Hailey woke up to an empty bed and sighed. She had a feeling this was going to happen today. She got out of bed and slipped Jay's hoodie on before hurrying down the stairs.
She halted at the edge of the living room fully expecting to see him passed out on the couch, but he wasn't there. Her heart jumped in her throat and she wished she had grabbed her phone.
"Jay," she said while walking around the corner, hoping to see him at the kitchen table, but he wasn't there either.
Hailey took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. Where would he go? She sighed and went back upstairs to grab her phone.
As she called Will, she walked to Drew's room and opened his door. She swallowed at the sight and slowly lowered the phone, ending the call while slipping it into the pocket of the hoodie.
Jay was asleep on the trundle of Drew's bed, his arm up on the mattress with his hand resting next to Drew's.
She walked further in the room and knelt next to him. She kissed the top of his head before carefully getting on the small mattress with Jay.
He groaned quietly in his sleep and turned against her.
"I know," she whispered, "It's okay." She lightly ran her fingers down his back and breathed, "I'm here." She continued hushing him softly in his ear, trying to get the noises to stop from coming from his lips.
"Mom?"
Hailey looked up to see Drew propped himself up on his elbow to look down at them. "Hi sweetheart," she said softly.
"What're you doing here?" Drew asked.
"Um," Hailey glanced down at Jay, "Dad…came to check on you during the night and fell asleep."
"So why are you here?" Drew fully sat up and swung his leg over the side of the bed.
Jay groaned again and started shifting around on the bed.
Hailey stroked her thumb over his cheek, "Shh, you're okay."
Drew slowly got off his bed and slid down to sit on Jay's other side, "What's happening?"
"It's…um," Hailey sighed, "Go get ready for school."
Drew crossed his arms, "Why do you do this to me?"
"Just go," Hailey said, "Please."
"You make me so angry," Drew whispered while he left the room.
Hailey closed her eyes in annoyance before continuing her attempt to soothe Jay.
He woke up after a few minutes and blinked slowly while trying to remember where he was. He rubbed his eyes and sat up.
"You okay?" Hailey asked.
Jay just looked at her and nodded slightly. He squeezed her shoulder then walked out of the room.
Hailey sighed having expected that reaction, but still not pleased with it. She made Drew's bed and turned on the lights just as Drew walked back in.
"So?" Drew tapped his foot on the ground.
"Yeah?" Hailey picked out an outfit for him.
"Mom, I'm not stupid," Drew said.
"You're not allowed to say stupid," Hailey closed his closet.
"I'm eight now," Drew looked at the clothes she had laid on his bed.
"Doesn't change a thing," Hailey rubbed his back then walked out of the room.
Jay came out of the main bedroom while tightening his belt.
"Going somewhere?" Hailey asked.
"Gonna go hang out with Blake," Jay said and walked past her down the stairs.
"Jay," Hailey looked down to the first floor.
"I'm fine, Hailey," Jay slipped his shoes on.
"I love you," Hailey said just loud enough for him to hear her.
Jay smiled slightly while grabbing his keys and wallet, "Love you too," he slipped out of the house to go to his car.
Hailey heard his truck start and drive away. She breathed out and closed her eyes, hating what today did to her husband with every fiber of her being.
The NICU was silent minus the occasional beeping from Blake's monitors. Jay was laying back on the recliner with Blake on his bare chest. He was half asleep himself while Blake was moving around slightly against him.
He had spent the majority of the night fighting sleep, knowing what was going to haunt him if his eyes were shut for even just a minute too long. It was how he ended up in Drew's room. He was hoping that being near Drew would help keep his nightmares at bay, that didn't exactly happen though. They weren't as bad as they were on a "normal" night, but still not pleasant in the least.
He absentmindedly patted Blake's back and yawned. He tried his hardest to focus on Blake's tiny breaths brushing against his skin, it was just getting hard to stay awake enough to focus on that.
He turned his gaze to the monitors and watched Blake's heartbeat bounce up and down on the screen. If he thought hard enough, he could feel it.
The quiet beeping of the monitor mixed with the soft feeling of Blake breathing lulled Jay into the first restful sleep he'd had in hours.
"While we wait for our special guest, go ahead and work on this picture," Ms. Sampson said as she passed out a color-by-number.
Drew reached for a paper and stared at it. He hated these. They were always so easy to figure out just by looking at them. He could clearly see four people holding a long stick that had the American flag on the end.
He rolled his eyes and found his crayons in his desk to get to work. He tried ignoring the others at his table because they weren't doing it right. Drew knew that the best way to do color-by-number puzzles was to go piece by piece, not in number order. This way he could see the picture faster; it bothered his eyes to spread everything out.
