Chapter 43:
I'm Seeing the Pain, Seeing the Pleasure
-x-
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
It was supposed to be something sweet or at least like friendly since this is the first time that they have seen each other again. Unfortunately, this is not what he had in mind. Not that he does is not interested even a little on her but he prefers for it in a more decent way.
Most especially, she is the only one who never sees him as a tool of sexual purposes.
He can't help but stare at her in surprise and complete awe, until he realized what he is doing and closed their distance, grabs his nearby towel and thrown in around her and forcefully places her clothes back into her thin frame without breaking their eye contact.
"Why the hell are you doing this Hanji?" Levi asks as he struggled clothing her body while Hanji was doing the opposite and kept on removing and pulling the pieces of fabric off from her.
"Because like anyone else, I think I deserved to have sex." Hanji explains but she knows that it's going to be hard for Levi to accept her offer.
She knows that she could still make him understand and accept her request, most especially she is already paid.
"Stop this-fuck!" it sure was a struggle and their height differences were making things even more difficult.
"Argh!" Hanji screamed in Levi's recoiling actions. She doesn't understand him, isn't he supposed to be used with seeing woman, ladies, and girls of all kind to be naked? Isn't he supposed to have mastered the female body and know each part extremely well even if eyes closed?
Most especially, isn't he supposed to do what is being asked of him?
Maybe she does not look so appealing for him as well too, just like with Erwin.
That thought alone had made Hanji stopped on her actions against Levi's and stared off in a distant part of his room. She then felt a pair of hands softly pushing her down on the bed and sat. Levi then joined beside her and stared at her, as he waited for her to talk.
Luckily enough, it did not take any much force to have her talks as she initiated it with a whisper.
"I just want you to fuck me." She said, eyes still deep into the floor of his room. "I paid for the entire night." She said bluntly while Levi felt a hard lump on his throat to swallow.
"I want you to have sex with me, Levi" she turns and looked at him deep into his grey steel orbs. Damn how he missed her beautiful chestnut brown eyes which right now is watery of pain. He wonders why but with her words and look, he can't help but feel something inappropriate is happening inside him, most especially in his underwear.
"I want you to do your job on me Levi" she said with more firm voice. Levi noticed how it lacked sensation or even desire. She looked and sounded like she is forced because knowing her for a few months already made him know how and when she is true to her words and when she means it.
"What?" was the only thing he could say.
"That's your job right?"
"I know but-"
"Gee Levi, you never told me that you interrogate your client first before having sex with them" she said with a followed huff of breath. "Don't tell me you lost your balls now."
"Look Hanji" he said with a heavy sigh and had her turn towards his direction, trying his best not to look at her since there are some parts which were exposed, the towel not fully covering her body fully. "We just had a horrible time against each other and far from one another, and I don't think fucking is going to help patch things up between us."
He felt relief as he talked to her just like the usual, no boundaries of some sort and he is happy about it. Still, he feels confused and just wanted more answers.
"This is not to patch things up between us, Levi." Hanji explained firmly with a tight jaw and extra emphasis on his name. Levi did felt the truth on her words but ironically saw a bit different on her eyes.
Hanji saw what she did not expect for her to see on Levi's face, and it was sadness. Why would he feel that? What she understand is that the reason why he is seeking for attention and wanting to get to talk to her is because he might just want to apologize, not for anything else, most especially since he had mentioned about 'patching things up.'
"Will you just please fuck me?" Hanji tells him again.
She herself is all over the place and too numb to feel or even think. She wanted pain, she wanted to be happy, she wanted not to care. She can't even eat properly and loss her appetite even in her usual hobby.
At the same time, she still has the thought of wanting to explore like she always before like her true self, inquisitive. She had been disappointing her parents lately and failing not just them but also herself and those around her.
Is she that useless right now?
Hanji can't believe of all the fuck that was happening and that had happened.
She was even blaming herself for the deaths of Petra and Aurou since they were the collateral damage for those bitches who wanted to fuck her life. Maybe if she really was smart enough, she could have done something better or even stood up like she the balls that she always claimed.
The remaining self-esteem that she has even went downhill when Erwin indirectly told her that he is not interested to her. She would even graduate as salutatorian rather as a valedictorian, which she finds upsetting after years of being the first.
She felt so confused and disappointed, her mind flooded with clouded thoughts when all of a sudden she overheard two girls (who she guessed to be younger than her, maybe from a later batch) when she was in the library trying to clear her thoughts by forcing herself to read a book she can't find interest with.
