A/N - This chapter is very Elsa-centric. In fact... it doesn't really feature anybody else lol Either way, I'm in love with the first few paragraphs; I think it's an important conversation that needed to happen.
Next chapter brings Anna back, and starts the climax. The beginning of the end, if you will.
Quick note before you review: anti-Elsa guest reviews, and anti-Anna guest reviews are not welcome, so please don't waste your time! This is Anna's story, but Elsa plays an imporant part (as family typically does). Thanks for being kind and respectful!
Enjoy!
Elsa had spent the better part of the day with her mother. Their conversation felt never-ending. There were good moments, and very ugly ones. She was a very forgiving person. Very gentle and kind. She never intended to hurt anyone, ever. She made that clear to her mother before sharing her feelings. She was angry for Anna; on her behalf. She was in pain for her. She'd expressed her pain in regards to their difference in given attention. "You favoured me, and forgot about her," she'd told her. "She needed love, too. And I know what your intentions were. I understand both sides. I just feel so much hurt for her. What if it cannot be undone?"
Iduna was more than willing to listen to her love, and more than wanting to hear every word. She kept an arm around her child; an embrace she'd been denied for so many years. "I'm afraid I'll always say the wrong thing," she'd admitted. "I knew too late of the consequences we'd left you both to deal with. I wish with all my heart that Anna felt more love in her life. I regret not spending more time with her. We were, as parents, entirely unprepared in regards to the lives we were given, and the daughters we were blessed with. I love you both with all my heart, and am beyond proud of the incredible and capable women you've become. Before I must leave again, I assure you I will do all in my power to make sure that Anna knows how loved she is."
It had comforted her for the moment. She'd aired her feelings in regards to her own treatment, disagreeing with how things were handled. She'd told her; "I understand the panic, and the lack of knowledge on how to handle a situation like the one we faced as a family. The way it made me feel; the things that were said—I think it could've been handled better. It was harmful, the things I was told. Anna makes a point of reminding me how abusive it was. A form of brainwashing, if you will. And I know that wasn't the intention, but it has left me feeling very unstable. I still have flashes; moments when I doubt myself and my ability to exist. I try to see the beauty in it, but I still to this day feel the fear."
It hurt her to hear, but she absorbed every word. "You are incredibly well-spoken, my darling." She was so proud. She couldn't believe these women were hers. "As unhelpful as apologies may be—I know words don't work for everyone—I do feel the need for you to know how truly and terribly sorry I am for the pain your father and I caused you. I too believe things could've been handled better. We simply did not know what else to do, and perhaps, amidst our panic, and fear of losing our dear Anna, we acted poorly. We created unnecessary consequences that could've been avoided if we'd chosen faith over fear. Please know that we do not fear you, sweet Elsa. We do not fear what you are capable of. We absolutely adore every part of you. We know you and your sister would've figured things out together, but we learned that too late, and will hold that sorrow and regret for the rest of our days."
It was all she needed to hear. Everything she'd dreamt of being told had finally been said. And then she wanted to be alone. Iduna promised to return, on behalf of Elsa's wishes. But for now, the monarch needed to think. She processed things better on her own. She wanted time to freeze for a moment. The past few days had been so incredibly disorienting. She was starting to feel time. She felt like she'd been gone for ages. The consequences of death were starting to hit her. It was a trauma. Yet another thing she'd have to face on her own terms.
The conflicting, overwhelming feelings made her magic uncontrollable again. She'd previously mastered it; she controlled every aspect of it for a while. That control was quickly slipping away. The only difference that she noticed now from the time she was young, was that now, she wasn't afraid. She wasn't phased by the state of her room. She couldn't be bothered. She needed to feel. She understood that now. Letting out her thoughts and emotions helped.
"Do you choose us?"
The voice startled her, snapping her out of her daze. She spun around. She was, only moments before, staring out the window, contemplating what was next to come. She'd dreamed of being alone until Anna returned. Instead, she was faced with the unexpected. There was a stranger in her room; in her safe space. To add to her discomfort, the woman was unclean, as if she'd been sleeping outdoors. She was nude. She was foreign.
She spoke delicately. "I spoke to Anna."
"Who are you?" Elsa questioned, keeping her arms crossed tightly around her waist. "Are you one of Anna's friends?" She was uneased; uncomfortable.
"Can you help me?"
Elsa stared at her; brows slightly furrowed. She wasn't okay with any of this. "You really shouldn't be in here. I thought the door was locked."
"I did not need the door," the woman replied, taking half a step closer. "I remember you. You died in Ahtohallan. I saw your soul in the void."
As if her discomfort could grow. "You're a spirit," she stated the obvious. "Anna is the one you wanna talk to. I don't know much about what's happening."
"If you ask the spirits of Ahtohallan to return, we will all be free," the woman said quietly. "Your mother is a spirit now. She can relay the message. It will only be temporary. We need time. We need the power."
"I'm sorry, I really know nothing," Elsa pushed. "You'll have to talk to my sister."
The woman looked at her with sad eyes. She held out her hand. "Come with me?"
Elsa didn't know what to say. The question caught her completely off guard. She dropped her arms, taking half a step back. "No thank you. I'm fine here."
The woman stepped closer, reaching out a little more. "Come with me. Please. Let me show you the other side. I will return you safely."
"The other side?" It did intrigue her. Then she remembered what happened last time. "Where's Anna?"
The woman shook her head. "I need you, Elsa. Come with me to the void. You have been before. It will not harm you. It will educate you. You will be back before they know you're gone."
Elsa eyed the woman's hand, tempted. "You're sure?"
