SHOW TITLE
TITLE CARD
CARD 1: Eric Forman's house
CARD 2: December 31, 1979
CARD 3: 8:45 p.m.
INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT
It's New Year's Eve - the end of the '70s. The Forman kitchen isn't decorated, but it is filled with trays of crackers, cheese, carrots, celery sticks, peanut butter, raisins – any number of snacks and party foods. RED and KITTY, dressed in warm but semi-formal clothes, are in the kitchen. Kitty works on the icing of a chocolate cake at the stovetop, while Red stands next to her, eyeing one of the snack trays. He reaches for a miniature sausage, but Kitty, without looking up, smacks his hand away.
RED:
Kitty, for God's sake, this food's been sitting here for almost an hour. Do you want me to just go hungry until 1980 gets here?
KITTY:
No, just until our guests come.
She finishes icing the cake, sets down the knife, and clasps her hands together.
KITTY (cont'd):
Oh, I'm so excited! Everyone, together again! You know, we haven't seen any of the kids since Eric went off to college. Donna's with him, Steven and Jackie are so busy in Chicago, and Michael and Fez stopped coming by after you caught them trying Michael's skeleton key on the basement door.
Red nods with pride.
KITTY (cont'd):
And, with the snowstorm, the only one who made it home for Christmas was Laurie, who stuck around just long enough to get her cash present before running on back to -
RED:
College.
KITTY:
Red, that girl is living with a French-Canadian -
RED:
College.
He refuses to meet Kitty's frown; he has his story, and he's sticking to it. Kitty shrugs it off, picks up a tray of snacks, and exits into...
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Kitty, with Red right behind her, sets the tray down on the coffee table.
KITTY:
Admit, Red Forman. You're excited to see the kids again too.
RED:
I was excited when they left. Their visits, I tolerate.
Before Kitty can reply to that, the doorbell rings. She and Red both hurry to the door.
KITTY:
Oh, that must be them.
She throws the door open and finds KELSO and FEZ, bundled up for the December chill. Kelso throws his arms wide while Fez readies a noisemaker.
KELSO:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fez gives the noisemaker a toot. He and Kelso grin broadly while Red rolls his eyes and Kitty manages a smile.
MAIN CREDITS
BUMPER
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The initial disappointment that they aren't Eric having passed, Kitty warmly beckons Kelso and Fez into her home, giving each boy a hug in turn.
KITTY:
Oh, boys! It is so nice to see you again!
KELSO:
It's great to see you, Mrs. Forman. We've missed you.
FEZ:
Yes. I am around a lot of old ladies at the salon, but none with your kindness, your way with bridge, or your foxy good looks.
He gives Kitty a would-be seductive glance. She smiles uncomfortably; Red scowls.
RED:
And I'll be none of them have a foot ready to go up your ass.
KELSO:
Ah, there's our Red! C'mere, you!
He and Fez open their arms and advance, as if to hug Red.
RED:
Don't touch me.
The boys back off. Instead, they shed their coats and stroll into the living room and sit down on the couch, helping themselves to the snack tray.
KELSO:
All right, New Year's 1980! That's, like, a new century! Are we the first ones here? I figured Donna at least would've shown up by now.
KITTY:
You mean Eric and Donna.
FEZ:
Oh, I'm not sure about that. The last time we called them, Donna answered, and when we asked to talk to Eric, she said that Eric was in his new apartment.
Red and Kitty's jaws drop; they haven't heard a thing about this.
KELSO:
Then she said, "oops," and we asked, "what's up with you two," and she said "nothing," but it was the kind of "nothing" we always used to say when we broke something around here and you caught us but we tried to cover it up.
FEZ:
Then we offered to drive to Madison to console her – sexually. That's when she hung up.
They turn back to the snack tray as Red and Kitty share stunned looks.
KITTY:
Eric's in a new apartment?
RED:
Don't tell me that dumbass screwed things up with Donna again! He's had half the damn decade to get it right!
KITTY:
(to Kelso, Fez)
Are they broken up? Are they moving?
FEZ:
We don't know. We haven't talked to them in a while.
KELSO:
We've been pretty busy.
KITTY:
Oh – yes. I'm sorry, boys. Michael, is watching your daughter on weekends working out? And how are things with you boys, sharing an apartment?
