I am BLOWN away by your responses and theories. And I am humbled. Thank you so freaking much for still sticking with this.

Chapter 71 – this isn't my home.

The next morning: Monday, August 31st, 2020

CPOV

I stayed in my study till about 2am after my conversation with Ana. When I walked back to our room I half expected to not see her sleeping in our bed but there she was. I was almost certain she would've gone to her room instead to be far away from me. After memorial day weekend, during a joint therapy session she had promised to not withdraw herself and run to her room at the first sign of conflict and since then we had fought here and there but it never lasted more than a few hours or day. Seeing her still laying in our bed gave me some hope.

In the morning I decided to let her sleep in and stay home but while having breakfast she walked out dressed for work.

She insisted on making her own breakfast and sat next to me while she ate it, checking her phone through out. Apparently she woke up early morning and made cookies as well. Again, it wasn't something out of the ordinary but given everything last night, I didn't expect her to act so normal.

I wanted to hear her voice even though I had actively avoided her all week. Still, being near her like this was a respite.

"Ana, you don't have to go into work today... take some time off." I say after battling with myself on how to start a conversation with her.

"No, it's okay. I need to finalize the winners of the stem cell research grant. I'm almost done with them." She replies drinking the last of her tea then hops off and takes her dishes to the sink much to Gail's protest.

Once I'm done with my own breakfast, I walk back to our room and find her in the bathroom singing and putting a ribbon in her hair

She's missing Ray. I try to push the thought away.

"Hannah, can take care of the applications, you really don't have to go."

My sudden appearance startles her and she takes a few moments before answering.

"I'd prefer to go. You don't have to worry about me." She says quietly.

"Of course, I worry about..." before I can finish the sentence she looks back in my direction and the look in her face stops me dead in my tracks.

"Please stop... it's... I just want to go to work."

I don't push her any further and we ride to GEH in silence complete silence.

"Taylor, please drop me in front." She asks as we near GEH. It's an odd request but I don't think too much of it.

"Oh, you don't have to come with me." She says. "I need to stop at 18th before I go to my office , so you can head on through the garage." She says, closing the door before I can I reply.

I still get out but she has a good head start on me and gets into one of the elevators that close before I get to it.

She's avoiding me. I guess I deserve that.

According to our calendar we're supposed to have lunch at the Met Grill but Andrea tells me that Hannah sent her an email cancelling it saying Ana was busy.

I deserve that too. I cancelled lunch on her thrice last week. Each time, I had Andrea do it. I revoked access to my office. She's never just waltzed in and always asked Andrea before coming by or would text me but Andrea told me she came by twice last week and that she turned her away saying that I was in a conference call or in one case, outright lied to her on my instruction that I was out of the building. Still, she did small things like leaving with Andrea a small treat for my afternoon coffee from the new French bakery that opened near GEH. She knows I like their pain au chocolat so she got me one with a small note that read

A little coffee treat to help sweeten your afternoon :)

Love you,

A

Here I was, wanting back in.

I had arranged for a Fazioli grand piano to be sent for Aria along with a tutor who was an understudy at the SF Philharmonic. Rania called me mid week freaking out and sent a video of Aria screaming with joy saying thank you over and over again. It warmed my heart and distracted me from my current dilemma for a few minutes.

I asked her about the log in codes that Mr. Benoit sent her, which showed the first entry into the Presidio Terrace house on Saturday morning at 2:53am with Vishaal's code being punched in, and the door opened again at 4:18am. Which confirmed what Ana said about what he did after he brought her home... but there weren't any cameras in the house. The camera outside the door shows him carrying her in and then leaving but it was still circumstantial. Seeing the video ripped my heart into a million pieces all over again. She was almost lifeless in his arms.

I meet with Welch to get an update on the new club SARVAK is bankrolling. We delayed the opening by having it vandalized, which set them back at least a month. Welch was able to get one of the inspector's assigned to the project at the building department to see things our way and revoke their certificate of occupancy including greasing the right palms to further a delay in their liquor license.

Leila and Phoebe never made it back to the hotel that night. They disappeared into thin air again. Which was fine by me. It didn't help that Phoebe had no living relatives. Leila has two half brothers who she hasn't spoken to in years and a mother who barely had any monetary assets except for a house that had 10 more years on the mortgage and a car that was in its second year of it's lease. Not much to take away.

