"You're sure you don't know how long you'll be gone?"
Xin was frowning as she fussed over the Sand Siblings, adjusting and then readjusting their scarves around their necks. It was December and even though Suna retained it's usual dry weather, the rest of the world was smack dab in the middle of winter. She was disappointed that the Sand Siblings would be gone for an indefinite amount of time, leaving her behind to take care of things in Suna.
"It's hard to say. It could be a quick meeting," Temari began, letting Xin shift her scarf around her neck to her satisfaction. "Or it could drag on. I suppose it depends on the Kages."
"You mean the Tsuchikage," Xin sourly rolled her eyes. "And the Raikage...he's kind of a..dick."
Kankuro grinned. "You sure we can't bring Xin along? I can't be the only one who wants to see her curse out a couple of Kages."
Gaara shook his head, unimpressed with his brother. "We are not bringing her along just so she can pick a fight with another Kage. The whole point of this summit is to come to an agreement for peace."
"Can't start an era of peace by having the Kazekage's wife choke another Kage," Temari quipped with a chuckle. Xin leveled the three with a blank look.
"None of you are funny. I wouldn't actually try to choke one of the Kages. I probably couldn't put a scratch on any of them unless I catch them off guard."
Kankuro reached for the younger woman, cupping her face. He squeezed at her cheeks, grinning at the face she made at him. "I don't know, you've got the freak iron will. You'd at least beat the shit out of them. Probably just take them down with you."
Xin rolled her eyes and slapped his hands away. "I'm touched, really, that you think I can take on a Kage."
"I think you can do anything. You're tenacious like that."
This time she blinked up at him, caught off guard by the genuine compliment. She waited for the accompanying backhanded comment but Kankuro just grinned down at her, ruffling her hair. Temari was obviously amused when she wrapped her arms around Xin. "We'll be back before you know it, Xin. Try not to get into trouble while we're gone."
Xin snorted but returned the hug. "The only reason I get into trouble is because of your brother."
"Ah, can't use that excuse, he's your husband."
She had no actual comeback for that, opting to squeeze the blonde instead. Temari and Kankuro went on ahead, deigning to give Gaara the chance to say goodbye without them watching. Suna was waiting to bid the team a safe trip and they so decided to bid Xin goodbye ahead of time. The tall redhead draped his arms around her waist, drumming his fingers against her lower back. Xin smiled, pressing her face into his chest. She inhaled deeply, like maybe she was trying to commit his scent to memory.
In the ensuing months since her return, life had gone back to normal. Well, as normal as it could possibly be for the four of them. Despite having some blank spots in her memory, Xin readjusted just fine. For the second time, she'd like to joke. She took less missions and dedicated more of her time at the hospital, working directly under Moriya-sensei and training medical ninjas. She still took missions here and there but she was definitely more of a medical ninja now than anything else.
It didn't bother her. Sure, sometimes she found herself tempted to strangle someone or punch them straight in the teeth but she was able to curve her bloodlust. She still threatened people though. There was no changing her short temper.
"Are you going to be okay while we're gone?" Gaara asked when she finally tilted her head back to look at him. It felt odd to be the one leaving her for a mission and for a gut-wrenching split second, he saw a blank-eyed Xin, dressed in a hospital yukata and barefooted.
He hated those memories.
"I'm nineteen, not nine. I can handle a couple of days without you guys getting on my nerves."
He snorted at that, tugging at the end of her ponytail. "This is coming from the woman who gets upset when I sleep with my back facing her."
Xin gaped up at him, clearly offended. "What is with you and holding onto these things? That was months ago, shut up," she uncurled her arms from between their chests to wag a finger in his face. "And I was upset because you were being petty."
He caught her wagging finger. "No one told you to seal Yoshiko."
Xin's face flushed but she didn't argue against him. It was inevitable that Gaara eventually found out about Xin's actions against Yoshiko. She hadn't killed the girl, she argued back but that wasn't the point. They bickered relentlessly for days, neither willing to give in first. It was maybe a week of arguing and mean glares before Temari and Asuna stepped in to mediate. Xin might have thrown a vase before everything was sorted out.
Her memory was a bit shoddy, she claimed.
"We are not revisiting that argument," Xin huffed with pout.
