A/N: Welcome back. Thank you for the lovely reviews, they are a treat to read and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave feedback. Special thanks to those 'guest reviewers', too; as I can't respond to you directly, know that you have my sincere gratitude. Hope everyone is staying safe & healthy. Take care :)
"And all I loved, I loved alone."
-Edgar Allen Poe
Hermione could feel herself being pulled from the depths of sleep by the strangest of sensations; a low, rumbling vibration. It seemed to be softly humming all around her, rippling across her and soothing her in the gentlest of ways. A ragged breath pulled through her parched lips and for a split second, the exquisite pain gripping her lightened ever so slightly as she thought of him.
Severus...he's come back to me.
As she slowly peeled open her blood-shot eyes to look for him, she realized she had cried herself to sleep on her bathroom floor. As she glanced around the cramped space, her heart tightened once more as she realized he was not there. She was not, however, alone. She discovered the source of the strange vibration: the shimmering glow of a grey tabby patronus. The ephemeral cat was purring and sitting patiently beside her, atop a thick gray bathmat, rhythmically kneading its translucent paws in and out of the woven mat and watching Hermione with great interest.
"Hermione, I need to see you in my office at once," came Minerva's stern voice from the mouth of the ghostly-looking cat.
Hermione sighed in resignation, closing her eyes at the words as she gently rested her head once more upon the frigid tile, her cheek still aching from the slap Minerva had doled out to silence her insolent tongue.
Of course...more demands. They only want me when they need something.
"Dearest, please come," Minerva offered more gently, a tenderness creeping into her usually brisk Scottish brogue, "we need to speak."
At this, the tabby gently bowed its small head and nuzzled her small snout into Hermione's open palm.
Warmth spread across her fingertips even though she could feel nothing solid and tears sprung to her tired eyes at the sight. She gently reached her thumb up to caress the tabby, longing for some kind of connection, but like a fleeting morning mist, it suddenly disappeared, leaving Hermione alone once more.
She closed her eyes and felt the burning tears fall down her cheeks, the only warmth she could draw any comfort from.
She might've laid there all day and stared at the peeling paint near the foot of the tub had her back not been twisted into coarse knots from a night spent asleep on the tile.
So she carefully and slowly pulled herself off the bathroom floor. Her neck, back and legs instantly screaming as a million hot needles jabbed at her sore, strained muscles, her head pounding with each wretched heartbeat.
Still clothed in only pajama pants and a thin bed sheet, she felt chilled to the bone as she rested her spinning head against the wall. She drew several deep breaths, trying desperately to quell the swell of pain blooming within her but it was no use. She felt vertigo viciously take hold of her frail form and she gratefully lunged for the toilet, wrenching repeatedly until her woozy stomach mercifully emptied.
Clinging to the toilet with both hands, she gently rested her head on the cool porcelain edge as the previous night's events played in her mind.
Her hand striking her face with a brute force.
His life ebbing away before her very eyes.
Magic flowing across their skin, entwining them, binding them.
Cold, cruel words spilling from his lips like bitter poison.
Whiskey burning her throat raw.
His hot, eager mouth caressing her skin.
Smeared red lipstick littering his neck.
Sorrow and regret burning in his soot-black eyes.
She winced at the weight of it all. She couldn't go back to the castle, not now.
What could possibly await her at there besides more pain and disappointment?
She would leave without a word, no one need know where she would go. She could start over anywhere. Her mind made up, she stood upon weak, shaky legs and focused her meager energy on getting cleaned up.
Summoning a small scrap of strength, she washed her face, and grabbed her filthy clothes from the bathroom floor. She lumbered back into her darkened bedroom, the sun still stooped and dawn having not yet broke. Sitting down heavily atop the edge of her rumpled bed, she dressed in the dark, pulling on her panties and bra, followed by her jeans. As she buttoned the fly, she felt something in her pocket. Puzzled, she reached a hand in and pulled out the smooth spiraled fiddlehead fern that Luna had given her the night before; the color still verdant and shiny, and the spiral still tightly wound. She let her fingers trace the smooth vine a moment as the meaning of the plant dawned upon her: sincerity, humility, and the unbreakable bonds of love.
