Chapter 43
Emily opened her eyes later in the afternoon to Hotch stroking her arm. She turned her head around and he looked right at her with a soft smile.
"Hi.", he said, reaching over and giving her a kiss.
"Hi... what are you doing? How long have you been up? Did you even end up taking a nap?", she asked.
"I did. I only woke up a few minutes ago but... I didn't want to leave you.", he said, kissing her shoulder.
She turned her whole body around to face him completely and lay on her side. She held onto the covers against her chest and rubbed her legs against his under the covers.
"So... think you can walk yet?", she smiled.
"Probably.", he laughed, stroking her arm still. "Oh. I totally forgot."
"What?", she asked.
"Happy Thanksgiving, hun.", he said, giving her a kiss.
"Oh, it's Thanksgiving. How did I forget that? Well, happy Thanksgiving to you too, babe.", she said, giving him another kiss back.
"I know we can't do anything too crazy like have a big dinner with a bunch of family or anything... but... what would you like to do tonight?", he asked.
"I don't care what we do for dinner. But after, maybe we could roast s'mores?", she said.
"I haven't done that in ages.", he laughed. "Sounds good."
"Neither have I but this seems like the perfect place to. Is there anymore dry wood for a fire?", she asked.
"Yeah, I brought it all inside last night. We have a fire pit right outside too so we can use that.", he said.
"Perfect.", she said, kissing him and getting out of bed.
Hotch did the same and they both got dressed again in their sweatpants and sweatshirts.
"What time is it?", she asked.
Hotch checked his phone and set it back on the nightstand. "It's already 6:00.", he said.
"Damn. We slept a long time.", she laughed.
"Yeah, well, we were both pretty tired...", he walked over to her and put his arms around her, sliding his hands down to her ass and squeezing it. "... You really wore me out.", he said.
"Yeah, I could say the same about you. Think I still have a handprint on my ass from you?", she laughed.
"It's possible.", he said.
"It's very likely. I had no idea there was that side of you. But I also can't say I'm surprised.", she said, running her hands up his chest to link around his neck.
"I'm sorry. I don't always get like that. You just really did something else to me. If I went too far...", he said.
"No. You definitely didn't. Not at all. I enjoyed every minute of everything we did. If I ever don't, I'll let you know.", she said, giving him a kiss.
"You told me to tell you what I love about your body and then you had me focusing on every part of it. I just felt this urge...", he said, looking her up and down.
"Aaron, you can smack my ass.", she laughed.
"Okay, I just wanted to check in about it.", he said.
"And that is why I respect you and love you. You respect me. So thank you but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it and everything else you did.", she told him, smirking.
"I respect every part of you. I just want you to be able to see that.", he said.
"I do. Don't worry. You're probably the most respectful man I've ever been with or really, even know.", she said.
"Can I ask you something?", he said.
"Anything.", she said, rubbing the back of his head.
"You mentioned a little while ago that there were some guys who weren't always... well, respectful I guess... after sex. That they don't make you feel loved. Did someone ever hurt you?", he asked, scared of what her answer might be.
"No. Not in the way you're thinking. Not physically.", she said.
"Emotionally?", he asked.
"Sure, it's happened a decent amount.", she said.
"That's not right, Em.", he said, looking down.
"Aaron, it's all in the past now. I'm with you. I know you love me. I feel safe with you. Please... don't worry about all those other guys.", she said.
"It just hurts me knowing that someone didn't care enough for you.", he said, bringing his head back up.
"Don't let it. It doesn't matter anymore. I have you. You're all I could ever ask for.", she said.
"What did I do to deserve you?", he asked.
"I don't know but you have me.", she told him.
"I'm glad I do.", he said.
"Come on, let's figure out dinner. I must've worked up an appetite.", she said, grabbing his hand and walking downstairs. They walked into the kitchen and he grabbed his keys from the table.
"Let's go to the little store up the road and get a couple things for dinner.", he said.
"Okay. Let me grab our shoes.", she said, walking upstairs and coming back down with them.
They got in the car and drove up the road to the store. They walked around it for a couple minutes before he stopped. He grabbed a can of tomato soup, cheese and bread along with chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallows for s'mores.
"That's practically fake cheese. It's all artificial. It's processed cheese. You really wanna get that?", she asked.
"I have a request.", he said.
"And what's that?", she asked.
"Will you make me your amazing grilled cheese? And I'll cook tomato soup?", he asked.
"Fine. But don't expect it to be that good. Like I said, artificial.", she said, pointing to the box of velveeta.
"Ooey gooey, Em. Ooey gooey. That's all that matters sometimes for a good grilled cheese which you are really good at.", he said, walking up to the cash register.
They bought the food and drove back to the cabin. They walked into the kitchen and pulled out a pot and pan. Before they started cooking, Hotch pulled out his phone and plugged it into the speakers in the living room.
"What do we want to listen to?", he asked Emily.