"Ugh, can you kiss your loudmouth wife goodbye already? We've got things to do, peace to achieve!" Kankuro called from ahead of them, cautiously peering behind him. He'd be wary of any shared affection after walking in on them when they were...preoccupied.
Xin, in her own words alone, literally tried to smack sense into him.
"Well?" Xin pressed, just as impatient.
Fingers curled around her jaw, tilting her head backwards. When he kissed her, he kissed her slowly and softly. Like maybe he was committing the shape of her lips to memory. He kissed her like that more often now, whenever she would go on missions. It sometimes unnerved her, it made her feel like he'd never see her again.
Gaara just wasn't sure how to tell her that he feared she'd suffer a head injury or have another mental break and be taken from him again. Her mental break had been a long time coming but hell if he thought she would ever suffer from amnesia. Sometimes he still felt stabs of guilt. Especially when she couldn't recall a certain memory.
So, he kisses her a little longer and holds her tighter. He just wanted to make sure that Xin knew she was loved and cared for. That no, despite her interesting skill set, she was more than just a highly trained assassin. He wanted her to enjoy life, to appreciate it.
And she did. She understood that now, relished in the fact. But some days were hard for her. Some days were bad. Some days, she reverted back to her old ways. Spoke of death and murder casually, suggested it as an easy solution to whatever was annoying him that day. Some days she had a blank look in her eyes for hours. Some days she forgot her own father's name or she couldn't remember what age she graduated from the Academy.
Those days were hard.
But he loved her and so did his siblings. And the rest of her friends. It wasn't easy for any of them but they carried on, supported her and uplifted her. They never let her stay down for too long, finding ways to help her on the bad days.
He hoped she wouldn't have too many of those days while he was gone.
Xin sighed, shoulders slumping the longer he kissed her. She was completely unaware of his whirling thoughts. When she pulled away from him, she smiled up at him with her arms around his torso. Her hands rubbed up and down his back, almost as if she was trying to soothe him. "I love you," Xin whispered easily, like she didn't want the wind to carry her voice. "Come back in one piece, yeah?"
Gaara snorted, fingers tightening around her jaw. He leaned down once more, this time pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Don't cause any trouble while we're gone, understand?"
They joined Temari and Kankuro, traveling through the village. Xin's mouth moved a mile per minute, reminding them to eat and sleep properly, to be careful and to look out for one another. They listened to her, nodding and humming when it was appropriate to appease her.
"Kankuro, are you sure you don't want a scarf? It's winter." Xin pointed out as they approached the gates of Suna. Shinobi were waiting for them, wanting to wish them well on their impending mission.
"Nah, I'm covered." Kankuro motioned to his hood. He would be fine without a scarf. Xin stared up at him with somewhat of a pout forming. Kankuro stared down at her for a long moment before sighing. Hands shoved into his pockets, he stopped and leaned down. Xin's pout morphed into a victorious smile before she lopped the last scarf around his neck, making sure the bottom half of his face was well covered. Gaara snorted at the display. Kankuro tended to tease him in the sense that he let Xin get away with a lot because he was so enamored with her. Ironic though, since she tended to get her way with him as well.
Xin stood at Asuna's side as the waiting Shinobi wished them safe travels, smiling all the while. Her hands were folded in front of her, serene as the Shinobi offered words of encouragement. Peace was the goal. Peace among the nations, among the great villages. There would be no more secret wars carried out by child-soldiers. No more fierce competition between villages that often resulted in violence and worse case scenarios, death.
No more Shinobi like Gaara or Xin.
Peace for the next generation.
It was obtainable.
"Xin-chan, just the woman I wanted to see."
Xin smiled politely while stepping into Moriya's office. "I have today's reports done, Sensei. Is there something that needs my attention before I go home?"
The director smiled as he motioned for her to take a seat. She handed him the reports but slid into the seat in front of him. She was in no real rush to get home, the house being empty unnerved her. "Nothing alarming but I wanted to discuss something with you. I'm getting older, you know and I think it's time to consider retiring soon."
Xin blinked at the revelation. "Nonsense, Sensei. You're still quite young."
The older man sat back in his chair, smiling. "You're too kind, Xin-chan but I do feel it's time."
