Make This Go On Forever (MTGOF Redux)

by darlingwrecks

Mark/Addison, starting with the night Derek walks in on them. It wasn't a game. And that really is the most remarkable thing. I originally wrote and published this on LiveJournal 13 years ago, and have been reworking it over the past few months. Primarily Mark/Addison, but also moments of trio friendship and Meredith/Derek along the way.

43. Once in a Lullaby

Chapter 43. Once in a Lullaby

Addison quietly slips into Kate's room on an early morning towards the end of January, having to pause just past the threshold as a contraction rolls through her. Once the discomfort has retreated, she continues the rest of the way and gets into Kate's bed. Slowly, in an attempt not to wake her daughter, and slowly because at a few days shy of forty weeks, everything about her is slow now. Despite her best efforts, Kate stirs anyway.

"Mommy," Kate blinks drowsily. "Is it time to wake up?"

"No, little one. It's morning, but still early. Remember you don't have school again today since it's a Professional Development Day? You can keep sleeping. Is it okay if I cuddle with you for a little bit though?" She loops an arm over her daughter (a bit awkwardly due to the baby bump between them), knowing her daughter won't object. Thank you, Henry, she thinks. If it couldn't happen on a weekend, this is the next best thing.

"Yeah," Kate answers happily. She thinks about asking what Professional Development means again, but she remembers the answer Mommy gave her yesterday was super boring. Something about teachers getting to learn stuff. The most important part is that she has Monday and Tuesday off this week. And that she gets to have a mommy-daughter sleepover right now. "But can you do the hair thing?"

The hair thing. Addison smiles and strokes Kate's hair. She catalogues some of the things she knows and loves about her daughter. Kate likes to get her hair stroked and her scalp scratched, especially at bedtime. She has always wanted a sibling, but she might want a dog just a bit more. She will eat purple Skittles, but they are her least favorite of all the flavors. She loves reading, and is getting better at it every day. She is a scrappy second baseman and, like Addison predicted before Kate was even here, her baseball pants get dirty about a half-second after she puts them on. She is kind and is a good friend. Kate isn't necessarily defiant (she has her moments though, of course), but she is stubborn, so frustratingly stubborn – but Addison never doubts for a moment that this stubbornness ensures her daughter will always stand strong behind her convictions and make her voice heard. And while her time as Addison and Mark's only has just about reached its end, Kate will always be the reason they became a forever kind of Them.

"I love you, Kate," she whispers, watching her daughter's eyes flutter tiredly.

Kate's voice comes through once more, both lilting and raspy in sound, before she falls back to sleep. "I love you too, Mommy."

-

"You doing okay?" Mark asks, slowly waking up when he hears Addison walk back (waddle, really) into their bedroom. She has a freshly-showered appearance, but he would have heard the shower running if she was in the master, so he assumes she utilized the bathroom on the third floor. She is restless and gets up constantly throughout the night now for a multitude of reasons that end in pain or ache: pelvic, back, head, nerve. And although Mark would never, ever complain (at least not out loud), it certainly affects his ability to get a good night's sleep too. Addison has a shred of sympathy about this, so if she is up before him to start her day, sometimes she will go to extra lengths to keep the noise down.

"Yeah," she sits down on the edge of the bed. "I was getting in a little extra snuggle time with Kate before I showered. She's still sleeping. And now I'm thinking about that old nursery rhyme that says what each child's personality is based on the day they're born. It's called 'Monday's Child.' The first line is about Monday's child being 'fair of face.' Kate was born on a Monday. And today is a Tuesday, so according to the rhyme, Henry will be 'full of grace.'" Mark is still a bit sleepy, so it takes him a few seconds. Addison remains patient. And then he grins and pushes up onto his elbows.

"Wait. For real?"

"Yes," she answers with a warm smile. It is three days before Henry's due date. Just as Addison had a feeling Kate would go past her due date, she had a feeling this little man would be making an appearance before the twenty-eighth.