KELSO/FEZ:
Awesome./It's magical.
They both look up with matching dopey grins. Track in on their faces, and we begin:
MONTAGE. Set to "It's a Sunshine Day" by the Brady Bunch.
A) Kelso and Fez, looking straight into the camera and walking in exaggerated jaunts in time to the music in front of an obvious green screen of a town street on a bright sunny day.
B) CONVIENIENCE STORE, run down and poorly stocked. A MASKED ROBBER is holding up the CLERK with a knife. Two cops burst through the door, one of them Kelso. The robber keeps his knife pointed at the clerk as he backs up. The cops draw their mace. Kelso is holding his backwards – something he only realizes when he shoots. He hurls back, his can of mace flying. Kelso crashes into the outside shelf and sets off the dominos, knocking every shelf in the building down even as he rolls over them, kicking in pain and grasping at his eyes.
C) SALON. On a busy day where every stylist is taken, a long line still forms for Fez. We track along the line until we reach Fez, hard at work on an ATTRACTIVE GINGER WOMAN. Fez is on the final stage – drying and styling. He sits the woman all the way up, revealing soft waves. The ginger pats her hair in stunned ecstasy. Fez holds up a mirror so she can have a better look. The ginger stands and offers him her hand. He goes in for a kiss instead. She slaps him, sending his face crashing into the still-full sink.
D) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. It is late at night, and the place appears empty. The door swings open and Kelso enters, wrapped around a BUXOM BLONDE. The two of them make out furiously all the way to the bedroom door, which Kelso manages to open without disentangling himself. They start to make their way into the room, but what's inside causes the blonde to shriek. Kelso, when he gets a look, averts his eyes. The blonde flees from the apartment. Kelso tries to beckon her back, but fails. He turns the lights on and charges into the bedroom. Fez emerges, his fly and his belt open, and he runs around the apartment, chased by Kelso.
E) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. The boys on the couch, a trashed apartment all around them. They each have a keg of beer and a tap. They link arms and spray into their mouths.
F) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. MUSIC CHANGE: a music box rendition of "Hush, Little Baby." The weekend is here, and the apartment is immaculately clean. BROOKE is in the doorway with BETSY. She hands Betsy off to Kelso, and her baby carrier to Fez, then exits. Kelso rocks Betsy gently in his arms as he and Fez both lean in to make goo-goo faces at her.
G) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. Kelso, on the couch, feeds Betsy her bottle as Fez watches from behind.
H) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. Kitchen area. Fez burps Betsy while Kelso plays with a teddy bear.
I) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. Bedroom. A baby crib is set up, with Betsy inside. Kelso and Fez look in on the crib. Kelso strums a guitar as he and Fez sing Betsy a lullaby.
J) KELSO AND FEZ'S APARTMENT. The weekend is over. Brooke is back in the doorway. She collects Betsy from Kelso's arms. With a smile, she exits, and Kelso and Fez smile and wave her goodbye. Once she's gone, and the door is shut, there is a MUSIC CHANGE back to "It's a Sunshine Day," and Kelso and Fez both pull out beer cans. They shake them up, crack them open, and spray the foam at each other.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Back to the present. Kelso and Fez both nod contentedly at the picture of their life. Red and Kitty seem much less pleased.
RED:
You two aren't getting back in here once we're in the '80s.
BUMPER
MUSIC NOTE: "Last Dance" by Donna Summer.
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
A short time later. The music continues, as a song over the radio. The party is properly underway, and it's a bigger crowd than just the kids. W.B. and ANGIE stand on the stairs, chatting with Brooke. LEO sifts through a bowl of mixed nuts on the bar with his fingers while Kitty stands behind the bar, making herself a drink. CASEY KELSO walks the floor while nursing a rum and coke, and MR. AND MRS. KELSO, along with several burly boys who can only be KELSO'S OTHER BROTHERS, mingle with FEZ'S OLD HOST PARENTS and PASTOR DAVE. Red and BOB stand off by the kitchen door, drinking beer.
Kelso and Fez, standing by couch, happily take in the scene.
KELSO:
This is so great. It's just like old times. We've got Leo, we've got Bob, we've got Mrs. Forman getting drunk and flirting with my brother.
Sure enough, Casey has made it to the bar, and is chatting up Kitty while she mixes her drink.