Of course Luna would offer her such a whimsical token, Hermione thought angrily. She made to throw the blasted thing in the waste basket but found she was simply too exhausted. She shoved it back in her pocket with a heavy sigh and grabbed her shirt.
As she stood and slipped the ratty fabric over her head, she felt a swell of comfort flood her body as she took a deep breath.
Severus...his scent on her top, to be more precise.
Her eyes stung with unshed tears. She sat down heavily on the bed once more and stared out her bedroom window, a single beam of cold moon light washing across her face. She watched her reflection in the window, so pale and stark against the darkened sky, wondering how on earth her whole world had collapsed into such sudden, inescapable darkness. She sat there a long time, simply bathing in the silence; inert, empty and alone.
But slowly the sun began to rise and pushed out the powerful night and her darkened reflection along with it. Soon, all that remained was a soft dusty sky of pink, the fainted edge of gray slowly giving way to the evergrowing light.
She closed her eyes and ran her fingers along the imprint of the fern in her pocket, letting herself momentarily get lost in the swirls and dips, seemingly endless and yet not. She drew in a deep breath, grabbed her wand and silently left the sleeping, quiet home.
~~~0000~~~
"Rest now, Professor. Everything is going to be alright."
"You could never repulse me. There's not a single thing about you that would bother me."
"No, you're not mean, not really...not to me."
"Nothing is broken that can not be made right. Trust me, we will find a way…together we will."
"There's just something about being here…with you. It makes me feel…safe and… hopeful. Like everything is going to be just fine. And I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt that."
"I kissed you because…because, I love you, Severus. That night in the forest, when you saved me from Remus, I felt it. And I've felt it every night since. I love you with all my heart."
"You're right, Severus, you really are a monster."
All through the long night, visions of her plagued Severus' addled mind. He couldn't remember leaving 12 Grimmauld Place nor aimlessly wandering the streets of London. All he could see, all he could feel, was her; battered and belittled, thrown away as if she meant nothing at all. He walked until his legs gave out and he collapsed onto a deserted park bench. Exhausted and disoriented, he finally glanced up to see the night sky just beginning to lighten as the dawn approached.
Minerva's patronus trotted up to him just then, requesting his presence. He sighed but dutifully stood on weakened legs and apparated on the spot to the sloping lawns of the castle. Slowly making his way through the silent, sleeping school, he headed for the headmistress' office. When he arrived, no one was there. He settled for waiting for the others to awaken and it wasn't long before company arrived.
The spiraling stairs opened to the golden-hued office, and out stepped Remus, as haggard and weary-looking as the day after a full moon.
Severus stood beside the open balcony doors, staring off at the horizon. The sun was still dipped beneath the mountain's crest, but its rays, so strong and warm and bright, were spreading across the sky like a endless pool of colorful water. He knew the mountain was mighty but even it couldn't stop the light from shining. The sun would have its way.
Remus joined him and cast a critical eye over Severus' ragged clothing and heavy bags beneath his eyes. He softly uttered, "Hope you don't mind me saying, but you look like shit."
"Could say the same to you," Severus softly replied, his arms crossed at his chest, his face drawn.
Just then a large, tawny owl flew above the open dooway, dropping the morning edition of the Daily Prophet, the paper tumbling to their feet and unfurling. There on the front cover, above the fold, was a large black and white magical photograph of Hermione and Black on a darkened street.
"Love in the Time of Catastrophe? Famous war hero Hermione Granger seen canoodling with known playboy and exonerated pure-blood Sirius Black. The pair were caught flooing into The Leaky Cauldron on Wednesday evening and several eye witnesses noted how agitated the pair seemed as they left the bar once they had been spotted in a heated embrace. While the future of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is left in a precarious state under the seemingly haphazard, and some claim 'incompetent', leadership of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, it's wonderful to see new love spring forth from the school's barren ashes."