Taylor, Welch and I are in the middle of discussing the latest in regards to all assets under Saphirars, SARVAK and ARSVAK. I know I signed an NDA and agreed to back off but I don't fucking care anymore.

I see Taylor pick up his phone and his jaw tenses before his eyes dart up to me.

"Sir, that was Sawyer... it's about Miss Steele..."

APOV

I get to my office and Hannah follows me as we get our start to the day. I do my best to get as much done as I can. I narrowed all the stem cell grant applications to the final 10 that were going to receive the money and told Hannah to send out the emails by the end of this week. I wanted all these people to have a good Friday night and weekend with this news. There were some compelling studies and I couldn't wait to see how funding from GEH was going to help in the advancement of these ideas.

"Hey Ana, I'm going off to get lunch, can I get you anything? Girls date?"

"No thanks love, you go. I'm going to stick around here. Need to finish up a few last minute things before I head out for the day." I tell her with a smile. She nods and heads out.

She's been my rock these past two months. We have a similar work ethic and it's been great navigating these new waters in philanthropy. She's had some great ideas and has taken the lead on some projects herself.

It's a little after lunchtime when I get a text message on my phone. I grab my phone and wallet, leaving behind my bag since I won't need it along with a small envelope and place it on Hannah's desk leaving a post it note that read

Hannah,

Please deliver to Andrea as soon as you see this. I won't be in for the rest of the week.

Thank you,

Ana

I call Sawyer and let him know that I'm just heading down to talk to Jim from front desk and deliver him a special batch of cookies. I get a sad face and jealous face emoji back. It's his fault, he's the one who asked me to stop making him cookies cause the gut was coming out.

I take the elevator down and take deep breaths. I run into James from Accounting on the elevator and he shows me a picture and a quick video of his baby girls who are growing at the speed of light at this rate. We both exit the elevator and he walks out of the building to get a coffee from starbucks next door while I walk to the reception to meet with Jim and catch up with him for a little bit after giving him a special box of cookies. I get another text on my phone and excuse myself. I look at the front doors. I'm exactly 37 steps from the front door. I take a deep breath and walk as quickly as I can trying to not draw any suspicion to myself. I'm almost out the door when my phone rings and it's Sawyer. I cancel the call and run across the plaza into one of the two waiting SUV's.

"Took you long enough." I hear a growl from the front seat as we drive off. I look back and see Sawyer on the phone as he runs on to the street looking in our direction as we drive away.

"Sorry, I had to make it look as normal as I could."

"Do you need your phone?"

"No, everything is on the cloud. I've memorized the numbers I could absolutely need." Christian starts calling me. I don't want to talk to him. I cancel the incoming calls but he's relentless. "He's calling me non stop."

"Give me your phone." I pass it to the front. It vibrates one more time. He answers the call and sets it to speaker.

"Ana, what are you doing?" Christian's voice comes through.

"Mr. Grey, this Mr. Benoit speaking."

"Mr. Benoit, please put Anastasia on the phone, now." His icy cold CEO persona comes through.

"Miss Steele is not available at the moment.""

"Bullshit, put her on the phone."

"Mr. Grey, Miss Steele is now under my protection. Please do not send anyone after her or I will personally blow their brains out. Thank you and goodbye." He ends the call just Christian starts to yell into the phone.

I look out the window and take a deep breath trying not to cry.

"Annie, did he hurt you?"

"Not in the way you're thinking..." I mumble.

"You can tell me you know that right."

"I know... I just need Mama right now."

"She's waiting for you. Just a little while longer till you're home. All arrangements have been made."

"Thanks Benny. I owe you."

"I'll take a pan of brownies." He laughs and for the first time since last week I feel lighter.

"I got you. Also, who else knows?"

"Mrs. Karim and Rania are the only ones. Unless Grey calls anyone else."

"He won't call anyone. Kate knows and she'll also keep this to herself." He nods and hands me a burner phone and secure laptop to use should I need to.

We get to Sea-Tac and I get out of the car to make get on the final mode of transport that will get me closer to my intended destination.

Once we land, there's a car waiting for me. Benny drives me to the house and I feel myself trembling as I walk through the front door. I open it and see Mama standing. I run to her into her embrace, crying. I let it all out. She just holds me and tells me it'll all be alright and she's there for me.

After I've calmed down, we got into the kitchen and make tea and walk into the backyard.

"What happened Aanu?"