She nodded. "I promise. Come with me." She held her hand out flat, begging to be taken. Elsa's hesitance grew as quickly as her curiosity did. The woman stepped closer; "You have your own purpose. Your own connections. Let Anna deal with the big things. Help me free Ahtohallan."
The blonde lost her curiosity. "Ahtohallan stole my life," she said quietly, crossing her arms again. "It stole my parents. It ruined everything."
The woman gave her a look of empathy. "I understand. If you help us, your life will return to normal. Save yourself. Come." She gestured with her fingers, begging for her hand to be grabbed.
Elsa still wasn't sure, but the desire was tough to resist. She reached out with a shaky hand, touching her pale fingertips to dark ones. "You're sure it won't take long?"
"Hardly any time will pass here," she said simply. "Come." She reached out more and was successfully able to take Elsa's hand in her own. The monarch's eyes fell shut without control, and when she was able to open them, her world was dark. She was taken aback yet again.
Their hands slipped out of the grasp. Elsa turned to the woman, eyes widening. She was clean now, and looked very much alive. Her gown was a deep blue; barely touching the floor beneath their feet. Her hair fell in loose coils just past her shoulders; a single braid framing her face. She smiled at Elsa. "Look around."
She found it oddly difficult to look anywhere else, but for the sake of manners, she shifted her gaze. They were surrounded by a never-ending darkness. If Elsa hadn't been here before, she probably would've clung to the floor in fear of falling- but she had been here before. She remembered it. Before they left for her journey, the spirits had led her here. The same magical particles remained.
"This is you."
Elsa turned her attention back to the other woman, who was conjuring a spell above her hands. The magic was dark; sparkly. Elsa hadn't seen it before. "That's not me," she'd argued lightly.
"It's where you come from," the woman corrected. They made eye contact. She spoke again; "your power comes from here. You need this connection."
"I thought it came from Ahtohallan?" She looked down at her hands with confusion, then back up at the woman. "Has anyone told any truth?"
"Everyone tells their own version; their own truth," she said. "Is there ever any real truth, Elsa?"
It made her think. She didn't like it. Anna seemed to unintentionally play those "mind games" as well; she'd often say things that gave Elsa a headache, or an existential crisis. "I'm so tired," she breathed. Her mind felt exhausted. Thinking was becoming difficult.
"I want to be like you," the woman said, gently caressing Elsa's cold hand. "I want to be alive."
Elsa looked at her with sad eyes. "Your life was stolen," she said, understanding. "And you want…" she wasn't sure. "You want the forest to be yours again?"
She nodded. "We want to breathe again," she said softly. "We want life again. But you have to help Anna free Ahtohallan, for our sake. For everyone. Our motives are selfish, yes, but it will benefit us all."
She understood. "Where are we?" She held her hand out, indicating the darkness around them. "Did you bring Anna here?"
They made eye contact. The dark woman smiled; "Anna cannot come here. She is not like you. She is ordinary."
"In the most extraordinary way," Elsa added. "How can she help you if she's unable to be here?"
"She has faith," she explained. "She has purity. She understands. She doesn't need to directly connect to know. She can do it from afar. And she will. She agreed to help. Elsa…"
"Yes?"
"I saw your spirit in Ahtohallan," she revealed again, to Elsa's surprise. "I've… I saw you for many months. I watched over you. I couldn't get to Anna until you were breathing. I made sure her path led her to Eira."
She was shocked. "So, we can trust Eira?"
She nodded surely. "Of course. She wants the same as us. We're just not going at it in the same way, unfortunately. But we all want the same outcome."
"Does Eira want life, too?"
She shook her head. "She wants peace. Astrid wants immortality; to be a guardian. Myself and many others want another chance. A murder is never fair. There is no justice unless we serve it ourselves."
"You want vengeance?" It was a genuine question. Elsa was relieved when the other woman shook her head again; "we want peace. We want our land back. We believe our justice is to continue life, unbothered. To not waste any time thinking of our assailants."
She hesitated before asking; "do you remember what happened?"
Sadness filled her dark brown eyes, and her gaze fell. She nodded only barely. "As if it happened yesterday."
Elsa felt her heart tighten. "I'm so sorry."
The woman took a breath of strength and made eye contact again. "I thank you for your interest, and for your great desire to understand. I hope you feel all right with all of this. I'd hate to cause pressure or discomfort. The spirits saw what your sister is capable of and have been following her for many years now. We believe she's ready now to help us. We didn't want to overwhelm her before."
"I'm afraid she's always been overwhelmed," Elsa said softly. "But I'm sure she'd be more than happy to play hero for one more day."
The woman gently put her hand on Elsa's shoulder; "not play, Elsa. She is a hero."
She nodded once; surely. "Of course. She is everybody's hero." She put her hand over her heart. "She is my hero."
They stayed in a silent comfort for a moment before another question came to Elsa's mind. "I forgot to ask… What is your name?"
A light chuckle escaped the woman's lips. "I forget these things," she admitted. "I am Silja."
She tightened her grip on the other woman's hand. "I'll do everything in my own power to help you find your peace, Silja."
A/N - TMI that nobody asked for: my own mother is incredibly abusive, so it felt really challenging but also warming to write that scene of Elsa & Iduna. I'd like to write more of them, but that'll have to wait til after the tale unfolds. Perhaps a few epilogue chapters will be needed?
I also want to give a content warning for upcoming chapters. There's a bit more mature content. Some sexual content, but mostly semi-graphic violence (not sexual violence, might I add). I will give proper content warnings at the beginning of each chapter that needs a warning, but I thought I'd give you a heads' up anyways.
elenascanonico - Thank you for your words! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!
Feedback is always appreciated! I noticed a lot of familiar usernames were missing from the review list last chapter... I truly hope you're all doing okay! My heart and love goes out to you. Take care xx