CASEY:
So I says to the guy, "for that kind of money, what the hell?" And now I'm dancing at the club.
Kitty, breathless, leans on the bar and gazes up at Casey's face.
KITTY:
(swooning)
Oh, yes.
Over by the kitchen door, Bob smiles as he looks over the party. Red scowls, but an unusually peaceful scowl.
RED:
Look at all these freeloaders. Just when I was getting used to having my house back, too.
BOB:
You seem pretty relaxed about it, Red. Usually by now, you're threatening to call the cops on your own party and tell 'em the guests are trespassing.
RED:
(shrugs)
Yeah, well... we're closing out a decade, after all, and it makes Kitty happy, seeing everybody again.
He nods his wife's way; Kitty and Leo are happily chatting.
RED (cont'd):
And I'll admit – it's not so bad, having a little break from all the peace and quiet. But I tell ya, Bob – having the kids out of the house is everything I dreamed it would be.
He gives a small smile, sighs, and looks up. Slow zoom in on his face as we cut to:
MONTAGE. Set to an orchestral arrangement of "Anchors Aweigh."
A) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. The middle of the day. A clearly unhappy Red is slumped in his chair, clicker in hand. He mindlessly clicks his way through the TV channels, while occasionally looking around the room with a deep frown.
B) FORMAN AND SON. A dead day for business. Red stands at the counter, leaning on the countertop with his head in his hands; he's bored out of his skull. He looks around his empty shop before fiddling with a wrench on the countertop.
C) FORMAN BASEMENT. Some work has been done to redecorate the basement into a gentleman's retreat, as Red once envisioned, but that work is limited and halfhearted; a few hunting trophies and Packers merchandise left scattered around the room. Red sits on the couch, punching one hand into a catcher's mitt, as he looks around the basement.
D) FORMAN KITCHEN. Red, dressed for work, reads the newspaper at the kitchen table while Kitty cleans the stovetop. An empty water glass is by Red's elbow. As he turns the page, he knocks the glass to the floor, where it shatters. Red immediately jumps to his feet and flies into an exaggerated fit of yelling, shaking his fists, and glaring up at the ceiling. Kitty nonchalantly collects the glass pieces as Red keeps going.
E) FORMAN LIVING ROOM. Red is in his chair again, this time with a bottle of beer. SCHATZI sleeps at his feet. Red takes a covert glance, makes sure Schatzi is sleeping. He tips his beer so that a small amount splashes onto the carpet by Schatzi's rear. As soon as a spot is visible, Red jumps up, shakes his fist at a still-sleeping Schatzi, and scolds him as if he had an accident.
F) FORMAN MASTER BEDROOM. Red paces back and forth, ranting at raving and shaking his finger directly into the camera. A reverse shot reveals his real target - a PHOTO OF ERIC.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Back to the present, and back to the party. Red shakes off his mental recap of the last few months and turns back to Bob.
RED:
You know, Bob, we haven't seen you over here much lately. How about we keep it that way?
BOB:
(chuckles)
Hey, I've got no wife, no daughter – I'm free to do whatever I want. It's a busy time for Bob.
CUT TO:
INT. PINCIOTTI LIVING ROOM – DAY
A day in the life of "busy time" Bob. He sits in front of the TV with a tray of lasagna. THE LOVE BOAT is on the tube. Bob shovels what's left of the lasagna into his face with a fork and sets the tray down. He belches and opens his belt. Patting his stomach, he lets out a long sigh. A flicker of discomfort crosses his face; matters are afoot down below. Bob stands and crosses to the bathroom, disappearing inside.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Back to the present.
BOB:
(to Red)
So, when are the kids getting here?
RED:
Ya got me. Say – you haven't heard from Donna lately, have you? Because Kelso said something about Eric moving into a new apartment.
BOB:
New apartment? What's going on?
Kitty, walking the floor, overhears and rushes to join in on the conversation.
KITTY:
(to Bob)
You didn't know either?
BOB:
It's the first I'm hearing about it. Did your bastard run off on my little girl again?
KITTY:
Well, how do you know your harlot didn't dump my baby boy again?
BOB:
Don't you call my Donna a harlot, Kitty!
KITTY:
Don't you call my Eric a bastard!
Bob looks ready to retort, but Red steps between them.
