Chapter 34

2016

She was red in the face and fighting hard to keep from shouting at him. All through dinner she had been reserved and barely talked to him, only marvelling in the short story Caleb had written for school about their holiday and the prospect of Grace's upcoming soccer match.

Not a single word had fallen since the children had gone up to bed an hour ago and the way she was tidying up the kitchen gave the impression that she was waging a war on the room.

"Alex?" he said cautiously, still feeling Grace's arms around his neck and Caleb's kiss on his cheeks. He doubted they had fallen asleep already.

With a loud thud the spatula landed in the sink and she poured an enormous amount of dishwashing liquid into it before turning on the tap. Very likely that this might be the only answer she would give him.

He cleared his throat and dared venturing another step closer. "Alex, I'm leaving now if you want me to."

She placed both hands on the edge countertop and with a sinking heart he watched on as her shoulders started trembling.

"Would you please look at me at least?"

Her head whipped around and there they were. The tears she'd been holding back. Evan remembered how grateful he'd been in the beginning. She hadn't cried then. Tears never came to her eyes. And it had only been a source of frustration during the hardest of times. That only changed later on and the older they got, the easier they came. Not that he blamed her. "Why didn't you resign?" she hissed, clapping her hand over her mouth a second later.

The hand with the scar. She must feel it on her lips.

For a moment there, he was on the verge of shouting himself. His hands were balled into fists and he forced his gaze down on the kitchen counter, concentrating very hard on a breadcrumb lying there innocently. He was exhausted and with one single phone call the enormity of the situation had hit him again. Two weeks of holidays in England, two weeks of relaxation and fulfilment had evaporated like they had never happened. He had to go off-world and his team had to join SGs 1 and 15 in defence of the Larsans.

"You didn't quit either," he said, his voice trembling with repressed rage. How he hated this. How he hated fighting with her. The place that had once been their home, the people who had once been part of their family were at stake and when he looked up again he saw the self-loathing in her eyes.

She quickly brushed her hand over her eyes and shook her head and picked up the kitchen towel to wipe the stove.

"And if I'm not mistaken, before we left, you got yourself stuck on the Nox homeworld." The second the words passed his lips, he regretted them. But for once he didn't care about being unfair.

She slapped the kitchen towel on the counter and when she looked at him again, there was a rage in her eyes he hadn't seen there before. "What am I gonna tell the kids when you don't come back?" she hadn't raised her voice, but the accusation thinly veiled behind that question sent a shiver down his spine.

With a low groan he pushed away from the counter and turned his back on her, his hands brushing through his hair to keep them from banging on the work surface. He needed sleep. Not this. He didn't even have time for this. "Alexandra," he finally managed, breathing heavily and giving himself a few moments to stare at the topmost patch of the porch before he slowly turned around to look at her.

She had her arms crossed over her chest and her lips were pressed into a very thin line. She looked so vulnerable and desperate that it made his heart cringe. He'd only ever seen her like a few times. And every single time they had been on the verge of breaking up. Were they about to that incredible mistake again? After going through all of the things they had gone through?

After years and years, was what hadn't mattered at all in the beginning, become so destructive? He knew her. He loved her! Her and their children! And she felt the same way! No… no, this was just a fight. He couldn't take it to heart. She was worried sick. So was he. They were tired and exhausted from the journey and of having to explain to their children that he'd be leaving. That they didn't know when he'd be back. They were sick with worry for Grace and Caleb.

What they had wouldn't break as easily.

And yet… the frustration was there. And he couldn't blame her for wanting to run. She never would.

He let out a long breath and shook his head. "You knew what you were getting yourself into."

"I did," she said without hesitating. "And I still do. But…"

"But what?!" There… that but seemed to shatter every bit of certainty. One word that hit him like a punch to the gut.

She blinked and looked at her hands again. "The longer we are together, the higher the stakes get." Her voice was barely more than a whisper now and that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach only got worse. For two weeks they had been able to forget this. This constant worry. They had become masters of forgetting. Maybe that was the problem.

"I really don't want to talk about this right now." Evan dropped his hands and looked up at the ceiling. At the fly trying to land on the lamp.

"Right." Alex shook her head. "But…" She started that one syllable with enormous force, then dropped her voice and came around the counter. "Don't leave." She stretched out a hand towards him and he could see the slight tremble in her fingers.

