Reconstructing Rome

By Indygodusk

Chapter 30

"The fall of Rome seemed unthinkable to people at the time but inevitable to historians reflecting upon it with the benefit of context."

MARY PILON

The next morning, Julian arrived home at the end of breakfast. He moved slowly, like an arthritic old man. Dark circles ringed his eyes, his golden skin looked sallow, and his black hair bristled with tangles. His tunic was stained up to the elbows with brown and yellow dirt.

"You look awful!" Ava cried, shoving Julian into a chair and pushing her warm drink into his hand. "Have you slept at all? Here, take a sip and tell us what happened." Crossing her arms, she danced from foot to foot. "Well? We saw the shield flicker last night."

Lucas abandoned his watery breakfast porridge while his mother was distracted and crawled under the table with his toys.

"Well?" Meredith repeated. "What's going on?" She rubbed JJ's back soothingly when she began fussing at her mother's sharp tone. A little hand wiggled beneath Meredith's collar to press warmly against the bare skin of her neck. Rubbing her forehead against her mother, JJ settled down with a sigh.

Meredith was continually surprised to find that she liked holding her child, liked having the power to soothe and the capacity to love so much. She found herself greedy for all of the small touches, for the sweet scent of milk and baby skin and the solid weight in her arms. JJ was lucky those things outweighed the stickiness, smelly diapers, lack of sleep, and inconvenience.

Julian's lips drooped as he stared down at the pale yellow tea in his mug without drinking. "Two of the councilors taking dinner together yesterday were killed by one of those time fields."

Ava made a wounded sound and religious gesture. "That's awful."

"Please tell me it was Councilor Santano." Meredith leaned forward eagerly.

"No, for God's sake, Meredith, have some compassion! It was Crassi and Frugi." Julian took a gulp from his mug.

Deflated, she sat back in her chair.

Julian glared at her and continued. "Councilor Talon's wife also became stuck in a time field for most of the day, but luckily she merely lost a little time and only felt trapped for a minute before getting out. Nevertheless, it spooked the surviving Council. They called a meeting to demand I start taking bolder action."

"Like what? You're already doing everything you can to fix things. You aren't a miracle worker!" Ava threw out her hands in frustration and anger.

Julian set his mug on the table in front of him with careful precision and deliberately didn't look at anyone. "Councilor Santoro thinks we're putting too much trust in Meredith. He told the Council about my idea to cut some of the wires inside the shield console to reroute power and create a small opening. They ordered me to proceed immediately."

Head going back in surprise, Meredith blurted, "It worked? I guess if it gets me out of here I'm okay with being wrong this…once…." Seeing the lines on Julian's forehead deepen to canyons and his dark eyes go bleak, she realized the truth. "Oh, no. It didn't work. You idiots." Thumping her head back, she glared at the ceiling and slid her hand up to cup the back of JJ's head protectively. "I told you so." Her lungs felt tight. "How bad?"

Looking across the room with unfocused eyes, Julian answered haltingly. "As you predicted, the shield contracted violently, destroying at least half of the town, maybe more." His voice dropped to a broken whisper. "Probably more. We can't check for survivors in the rubble because they're all trapped on the other side of the shield, along with most of our stockpiled water and supplies."

Clutching his mug so hard she was surprised it didn't crack, Julian swallowed and looked up to meet Meredith's eyes pleadingly. "But it almost worked. An opening formed in the shield just like I theorized and some of our people escaped. Freshwater poured in, refreshing the aqueducts. For a few minutes, I thought I had actually done it, actually saved my people." He gave a bitter laugh and rose to his feet. "Instead, I may have just hastened everyone's deaths with my hubris. I am a pathetic failure."

"Julian—" Ava reached out for him but he shied away from her comfort, pressing his mug into her extended hands instead and moving away.

"I have to sleep for a few hours and then go back to the lab." Julian's expression became as unyielding as stone as he moved to where Meredith sat and looked down at her. "God may have damned me for my hubris and sins, but any punishment is acceptable if I can just save the rest of my people." He kept his eyes on her face, not even glancing at JJ. "You'll be coming with me when I wake. Your break is over. " He turned and left the room, leaving behind a tense silence.