"Did -"

"Trust me: I'm in labor, Mark," she says, voice taking on a quality he knows all too well. "And if you're going to ask me a question about my body that you know is going to weird me out or gross me out – or most likely both with you – please don't."

He gives her a teasing look. "Then what the hell are we supposed to talk about?"

"You could just be quiet while I work through these contractions."

"Not happening."

"I figured as much. All you need to know is that we'll head to the hospital later this morning. It's all worked out. Lauren will be over around ten to hang with Kate…" she notices the look on his face. "I promise I'll text her again if I feel like I need her to come sooner. Then Sav will come around five-thirty to get Kate. She'll sleep over there, and then Sav will bring her to the hospital tomorrow after school to meet her brother. Oh, and I texted Maggie, of course. She'll be ready for us."

"Damn. Did you leave anything for me to do?"

"You can wake sleepyhead up if she's not out of bed in an hour. And when it's time to leave you can bring my hospital bag out to the car. Otherwise, I'd advise that you shower and eat something. I already shot gunned some toast and fruit in preparation for not eating once we get checked in."

"That's seriously it?"

Addison flashes a grin and gets into bed next to him. "You can cuddle with your wife for a few minutes."

"Now we're talking," he murmurs, pulling her back into his arms. "Hi."

"Hi, you big sap," she says softly. "We're going to meet our son today."

"We are. Therefore I'm allowed to be a bit sappy today."

-

"I'm…I'm so tired," Addison mumbles. Time has started to bleed together. It wasn't dark out. And now it is. The idea of pushing just doesn't seem possible. She is tired. So tired. The extent of her tiredness is best reflected in the fact that she is too tired to even get mad or yell at her husband anymore. She tries to get a look at the graph paper pinched in her OB's fingers. "Maggie? His heart rate…?"

"Still dipping in between contractions," Maggie says, studying the fetal monitor printout. "Not alarming drops, but based on what I'm seeing and what the nurses have been seeing, it's looking more and more like we're headed that way. You've been at this for awhile, Addison. Repositioning didn't work. You're exhausted and despite your best efforts and our best efforts, your cervix just isn't getting past five centimeters. And your kid seems to really be 'over this.' I think we need to discuss the possibility of a C-section. If you want to wait a bit longer, I'm willing to give you another two hours, but that's it."

Addison shakes her head, eyes brimming with tears. "I really, really don't want one."

"I know this isn't your preference for how you want to bring your kiddo into the world, but what would you tell a patient if they were in your exact situation?"

"That I need a C-section," Addison grumbles. "And that all births are meaningful and all that matters is that the baby gets here safely and that the mom is safe too. I'll…okay, okay. I'll have a C-section. But it's not…it's not the stigma. I don't care about that. Getting sliced open with a scalpel is just as badass as pushing a kid out vaginally. I'm just…just…" she looks over at Mark as tears start to drop down her cheeks.

"Don't be scared. You're gonna be fine, Addison. And so is Henry," Mark says, stroking her hair while Maggie asks a nurse to page the anesthesiologist and to start getting ready to bring her patient down to the OR.

"I hate my cervix," Addison announces bitterly. "Hate-hate."

Mark sighs quietly. "Look, I know I've basically been banned from talking about your cervix and anything delivery-related, but you have a very great cervix, Addison. You kept your son safe for nine months. And I know this isn't how you wanted to do this, but this is what's happening, so you just have to let Maggie do the rest for you."

"Okay, but…Maggie," Addison's eyes dart back to her doctor as preparations are underway to get her down for surgery. "I…I want to hold Henry. As soon as possible. I know not every hospital is staffed and equipped for that in the OR, but…please. I have to hold my son."

"We can work with that," Maggie assures her. "If I don't have any concerns when I pull him out and look him over, I'll bring him right over. I'll have to lay him crosswise because of the drape, but that's fine. We'll make sure the leads are on your back, and we'll have the IVs and blood pressure cuff and all that other fun stuff kept to one arm so your other one can be free."

Addison smiles gratefully. "Really?"