He took it after staring at it for a solid minute. Her skin was icy and the cold made his own skin crawl. "Don't make it harder for me," he said quietly, shaking his head and he had to force himself to look up into those wonderfully blue eyes.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she closed the distance between them and put a hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "You know I know better than this."

Evan nodded hesitantly. Him leaving, having to go away and do his duty had only become a problem after their escape from Atlantis and he hated that that moment had driven such a wedge between them. "When this is all over things will calm down." Or they'd be sent back to Atlantis. Or he would have to go alone. The kids were too old to be able to keep this a secret. Maybe he'd be sent someplace far away from here. Either to the other end of the world, or a different part of the galaxy. But he couldn't worry about that now.

"I love you." Alex's voice sounded stronger now, but her eyes were still full of tears.

Evan didn't hesitate to lean in and kiss her. "Be still here when I come back," he breathed against her lips, hating himself for feeling so weak in the knees.

But Alex didn't answer straight away and the pause as she looked into his eyes, made his heart stop beating for a moment. He was already starting to let go of her when she pulled him even closer. "I will always be here," she said. "Come back to us."

She wasn't asking him to make a promise. It was a demand. And how was he supposed to even know he could meet that demand? But he nodded again. "I'll try."

"And when you get back, maybe we could think things over?"

He pressed his lips together. He hadn't left the Air Force when they wanted to send him to another galaxy. He hadn't resigned his commission after the IOA decided to abandon the entire Pegasus Galaxy. And he didn't even want to think about what she actually meant. Did she just mean his job? Or their family? "Alex…" he said again, looking pleadingly into her eyes.

"No." Alex put her index on his mouth and shook his head. "Forget it. I'm sorry. I'm tired."

"Things are gonna look very different once you've had some sleep."

She scoffed and her hand moved up his side. "As if I'm gonna get a wink of sleep."

Evan smiled despite himself and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Take care of yourself, will you? We need you back. Not necessarily in one piece, but alive." She wasn't returning his smile and he nodded again. She knew what it meant. She'd always known. And she understood that even if he had a choice, he would still go. And if it hadn't been for their children, she'd insist on Murdoch taking her along. "I'm being so stupid…" Frowning she looked down at his chest and he pulled her closer once more.

Holding her close to his chest, he kissed her temple. "I'm sure Mitchell wouldn't mind me getting there a bit late, you know?"

2034

Grace and Torren were both fully awake now and Montgomery had said they would have to remain in the infirmary for another day. It was a relief, to say the least, but the fact remained that nobody knew what had happened to them and why.

The incident had led to the agreement that the Tau'ri and the Athosians would team up and patrol the area constantly. Caleb had overheard his father saying that the ship was as good as ready to start and they could take off the next day if they had a mind to. But Caleb doubted that would happen.

He pulled at the strap holding his P-90 and checked that the old Zat was in his thigh holster before he joined Hernandez at the bottom of the ramp. "You and I will be pairing up one of the Athosians," the Colonel said, pointing at Josh talking quietly to two Athosian women at the edge of the clearing. They had a similar stature: smallish and slim, although the younger woman looked fit enough to lift a boulder and her eyebrows over the dark eyes were thick and scowling. She looked downright dangerous the way she frowned at him. Which crime had he committed already?!

The older woman must be in her late forties or early fifties, while the girl seemed to be a bit younger than him and Josh.

As they approached, the younger woman with the dark brown hair turned to look at Caleb and brushed a strand of hair out of her eye, he spotted a tattoo encircling her left lower arm, a thin band of black triangles set in four neat rows. Hadn't he seen something like that somewhere recently?

"You must be Caleb," the older red-haired woman said, making Caleb whirl his head around.

"Huh?"

The woman smiled brightly at him. "Caleb Lorne?"

Hernandez gave an audible sigh next to him, but Caleb didn't turn to look at him. "Yeah?" He'd never seen that woman before, but then again, almost everybody on this ruddy planet knew who he was. He ought to get used to this.

"I'm Emma Rogers, I was a member of the expedition back in the day. This is my daughter Eva."

"Right." Caleb nodded once. How could this woman be so cheery? "Hi," he said, nodding at Eva, who shoved her hands into the pockets of her trousers.

"Should we go join your team then, Doctor Murdoch?" she said, after a curt nod.