The drivel went on and on but Severus wasn't interested in Rita Skeeter's embellished take on the night's events. Instead he watched the photograph, hypnotized by the pair. Sirius stepping closer to her, his hand caressing her reddened cheek, her body leaning into his, seemingly desperate for comfort. He watched as the photo replayed over and over again, their bodies coming together so naturally, their mouths close enough to touch and then suddenly they would spring apart and the scene would play out yet again. He stood, wordlessly drinking in the sad sight, totally incapable of looking away and sparing himself the grief.
Remus saw this and bent down, grabbing the paper up and tossed the rag over the balcony edge, the papers slowly tumbling and fluttering down through the air to scatter on the grounds below.
"Thank you," Severus murmured, as Remus stood beside him once more, offering a nod of acknowledgement.
"I'm sorry about last night," Remus offered after a long beat.
"Why are you apologizing?" Severus asked.
"I don't know...seems like someone ought to," Remus offered, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he looked out over the grounds.
"Sirius can be...thoughtless, well and truly selfish at times. I know you know that but still...I'm sorry for all this," Remus answered.
The first sliver of sun finally rose above the mountain's peak and the redolent light slowly bathed the two unlikely companions in light and filled the office with a beautiful warmth. It had won, its bounty finally on full display. It should've soothed Severus' tired, aching body but it didn't. Everything hurt, and he found both his mind and body verging on the brink of outright collapse. He sighed as tears came suddenly, brimming like oceans at the shore's edge.
"Why does this hurt so much?" Severus asked, his voice aching and tender. "Surely this shouldn't hurt like this."
Remus sighed at this, resting his weary head against the doorframe and looked at Severus with understanding. "It hurts because you love her, Severus," Remus answered with a sad, knowing smile.
"Love her? That would be a foolish thing to do, now wouldn't it?" Severus softly noted, too exhausted and beaten down to try and pretend any longer.
Remus softly chuckled, "Of course it's foolish. Loving someone is always a foolish endeavor. That does not mean we shouldn't do it."
"Or perhaps that's precisely why we shouldn't do it," Severus countered.
Remus shook his head, crossing his arms tight across his chest as he stared out beyond the shimmering black lake.
"It's hard for people like us," Remus admitted, looking at Severus, his face open and unguarded for once, "letting others in, being vulnerable...that's a liability. And that's something we simply can't afford."
"Everyone expects us to be strong all the time," he continued, looking pained and spent, "and allowing ourselves to love someone...to be loved...that seems terrifying. It's messy and unpredictable...it's just too damn risky. And if there's one thing we hate is risk. Risk can cost us everything and losing the few things we have left...that's what keeps us awake at night, scares us above all things. So we push them away, pretend like we're just fine on our own. When in reality we don't know what to do when they're gone, can barely breathe without them."
Their eyes met, black and brown, soot and mud. And all Severus could see was pain. The kind of pain that ate away at his own heart was so perfectly reflected in his companion's. He sighed at the sight.
"Tell me, Remus...how long have you been in love with Sirius?"
Remus blew out a breath but kept his gaze, looking both relieved and terrified at the question.
"Since I was fifteen," he answered simply. He looked away, his silhouette softening in the early morning light. "I do love him," he gently declared, "I love Sirius...God, that felt good to actually say aloud."
"He doesn't know?" Severus asked.
"Of course not."
"Why haven't you told him?"
Remus chuckled and shook his head, his eyes now glistening, "That's quite the rich question coming from you."
"I never said I was a role model," Severus drolly replied.
Silence hung a long moment before Remus spoke once more.
"Sirius has never been in love, I don't even know if he can...be that open with someone, let alone me. And besides, you saw them together last night." He swallowed long and hard, his features darkening as he roughly wiped his eyes.
