My mind goes to Charles while we silently ride back to camp.
I'm thinking about him because now I don't know if I can go back to him. Not for now at least.
Abigail and Jack have to go away, but they can't do that on their own. They need someone, someone who takes care of them now that John…
I still can't believe it. How could that happen?
I move my eyes on Arthur, riding ahead of me.
It can be him: he can go with Abigail and Jack and take care of them, so I can reach Charles.
How selfish! How can you think something like this! Arthur is as much wanted as Dutch is and if he goes with them, they'll still be in danger. Besides, Arthur's health is not good. I can't ask him to do this.
No, it must be me, even if this will draw me away from Charles.
The idea of the perfect life with him is becoming more and more a distant dream now, something stupid that only a stupid girl like me could think to be possible.
We reach the last crossroad right before the straight path that leads to camp, when a desperate voice makes us all stop.
"They came and took Abigail!"
It's Tilly, riding towards us with Jack seated on the saddle in front of her.
"I saved Jack, we hid, but they took Abigail" she keeps saying as she pulls the reins and stops.
No. Not Abigail too.
"Who did?" asks Arthur.
"Agent Milton and his men… took her to Van Horn to put her on a boat and tried for murder."
The weight pushing on my chest becomes heavier with every word she pronounces.
I exchange a look full of worry with Sadie.
"I am sorry to hear that" says Dutch from my left making me turn in his direction.
"We gotta let her go" adds Micah.
We all move our eyes on him.
"John's a… well, sorry son" he says to Jack.
What?
"Without John she's just bait, we got a bunch of money, Dutch."
What?
"She's just a girl, they won't do nothing to her. But, me and the boys know, we need to keep riding on this one, Dutch. You know it, every man here knows it."
"WHAT?" I exclaim.
"So we just gonna let the boy be made an orphan?" asks Arthur in front of me.
"I-it ain't like that" replies Dutch.
"But it seems" I yell.
"Unlike you I wanna live, I still got the choice" says Micah looking at me.
"You are a bastard!"
"It's just a girl!"
"And you're just a dead man!" I yell taking my gun out and pointing it at his face.
"Whoah! Now stop it! Micah is right!" says Dutch.
Mr. Joe moves his horse next to me and puts a hand on my pistol making me lower it. When I look at him, he shakes his head with a menacing look.
"Dutch…" says Arthur dismounting his horse and approaching him.
"It pains me to say it, Arthur… but he is right" Dutch replies.
"Dutch!" Arthur and I say in chorus.
"Come on boys!" he exclaims spurring his horse and riding away.
The others do the same and Micah turns to glance at me for a second.
"It's a lost cause, you know it" he says before going away.
After all we did, after all we risked together, everything is just gone.
Arthur stays there looking at them riding away with desperate eyes, and his look pushes me to dismount Buell to reach him, but before I can do it, he bends on his knees to cough.
With the weight on my chest turning into a black hole, I quickly cover the distance between us and put an hand on his shoulder.
"Oh…after all them years" he whispers.
I take one of his hands and with the other I touch his bearded face making him look at me.
"Let's go. You, me and Sadie" I say moving my eyes on the only shape at horseback who didn't left.
"We'll rescue her and then… I'll go with them, make sure they live a good life" I add and in the back of my mind Charles's faces appears for a brief moment.
He nods slightly before he turns to look at Tilly.
"Miss Tilly" he says reaching his horse and taking the money we stole from the train.
"Take this" he adds loading it on the back of Tilly's horse.
"Take Jack and you wait at Copperhead Landing, for Abigail and Fred" he ends.
"Thank you, Arthur" she says.
The two of them exchange a look full of what seems to be the same love a brother and a sister would share.
"You're a good girl, you live a good life now, you hear?" he replies.
"Alright, Arthur. I'll… I'll miss…"
It's like my throat is closed inside a strong knot, I can almost feel the pain as I try to swallow and tears start coming down my cheeks.
"Me too, sweetheart. Me too… Jack, come here…" he adds to Jack getting closer.
I'm not able to look at them anymore. I turn my back at them and exchange a look with Sadie who stares back with regret.
"Be brave, son… I'm gonna go get your momma" I hear Arthur saying.
I quickly dry my eyes and turn again.
"I'll see you two soon" I say to them before reaching Buell and mounting up.
Arthur does the same and the three of us leave, taking the road South-East.
"If they're putting her on a boat, they'll probably dock at the north end of town, so I reckon we should go in the other way" says Sadie.
"Sure, I guess. I don't know. Those goddamn bastards…" starts Arthur.