Eventually, Ms. Sampson opened the classroom door and Drew looked up in time to see a man walk in wearing a completely camouflage outfit. It actually looked like the one he was coloring right then.
Ms. Sampson hugged the man before leading him to the front of the room and saying, "Everyone, this is my husband. His name is Michael and he used to be in the army. Can anyone guess why he came to school today?"
"It's your birthday!" one girl guessed.
Drew rolled his eyes. Ms. Sampson said her birthday was in February. Some people just don't pay attention.
"It's his birthday!" a boy yelled.
That could be right, but Ms. Sampson shook her head, "Nope, it isn't either of our birthdays. Look in your agenda. What does it say in small grey font next to the date?"
Drew quickly looked and shot his hand up in the air.
Ms. Sampson smiled at him and nodded, "Drew?"
"It's Veteran's Day," Drew said.
Ms. Sampson nodded, "Exactly. Thank you."
Drew smiled to himself and returned to coloring his picture while Ms. Sampson's husband started talking about what it means to be a soldier. Drew looked up after a while when the man started talking about proud he was to have served for the country and that it was worth the danger he experienced. He said it could be scary at times, but that he was proud to be a veteran.
Drew bit his lip and bent down to look through his desk. He found the picture he'd taken from the dark green photo album that had gotten a little crumpled in his pencil box and stared at it. He wondered if his dad was proud too or if he was only scared.
Hailey waved at the nurses as she walked to the back of the NICU. She smiled at Jay sleeping on one of the recliners. Blake was laying on his chest and they were haphazardly covered with a white hospital blanket.
She took a couple pictures of them then sat in the other chair and just stared at them. Her heart felt whole.
Blake's face was toward her and he slowly blinked his eyes.
Hailey smiled and whispered, "Hi, sweetheart. Does your daddy have you?"
Daddy.
It felt strange coming out of her mouth. She'd of course called Jay 'Dad' when talking to Drew, but there was a different feel to 'Daddy.' It made her feel like they were younger parents suddenly and like they were starting over. It sort of scared her, but, if possible, it just made her even more excited for what was to come.
She was looking forward to the time when Blake could say 'Daddy' and even 'Mommy' on his own. If he could say those words, that meant he was home. And if he was home, he beat this. He beat the wires and tubes and tremors.
She needed to keep looking forward to that day, so she didn't get caught up in this scary moment.
Blake made a soft noise that sounded like a cough and before Hailey could react, Jay's eyes shot open and he sat up to lightly pat him on the back.
"It's okay, you're okay," Jay whispered, "I'm here."
Hailey bent down to pick up the blanket that had fallen to the floor.
Jay jumped slightly, "I didn't see you there."
Hailey laughed softly and set the blanket back on his lap, "Sorry."
Jay looked back to Blake and stroked his thumb down his nose, "Deep breaths, buddy. Daddy's got you."
Hailey softened and pulled her legs up underneath her to continue watching Jay soothe Blake.
Jay eventually looked up when Blake quieted down, "When'd you get here?"
Hailey glanced at the clock on the wall, "Maybe half an hour ago?"
"Oh," Jay blushed, "I'm sorry I was-"
"You barely slept last night," Hailey shook her head, "Continue your nap, it's okay."
Jay smiled slightly, "I'm better now, not as tired."
Hailey nodded and reached out to lightly touch Blake's hand, "How's he feel?"
"Really good," Jay said softly, "He does feel like he gained weight."
Hailey smiled, "Good. Soon."
Jay nodded and rested his head back.
Hailey's eyes flickered to his and took a deep breath.
"I'm fine, Hailey," Jay breathed.
She raised an eyebrow and shifted in her chair.
"I swear," Jay closed his eyes.
"I hate when you lie," Hailey whispered.
"You know I hate today," Jay said.
"And I do too because of what it does to you," Hailey worked to move the chair even closer to Jay's, "But this year has to be different, Jay, it has to be."
Jay opened his eyes with a sigh, "If anything, it's worse."
"How?" Hailey asked.
"I have kids," Jay breathed shakily.
Hailey pursed her lips and thought for a moment before shaking her head, "I don't understand why that makes anything worse. I thought it'd make today hurt less."
"I came home and still had time with my parents and my brother," Jay started.
Hailey nodded, "And you feel guilty. That's what you've always said."
"And now," Jay took a deep breath, "I've created a family. I have you-"
"You've had me for years," Hailey whispered.
Jay shook his head, "I have, but I've never had an eight-year-old son. I've never had a baby. Hailey, I came home and built a life that so many others couldn't have."
