Hello everyone! I exist.

I don't feel like this chapter is as chaotic as they usually are... well, I think they're chaotic, I don't know about you guys.

To Prisma19: Aww, thank you so much! Your comment really made my day! I'm glad you're enjoying this story so much! I looked through my book to see if I had any stories that I could throw your suggestion at, but I couldn't find any, which was upsetting. Do you have any stories that you think would be able to fit that? Cause that would be a lot of fun to write about!

I hope you all enjoy this story!

Dick: I know I did.

Jason: you like ALL the stories.

Tim: your opinion doesn't count.

Dick: pft, yeah, sure.

No, Dick, they're right. Then again, I'm not taking ANY of your opinions into consideration.

Jason: what? Why not?

Because you guys are all the stars of the chapters?

Jason: ...

Tim: ...

Jason: fair.

"Hold on... what?" Dinah asked. Dick had offered his seat to her, and she had foolishly taken it. "Listen guys, I don't know what you want me to do, and I don't really have time to tell any stories..."

"It's easy, aunt Dinah," Dick said. "Just tell Goldilocks and the Three Bears, except you have to substitute the characters in the story for those of us in real life."

"How do I do that?" she asked. Dick thought for a moment.

"Who do you see as being Papa Bear?" Dick asked. Dinah thought for a moment before shrugging.

"What about Goldilocks?" Damian asked. Dinah shrugged again, then snapped her fingers as if getting an idea.

"I think I get it now," she said. Dick settled onto the couch beside his brothers and waited for Dinah to start the story.

Once upon a time-

"Good. She knows how to start a story," Cass said. Upon seeing Dinah's confused look, Cass smiled sheepishly and waved off the unspoken question.

Once upon a time there lived a little boy named Connor.

"Am I allowed to do that?" Dinah asked. Dick nodded.

"Yeah. We've done it PLENTY of times," he said. Dinah nodded.

Connor never listened to his parent's warnings about going into the forest, so one day, he went into the forest.

"Naturally," Tim said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, because who listens to dangerous warnings about staying out of dangerous forests that could kill you violently?" Jason asked sarcastically. This warranted a snicker out of Steph and Dick.

He got lost pretty quick. He ran through the aforementioned Dangerous Forest of Danger until he ran up to a small house in the woods.

"Because that isn't suspicious or creepy at all," Damian said.

Connor being... well, Connor... he walked into the house without knocking first.

"Isn't that trespassing?" Steph asked.

"Yes," answered Dick.

"And that's illegal," Steph said.

"Very," Dick told her.

"Then why did he do it?" Steph asked.

"Because plot convenience," Dick informed them. When the two were finished, they gestured for Dinah to continue.

He smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen and followed the scent to three plates of freshly baked cookies. The first plate's cookies still had chocolate melting from them, meaning they were straight from the oven and too hot to eat. The second plate had obviously been the first batch out, since they were fairly cold. But the third plate was absolutely perfect, so Connor ate them all.

"Rude much," Steph muttered. This got a giggle out of Cass.

He wandered back into the living room where he saw three chairs by a fireplace. The first chair was pure wood, with nothing to cushion it. The second one, he didn't even bother to sit in because he was worried about drowning in all the pillows on it. But the third one had one nice, little cushion that was pretty comfortable. He sat in it, eventually breaking it.

"What a jerk," Damian said. His eyes widened as if he had gotten an idea, and he whispered something in Steph's ear. She smiled and repeated whatever Damian had whispered to Cass, who nodded. Damian took that time to whisper to Tim, who whispered to Jason. Dick, Barbara, and Dinah shared worried glances.

Finally, he got sleepy and headed upstairs, where he faced the same problem with the beds. He didn't bother with the first two beds, since he knew that the third one was always perfect. He lied down in it and fell asleep.

Little did he know that the owners of the house were outside, about to head in.

"Busted!" Tim and Jason chorused. They both turned red, realizing that they had said it exactly the same way at the exact same time, making everyone laugh.

Once they calmed down, Dinah continued.

They were... Roy, Wally, and Dick.

The bats all started cheering and clapping while Dick held his head in his hands and cursed every single one of them. Dinah stared, wide-eyed and horrified, at what she had just done. She hadn't doomed Dick to a killer headache, or cannibalism, or... whatever else usually happened to the bats. No, she just granted his brothers the worst form of punishment that could ever be bestowed upon a human being.

Leverage. Blackmail. Bragging rights. There are many names for it, but the point still stands that she just doomed Richard Grayson to an eternity of torture.

Once the bats stopped, Dick held his head up high.

"One word, and you guys can all say goodbye to the things you love most," he threatened. His siblings all stopped, frozen in their seats and staring at Dick in fear. Dinah had to hide her smirk. He wouldn't target anyone or anything living... he was talking about material possessions. But still. He was being completely serious and using the voice he uses only when he is so.

Dinah took the opportunity to continue the story.

They walked into the kitchen to check on their cookies. What they saw shocked them.

"Dude... we've been robbed!" Roy shouted. He ran over to his cookies to make sure they were all still there. "Yay! My cookies are safe to eat now!"

"Nothing you make is ever safe to eat," Dick told him.

Real life Dick shrugged as if this were true.

"Hey!" Roy complained.

"Stop getting on each other's nerves," Wally told them.

"Wow... Wally, being the voice of reason?" Barbara asked. "There's something going on in that world that I don't want to know about."