Xin looked as if she wanted to argue the statement but then her expression relaxed. "Well, if you're sure, Sensei. I'm sure Iroha-san would enjoy having your home more often. Why are you telling me this?" she pressed with raised brows. Maybe he felt the need to tell her since she worked closely under him. Usually Xin was the one left in charge if Moriya was unavailable and she liked to think she did an okay job.
"Ah, so quick to the point," he folded his hands across the desk. "Obviously I can't leave the hospital without a Director."
Xin nodded along to his words, that made sense. "I suppose you'd have to set up interviews for possible candidates. I could sit in on those interviews as well, it's ideal to have a second opinion."
Moriya seemed amused as Xin rambled, still smiling. "That won't be necessary, I don't think. I already have the perfect person in mind."
"Oh? Who might that be?" Xin paused with a questioning look. Moriya raised his eyebrows at her, amusement evident in his eyes. Realization set in immediately for her. She visibly paled, sitting back into her chair. "Moriya-sensei, you can't possibly mean me to be the next Director."
"Why not? You're an accomplished medical-ninja, you trained under Tsunade-sama and you're kind. You would be perfect to head the hospital once I retire." His voice was firm and Xin wasn't sure if she could convince him otherwise. A sort of coldness overlapped her. Anything she planned on saying in rebuttal died somewhere in her throat. Her eyes glazed over as she recalled a buried memory. Moriya reached across the desk before she could sink too deeply into her memories. "None of that, Xin-chan. Just listen. I know you may feel unworthy of praise. I know sometimes your guilt weighs you down—"
She stared at the old man in horror, she never spoke of her unsavory past with Moriya before. How he knew anything about how she felt was beyond her.
"Ah, you forget, young one. I was a Shinobi long before I became a medical ninja. I was a Shinobi long before you were a thought. I lived through wars, Xin-chan. I know guilt when I see it."
She almost sunk into herself like a scolded child. He had a point though. He could see the guilt dragging her down by the shoulders, the trauma in the shadows of her smile. The narrow of her eyes, untrusting, the twitch of her fingers when she was about to lose her temper.
And the scars.
Oh, the scars. Those scars told stories of hard-fought battles and life threatening injuries. Stories of her misdeeds and obedience to Konoha. Stories of her iron will, the Will of Fire that burned in her veins. He'd seen it all. But he'd seen the rest too. The kind smiles she had for anyone who visited the hospital and the healing hands ready to aid anyone in need. The soft voice, scolding a reckless Genin or even a Jonin. The gentle rocking of a newborn baby.
"You can't have the good without the bad, Xin-chan. Surely you've learned that by now. Everyone deserves a chance at redemption and I think you've redeemed yourself twice over.
You care for Suna's villagers. You've never turned anyone away, no matter what the ailment is. You recognize that mental health is an issue and you pushed for something to be done about it. You pushed Kazekage-sama into paying more attention to the hospital and you've used your own funds to get better supplies."
Xin blushed. She'd forgotten all about her own accumulation of wealth sitting in the Hyuga's vault untouched. She never had much of a reason to spend a lot of money and because of that, simply let the money gather dust. Once she realized that the money was untouched, she petitioned to Konoha to send her the money. Tsunade, of course, agreed, uncaring that Konoha's council advised against it.
She isn't a Konoha kunoichi anymore.
Just to be petty, she'd been awarded a generous lump sum as well.
For all you've done for Konoha.
A lot of the money had been funneled into the hospital. Better supplies, gear, expensive herbs and seeds from Konoha to grow in their greenhouse. Studier material for a stronger greenhouse against desert storms. The remaining money was stored away, waiting for the inevitable construction of her mental health ward.
"People like you. And Kazekage-sama. You're the special ones. Ones who's known grief and suffering so they resolve to do everything they can to make a change." Moriya's voice was soft and comforting. "You still doubt yourself sometimes. That's okay. We all have those days. But you are a good person, Xin-chan and I wouldn't trust anyone else the way I trust you to look after Suna's health.
I'm not saying you have to agree. You can reject the position. But you were made for this and you know it. You don't have to answer now but please think about it."
"Yes, Sensei."