I take a sip of my tea. "Mama, there's a lot that I need to tell you. A lot that I've kept from you and I've now reached the end of my rope." I look at her and she holds her hand out for me to hold.

"Is it about Christian, has he hurt you?"

I shake my head. "Not in the way you're thinking... it's complicated. What I'm about to tell you is long and heartbreaking and... please know how sorry I am. I'm just not strong enough anymore to endure this any longer."

She nods and tells me to continue. I start from the beginning. I tell her about Vishaal and what he did to me that night. The months before when lost it after the college acceptance letters. His constant terrorizing over these past five years. How Kate helped me. Christian's past. Everything. I tell her everything.

She quietly listens. Tears fall from her eyes and she holds me afterwards, kissing my forehead.

"Why didn't you tell me Aanu?" She asks with a broken voice as she wipes her eyes.

"I was scared. I thought at first no one would believe me since I had no proof. Then, with everything you had been through in your life, I didn't want to tear the family apart. I wanted to protect everyone and the business."

"I would've believed you Aana. No matter what... it's not your job to protect me. So what if I'd been through hardship... I would've navigated this too. You're my daughter. You asked me to be your mother, so now let me be your mother."

"I'm sorry... I just... for the longest time, I didn't feel worthy. Vishaal terrorized me so much that I believed it."

"You're priceless, meri jaan. You have no idea." She says with a smile and pulls in for a hug. "You've brought such joy into our lives... but I feel like I've failed you." She whispers the last words.

"You haven't... you've been a wonderful mother. I just always thought that because Carla didn't want her own flesh and blood that it'd be easy to cast me aside since we weren't related but... I realize I was wrong. Looking at Christian's family and going to therapy helped me realize that. I was going to tell you after the Will was read and then walk away but given what happened last night, I just... I panicked and I'm so tired now mama. I'm so tried."

"I know meri jaan. Look, you've had a really long day. Let's eat some dinner. We'll watch Three Coins in the Fountain and then go to bed. We can talk about this more tomorrow. Right now, you need to rest." She puts her hand on my cheek and smiles back at me.

I nod with a smile. "I'd really like that. It'll be like old times."

CPOV

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?" I scream at Sawyer.

"Sir, she texted me saying she was going down to give a box of cookies to Jim and that she would be right up. She talked to him for a few minutes and the immediately started walking towards the door. I got up and ran down the fire stairs to the street but the SUV's had already pulled out by then and were half way down the block."

"Welch, get me a motherfucking trace on her phone."

"Sir, they're on their way to Sea-Tac." He responds while looking at his laptop. "We have Reynolds tailing them. He's about 10 minutes behind them."

I can't believe she ran. She fucking ran. How did she fucking pull this off?

I lean on the ledge of my office window and count back from 50. I turn around and ask Welch to show me the CCTV footage. I watch her in the elevator talk to James, she laughs as she looks at his phone and then she walks off the elevator and talks to Jim. She walks casually towards the door till she looks down on her phone and then she runs across the plaza across the street as two SUV's from across the street make a U-turn to park in front of GEH to pick her up and quickly drive off..

FUCK.

I'll give it to her. She did well.

CG: Ana, please talk to me.

CG: Why are you running, we can work through this.

CG: Please, Ana.

"I want you to monitor her financials and keep a live trace on her phone. I want to know where she is at all times. Hire the best coverts and I want eyes on her. I don't give a shit about Benoit said."

"Yes sir." Welch and Taylor nod in unison before I dismiss them.

I walk out right behind them when I see Hannah handing Andrea a package. She's startled when she sees me and takes it from Andrea to hand it to me.

"Umm, Mr. Grey. Miss Steele left this for you on my desk while I had a meeting with PR. I apologize for the delay."

I snatch it from her hands and dismiss her. She retreats and I walk back into my office to open it.

It's her ring and note. I feel my heart fall into my stomach. Fuck, I knew it.

Christian,

You need someone who knows how to forgive and I don't know how to do that. I'm too weak.

A

In a last ditch effort, I call Nita, Nani and Rania a few times but they don't pick up.

The kicker is, I don't blame her. I bury my face in my hands and try to retrace the steps from this morning. Anything that could help me understand what happened... and then it hits me. The song she was singing in the bathroom.

Oh mon amour,

You know you're not the one, who can make me stay

Oh no, no.

This isn't my home.

I get up and walk out to go into Ana's office.