She can't think of any other options to keep her sanity. She can't focus on her books and ended up throwing some away inside her room in a mess and some directly to the thrash. She had lost her appetite as well, never got back her mood to be with Nanaba since she is always with Mike and it doesn't help her feel go seeing how happy they are as a couple, despite their comforting words. It wasn't easy for a broken heart to see others merrily happy with their lovers, she presumed.
The two girls were having a very interesting topic and Hanji find herself eavesdropping in almost their entire conversation.
It was their sexcapade.
Their sex life.
"My man exactly knows where to hit me inside and last night was the best!" the other girl who has curly brown hair boasted.
"Right from foreplay, I was already cumming hard!"
"You're fast!"
"I know!" the curly brown haired girl laughed while her friend with also a brown hair joined.
"But do you still cum again after the main course?"
"Of course I do! I can cum about twice or thrice during sex." Their conversation alone was making her feel…. Odd.
"Damn that was so wild of you!" The friend said and Hanji deepened her face on the book she is reading but no matter how many times she read a single line, she still cannot comprehend it. Her attention is basically on the two girls alone.
"I can't even remember the last time I had sex, and I miss that feeling of being in cloud nine" her friend sadly said but the curly girl pats the other for comfort.
"Don't worry, I know the next time that you'll have sex is going to be an awesome one."
"Thanks" her friend muttered and gave her an appreciative embrace. "I want it to be eye rolling and hours of sweat."
The two girls continued to talk about their sexual experience and Hanji listened from where she is at. She mentally note down what she was hearing but something really caught her attention. Being in cloud nine, fun, amazing experience.
Are those the reasons why a lot of girls liked having sex with Levi?
Since she is already in the library, she found a few books about sexual intercourse and read a lot. She found some benefits of sex and it includes more endorphins, which she needs.
An idea came into her head.
And now she is sitting beside the very person she thought she could use to make help her feel something she needed. Instead, she was suddenly confused again and was staring into nothingness.
Levi stared at her for a minute and then swayed his head. She is unsure yet, there is no way he could be doing this with her.
But she stared back at him, and with those eyes, he knows what she in her mind.
"I can't" he finally said and looked down on his hands. He can't imagine himself taking her virginity this way. Not her being in an indecisive and clouded situation.
"Why?" she stood, desperate tears flowing hot on her cheeks uncontrollably.
"Hanji-"
"No! I understand! You don't find me attractive to be fucked right? I'm not tolerable to be a client of yours Levi?" More tears were going down her cheeks and Levi is feeling bad already.
"So as you told me a hundred times right?" she said in a low voice, the edge of her lips quivering. "I'm not as beautiful as them right? Or even as hot as them?"
Levi stood up and held her arms. "That is not what I meant Hanji" he said and hoping deep within himself that she would listen to his words.
"I am hesitating because if you are to lose your virginity, it would be to someone who you at least really like and won't regret, at the right moment when you really are ready and would be happy to experience something like this." Hanji looked down on her feet. Somehow, his words made her think again but she shoved her head and thought of the reality. She needed a way out and have herself relieved.
"I don't care." She mumbled.
"Excuse me?" Levi asked abruptly and searched her eyes, wanting to look at her sincerity.
"It's just sex" she said and bit her lip. "I wanted to lose my virginity this way, just as how other women would decide to lose theirs within their own perspectives."
"Please, Han-"
"Look!" she screamed out at him. "Fine! If you don't want to, then don't. I'll go and tell your fucking manager to get me another stud to fuck me for tonight!"
"Don't." He immediately responded as hearing those words made Levi tremble. He knows exactly how she is going to be treated most especially she has money to pay for an entire night and that she is a virgin. They might treat her unwantedly or in a very inappropriate manner.
"Excuse me?" Hanji asked, not liking his response. "You don't want to have sex with me and yet yo-"
"Not that I am being negative over the others who are also working here but I don't think that you'd like how they're going to treat you."
"And why is that?" she asked firmly and wiped her tears away.
"Because you're still a virgin and could afford to pay, and that gives them a different idea about you." He finishes and waits for a reply but she only became quiet and sat.
"They might do something unthinkable to you" he said, almost a whimper.
Levi took a sit back again beside her awkwardly and looked into her, seeing her gripping on her knees dead white.
"I'd still want to lose my virginity tonight." She stood firm on her words, not looking at him. Slightly, she felt ashamed of herself for sounding to desperate but reminded herself that she shouldn't be because she's the client here.
Levi sighed quite long and closed his eyes, she sure is something, he thought. She sounds very determined and he wonders why all of a sudden.
"Can you tell me why the sudden decision?"