"He...he could never love me the way I love him, so why bother?", he asked smiling so sadly.
Severus felt his throat burn at the utterance. Why bother, indeed?
The stone griffin slid open just then and in walked Sirius. The animagus looked as wretched as the night Severus had seen him in the Shrieking Shack, his usual carefree smile and swagger replaced with a somberness that permeated his every step.
Remus gave Severus a long look full of thinly-veiled anguish.
"Good morning," Remus offered softly, his eyes trained on the carpet, completely incapable of looking his oldest friend in the eye.
Torn and lost somewhere between rage, pity and outright exhaustion, Severus could only look at Black and realize he had not the energy left to spare to hate him in that moment. He cared for only thing.
"Where's Hermione?" Severus asked, his voice sharp yet pleading.
"I don't know," Sirius answered truthfully. "I slept in my room, she slept in hers and she was gone by the time I got up."
They hadn't shared a room...that was something, but this admission did little to ease Severus' burden. Where was she? How was she? He wished he knew.
"I'm glad you're both here," Sirius offered, remaining near the door and looking painfully out of place and uncomfortable.
"Remus, listen, I'm sorry. You said you were headed straight home to watch Teddy last night and that you didn't need my help. You were gone from the infirmary by the time I got there. I thought you'd headed home. I didn't mean to keep Claudia waiting or pick a fight with her. I would've come straight home if I knew you'd been held up with helping the boys in the library. And when I did get home I put a listening charm on Teddy's room...I was listening for him, I swear," he said in a rush, his face locked upon Remus' as the wolf watched him from several feet away.
"Save it, Sirius," Remus retorted, his voice thick with sorrow. "I'm not angry, not anymore. I told you I didn't need your help and I meant it. You take care of you, alright? And I'll worry about Teddy." He pushed away from the doorframe and walked towards the door, both his eyes and body avoiding Sirius'.
"Remus, please, listen," Sirius begged as he grabbed his arm. Remus stopped at this and Severus could see his shoulders stoop ever so slightly, a soft tremor ripple across his back at the touch.
Remus gave a sigh as he finally looked up, his gaze settling upon Sirius' for the longest of moments before he spoke.
"I dropped off our things at Andromeda's this morning. Teddy and I will be staying there. Give you your space, your freedom to do...whatever you want without responsibility...it's best for everyone," Remus softly uttered, tears in his eyes.
Sirius' eyes filled at this. "You're just gonna take our boy and leave?"
"My boy," Remus pointedly corrected, his eyes glistening, "he's my son, in case you've been so busy you've forgotten."
Even from across the room, Severus could see all the wind knocked out of Sirius as his whole body stilled, the werewolf's words hitting him like a stunner square to the heart.
Sirius' mouth hung open, completely incapable of retort as Remus pulled his arm from Sirius' weakened grasp and headed for the door.
"I'm going to the library to check on how Harry, Neville and Draco did with their research," Remus flatly stated as he turned his reddened eyes back to Severus. "Perhaps they've found something on the bond."
He swept from room without a single glance back, the large griffin turning and shuttering the room with a soft thud.
That left the two men all alone.
Alone with him, and nothing to distract him, Severus finally felt that old stirring of hatred blossom suddenly in his chest just looking at Black. He gave him a muted, cold glare before turning and heading towards the door that lead to Minerva's private quarters but before he could reach the door, Sirius caught up to him and said, "Severus, we need to talk."
"I have absolutely nothing to say to you," he hissed, his eyes shining with wrath.
But Sirius only shook his head and shut the hallway door that lead to her chamber. "Well, I have something to say to you and I need you to listen."
Severus halted and crossed his arms at his chest, trying desperately to control his temper.
"What happened last night...what you saw, it wasn't the whole picture and I want to explain myself," Sirius stated.
"Explain yourself?" Severus doubtfully asked. "Yes, do please explain how the two of you were half-naked in her bed," he hissed, his eyes as black as coal and his teeth barred in rage.