"Hannah, follow me." She stands immediately and follows me into Ana's office. "Please tell me what Miss Steele said to you today. Did she mention anything out of the ordinary?"

"No sir... I mean, she said she was heading out for the day before I left for lunch and then when I came back from my meeting she left a post-it note on the package I gave you saying she would work from home this week. She even sent me an email with things she wanted me to take care of in her absence."

"I see. Thank you, you may leave."

"Yes sir." She turns around and walks out. I look at Ana's desk and it's pristine. I notice her bag on the chair and go through it.

She left everything. Only took her wallet and phone.

Three hours later Welch tells me Ana's phone still hasn't come back online. Where the fuck is she?

I asked for report of all the AHAK jets excluding the one that just landed at SFO. One is grounded at Teterboro, and the third landed in Hong Kong last night with Vishaal I assume. At least the fucker is not anywhere near her.

On my way home I call Elliot to ask if he's home and if I can stop by. He's confused by request since I rarely ever go to his place but takes it stride.

"Hey bro, did you bring any booze?" he grins and gives me a hug.

"This isn't that kind of visit, Lelliot." I mumble. "Is Kate here?"

"Yeah, she's taking a shower. She'll be out. What's up?"

I take a seat on the kitchen barstool as he hands me a beer.

"Ana left me today."

"What do you mean, she left you?"

"She's gone, Lelliot. I... need to talk to Kate."

"Christian, what happened?"

"I really need to talk to Kate." He nods and we mull around in relative silence. My brain has only one focus. I can't talk about anything else.

Kate comes out of the room and I can tell by her expression she wasn't expecting to see me in her kitchen.

"Christian."

"Kate, I'm guessing you know."

"Know what?"

"Don't play games with me. Just tell me what you know." I snap.

"That's the thing, Christian. I don't know anything yet. All I know is that my best friend pulled a code X which means she longer felt safe. So tell me Christian, tell me what DO YOU know because all I know is that you haven't given her the time of day this past week." She seethes.

Fuck.

"What is a Code X?"

"It's her security protocol at AHAK under Nani's personal security. Should she ever feel like she needs to get out or feel unsafe, she sends a text to Mr. Benoit and he gets her out. No matter where she is."

"She didn't tell me about that."

"She probably didn't think she'd ever use it now that she was with you. I didn't know about it till her Spring semester with the first incident of when she walked into oncoming traffic. Mr. Benoit briefed me during that visit with Nita and Nani. So tell me Christian, what made her feel like she needed to get out or unsafe?"

I look away.

"Where is she Kate?"

"She's safe Christian."

"I need to know exactly where she is."

"You'll find out eventually. Isn't that what you pay your top notch security for?" She spits out.

I run a hand through my hair. I need to know now... I close my eyes and count to 10 and look back at them.

"I told her something last night and I thought... she was relatively calm after my confession and even this morning she was fairly normal and then she just ran out of GEH this afternoon into an SUV that was waiting for her."

"What did you confess?" Elliot asks.

I look at them both standing across from me on the other side of the island, looking at me with expectant eyes. I take a deep breath and tell them everything I told Ana. When I finish they both look at me stunned. Elliot is completely silent. Kate opens her mouth a few times to speak but can't find her words. She immediately turns around and places her hands on the counter and I hear a sob escape her.

Elliot rubs her back till she calms herself down and she turns back around to address me.

"She wanted to pull a Code X over the holidays when the BDSM stuff came out. She was going to text Mr. Benoit from the hospital in a panic. She felt so out of control. He would've made it happen even though he was in India but I convinced her not to. I promised her I would be with her every step of the way. I told her you were a good guy that you just made a mistake. I told her you would never hurt her like that. That your family knew about her and that this was a serious thing for you. I convinced her to stay. Then when the shit at the dock happened, I almost called him myself but Ana stopped me... she said she could work through this and that she just needed some time and promised me she'd continue therapy."

I swallow and stare and the random items in front of me on the island because I'm not longer able to look them in the eye.

"I want to believe you're still a good guy but all I can see right now is the girl I met that day on campus. The girl that I bathed and cried for when I saw how badly her body had been beaten. The girl who screamed every night for weeks because she could barely sleep. The girl who lost so much weight because she couldn't eat proper food. The girl who has lived in so much fear for the past five years. You just came into her life Christian, you don't know some of the harrowing shit she's said or wished for herself. How fucking worthless she felt in the two years that followed. You should be so grateful that I'm pregnant right now because I don't know what I'd do to you if I wasn't." She says with a thick voice.