"Yep. It's no problem. And while I close you, the nurses can do the APGARs and assessment while Henry is on your chest, and just do measurements later. But I'm going to need Mark right there with arms out like an offensive lineman and ready to jump in just in case you start feeling nauseous or get the shakes. And to just keep you and baby steady. It's not the most comfortable position to hold or potentially nurse in."

"Won't be a problem," Mark says, lips tipping up in a smirk. "I'm sure if Addison wasn't so nervous right now, she would tell you that I am always right there and she would actually love if I would back off so she could have some space from me."

"Good. And Addie, if you're having a tough time, remember that Mark can always do skin-to-skin with the baby, too."

Addison grins. Despite this being a very long and grueling day, she feels some humor roll through her. "Hey, are you just trying to get my husband to take his shirt off in your OR?"

"I'm honestly not, but I'm sure every female member of the surgical team would have no objection if that ends up being the case."

-

"We'll get started in a few, Addie," Maggie calls out from somewhere near Addison's numb waist. "You're doing great."

"You really are doing great," Mark echoes. He has a hand resting on the top of her head against the disposable surgical cap her hair has been wrapped inside, and the other on her shoulder.

"Thank you," she breathes out tensely. "I think I like blue scrubs better on you, by the way."

Mark shows her a smile and then glances down at the dark green scrubs he was given to change into before entering the OR. "I don't know what you're talking about. I look incredible."

"Don't," she whimpers, and he jerks his head up, confused. It takes him a moment to realize this comment is not directed at him. "Don't tie them down. Please."

The L&D nurse to his left, who has been getting Addison's arms secured on the arm boards, speaks first. "I'm not strapping them down, Doctor Montgomery-Sloan. Promise. Just getting you situated, that's all."

"She's not tying you down, Addison," Mark reiterates, brushing her cheek with his knuckles. She nods her understanding, but starts to cry anyway. Tears slip through his fingers. "Hey, you're okay. Try to take slow breaths."

"Mark…" Maggie juts her chin towards the vital signs monitor. The lines that rise and fall back at him are nowhere near indicative of an all hands on deck situation, but Addison's heart rate is definitely higher than it should be. Mark nods at Maggie, and directs his attention back to his wife.

"Addison, look at me. Tell me about our son."

"I don't…" she shakes her head, completely overwhelmed. Tears continue to fall. "I don't…I d-don't know."

"What's his name, honey?" Mark prompts.

"H-henry. Henry Everett."

"Where were we when you told me you were pregnant with him?"

"At…at the park. Chelsea Waterside."

"That's right." Mark brushes away some of the moisture wobbling on the curves of her cheekbones. "What Hogwarts house do you think he's in?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Addison?" Maggie interrupts, voice calm and reassuring. Addison's eyes shift towards the direction of her doctor, though all she can really see is the pale blue surgical drape in front of her. "You're still doing great. I'm going to get started, and I'll tell you where I'm at along the way, but I want you to keep focusing on Mark. I'm making the initial incision now. You keep talking with Mark…but if you both want to raise your voices so we can all hear the questions and answers, that would be cool. Up to you though." Addison giggles at this, and looks back at Mark. She is aware of the surgical smells and sounds that are suggestive of a C-section, but in some ways, it feels like it is just the two of them.

"Who's Henry's favorite baseball team?" Mark continues.

"The Yankees. As if he has a choice."

"What's the theme of his room?"

"The ocean."

Mark nods in encouragement. "Why did Meredith knit the beanie she made for him in red, white, and blue?"

"It's New York Giants colors."

"Try to tell me something about Henry. About what he'll be like."

"He…he…" Addison inhales shakily. She thinks for a moment, and she appreciates that Mark is somehow able to tell that she is (mostly) okay, and is just trying to give this question some thought.

"He's going to have a good sense of humor," she decides. "And you and me…we'll be able to make him laugh, but he'll laugh the most for his sister."

"That sounds about right." Mark says. He can feel her starting to relax a bit more. Her vitals on the monitor reflect this. "What else?"

"He'll…he'll like the rain. Jumping in puddles."