"Look," Sirius replied, trying to stay even keeled, "whatever happened between the two of you last night, she was upset. No," he paused, correcting himself, "actually she was practically wild with grief at whatever you said to her. And she came to me. We had a few drinks and neither one of us was in a good state."
"So you took advantage of her after she had been drinking?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowing as he stepped within a hair's breath of his old nemesis.
"No, not like that," Sirius tried, shaking his head, "we were both drunk. And look, I take responsibility, but she came on to me. She kissed me, I didn't go looking for this."
"Right...never your fault, is it? Always someone else to blame. You disgust me," Severus spat, his fingers curling into tight fists at his side.
"Believe me, Severus, I disgust myself."
"Get out of my sight," Severus spat as he tried to shove Sirius aside but the pure-blood held his ground.
"What I'm trying to say is, nothing happened between the two of us. Just a bit of fooling around and we were stopping right before you came in, I swear."
"A likely story."
"Look, mate, I know you have feelings for her. I wasn't tying to hurt you-"
"That's all you do is hurt people!" Severus roared, his body shaking with rage and pain.
"Not on purpose," Sirius softly offered. "Look, I'm trying to apologize. It's clear you care for her, I know you do."
"You don't know a fucking thing about me! So just piss off, you selfish arse!" he spat, his fists balled at his side. But he held his temper, he wouldn't give the prick the satisfaction of hitting him. The move wasn't lost on Sirius.
Glancing down at his fists, Sirius said, "Go on, do it. You know you want to. Hit me," Sirius replied evenly, not shrinking back in the least.
"Piss off, I don't want anything to do with you."
"Not friends anymore then?"
"We were never friends."
Sirius chuckled darkly. "You're jealous."
"Of course I'm not jealous, how preposterous!" Severus stammered, but Sirius knew better.
"Are too."
"I'm not."
"Are fucking too, admit it," Sirius pressed, his eyes shining with anger.
"I care for her and I just don't want her to be hurt," Severus countered.
"I'd never hurt her," he stated firmly, his mouth twisted with anger and spite.
Severus could only offer a hollow laugh at this.
"I bet that's exactly what you told every girl in our year at school, too. Told them whatever they needed to hear to get them to drop their knickers. Use them and toss them aside. You'll never change."
"You think she can do better?"
"I do."
"Someone like you, Severus?"
"Go away!" Severus shouted as he shoved Sirius hard against the wall, pinning his body with all his might but Sirius refused to budge or back down.
"You're fucking angry and jealous because you love her and you fucked it up! You pushed her away! She came to me, mate, that's not my fault."
Severus could bear no more. He released his nemesis and shoved him aside.
"Black, I won't say it again, get out before I throw you out."
"Not till you answer me, do you love her?" Sirius demanded, getting within an inch of Severus' face.
"No."
"Bullshit. You wouldn't be livid right now if you didn't!"
"Maybe it's just your sparkling company that has me in such a ripe mood."
Sirius shook his head in disgust, his eyes narrowing as he hatched a plan.
"Hmm...or maybe it's because I kissed her, tasted her...had her naked and willing in my lap until you showed up. She was begging for it too and I would've showed her a helluva of a good time. Too bad you didn't arrive a few minutes later, would've heard her screaming my name," he taunted, knowing exactly what to say to get the response he was after.
Bam!
In a flash, Sirius was laying sprawled flat across the carpet, blood squirting from his broken nose as Severus dove atop him, punching him over and over again with all his might.
"You son of a bitch! Don't you ever talk about her that way!"
He punched him repeatedly, loving the feeling of his fist crashing into his face, pummeling the man into a pulp with a lifetime's worth of rage finally springing forth. And he would've gladly kept punching him had his body not given out. Panting for air and struggling to not fall over from fatigue, Severus' punches finally halted as he pulled himself from atop Sirius and collapsed in a heap on the carpet.
