Encore

Encore, n: A repeated or additional performance of an item at the end of a concert, as called for by an audience.

Eimi sat in the green room, brimming with nervous energy that no amount of strumming or tuning could ease. She hugged her acoustic guitar and inhaled the soothing scent of wood. It didn't penetrate the cloud of anxiety swirling around her brain.

The room was nondescript, four walls around a comfortable sofa and a coffee table. The door opened, and Kaede entered, glancing up from her tablet. Eimi approximated a smile that must have looked as brittle as it felt. Kaede, the consummate professional, winced.

Then, that familiar irritation was restored, expressed by the downward press of penciled eyebrows. "Eimi-san, please. Everything is fine." She tapped her tablet screen, then held it out, facing Eimi. "Your doctor cleared you to perform. I have the letter here."

Eimi stared, but saw nothing. "I know what my doctor said."

"And the second doctor. And the third. And Kido-sensei." Kaede flipped the tablet back towards herself and clicked her tongue. "So don't worry. The run-through went perfectly, and you don't feel any strain, correct?"

"Physically? No." Mentally was a whole different beast, and it felt ill.

"Then you're fine," Kaede said. "You look beautiful. You sound beautiful. Your friends took up most of the front row. You are fine."

Somehow, Eimi managed a dark chuckle. Kaede was pragmatic to a fault, which made her a phenomenal manager... But these days, Eimi intimately knew how inalienable physical and mental health were.

In the months since going septic last spring, Eimi had somehow gathered the scattered shards of a life that nearly shattered. Thankfully, the framework survived the shock that gutted everything else. With great care and effort, she rearranged the pieces and rebuilt. And tonight...

Tonight, she would discover if the last piece would hold.

Eimi swallowed hard as the urge to vomit gurgled in her stomach and slammed the base of her throat. What if her voice didn't survive the night? What if she damaged it again, setting back her progress? What if this last, prized aspect of herself never returned?

Eimi jumped when a hand landed on her shoulder. Kaede stood over her, smiling with a softness that Eimi had never seen before. "Hey," she said gently. "It's okay. You've waited months for this, right? If your voice falters, finish the song and signal me. We'll figure out whatever gets thrown at us, so..."

For a moment, sadness seemed to wet Kaede's eyes. She cleared her throat, then threw her head in that imperious way Eimi knew so well. "Would it kill you to lean on me? I'm your manager. You get out there and have a blast. I'll do the worrying, thank you."

There was a quick squeeze in Eimi's heart, and she had no choice but to look away. "T-thank you..."

"Of course. Now, it's time. Do you need anything?"

Eimi stood, cradling her guitar. Her stomach seemed to drop and morph into a black hole at her feet. "N-no."

"Then let's go." Kaede stared at her, then tsked. "Smile, Eimi-san."

Eimi fell in step behind Kaede, struggling to produce a smile that was neither manic nor plastic. She barely listened as Kaede delivered instructions she had heard so many times. Then, her manager wished her luck and strode further offstage, leaving Eimi in the wings.

Tonight's concert venue was a comparatively small hall, built specifically for musical performances. The ceiling was so high that the stage lights seemed as distant as stars. There was no sound-dampening curtain, and slatted wooden walls surrounded the stage. The back of the stage, furthest from the audience, featured tiered levels curved around the focal point of a conductor's podium. Tonight, Eimi had a small orchestra to back her, a rarity for her shows. She would perform her original pieces as written, with guitar accompaniment. The standards she covered, however, would receive full orchestration. Their tuning and warm-ups filled the background, a sweet cacophony.

Booth seating lined two sides of the stage, but Kaede had placed her friends in the front row, where Eimi could see their reassuring faces. Eimi squinted, trying to identify them from the wings, but the lights were already lowering.

Eimi glanced at the light overhead for her cue. When it turned green, signaling that everything was ready for her, she walked onstage, hoping that her gait wasn't as uncertain and trembling as her emotions.

She stopped at the microphone, placed her guitar on the waiting stand, and corrected her slumped posture. After a few seconds, the lights brightened enough to illuminate the stage and the first few rows of the audience.