Moriya dismissed her after that, sending her home to that big empty house. She hadn't heard much about the Hokage Summit, not that she expected to, but she still wondered when they'd return. Her days were quiet without them around and sometimes it reminded her of returning home for a mission to a dark house in Konoha. She didn't like those memories but they were persistent.
Asuna was waiting on the front porch, looking apologetic. "Sorry for dropping by unannounced like this."
"Don't worry about it. It can't be easy trying to keep the village afloat while the Kage is away. How's it working with Baki? He's a bit of a sourpuss," Xin waved the apology off, glad for the company.
Asuna laughed at the jab, following the younger girl as she led her inside. Ume came trotting out from the darkness of the house, greeting the two women with a meow. "Baki-san is...well, he's Baki-san but things are fine. I just hope Gaara-sama will return soon. There's so much to be done, so many reports to read, things to approve and deny."
"Sounds like a hassle," Xin mused as Ume weaved through her legs. It's a wonder she didn't trip over the black ball of fur.
"Well," Asuna only nodded. Her blonde hair was shorter now, cropped closer to her shoulders. It was a good look on her, gave her more of the 'assistant' image, as Jura liked to say. "It's rewarding."
"It'll only get busier depending on how this summit goes," she set off to make tea, wondering what she should cook for dinner. She wasn't used to making dinner for one. At least, not anymore. She tended to cook too much and often found herself delivering some food for Baki. He was gruff about it but he always too the offered food.
"True." Asuna agreed. "Anyway, I know you've had a long day and I meant to give this to you sooner," she reached into her pouch to produce a single while envelope.
"The hell's that?" Xin frowned. Asuna rolled her eyes but slid it across the table in exchange for the offered cup of tea. She sighed in delight as she sipped the brew, quietly complimenting Xin on her tea-making skills. Xin shrugged the comment off, "I had tea-ceremony training," she mumbled, too focused on the opening the letter. Asuna enjoyed her tea as Xin ripped the letter open to read. Gradually her eyes began to widen and her mouth pinched. "It's a wedding invite…"
"Who's getting married?"
"My sister—ah, my twin. Hinata. It's an invite to her wedding. She's getting married. To Naruto."
"You...are you not happy for her?"
"I am, I am. She's been in love with him since our academy days. She...she deserves the world and…" Xin trailed off, that heavy feeling in her chest served to unnerve her. "It's just...I don't know, I feel like I should be there with her. Helping her plan."
Asuna smiled at her. "Why?"
"Why? Because she needs me."
"Does she? I'm sure she's quite capable."
Xin paused, blinking. Asuna's statement resonated within her.
"Don't mourn for what could have been, Xin. Celebrate what will be. You and your sister are adults now, your paths diverge but that doesn't change that you'll always be sisters."
Xin blinked, the heavy feeling ebbing away. "Since when have you become so philosophical? You've been hanging around Gaara too much, that sounds like some shit he'd say.."
Asuna snorted into her tea. "Anyway, when's the wedding?"
"Late spring. I can't wait to tell Gaara, it's gonna be so much fun."
Xin continued to babble to Asuna, grateful for the company. If the blonde was annoyed, she didn't show it. She was lonely, Asuna realized somberly. Lonely without the Sand Siblings to keep her company. Lonely in a big empty house. Lonely with just her strange cat and whirling thoughts.
"Xin...have you thought about having children yet? I'm not rushing either of you or anything but…"
Xin paused, her back to Asuna as she brewed yet another pot of tea. Her gaze dropped down, studying the flat surface of her stomach. "I…" she reached up and laid her hand against her stomach. No life growing there. Not yet. Not ever. Soon. Maybe. She couldn't decide. The thought of pregnancy, of another miscarriage still scared her.
"I suffered a miscarriage."
"I—what?"
Xin resisted the urge to turn around. "A couple days before my nineteenth birthday. I, uh, I bled out in my aunt's bathroom. I didn't know I was pregnant. I was almost nine weeks."
"Oh, Xin…"
"I didn't know. Least, I don't think I knew. My body wasn't really showing any signs or anything. It just...it happened. And...it scared me."
"You went through that alone," Asuna's voice was soft with realization.
"Yes and no. I wanted to suffer alone but my friends and family, they all banded together to help me through it. A bunch of stubborn assholes, if you ask me. Of course no one ever asks me..."