"What have we said, though?" Hailey set her hand on Jay's arm, "What have we always said?"
Jay shook his head, "We never imagined kids when we were over there. It hurt too much because we'd have to…we'd have to k-" the words died on his lips and he tightened his hold on Blake.
Hailey nodded and dragged her fingers along his skin.
"Maybe they would have wanted this for themselves," Jay whispered, "Maybe they didn't. I don't know."
Hailey gently slid her hand to his, "Are you happy?"
"Of course I'm happy," Jay said.
"That's what they would have wanted," Hailey stated keeping her eyes steady on his.
Jay swallowed and nodded just slight enough that Hailey could catch the movement.
"We don't have to talk about it anymore," Hailey said softly, "But I'm not going to let you go through this alone."
Jay stared at her and took a deep breath before saying, "Thank you."
The corners of Hailey's mouth turned up just the slightest and she nodded.
"Want to sit with us?" Jay asked.
Hailey's smile widened and she nodded. She got out of her chair to carefully situate herself on Jay's lap. He shifted Blake closer to his left side and wrapped his right arm around Hailey. She rested her head on his shoulder and reached over to lightly run her fingers across Blake's bare back.
"Turn his head so he can see you," Jay whispered.
Hailey laughed softly and gently adjusted Blake. She fixed his oxygen tube and poked his nose, "There's my handsome boy."
Jay nudged the side of her head with his nose, "I thought I was your handsome boy."
Hailey rolled her eyes and turned to face him, her lips just an inch or so from his, "You're my handsome man."
"I think I like that even better," Jay chuckled before kissing her lightly.
"Thought you would," Hailey breathed.
"I'm lucky to have you," Jay said and sat back.
Hailey looked down at Blake and smiled. Her mouth opened then closed and she tilted her head to the side.
"Hmm?" Jay hummed.
"I think we're both lucky," Hailey said. She chewed her lip over her smile and nodded, "Actually, I know we are. Without you, I'd probably be a little stuck up and set in my ways and afraid to let anyone in."
"I could say the same about you," Jay squeezed her shoulder, "I've said it before, but you've pulled me out of some dark holes," he looked down at Blake, "And the shallow holes that I trip into every once in a while."
Hailey ran her hand over his hair, "I promised you I'd stick by you and I don't break promises."
Jay smiled, "You certainly do not."
"Which is why I think we should promise this guy something," Hailey said while turning her gaze to Blake, "What do you say, Daddy?"
Jay's face lit up and he chuckled, "I think that's a great idea, Mommy."
Hailey blushed, but still laughed in disbelief, "Can you believe we're someone's Mommy and Daddy?"
Jay laughed as well, "It sounds weird."
"We'll get used to it eventually," Hailey shook her head, "Anyways!"
Jay chuckled and squeezed her, "Okay, go for it, make our promise."
"All right," Hailey cleared her throat and tapped Blake's nose, "Your daddy and I promise you to always fight for you and to love you for ever."
"Also," Jay said; he waited for Hailey to lock eyes with him before continuing, "We promise to try our absolute hardest to be the best parents for you."
Hailey nodded, "We're going to make mistakes-"
"Don't set him up like that," Jay smirked.
Hailey rolled her eyes and laughed, "Let me finish."
Jay chuckled, "Go for it. Fix that sentence."
Hailey laughed again and shook her head, "Blake, we're going to make mistakes, but we promise to learn from them and to be better the next day."
Jay smiled at her, "I like that."
"I know, I'm good at speeches," Hailey teased.
"Mind if I wrap it up though?" Jay asked.
"Go for it," Hailed laid back again with her head on his shoulder.
"We promise," Jay took a deep breath, "To be fun and to make you laugh even when things get sad and scary," he slipped his finger within Blake's hand, "We want you to smile everyday."
"Perfect," Hailey whispered and kissed his jaw.
Jay pressed his lips to her forehead, "Like you."
"How sweet," Hailey breathed with a slight smirk.
Jay faked a gasp, "Isn't the correct response for you to say, 'Oh no, dearest husband, you're perfect?'"
Hailey laughed, "Is that what you want me to say?"
"Nah," Jay chuckled, "Not my thing."
Hailey smiled, "Well, too bad, because I think you are perfect."
"Even after-"
"Yes," Hailey placed her hand over his mouth, "Don't fight it."
Jay laughed against her hand and nodded.
Blake kicked his legs and gurgled.
"He agrees," Hailey smiled, "So no fighting it now. You are perfect, Daddy."
"Laying it on thick," Jay said.