"Huh?" Josh said, echoing Caleb without seeming to notice. Eva rolled her eyes. "See you later," she said quietly to Hernandez, Caleb and her mother, before she led the way to where Jebson and Durham were already waiting for them. Josh lagged a few feet behind, but when he caught up to Eva, Caleb heard him ask whether she liked chocolate. How could that guy eat so much?

"Should we get goin'?" Emma asked and Hernandez nodded brusquely.

"We're to patrol South West of the village, where Lieutenant Lorne and Emmagan were found earlier today."

Caleb would never get over how businesslike the leader of his team could be. He was never unfriendly but seemed somewhat distant all the time. If anything, this guy was exactly the kind of military man you would find in an old-fashioned TV-show.

As they made their way towards the path leading into the village, Caleb watched as Emma Rogers turned to look around at the ship and Caleb followed her gaze. Ronon, Halling and his parents were just leaving the ship and Ronon looked as sullen as ever. Maybe even more so when he looked at the three of them leaving together.

Caleb turned to look back at Emma, who had stopped smiling now.

"How well do you know the area?" Hernandez asked and Emma raised her eyebrow when she turned her attention to him.

"You mean for someone who's lived here for twenty-three years?"

Hernandez stared at her for a moment, then gave her one of his rare smirks. "Right," he said. "Sorry."

Shaking her head, she picked up the pace and then turned right into the thicket. "Well, you're right. I may have grown up on a ranch, but my husband and daughter are even more outdoorsy than me."

Caleb scoffed and caught Emma's eye. She was frowning slightly, and Caleb shrugged. "Not funny?"

She didn't comment immediately but led the way. Hernandez dropped back a bit, keeping an eye out for anything unusual. Somehow Caleb doubted that whoever had attacked Grace and Torren still lingered around. Whatever they wanted, they'd gotten it already.

"It was a bit funny," she conceded, cocking her head and looking at him thoughtfully. As though she was about to say something.

Caleb cut her off with a low groan. "Please don't tell me I take after either one of my parents. I can't take that any more."

"Now, who's being funny?" she asked and Caleb looked over his shoulder at Hernandez.

The brown eyes met his. "Oh, we do that all the time when you're not around, Doctor," he grinned. "Just be grateful you're not your sister. Her callsign speaks volumes."

"What is her callsign?" Emma asked curiously.

Hernandez just smiled and adjusted his cap.

Emma pushed away a couple of ferns and kept walking, her feet sure on the forest floor.

"Are you and your family coming back with us?" Caleb asked curiously. He couldn't help but wonder who might be willing to come. Would he want to go back after such a long time?

Emma's face darkened. "It came up last night," she said, her eyes trained on something far ahead as they made their way. But she didn't elaborate. And somehow Caleb couldn't help but think his question had gone too far.

She cleared her throat. "So, what are you doing here, Caleb?" she asked curiously, changing the subject and Caleb turned to look at Hernandez again, who merely raised his eyebrow at him. God, he really needed to find a way to be more confident around these people.

"I have a PhD in Archaeology, actually. Found an artefact and that kind of dragged me into this."

"Ah," Emma smiled at that. "So you are like your mother."

"How about your daughter?" Caleb asked quickly so as to avoid that discussion. "Does she take after you? Were you an airman?"

Emma laughed out loud and looked up at the sky for a moment. "No, and my job description would not have qualified me for a two-decade stay on a different world without any access to books."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm a linguist," she explained. "PhD. I worked with your mom."

"Ah… well…" Caleb looked her up and down. Why was it that he could more easily imagine this woman living on another world than his mother? Wasn't that just unfair? "Sorry, Doctor Rogers."

"No problem, Doctor Lorne."

A/N: Right.. so that happened a lot faster than I could possibly have anticipated. What's going on here though? Hmmm… I wonder… In the next chapter we're returning our attention to Torren and Grace! Or maybe to Evan and Alex? … who can tell?

Well, I can, but I'm not gonna. :-P

A huge thank you goes out to Traveler's Chick who not only lent me her characters Eva and Emma, but who also helped me bringing them to life within this timeline. She put a lot of trust in me and I really, really appreciate that! Go read her story "Tempus Fugit" and every other story about Emma Rogers and Eva (not giving that last name yet) straight away.