"But Kazekage-sama…"
"I sent him a letter but…"
"Yoshiko. Oh my God. That's why you attacked her."
Xin finally turned around, returning with the teapot. "I want to have children but I can't help thinking I'll miscarry again. If I do get through my pregnancy, what if I fuck the kid up like my parents did me? What if...what if I can't love them? What if they can't love me? What if it's an endless cycle?"
"You don't know any of that for sure. You have to trust in yourself, in your body and in your husband. If you keep waiting around on the 'what ifs', you'll lose your opportunity," Asuna stared down into her teacup. Slowly she unfurled her fingers from the cup to reach for Xin. "For what it's worth, I don't think you'd screw your kid up. I think maybe they'd be terrified to piss you off but I know you'd love them. You love, Xin. That's what you do, whether you realize it or not.
You love your husband and his siblings, Jura and Hideki. Ukyo. Momoka and me. Even Hatsune and Sasori. You love unconditionally. Fiercely. Strongly. You love."
The kitchen fell into silence, both women staring at one another. Xin wasn't sure what to do with Asuna's statement. She almost accused her of conspiring with Moriya. What the hell were they trying to prove? She wondered if that's how the rest of the world saw her. Kind, loving and thoughtful. She wondered if that's how Gaara saw her. If that's how his siblings saw her.
"I think you can do anything. You're tenacious like that."
"But you were made for this and you know it."
"For all you've done for Konoha."
Her blood pumped loudly in her ears. She'd do her best. In her heart and soul, Xin knew that she'd do anything to raise her children right. To raise them better than how she and her sisters were raised. Better than how Gaara and his siblings were raised. She knew that she and Gaara would do anything to avoid the mistakes of their parents.
Xin's lips formed a smile.
"Thank you."
December ended with barely any word from the Kage. It left Xin feeling frustrated. She turned twenty, another birthday celebrated without the Sand Siblings. But, she reminded herself, at least she wasn't in someone's bathroom bleeding out like last year. Asuna was not amused with that comment.
Finally, two weeks into January, they receive word.
An Era of Peace was on the horizon.
They celebrate. Even without their Kazekage and his siblings, they celebrate the victory. They celebrate peace. They celebrate knowing that the next generation won't have to experience their struggles and losses. For the first time in a long time, the future doesn't look so damn bleak to her.
But still, she wished the Sand Siblings would come the hell home already. She was getting antsy. The summit wrapped up, shouldn't they be home by now? Regardless, she continued on with her days. She went to the hospital and tended to Suna, she trained Ukyo and Hideki, sparred with Jura and Sasori and lived her days.
Gaara showed up on a random Thursday afternoon. There was nothing that stuck out about the day in particular.
She was in the middle of extracting poison from a Chunin, berating them despite the fact that they were curled into themselves. Her hand twisted, almost as if she was commanding water. "You really shouldn't practice poison techniques on your own. You've digested far too much." Xin's voice was light, casual as she worked the poison from beneath her skin. The poisonous smog clung to her glowing hands, trying and failing to sink into her skin.
"Lady Xin," Sachiko's tone was pointed as she stepped to her side, holding the tray up. "Perhaps it would be better to remind her of this when she isn't halfway delirious?"
"Nonsense." Like shooing a wayward child away, Xin flicked the poison to the offered pan. "She's fine, isn't that right?" she helped the young Chunin sit up. Her face was pale but it was no longer turning that odd purple color. That had to be a good sign, Xin noted almost casually. Poison wasn't something to be taken casually, Sachiko reminded her.
"I suppose," the Chunin managed to rasp.
"Fantastic! Now, what've we learned today?"
"Ah...that you can heal anything?"
"Ha, good one but no. If you're going to get your body used to poison, Moroha, you ingest small doses. Not damn there a cupful. Really, your Sensei should supervise you. Ah, who cares. Come here every other Thursday afternoon and I'll help you, okay?"
Xin waved Moroha off with a smile, oblivious to Sachiko's wry stare. "My lady, that's the fourth Chunin you've decided to help with training."
"So? That's not a lot."
"What about the two Genin you promised to help with their Taijutsu? And that Jonin—"
"I like helping."