Ava gave a hitching breath and started cleaning up the table. "I'm going to go and say prayers at the temple. I'll make sure to put us all on the prayer roll."

"What's the point of that? Prayers are obviously useless." Meredith shoved herself to her feet as her heart hammered frantically in her chest.

Dropping a stack of dishes with a clatter, Ava growled and turned on her. "Then tell me what to do, Meredith! Tell me what else I can do because I have no idea! My mother would know but she's gone and we're the only ones left. We need the powers of God and his angels because heaven knows I'm powerless to fix this and your vaunted genius hasn't worked either. My brother is turning into someone I don't recognize, my son is a sacrificial lamb being eyed by the council, and I can't help you or baby JJ more than I already am. When I'm at my wit's end I turn to God and pray! What else would you have me do? Tell me and I'll do it!"

Henry began to cry under the table, reminding them of his presence. JJ joined in with her wails.

Bouncing JJ in an attempt to be soothing, Meredith took a moment to breathe deeply and counted as if she was in the middle of a contraction, trying to calm down and think. "I don't know, Ava. If I knew what to do, I'd be doing it already." Licking her lips, she blew out a long breath and shifted JJ to her other shoulder. Her eyes prickled hotly. "I know I've been useless but I don't know what to do either."

"Mommy?" Lucas crawled out from under the table, clutching a toy beneath his chin. "Mommy, Mommy." He lifted up his arms, lower lip trembling and eyes full of tears. "Mommy."

Ava swooped down to pick Lucas up in a tight hug. "Shh shh, I'm sorry for yelling, my sweet. Everything's going to be alright. Why don't we go and read a book and then you can come with me to pray at the temple, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered, tucking his head into her neck. "But the singing tickles my brain. It makes me feel weird."

"If that happens, we can go home right after the service instead of staying to watch the choir," Ava promised, carrying him out of the room.

When JJ kept fussing despite the quiet, Meredith lifted her up in front of her face and took a sniff, recognizing the by now familiar sour-sweet scent of a dirty diaper. Supposedly the smell got a lot more rank once she started eating solid foods. Joy. Meredith retreated to her room to change JJ's diaper and put the baby down for a nap. She heard Ava and Lucas leave.

Going to the library, she pulled down another textbook and returned to her room to make notes. Unfortunately, it utterly failed to distract her. Tossing aside the book, she picked up the sleeping JJ and laid down with her on the bed, memorizing the swoop of her daughter's nose, the curve of her pink lips, and the golden fan of her lashes across her porcelain cheeks. Meredith refused to be worse than her own mother at protecting her child. She had to think of something. She had to somehow stop being useless and save the day. What good was her genius otherwise?

A stressed-out Ava returned home early from the temple because Lucas had complained about the tickling in his head. His whining had ended up giving Ava a headache too. Meredith didn't blame the kid considering her personal aversion to religious sermons. She did wish he would be a little quieter once he got home though. She wouldn't have gotten up if she'd known the reason for all the noise was so mundane.

Before she could retreat back to her room, Julian showed up. He must've woken up when Lucas made a yodeling sound while running to his room to dump out his blocks. Coming out into the hall, Julian checked the clock on the wall and told Meredith it was time to leave for the lab.

Meredith thought she was ready to go back to work, but that was before Julian watched her pick up JJ and a baby blanket and coldly told her, "You'll have to leave the baby behind."

Everything in Meredith rebelled at the thought of being separated from her daughter. "No."

Julian glanced down at JJ cradled in Meredith's arms and for a moment his face softened. It didn't last. Too soon his eyes darkened and he jerked his eyes away. "You can leave her with Ava," he said curtly. "Don't be difficult. Remember that you're here because we need your brain, not another useless housewife."