And there, front and center, were Koushiro and Taichi. Her family branched out from Taichi: his parents, Hikari, then Takeru, Yamato, Sora. Koushiro's parents sat beside him, followed by Jyou. Polite applause sounded, but Taichi cupped his mouth for a "Woooo!" that earned him a sharp elbow to the side from his mother. Eimi snorted, then frantically covered the microphone, which amplified the sound.

Though the hall was dim, Eimi sensed that the seats were packed. It was the only way to explain the collective energy oversaturating the room. Usually, on the days when her nerves ran high, Eimi performed a mental somersault to convince herself that the audience she could clearly see was all that was out there. Tonight, she didn't need that trick. Her friends were all that registered, and when she saw Koushiro's warm, proud smile, she wanted nothing more than to sing for him.

"Hey," she murmured into the microphone. "Wow... Thank you all for being here."

There was another brief burst of applause, and Eimi's grin went lopsided. "You're too kind... I'll be honest. You probably know that this is my first show in... Well, in a long time. I've been so nervous about performing again, but now that I see you all... I just want to sing. So... Thank you."

Eimi had a Kaede-approved script to follow, but those words fluttered out of her consciousness. She had said what was in her heart, and she pivoted to nod to the conductor. Thankfully, the woman accepted Eimi's departure from the plan, and the orchestration began, rolling over the venue in an acoustically-enhanced wave of sound.

Eimi's eyes shut, to better focus on listening. The layered dance of the orchestra lit her mind and rushed to her heart. Breath, that vehicle of sound, slid down her trachea to feed eager lungs. Her diaphragm pushed outward, and her voice soared. The primal joy of singing, of marrying body to emotions to dazzling effect, filled the hall to the stage lights so far above.

And though the audience was an indistinct mass in the dark, Eimi felt them all. They were connected by music, that most intimate force.

XXX

Koushiro stood in front of the door to Eimi's dressing room, hesitating. He was not the type to be taken by strange moods, and yet, he hadn't managed to wander back to the everyday world after Eimi's concert. Somehow, he almost expected the door to open to a galaxy speckled with stars and distant planets, or a rolling plain stretching to mountains, or a wall of water populated by fish going about their aquatic business.

Still, rationality remained, and it kicked him into gear with a sense of mild embarrassment. Koushiro knocked, announced himself, and entered with Eimi's permission. He scolded himself for the twinge of relief that arose when he found a normal room with a mirrored wall, a large vanity, and a rack of clothes.

Eimi sat on a chair in the corner of the room, drinking from an enormous water bottle. She swallowed, bounced to her feet, and threw her arms around him. Koushiro placed his hands on her hips, still caught in a surreal mood. The solidness of her body, the familiarity of her curves beneath his hands, reassured him. He embraced her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"You were stunning."

Eimi squeezed him, then stepped back and grabbed his hands. Her eyes sparkled, alive with raw joy. "I'm back!" she cried. Then, her chin wobbled, her arms were tight around him, and suddenly, Koushiro's hands were full of sobbing girlfriend.

"E-eimi," he stammered, stunned. "Are you alright?"

Her tears were wet and hot against his neck. "S-sorry!" she gasped. "I, I just- I was afraid it would never happen, and..."

She drew a long breath, and Koushiro waited, giving her time to navigate what seemed like an explosion of feelings. At last, she eased back, and her enormous smile eased his worry.

"I'm back! I'm really back!"

Koushiro would never know how difficult losing the ability to sing was for Eimi, not like she did. But he saw her strain as she tested her voice, always terrified of damaging it. He heard her anxiety as she inquired with doctors. He held her when that fear bubbled over into tears.

And now, he shared in the joy that radiated from her, like warmth from the sun. He pulled her in for a kiss that morphed into a clumsy waltz, with lots of stumbling and giggling on Eimi's end and indulgent smiling on his.