Sirius lay on his back, and slowly rolled to his side, coughing and spitting up blood and wiping even more away from his battered face. He looked at Severus and shook his head with anger and frustration.
"I knew it, I fucking knew it. You do love her...you fucking idiot," he seethed. "Why did you throw her out then? She fucking loves you, you know!" Sirius demanded.
Severus felt his heaving body go slack as he looked down at his knuckles, bloodied and raw. He found he couldn't speak.
"You act so god damn tough," Sirius sighed as he roughly wiped at his bloody mouth, "like you're so fucking above it all, but lemme tell you something, mate, you are human, flesh and bone just like the rest of us. And secretly, deep down, you do want love. You want to let someone in to see all the mess and have them still love you anyway. And christ, you want to let yourself love her, don't you? If you could just get out of the way for a moment, and let your guard down you'd love her like no one else possibly could. And you know I'm right."
Severus couldn't respond, he only hung his spinning head in his hands, trying to breathe. Every molecule in his body felt decimated. A million broken pieces masquerading as a man. How could he go on like this? Surely, this was no way to live. Had death arrived at that very moment he would've gladly welcomed it with open arms. Unfortunately for him, a different visitor was soon to arrive.
The stone column groaned as the griffin slowly swung open once more to reveal Hermione standing there.
Taking in the sight of the two men weakened and sprawled across the carpet, she gasped. Seeing Sirius prone and bloodied, she rushed to him, kneeling beside him and staring at his injured face in pure shock.
"You hit him?" she growled with utter disbelief as she finally fixed her murderous gaze upon Severus. "You dare hit him?!" she screeched.
But Severus couldn't reply. He couldn't speak at all. He could only look at her; her beautiful mouth twisted with rage, her kind eyes brimming with fire. He had done this, caused all of this pain.
Anger, regret, and immense sorrow filled him up and he found he could hardly breath let alone defend his deplorable behavior.
Silence hung for the longest of moments, until Poppy came bustling through the adjourning doorway leading to Minerva's private quarters, wiping her hands on her apron and looking severe.
"What in the name of Circe is going on in here?!" she snapped, looking at the three former students with barely masked exasperation.
"Nothing, Poppy. Just a bit of a miscommunication," Sirius answered, looking away in embarrassment.
"A likely story," she retorted as she fixed her gaze upon Severus' bloodied knuckles. "Care to explain yourself, Severus?"
"Not particularly," he softly answered.
Poppy shook her head in disgust and she pursed her lips as she bent down to examine Sirius' face more closely. "As if we don't have enough problems without the two of you fighting."
"Alright then, you come with me, young man. Your nose is broken," Poppy said with irritation and weariness apparent in her voice. "And you two," she snapped, looking at Hermione and Severus, both still seated on the carpet, avoiding each other's gaze, "go in and see Minerva. She's too weak to leave her bed this morning and needs to speak with you both."
Poppy helped Sirius stand and made for the door while Hermione fixed Severus with a long, hard glare, the pair each rooted to the ground, immobile. The griffin closed with a heavy thud and Hermione stood without a word, and headed through the adjourning hallway that lead to Minerva's private quarters. Severus pulled his weary body from the floor, woozy and dazed, and somehow managed to follow.
He entered the palatial, crimson-hued room and saw the headmistress sitting upright in her large four-poster bed, seemingly drowning amid a sea of red and gold pillows. Hermione stood at the foot of the bed, silent and unyielding, her eyes glued to the floor. Though he longed to be near her, he kept a respectable distance and stood off to the side of the bed.
Although awake, Minerva looked pale and dreadfully tired, more like a ghost amid the living than the head of the school. Her bed, the very one he had slept in for a year and had always kept immaculate, was now littered with piles of papers and books and atop all the mess was the morning's Daily Prophet. He sighed inwardly. Somehow he couldn't escape that blasted image no matter how hard he tried. Severus would've laughed at his terrible luck if he weren't so heartbroken. Minerva's eyes swept from the paper to Severus to Hermione.