RED:
All right, let's not spoil the new year. Let's just agree that they're both morons and give 'em hell when they show up.
The doorbell rings and the door opens, but it isn't Eric or Donna. It's JACKIE and HYDE, both snazzily dressed for the party and for the winter weather. Jackie has an enormous bag slung over her arm.
JACKIE:
Happy New Year!
Kitty hurries over to them, Red right behind her. She immediately snatches Hyde up into a crushing hug. Jackie does the same with Red.
KITTY/JACKIE:
Steven! My second son! Oh, I've missed you./Mr. Forman! Oh!
HYDE:
(cringing in her hug)
No, that's all right, Mrs. Forman... no, you don't have to... ugh, okay, I missed you too!
He gives her a light hug back, which is enough to get her to release him. Red, meanwhile, cringes in Jackie's hug.
RED:
(to Jackie)
You couldn't have outgrown this in Chicago?
She lets him go, just in time for Kelso and Fez to come running up. She meets them in a big group hug.
JACKIE:
Michael! Fezzie!
KELSO/FEZ:
Jackie!/We missed you!
JACKIE:
Oh, I missed you too –
(stern)
Get your hands off of there.
They let go, but don't get back in time to avoid Hyde slugging them both in the arm.
KELSO:
(to Hyde)
And we missed that too. C'mere, Hyde!
The boys have a quick group hug of their own. Kelso and Fez give Hyde a once-over, Kelso fiddling with Hyde's jacket.
KELSO (cont'd):
Man, look at you – new jacket, new shirt, new watch, new boots... the only thing old about you is your face.
HYDE:
Well, man, somethin' told me that ringing in a new decade was a time to break out the nice duds. And that something kept telling me, hour after hour after hour, 'til I finally said, "would you shut up, Jackie? I'll do it already."
JACKIE:
(teasing)
Well, what's the point of buying my man nice outfits if I don't get to show 'em off once in a while?
She plays with Hyde's collar.
FEZ:
Jackie, you paid for Hyde's fancy threads?
JACKIE:
Fez, do you know how much money I make, working on TV? I pay for everything. I said a lot of things about those feminists growing up, and they're still totally wrong about hair and lipstick and how men are supposed to carry you over puddles and everything – but making the most money kind of kicks ass.
HYDE:
Works out for me, too. She always leaves her purse lying around. I've never had an easier time picking someone's pocket.
He and Jackie smile at each other, she "awws." She leans against his chest as he puts his arm around her shoulders.
JACKIE:
Oh! I almost forgot –
She stands up straight, reaches into her bag, and pulls out a brandy bottle.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Mrs. Forman, we got you something for Christmas. My mom took off for Tijuana, and she left the cabinet where she keeps her good brandy unlocked.
She presents Kitty with the bottle.
KITTY:
Ooh, honey, let's you and me mosey on over to the bottle opener.
Laughing, she leads Jackie to the bar.
Hyde pulls a small envelope from his jacket, hands it to Red.
HYDE:
Here you go, Red. A little late Christmas present.
Red takes the envelope, opens it up. He nearly drops the contents as his eyes bug out.
RED:
(breathless)
Season Packers tickets.
(looks up at Hyde)
You know I don't usually do this.
He throws himself at Hyde in a tight hug. Hyde smirks, pats Red on the back, and gently eases him back.
HYDE:
Yeah, they're from me and Forman. He knew he was gonna be late, so he asked me to bring 'em.
RED:
(pockets tickets)
Say, when was the last time you spoke to Eric? What's going on with this new apartment he's got?
Jackie looks over from the bar as Kitty pours two glasses of brandy.
JACKIE:
You don't know? We were gonna ask you.
KITTY:
(to Jackie)
No, we don't know anything. Have you heard from Donna at all?
JACKIE:
Well, we were over at their apartment for Thanksgiving, and everything seemed fine. Then, a few weeks ago, they said they were going to be gone for the weekend and asked us to housesit, and that's when we noticed all of Eric's stuff was gone. But when we asked them about it, all they said was, "we're moving."
Red, Hyde, Kelso, and Fez step down to the bar, and Bob crosses the room to join them.
BOB:
"We?" As in both of 'em?
KITTY:
But only Eric's things were gone?
JACKIE:
(nods)
And then, when Eric and Steven went to get the Packers tickets, Donna asked me to help her with her hair. She was taking forever to dry it out, so I started going through her mail, and it turns out she has a passport.