When he paused for breath, Eimi released him, stepped back, and began her own twirling dance, sending the skirt of her red dress fluttering around her thighs. Koushiro watched, smiling until his face hurt. The last thing he wanted to do was contain or diminish her excitement. But when her legs wobbled, he offered his arm, and she took it and leaned on him. He led her back to the chair, and she flopped onto it.

Koushiro noted the perspiration on her forehead and handed her the water. Since she was resting and drinking without complaint, he swallowed the reminders to take it easy. He wouldn't spoil her happiness in any way, if he could help it.

After drinking her fill, Eimi handed him the bottle, and he threw back a few mouthfuls. When he placed the bottle on the vanity, Eimi said, "Thank you so much for encouraging me to invite everyone. It made such a huge difference."

Koushiro blinked, shook his head, and crossed the room to fetch a folding chair. While he did want to sit, the goal was to give himself time to soften his response. He opened the chair next to hers, sat, and took her hand.

"Eimi... Most of them already had tickets by the time you asked them to come. We all wanted to be here for you. I even asked Kaede-san to have the event livestreamed to Mimi-san and Owen-san."

Eimi was already flushed with activity and excitement, and that red hue spread. "R-really?"

Koushiro ignored the urge to sigh. Instead, he leaned closer and kissed her cheek. "Yes. We're all here for you, and we're so happy that your voice healed. We want to share this with you."

Tears glazed her eyes, and Koushiro gazed through them into a heart straining with gratitude. She sniffled, wiped her face, and stood.

"I should freshen up for dinner." She took a seat at the vanity with her back to him. Koushiro watched her struggle to compose her face in the mirror and experienced a fierce fondness for a woman who felt too much to hide it.

She busied herself with the implements on the vanity while her heart settled. After a while, she said, "I wonder if this means I'm fully recovered?"

"You'd have to ask your doctor," was Koushiro's pragmatic response. "From my perspective, you seem much improved."

"I think so, too." Eimi swiveled the chair to face him. "You know what I want to do?"

"What's that?" Koushiro asked fondly. Whatever it was, he dearly wanted to help her have it.

The light in her eyes beckoned him, and he stood and approached her, until his hands landed on her shoulders. "I want to travel with you! If I'm better, then I should be able to!"

"A vacation?" Koushiro disliked long strings of travel, but a week or two somewhere calm with Eimi... "I'd love that. Shall we plan it for my university's summer break?"

"Really?! Yes!" She began to speculate on destinations with great animation. Koushiro nodded along, more watching than listening, soaking in her enthusiasm.

When he received a text from Taichi, asking what was taking them, he said, "Pardon me. I'd love to continue, but we should go."

"Oh!" Eimi placed her brush on the vanity and stood. "The dinner reservation! If you're ready, then let's go! This dress is good for the restaurant, right?"

Eimi wore Sora's red dress, which, in Koushiro's opinion, was good for anywhere and everywhere. Aloud, he said, "You look lovely. Kaede-san knows you're heading out, correct?"

"I told her, but let me text her..."

Eimi sent her text, grabbed her evening bag, and followed him to where their friends waited.

XXX

Jyou sat at the table in Eimi's garden, beneath the shade of the umbrella. He was slouched back, full to bursting with grilled chicken and vegetables, feeling sated and drowsy. The April evening ripened around him, sweet, but a bit chilly. His glass of sake contributed a mellowing influence.

Eimi and Koushiro chatted on the other side of the table, but Jyou wasn't listening. He sighed, enjoying having company without the pressure of needing to interact. He wasn't aware of time passing, but eventually, Eimi and Koushiro stood. The pleasant meandering of Jyou's thoughts came to an abrupt end as he watched his hosts clean up the meal.

He moved to stand, but Eimi said, "You know the rules! You come to our place to relax, Kido-sensei."

Jyou huffed, masking a chuckle. "I'm Kido-sensei from eight to five, Monday to Friday." He made a show of checking his wristwatch. "Says here that it's Saturday."

Eimi slammed her hands to her hips, then gestured broadly at her backyard. "Says here that you're at our house. You're resting."