"Okay, good. And what is Henry going to give Kate when she comes to see him for the first time after he's born?"

"A doll and a coloring book," Addison answers. They picked these items out for Kate after Addison read a few articles on helping firstborns adjust to a new baby. They don't plan for it to be a regular thing – Kate won't get a present on Henry's birthday, and vice versa – but they feel comfortable indulging her in this particular situation. "And Kate…" Addison pauses when Mark's lips round to ask another question.

"Sorry. Go ahead," he says.

"When I read about the idea of a baby giving a gift to his or her older sibling, it seemed more like a baby-to-a-toddler type thing. I think the 'it's from Henry' thing would really only work if Kate was, like, two. We should tell her it's from us. If we say it's from her brother…she is going to tell us we're fucking idiots. There is no way she will think Henry crawled out of my uterus and went to the gift shop or something."

"Now it's getting good…" Maggie says with a chuckle. "Almost ready to make the uterine incision. So what's the plan with the bribery gift then, Mark?"

Mark grins down at Addison. "Okay, well now we definitely have to tell her it's from Henry, just to see what she says. I'll tell Kate. We both know she already thinks I'm a fucking idiot anyway. She just doesn't know how to word it that way yet."

"Tell me something nice now," Addison says softly over a few lingering titters from the surgical team, and then her OB telling her the uterine incision has been made. Her eyes widen when she can feel a tugging pressure near her hips. "We're about to be parents again."

He leans close to her ear. "We're about to be parents again. You're beautiful and I love you. And…" Mark smiles when a tiny cry lifts through the room. "And our son is here."

-

"Your godson arrived a few hours ago. Henry Everett Sloan. Born January 24th at 10:57 PM. 20.5 inches. 8 pounds 2 ounces. Both Addison and Henry are doing great," Mark reads his draft text message to Derek aloud. The beginning part is the only deviation from texts already sent to Addison's mother, his parents, and Savvy and Weiss. (Savvy responded immediately when she received the text and a few pictures of Henry. Mark suspects they won't hear from the grandparents for a few more hours, given the time he is sending off these texts and the fact that none of the oldest of the bunch they have shared the news with tend to sleep with their cell phones within arm's reach.)

"Henry is doing great," Addison says, trying to adjust their son in her arms without inducing a searing pain near her incision. Breastfeeding is proving to be a challenge so far. "The Addison part is debatable. Clearly my breasts are just as incompetent as my cervix."

"That is definitely not true," Sophia, one of the L&D nurses who was present when they delivered Kate, says as she enters the room to check in on them. "I can request that the lactation consultant come by when she gets in. Have you tried the football hold?"

"Not yet. I was hoping this way would work, but…" she winces. "I know the football hold is probably better because of the incision. Mark…I can see you out of the corner of my eye using your hands to try and figure out what we mean by 'football hold.' Please stop before I take a swing at you."

Sophia laughs and helps move and fluff the pillow beneath Addison's arms, while Addison repositions Henry. "That brings back fond memories. You might have blocked this out, but when you were in labor with your daughter, at one point I was holding your hand…but then you yanked it away in order to try to smack your husband."

"Oh. I guess I did block it out. It sounds like something I would do though. Luckily, Mark is used to it by now. Hey…" she grins when her son latches. "There we go. Good job, Henry and breasts."

"Well, you make very cute babies, so whatever you're doing seems to be working. I'll check back in with you later. You know what to do if you need anything," Sophia tells them as she moves towards the door.

"We do make cute babies," Addison says softly.

"Yeah, we do." Mark confirms, gazing down at their son. He can see a little bit of Kate in Henry – cheeks and mouth for sure – but Henry also appears to have features that distinctly belong to just him. "And this actually is what I pictured a football hold to look like, you know." He cannot resist pointing this out.

"Shut up."