Sachiko's reply died somewhere in the back of her throat. "We know that. You've made that clear with your mental health ward and your insistence to dump all of your earnings into the hospital."
"I wasn't doing anything with it—"
Sachiko stubbornly shook her head. "Not the point. You're stretching yourself thin."
The two leave the room, still bickering. Sachiko was right, Xin realized but she knows that she'll spend the rest of her days trying to make up for her misdeeds. If that meant setting broken bones and pulling poison out of Chunin and helping young Shinobi hone their skills, well then…
So be it.
They turn a corner, only for Xin to walk straight into somebody. She bounced backwards from the impact, Sachiko scrambling to catch her before she could go down in a heap. "For fuck's sake—" Xin glanced up, ready to unleash Hell. She stopped before she could even get started, blinking up at the sight of Gaara.
Why he was wandering around the hospital was beyond her.
"Kazekage-sama!" Sachiko let go of Xin to bow. "You're back! Welcome home," she greeted cheerfully. Once upon a time she'd been too terrified to even look him in the eye. How times have changed.
He thanked her for the welcome but kept his eyes solely on Xin, somewhat amused. For once, she was left speechless. That didn't happen too often and he relished in it. "Nothing to say for once, Xin?" he rasped. It sounded like he'd been eating sand all day.
"Ah…" she reached for him, pressing her hand against his chest. Her expression morphed into one of cool indifference. "So you accomplished the mission. Good job."
Gaara was not fooled and instead grabbed at her hand before she could pull away. "Sachiko, inform Moriya that Xin is done for the day."
"Of course!"
"Wait, what? You can't just decide that."
"Ah, I think he can, my lady. He's the Kazekage and all…"
Sachiko didn't even try to hide her grateful smile as Gaara pulled her away. She was sure she'd have another evening of bickering with Xin in order for her to call it a night. And, if push comes to shove, have Moriya send her home if she proved to be too stubborn. She was happy knowing her evening would go smoothly now that she didn't have to damn there fight Xin out of the hospital.
Gaara ignored Xin's annoyed complaining as he pulled her from the hospital. He was pretty sure that ignoring her annoyed her even more but he couldn't be bothered with it. He didn't stop until they were in front of their house, finally spinning around to face her. She nearly crashed into him for the second time.
"For the love of God, Gaara—"
"You didn't miss me?"
Finally her face light up, reminding him of the lone red ball he'd play with by himself as a child. He much prefered her red face over that ball though. "Of course I missed you!" she threw her hands up in exasperation, only to throw them around him seconds later. "I don't know how I got through the days." Her tone was overly dramatic and he wasn't the least bit amused.
"Xin. You were gone for half a year."
"I had amnesia and was dealing with a miscarriage, I didn't have time to think about you."
"That's a lie and we both know it."
Xin smiled into his chest, chuckling as she did so. "I missed you. So much. I'm glad that you're back and safe."
"And the mission?"
She pulled her face back, tilting her head just so that the setting sun bathed her skin in warmth. Honestly, whether it went well or not, it didn't matter to her. She was just glad the three had finally returned. If she had to have another conversation with Ume, she was going to lose it. "Peace or no peace, I'm just glad to have my family back home."
Gaara grunted and caressed the back of her head. "We're glad to be back home. I forgot how annoying Kankuro can be on missions."
"How could you forget? He's just annoying in general."
He let out a bark of laughter that caused her to smile. She was lovesick, she could just feel it in her face. "That isn't nice."
"I'm not nice."
"That's not what Moriya told me when I came looking for you. He says you've been too nice actually. You've promised to help a dozen or so Shinobi with one task or the other?"
"I like helping people, what is wrong with that?"
"Sounds like you're trying to make up for something. You've done plenty enough as it is. I don't need you exhausting yourself and passing out."
Xin sighed dramatically but relented. "Fine, fine. You guys win this round. I'll ease up but I already told those Shinobi I would help them. You guys can't stop me. I don't go back on my promises." There was no convincing her to relinquish some of those promises, even for her sake. He'd have to keep a closer eye on her, just to make sure she didn't run herself ragged. She would no doubt try to turn it around on him and remind him that he's the workaholic but he would still try to talk some sense into her.