Sensing that he'd get nowhere with Eimi, Jyou craned his neck to catch Koushiro's eye. He looked up from cleaning the grill and shook his head. "Sorry, Jyou. I don't argue with Eimi's guest policies."

Jyou tsked, but smiled. "You live here, too."

Koushiro shrugged. "Granted, but her rules pre-date me... And I tend to agree with them."

"Humph." Jyou eased back into the seat and sipped his drink. Despite his fussing, his arrangement with Eimi and Koushiro played a large role in the recovery of his sanity since becoming a fully licensed doctor. He lived and worked about twenty minutes away from their house at a private practice, with a standard working schedule. While this was a huge step up from endless, unpredictable hospital shifts, it was grueling sometimes. When it wore him down, he came here for pampering and company.

Jyou watched the blush of sunset appear on the horizon. Before long, Eimi leaned over him, startling him out of his trance.

"Sorry!" she laughed. "It's getting cooler; let's go inside."

Nodding, Jyou hauled himself to his feet and followed Eimi, Koushiro, and Aegis into the house. They walked through the kitchen to the living room. Jyou sank onto a comfy armchair and obliged Aegis' request for pats.

"Let me refill your drinks," Eimi said. Knowing better than to argue, Jyou surrendered his cup.

Eimi returned, distributed drinks, and cozied up to Koushiro on the sofa. Aegis took his typical station by her feet. Eventually, Jyou realized that Eimi was watching him. He touched his face, wondering if there was barbecue sauce smeared there. "Uh, what?"

Eimi blinked, then grinned. "Sorry, it's nothing. I was just thinking... You look really good! Are you working out?"

"Ah- Geez. You got me. I am." A dopey smile spread, despite Jyou's best efforts at containment. "I'm dating again, casually for now. Trying to get back out there."

Eimi clapped, and Aegis lifted his head, drawn to the sound. "Oh, Jyou, that's so great! And you look so healthy."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure you'll do well." Jyou gazed at Koushiro, measuring his words. He knew his friend was happy for him, but he also read relief in the way Koushiro relaxed, slumping into the cushy sofa.

Jyou remained quiet, sorting through complex emotions that he didn't quite understand. When he first learned that Eimi and Koushiro were dating, things were friendly between them, but a bit awkward, a touch stiff. He waited a few months before reestablishing regular contact with them, partly to let things settle, and partly to figure himself out.

Slowly, he found that when he took the time to sleep and eat properly, to relax, and to reach out to friends and family... Those pining feelings for Eimi diminished. Now that he was reasonably happy, healthy, and settled, there was no need to latch on to her and the security she represented. His feelings for her shifted to the familial ones from a few years ago, before they fell into that undefined in-between. Eventually, he began to feel like himself again, a whole person with an identity outside of work. And when he asked to visit, Eimi and Koushiro welcomed him with enthusiasm.

These days, he spent a weekend with them roughly every month, and Eimi sent him home with enough food to last for days. Sometimes, he wondered if he was encroaching or bothering them... But even his anxiety-riddled brain recognized their enjoyment of his company.

Still, it seemed that Koushiro worried about him, and hoped for him to date again. "May I ask how you're finding dates?" Koushiro asked. "I have no idea how that's done."

Jyou snorted. "We can't all have girlfriends fall into our laps." Eimi laughed, and Jyou grinned as Koushiro colored and glanced away. "I reconnected with a few nurses from the hospital. I'm also on a dating app for professionals."

"That's a thing?" Eimi asked.

"Yeah. I thought it was a little stuck-up at first, but I noticed that the people I met on general apps tended to be looking for different things. I guess I mesh best with career-driven people."

"Hmm..." Jyou wasn't sure what to make of Eimi's thoughtful frown. "Just... Have fun, okay?"

Jyou sighed. "Dating is hard, you know! And I know how important lifestyle compatibility is when I'm looking for a long-term partner. It's never easy to have a doctor for a husband."

"I hear you," Eimi said, but she still looked worried. "Just… Don't jump back into overdoing it with work."