-

"Hey there." Savvy raps on the doorframe. Both Mark and Addison glance over with tired, but happy expressions when they see their friend holding the hand of their daughter, whose smile is uncharacteristically shy as she stares at the bundle her mother is holding. "I'm just dropping off big sister for now. I'll come back in a few minutes. I need to get back to the cafeteria. Long story short, Andrew has juice all down the front of his shirt, Emily's in tears, and Weiss was left to deal with them both." She gives them a quick wave, bends to kiss her goddaughter on top of her head, and then is gone as quickly as she arrived.

"Do you want to come meet your brother?" Mark walks over and takes Kate's hand. She nods, gripping his fingers tightly as they move towards the hospital bed.

"How was school today, buddy?"

"Good." Kate answers dismissively as Mark eases her onto the bed. Circle Time. Math centers. Practicing letters. Who cares about that right now? Kate feels one of her mom's arms – the one that isn't holding the baby – curl around her, but she only feels it just a little, because she is too busy looking at her little brother. "Hi, Henry," she says softly. She holds a hand out, but looks at her mother first. Addison smiles and nods, so Kate gently touches her brother's cheek with her thumb.

"What do you think, Kate?" Addison asks.

"He's so little." Kate giggles. "And soft. And he's so cute."

"We think he's pretty cute too," Mark says as he walks to the other side of the bed, where a gift bag is waiting on the end table. "Hey, Kate. Henry got you a present."

Kate's eyes narrow suspiciously. "Are you doing a joke?" She notices her parents exchange a funny look. She continues sharing her thoughts on this matter. "Henry doesn't have money and he doesn't know where any stores are. He doesn't even know what a store is. So I don't think he could have got me a present."

"You're right," Mark says, grinning at Addison's told you so look before shifting his attention back to Kate. "Mom and I bought something for you…it's for Henry to give to you. Kind of like if it's Mommy's birthday when you pick something out to give Mommy and I buy it for you. This is like that. Henry already loves you though, so I'm sure he would want you to have this. Or…" he teases. "We can just forget about the present."

"No," Kate shakes her head quickly. "I want the present. Please."

Kate ends up loving her Madeline doll and the "big sister" coloring book she got from Henry, but actually Mommy and Daddy. But the best present of the day, she decides, is when she gets to hold her little brother. When Mommy falls asleep, her dad tells her that if she wants to sit on the nearby couch, she can hold Henry.

"I love him so much," she tells her dad with a wide smile. She wants to hold Henry on her own without Daddy's arms underneath her arms, but Henry is a bit heavier that she thought he would be, so getting some help is okay for now.

Mark grins. "So do Mommy and I. And we love you so much, too."

"When can he come home?"

"On Friday, I think. Maggie will have to check on Mommy a few more times to make sure she's feeling okay. Having a baby is a lot of work."

"I already know babies come out mommies' vaginas," Kate says far, far too casually, and Mark nearly has a heart attack on the spot. Yes, they are doctors, so they answer body-related questions from their child in a pretty factual, clinical but age-appropriate way, but still.

"Um. Right. But yeah, your mom and Henry will probably get to come home on Friday. So two more sleeps."

"Okay," Kate replies softly, continuing to stare down at her brother. His eyes are a color she cannot quite figure out. They are not blue eyes like her, Mommy, and Daddy have, but they aren't really brown eyes like Emily and Andrew's either – they are just sort of dark, like the color of outer space. And they look sleepy. His hair is light brown. His nose, fingers, and mouth are as tiny as any of the features on her baby dolls. She smiles, wanting to tell Henry something special. Mommy is sleeping, but even if Mommy was awake, her feelings probably would not be hurt. Mommy is her best friend, but so are Emily, Andrew, Daddy, and Meredith. One more is okay.

"You're my best friend, Henry," she whispers earnestly. Her little brother blinks up at her. He does not know any words yet. He does not know how to go shopping or even know what shopping is. But somehow, Kate thinks, Henry does know what she means when she tells him that they are best friends.

Mark smiles and peers back at his sleeping wife. They have waited for this moment – for their son to arrive – for what feels like so much longer than nine months. Nine long, not particularly easy months, especially towards the end. A sense of completeness fills him though. It is hard to imagine life being more perfect than it is right now.