"Don't overwork yourself." Gaara said in a tone that left no room for argument. He stepped towards the front door only to have Xin pull insistently on his sleeve. When he turned back to face her, she looked visibly put off.
"Un?" she grunted and tapped her finger to her mouth. Gaara let out another bark of laughter that had her insides feeling gooey. He drew her in without question, arms falling around her waist. She smiled into his kiss, sighing as she did so. He mutely realized that at some point, her odd blend of sadness, happiness and madness melted away.
She tasted like home. She tasted like sand and the warm sunlight. Like mischief. Like her loud cackle and the metal of her warfans. Like the wind and her coveted coffee. He could only assume that she'd finally shed the last bit of her that clung to Konoha, that mourned for a life that would never be. At some point as she tried to readjust to life in Suna, she completely let go of Konoha.
Xin was home.
Gaara curled over her and the kiss gradually turned into a frenzy. He grabbed at full hips, pulling her tighter against him. It occurred to him, at some point, that they were still outside and within plain view of anyone who happened upon them but he couldn't find it in him to care. But then he remembered. There'd been a specific reason he dragged her home early and with a hard grunt, pulled away from her. Her lips were alluringly swollen and her face was glowing and he almost, almost said fuck that reason.
Xin grabbed at his arms to keep herself steady, her face clearly dazed. She smiled slowly, tipping forward on the tips of her toes to deliver a more innocent kiss against his jaw. "Welcome home," she kissed along at his skin. He turned abruptly before she could seduce him. Xin grinned at his back, knowing she was getting under his skin. Her blood pumped at the thought of dragging him up to their bedroom, mind whirling with nasty thoughts.
Xin followed him into the house, noting almost immediately that it was way too quiet and dark. She expected Temari and Kankuro to be loudly making their presence known but was met with perpetual silence. Odd. Gaara didn't seem to take notice of it, leading her towards the dark living room. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as Gaara casually leaned over to flick the lights on. She was not prepared for what happened next.
"Surprise!"
Xin let out a shriek and she wasn't too proud of her next actions. She snatched a kunai knife from her holster and stabbed at the closest person. Gaara proved to be just seconds faster and grabbed at her wrist before she could stab Hatsune in the face. "Jesus fuck, Xin!" Jura reached forward to grab Hatsune, hauling her away.
The room fell into another silence, this time somewhat awkward. And then Kankuro burst into an uncontrollable laughing fit. The entire Mikawa family plus Ukyo, Kankuro, Temari and Sasori stared back at Xin, all with various degrees of surprise on their faces. In the center of the living room, a birthday cake rested among them on the coffee table.
"Oh, holy shit."
Temari finally gained some of her senses back long enough to smack Kankuro upside the head. "That's enough, Kankuro!"
"Uh," Xin let Gaara pry the kunai from her fingers. To his credit, he didn't seem all that shocked by her knee-jerk reaction. "I'm sorry?"
"Looks like Xin isn't all fond of surprises like her husband." Sasori commented blandly, having recovered first from his surprise.
"What the hell is this even for?" Xin let Gaara hold onto her wrist.
"Your birthdays, Sensei."
"My birthday? My birthday was last month."
Gaara led her into their group of friends. "We know that but we didn't celebrate it. We were gone and apparently you worked the entire day at the hospital before you mentioned it," Temari pulled her away from her brother, embracing the younger woman.
"And we missed Gaara's birthday last week because of traveling so we thought we could celebrate it together like this," Kankuro finished up his sister's explanation as Xin was passed to him.
Xin could only blink. "It's just a birthday."
"You've been married since you were eighteen and we haven't celebrated one birthday with you. Besides, your nineteenth birthday…."
Xin's face fell for a brief second before she wiped it away completely. "Well, in any case, welcome home! And congratulations on achieving peace."
"We barely did any work, it was the Kages bickering like children," Kankuro snorted.
"Like children?"
"Mm, the Raikage broke the table."
"I could've bet money on him throwing a tantrum."
"Now you sound like Tsunade-sama."
Temari grabbed at Xin and forced her to sit on the couch. Kankuro did the same with Gaara, forcing the two to sit in front of the cake. They shared a glance between each other before Xin broke out into a big grin. Gaara tried to hold his composure but he eventually smiled back at her.