BOB:
A passport?
KITTY:
Oh, my God.
RED:
What the hell is going on with those two?
Everyone shifts on their feet as worry crosses their faces.
HYDE:
This is an unsettling and awkward situation. It calls for beer.
He crosses the room and disappears into the kitchen.
The tension broken, Kelso, Fez, and Bob disperse into the party while Jackie goes behind the bar to sip her brandy. Kitty takes hers in hand, moves to Red's side.
KITTY:
(pained)
Oh, Red.
RED:
(embraces her)
Look, Kitty, I know this all sounds bad. But Steven said Eric's on his way, and I'm sure he'll explain everything. And, if he doesn't, I'll make him. He knows I still can.
Kitty leans into his hug, wraps her arms around his waist. Her eyes flicker over to the coffee table, where the tray of snacks is now empty.
KITTY:
(softly)
Do you think you could get the other tray from the kitchen?
RED:
Sure.
He kisses her forehead, lets her go. He crosses into...
INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – NIGHT
... And is greeted by the sight of Hyde standing at the open fridge, SCHATZI in his arms. Hyde is feeding Schatzi an uncooked hot dog when he looks up, sees Red.
HYDE:
(beat)
Schatzi's upset about Forman and Donna too.
Red frowns, crosses his arms.
FADE TO BLACK
COMMERCIAL
BUMPER
MUSIC NOTE: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In" by The 5th Dimension.
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The party goes on. Hyde, having shed his jacket, is now talking with W.B., Angie, and Leo on the stairs while petting Schatzi. Fez, his host parents, and Brooke chat by the organ. Red and Pastor Dave stand together near the kitchen door. Bob and most of the Kelso clan have the bar.
Kitty sits in Red's chair, with Jackie (also sans jacket) and Kelso on the couch. They all have glasses of brandy, but Kitty is the farthest along on hers.
KITTY:
Why? Why would my son do this? Why is he keeping so many secrets? Is he worried what we'll think of him? Because mothers don't judge – they love. And sometimes get very, very disappointed.
JACKIE:
Okay, Mrs. Forman, I know all this stuff with Eric and Donna has upset you. But, on the bright side – Steven and I set a date for our wedding!
She produces invitations from her bag – large scrolls with sealed ribbons. She gives one each to Kitty and Kelso, who wastes no time opening his up.
KELSO:
(reading)
"Steven and Jaqueline Burkhart-Hyde cordially request the honor of your presence at the celebration of their union – March 21, 1980, St. James Cathedral, Chicago."
(to Jackie)
Isn't that, like, one of the biggest churches in the city?
JACKIE:
Yep. That was the deal we made – a big, fancy wedding for me, a "special" honeymoon in Amsterdam for Steven.
KITTY:
Well, honey, all honeymoons are special.
She doesn't get it, and Jackie and Kelso don't enlighten her.
KITTY (cont'd):
Oh, this does sound lovely, Jackie. And of course, we'll be there. And maybe, while we're in Chicago, we'll even get a chance to see you on TV again. We don't get your show here in Wisconsin.
KELSO:
Yeah, how's that going, being entertainment anchor?
JACKIE:
Michael, it's me. I'm fabulous.
She looks up, a proud glint in her eye. Slow zoom in as we begin:
MONTAGE. Set to "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles.
A) ANCHOR DESK. The entertainment desk for Chicago's WSNS station, with all the lights down except for a background light creating a silhouette of the anchor. As the lights rise and the camera tracks in, we see Jackie, with perfect hair and stylish suit. She is just a little too aware of the camera as she delivers her segment.
JACKIE:
Good evening, Chicago. I'm Jackie Burkhart, and this is Jackie's Corner.
B) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another outfit. We join Jackie in the middle of a film review.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Okay, so – my fiancé loves Monty Python, and their first movie is funny and all, but I have a question: what was with the coconuts? Could they not afford a horse? Newsflash, England – ladies want to see men on horseback. Even if they're doughy, bad-teeth Englishmen.
C) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie's still playing to the camera. Michael Jackson's album OFF THE WALL is in her hands.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Off the Wall: it's hip, it's hot, it's flying off the shelves – but who thought a bow tie this big was a good idea?