"Who knows? Maybe it's some kind of life-threatening virus that's making people horde toilet paper," Jason said with a shrug. (But seriously people, note from the author: please stay safe out there, and make sure you have plenty of toilet paper. Not too much, as I would accuse you of hording, but enough to make it through these tough times.)

"Why the heck would people horde toilet paper?" Damian asked.

"Well, how else would they dress up as mummies for Halloween?" Jason asked.

"But it isn't even October!" Damian insisted. Jason shrugged.

"Who knows? Maybe someone is out there, pulling all the strings and controlling what we say."

Everyone stared at him.

"Or maybe I'm finally starting to lose what little sanity I managed to recollect... either way, it's all fine by me," Jason said. He shrugged again, and everyone else in the room had a silent agreement not to ask.

Dick and Roy stared at him in shock because he was never the voice of reason. Until...

"You guys have it easy. At least your cookies are warm. Mine are cold," Wally complained.

"Ah, there it is," Dick said. This made everyone chuckle.

"What do you mean 'our cookies'? Mine are completely gone!" Dick whined. Roy decided to share his cookies with Dick but not Wally, because there was something absolutely devastating about seeing Dick sad.

"True," Barbara said. "He could break hearts just by looking sad over a bad grade."

"Nuh-uh," Dick protested, but his face was a little red with the realization that she was, indeed, correct.

They headed into the living room next, where Dick immediately ran over to his now broken chair.

"Aww man... why me?" he asked. Wally offered him one of his cushions, and they sat together on the floor, debating how best to fix the chair (and the two oldest plotting how best to get revenge on the criminal responsible for this.)

"They won't have to think very hard," Damian said. "We have an idea."

"Please no," Dick said to himself.

After sitting there for a few minutes, they decided to head upstairs. Roy and Wally immediately went over to Dick's bed to check and make sure everything was all good. Dick was there first, though, and was staring at the bed with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Guys... there's someone in my bed," he said. Roy and Wally approached the bed carefully, staring at the sleeping figure of Connor.

"Poke him," Roy said to Wally.

That comment made the bats laugh, but Dinah knew the trio well enough from years of watching over them to know exactly how this situation would have played out in real life.

"I'm not gonna poke him," Wally protested. "You poke him."

"There is absolutely no way I'm poking him," Roy shot back.

"Why not? Too chicken?" Wally taunted him.

"This coming from the guy I originally told to poke him!" Roy whisper-shouted. Dick rolled his eyes.

"How about, on the count of three, you both poke him at the same time?" he suggested. The two older agreed.

"One... two... three..." Both boys counted, but neither of them moved.

"I thought we agreed we would both poke him!" Roy accused Wally, but Wally put a hand dramatically to his chest and gasped.

"I didn't see you move, either!" he shot back. Dick groaned and poked Connor on the cheek. He stirred awake and watched as Wally and Roy continued to argue.

"You want me to poke? Fine, I'll poke!" Wally whispered agrily. He poked Roy in the chest.

"You didn't."

"I just did."

"You wanna go?"

"Yeah, I'll go!"

The two continued to poke each other while Dick and Connor watched.

"You know the worst part about this scenario?" Dick asked.

"It's what would actually happen should you guys be faced with this situation?" Barbara asked him.

"No... well, yes, but no..." Dick said. "The worst part is that this exact thing happened to us when we were little, except instead of Connor, it was Bruce."

"How exactly did that go down?" Damian asked.

"You're better off not knowing," Dick told him.

Dick told Connor to go ahead and leave, and he did so.

"The End," Dinah finished. Damian stood up before she could.

"I have an alternate ending," he said. Dinah, Dick, and Barbara shared one more worried glance with each other before Dinah gave the Story Chair to Damian.

How about, instead of letting him go, Dick, Wally, and Roy were still bears the whole time.

"Uh-oh," Dick said.

Instead of arguing childishly about who was supposed to poke Connor, the bears just ATE him.

Dick, Barbara, and Dinah stared at Damian in horror, who shrugged and sat down.

"That's the ending we came up with," he said. Dick turned to his other siblings who were all trying their best not to laugh.

"I did tell you about going to the Carnival, right?" Dick asked Damian.

"Yes, but you said it was a lion," he said. Dinah looked confused now.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked. Steph pulled her aside to explain.

"It might have been a lion, but still. And Canary never specified that we were bears in the story, just that we owned the house," Dick explained. Damian froze, a look of horror slowly seeping across his face. In his peripheral vision, Dick could see the rest of his siblings mirroring Damian's look as realization hit them. "Which means if we ate Connor, that's cannibalism."

Um... then afterwards they ate pancakes?

Dick shook his head in both disappointment and admiration. Dinah cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"So... everything is all good here..." she said. She had her arms crossed, but Steph was smiling beside her. "So... I'm just gonna go..."

"Bye Aunt Dinah!" Dick called after her as she walked out the door. He turned his attention to Steph now. "What did you tell her?"

"I just told her that Dick told a lion to eat someone," Steph said. She shrugged her shoulders while Dick facepalmed.

"Know what? Let's just move on," he suggested. "The next story is going to be Peter and the Wolf."

Tim: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 1,000. Try and guess.

Dick: 5?

Tim: nope.

Jaosn: 3?

Tim: still nope.

Dick and Jason: 27?

Tim: nu-uh.

This is going to take a while.