A/N Hi guys. FF was down for the past few days and reviews weren't coming through. Hopefully everything's fixed now, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts. Next chapter C&A talk it out.… - Elizabeth x
When the weekend came, I was filled with relief. I'd cried way too many times and I was over it.
I was also over being average. Seeing the girls that Christian and the boys surrounded themselves with was disheartening to say the least. They were all beautiful and popular, something I wasn't. I'd noticed lately the complete lack of male attention I'd received, and it was hurtful. Wasn't I pretty enough? Good enough? Not even Brody was interested anymore. I'd seen him more often than not, hooking up with a blonde girl on the cheerleading squad. I knew that there were more problems in the world and that beauty came from within and all that shit. However, I hadn't yet met a teenage girl who didn't want to be desirable. It was just a fact of life.
"I want to be beautiful," I announced to Kate, late that Saturday afternoon.
We were at hers watching clueless. She was painting my toe-nails bloody red.
"You are beautiful Ana," she said, not looking up from her art.
I flopped down on the soft cushions and sighed.
"I want boys to like me again. I need to be sexy. Mysterious. Hot. Like you."
She looked up then, giving me a disapproving glance.
"I'm not all that," she dismissed, but I scoffed.
Kate tried to be nonchalant about it all, but the fact remained that she was beautiful. She was taller and elegant with great boobs and natural blonde hair. She was confident in a way I never was, and boys loved her. She just ignored them. She got asked out all the time.
I sat up, smudging the paint. She hissed at me as she quickly rectified it.
"Come on," insisted."Help me."
She sighed and put the nail varnish down before looking at me intensely.
"I meant what I said Ana," she said seriously. "You're beautiful. The only problem is that you're not confident enough. You need to truly know how beautiful you are. Girls like Hattie and Leila and even me...we know we're hot. You don't. And you've just got a whole cute innocent vibe about you."
"Innocent?" I scoffed.
She nodded.
"Most boys our age only care about one thing. Sex. It's all they think about. If they think of you as innocent, then they'll know you won't give it to them. So, they'll find someone who they think will."
I contemplated her words and realised perhaps she was right.
"How do I change that though?" I asked. "How do I not look innocent?"
"It's all in the confidence," she said again. "The way you hold yourself. You need to make eye contact with boys that you're talking to. You need to know how to flirt. Boys want to know they're desired too. They want a girl to seduce them."
Flirting. It was something I'd never really had to do. Christian and I bypassed that whole phase because we already knew each-other. But...should I have? Should I have made it clear how much I desired him? Is that why he'd turned to other girls? He thought I didn't want to have sex with him…
"Okay," I nodded. "I'm ready. Teach me."
The first rule of flirting was eye contact. Remaining eye contact was vital in creating sexual tension and even feigning chemistry. Smirking, playful laughs and heavy lashes could work wonders Kate told me. Secondly, touching. Casual brushes of the arm or fixing a collar could go a long way in terms of seduction. The art of it all was appearing confident and sensual. Even if you weren't.
"Eventually you'll actually become confident," she told me. "It's all about faking it till you make it."
I laughed before asking her about my appearance.
She frowned. "There's nothing wrong with you."
I rolled my eyes. "I know there's nothing inherently wrong with me. I know I have a nice face and all, but it's not cutting it. I want to be sexy."
"You mean slutty?" Kate amended.
I shook my head. "Sexy but classy. What would you recommend?"
"Lipstick," she said instantly. "And if I'm going to be honest, you're never going to look anything but innocent with those braces."
I ran my tongue over my top brace. Sometimes I forgot about them. I realised instantly that braces were definitely not cool.
"I'll get my mom to book me a dentist appointment," I nodded. "What else?"
"Tighter clothes," she said then, scrutinising me. "You have a gorgeous figure. You need to show it off. Heels wouldn't hurt once in a while either."
I grimaced. I hated heels.
"Beauty is pain," she shrugged.
She was right. I was going to be hot and show those stupid boys just how sexy I could be.
Later that evening, I was with my mom in the lounge after dinner, when I bought up wanting to get my braces removed.
"Oh yes. It should be about time now actually," she said absentmindedly. "It's been well over two years. I'll see if I can book you an appointment tomorrow."
"Yeah, I really want them gone."
She looked over at me then. "Everything okay?" She asked, putting down the book she was reading.
I started to nod but then thought better of it. Everything wasn't okay. I shook my head and she moved from her seat, coming to sit close to me.
"Is this about Christian?" She asked, scrutinizing my face.
I nodded, tears threatening to spill. What was it about the comfort of my mother that always made me cry?