"What made you even say that it's too sudden?" she crossed her arms.
"Because you never cared or even gave a single shit about sex" Hanji's face fell down and with that, he knows he hit the spot. She no longer know what to say or what to react because he is right.
What the hell does she even really want?
But she did made up her mind that she wanted to do this because she wanted to feel high with happiness even for a few hours through a different way. She had always been inquisitive, this will finally give her answers on her curiosity about sex in relation to happiness.
And it might be enough to make her forget things, even for just a while.
Levi sighed, can't believe what was happening to him. He looked back to Hanji again and saw her fallen face and that does it. He surely has a fucking soft spot for her, and that is not wanting to make her sad or to upset her. The feeling seeing her so disappointed and bothered sucks him into a weird hellhole.
"Argh" Levi then stood up, turns and looked at her whose eyes gained a bit of light. "Give me a few minutes, ten max, to at least clean myself before I do you."
Without waiting for a reply, he turned towards his bathroom and left Hanji sitting patiently on his bed.
-x-
His mighty dick went up like a sword ready for ambush.
Just after he rubs his body off from dirt and his hand crawled between his legs and worried came over him. He already had enough nasty review from his clients from the past weeks, enough to land him back into dancing and with lesser money for living.
He decided to focus on the present instead, shoving all the shitty thoughts away and flood himself with anything sexy. Nothing seems to work until his mind suddenly wondered towards what he is about to have and share with Hanji.
Then he thought, how it would feel if her longs les are wrapped around him, how she would sound like when she moans, how she would react if he enters her and most especially, her afterglow and her climax.
When those thoughts unintentionally helped him with his current problem, he thought that it would be better to do it right away since he does not know if his penis is merciful enough to be hard throughout their time together.
Levi then dried himself, placed the towel in his lower body and went towards the lady waiting for him.
Instead, Levi was surprised to see Hanji laying on his bed on her side, looking asleep.
But she actually isn't.
She was just closing her eyes, breathing in heavily and out through her nose, her hand under her pillow. The only thought that came to him is that he liked what he sees and it is taking effect on him.
Hanji was still covered by the robe and towel he threw into her, revealing most of her endless legs. And they were flawless, he thought, and wanted to feel if he would finally touch them. Her hair was still in a messy bun that is almost to fully get loose and has been partially covering her face.
Damn, was he so tempted to place his hand on her hair and have it fixed.
One thing that he liked about on what he is seeing is that unlike other girls who are going to try their best to look hot and appetizing in bed, Hanji did not. She just lay there as though she was sleeping and everything about her made things even hotter. She was just effortlessly splendid, and it got him hard.
He let out a nervous cough before saying her name.
"Hanji" he said out and approached her on the bed, now half naked. He sat by the end of the bed and lightly rubs her shoulder.
"Hmmm" she hummed and turned to look at him. They locked stares for a while, no words, no boundaries. It felt awkward at first but then became comfortable just like before.
"Are you ready now?" She asked, still sounding a bit impatient.
"Do you feel sleepy?" he asked coolly.
"No" she said in a more calm voice compared earlier.
"Are you ready?" he asks, but was also sure that he was also asking himself. He did not dare ask her if she would just prefer to sleep instead, just like the old days for she will surely start another argument, and Levi did not want that.
Hanji nodded and sat before him. When she did not move and just stared at him straight to the eyes, Levi removes her towel and slowly, the robe. He first started to unravel her by the shoulder, showing her thin but lean shoulder and arms and slowly opens it further to her chest.
He openly exposed her breasts and looks up at her for further confirmation if she wanted to continue, if what he is doing is okay.
If she is feeling scared or unprepared, she is hiding it pretty well.
The look on her eyes is complete marvel while her breathing is lightly becoming deep and heavy, but no sign of her backing out or wanting to stop. When the robe opens some more and showed more of her lower part, he liked what he saw. She was clean, no hair at all and she smelled good too.
Fuck he is going to enjoy this, he thought.
Just the thought alone that her being prepared is a turn on.
"Enjoying the view?" she said with a smirk, proud that Levi found her preparation for the night satisfying his clean-freak side of him. He replied with an equal smirk from him and a light places his hands on both of her shoulders. She wanted everything to be perfect.
There was a mild shaking along his hands because even if he would want to get laid with Hanji, he had always consider her as a friend.
And friends don't fuck or make out and he will surely need courage to do this with her.
With reluctant but careful steps, he leans into her, their face closing the gap between them and Hanji had internal debate of what she is supposed to or how she is going to react on what Levi is doing.