His genuine laugh made Eimi and Koushiro share confused glances, which elicited more laughter. "Don't worry," Jyou gasped, wiping a tear. "Now that I've experienced it, you couldn't pry my hands off of normal working hours with a crowbar. If anything, I'd like less time at work... But it's always going to be a priority for me."

Sensing that Eimi wanted to argue, Jyou shifted the conversation. "How about you? You're not pushing too hard, are you? I know you've recovered, but that doesn't mean you can go back to overworking yourself."

Eimi's annoyance wiped out whatever she was going to say. "I'm not! Tell him, Koushiro."

"She's obeyed your recommended guidelines," Koushiro said mildly. Jyou held his glance and lifted an eyebrow, and Koushiro nodded, indicating that he was being honest, not just mollifying his girlfriend.

Eimi crossed her arms beneath her chest. "I can work again! I've only had two shows so far, but I'm going to start recording new material soon."

"No tours, right?" Jyou asked, hoping he didn't sound as concerned as he felt.

"No tours. Just local shows and recording in Tokyo." She sighed, and her body language softened. "To be honest... I'm kind of worried that I'm spoiled, now. I... really like this laid-back pace."

"That's good," Jyou said quickly. "For all of us. How's work for you, Koushiro?"

Koushiro allowed a wry grin. "I still teach two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and spend those days on campus. I work from home the rest of the time. This way, I have some of everything, and I can still participate in an academic environment without sequestering myself in it."

This time, Jyou fixed that conspirator's eyebrow on Eimi. "And you're not overworking yourself pampering him?"

Koushiro scowled, but amusement lit his eyes. Eimi sputtered and wagged a finger at him. "Excuse you! Maybe I won't send you home with food this time!"

Jyou grinned as she scolded, paying more attention to her fussing than the content. He snapped into attention when she said, "You know what? Now you have to pay the baby tax."

Jyou swallowed a groan, but allowed a grimace to surface. "Too late!" Eimi chided, reaching into the pocket of her skirt. She pulled her phone out, stood, and sat on the arm of Jyou's chair. Sighing, Jyou leaned towards her, obediently staring at her phone.

Eimi's tone morphed as she scrolled through pictures of Kazuki and Yamato and Sora's daughter, blabbering about their latest milestones. From the corner of his eye, he watched Koushiro gaze at his baby-free phone, grinning at Jyou's expense. A tiny spark of rebellion lit, and Jyou interrupted Eimi's monologue.

"You really love your nephew and Yamato-kun's kid, Eimi."

Something about his tone caught Koushiro's attention. He looked up from his device, locking wary eyes with Jyou. His grin widened, warning of the trap he was about to spring.

"Of course I do," Eimi replied, oblivious to the danger. "They're objectively the cutest and best babies ever." She waggled the phone in Jyou's face to illustrate.

"Do you want a kid?" Jyou asked. Koushiro's eyes pinched shut as he shook his head behind Eimi's back.

Eimi blinked, then shoved the phone in her pocket. "Everyone keeps asking me that, lately."

"Might have something to do with the full-length feature film of baby material on your phone," Jyou suggested.

Eimi stood, marched back to the couch, and plopped down beside Koushiro. Jyou grinned, nonplussed. "I like being an aunt." She considered, head tipped to the side. "But... For now, I want to enjoy what I have."

She offered Koushiro a shy smile, and the embarrassment cleared from his face. He mirrored her expression and nodded, two hearts in accord. Jyou dropped the subject. He had meant to tease his friends, but ended up with a different kind of satisfaction.

Somehow, after everything that had happened... They were fine. Healing. Prospering, even.

Jyou cleared his throat, then lifted his glass. "I'll drink to that."

Koushiro looked slightly baffled, but Eimi laughed. She raised her glass, and he mimicked her. They drank, then shifted to other topics.

XXX

That evening, Koushiro followed Eimi into their bedroom and shut the door. He'd have to open it before they went to sleep, since Aegis still retained his throne at the foot of the bed. But there was always a window where they were alone, in case the evening took a romantic turn.