"Oh honey," she sighed, pulling me in for a hug. "I know it hurts."
"I just miss him," I cried. "And now…I think he's got another girlfriend."
She didn't say anything. She knew I needed this time to tell her everything that had happened, and I did. Starting with the party.
As expected, she heavily disapproved that I'd been to a party involving alcohol ,but she stayed quiet as I explained it all. I'd been keeping everything bottled inside and it felt good to let it out. I was afraid of how my mom would respond but I realised that I needed her. Needed her to know what happened.
"Has Christian told Grace about this?" She asked, when I was finished. "This is quite serious Ana."
I shook my head. "I don't think he wants anyone to know. You're not going to tell her, are you?"
She didn't answer and I groaned. Great. Now he was going to hate me all over again.
"This is serious," she said again. "I won't say anything yet, but I think you should talk with him. Convince him to tell his parents. If he won't, I'm afraid I may have to."
I sunk down further into the cushions, bringing my knees up to my chest.
"I tried to call him," I explained. "He hung up on me."
Mom took one of my hands in her own and started to rub soothingly.
"Boys can be much more childish than girls," she reasoned. "It's not an excuse, but I think he'll listen if you talk with him face to face. He loves you Ana, you know that don't you? This is just a blip in your lives. Things won't be this way forever, even if you think they will be."
I contemplated her words. Maybe she was right. Would things really go back to normal someday?
"The first rule in any relationship is communication. You both need to talk to one another."
"He kissed another girl," I grumbled.
She pulled back to look at me. "I know it sucks. Trust me honey I know. But boys make mistakes. We all do. He was very sorry, wasn't he? You have to remember though, that he was drugged Ana. I know he was talking to Leila beforehand, but he didn't kiss her until he'd been drugged. He was trying to explain that, but you wouldn't hear him out. Anything he's doing now is purely fuelled by his anger. He's trying to make you jealous because you broke up with him. Can you understand that?"
I bit my lip, refusing to comment. I knew I was being stubborn, but mom just laughed.
"Like mother like daughter," she chuckled, stroking my hair. "Promise me you'll think about it. Talk it out with him."
I snuggled up close to her, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off my chest.
"Thank you mom," I whispered.
She kissed the top of my head in response.
The next day after school, I had an appointment to remove my braces. My mom was working so dad took me. He tried to speak to me about Christian in the waiting room but after spending the day watching him walk round with Hattie, I didn't even want to think about him.
Looking at myself in the mirror on the drive home had me grinning from ear to ear. My teeth were pearly white, completely straight and the best part? No gaps.
"Like them?" My dad grinned.
"I love them," I enthused.
Kate was obsessed with my new teeth as much as I was. I went to hers after the appointment and was staying over.
"I think tomorrow is the perfect day to make an entrance," she smiled, waggling her brows. "I was thinking we should co-ordinate outfits. It will make more of an impact. You know, the hot blonde and brunette combo."
I nodded and we got to work.
The first thing Kate did, was pluck my eyebrows. It hurt like a bitch. After that, she gave my hair a keratin masque treatment, something she'd sworn by since middle school.
"Your hair is really long. But it sometimes just hangs you know? What do you think about a fringe?"
I hesitated.
"Bangs are cool," she insisted. "I've been doing my own for years. A full fringe would look really cute on you Ana. Sophisticated."
I thought about it. It would definitely be new. If I were at a hairdresser, I would go for it. but Kate…
"You sure you know how to do it?" I asked reluctantly.
She rolled her eyes. "I do my own hair and my mom's. Come on, trust me."
Crossing my fingers tightly behind my back and praying to all the gods above, I let Kate give me bangs. As she worked her magic, I had a flashback to the first and only time I'd let somebody do my hair. Christian. I had wanted to be daphne from scooby doo and he had tried to give me red hair.
I felt an ache as I remembered.
An hour later, my hair was shiny, blow-dried, straightened and complete with bangs. As I looked in the mirror, I was gobsmacked.
"Kate, it looks amazing," I said in awe, running my fingers through it. "How did you learn to do this?"
She sat smugly on the end of her bed, giving me her best I told you so face.
After my hair had been transformed, Kate put acrylic nails on for me. They were annoying and hard to do things with, but she assured me they were sexy. We painted them dusky pink. I drew the line at hot pink.
Next, we chose our outfits.
"I think we should go for clueless vibes," she said, fingering over her many outfits in her enormous walk in-wardrobe. I sat on the couch as I watched. Yes, couch. In her wardrobe.