"Do either of you care to tell me what transpired last night?" she asked, peering over the rim of her reading glasses.
Severus merely met the question with stone silence while Hermione crossed her arms and stared out the open window.
"Very well," she softly stated, taking in their dour expressions and the several feet of space seperating them as all the information she needed.
"Thank you both for coming," she offered sincerely. "I'm glad to see you've recovered, Severus."
"No thanks to you," Hermione bit out, her gaze trained on the sprawling fields below, her mouth hard and unyielding.
"Hermione, dearest...please let me explain-"
"What happened with the Room of Requirement?" Hermione interrupted, her heated gaze finally settling upon Minerva. "Is it sealed?"
Severus' brow crinkled in confusion at the tone she used with the headmistress. Something must have been amiss between the two for Hermione to speak so sharply to her mentor. Minerva had hurt the young woman, that much was evident. It saddened him to know he wasn't the only one to have treated the young Gryffindor so horribly the previous night. No wonder she had run to Black.
"It is. I sealed it last night. Took some doing, but it's safe and secure...for now."
"You sealed the room? By yourself?" Severus asked in disbelief.
Minerva only nodded. "After you were injured, Remus brought you back to your quarters. We all met there. Poppy worked on you and I attended to the Room of Requirement. It's sealed. It should be safe for the time being, but we need to act fast."
"But how did you manage that alone?" he asked, baffled at how she could have harnessed such potent magic with her health so fragile and magical reserve so low.
"It doesn't matter," Minerva answered firmly, her eyes unabashedly lingering on her young cub who pointedly refused to look at her. "It will hold but it's a temporary fix."
Severus' gaze fell once more to the open paper atop the bed and saw the article below the fold, one that had escaped his attention until now.
"Hogwarts Cursed? New Reports of a mysterious illness strickening faculty and staff come as construction delays mount and whispers of the school permanently closing are growing louder as the Board of Directors lose confidence in elderly headmistress."
"Someone has spoken to the press," Severus noted with little surprise.
"Indeed," replied Minerva. "But we can't focus on that now. We need to fix this damn bond. And soon," she uttered gravely.
"And just how do you suggest we fix it?" Hermione glowered.
"We need tangible information on the bond and the Mirror. But our records, as you know, are lacking. So if we do not have answers, we will hunt them down. I was going to go myself but I'm simply too weak at the moment. So you two will go in my place," the headmistress commanded.
"To where?" they asked in unison, their eyes going wide with agitation at the prospect of going anywhere together.
"You're going to go see Octavia Bagshodt, Bathilda's daughter. I understand she has all of her mother's notes and journals she gathered while writing the school's history. If anything is to be found on the Mirror it will be with her. Go and speak with her today and report back by tonight. We need firm answers."
"I can go alone," Hermione sternly replied. "I'm more than capable."
"Octavia has been in hiding since the war ramped up. She's a notorious recluse who won't take kindly to a stranger visiting, let alone one demanding answers. No, you'll go together. It's safer that way."
"Worried about our safety? How kind of you," Hermione sneered, her eyes cold and calculating.
"We need this," Minerva pleaded, "will you please go? I can not trust anyone else with this task."
Hermione's jaw tightened at this. She hated being used and manipulated and that's exactly how this felt. She silently wished she had run away this morning instead of begrudgingly returning. But she hadn't run. For some reason beyond her comprehension and better judgement, her feet had brought her right back to here. She may not have wanted to return but this place, much as she hated to admit it, was where she was needed.
She sighed, graciously relenting and said, "Fine, we'll leave immediately. Where is she?"
"Her address," Minerva wheezed as she held out a small scrap piece of parchment in her weathered hand.
Hermione stepped forward to take it, her whole body rigid and uncomfortable with the task. As her hand closed around the paper, Minerva held on to the other end, causing Hermione to suddenly halt.
"Dearest, I'm sorry. You must know how sorry I am about how I mistreated you last night," Minerva softly uttered.