"Look, just follow me, okay? We're gonna get this done."
"I'm with you" I say fixing my eyes on the road.
I can't believe what just happened: me, I've been with them just for a few months, but Abigail… they were family, how could Dutch abandon her? Make Jack an orphan without blinking an eye. As soon as he took the money his first thought was to disappear and leave everyone behind.
The road leads us to the Lannahechee river, we see it as soon as the trail bends and it opens on the water landscape.
After the turn, a lighthouse makes its appearance and on the side of the road a little sign informs us that we've reached our destination.
"Okay, here we are. Let's ditch the horses and come up with a plan" says Sadie.
As I dismount from Buell, my eyes lay on the rifle hanging from the side of the saddle, the rifle John gave we the night of our first job together.
Don't worry, John, wherever you are, I'll take care of them, I think taking it and checking the charge.
I hear Arthur behind me coughing.
"How you feeling?" Sadie asks him.
"I'm okay" he answers.
I turn around and reach them as they look towards the trading post.
"I think you should cover us and we'll get in there and take her" says Sadie handing him a sniper rifle.
Arthur looks at her in something between disbelief and indignity.
"Cause you're the better shot I mean" she adds quickly.
I immediately understand why she's doing it and when both of them turn to look at me I nod in agreement.
"That ain't what you mean. I can still fight!" he exclaims.
"We know Arthur… just…" I say.
"Do it my way, honey. It's for the best" replies Sadie.
He still doesn't seem convinced.
"I want you to have my back. I feel safer" I add.
"Get up some place high like…" starts Sadie.
"The lighthouse" I complete her sentence pointing at the building in the distance.
Finally, he takes the rifle from Sadie's hands with a pissed expression on his face.
Sadie and I exchange a look.
"It's impossible with you two" he says before going away.
I smile at his words before I follow Sadie down the road that leads to the docks.
Halfway from our destination, we take cover behind a building, the top of the lighthouse perfectly visible from where we are, so that when Arthur we'll reach it we'll know it's our turn.
"You've done good before" I say to Sadie.
"It was a good idea to leave him out of the action."
"He's not too happy about it" she laughs.
"Yeah, well, it's for his own good."
But I still don't feel I'm doing all that's possible for him. He's a good man, probably he's always been without even know it, and he deserved so much better.
"You said you're going with Abigail and Jack. Why?" asks Sadie distracting me from my thoughts.
"They need someone who protects them."
"What about Charles?"
Hearing his name out loud is like a punch on the stomach.
"I don't know" I say lowering my eyes.
"What you mean 'you don't know'? Don't you love him?" she asks outraged.
"Of course I do! But… they need me."
"No, they don't. They need someone who takes care of them. I will take care of them, so you can go back to Charles, and for God's sake try to fix things and never let him go ever again!"
She keeps talking with that loud voice and marked words she uses when something doesn't go as she wants to, and this way she's making me understand she cares about me and my happiness.
"Are you sure about that? What about your life? You'll give up on it to dedicate yourself to them?" I ask her.
"My life has ended the day my husband died. Yours as started the day you killed the men who murdered your family. I won't let you spoil that. With Abigail and Jack I'll have the chance to do something good."
I open my mouth without knowing what to say.
Who could tell she knew so much about me? That she cared so much about me? And now I can truly go back to Charles and we can probably live our life together.
A thrill runs through my body and it suddenly recovers the life it had lost during these last few days. I would like to run in circle and jump and scream of joy, let everybody know I can go back to him, but instead Sadie pats me on my shoulder and points me the top of the lighthouse.
Arthur is in position.
We start moving slow and quiet, walking bended on ourselves and hiding every now and then behind some boxes or a building or a wagon, until we reach the docks. There, there are some armed men patrolling the streets.
"She must be inside there" tells me Sadie pointing a little cabin on the biggest dock.
"Okay" I murmur, before turning to look at Arthur in the distance.
I wave a hand in his direction and then I point at the patrols, running my thumb through my throat and making him understand he can start shooting.
He wastes no time.
As I hear the first shot, one of the man on the road falls on the ground, the other takes out his gun, but Sadie hits him.
I take out my pistol and we both move, crossing the road and hiding behind a boat on the shore, rolled on its side.
More men come out of the buildings and alleys, alerted by our shots, and Arthur deals with them, one after the other, and those he can't dispose of, we take care of.
We move when the way is free, getting on the road again and taking cover behind some boxes. Arthur and Sadie keep shooting, while I glance at the cabin we're supposed to reach.
The door is shut and I can't see movement on the inside from the windows.
"Are you sure she's in there?" I ask to Sadie.