This was the entire reason why an Era of Peace was needed. So Shinobi could be people too. So they didn't have to worry about losing a loved one. So their family could gather to celebrate together. Of course nothing was perfect. There would still be Shinobi who opposed the villages, who sought revenge for one reason or another. Who thought their twisted ideals were best for the world. Who just wanted to watch the world burn for the sake of it.
Shinobi would always be needed but now the next generation would have the choice on whether they wanted to be Shinobi or not. They could explore other career options. Some of them would never know what murder even felt like.
It was good. It was all good.
It was almost ironic the way life turned out. He hadn't, for a second, ever thought he'd be married. And happy. When they pushed for this marriage, he'd been convinced that it was necessary but it wouldn't be a happy union. Hell if he ever thought he'd be surrounded by friends and family, celebrating birthdays. That was almost too wild to even imagine when he was younger.
He hoped his parents were proud of him.
Xin, on the other hand, was reeling. Her face was bright as they all surrounded her and Gaara. She leaned over and hid her face in his shoulder once they started singing. Laughter joined in with the singing, causing her to press her face even harder into his shoulder. A giddy feeling formed in her stomach despite her embarrassment. Someone reached over and patted at the back of her head. Probably Kankuro.
Asuna skirted the couch and plopped Momoka in Xin's lap, grinning as it forced her to look up. Her arms curled around the toddler, cuddling the babbling baby to her chest. She couldn't help the smile that broke out onto her face.
She thought about past birthdays and couldn't recall the last time she enjoyed her birthday. She was pretty sure she was always out on missions and would return too late to really celebrate and would only receive belated wishes on it. This meant something to her. It meant too much, actually. The fact that anyone would put any thought into celebrating nearly brought tears to her eyes.
Too late did she realize that she was actually crying. Tears gushed down her face and caused her vision to blur. The singing came to an abrupt stop as her friends began asking what the hell was wrong. "This...this is just so nice!" she wailed. "I don't know why I'm crying because I'm happy!"
Gaara patted at her back, nearly chuckling at her odd display of emotions. He wasn't all that surprised but he was a little concerned.
Temari leaned over the back of the couch and hugged Xin around her shoulders, face buried in her hair. "When did you become such a crybaby?"
"Oh, fuck you," Xin continued to cry. She shifted Momoka and wiped at her face. To her surprise, she didn't feel embarrassed despite the odd display. "I don't remember the last good birthday I had."
"That's just sad," Sasori snorted. Asuna silently elbowed him, shooting him a mean look.
"Hopefully this is the first of many to come," Ukyo smiled brightly.
"Of course it is," Hideki grinned from next to her. Xin had been noticing that with each passing day, they grew closer. Xin was sure that Ukyo still had some boundaries and she hoped that they weren't crossed.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm happy, really. Thank you guys so much," Xin sniffled and laughed at the same time. She taped down her overwhelming feelings, trying her best to just feel happy. It was silly to cry over but it was almost like she couldn't help it.
This had been what she was searching for since she'd been young. What she killed for. She'd come a long way and unfortunately, she'd been going the wrong way for too long.
But things were different now and somehow, by the Grace of somebody, she was happy. Sure, she'd had a mental breakdown and a strange case of amnesia but dammit, it was worth it. She would do it all over again if she had to, not that she wanted to but every second would be worth it.
And she'd done it on her own. These people liked her, not for her willingness to kill any who opposed them, but for her. In fact, they didn't just like her. They loved her and she loved them. She was proud of herself. Of course, life wouldn't always be easy for her. There was going to be some danger in her life, more strife. But she was ready. She was ready for anything life would throw at her.
After all, Xin grinned, she had something to live for.
TeeBeMe: I mean, technically we still have the epilogue but this is the end. Lmao. Oh my God, I've been writing this for years and now I'm done with it. I don't know how to feel. This AU of Xin is my favorite and I'm sad that it's done. Of course there's a sequel but I doubt it'll be this long. Well, Idk because I said this wouldn't be long and look at us now lol.
Thank you for all your support and suggestions. You guys are wonderful and I hope you'll keep enjoying this fic even though it's finished. Xin sends her love. Stay safe.