Eyes slitting, Ava's nostrils flared and she slammed the bottle of headache pills she was holding down with a rattle. "Excuse me? A housewife is not useless! I'm the manager of this home and just as intelligent and accomplished in my chosen sphere of work as you are in yours! You don't even know how to make your own porridge or clean clothes or where to get food or even toilet paper! I do the paperwork and pay all the bills, tithes, and taxes. I keep track of everyone's appointments. You don't know the neighbor's names and secrets and which families in town we can count on for help and who to avoid. Every day I'm the first one up and the last one down in this house. I spend more hours working than even a workaholic like you because I never leave my workplace! Before I moved back in to manage things for you, you were a wreck because mother did all this for you in addition to heading the AEC before she died. I'd like to see how useful and successful you'd be without a housewife like me here making this place run smoothly for you."

Wincing, Julian rubbed at his face. "I didn't mean you, Ava."

Meredith joined Ava in glaring at him because he totally deserved it and—while Ava's joy in keeping house made no sense to Meredith—she liked and respected Ava a lot more than she liked and respected Julian. She waited for him to look up before condescendingly adding, "Unlike you, Julian, most women know how to multitask. I can be both an engineer and a mother at the same time. If I had to keep a house for us—meaning me and JJ and excluding you, of course—I'm certain I could do that task as well without falling to pieces. You're lucky Ava does such an excellent job for you."

Shoulders tight, Julian dropped his hand to fist by his side and sent Meredith a resentful look. "I know I'm lucky, as are you, which is why you can trust her to take care of the baby while we focus on work."

"No." Meredith shook her head curtly. Julian never called her JJ anymore, always "the baby." It put Meredith's back up. "It's not that I don't trust Ava. She's the only person I do trust here—" Julian's lips flattened "—but JJ needs feeding every two to three hours and I'm her current food source. Not to mention that someone like Councilor Santoro could storm in here while I'm gone and take JJ away to try and force me to work harder, as if I'm not already invested in fixing things to get us out of here as soon as possible so I can go home."

Julian dismissed her concerns with a wave of his hand. "You're being paranoid. Another woman could easily feed the baby so you can focus on work."

"Can another woman also make my boobs hurt less when the milk ducts get too full and my breasts become harder than cantaloupes? Because I can promise you that physical pain and mental anxiety will distract me from work a lot more than having JJ sleeping on a blanket in the corner of the room. She doesn't have the Ancient gene, so it's not like she can affect the machine itself." Meredith threw out her hands.

"I think you should listen to Meredith," Ava chimed in, proving Meredith's trust in her wasn't misplaced. "You can at least try it her way for a couple of days to see how it works. If JJ proves too distracting, it will give me time to work on something better for Meredith and find a source of milk for JJ."

Moving forward, Ava put a hand on Julian's arm and gentled her tone. "Please, Julian. I know you're in a tough spot, but we're all doing the best we can. Let us help each other, not hurt each other needlessly."

Giving a slow exhale, Julian's expression softened. He reached up to pat his sister's hand and nodded. "Very well, but gather supplies quickly. The baby will need things."

Ava rushed off to get Meredith a cloth sling to carry the baby as well as a diaper bag. She also directed Julian on where to find the baby a cot to set up in the corner of the lab. He sighed but obeyed.

Finally equipped, they left for the trolley.

Across the street from the AEC, masses of people huddled in front of the steps at the Temple of Enlightenment, praying and crying. Solemn chanting echoed out of the doors and into the street. Meredith was surprised to find herself pausing to listen to the hauntingly beautiful singing, reminded of Gregorian chanting. For a little boy like Lucas, she could see it being boring or strange, though ticklish seemed an odd way of describing it. Then again, children themselves were rather odd. Hopefully, JJ would be normal.

Once at the Ancient Machine, Meredith went straight to the panel hanging open on the side of a console. When she saw the way they'd cut the delicate Ancient wiring, she winced and sucked in her breath. "What did you use on this, a hatchet? I've seen Lucas cut things neater with his plastic butter knife."

