Chapter 48: Fight or Flight
She had been pretty out of it when she first woke up, even calling out to Killian who had seemingly vanished. Were it not for the rather familiar looking flute in her hands and the fact that her body felt like mush...she would have thought that the whole thing had really been a dream.
There was more screaming as she stumbled to her feet, initially moving towards the camp before her own fear paralyzed her. Kora was a powerful witch with great knowledge and skill in her craft and Artz was the novice with newly awakened magic that only ever seemed to work properly on her captain. Could she defeat Kora? Could she truly stand against the Queen of Hearts?
An image of her captain flickered through her mind; the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way he marveled over her hair, the way he made love to her… she couldn't do it. She couldn't face Kora … not on her own. She couldn't throw her life away by trying to fight a battle she knew she would not win and it made her stomach lurch in response. She couldn't let herself die...not now… Killian …when the hell did she become so selfish?
Then she heard her wheat colored haired friend, Lily, screaming before becoming silent and after a few more recognizable screams...she ran...she ran away...she was a fucking coward. She didn't know just how far away she had run off too but when she stumbled across a stream, she collapsed onto one of the larger rocks, trying not to cry.
All she seemed to be doing lately is crying and she fucking hated it! She had run away! She abandoned them! Her friends, Rem and Lily...they were dead. She could have at least saved them, but she had been too busy sleeping after fucking her captain!
Okay...she didn't regret getting it on with Killian because it wasn't just about her wanting him. He had wanted her and badly too with that insane hard on and they hadn't even gotten to the foreplay. They had barely even spoken! Seriously! Their conversation in the forest had gone from her inside joke of saying hello to pickpocketing/ introductions to flirting/ seducing then shifted gears and straight into foreplay/sex.
She pulled herself up onto the rock so she could sit more comfortably, her hands all jittery from the adrenaline still pumping through her veins. Artz wasn't sure what to do now. She was out in the middle of nowhere, she was alone in ogre infested woods, she had literally left her friends and all those innocent people to die...just to save her own skin.
Her mind drifted to a certain blonde haired savior. She knew...Emma would never forgive her for this...for running away, for being a coward, for not lifting a single finger to save them, for being so fucking selfish. What little bit of friendship they had was going to die because of this.
She loved Emma...she hadn't meant to get so involved with the blonde savior, mainly wanting to work behind the scenes to help, but Emma kept seeking her out. She doubted that the blonde even realized just how much she had come to rely on the ginger. She knew that her friend used her as a moral compass, an informal therapist, an information broker, and a glorified guidance counselor.
As a result, Artz Lanaria had finally gotten what she always wanted...a sister...yet even that seemed wrong. The red head knew that something was missing or maybe someone. There had been her elder brother, Trinity, and her good buddy, Anthony, and all the people that she talked to online, but...there was a hole, an empty void that didn't belong.
Is that why she felt so alone? Why it was so difficult to believe that she was special? Honestly, she viewed herself as inconsequential and irrelevant to the events happening around her. She felt like she didn't belong...anywhere...even here in The Enchanted Forest where there was magic and mayhem, quests and treasures, mythical beings and a whole new world for her to explore...but she didn't belong.
All those people she had left to die, they had been so kind to her. They didn't hate her or ignore her. They acknowledged her existence, asked for her help, sought out her opinion, treated her like an actual human being...The Crimson Savior...that's what they had called her. Some savior she turned out to be.
She couldn't go back but she also couldn't face Emma and the others. Killian was gone...he chose revenge over her. Had she really expected him to just give up on killing The Crocodile? His absence told her everything she needed to know, verifying what she already knew.
She was not special, she was not important, she did not have meaning, she was nothing, she didn't belong, she was unwanted and unneeded...nobody truly cared.