A part of her tells her to tell him to stop and forget but a part of her pushes herself to have the balls to stand on her words and finish what she initiated, even if she knows that it is not yet too late.
Since Levi has already seen her body, then why the hell stop. Besides, giving him her virginity might be something she would not regret doing so, even if she is not yet sure.
So with the same amount of bravery with a stench of reluctance, she leans closer to Levi, looks at his lips then to his eyes, before indulging into his thin lips with hers.
Hanji has never been kissed on the lips before nor even made out but she guesses that Levi knows and he should be aware how to handle this kind of problems. She then let Levi do what he is capable of and let him lead, as she would try to follow and imitate.
No matter she tries her best though; she still can't help but feel her heart drumming in her chest and feel her cheeks heat up. Her bloodstream seemed to be making her body heat up too. She was trying her best to focus on the movement of his lips but she is too conscious of how she looks like as they kiss that she feels like is failing to do the former properly and decided to do what and how Levi is doing with her.
Instead of imitating, she felt her natural ability to react on Levi's kiss.
The kiss was not messy and wet, but it was rather careful and light, as though she is being asked if is this okay? Or Am I doing alright? And she didn't want him to worry so she slightly opens her mouth a bit more and move her lips to conquer his.
His lips were thin and moisturized, so soft and sweet into hers. She actually kind of liked his lips and the way he kisses her so she wanted to do more. She backed away a bit and let her hair flow on her shoulders and Levi's brow raised in surprise. He did like how she tries to be sexy but she doesn't realize that she does not need to try hard because she already is hot.
She indulged again, more hungry for his kiss this time and did successfully massage his lips with hers but still unsure if it is correct or not. Heck, even her head tilting is a question to her, unsure if she is doing it right for better access and because their nose kept on bumping and bumping and she is not sure if that is okay and if that is normal on a kiss.
Either way, she is not complaining because she is starting to melt into Levi's heavenly kiss. She guesses that it doesn't matter if she is not doing this entirely perfect because Levi stood but his knee was settled in between her and he presses a bit more force into their kiss. His hand cups her face and his thumbs caressed her cheeks softly.
Hanji didn't know when to breathe but the moment he stood and adjusted himself, face still glued on hers, she managed to breathe again and braced herself for another one.
And damn his carefulness is killing her. It was too sweet and despite wanting to tell him to go rough on him, she just can't because a feather light kiss is something she cannot say no to as of the moment.
As Levi continued to devour her lips, her mouth and her entire soul, he lets the rest of the towel go off and fall unto the floor, baring himself unto Hanji.
When the air between them has stricken after a long moment of heated exchange of affection through their mouths, he lightly backs away but kept on bumping his nose to hers. He looks unto her and thought she is pretty when her eyes are closed and with a tinted cheeks. Her lips were moist because of their kiss and he wanted to have those lips into his once more.
After mustering enough strength to do so, Hanji opens her eyes and was surprised to see the towel covering Levi from below had suddenly gotten even lower into the ground, exposing his manhood towards her.
"Woah" she lightly muttered, amazed of seeing a male's penis for the first time. Amazement was completely written on her face and Levi does not have the right to lower it anytime tonight.
"Wanna touch?" he teased and she looked up at him with pure awe. She nodded furiously and he lightly brings himself more towards her. She then brought her hands to his penis and carefully rubbed the shaft and the body with both hands.
It gotten even harder and she was amazed as to how it became even harder in her hands. Does it mean she is turning it on? What makes it hard? She even had more questions when she reached for the balls and Levi lightly gave a low laugh to her.
The way she cupped his balls were ticklish but he does feel astounded seeing how she reacts. It was like how she usually does when excitement wraps her upon seeing something interesting. Well then, that means she finds his balls and dick interesting then and he ain't complaining.
He let her caress him up and down, poke the head of his dick, play with his balls like a stress ball until she finally thinks it was enough.
"What do you think?" he asked although he knows how his mighty dick had made a lot of women happy but there is a different feeling of satisfaction coming from her.
"I think it's amazing Levi!" she squealed and for the first time, she gave him that smile that he always admired. Hanji felt so happy and astonished realizing how a real penis looked even more perfect than what she had seen in pictures and read in books.
And fuck, she just said his name, just like the old days, and she said it happily.
Contented seeing her happy because of him, he lowers himself unto her and captured her lips again. She did not refuse and lightly places her down to the bed. They didn't separate from the connection of their lips and Hanji could feel she is starting to do good as she is starting to learn how to kiss properly and when to tilt her head for better access for them both.
Until Levi decided to move and place kisses on her neck, earning a moan and suddenly held unto his hair.