"Some days you need the extra reminder," Hailey shrugged, "And I will always give it to you."
Jay waited a beat before whispering, "That's a little dirty."
Hailey burst into laughter and shook her head, "In front of our son."
Jay laughed and looked at Blake, "He has no idea."
"Let's hope," Hailey smiled.
Jay gently bounced Blake against him, "I love you."
Hailey watched him play with the tiny bit of black hair on the top of Blake's head and settled more against him, making herself comfortable. She was going to be here a while and there was honestly no place she'd rather be.
Drew stared out the window as Adam drove him to the hospital. When his mom dropped him off at school in the morning, she had said that she wasn't going to be able to pick him up and he was okay with that. It gave him time to think about what he learned today and compare it to what he knew from his dad.
He reached forward and lightly patted Adam's arm, "Mr. Adam?"
"Yeah, bud?" Adam glanced back at him through the mirror.
"Did you know today's Veteran's Day?" Drew asked.
Adam bit his lip and slowly nodded. Jay's always acted weird on Veteran's Day from the time they met, so he had no idea as to what he should even say to Drew right now.
"My dad was in a war," Drew said, "So he's a veteran, right?"
Adam took a deep breath, "Yeah, he is."
Drew nodded and sat back, "All right."
Adam looked back at him again, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Drew shrugged, "No, I'm just thinking about it."
"Okay," Adam breathed and focused back on the road, grateful that Drew stayed quiet the rest of the ride.
"Hi."
Jay and Hailey turned from the changing table to see Drew standing a few feet away with Adam behind him.
"Hey, honey," Hailey quickly walked over to him and hugged him tightly.
"That was certainly convenient," Jay mumbled and finished changing Blake's diaper.
"It wasn't super dirty," Hailey rolled her eyes and smiled at Adam, "Hey. Thanks for bringing him here."
"Of course," Adam smiled and walked past her, "So this is Blake?"
Jay looked up, "Yeah. Blake," he picked him up and cradled him in his arms, "Meet Mr. Adam."
"He's adorable," Adam chuckled and lightly tickled Blake's chest, "Hi there, how're you?"
Hailey noticed a strange look on Drew's face and raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"
Drew shrugged and chewed his lip, his eyes trained on Jay.
Hailey glanced behind her at Adam and Jay before setting a hand on Drew's shoulder and leading him away. She stopped once they were in the hallway and sat with him on the bench, "Did something happen with Dad this morning?"
"I'm confused," Drew said quietly, "Why aren't we celebrating Dad?"
Hailey breathed shakily, having wondered if this was going to happen, "Why would we celebrate Dad?"
"Isn't he a veteran?" Drew asked.
Hailey took a deep breath and nodded, "He is."
"So we should celebrate him," Drew shrugged, "When it was my day, we ate doughnuts and cake and had fun."
"That was your birthday though," Hailey set a hand on his knee, "Today isn't Dad's birthday."
"But it's Veteran's Day," Drew said, "I met a veteran today. Ms. Sampson's husband came to school and he talked about how proud he was to be a soldier and Ms. Sampson said we need to celebrate the people who risked their lives for us."
Hailey winced, "That's true, but-"
"So let's go buy Dad a cake," Drew stood, "Please. I want to celebrate Dad."
"Drew," Hailey shook her head, "We're not going to buy Dad a cake. He wouldn't want that."
Drew's face fell, "Why not?"
Hailey sighed and rubbed her face, "It just makes him uncomfortable, okay?"
"But why?" Drew asked.
"It's not my place to say," Hailey squeezed his knee.
"Fine," Drew started walking into the NICU.
"No, no," Hailey breathed and quickly followed him, but was too late.
Drew stood next to Jay still talking to Adam and tugged his shirt, "Why can't we celebrate Veteran's Day today?"
Adam's eyes widened and he slowly backed away. He himself didn't know exactly why Jay usually took the day off or why he kept to himself every November 11, but he did know not to ask.
Jay's mouth ran dry and he looked toward Hailey.
"Sorry," she breathed.
Jay didn't know what to say. He tried searching his brain, but nothing came to mind.
"I should go," Adam said softly. He lightly touched the top of Blake's head, "I promise to see you again soon. I'll bring Kim next time and we'll give you all the hugs in the world." He patted Jay's arm, "See you," he walked out, squeezing Hailey's shoulder as he passed her.
"Um," Jay choked out and sat in one of the recliners, "Um…"
"Mom said she can't tell me," Drew said and stood to Jay's side to stare at him.
Hailey bit her lip as she sat in one of the other chairs.
"Is this why you slept in my room?" Drew asked.