"I think so, where else could she be?"
I look at the other buildings around me trying to understand where they could keep her, but they all look the same from the outside.
"The way it's free let's go" says Sadie getting out our covering and running away before I can tell her to stop.
Okay, I guess we'll try the one on the dock first and if she's not there we'll search every fucking house in Van Horne, I think following her.
This time she doesn't stop to take cover again, she runs until she gets on the dock and from there near the cabin, when a man with a rifle in his hands gets out from behind the corner, pointing it against us.
The shot makes me jump, but then the man falls on the ground and I turn to look at the lighthouse in backlighting, rising a hand to thank Arthur.
I waste no time and taking the last steps towards the building I put a hand on the doorknob, push it and…
There are three blurred shapes in front of me. A sound has woken me, but I have no idea of what it was.
I blink a couple of time as the pain on the back of my head begins to be felt.
"We offered you a deal, Mr. Morgan. You should have taken it."
I can hear again, and I soon understand who that voice belongs to.
"I'm a fool, Mr. Milton" replies Arthur.
"Not all you boys have much so many scruples. Old Micah Bell…"
"Micah?"
With much difficulty, my brain is able to catch the information and turn it into rage.
"You mean Molly" says Arthur.
"Molly O'Shea? We sweated her a couple of times, never talked a word, had to let her go. Micah Bell. We picked him up when you boys came back from the Caribbean and he's been a good boy ever since."
Molly was innocent. She had nothing to do with it. Micah… that bastard snake son of a bitch!
"Arthur" I mumble with my eyelids still heavy.
"Look who's awake. I think I've never saw you before. What's your name, Miss?" asks Milton.
"Fuck you" I whisper.
"Oh, a fighter. You seem to have…"
But he's not able to add anything else. I hear a struggle and force myself to open my eyes. Arthur has taken Milton's arms and he's trying to make his pistol fall on the ground. I try to move, but I find out I've been tied. Sadie next to me is in my same situation, while Abigail is tied on a chair. There are two dead bodies of the ground and their guns right next to them.
If only I could reach one.
"Fred" Abigail whispers and then nods to the ropes that keep her wrists on the armrests.
Summoning all my strength, I lay on my side and slither until I reach her. Then, with my teeth, I bite one of the ropes and pull as hard as I can.
In the meantime, I keep hearing Arthur and Milton struggling, and it seems it's not getting good for my friend.
"You're losing your strength, Mr. Morgan" laughs Milton.
It's like someone is pulling my teeth with pliers, but I don't stop biting and pulling until Abigail is able to free her hand.
Quickly, she grabs the gun from the ground and shoots.
I close my eyes and lay my still hurting head on the ground.
It's done. We did it. We're free.
I feel some hands on my arms and Abigail cuts me free. As I stand up, she reaches Sadie to free her from the ropes.
Arthur is on the ground, seated with his back against the wall.
My head swims when I stand up, but I try to ignore it and I stumble slowly in his direction.
"It's done, Arthur. It's done" I murmur reaching out a hand for him.
He nods and takes it to stand up.
"Come on, let's go" says Abigail opening the door.
We… we need to find the horses and get the hell out of here" Arthur tells us as we walk outside.
"You think there still are Pinker…"
The gunfire comes first, the pain immediately after.
I think no-one who's never experienced that could understand what it feels like. It's like when someone kicks you in the guts, but twice as painful and you feel, you can truly feel, the bullet inside you, breaking flesh and bones at its passage.
With my eyes fixed on Arthur's face, I bring my hand to my chest and sense the shirt cloth drenched in my own blood.
Then, it happens.
One of my lungs is invaded by the blood and it stops working. I try to inhale the air I need but I feel it blocked on my throat. My eyelids are heavy and my sight starts blacking out.
The pain keeps spreading.
When the lung can't contain any more blood, it starts raising through my throat. I cough trying to repress the instinct to throw up and a spill of blood exits my mouth.
The vision of my own blood makes me even weaker and my knees can't sustain me anymore, so I slowly slip on the ground as several hands grab me to make me stand.
"No, let me go, you have to run."
I would like to say these words, but I can't.
There are sounds around me that I'm not able distinguish: voices, shots, horses or steps? I can't tell.
I feel someone lifting me and the last thing I'm able to see is the world upside-down.
Yes, that's how it ends.
Now, being honest with you, I had this ending in my head since the beginning. Some ideas came with the writing but this, this I've known since ever.
Tomorrow I'll publish a little Epilogue, which is the true ending to the story, to make you understand some things and then prepare for the big speech!
See you tomorrow!