Eimi yawned as she traipsed to her closet, shedding clothes along the way. Koushiro grinned and turned the lock, just in case. She pivoted to face him, long hair askew from removing her sweater. "Have you thought more about our vacation?"

Koushiro's brain processed the question while his eyes followed tumbled hair down her back and beyond. "I'm in favor of Hawaii, but I'm open to anything low key."

"Careful, mister. If we're in Hawaii, I'll want to go on rainforest hikes and snorkel tours! Ooooh, I've never seen a volcano!" Eimi settled into an excited, chirpy monologue about tropical activities. Koushiro nodded along, and he was listening... But most of his attention was on watching her, naked save for panties, picking up her discarded clothing and sorting it between the hamper and the 're-wear' spot on her dresser.

Eventually, Koushiro recalled that he should change, too. He joined Eimi by the closet, hung up his sweater, and unbuttoned his shirt.

Soon, Eimi was wearing a long t-shirt, and Koushiro was down to an undershirt and boxer briefs. She was still chatting with great animation. Koushiro sensed that her thoughts weren't in sync his, and accepted that.

After they prepped for sleep, Eimi confirmed his hypothesis by opening the bedroom door. Aegis entered, jumped to the foot of the bed, and spread out. "Good boy," Eimi cooed.

It was tempting to begrudge the dog for his bed privileges, but Koushiro would never deny Aegis proximity to Eimi. After all, the fact that he slept near her had saved her life. According to Jyou, Aegis likely smelled the sepsis-induced changes in Eimi's blood chemistry, then woke Taichi for help.

Koushiro scratched Aegis's favorite spot at the base of his neck. "Good boy," he echoed, with feeling. Aegis threw his head back, and Koushiro grinned as his tail thumped the bed.

Eimi turned off the lights, and they slipped under the covers. When she cuddled into him, Koushiro wrapped an arm around her waist. "Good night," she murmured. Koushiro leaned over her for a kiss, then curled around her, with his front against her back.

"Good night."

As usual, Eimi was asleep within minutes, but Koushiro lingered. His active brain needed time to shut down. He cycled through questions and thoughts that he had set aside during the day, knowing he'd be unable to sleep until the mental backlog was cleared.

Once the innocuous issues, like programming ideas and general curiosity, were handled, the more difficult concepts demanded attention. Koushiro frowned against Eimi's shoulder. This was the worst part of the night: when relationship questions could no longer be ignored, and he wondered if he had flubbed any social interactions.

Does Eimi want children? Do I?

As Taichi and Jyou had pointed out, Eimi loved Kazuki and enjoyed children in general. Koushiro understood why people assumed she wanted her own. Still, the concept of fatherhood was impossible for Koushiro to picture, and terrifying for that vagueness. His heart rate leaped, and he breathed in near Eimi's neck, focusing on her familiar scent.

Therapy had provided him with the tools to recognize that he was giving hypotheticals free reign, causing anxiety for no reason. Eimi said herself that she has everything she wants.

He hoped to end this line of inquiry and drift off, but of course, his brain offered another itching question: Do I?

For a while, Koushiro listened to Eimi's breathing and Aegis's occasional snorts. He tried to conceive of something additional he could want, or something he wanted to subtract. The only fear he could land on was losing something he held dear now.

Tension Koushiro had been unaware of holding drained from his body. Sighing, he kissed the back of Eimi's neck and shut his eyes.

Whatever the future held, he, Eimi, and their friends and family would handle it. For now, his goal was to enjoy the life he had built.

The questions and whispers stilled. Koushiro nuzzled into Eimi and drifted to sleep.

Author's Notes: And there you have it: Seeking Resonance. I hope you enjoyed this story about adults stumbling towards a life that suits their unique needs.

I started this story in 2014. I was in my mid-twenties and grasping for the courage to make big changes that would propel me towards figuring myself and my life out. Becoming an adult is such an uphill climb, especially in a world where most people have been hurt by other people, and bear the marks. I'm wishing you all the strength and support we need to make our way. It means a lot that you shared this story with me. Please share your thoughts with me, I'm dying to hear them!

Happy Odaiba Day!

Love, Hidden