I couldn't wait until I was older and could afford my own beautiful home. My clothes collection was a quarter the size of Kate's. As soon as I got my first real pay-check when I was grown, I was going clothes shopping. The truth was, I did love girly clothes and accessories. The problem was, I couldn't afford them. I had to use my money to get practical things like broken bags and reading books. As soon as I turned sixteen, I was getting a job.
In the end, we settled on blazer/mini-skirt combos that were very much clueless inspired. Mine was in light pink, Kate's in navy blue. We paired them with over the knee stockings and black heels.
"I can't wear this to school," I said at once as I stared at myself in the floor to ceiling length mirror.
I turned around and the skirt was so short, I could almost see my ass. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but still.
"Do you want to look hot or not?" Kate asked, marvelling at herself. "I personally think we look great."
Despite my reluctance, I did have to agree with her on that front. We looked amazing. In addition to my teeth and hair, I looked like a completely different person.
Was that a good thing or not? I wasn't too sure.
The next morning, I donned the outfit whilst Kate did my makeup. She piled on mascara until my lashes were wispy fluttery things. I loved them so much I couldn't stop blinking.
"You have perfect skin, so you don't need half the shit I need," she explained as she used some brusher and bronzer on me.
The last step was lipstick. She gave me a nude pink colour which complimented the rest of my face really well.
"There you go," she murmured, standing in front of me and arranging my hair. "If I didn't like boys, I'd definitely date you Ana," she winked.
I laughed, pushing her away.
We looked like sisters as we went down to breakfast. Kate's mom raised her brows when she saw us.
"Did you forget your pants girls?" She laughed.
I flushed. I felt almost…scandalous.
The ride to school was quiet. I kept thinking about how people would react when they saw us. Kate told me we were hot and not to sweat it.
As soon as we got out the car and walked up the entrance front steps, all eyes were on us. I felt like I was in a movie or something.
"Head high, confident walk," Kate muttered to my side.
"I love your outfit," one freshman girl said in awe as we stopped by our lockers.
"Thank you," I smiled.
Kate nudged me and pointed toward a tall boy staring at me.
"He's totally checking you out," she stated.
I blushed and ignored her.
Heading to my first few classes with Kate was a breeze but when I had to go to English next period without her, I was stumped.
"Be brave," she instructed. "Your beautiful and independent. You don't need Christian Grey."
I nodded and made my way to English.
Christian was already seated when I walked in, which meant he had a full view of everything as I made my way toward him. He was, for lack of better words, gobsmacked. He stared at me the entire time and when I sat down, he still kept sneaking furtive glances. Most of the lesson went the same way. Him continuing to stare. Me pretending to ignore him. I knew he found me attractive and I'd be lying if I didn't feel completely smug. Deciding to torture him some more, I crossed one of my legs over the other, watching as my skirt slid a little higher and he had a view of my stocking. I heard him make an audible noise and I laughed quietly to myself. A little later on, one of the boys from our class, Ben, passed me a note asking me out. Christian snuck a glance and laughed.
"Got a problem?" I asked, noting that this was the first time I'd spoken to him in weeks.
He glared at me. The intensity of his gaze sent chills through me.
"Go out with Bad Acne Ben if you want," he said angrily. "Or whoever else for that matter."
"Thanks for the permission," I bit back sarcastically.
When the bell rang, I sprang out of my seat first, giving him full access to my ass as I sashayed away.
By the time I met Kate for lunch, I felt empowered. It wasn't just the clothes, I felt like a new person. Even though things still sucked, for the first time in a while, I felt like I could cope with what was happening. I realised that in the weeks since my breakup, I'd learned how to adapt to life without Christian. I'd grown stronger.
"So many boys are checking you out," Kate pointed out in the lunch que. She gave a small wave to a boy who was looking, and he flushed bright red.
We both laughed.
"Ana?" a familiar voice said behind me.
I turned and looked up to find Michael, Elliot's friend, looking down at me.
"Oh, hi," I said.
He looked me up and down, grinning.
"New get up?" He asked.
I was about to blush and smile, but then remembered Kate's lessons. I looked him squarely in the eye and nodded.
"Yeah, do you like it?" I asked coyly.
He grinned even further.
"Yes," he answered instantly. "You're gorgeous. Anyway, I was going to ask if you'd like to come to a get together this weekend. It's not really a party. Just a bunch of cool people," he winked. He turned to Kate then.
"You too," he smiled. "Hope to see you there. I'll message you the details."
He walked away and I turned to Kate. Both of us were giggling.
"I think we just got invited to a cool thing," I said as I grabbed my bagel.
"See?" Kate answered, sliding in the seat next to mine as we found a table. "You're fucking hot Ana. You just have to own it."
I gave her a genuine smile.
She was truly the best friend I could ever ask for.