Chapter Forty-Three: Rumination

Even one-handed, Ahsoka could make quick work of training droids on the highest settings. And training droids on the highest settings weren't enough to cool her ever-increasing fury at Vader for ruining her mission like he had. He'd ruined missions before, though. Both personally and by sending an agent to interfere. Sometimes inadvertently. But this time was different. This time he'd not only stopped her from getting information about a planet-killing battle station—the Death Star Rex told her he read in the files—he'd also known about said planet-killing battle station and hadn't thought to mention it to her. Which begged the question, why? The only thing that made sense was that he had every intention of using it one day, and she'd known he wouldn't approve. And if Vader was willing to use a planet-killing battle station, what did that really say about him? Would she be willing to hand over the galaxy to him if that was his plan to enforce his rule?

When all this first started, she hadn't been too concerned about how Vader planned to rule his Empire. Not only did he at least seem to be the lesser evil compared to Palpatine, but it was far enough off that she didn't have to think about it. Now, it wasn't so far off. Now, she had to think about what an Empire with Vader at the helm was going to be like.

Ahsoka sighed, deciding to test her stiff shoulder with a simple kata. She dropped her saber halfway through when the sequences and mentally cursed Vader for throwing her into a wall.

"Kriffing Darth Vader," Ahsoka muttered to herself.

"I definitely understand that sentiment."

Ahsoka didn't turn around as she said, "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to come in here."

"I should have known you knew I was there," Cal said dryly. Then he added, "You're really good. With your sabers, I mean. I haven't met another Jedi dual wielder in a while. Well, you know…"

"That's right," Ahsoka said, remembering how the knight had separated his blade into two. "You're a dual wielder too."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that. My saber skills are okay, but I've never had the time or anyone to really train me how to balance out the use of both blades at the same time. And experimenting with that in a fight probably isn't a good idea," Cal admitted.

That reminded Ahsoka that Vader lost his arm in a duel using two lightsabers, something he admitted to her when she'd decided to pick up a second blade.

"That is definitely true," Ahsoka said with a smile as she looked at him. "But that's not what you wanted to talk to me about. Is it?"

"I did plan on asking you about it at some point," Cal replied.

"But that's not what you intended this time."

Ahsoka dealt with enough politicians to know when they were trying to get her to let her guard down.

"No," Cal admitted. "I… I came to tell you that when you asked me what I saw when I held your lightsaber, I didn't tell you everything I saw."

"I knew that."

"Yeah. I figured you did. That's why you paired us together on Geonosis. To keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't give away any of your secrets."

Ahsoka smiled. "Part of it. I also like you, Cal Kestis. You remind me of a friend."

Cal's response was silence for a long few moments. Then he said, "Vader. Right?"

"What?"

"The friend. It's Vader. Isn't it? Before he was… well. Vader," Cal said with an apologetic shrug.

"Did you see that when I gave you my lightsaber?"

"Yes and no," Cal replied. "I did see it, but I didn't put it together until you told me to leave you with Vader. At first, I thought you were just brave. But then I realized that you weren't being brave. You weren't afraid of him at all. Like you knew the real him. If I hadn't had those visions earlier, I wouldn't have even noticed."

Ahsoka didn't reply, sensing that Cal had more he wanted to say.

He continued, "That man in the visions. He's the friend. And he became Vader. He's your younglings' father—You don't have to admit to it if you don't want to. And don't worry. I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Not even your Jedi companions?"

"No. But I do want to let you know that I understand. I don't know anything about romantic relationships."

Ahsoka resisted the urge to snort because neither did she, really. But she wasn't telling Cal that.

He continued. "But I just wanted to let you know that I understand if you still care about him. If you still want to save him despite the things he's done. Cere… I don't think she'd mind me telling you this. Cere's former padawan became an inquisitor. Chased us around the galaxy for months trying to kill me and find a Jedi holocron with all the names of the Force-sensitive children in the galaxy that the Jedi knew about. In the end, though, we managed to bring her back. Darth Vader… He…"

"I know very well what Vader is capable of. You don't have to try to spare my feelings. He killed her. Didn't he?" Ahsoka asked, even though she already knew the answer. Vader told her this part of the story.

"Yes. But that's not the point," Cal said, shaking his head. "The point is that if what you're trying to do is save him, if that's part of what you're trying to do with the rebellion, then I think you should. It's what a true Jedi would do if they could. If anyone could do it, it's someone that cares about him, right? Someone he probably still cares about too underneath all that hate."

"Despite everything he's done? Everything he plans to do?" Ahsoka added. She wasn't going to be able to forget the existence of the Death Star for a while. And Force knew she didn't know if she could forgive Vader for it if he really intended to use it one day.

"I think it's worth a shot. And I think…" Cal trailed off. After a few moments, he continued, "I think if you give Obi-wan a chance and some time, he'll feel the same way."