"Surprise me. Choose a random playlist.", she said.
He closed his eyes and picked a random playlist.
"Country it is, I guess. But the good kind.", he said.
"There's very few country songs I like so they better be good.", she told him.
"Em, it's me. I only like the good stuff.", he said.
She rolled her eyes and started cooking two grilled cheeses as he heated up the canned soup. They pulled out some bowls and plates and served the food for themselves when it was all ready. He grabbed two beers from the fridge and they sat down out on the patio inside, getting some fresh air through the screen windows.
"Mmmm. Ooey gooey, Em. I told you. It may be fake cheese but it's a guilty pleasure.", he said, taking his first bite of the grilled cheese.
"Fine. It tastes good. Whatever. But wow, Aaron, I mean, come on. This tomato soup... is just... wow. That's talent right there.", she said sarcastically.
"Alright, it may be from a can but it still hits the spot.", he said, rolling his eyes.
They both laughed and continued to eat. After a few minutes, he raised his beer bottle as she did the same.
"I just want to say that I know this isn't a typical Thanksgiving and this year has been wild but it's given me a lot to be thankful for. One main thing, especially with it being a new one, is you. I'm so thankful for you being in my life, Em. You make me happier everyday and I love you so much for that, so thank you.", he said.
"I'm thankful for all that typical stuff. Health, happiness, family. Well... maybe not the family one.", she laughed. "But most of all, I'm thankful for you too. For you coming back into my life and continuing to make me happy as well. I couldn't ask for more.", she smiled, clinking their beer bottles together.
All of a sudden, he heard a song come on. He wiped his hands with his napkin and got up, running inside the living room.
"Aaron, what are you doing?", she called after him.
"Hold on!", he said.
He went to the closet and grabbed a guitar. He picked it up and quickly tuned it just good enough before walking over to his phone and restarting the song, "Wagon wheel", and turning it up. He ran back out the patio and sat back down on the bench, pulling it out a bit more.
"Where did you get that?", she laughed but also excited to see what was about to happen. She hadn't seen him grin like that many times before but she loved it.
He didn't answer but just started playing the guitar to his favorite country song he had just restarted. She was amazed at how he was going with the somewhat upbeat song perfectly. His fingerpicking on the strings was just right in time with it and he started singing but in a fake country voice, joking around. He started laughing in the middle but kept on with singing it and playing the music.
His laugh was contagious and she couldn't help but start herself as she watched what was happening and the stupid smile he had on his face. The way he tapped his foot with the rhythm while strumming, completed the whole thing. She couldn't help but enjoy every minute of what he was doing. Once the song was over, he stopped and smiled, looking up at her.
"So you play the guitar.", she said.
"I guess I never told you that, huh?", he laughed.
"No, I think I'd remember that!", she said.
"Yeah, that's uh- one of my favorites to play. I learned to play that a long time ago. My dad taught me. Carson and I used to play a lot together too when he'd come up here. This place just- has a great vibe for all of that. I don't know. That probably doesn't make sense.", he said.
"It makes perfect sense. I love that. And I'd love to hear you play something else too.", she said.
"Sorry, hun but that was all you're getting, at least for tonight. Maybe some other time when my guitar is tuned better and I'm not put on the spot like that!", he chuckled.
"When you're not put on the spot? That was pretty spontaneous of you right now with what you just did!", she said.
"Yeah but that song just brings it out in me.", he said, getting up and walking back inside to put the guitar away. "I'll show you something else another time, alright?", he said, walking back out to her and sitting down to finish his food.
"Fine. Whatever.", she said, rolling her eyes. "You were really good by the way. What else do you play?"
"How do you know I do play anything else?", he tested her.
"I just do. Now tell me.", she said.
"Alright, well, there's also a banjo in there. My dad was into some country. I might know a bit on that. I'm pretty good on the drums. And also the trumpet but I haven't played anything for a while.", he said, dipping his grilled cheese in the soup.
"How did you learn to play all those?!", she asked, shocked.
"Like I said, my dad was into country. He taught me guitar and banjo. Carson and I almost started a small band with a couple other law school buddies until we realized we were in law school and had no time for that.", he laughed. "And the trumpet... a friend of mine played it back in high school, I thought it was very different and just started listening to a lot of jazz and even got some on vinyl. After when I got into Miles Davis... I got my own trumpet and just learned on my own and eventually started playing with that friend of mine.", he said.
"You did tell me this morning that you were full of surprises.", she said.
"Oh there's so many more.", he winked at her, taking a sip of his beer. "Well, what about you? Do you play any instruments that I somehow didn't know about either?", he asked.
"No. I learned piano when I was younger but wasn't too advanced and that was years ago. I'd love to learn everything you just said you know how to play though.", she said.
"I'm not amazing but I can teach you a little bit.", he said, clearing their plates and bringing them to the kitchen.