"Yeah, well what about the piece of shit who actually did this to her. Have you ever given him that speech?" I hiss at her.

"That piece of shit, is just that... a piece of shit who I wish I could strangle with my bare fucking hands. No use screaming at him because it would fall on deaf ears, Christian. You already know how complex that family situation is. But you, YOU'RE THE SUPPOSED GOOD GUY YET YOU WALKED AWAY. A WOMAN WAS BEING RAPED AND YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS A FUCKING SCENE... BUT YOU KNEW DEEP DOWN SOMETHING WAS OFF. THAT'S WHAT SEPARATED YOU FROM ALL OF THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT YOU WALKED AWAY."

"Babe, don't... calm down." Elliot holds her hand. "Christian, let's go out for a drink. Kate... I want you to stay here and I'll be back in a bit." She reluctantly nods and turns to walk out of the kitchen but not before addressing me one last time.

"Tell me Christian, if it were Mia in Ana's place and Ethan in yours. What would've you have done?"

"I would've put him in the ground." I choke out.

She gives a sad smile as tears fall from her eyes. "Yet, in this hypothetical, Mia would still be luckier than Ana because she would've had a father and two brothers to fight for her... but you know what she's a girl of Steele and she's a fighter... she will get through this I know it because she's better than all of us combined. She always gets back up" Her words leave me reeling as she turns on her heel and walks towards the bedroom.

Elliot and I end up going sitting on his terrace with a bottle of scotch instead of going out.

"This is just an impossible situation."

"I know, Lelliot."

"She needs time. Anyone would need time."

I nod and sag back in the chair. "There were so many times over the years that we were in close proximity and I missed her. I always missed out on her and who she really was because I was so caught up in my own shit."

"What do you mean?"

I tell him about her being in the room at Harvard when Abdul Karim gave talk at that seminar, the club, when Kate came to give the interview, handing her diploma, how she almost came to coping together with Scooter. How she'd avoid me at GEH; that we were even in the elevator together one time and I never really saw her. I only truly saw her that day before thanksgiving. How Nani saw us happy in her dream while Ana was in a coma.

"That's insane Christian. The universe really does work in mysterious and fucked up ways..." he says in awe and equal sadness.

"Yeah, I know."

"Give her time Christian, she will come back." He looks to me.

"She left her ring, she said she doesn't know how to forgive."

"She's scared bro. I mean, she's probably going through all these what ifs in her mind. What if you had stepped in? Her family could have known, maybe the damage wouldn't have been so severe... I mean think about it. I get your side, I honestly do, but I get hers too. Your pain right now, is fresh and mostly emotional. Hers... it's been 5 years bro. Five years of fear, trying to heal physically and mentally. I mean, Kate has told me some stuff and I don't know how that girl is still alive with all that fear in her. I don't know how she has it in her to go on. It makes me never want to let my little girl leave the house when she grows up."

I take a deep breath and look up at the sky. "I know what you mean Lelliot."

"Where is she right now?"

"Her phone isn't live yet. Welch and Taylor are on it."

"Give her that space. She needs time. Take this time for yourself as well. We're here. Talk to mom and dad. Go to Flynn. You guys will get through this. You're not alone, Christian."

I want to believe in what he's saying. I really do.

When I get back to Escala, I'm unable to work or sleep. I sit at the piano and try to play something but everything seems hollow. We had an interior designer come in earlier in the summer and had the great room revamped. I've come back to home that's missing the main source of it's warmth. This entire place has memories of Ana everywhere. Memories of not just us, but of family, moments of us all laughing, playing games... my life was filled with comfort and sounds of happiness but now... I walk back into our room and come across the wall outside the walk-in closet. Ana started a small photo wall of pictures of us and place or adventures we'd go on. Even the simplest things of getting our weekly lunches. She'd print out small 2x3 images and created a grid of photos. There are pictures from Scooters wedding, Elliot and Kate's wedding, the week Aria spent with us, our first time on the Grace, a picture of us at the Golden Gate bridge. A picture of me holding Emilia for the first time. So much life but I no longer had access to the source of it.

I lost that right.

Suddenly my phone vibrates and it's a message from Welch. Ana's phone is now live. She's at the Presidio Terrace house. I call her a few times but she doesn't pick up.

CG: Ana, baby. Please talk to me.