Julian clenched his teeth. "Councilor Santoro started the procedure without me while I was distracted arguing with the council and gathering a group of men to try and escape the shield once a hole formed. I took over part-way through, but there was only so much I could do at that point."

Putting JJ down in the cot Julian set up in the corner, Meredith knelt by the damage to get a better look. She pulled over a toolbox and the multimeter she'd built and began testing the remaining wires and severed connections. "It looks like there was a power surge that burned out four crystals. There's also cloudiness forming in three more crystals in the left quadrant, meaning those could fail at any time."

"Is there any good news?"

Meredith shrugged one shoulder and didn't bother looking up. "Being squashed to death by falling debris probably hurts less than starving to death. At least it's quicker."

"I vote for not dying at all." Julian crouched down next to her and gripped his hair tightly.

"Have you had any luck tracking down the base directory for the time dilation program yet?" Meredith was grasping at straws.

"Not really." Sighing, Julian led her over to the main screen and brought her up to speed on what he'd been up to during her absence, which unfortunately didn't amount to much. "There are still too many sections we can't access because we aren't Blessed Ones. I wrote down a few new file paths and some vocabulary my people don't understand for you to look over. You can see that there are new programs running in this subdirectory, but I've been afraid to mess with them without better understanding them first, especially after what happened with the collapse of the shield. That's assuming the programs would even accept any of my changes."

Pushing him aside, Meredith hummed and began doing her own exploring. "Aha! Smart call. Most of these new programs seem to be keeping the shield from further collapsing and flattening us all into paste." Accessing a newly available set of log files, Meredith skimmed the entries for anything useful. Unfortunately, Ancients had a love affair with making redundant records and log files. There were always thousands to wade through and most of them were useless or incomprehensible.

Julian tapped his finger on the console impatiently. "Can you understand those?"

"I may not be a linguist like Daniel Jackson, but I can certainly read most of it. After all, I am a genius and one of the foremost experts in Ancient technology on Earth. Just give me time to wade through them." Meredith flipped from entry to entry. Her initial excitement quickly faded. They were all the same useless topic ad nauseum. She began skimming faster. Finally, she pushed back from the console with an irritated grunt.

"Well?" Julian pushed, looking up from his work across the room.

"None of it helps. They're just entries about how the Ancients were trying to use localized time dilation fields to reach a state of ascension. Different experimental groups would use different environmental variables in each time field while keeping copious notes. The main researchers were trying to find a shortcut to ascend from a physical to a spiritual state of being. I've mentioned that to you before. The shield you've been using for defense was just to keep anyone from disturbing the experiments and the researcher's mental zen or whatever. For the Ancients inside a time field it's like the Hotel California—you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. Not unless you shuck your physical body and jump to a higher mental plane."

"The Hotel what?" Julian gave her a confused look.

Meredith waved her hand dismissively and sighed. "A band called The Eagles, nevermind." As JJ started to fuss, Meredith took stock of her body and realized that her breasts were feeling uncomfortably tight. She stood up while grumbling, "I miss Earth music." The only music she'd heard since coming here had been religious hymns and chanting. They needed more instruments like pianos and violins, snare drums and electric guitars. Maybe even some cowbell. You can never have too much cowbell, wasn't that the joke from Saturday Night Live?

"I miss TV too," she told JJ as she carried her to a chair to nurse. Meredith pulled a blanket over her torso, unbuttoned her top, and began feeding. The stupid blanket was annoying, but she didn't want to give Julian any ideas by flashing her bare breasts at him. They were for feeding right now, not sexy times.

"Can I get you anything?" Julian sounded hesitant, keeping his eyes on the central display instead of the stupid blanket that kept trying to slip off her shoulder. He was almost friendly, which was a nice break from most of their recent interactions. Maybe the return to work had reminded him that she was awesome and he shouldn't be such a jerk about everything.

"Something to prop my feet up on would be nice," she said mildly, a tone of voice that many of her former coworkers would've sworn she wasn't capable of. Holding a feeding baby certainly had a tempering influence on her. Feeling magnanimous, she decided to not point out to Julian his positive change in behavior since men got so touchy when criticized. He brought her a stool and then left her in peace to poke around the new files again.