She got up and helped him do the dishes. Once they were all done, they went to the living room table and worked on the puzzle. The one they'd started earlier, before he had picked her up and carried her upstairs, having the best sex either of them had ever had.
"Aaron, it's been 30 minutes. How are you still not done with all the edge pieces for the border?", she asked.
"Because not everyone is a competitive, professional puzzler like you.", he laughed.
"I'm gonna take that as a compliment.", she said.
"Okay, fine. I give up. For now. Let's make some s'mores.", he said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
Emily got up and helped Hotch grab the stakes outside to the fire pit with the rest of things to make s'mores. He brought wood out, since it had finally stopped raining and had grown dark, and put it in the fire pit. Once the fire was going, they sat down in chairs next to it and started roasting their marshmallows.
"Okay, when was the last time you made s'mores?", she asked, rotating her marshmallow over the flames.
"I don't even remember. Probably some time with Sean when we were kids. So... a long time ago.", he laughed.
"You said you never really talk to him... Why is that?", she asked.
"We used to be close...", he said, pulling his marshmallow off the skewer and assembling the rest of the treat.
"And?", she tried to get him to continue.
"We used to be close. My father...", he shook his head, avoiding eye contact with her completely while he went on. He wasn't used to talking about it. He never talked about it. It never came up and he didn't know how to bring it up or with who, let alone any reason why he should. "I got it a lot worse than Sean. He's a lot younger than me and I didn't want to see him go through that. I took it a lot more. I wanted to protect him as much as I could from experiencing any part of it. Whether it was him seeing it or him taking the beatings. I eventually moved out and went to college. I don't know how bad it was after I left. I still carry that guilt around. We just didn't keep in contact much. Maybe that's why. He bounces from job to job and rides a motorcycle and can't stay in a relationship for more than a few months when he even does get into one. I think he feels like I left him and he didn't end up successful like me and never really had much motivation or support from anyone. That's not to say I feel like all of that is true but I just...", he shook his head again and took a bite of his s'mores, refusing to finish his sentence.
"Aaron...", she spoke quietly with sympathy in her voice.
"But it's fine. I can't do anything to change that.", he said, taking another bite, finishing it and looking out at the lake.
"Come here...", she said as she set her skewer down and stood up, taking his hand. She pulled him up onto his feet.
"Em, really, it's fine.", he said but she pulled him into her arms, wrapping them around his neck and his wrapped around her body, lower.
She pulled her face back and touched her forehead to his. "You can't blame yourself for anything. You did your best and you kept him from experiencing a lot of the abuse you did. You're a good brother. Even now, you continue to protect people because you're an amazing person. You're one of the bravest people I've ever known.", she said, stroking his face with her hand.
His eyes looked down, their foreheads still touching. She kept her eyes on him and he finally looked back at her with tears in his eyes that hadn't fallen yet. It broke her heart to see him like that. She'd only seen him cry once before and that was when Haley left with Jack. That was only a single tear that time and he was silent.
Emily pulled her head back and tilted it slightly. "Honey, it's okay to let it out.", she told him.
He sniffled and she saw a tear fall from his eye and she wiped it off. "Emily, I never talk to anybody about this. I don't think anyone even knows except Carson. I don't ever see the point in talking about it or how. That's the ridiculous part. I'm a profiler. We work these crazy cases where people are being killed and so many other disturbing things... I'm able to break down the mind of a serial killer and talk about that with others. But I can't even talk about my own childhood.", he chuckled, his voice cracking at the end. He struggled to find words and closed his eyes.
"Aaron, I know I didn't go through exactly what you did but... I have a lot of stuff I can't talk about with anybody at all. I know how much of a toll that takes on a person whether it's in the past or not because, well... it's not. It's still there. It'll be there with you forever. But that makes you stronger and braver and wiser. You can relate to a lot of people and help them. You already have. I believe in you.", she said, wiping one more tear off his face and placing her lips on his.
"I love you.", he said.
"I love you too.", she said, giving him another kiss.
"Thank you.", he said, rubbing her back up and down.
"I'm always here for you.", she said, giving him a soft smile.
"I know. And I appreciate that.", he told her
Realizing that was as much as she would get from him, she ran her hands down his chest. "So. How do you like your marshmallows? White, golden, crispy and slightly burned?", she asked, both of them sitting back down in their chairs right next to each other.
After almost an hour of them roasting marshmallows and talking and enjoying the fire, they went back inside and got ready for bed. They got in bed and faced each other. She scooted into his arms and they wrapped them around one another.
"I'm glad you opened up to me. I know it was hard.", she said.
"I trust you.", he said
"Good. I trust you too. ", she said.
He stared in her eyes and rubbed her leg. "I love you so much, Em.", he said.
"I love you too.", she said.
He gave her a kiss and said, "Let's get some sleep. I have a fun idea for tomorrow."
"Okay.", she said, giving him one last kiss.
She snuggled up in his arms and rested her head on his chest before they both fell asleep.