Ahsoka narrowed her eyes at Cal, but he didn't let that intimidate him and held his gaze with her. She'd assumed Cal hadn't recognized Anakin Skywalker in his vision of her past. It wouldn't have been shocking if he hadn't. Cal was probably around twenty standard years or so. Maybe a few months younger. That meant he was probably in his early teens when the Jedi fell. Even if he'd had access to holonet wherever he'd been hiding, the Empire wiped out or heavily censored all records of Vader's former life. But Ahsoka hadn't yet been able to glean how close Cal might be to Obi-wan during their trip; how much Obi-wan might have told Cal about Anakin and Ahsoka; what version of the fall of the Republic Obi-wan told to his new companions. Whatever it was, it must have been enough for Cal to piece together Vader's identity with what he'd seen from holding Ahsoka's lightsaber. He had to have. Otherwise, why would he suggest bringing Obi-wan into the loop?

Still, that was a secret she wasn't going to volunteer to Cal. If he was going to play coy, so would she.

Instead, Ahsoka continued to consider Cal very carefully, and he stared back at her, unbothered by her gaze. The fact that he took all the revelations and suspicions he had about her was a testament to how strange a Jedi Knight he was. But maybe that was just because he was a product of war, just like all their generation would have been. War and hiding had a way of putting everything in perspective. Perhaps Cal's untraditional path had given him a perspective that most Jedi wouldn't have shared before the purge. Because the suggestion that they could bring someone back from the dark side was undoubtedly a different outlook from what they'd been taught in the Temple. If Cal could see it this way, maybe when this was all over, she could get other Jedi to see it.

"Thank you, Cal," Ahsoka finally said with a small smile.

He returned it with an easygoing smile of his own.

Force knew she was still going to give Vader a piece of her mind the next time she saw him—in a few days once she grabbed Luke and Leia from Alderaan—but she felt better. Ahsoka would just have to talk some sense into Vader and convince him the Death Star was a bad idea. Either that or be there every step of the way to ruin his plans for it until she forced him into some kind of compromise.

Cal was also right about Obi-wan. It was high time that she got him on board with that plan.

After days of avoiding him, she found him talking to Bail inside the High Commend conference room. There would be no meeting with all the members at the same place for a while, though. So for now, they used it for a secluded place to talk.

"Ahsoka," Bail said. "I haven't seen you since you came back. I heard the mission wasn't successful. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Bail. We know what we're up against now. The only thing we're lacking is proof. And we didn't lose anyone. I count that as a success every time," Ahsoka replied. Then she said, "Mind giving me the room to talk to Obi-wan?"

"I know an order when it's given, even if it's disguised as a request," Bail teased. Then he nodded to Obi-wan, laid a reassuring hand on Ahsoka's shoulder, and finally left the room.

"I was starting to think I wouldn't get a chance to see you before you left for Alderaan," Obi-wan said when the door slid closed.

"Who told you I was heading there?" Ahsoka asked, a little bashful that Obi-wan had called her out for avoiding him.

"Bail told me it was for rebellion business, not to mention he says the queen has taken quite a shine to you."

"Yeah," Ahsoka agreed. Not wanting the small talk to give her a chance to back out of this conversation, she got straight to the point and said, "I need to talk to you. About Vader. There are some things I haven't told you."

A lot of things. But one step at a time. Truly, though she'd initially been irritated, she understood why Obi-wan had hidden the fact that Satine was alive. He had been protecting her—like she was about to protect Vader.

"Will it explain why you felt comfortable standing in front of him and giving him an ultimatum to kill you if he wanted to get to me, and he backed down?" Obi-wan asked.

"He wants me to be his apprentice," Ahsoka explained. Not the complete truth. Not yet. Baby steps. First, see how Obi-wan took this. "He's decided I'm the only apprentice he'll have. And he wants me to help him defeat Palpatine. I turned him down, of course." Obi-wan didn't need to know that she'd only turned him down on one request. "But he's been persistent over the years. I think the only reason the Empire doesn't know I'm really alive is that he's keeping it from the Emperor."

"Geonosis wasn't the first time you've seen him since Mustafar. Was it?"

"Might have run into a few times since then… I told you. He's been persistent."

"Well. That explains his reluctance to kill you. I suppose," Obi-wan said, giving her look that told he was incredibly skeptical. Ahsoka didn't let that deter her.

"That's not all, though. I'm not going to kill him. And I'm not going to let you or any other Jedi kill him either. I'm going to save him," Ahsoka declared.

Obi-wan gave a disappointed sigh and said, "Ahsoka. You know that's not how this works. I wish it did, but you know. You've seen it firsthand. Once you start down the path Vader did—"

"Forever will it dominate your destiny. Yeah, yeah. I know. Yoda taught that to my youngling class too," Ahsoka said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But I don't believe that's true. We can bring him back."

"Ahsoka."

"It wasn't all his fault."