She points at the tie of Jackson's tuxedo on the album and shakes her head.
D) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit. Jackie's hair is a preview of the coming decade: the Whale Spout hairstyle, with some crimps for good measure. Jackie's eyes roll up, as if she could see her hair that way.
JACKIE (cont'd):
(scoffs)
Like this will ever catch on.
E) ANCHOR DESK. Another day, another story, another outfit.
JACKIE (cont'd):
So Star Trek gets a movie but Charlie's Angels have to stay on the small screen?
She holds up two photos – an unflattering one of William Shatner, and a glam shot of Jaclyn Smith.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Look at these pictures and tell me who's going to move the most tickets.
F) ANCHOR DESK. Jackie is sitting on her desk this time, spread out across it. She is modelling the quintessential 1980s look – big hair, big shoulders, neon colors, and leg warmers. She looks down at those leg warmers, gives her right leg a shake, and looks into the camera.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Call me crazy, but I think leg warmers might be here to stay.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Back to the present, as Jackie gives a contended sigh and leans back into the couch.
A clearly unhappy Brooke and an apologetic Fez march to the couch and stand over Kelso.
BROOKE:
Michael, Fez just let it slip that you two have been having crazy beer parties when you aren't watching Betsy.
KELSO:
Uh? Oh, no. Fez is just confused, since he's foreign. See, in his language, "beer" means...
No lie comes to mind. Instead, Kelso slaps Fez hard in the hand. Fez slaps his face back. Kelso stands, and the two of them get into a rapid-fire slap fight.
Over by the kitchen door, Bob joins Red and Pastor Dave as Red pulls out his gift from Hyde and Eric.
BOB:
(whistles)
Season tickets? That's nice.
Pastor Dave, trembling, lets out a high, girlish squeal of delight, one that cuts off as soon as he sees the way Red and Bob are looking at him.
RED:
You know I can't take you to a game if you do that, Dave.
Dave, contrite, nods and looks down at his feet.
On the stairs, Hyde shifts Schatzi under one arm so he can put the other around Leo.
HYDE:
Leo, man, how's Grooves?
LEO:
Great, man. The Wall? Pink Floyd? It sounded awesome, man.
HYDE:
No, Leo, I meant Grooves, the record store.
(beat)
That we hired you to run when I moved to Chicago.
LEO:
I run a record store? Wow, I'm really moving up in the world.
ANGIE:
(laughing)
He's actually been doing an okay job. We've only had one complaint about a hippy orgy.
HYDE:
(nods)
W.B., how're things in Milwaukee, man?
W.B.:
Are you kidding? It's great! Having Angie there in the corporate office is the best decision I ever made.
(Angie beams)
See, right before I gave her that promotion, I got into this snooty country club. They didn't think I'd be there much. But now that I've got Angie running things, I'm there all day, every day – with friends. And there's nothing those brothers love more than making white people uncomfortable.
HYDE:
Nice.
W.B.:
And what about you, Steven? How's business in Chicago?
HYDE:
Flying.
He flashes a cheeky grin. Slow zoom in as we cut to:
MONTAGE. Set to the instrumental track of "Nobody's Fault But Mine" covered by Led Zeppelin.
A) GROOVES, CHICAGO. THE CIRCLE. Hyde sits behind the counter, a diffuse cloud of smoke all around him. He coughs, waves some of the smoke away, and flashes a grin at the camera.
HYDE:
Welcome to Grooves.
B) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – SPIRITS HAVING FLOWN by the Bee Gees. Hyde looks up with utter contempt.
HYDE (cont'd):
The Bee Gees? You know there's a 20% tax on crap in this store, right?
C) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. An unseen customer hands Hyde his choice of record from off-camera – BACKLESS by Eric Clapton. Hye looks up and nods approvingly.
HYDE (cont'd):
Nice. And you know there's a 20% discount on rock n' roll in this store, right?
D) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. This time, Hyde is busy with a lighter: he very casually sets a sleeve for ABBA's VOULEZ-VOUS on fire.
E) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde leans back and tips a bag of potato chips. The entire bag showers down over his face, and some of them even make into his mouth. He happily munches down.
F) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another – particularly intense – Circle. Hyde leans in to speak to an unseen customer off-camera.
HYDE (cont'd):
Hey, did you hear about that car that runs on water? It's got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine, and it runs on water, man!