Severus watched from the foot of the bed as Hermione's shoulders sank ever so slightly, her head tilted down, her mouth quivering, as she battled to hold in whatever thick torrent of emotions were threatening to consume her.
"Please forgive me," Minerva quietly begged.
Hermione's eyes softened, her body momentarily relaxed and Severus thought that whatever had transpired between the two would be forgiven. But he was wrong. For just as quickly at the wave swept across the young Gryffindor, she seemed to forcefully and thoroughly cast it aside. She straightened up, roughly snatched the paper and turned from Minerva, brushing past Severus as she charged towards the doorway.
"We'll be back by nightfall," she briskly called out over her shoulder. But as she reached the door she turned and said with an ice cold countenance, "And when we do arrive back, I expect the full faculty and staff to be assembled in your office, Minerva. Because if you don't tell them the truth, and I mean every single thing about what's been happening here, then I damn well will."
Minerva, looking both somber and spent, said not a word in response.
With that, Hermione turned her gaze to Severus, with equal coolness and stated, "I haven't got all day. Let's get going."
He gave the headmistress a reluctant nod and turned to leave. As he left Minerva's quarters and shut the door, he looked up to see Hermione already descending the stone steps, the furious tap-tap of her sneakers echoing around the empty office.
He raced to keep up with her, quickly descending the stairs two at a time, but she just managed to stay out of his sight, taking each step and turn with incredible speed and purpose. As he reached the bottom step, he saw her walking briskly through the empty hallway, a good twenty feet ahead of him.
"Hermione," he called out, but she only walked faster.
"Hermione, we should speak."
But she only ignored him and pressed on, practically running, her long hair flowing freely in her tumultuous wake.
All through the castle, she raced ahead of him, clearly itching to be as far from him as possible. As they reached the front hall, she grabbed hold of the ancient iron handle and yanked hard, pulling open the warped wooden door and flooding the cold, dark hallway in brilliant, warm sunlight. She stood there a long moment, breathing hard from running as she looked out across the grounds. He came to stand beside her and quietly marveled at her silhouette, standing tall and strong despite knowing just how tired and worn out she truly was. All her earlier bravado from Minerva's quarters melted away as she stood perfectly still, bathed in the golden rays.
"Hermione," he softly uttered. She turned her head and finally looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears.
A million words seemed lodged in his throat, coating his tongue, filling his entire mind to the absolute brim. But staring into her hardened eyes he found he couldn't say any of them, none that would matter anyway, for he had broken something that couldn't be fixed. He yearned for her forgiveness, more than anything. But looking at the pain in her eyes, he knew, with complete certainty, it was not something he deserved. He bowed his head, knowing what he deserved instead.
"You should know...when we return, I'm leaving tonight. I'm leaving for good," he uttered.
At this, her face fell once more and she turned from him, unable to bear the weight of his gaze.
"Why wait?" she asked softly, her voice thick. "You should feel free to leave now. I can go visit Octavia alone."
"No, I told Minerva I would accompany you, but after tonight, either way...I'm leaving."
"Just going to break your promise to me then?" she asked, her beautiful face silhouetted against the morning light.
"I can't stay here. Not any longer. Besides, you don't need me...you have Harry and Remus...and Black," he said, his voice cracking with near despair.
She made to speak but found the resolute look in his eyes enough to make her swallow her words.
"We'll, let's get going then. Don't want to keep you any longer than absolutely necessary," she spat as she bolted down the long steps, purposefully marching to the apparition point at the southern end of the sloping front lawn.
As she breached the wards and felt the protective magic crackle and then vanish all together, she felt a wave of sorrow consume her but she tried hard not to show it.
She pulled the address from her jean pocket and quickly scanned the address before handing it to him. Without another word, she raised her wand and vanished with a smart crack, the rush of ensuing wind racing across his skin and nearly knocking him over.
He righted himself, drew a deep breath, raised his own wand and followed in her thunderous wake.