Two more hours pass and I still don't hear from her.

APOV

I lie in my bed and hear the sound of rustling of trees come through the open window as I look up at the stars.

You like your birthday present, Annie?

Yeah. I like my sky window.

You'll never be alone as long as the stars are out and even when you can't see them, they're still there. The moon too. They're your friends at night.

You promise, Daddy?

I promise, Luna. You're such a big girl now, I'm proud of you.

Will you get me ice-cream cake tomorrow? You promised me when I'm 5 I would get the stars and ice-cream cake for my birthday.

You never forget do you? Of course you'll get ice-cream cake. You ready for your birthday tomorrow.

Yes sir.

I wipe my eyes as the memory lingers and I silently hope to see Dad in my dreams but he doesn't come to see me.

I switch on the laptop that Benny gave me and log on to spotify to play some music on low. The only thing that seems fitting at this time is hearing amore mio aiutami – verison 2. Dad listened to this a lot whenever Carla and him had an explosive fight. Help me my love. He'd silently work in on whatever he was making in his studio while this played and he'd be lost in thought. I knew it was sad at the time but never understood it. All I knew was that I hated seeing him sad.

Two days later: Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020

I hear Mama sorting through the kitchen as I sit in the lounge and go through the album of pictures. My mind drifts back to Christian but I quickly shut it down. No, Ana. Stop it.

"Aanu, it's been two days. We need to talk."

I take a deep breath. "Can we talk this evening? I promise we will, I just... "

"We can talk this evening." She smiles and goes back into the kitchen.

I hear the front door knock. It can't be Tom, Benny's second in command. He left 10 minutes ago and he has a key. I grab the shotgun from under the stairs.

"Aanu, you're being silly." She scolds me from the hallway.

"Mama, please. I won't use it unless I have to." It's always just been a scare tactic anyway, It's still loaded though.

I look through the peephole and am and am met with the sight of a familiar pair of eyes. Fuck...

I place the shotgun on the floor behind the door before opening it fully and just then I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I look at the familiar pairs of eyes standing in front of me and set the phone to speaker.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING THERE?" Benny bellows.

"I'm about to ask." I say calmly.

"What are you doing here?" I ask my uninvited guests.

"I just want to talk. We come in peace." He says a little louder so that Benny can hear.

"Does he know?" I ask.

"No. Welch and Sawyer know but they'll keep your secret. We're using a burner phone and I used Gail's sister's card to rent a car."

"I don't like this Annie." Benny says and I roll my eyes.

"I'll be fine, Benny. I'll let you know when they leave."

He grumbles something unintelligible and hangs up. I step forward to give Taylor and Gail a hug and welcome them in while apologizing for Benny's outburst.

We take a seat in the living room and Mama asks if they'll take coffee or tea. Ever the gracious host that she is.

Once we have our beverages, Taylor is the first to address the elephant in the room.

"Ana, please understand that Christian tried looking for you after that night. We bribed one of the hostess's and got your full name, even hacked into the outdoor CCTV cameras around the area. We couldn't find you because it was a fake ID and the unmarked SUV."

"Jason, why are you telling me this? It doesn't change anything." I look away. I don't want to hear this.

"I know it doesn't. I know Grey can come across as a heartless bastard but he was affected. He even tried to buy the club, offered twice the asking amount under a shell company just to find out who you were so we could check on you but the deal was finalized the night everything happened and the new owners wouldn't entertain our offer. He was a mess after coming back from Oakland. He was on edge for the weeks that followed and then when nothing came up we had to just accept that fact that it was just that, a scene. I'm sorry..." I know this is difficult for him too.

Mama holds my hand and gives it a light squeeze.

"Ana, Christian has always been a good man but he's become a better man ever since you came into his life." Gail starts. "We've been with him for the past 8 years now and in just a few short months with you has changed into the man we always knew he was but was too afraid to show to the people around him."

"Gail, I appreciate you both coming here and saying all these things in his defense but... it does not change the fact that this good man chose to walk away. Him having a guilt trip later does nothing for me because the damage was done and it was severe." I look away and close my eyes trying to breath and remain calm. "He got to go back to his billionaire regressive lifestyle while I had to rebuild again. I was alone, Jason. I felt worthless, I wanted to die." I sob and Mama pulls me into a hug but I recover quickly.

"You're right and I am in no way belittling what happened to you. I promise you I am not but he is more than the mistake he made." Taylor says quietly.