"Can you just take a second and stop talking while I think?" Jay finally whispered.
Drew nodded and sat in the last chair to wait.
Jay took another deep breath, "I…I don't really like Veteran's Day because it makes me feel really bad about all the people who didn't get to come home and their families."
"Why didn't they come home?" Drew asked.
Hailey shook her head and put her hand out toward him, "Sweetheart-"
"It's fine," Jay said. He cleared his throat, "Some people didn't come home because they died."
"Oh," Drew breathed. He looked shocked as he sat back in the seat. He looked between Jay and Hailey before lightly scratching his arms.
"Don't scratch," Jay whispered.
Drew shoved his hands under his legs and blinked quickly, nodding.
Jay swallowed against the lump in his throat, "I'm sor-"
"Don't apologize," Hailey shook her head and rubbed Jay's arm.
"Are you still proud?" Drew asked quietly.
Jay thought for a moment then nodded, "I am. I'm proud of what it meant for me to go there. I'll be honest though, I'm not proud of some of the things I did and had to do and, before you ask, I don't want to talk about that, okay?"
Drew just nodded and continued staring at Jay. "Am I allowed to be proud of you?" he whispered.
Knowing Jay would fight it, Hailey jumped in and said, "Yes. I'm proud of dad too."
Drew finally smiled, "Ms. Sampson's husband said he risked his life going to war, but that it was worth it to know we're safe. Do you think that true?"
Jay relaxed and smiled slightly back at him, "I do. Risking my life was worth it just to come home to Mom and you and Buzz," he laughed softly and gently bounced Blake in his arms, "It was worth it knowing that I could have a family like you three where we can be free to actually be a family."
"Because we don't share blood?" Drew guessed.
Jay nodded, "Exactly."
"I really like our family," Drew said softly and looked at Blake, "We're really special. Blake's tiny, but he made me a big brother, and Mom's the nicest person ever and gives the best hugs, and you always protect me and you keep us safe."
"And you," Jay lightly poked Drew's nose, "Make me and Mom laugh and remind us of all the good things in the world."
Drew smiled, "I'm glad I can do that for you."
"You really are the sweetest person ever," Hailey said.
Drew shrugged, "I try."
Jay and Hailey finally laughed.
"Come here," Hailey smiled and put her hands out.
Drew walked over to her and carefully sat on her lap.
"We love you so much," Hailey whispered and kissed the back of his head.
"I love you too," Drew turned and hugged her tightly.
Jay walked downstairs after tucking Drew into bed and went straight for the photo albums in the shelves by the TV.
Hailey looked up from her laptop, "What're you doing?"
"Just thought I'd look at some stuff," Jay said while grabbing the dark green photo album. He brought it to Hailey and sat next to her on the couch.
Hailey put her laptop on the side table and sat up just to curl into his side.
Jay kissed the side of her head before opening up the album to look through the pictures they'd collected over the years of them at work. There were a handful of pictures from Jay's time overseas and a few from Hailey's time in Robbery-Homicide.
Jay was flipping to the back of the book to find the picture of him and Mouse when Hailey's hand shot out and she stopped him.
"Wait," she said and slid the album onto her lap. She turned back a few pages and stared at the empty slot, "I know there was a picture here."
"Yeah," Jay looked at the pages before and after it, "I actually think I know what one it was."
"In our uniforms at that charity event?" Hailey guessed.
Jay nodded, "What the hell? Where'd it go? It was one of my favorites."
"Mine too," Hailey sighed, "I'll just print another one, it's not a big deal."
Jay couldn't even remember the last time he'd looked at this photo album. He pursed his lips and shook his head, "That's going to bother me."
"It's fine," Hailey rubbed his back, "We must have taken it out and forgot about it."
"No," Jay sighed, "We don't do that." He reached around Hailey and grabbed her laptop, "I'm going to order a home security system."
Hailey laughed, "Jay, it's a picture."
He waved her off, "I've been wanting one for a while now anyways, it's not a big deal."
"Home security systems are expensive," Hailey said, "That's a big deal, we're about to bring a baby home and pay for all his diapers and formula."
"We have another few weeks before that even happens, don't worry," Jay shook his head. After a quick minute of Googling, he said, "Okay, look at this one, it has good reviews and all those rich people have it."
Hailey couldn't help but roll her eyes, "Whatever." She picked up the photo album and continued flipping through the pictures while Jay walked away to find his credit card.
A/N: Hi! I've been working on this one for the past three days and I'm really proud of it. I wanted to take my time and I hope it shows. :) Please let me know what you think! Have a great day!