G) GROOVES, CHICAGO. Another day, another Circle. Hyde performs air guitar to the montage music.
H) JACKIE AND HYDE'S APARTMENT, clearly decorated by Jackie but currently filled with dim lighting and a smoky haze. (MUSIC NOTE: song cuts out.) Jackie and Hyde sit together, their heads leaned against each other and matching spaced-out smiles on their faces.
JACKIE:
Baby, I think you're late for work.
HYDE:
I thought you were late for work.
They both sit up slightly, puzzling the answer.
JACKIE:
Huh.
HYDE:
Maybe we're both late for work.
JACKIE:
Or – is work late for us?
She wiggles her eyebrows, "think about it." Hyde gives her a short stare, then leans down for a kiss. They fall out of frame as they make out as the montage music resumes for a final sting.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT
Back to the present. Jackie has joined Hyde, who has his arm around her shoulders. Leo, W.B., and Angie disperse into the party.
Red and Kitty cross to Jackie and Hyde.
KITTY:
Steven, do you have any idea when Eric is coming? It's almost midnight.
Bob, Kelso, and Fez join them.
BOB:
And what about Donna? No one knows if she's coming to this party?
A lot of shaking heads answer.
BOB (cont'd):
Come on, I'm her dad. I deserve some answers. What's going on with that passport? What's going on with her and Eric?
KITTY:
Red, I'm getting worried. There's no reason they shouldn't be here by now.
HYDE:
You want us to go look for 'em, Mrs. Forman?
KITTY:
Oh, honey, would you?
KELSO:
Yeah, that's a good idea.
(pulls out cop badge)
Okay, everybody, line up! We're turning this New Year's party into a search party!
He draws focus from everyone in the party, but only for a second; most of the guests turn back to their conversations. Hyde, Jackie, and Fez disperse, searching for their coats, ignoring Kelso's hand signals to form a line.
CUT TO:
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
A thick layer of snow covers the hedges and the yard, but the driveway is clear. The VISTA CRUISER, with suitcases packed and tied on top, slowly backs up into the driveway and parks. ERIC, bundled up for the cold, steps out. He gives a long look around his old home before climbing up on the hood of his car to sit back and look at the stars.
DONNA, also bundled up, and with red hair and a short haircut, comes up the driveway. A knapsack is slung over her shoulder. She taps Eric on the foot to get his attention.
DONNA:
Hey.
ERIC:
(sits up)
Hey. You made it.
DONNA:
(nods)
Snuck the last of my stuff out of my dad's house. I'm just here to say goodbye to everybody, then it's off to the airport.
ERIC:
Good.
(sits back)
You know, I still remember the night you first kissed me on the Vista Cruiser. It was warmer then.
DONNA:
Yeah, well... a lot of things are different now.
ERIC:
(softly)
Yeah.
Donna climbs up next to Eric and sits back too. Overhead shot on the two of them slowly pulls out as we begin:
MONTAGE. Set to "Thirteen" by Big Star. A collection of moments Eric and Donna have shared over seven seasons. Included in the montage are:
A) The aforementioned first kiss.
B) Eric and Donna moving to hold hands over the scented candle of Eric's 17th birthday.
C) Their dance at junior prom.
D) Cuddling in the back of Kelso's van.
E) The "Fernando" dance.
F) Their wrestling greatest hits.
G) Shoving each other's heads.
H) Eric's proposal, and his slipping the engagement ring on Donna's finger.
CUT TO:
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Back to the present, and an extreme close-up on Eric and Donna's intertwined hands. We see for the first time that Donna has a wedding band on her left ring finger. Slow zoom out as Eric and Donna turn in to face each other.
ERIC:
So – how pissed do you think everyone'll be when we tell them that you're leaving tonight to study abroad in London, I'm working on moving my pilot program there so I can follow you next semester, and – just to put a cherry on this stupid sundae – we went and eloped right before Christmas?
DONNA:
(laughs)
Pretty pissed. I think Red might finally put his foot up your ass.
ERIC:
You know, he actually did that once.
DONNA:
Really?
ERIC:
(nods)
Iwo Jima. He doesn't like to talk about it.
They laugh again, then scoot together and kiss. And kiss again. And keep kissing, so passionately that they fail to notice Hyde, Jackie, Kelso, and Fez standing by the patio door.