"Ahhh" she whimpered but immediately felt ashamed of herself and bit her lower lip to prevent any further noise.
Levi could only smirk as he continues to kiss her on the neck and down to her breast.
"Haaa!" Hanji bridged her back and held tighter unto him. Damn it felt good and definitely turned her on, hard. Her moans are of want and satisfaction, even the way she held him says the same thing. He continued to lick her left nipple while his hand caressed her right breast, his fingers lightly playing and pinching her right nipple.
Damn Levi, Hanji thought. Having her breasts sucked felt so amazing and she didn't want him to stop. Whether it was his mouth or his fingers doing the magic on her breasts, she did not care. It was definitely doing the magic full of lust on her. Even her former thoughts of insecurities of her breast suddenly faded from the heavenly feeling that she is having when they are being sucked.
"Hmmmph!" she continued to moan continues to torture her with more lust and satisfaction and can't even wait for some more.
He hovered over her, looking at her straight in the eyes first settled himself in between of her legs and reluctantly places his hands beside her thin framed body. Hanji let out a nervous sigh and closed her eyes gently as Levi started to bring his lips on her cheek, eyes still open and looking at her.
Fortunately, she did not respond negatively and did not shove him away. At least, it meant that he could still continue. He has the liberty to do anything to her now, but he won't abuse that liberty and still listen to her part rather than his needs.
Suddenly though, a wave of shyness crawled into her as she feels his body on top of her entirely already, feeling his nipples rubbing into hers and even just the slightest touch that he made into her.
The hardening of her nipples had made him as hard and urged to work on those hardened little pebbles of hers right away. Her flattened abdomen was an easy access and had him kiss that area as well and had his hand explore it openly. He also took advantage of feeling her long arms on his palms and captures her hips in a tight embrace while showering kisses on her jaw and neckline.
Levi moved swiftly and carefully on top of hers as he did not notice how they ended up lying on the bed, hips finally adjacent with hers and his manhood between her thighs. Due to their height difference, he could only at most level his head with her chest and shoulder if he wanted to keep his dick where it is supposed to be.
On the positive side though, he has easy access of her breasts. He crawled a bit higher though, enough to give her a kiss on the lips in which she returned with ease before settling himself back to her entrance.
She lightly looked away from him when she realized what he is trying to do to her. He was preparing her, she thought as he let his fingers wander on her clitoris and tease it. Suddenly, a little length of his fingers were placed in her entrance and she suddenly gripped unto her pillow tightly.
"Did it hurt?" he asked also surprised of how she reacted.
"No, I was just surprised at the feeling."
"Bad?"
"Not really" although her face tells it otherwise. Maybe there was a bit of pain or she just feels so uneasy with it. He knows every girl is different but he still can't assume about everything with her.
He inhaled deeply to compose himself and focus because he is starting to feel like ramming into her right away but she then placed her hands on his strong chest and looked straight into his eyes and smiled. He was immediately dawn into that smile of hers again and kisses her before caressing her legs and went down again to prepare himself to her entrance.
"Tell me how it feels, if it hurts or if you want me to stop." He warned, knowing it will pain her.
"Yeah" Hanji answered back, preparing herself and feeling both excited and a bit scared already and Levi warning her just added to her anxiousness.
For the night, he had decided that he won't push her to her limits and just wait for her to initiate on everything that they are going to have. But she doesn't usually do so it is up to him to initiate.
A mixture of excitement and of fear has been wrapping unto her and she can't remove it away despite how many times she thought of the things she had read about sex and remember Levi's escapades as he would tell her before.
And here she is now and they are both naked. Skin to skin glued into each other after contradicting it, very far away from one another the past few months. Both of them were unsure and awkward, not knowing which must and should be done.
And Levi is new to that.
He is supposed to be an expert on this already, then why the hell is he stumbling and nervous on having sex with her? She is still a girl, a female with the same body geography but new to his sight. He is no doubt, unfamiliar with the body but nevertheless he is more than willing to be familiar with it.
Most especially if he could get the chance to master the wonders and every corner of her body.
Damn, he thought. That was enough to make him hard.
"Ready?"
"Yeah" she said without batting an eye to him.
He guessed that maybe he should be asking himself as he still feel overwhelmed by all of this.
It is indeed the truth that he had already taken up a few virgins before but for Hanji, it is going to be different. As a matter of the fact, as he started kissing her chest down to her breast wherein he was happy to earn a moan and continued with the other and received a grip on his hair, he could still feel that she is different from the others, that a voice kept on whispering into him that she is still Hanji.