Baby JJ proved to be the perfect child for a working mother. Sure she didn't let Meredith sleep through the night, but during the day she mostly slept, cuddled contentedly, or blew bubbles on her blanket. Fussiness could be cured by a feeding or diaper change. When she got sick of her cot, she usually calmed right down by moving to the sling on Meredith's chest.

And when Meredith started feeling too anxious or panicked by the complexity of the problem before her, she dropped her face to JJ's head and breathed in her sweet milky baby scent, which helped relax the knots in Meredith's shoulders and dispelled the worst-case scenarios in her mind for a little while.

Of course, all those knots came back with a vengeance when Councilor Santoro showed up. He circled the room like a vulture and glared at them with his beady eyes. It put her and Julian on edge. Santoro spent over two hours nitpicking all of Julian's decisions and blaming the shield's collapse on Julian's faulty theory and Meredith's selfishness in giving birth and taking time off to recover. Julian tried snapping back that Santoro barely understood the theory and shouldn't even be here since it was against tradition, but Santoro took the Aquila family's history of secrecy and blamed it for the current problems too.

Despite JJ's good behavior, by the time they left for the evening Meredith found herself exhausted, despite the fact that she'd worked less than a full day.

She'd gotten used to checking her watch when she went outside since it never got dark. It was evening and, looking across the street, she saw people liting candles in their vigil on the temple stairs. They weren't very useful when the sky was stuck on cloudy afternoon.

At dinner, Meredith stirred her bowl of soup listlessly. "Same watery soup again?" She was sick of soup, especially the same pot of soup which became more broth and fewer chunks every day. She hadn't played veggie hockey with Lucas in weeks.

Julian shot her a scowl, once again prickly after spending so long with Councilor Santoro. "Must you always complain? Can't you try for one night to be a little less self-centered and whiny?"

"If you hadn't been so self-centered as to kidnap me, you wouldn't have to listen to my whining about the soup!"

The corners of Ava's mouth were tight, but she kept her voice even as she spooned broth into her son's mouth. "Look, I'm doing the best I can but the soup can't be helped. They turned away my food stamps today, told me to try again tomorrow or the next day. If I wanted to bank on the Aquila name I could get extra, but I don't feel right doing that when everyone else is also suffering. They're trying to keep it quiet, but rationing is going to get even tighter since most of the storehouses are gone. Even with a reduced population to feed, the amount of food and water left will probably only last for another month."

"That can't be right." Julian had frozen with his spoon hanging in mid-air to stare at his sister.

Breath hitching, Ava fed Lucas another spoonful, making sure he didn't spill a single drop. "They're trying to keep it quiet to avoid a panic, but you know people talk to me. If anything, that estimate is probably optimistic. I'm sure you'll hear about it from the Council tomorrow."

Meredith couldn't help but look over at JJ laying on her blanket blowing spit bubbles. Sweat made her skin feel clammy. She slid down in her seat. The tips of her fingers tingled and it became hard to breathe. The stakes had just gotten higher and she was at a complete loss for how to save her daughter or herself. Her vision went black around the edges.

A hand on her arm broke her out of her spiral of panic. Meredith sucked in a breath and looked up at Ava.

"Hey, I know it's not as nice as you're used to, but you need to eat to keep up energy for both yourself and JJ now." Ava squeezed once and then turned back to Lucas.

Knowing she was right, Meredith picked up her spoon and ate. "At least I didn't have to cook this myself." She shot a sideways look at Julian. "Or risk eating Julian's attempts at cooking. Thank you, Ava." She needed to be nice to the one friend she had, especially if they were all going to die soon. That it irritated Julian at the same time was a bonus.

While Meredith ate, Julian got Ava talking about her visit to the Temple of Enlightenment that morning and the rumors she'd uncovered.

"How are people taking the shield collapse?"