"Would you feel the same way if it were Sophie in my place." I choke out.

He remains quiet for a few moments. "Ana, I have done some despicable things in my life. I've killed innocent people in the name of honor and country. I knew it was wrong but it was for duty above all and I walked away. These were people who were collateral that had families and bloodlines destroyed. These truths haunt me to this day but I have to go on, I have to be as good as I can be for my daughter and the woman I love. I can be a patriot and still be critical of the things I had to do in the name of protecting this country. It doesn't make what I did right at all."

"You can't compare my situation to what you did Jason... I mean, I understand what you are trying to say but you still put your life on the line in dangerous circumstances. You chose to go out there risking your own life in the process. War is... war is complicated."

"Still, doing the right thing requires courage. It's easy to hide behind the rules and the cause and ignore your gut instinct. Many a men have made mistakes like that. Especially those in service. All good people make mistakes, some graver than others it's not an excuse but a reality. The difference between the good and bad people are what you do after you realize you were in the wrong. Christian wants to make amends. He's wanted to do that ever since that night but he didn't know how because he was in limbo. Then you both met and when I found out about your trauma I thought... maybe this is a way he can find some peace and be the person who he really can be." He says.

Gail continues on after him. "Ana, Christian has been battling with demons every since we've known him. He's kept to himself but in the lonely hours of the night, they plagued him and then you came along and made everything better. That woman had his claws in him and she controlled him and kept him in this cycle of anger and emptiness and he was a resigned man who believed that's what he deserved. You could see it on his face. Jason would wake him up from his night terrors every other night. The man found peace with you, just like Jason said."

"You just want me to come back so you can go back to interrupted sleep, right?" I giggle and we all laugh. "Look, I understand what you're trying to say... I do but this new revelation, it's too much for me right now. I can't be in the same room with him." I chew on my bottom lip and try to stop myself from crying. "I'm going to need time."

They both nod. "By the way, that was a good job with the misdirect." Jason chuckles.

"How did you figure out where I really was?"

"I figured that you'd want to go home and this was the only place I ever head you call home outside of Seattle. That and we hacked into Mr. Pancakes CCTV to confirm." He gives me a slight shrug and cheeky grin making mama and I laugh.

"Thank you for not telling him. I'll be safe in Benny's care. Mama knows everything now too so I have more people in my corner." He gives me a smile and a slight nod. "Is he eating and sleeping?"

"He's hell on wheels that's for sure. The man can't function without you. He's barely slept and Andrea might quit by days end."

"She should. It might put him in his place... please make sure he eats. Call Grace if anything, she can help."

They both nod and we talk for a little while before they get up to leave. I give them a hug and tell them to take care of Christian.

The day passes on and soon it's time for sunset. Mama gives me a look and I know it's time to have the dreaded conversation I've been avoiding for the entirety I've been here. We take our seats on the chairs in the backyard and lay back looking at the sky, just like we used to do when Dad was alive.

"Aanu."

"Yeah."

"You need to stop running. You need to learn to forgive." She says softly and I feel her eyes on me but I avoid her gaze by keeping my gaze fixed upward.

I close my eyes and try to keep the tears at bay before opening them again to see the beautiful burning sky as the sun makes it's descent into night.

"I don't know how." I reply with a wavering voice. I don't think I'm capable of forgiving.

A/N: What did you all think? Talk to me. What are your thoughts on Jason and Gail's suprise visit?

Chapter 72 that's coming up next was really difficult for me to write. I had to read a lot and talk to a lot of my friends and family to get their perspective outside of a religious context on forgiveness which is something I've always struggled with believing in because i'm like it doesn't change jack shit. I can hold a grudge like nobody's business. I know, I need to learn othersie... maybe one day i'll understand. Who knows?

Reds77: loved your reviews. If you check the reviews for chapter 70 only, you will see that I replied to you there with long ass review myself haha.

mommapurvis: oh mama, it's about to get LIT... haha. it's only the beginning. Benny is going to have his moments where he shines in the next few chapters. haha.

bandrocks: HUG! I promise you friend, it's coming soon. P.S. my name is Nadia :)

blueno: Christmas in July? Pfft, i believe in christmas all year round, xo!

everyone else: just sending you all a big hug and cookies to help with the angsty vibes we living with out here in this fanfic universe.

Music:

Moi - Lolo Zouai

Amore mio aiutami – verison 2 - Piero Piccioni