That she is not a client but someone else to him.
Someone who showed him a sincere amount of concern and gave him a different kind of friendship amongst others. He could feel the difference on his lips that kisses her to the parts where she would unexpectedly grip the bed sheets and on his fingertips that caresses the wonders of her body gives him both chill and electrifying feeling within him too.
He rarely gets into the mood together with any client as he also tries to block the possibility of sharing more to them. But to Hanji, his body and mind is getting pressured to be able to be with her in synchrony, both body and mind. He is getting anxious in the inside as he wanted to make her feel not only pleasure but at least the same amount of comfort and serenity.
At least, he hoped, that through sexual intercourse, he could make her feel something better.
With her look, he knows she hadn't feel good yet but is aware that she is wet enough to take him in. he decided to take a condom but was halted when she halted him from doing so.
"I don't want any condoms." She informs him in between heavy breathing and a bit husky voice. "You have always placed a condom on to all your other clients right?"
"I believe I have told you that before." He tells her in bewilderment, his penis sticking up while a condom is already in its shaft.
"And I'm still a virgin, surely no sickness of some sort. Then maybe you can fuck me without a condom?" she asked, one eye closed as it got sting with her own sweat. As for Levi, she looked indulging already looking like that despite being eeky.
"Why?"
"So I can feel you better inside, no barriers." She was curious of how raw sex would feel, a penis without anything in it feeling inside of her.
Levi liked that, no barriers between them. A part of him has wanted to ask the same to her that if he has sex with her without any condoms for no barrier, can they also have their friendship back without barriers?
If only it would be easy for him to say but he still agreed with her despite unable to tell her his thoughts.
"Okay" he says and puts the condom on top of the bedside table. "Only for you and for tonight" he said, hoping she would appreciate his decision for her and for them both.
Hanji smiled and sighed in relief and turns to look away again to her side.
Levi missed that and felt that he wanted to see more of that smile that he had missed.
"You ready for me to put it in?" he asked, while Hanji only nodded.
He gently gave his penis some careful caress and massaged her labia first then he enters her.
With determination despite his reluctance, he did not want to fail Hanji. He then guided himself into the slick heat between her thighs. But despite her apparent readiness, his entry wasn't easy. He gritted his teeth and fisted his hand in the bedsheet and the other on her waist, forcing himself to go slow, to give her time to adjust to him, which her body does not seemed to be doing. His muscles ached with the effort of keeping it there properly and his heart pounded against his ribs as he inched a little farther, swallowing her soft sighs of acceptance but of pain instead of pleasure.
She's tight, very fucking tight.
Hanji saw how his brows furrowed together but also did the same when she realized that there is already an immediate slight feeling of pain underneath her. Seeing Levi's endowments had her stand corrected on her misconception about penis and heights and suddenly had her swallowing hard as she realized she might have a harder time trying to swallow him whole inside of her. Despite the uneasiness, she encouraged him to push further inside.
"Just tell me if you want to stop or if you can't tolerate the pain" he tells her again, his breaths becoming shallow as well.
"Just push it in some more!" she mildly yelled out and held her breath. When she let go and exhaled, Levi also paused as well.
"Are you inside of me entirely?" she asked since she had already enough breaths to hold. And maybe he is, after all that effort he did and the entire threshold she just had.
"Just the head."
"That's just the head!?" Hanji realized that this is going to be tougher than what she had anticipated, but she is so determined and knows that she won't be giving up anytime soon. Somehow, she is eager to get him inside of her entirely but she thinks that she had gotten herself feel highly invincible and she could handle him but she seemed to have her deductions wrong.
One factor is she did not expect Levi to be of that size as well. She went up a bit through her elbows and took a bit of peak at him and realized that there is still a long way to go to have him put everything inside her.
Crap, his head seemed to be more or less just an inch as she had seen earlier but that size alone made her want to shout in glory at the top of her lungs.
"You are sure about this?" Levi asked again after seeing her reaction.
"Of course! You're already inside, why stop now?" she replied with obvious agony and plop herself flat on the back on the bed as Levi obediently followed her words. He pushed in a little deeper inside her, making only small progress as both of them felt how cave was so steep and tight.
"Ah-ha-aw!" she muttered. Levi was alarmed but Hanji leaned in a bit towards him by her elbows.
"Suck on my breast" she said breathless and Levi complied. He felt sorry for her to prop herself up a bit just so he could reach her breast.
Feeling his mouth such on her breasts was enough to balance the pain but the more he tries to enter her, the pain was still unbearable and she is starting to doubt her capability.