Donna finally opens her eyes, sees them. She sits up, alerting Eric, who flips around and sees all his scowling friends.
ERIC (cont'd):
Oh – hey, guys!
They keep scowling.
ERIC (cont'd):
So, um – how – how much of that did you hear?
They keep scowling.
ERIC (cont'd):
Well, this is awkward.
(beat)
Boy, I wish there was some way to take the edge off all this.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT
THE CIRCLE. Eric and Donna sit together. Eric takes a deep breath.
ERIC:
Edge, you are officially off.
DONNA:
(to the gang)
I'm really glad I got to see you all before I left for London. And I'm even happier that we didn't trust any of you bozos with the fact we're married.
Pan to Hyde, with Jackie in his lap.
JACKIE:
Donna, I think it's so romantic that you and Eric eloped. Plus, this way, there's no chance your wedding can upstage mine. And you're my maid of honor, so you'd better be back here for it!
Pan to Kelso.
KELSO:
(to Eric, Donna)
London, huh? Hey, Eric, you know what you should do when you get over there? You should find one of those guards with the big hats, and you should see if you can make him laugh. And Donna, you should have a camera, so you can take pictures when the guard starts beating Eric up. That way, I'll laugh.
Pan to Fez.
FEZ:
(to Eric, Donna)
And while you're there, you can spit on the palace from me. The British hate my country. That is why the Beatles can kiss my ass!
Pan to Kelso.
KELSO:
You know, Fez, you've never told us what country you're from. How about letting us know before the year's over?
Pan to Fez.
FEZ:
Isn't it obvious?
(scoffs)
Fine. It's –
Pan to Eric and Donna.
ERIC:
Hold that thought, Fez. You know, guys – this might be the last Circle we ever have together.
Pan to Hyde and Jackie.
JACKIE:
Aww... that's kind of sad.
HYDE:
It's a time for reflection. Like on how many of our brain cells survived the '70s. Despite our best efforts, some of those bastards pulled through. But tonight – they're going down.
Pan to Kelso.
KELSO:
Way ahead of you, Hyde.
He pops open a can of beer and takes a chug.
Pan to Fez, who also has a beer.
FEZ:
Die, brain cells, die! And you're next, liver.
He takes a sip.
Pan to Eric and Donna.
ERIC:
It's like – we always have to remember this moment.
Unnoticed by Eric or Donna, Red appears behind them.
Pan to Jackie and Hyde, in stunned shock.
Pan to Kelso, giggling silently.
Pan to Fez, in fear for his life.
Pan to Eric and Donna, confused.
DONNA:
What?
Red bends down so that his head is over Eric's shoulder, giving Eric and Donna a jump.
RED:
(to Eric)
UPSTAIRS! Your mother's pouring the champagne for the countdown, and then you're all gonna get it!
He storms off. Eric and Donna, stunned, share a look.
ERIC:
We're dead.
He and Donna break up laughing.
The Circle is broken. Everyone is laughing now. They all stand and make for the stairs.
ERIC (cont'd):
Oh, hey, guys – last one upstairs has to call Red a dumbass!
The dare set, everyone breaks for the stairs. The girls, Fez, and Eric make it up safely, leaving Hyde and Kelso to wrestle it out. Hyde gets a good hold on Kelso and tosses him back before racing upstairs. Kelso recovers, looks around, realizes he's lost.
KELSO:
Aww, man!
He grabs the stupid helmet and starts a slow, reluctant, petulant march up the stairs as everyone in the party begins the countdown.
COUNTDOWN (v.o.):
TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!
TITLE CARD
The THAT '70S SHOW license plate, now marked with a 1980 sticker.
FADE TO BLACK
END CREDTIS
INT. VISTA CRUISER – NIGHT
The gang, driving to the airport together in the Vista Cruiser. Eric drives, with Donna next to him and Hyde in the passenger's seat with Jackie in his lap. Behind them is Donna's knapsack, then Kelso, then Fez. They all sing along to the radio – "In the Street" by Big Star.
GANG:
Past the street light
Out past midnight...
JACKIE:
Boy, we're good!
FEZ:
We're really good!
Hyde seems skeptical of that claim, but he, and the rest of the gang, continue to jam to the music.
END.
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