Ava sighed. "As well as they can. Even after everything we went through in the war, it's a hard thing. On top of the loss of life and supplies, I heard that last night's disaster caused The Most Holy One to collapse in grief for our people. He's so old that they fear for his health. Solutus Cantus was the one leading the prayers and rituals today and he looked almost as exhausted as you. The temple had many worshipers today, but not as many as the ushers were expecting." Ava twisted her fingers together. "Those who could come did, but the fact remains that many people were lost to us and it's hard to understand why." She stared down at her fingers. "Enlightenment seems hard to reach for everyone lately."

Meredith straightened in her seat as the words sparked an idea. She looked at Julian. "The word enlightenment is often used alongside Ascension in the Ancient records I read over today. Your people did search the Temple of Enlightenment for the second God machine, right?"

Frowning, Julian and Ava exchanged uneasy glances. "No," Julian said slowly, "the temple is sacred ground. Only the priests are allowed to view all its secrets."

"That's stupid." Meredith tapped her finger on the table impatiently. "It needs to be searched. Councilor Santoro forced his way into the AEC, why can't we do the same with the temple?"

"We can't just force our way inside! That's sacrilege." Ava briskly wiped down Lucas and sent him off to his room to play, probably so he wouldn't overhear too much of Meredith's heresy. "Not only would the people not stand for it, but the shock could tip The Most Holy One into an early grave."

Meredith pushed herself to her feet. "C'mon, guys, we're running out of ideas here and I don't know about you, but I'll be damned before I let my child starve to death. In fact, there you go. That's a solution to Ava's problems. I don't believe in your religion so you can relax and let me search the temple and I'll be damned instead of you."

"Meredith!" Ava scolded sharply.

"We need to get in there to look and you both know that," Meredith stabbed her finger through the air. "It's the only place left."

Grimacing, Julian picked up his bowl to toss back the last of his soup before standing up. "We can't force our way in, but we can ask again. My last request was refused, but with things so much direr they have to see reason. Both of you must content yourselves with that."

The next day, Meredith and JJ worked at the AEC, Ava dove into reading histories of the Temple for any clues about a second God machine, and Julian took their suspicions to the council to officially request a meeting with the temple leaders.

He returned later that day with stooped shoulders. "The temple is still refusing us access. The Most Holy One himself rose from his bed to forbid it, saying that to allow a search party of guards into the lower halls would disturb the spirit of the place and risk angering the heavens at a time when we can least afford it."

Meredith argued with Julian about it for the rest of the day and all through dinner until she was hoarse-voiced and red in the face. He kept insisting he couldn't act against the temple without permission. Ava stayed out of their argument, eating while reading another book on religion.

Lucas took advantage of her distraction to fish out the few chunks in his soup before abandoning the rest of the watery broth and running away to his room to play. He ignored his mother's shouts to come back. Ava groaned but seemed too tired to race after him. Sighing, she split the extra broth into everyone else's bowls and went back to her reading.

"Ew, germs." Meredith wrinkled her nose.

Ava gulped down her bowl of broth with one eye still on the page in front of her. "You need the calories for JJ and your big brain, so shut up, eat it, and let me read."

"Yes, dear," Meredith said sarcastically, though not without a hint of fondness. Ava's rudeness only came out in times of stress, but it reminded Meredith of why their friendship actually worked. She drank down the broth.

Turning back to Julian once finished, Meredith resumed her arguments for why he needed to gather all his guards and scientists and storm the temple steps.

"Enough! I am sick of your nagging! Even if the two of us tried to force our way into the temple—alone, since no guard or councilor would damn themselves by going along with us—we'd either be stopped by the priests themselves or lost in the maze of corridors deep below the temple. There is nothing more to be done!"

Since she couldn't get by the guards to search the place by herself, Meredith clenched her fists, snatched up JJ, and left the room in a snit. If she didn't find something to distract herself from the idiocy of this place she was going to start screaming and she might never stop.

AN: I hope everyone had a good Easter yesterday. I listened to a lot of beautiful music, which was nice. Did anyone else listen to Andrea Bocelli's concert on YouTube? Gorgeous.