She had heard stories of having failed first time sex experiences because of the pain in the vagina and she refused to have the same.
They continued to do the same thing to lessen the pain that she is feeling although having Levi suck on her breast is becoming ineffective.
With every little push that Levi makes, he groans. He thought he might be losing his hardness again but her extreme tightness makes him maintain his dick hard as ever.
After a series of unending trying of pushing and breast sucking, they finally able to reach something.
They felt a barrier inside of her and they knew that there goes another challenge for them.
"Do you feel that?" Hanji said with small breaths as she watched Levi nods a smile etched as she talks. She finds it really fascinating to base something very important into a piece flesh that serves as a barrier.
"That's my hymen, my only barrier for my virginity." She exclaims and watches Levi sweat frantically and nods at her.
Levi gave more bumps into the only barrier that she has and she can't wait but feel what it is like being ripped apart. For her, she has decided to have it ripped tonight and since it is going to be once in a lifetime experience, she wanted it to experience to someone who is experienced and would not give her a bad memory of it, without any form of regret.
She is pretty much aware of the pain she will have from losing it, and she wanted to use the same pain to forget all the bad memories. Along with it she wanted to do something liberating and something that is enough to make her forget. She has no regrets that it is going to be Levi for sure, even if she had fucked friendship with him.
At least in the end of their friendship, she is not the sore loser because she knows she would have him feel used like the others.
At least in losing her virginity, she had done it to be liberated and start anew.
That at least in losing her virginity, she had done it with someone who is good in bed and awfully good looking.
And she also believes that it would be better to have Levi be responsible for the pain of losing her virginity since he had already given her enough pain already as well.
He frowned when he felt an unexpected resistance as he tried to go deeper into her, but before he could begin to comprehend what it might mean, the barrier of her innocence was still all mighty on the head of his penis.
It was still a tough barrier, and she could feel that Levi is having difficulties popping her.
"Fuck!" he exclaimed, still trying to poke and break her barrier apart.
With every try of ripping her, she could feel pain and sting. It is indeed painful and does sting but tolerable as she notes it mentally. After trying a few more times, she could feel that Levi is the one being reluctant.
As for Levi, he is reluctant as he never cared about the pain that his clients are going to have and they are supposed to be aware of that because sex is also painful in some ways. But to Hanji, he can't afford to let her feel more pain because of him. He had already given her too much, not this too. He can't focus on actually ripping her apart because he knows that she is going to get hurt more and more.
Most importantly, he never had sex with anyone who he cares for their feelings even for a slight.
It would be lucky of him to have Hanji think of another possible method that they could use to lessen the pain in the process. He then thought that Hanji might have noticed his reluctance.
"Do you have a lubricating gel?" she asked, even if she knows that he really does have for emergency purposes.
"You okay with using lube?"
"Of course" she agrees as she can already see that Levi is having problems fulfilling his destiny for her for the night, and she won't mind using a form of assistance.
Hanji watched Levi put lube on his penis but Hanji rose from her position and gave him a hand on his penis and that there are little tremors on his hand and he has been breathing heavily, although she still removes the thought of Levi being tensed or nervous because she knows that he had mastered doing this.
She placed just enough lube on the tip of his penis' shiny head and body, not too much as she still wanted it to be natural as possible. Afterwards, she then gave him a brief but arousing look before she massaged him with her hands, quick enough to make him harder than before and give her an equally aroused expression. When the end of her lip twitched upward, she nestled herself comfortable in the middle of the bed as she awaits for Levi to enter her again.
Levi inhaled deeply to calm himself and focus before he enters her again. As much as he doesn't want to hurt her, they both know that pain is inevitable. The only thing he could do is to manage it and give her less pain as possible.
This time around, he managed to slip inside her more smoothly than the first trials, gliding inside of her very tight core. The lube was indeed a great help as it helped him slide inside her and reach that barrier again but this time, the barrier too, the hymen, as Hanji calls it, also wrapped itself into his penis after a few pumps but hasn't fully break.
He then turned to look at Hanji whose face was full of concentration despite looking like the world just collapsed on her. Sweaty forehead, mouth slightly open and burrowed brows, Levi still feels getting turned on and getting harder.
"Haaaa!" Hanji exclaimed as Levi tries to go deeper into her. He was actually surprised that she still had not popped yet and thought if he is doing the right thing or if he missed it.
He stopped in the middle to analyze how deep he had been to and Hanji took another deep breath. It was as though her hymen was not there at all. Where the fuck did it go?
Levi decided to move once again, slowly pulling back a little and then pushing deep into her again and he was surprised that he could, nothing standing in between him and Hanji's inner walls.