"He killed Padmé and their child," Obi-wan argued. "She couldn't even bring him back."

Ahsoka wasn't going to argue the point that Padmé might have actually succeeded if Obi-wan hadn't intervened, but who really knew? It might not have mattered at all. It was in the past.

"That wasn't the Anakin we know. That was him under the influence of the dark side. But there's good in him. I know it. If there wasn't, he'd have killed me a long time ago for defying him instead of letting me go," Ahsoka argued. "I don't think he just wants me as his apprentice. He—"

"The Sith are deceitful. He's preying on your vulnerability to turn you to his side."

"I know it looks that way," Ahsoka admitted. Breha argued that point with her enough times. "But—"

"Ahsoka," Obi-wan said, cutting her off in what was apparent irritation.

Ahsoka paused to give Obi-wan a moment. This was overwhelming, she knew.

Obi-wan took a deep breath, releasing his irritation into the Force before saying, "You don't think I wish what you were saying was true? I tried to get through to him. I… I failed him. I won't fail you by encouraging a foolhardy attempt to do something no Sith has done in history."

"If anyone can do it, it's Anakin," Ahsoka argued. Then she paused, refusing to let her frustration get the best of her. Because not too long ago, she'd been as faithless and heartbroken as Obi-wan. Too blinded by her own hurt and anger to see the truth. It had taken her years to get to this point. Even with Ahsoka's encouragement, Obi-wan would take a while.

Finally, she sighed and said, "I wasn't asking your permission. I just felt I should tell you."

"And when you manage to overthrow Palpatine with your rebellion, and Vader's left behind and if the lack of Palpatine's influence doesn't bring out the good you think is there, then what?" Obi-wan asked.

"I don't know," Ahsoka answered truthfully. That was the million-credit question. But she still had time to figure that out. That was in at least another five years if things went according to her and Vader's timeline. "It's not a problem yet."

Obi-wan let out a longsuffering sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Finally, he looked directly at her and said, "Ahsoka, you've always been too kind. It's a wonder considering everything, you still are. I don't want to see you hurt. Worse, I don't want you to become just like him."

Ahsoka smiled a little. "I won't. I promise."

"We shall see, I suppose." Obi-wan paused. "Any other grand secrets you have to tell me?"

There were. Two secrets. The first was the twins, but that wasn't something she was going to divulge yet. Not until she was a bit further in convincing Obi-wan that Vader could be reasoned with. Enough obstacles were keeping Vader from his children as it was. She wasn't going to potentially add another. She'd talk to Vader about it at some point.

The second… well, Ahsoka figured she'd let Obi-wan get used to the idea that she planned on saving Vader or, at the very least, helping him manage his darker tendencies. Then she would explain to him that they were allies who spoke to each other on a pretty frequent basis. And might also be a little more than friends. Yeah. Ahsoka would definitely wait on that one.

"Nope," Ahsoka said with a pop that made Obi-wan smile fondly at her. Then she asked, "So when are you all headed out?"

"Not soon. Don't let appearances deceive you, but Cal is the leader of our humble band, whether he knows it or not. And he seems to have taken quite the shine to you. Said you're going to work with him to improve his dual-wielding. Of course, once Cal decided he was going to stay, Merrin—they're quite close—decided she was staying, and then so did everyone else. So we'll be in the employ of your rebellion for a while. At least temporarily. If you'll have us. If you'll have me… if it's not too late."

Obi-wan's shields were strong, but Ahsoka still felt what he really meant. To let him make up his failure to her. To let him keep an eye on her. Possibly even keep her from getting into trouble on what he thought was a no doubt in vain mission to help someone who he thought couldn't be turned back. Ahsoka hadn't needed or wanted that from him for a while. But though she hadn't told Obi-wan everything yet, she didn't hold a grudge against the man anymore.

So it was with complete sincerity that Ahsoka gave him a small smile and said, "No. It's not."

AN: 1) I know a lot of you were expecting Ahsoka to come totally clean to Obi-wan about everything, but no yet. You really didn't think it was going to be that easy. Did you? I mean, that would have made this one hell of a short part if it were. And this part still has like six more chapters (I think. I'm too lazy to check). On that note, I'm also taking a very different approach with how we learn what transpired when Vader and Ahsoka inevitably talk about this with an interlude in the middle of the part for reasons I will explain at the end of the next chapter.

2) Can you tell I really love Cal? He's awesome. I don't usually bring video game characters into my stories, but they did such a good job with him and the people in the game. Also, the thing with Cere and her padawan is canon. I did not make that up.

3) Also, I was flattered by all your reviews last chapter. There were some great insights to the last note. Keep that discussion going on more conducive forums than a fanworks archive (lol). Be open-minded. Remember that your experience is likely different from many others. Just because something works for you doesn't mean it's working or can work for others. Stay safe out there.

Anywho, hope you enjoyed! Review, please.