it through it entirely,

I wanted to acknowledge that to me, there would have been no closure, no justice for Mom, no bringing Bracken down if not for you, and as small as this is, it's the only way I can let you know, I do thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know how I feel about you, that hasn't or won't change, I'm here when you're ready,

I love you, I always will, Always,

Kate,

He re-read the letter in its entirety, just to be sure he hadn't read anything he had wished into her correspondence, he hadn't. It was short, sincere, and to the point. Rick knew then that Jordan still loved him enough to coach Kate on what would be receptive to him, and what would cause him to trash the letter.

He had never explained to Jordan, although he was pretty sure Martha had filled her in on the WHY before she died. Tom was a better fit for her, stable, loving, and patient. She was happy, Tom adored her, had for years, so that was one thing he got right.

Somewhere in the universe, he wished Kyra Blaine happiness as well. If Jordan could open her heart to Kate, he could finally let go of the anger and hurt for Kyra, and Kate. It dawned on him that perhaps Kate was being judged based on some residual hurt caused by Kyra, letting it all go, and forgiving freed him completely.

Now he just had to get through the call with Kate, and then concentrate on getting well himself. He knew he wanted Marcy with him in California, without a doubt, the girls would be an added bonus, but if Marcy couldn't or wouldn't go, he would need to come up with an alternate plan.

He had found his cell phone, and hit the contact list, not that he needed it, the number was forever etched in his memory, he dialed it slowly, on the third ring she answered but things had changed,

"Captain Beckett speaking"

"Kate? Captain Beckett?" Rick almost dropped his phone,

TBC

A/N Research was done for Jr. ROTC, and ROTC, BUT if I screwed any details, accept my apology and move on, it's only used for a plot point, and again, I'm not a Military Expert. The story is AU, so please no reviews pointing out what military protocol is, Thanks