And then there it was, one big push and he felt himself going in between something strong, and that could only mean one thing. He finally broke it after enveloping itself to his manhood and had gotten ripped off.
Hanji learns that they were successful when Levi moved freely on her a bit smoothly, how he looks so focused yet aroused and continues to pump into her as careful as he was but this time, freely. He kept on moaning, and she tried to give back the same but she still cannot feel the pleasure but she does liked feeling him on her slick walls and mentally note everything on her head. She frowned a little, feeling something was missing.
After a few more pumps, Levi stopped.
"Fuck" he said breathless.
She stood up a little. "What's wrong?"
"Blood." He said and looked at her with grimace. "There's blood."
"Oh" she checked where he is looking at and did saw the head of his penis with a stash of blood. She didn't see anything from her entrance though so maybe it was just starting to bleed.
"Wait there, I'll wash it off" she stood and went to his bathroom and washed it off with a bidet. It was a bit painful but she saw the blood coming out of her.
She did not know that it's going to be massive and the blood coming out of her doesn't look like the blood that she has during period. It looked rather fresh and just so many. She can't help but wonder just how much was stored in her hymen or does it even have blood?
After washing herself off, she saw Levi waiting for her in bed.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, just some blood. Not much of a big deal." She didn't want him to worry that much because he will become even more concerned than she think he would.
Hanji proceeded to lay down in the middle of the bed again but Levi stood and took something from the bedside table that she didn't noticed before. He then gently pats her womanhood with a towel carefully as he can, scared that he might make her bleed some more.
"Ha!" she was surprised of the coldness that met with her womanhood. She then looked at Levi whose eyes are full of worry and concern, as though asking for forgiveness.
"I'm sorry. This is the only way I know that I could help" he tells her and continued to gently pat her womanhood with ice, now wrapped with the towel.
"I heard it will help with the soreness" he said sounding stupid since what he is doing is external and the cause of pain is inside. Nevertheless, maybe it does might help.
Hanji couldn't help but smile a bit at the view in the middle of her legs. She didn't interfere with what Levi is doing and kept her eyes on him as he tries to ease the pain within her.
"This is the first time I am trying this first aid so I am sorry if it's not much of help" he said without looking but continuing with what he was doing.
"Really?" she said out loud. He nodded.
"Never really thought of helping those other virgins that I had." Because that's what they wanted and concern is not paid anyway, he thought as heartless as he could be but he didn't want to send them a different message.
Hanji no longer inquired some more and watched him do what he is doing until he was done. "Do you feel better?" She nodded with a slight smile. Levi stood and puts the ice and the towel away as she waited for him to get back into bed.
He then sat beside her and a pregnant pause came between them.
"Want to try again?" she started and looked at him. She knows he is worried about her welfare but fuck it, she wanted to try again and continue with what they had started.
"Sure" he mumbled and then seals a deep kiss to her before starting again.
-x-
Author's notes:
1. I had multiple scenarios on how they should start and how they should kiss cause I was having a hard time to decided and just decided to settle unto this one. Although, I am not sure if it is okay or if it's a good idea.
2. I've been dry for a while so sex scenes or lemons are a bit of a problem to me right now.
3. It has took me a bit longer than I expected (this alone is 18 whopping pages already) so I need to cut this part into two. Let's pretend this is just foreplay and we're going to have the climax from the next chapter.
4. I did not made this part before, so I am just doing this part recently. (I used to do everything first before posting and the real current status of the story where I am is in their college years). I am doing the next chapter already too, but not sure when I could have it done.
5. Anyone know Sasaki Nozomi? She is a very beautiful Japanese actress, tall and has the same kind of nose just like Hanji's! Better check her out most especially her pictures in side view.
6. Thanks for all those who gave words of comfort but yeah I am still sorry for ranting from the previous chapter. After almost three months of quarantine, I think it's already taking its toll and effect on me even if I am an introvert. I realized being unproductive is making it bad for me.
7. This is my birthday blow-out for you all. I'll be updating again on June 9th, Itachi's birthday.
Keep safe everyone!
Before I forget,
Alic3Mesmerized Thank you so much for your support and for following and for adding this to your favorites :)
aaricbear Thanks for following and for adding this fic to your favorites!
DaughterofTerra73 Thanks for adding this fic to your favorites!
Maisis11 Here yah go! Enjoy! And thank you for your words of wisdom ^.^
ColorMeGold ui Kabayan! Kamusta? Naway' okay ka din sana :) Maraming salamat sau :)